Away from the Sun
by Butterfly Betty
Summary: When Bella was three, she was found abandoned outside of a hospital in LA. She was placed with Carlisle, Esme, and their twin boys, Emmett and Jasper. What happens when they move to Forks? NC-17&AH Cannon pairing.
1. Chapter 1

ESPOV

"I'm going to get you, Jas," yelled Emmett. Jasper came running through the kitchen, scurrying away from his brother. His little legs were carrying him as fast as they could.

"Can't catch me," taunted Jasper, laughing.

"Uh huh!" yelled Emmett as he came barreling through the kitchen a moment later.

I couldn't help but laugh at my adorable twin boys. They were as different as night and day but at the same time, they were the closest friends. Emmett was bigger than Jasper but not by much. He had a head full of curly brown hair that I was afraid to cut in case he lost all those curls. Jasper was leaner than Emmett. He had honey blond hair that hung as straight as it could. Both of the boys had their father's deep blue eyes and handsome smiles.

"Carlisle, get the boys," I yelled as the house phone started ringing.

"On it," I heard him yell back to me just before our sons started squealing. I laughed to myself as I went over and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I laughed.

"Hey, Esme," greeted my sister, Tanya. "What's so funny?"

"Carlisle's chasing the boys through the house," I explained. "I don't know who is more excited him or them."

"Probably him," laughed Tanya.

"You are probably right," I snorted, stirring the spaghetti noodles I had simmering on the stove. "So what's up?"

"Oh, I have good news. You and Carlisle have been approved to start keeping foster kids," said Tanya.

"That's great," I said, smiling to myself.

"In fact, I have one for you tonight, if you're willing to take her," suggested Tanya.

"Her?" I asked.

"Yes, a little girl around the age of three," explained Tanya. "She was found abandoned outside of the hospital last night. So far we can't seem to find her parents and all she can tell us is that her name is Isabella."

"Poor child," I murmured. "Hang on, let me talk to Carlisle."

"Just call me back," said Tanya.

"Ok," I said, hanging up.

I turned down the heat on the stove before I headed upstairs to the playroom where I knew Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper, would be. Just as I suspected, the three of them were laying on the floor watching Scooby Doo cartoons on the television. I'm kind of surprised that the three of them still had their pants on. I swear, sometimes I think Carlisle was the biggest kid of them all.

He looked up and caught my eye. I motioned for him to come out into the hall with me, which he did a moment later. He pulled the door to the playroom shut just enough to give us privacy but not enough that we couldn't hear the boys.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I whispered. "Tanya just called. She said we've finally been approved to be foster parents and if we are willing she has a little girl around the boys' ages for us. So what do you think?"

"It's fine by me," smiled my darling husband. "Do you think we should ask the boys first?"

"Probably," I said, smiling. "This effects them too, right?"

"Right," winked Carlisle.

He turned and pushed the door open. The two of us stepped into the room and settled down on the floor in front of them and turned off the television. Emmett and Jasper both started to whine but I held up my hand to stop them and they did. They were good boys. After I had them, we were told we would never be able to have anymore babies. I had always wanted a big family but had settled on just having my boys. Then Tanya, who was two years younger than me, talked Carlisle and I into applying to be foster parents. After doing a lot of thinking and talking, we agreed to apply.

"Boys, we need to talk to you," I said, quietly. "Daddy and I would like to have a little girl come and stay with us for awhile."

"Like a sweep over?" asked Jasper.

"Kind of," said Carlisle. "Except she would sleep in the guest room while you two stayed in your own rooms."

"Her name is Isabella and she is around your age," I explained. "Auntie T can't find her mommy and daddy so she needs to stay here with us until they are found. Now, it's very important that you two act like big boys and help her while she is with us, ok?"

"Ok, Mommy," said Jasper.

"Yeah, ok," said Emmett. "Can we watch TV now?"

"Sure," I snorted. "Dinner will be ready soon."

Carlisle and I headed back downstairs. He finished making dinner while I called Tanya and told her we would love to have Isabella come stay with us. Ten minutes and a good face cleaning later, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, and I were standing in the living room waiting for them to arrive.

The door bell rang and I nervously crossed the room and pulled open the door. There was my sister Tanya, a tall, curvy strawberry blond, with a little girl wrapped around her torso. The girl was tiny, at least compared to my boys. She had long dark brown hair and from what I could see of her eyes, they were brown as well.

"Come on in," I said, stepping out of the way.

"Thanks," said Tanya. I shut the door behind them. Isabella peeked up at me through her lashes but when she saw me watching her, she quickly ducked her head back. "Isabella, I would like for you to meet Esme and Carlisle. Remember me telling you about them?"

"Your sister," she whispered, softly.

"That's right," said Tanya. "Esme is my sister and Carlisle is her husband. They are really nice people who are going to take care of you while you are here with them."

"I want my mommy and daddy," cried Isabella. My heart broke for the little girl. Tanya set her down on the floor and knelt down so that she was eye level with her.

"I know you do, sweetheart," whispered Tanya. "I am trying so hard to find them but until I do, this is where you are going to stay."

"It's ok, Isabewa," said Jasper, moving from Carlisle over to the little girl. He reached out and grabbed her hand. "I'll take care of you."

"Yeah, me too," said Emmett, joining his brother. Isabella looked up at my two boys for several minutes before she spoke.

"Will you play with me?" she asked. Jasper and Emmett smiled.

"Of course we will," laughed Emmett. Isabella looked from the boys and over at Tanya.

"I guess I can stay here until you find my mommy and daddy," she whispered.

"Good girl," smiled Tanya, standing up. She handed me a small suit case. "I managed to scrounge up a few clothes for her but we didn't have much."

"I'll get her whatever she needs," I murmured. Tanya nodded her head and looked down at Isabella.

"I'll see you real soon, ok?" she asked.

"Ok," whispered Isabella.

Tanya hugged her and the boys before headed out of the house. Isabella looked around at all of us, clearly unsure about being here. I looked over at Carlisle, who smiled and shrugged his shoulders. Clearly, he didn't know what to do either. I cleared my throat causing all three kids to look up at me.

"Well, we should sit down for dinner," I said.

Emmett and Jasper both cheered before running into the dining room. Isabella slowly followed them. Carlisle slipped his hand into mine as we followed her in. She stood there at the end of the table unsure of where she should sit. I reached over and placed my hand on her back.

"Sit where ever you would like, sweetheart," I said, softly. She looked up at me with wide eyes.

"Ok," she whispered.

Isabella moved around the table and took the seat next to mine and beside Emmett. I smiled as I went around and sat down. Carlisle and I fixed their plates and cut up their spaghetti for them. While we ate dinner, the boys tried to talk to Isabella about cartoons but she didn't talk much to them. I felt my heartbreaking for this little sweet girl and how lost she was.

After we had all finished dinner, Emmett and Jasper took Isabella up to the playroom. She looked back at me like she was asking if it was ok. I smiled and told her to go ahead and have fun. Carlisle and I cleaned up the kitchen in silence, each of us letting the situation weigh on our minds.

Once we were done in the kitchen, we headed upstairs to the playroom. Emmett and Jasper were in the middle of the room playing with their cars while Isabella was curled up on the couch, fast asleep. I went over and lifted the little girl off the couch. She wrapped her arms and legs around me, whimpering quietly.

I carried her down the hall to the guest room and changed her out of the dress that Tanya had gotten her and into a pair of Jasper's pajamas. They were too big for her but they would work for now at least. I tucked her into the bed and leaned down and kissed her forehead. She barley opened her eyes.

"Where's my mommy?" she asked, her lip trembling.

"I don't know, sweetheart," I whispered. She sniffed again as a tear fell out of her eye. "It's ok, Isabella."

"I want my mommy and daddy," she cried, throwing her arms around my neck. I laid down on the bed next to her. Carlisle was leaning against the doorframe, smiling a sad smile.

"I know you do," I murmured. "I'll hold you until they find them."

Isabella snuggled her tiny body up against mine as she continued to cry herself to sleep. I held her as tight as I could, promising to keep her safe. I was already falling in love with the brown haired girl in my arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**BPOV Fourteen years later**

"I can't find a damn thing in all of this mess," I grumbled, shifting through the boxes that cluttered up my room.

"Bella, we are going to be late," whined Emmett, leaning against doorframe to my bedroom.

"I'm hurrying," I muttered. "I can't find my notebook."

"You mean this notebook?" he asked. I looked up and saw him pulling my black and red music book out of one of the boxes by the door.

"Yes, thanks you, Em," I sighed, walking over to my brother.

"You're welcome," he smiled. "Now, let's go."

"Fine," I murmured, clutching the notebook to my chest.

I followed him down the stairs of our new house in Forks, Washington. Our other brother, his twin Jasper, was standing by the front door with a scowl on his face and our backpacks at his feet. Our mother, Esme, was in the middle of her own cardboard maze. She looked up at us and smiled. She was a beautiful woman with soft caramel colored hair that was pulled up in a messy ponytail and light brown eyes.

"All ready for your first day?" she asked.

"You bet, Mom," I snorted. "Can't wait to spend our day in the pouring rain."

"Way to have a positive attitude, Bella," laughed our father, Carlisle, as he came down the stairs, adjusting his blue tie. Carlisle was a tall, thin blond man with the brightest pair of blue eyes I had ever seen. "Esme, do you know where I put my red tie. This one is pissing me the fuck off."

"No, I don't, Carlisle, and you do know that your children are in the room, don't you?" asked Esme, laughing. I shared a look with my brothers. Sometimes she still acts like we've never heard a curse word before.

"Esme, I don't know how to break this to you but our little angels over there cuss like sailors when you aren't around," smirked Carlisle. Esme looked over at us with a raised eyebrow.

"Is that true?" she asked.

"No," we all said at once.

"He lies, Mom," I laughed.

"Yeah, he's just trying to get us into trouble so he can save his own as…butt," said Emmett, smiling at her. Esme rolled her eyes at him.

"Whatever," she snorted. "Go to school and be good!"

"We'll try," chuckled Jasper. "But we make no promises."

Jasper tossed me and Emmett our backpacks. We followed him out of the house and out to the brand new red jeep that was sitting in the driveway of our new house. It was one of the main selling points for us when we agreed to move from our home in Los Angeles to Forks. I mean, who in their right mind would move from someplace as warm and sunny as LA was to the coldest, wettest place in country.

Carlisle and Esme sat us down a couple of weeks ago and told us that he had been offered a job at the hospital here in Forks, a good job. He was taking over as chief of staff and it was a big deal for him. He had worked very hard and we all knew he deserved to get it. However, that meant that we had to move away from the only home we had ever known. That was hard.

I was sitting in the backseat of the jeep while Emmett drove and Jasper sat in the passenger seat. My brothers and I were thick as thieves. They were the only people, other than my parents, that I trusted one hundred percent. Sometimes they could be overbearing and pushy as hell when it came to protecting me but they were my big brothers. They informed me that that was their jobs.

At first glance, Emmett seemed quite large and intimidating looking, and he was. Of course, anyone who really knew him, knew that he wasn't mean at all. In fact, he was really just a big teddy bear. He had a head full of curly hair that frustrated him but I loved. Especially when he would let me play with it. Irritated the shit out of him but he still lets me do it. Compared to Emmett, Jasper looked scrawny but he really wasn't. He was a little taller than our brother and less muscled out but he could hold his own in a fight that's for sure, not that he fought at all. He had shaggy blond hair that hung lazily in his eyes.

Although Emmett and Jasper are twins, they look nothing alike. Jasper looks more like Esme. They have the same smile and shaped eyes. Emmett has Carlisle's ears and chin. As for me, I don't know who I look like. I am average height for a woman, I suppose. I am five foot five, with long dark brown hair and big brown eyes. But seeing as I was adopted by Carlisle and Esme, I don't look like either of them.

I don't know if I had my father's smile or his ears and chin. I don't know if I had my mother's eyes or hair color. I don't know if there was a family history of cancer, heart disease, or any other of the hundreds of health issues out there. All I knew was that I was found outside the hospital in LA when I was three. Or at least we think I was three. We don't even know for sure when my birthday was.

I shook my head and looked out the car window. After I was found by one of the nurses who had gone out to smoke a cigarette, I was taken inside the emergency room and put in one of the small rooms. The police came to talk to me but I was terrified. They grilled me on what my name was, where I lived, who my parents were. All I knew was that my name was Isabella, my parents were mommy and daddy, and it was hot where I lived. Not a lot to go on. They ran my prints but nothing came up and I was the little lost girl.

Since they had no clue who my birth parents were or where I was from, I became a ward of the great state of California. My social worker, Tanya Clearwater, arranged for me to go live with Carlisle and Esme Cullen. Esme and Tanya were sisters and Tanya promised me that they would take care of me and they did. They formally adopted me a couple of years after I came to live with them and it was declared that my birthparents had all but abandoned me. I became Isabella Cullen, or Bella as I preferred to be called now. But I still can't help but wonder about who I was before I was found outside that hospital.

"God, look how small the school is," mumbled Emmett, parking the jeep in the parking lot. The red brick building was about a quarter of the size of our high school in LA. He looked back at me. "This is going to be hell."

"No shit," I snorted, shaking my head. "Well, we might as well get this shit done with, though. We owe it to mom and dad to at least try to make this work."

"Fucking great," muttered Jasper, opening his door.

Emmett and I followed his lead and climbed out of the car. The three of us headed through the misty rain and into the school. Of course since we were new, everyone had to stop and stare at us. Just how we wanted to start a new school. I clutched my music book to my chest and followed my brothers down the hall to the office. My music book was my life source, my security blanket if you will. I relied on it way too much. Jasper pulled the door to the office open. I followed him and Emmett in and let the door shut behind me. The woman behind the orange counter, looked up at us and smiled. She had red hair that clearly was not her normal hair coloring and brown eyes.

"Can I help you?" she asked, looking around at all of us.

"We're the Cullens," said Emmett, clearing his throat.

"Of course, I've been expecting you," said the woman, smiling. "I'm Mrs. Cope. I have your schedules right here. Let's see first I have, Emmett."

"That's me," muttered my brother, taking the piece of paper from him.

"Next is Isabella," said Mrs. Cope, looking at me.

"It's Bella," I said, taking my schedule from her.

"Ok, then I have Jasper," she said, handing Jasper his paper. "Now, I need to have these slips signed by all of your teachers and brought back to the office after school."

"Yes, ma'am," we murmured.

We headed back into the hallway and compared our schedules. I had English first period with Emmett then History fourth period with Jasper but other than that, I was all alone. I sighed as I looked up at my brothers. They didn't look any happier about it than I did but what could we do. This was just how it worked out for us, I guess.

"I guess we'll see you later, Jas," I said, sadly.

"Yep, this is so much fucking fun," he muttered, walking down the hall toward his classroom.

I shared a look with Emmett as we turned and headed in the opposite direction. We headed into our classroom and over to our teacher. He was standing behind his desk talking to a short pixie like girl with long black hair and popping black eyes. The two of them looked up at us and I swear, she started squealing. I was immediately afraid.

"Oh my god, you must be the new kids," she squeaked. Emmett looked down at me with a look that clearly said 'what the hell have we gotten ourselves into' before he looked over the pixie.

"Um, yeah," he said, dumbly.

"I'm Mary Alice Brandon but you can call me Alice. I have a feeling that we are going to be like best friends. I can't wait to get to know you better. We can have sleepovers, get our nails done. Oh, we can go shopping!" she squealed, all while jumping up and down. I just stood there with my mouth hanging wide open. She said all of that in one breath. She stopped bouncing and looked at me. "What?"

"Nothing," I muttered, closing my mouth. I looked up at the teacher, who was laughing to himself. "You are supposed to sign these, right?"

"Yes," he chuckled, taking mine and Emmett's slips. "I'm Mr. Owens. Welcome to Forks and to my classroom. You can take the two empty seats next to Alice."

"Yay," squealed Alice, bouncing over to a seat in the back.

"Um, thanks?" asked Emmett, taking his slip from Mr. Owens.

I followed Emmett over to the two desks next to Alice. She pushed him in the seat behind her while pushing me into the one in front of her. For someone so little, she was incredibly strong. I looked past her and back to Emmett, who looked just as surprised as I did. Before I could say anything, Alice started questioning me.

"What's your name? Where are you from? What do you like to do? Is that your real hair color?" she asked.

"Um," I said, taking a deep breath. I had never met someone as perky as she was. "My name is Bella. That's Emmett. We are from LA. I write music and play the guitar. Yes, this is my natural hair color."

"Wow, it's so pretty," she sighed, dreamily while running her fingers through my hair. She smiled and turned to Emmett. "So what do you do?"

"Oh, I, um, like cars," said Emmett. Alice just stared at him like she was waiting for more information. "I like video games, too."

"That's cool," she said, smiling.

Emmett almost looked relieved she turned and looked back at me. Before Alice could say anything else, Mr. Owens started his class. Of course because it wasn't hard enough being the new kids, he made me and Emmett stand up and introduce ourselves. Back in LA, we never had to do shit like this. Me being the red faced person that I was typically was, blushed the entire time.

Once the bell rang, Emmett headed off to his next class while Alice dragged me down to our next class. Apparently we had Calculus together. I followed Alice through the throng of kids who littered the hallway and down to our next classroom. She was chirping away in my ear about everything from the much needed shopping trip I apparently needed to the football game that was at the end of the week.

"Mr. Varner, this is Bella Cullen," squealed Alice, pushing me toward our teacher.

"Alice, what have we discussed about manhandling people?" asked Mr. Varner, cocking his eyebrow at her.

"Not to," mumbled Alice, letting go of my arm. She looked up at me, sadly. "Sorry, I get a little excited sometimes."

"It's fine," I said, smiling at her. "I don't get excited nearly enough."

Alice smiled and went to take her seat. I handed Mr. Varner my slip. He smiled and told me I could take the seat next to Alice, if I wanted. Even though Alice was way perkier than I was used to, I went over and sat down next to her. She seemed excited that I willing sat next to her but she seemed like a nice girl and I wasn't going to complain.

Calculus went by much quicker than I had been expecting. I hated math, even if I was good at it. It was full of right and wrong answers where I enjoyed classes where the answers could be right or wrong, like English. It was all about how you interpreted the material. The bell rang and I followed Alice out into the hallway.

"What class do you have now?" she asked, looking up at me.

"I have Spanish," I sighed. "What about you?"

"History," she said, sadly. "Will you sit with me at lunch?"

"Can my brothers sit with us?" I asked. "I couldn't leave them out."

"Of course they can," smiled Alice. "I can't wait to meet your other brother. I'm an only child so I can't imagine what it must have been like to grow up with two brothers. I mean, it wasn't all bad but I was lonely a lot. Maybe-"

"Alice," I said, interrupting her.

"What?" she asked.

"We're going to be late for class," I laughed.

"Ok, I'll see you later, Bella," she sang, rushing off to her next class. She certainly was a spirited little pixie that's for sure.

I headed down to my next class. Mrs. Goff signed my slip and told me to sit next to a girl named Kate Denali. She waved as I looked around, trying to figure out who she was talking about. I worried my bottom lip as I went back and took the seat next to her. She was a beautiful girl with long blond hair and greenish/blue eyes.

"Hi, I'm Kate," she said, smiling at me.

"Bella," I said, softly.

"You're from California, right?" asked Kate.

"Um, yeah," I said, quietly. "Does it really rain all the time here?"

"Pretty much," snorted Kate. "You get used to it."

"I don't think I will," I grumbled.

Kate laughed as Mrs. Goff stood up and started her class. I looked out the window and noticed that the mist from the morning had turned into a heavy rain. I missed the sun. Once the bell rang ending class, I grabbed my bag and followed Kate out of the classroom. She had biology so she headed down the hall toward her class while I headed in the opposite direction to my history class. Jasper was already sitting in one of the desks in the back. I quickly had our teacher, Mr. Davis, sign my slip and headed back to the desk next to my brother. He looked over at me and smiled.

"How's it going so far?" he asked.

"Fine, I guess," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "Have you talked to Em?"

"Nope." Jasper turned and looked at me. "I did meet Alice, though."

"Oh, yes, Alice," I smiled. "She is quite the ball of energy, isn't she?"

"Yes, I was a little scared of her," laughed Jasper, shaking his head.

"Me too," I snorted.

Mr. Taylor decided that was a good time to start his class. Luckily, he didn't make me and Jasper introduce ourselves to everyone. He started lecturing us over the importance of the American Revolution. Jasper was completely enthralled in the lesson, which wasn't surprising to me seeing as he is a huge history buff. However, I was bored. I spent the hour working on a song that I had been playing through my head over the last couple weeks.

Finally, the bell rang. Jasper and I grabbed our stuff and headed out to our lockers. Emmett was leaning against the wall, arms folded over his massive chest. He was blatantly ignoring the blond girl who was standing across the hall from him and trying her hardest to flirt with him as she flicked her hair over her shoulder and giggled. Emmett didn't fall for crap like that. He liked girls who spoke their minds.

"Hey, Em," I said, opening my locker. "Alice asked if we would sit with her at lunch. Is that ok?"

"Sure," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

Jasper, Emmett, and I headed down to the cafeteria. When we walked in, I saw Alice sitting at a table in the back with Kate Denali and four other people. Emmett, Jasper and I grabbed a tray of what was supposed to be pizza but didn't really look like it, and headed back to join them. Alice was bouncing up and down in her seat, nearly squealing.

The other people with her were laughing and shaking their heads. Sitting to her left was a tall, curvy blond girl with long silky hair and seductive blue eyes. She had a huge smile on her face and I followed it to see that she was smiling at Emmett, who looked dumbstruck. Kate was sitting next to her. On the other side of Kate was a tall boy with sandy hair and dark brown eyes. He had his arm around Kate's shoulder. Next to him was a shorter boy with dark black hair and eyes. He had thick black framed glasses covering his eyes. He was sitting next to a thin girl with long dark brown hair and bright blue eyes.

"Everyone this is Emmett, Jasper, and Bella Cullen," squealed Alice, looping her arm in with mine. "Emmett, Jasper, and Bella, this is Rosalie Hale, Kate Denali, Garrett Swan, Ben Cheney, and Garrett's sister, Angela."


	3. Chapter 3

"It's nice to meet you," said Emmett, plopping down in one of the empty seats. Alice gripped my arm and pulled me into the seat next to her.

"Sit by me, Bella," she said, cheerfully.

"Ok," I laughed.

Jasper took the seat between me and Emmett, even though I noticed him looking over at Alice. He noticed me looking at him and turned away, falling into the seat behind him. For several minutes, nobody said anything. It wasn't necessarily awkward, just quiet. I poked my pizza with my plastic fork and pushed it way. I wasn't convinced it was actually cooked or really even pizza.

"Hey, guys, sorry, I'm late."

I turned as I heard the most incredible voice wash over me. The boy standing behind me was easily the most handsome boy I had ever seen. He was tall and fit. He had dark auburn hair and the brightest pair of emerald green eyes I had ever seen on anyone. He looked over at me and smiled and I felt my heart start beating faster. I was sure he would be able to hear it.

"Hi, I'm Edward Masen," he said, smiling at me.

"Bella," I said, quietly. "Bella Cullen."

"It's nice to meet you, Bella Cullen," he said, smiling even bigger as he took the seat at the end of the table. "I'm going to assume these are your brothers."

"Oh, yeah," I muttered, dumbly as I looked at Emmett and Jasper. They were staring at me with smirks on their faces. "That's Emmett and Jasper," I said, scowling.

"Nice to officially meet you," said Edward, nodding at them. "I've already heard all about you from the buzzing little bees."

"Buzzing little bees?" snorted Jasper. I could feel my face turning red as they stared at me. I would so get them back for this.

"Oh yeah," laughed Edward, looking back over at me. "It's not often that we get new kids. They've been spreading the word around."

"That's fucking great," muttered Emmett. I broke my eyes off of Edward's and fingered my music book.

"So what grade are you guys in?" asked Kate, looking around at us.

"We're juniors," said Emmett. "How about you guys?"

"Garrett and Kate are seniors," explained Alice. "Rose, Edward, and I are juniors. Ben is a sophomore and Angela is just a wee little fish."

"I am so tired of being called a fish," muttered Angela.

"Aw, don't be sad, Angie," laughed Garrett. "One day you will be one of the big kids."

"Whatever, Garry," scoffed Angela. "Stop calling me Angie before I tell mom and dad."

"I'm not scared of them," snorted Garrett. Angela smirked as she whipped out her cell phone. "Shit, Angela, I'm sorry. Don't fucking call them. Dad will take away my car again."

"You would deserve it," she snapped, shoving her phone back into her pocket as she stood up. "You asshole."

Angela stormed away from the table, muttering under her breath. Ben threw his napkin at Garrett before he followed after her. I looked back as he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into his embrace. It was so cute, that it was nauseating.

"Garrett, when are you going to stop picking on her?" asked Kate. I turned back around and saw her glaring at him.

"I was just teasing her," muttered Garrett. "She's just in a bad mood."

"Of course, she is, you idiot," said Kate, scolding him. "You should go apologize to her. You know what today is."

"I know," sighed Garrett, standing up. "Like I could forget, even if I wanted to."

Garrett picked up his tray and carried it over to the trash, tossing it in. He turned and walked out of the cafeteria, throwing the doors open so hard that they slammed against the walls. I turned back to the others, completely confused on what the hell had just happened. Kate smiled before she stood up and followed him out.

"Ignore them," said Rose, looking at me, Jasper, and Emmett. "They aren't normally like that but…"

Rose trailed off as the bell rang, ending lunch. Without saying another word, she stood up and walked out of the room. Alice and Edward both followed her, leaving me and my brothers just sitting there. We shared a look before we stood up, dumped our own trays, and headed to our fifth period classes.

I walked into my biology class to find Edward and Garrett sitting at a table in the back. They were leaned in toward each other, whispering furiously. Garrett was nodding his head to what ever Edward was telling him. I turned and walked up to the teacher, a tall man with whitish/blond hair.

"Aw, you must be Isabella," he said, smiling at me. I heard a loud gasp behind me and turned around. Garrett had snapped his head up and was looking right at me. It was uncomfortable.

"It's just Bella," I muttered, looking away quickly.

"Ok, Bella. I'm Mr. Banner," he said, signing my slip. "We are evenly matched but you can join Edward and Garrett, if you would like."

"Thanks," I said, quickly.

I took my slip from him and headed to the table in the back of the room. I settled on down on the empty side of the desk, laying my music book in front of me. Garrett stared at me for a couple more minutes before he looked away, taking a deep shaky breath.

"Your name is Isabella?" he asked.

"Um, yeah, but I prefer Bella," I said, placing my hand on my music book. Garrett nodded his head and looked back at me. There was a look in his eyes, like he was trying to put together the pieces of a puzzle.

"Dude, don't do this," whispered Edward, placing his hand on Garrett's back. "You're just going to drive yourself crazy."

"I know," muttered Garrett, clearing his throat. He nodded down at the book laying under my hand. "What's that?"

"Oh, um, it's my music book," I mumbled, blushing furiously.

"Do you write your own music?" asked Edward, smiling at me.

"Yes," I said, nodding my head.

"What kind of music do you write?" asked Edward. I blushed, causing him to smile even bigger.

"Depends on my mood, I guess," I murmured, biting on my bottom lip.

"Can I see it?" he asked, holding his hand out to me.

"NO," I said, quickly and quite loudly as I pulled the book up to my chest. "I mean, it's kind of personal and private."

"Don't worry about it," he said, waving me off. "It's cool, though. I play the piano and write my own music, too."

"Really?" I asked. He nodded his head. "I would love to hear you play sometime."

"I'd like to play for you," he said, smiling at me again.

Mr. Banner called class to order as I blushed bright red again. Edward smiled even bigger as he shook his head. I ducked my head down but not before I noticed Garrett staring at me again. He looked away as soon as he realized he was doing it. It was just weird. As class went by, I found myself nervously nibbling on my lip and tapping my fingers on the black top of our lab table. I just wasn't sure why I was so nervous.

I mean, sure Edward was like the hottest guy I had ever seen, much less talked to. And sure, he did talk to me, too, but it wasn't like I had never talked to a cute boy before. I looked up and saw him watching me. He smiled a sexy, crooked smile and I blushed and looked away again. This was going to be a long ass school year.

The bell rang and Garrett jumped to his feet and nearly ran out of the classroom without a word. I frowned as I looked over at Edward, who sighed and shook his head. He looked over at me and gave me a soft smile.

"Don't take it personally, " he said. "Today is his little sister's birthday."

"Angela's?" I asked.

"No, his other sister," muttered Edward. "She died when they were little. Today is just hard day for all of them."

"Oh, believe me, I get it," I murmured, darkly. I knew all too well about facing hard days.

"So what class do you have now?" asked Edward. I shook my head, pushing all those negative thoughts out of my head.

"Gym," I groaned. Edward smiled at me.

"I have gym, too," he smirked. "Shall we?"

"We shall," I said, smiling at him. I followed Edward out into the hall and toward the gym.

"So, Bella Cullen," he said. "You and your brothers are from LA, right?"

"Yep," I said. "Where it is warm and dry."

"You get used to the rain," laughed Edward.

"I don't think so," I said, sighing. "I already miss the sun."

"I bet you do," he mused, looking down at me.

We stopped in front of the doors to the locker rooms. Edward shifted from his left foot to his right, looking suddenly as nervous as I felt. What the hell was going on with me? He was just a boy and I was acting like he was more than that.

"Well, I guess I should go change," he said, clearing his throat. "Coach Swan will be waiting for you in the gym, I'm sure."

"Thanks," I smiled.

I blushed scarlet as I turned and headed in the gym, leaving him standing there watching me. I was going to die from all this blushing I was doing. I was certain of it. Coach Swan was sitting on the bleachers with his elbows on his knees. He was tall, thin man with dark brown hair. He looked up at me and I saw that he had dark brown eyes as well. I headed over to him and handed him my slip.

"Hi, I'm new," I said. He cleared his throat as he took my slip.

"Ah, one of Dr. Cullen's kids," he said, gruffly. He looked up from the slip in his hand and stared at me. "Your name is Isabella?"

"It's just Bella," I said, uncomfortably. He nodded his head and signed my slip.

"I'll, um, get you some workout clothes ready for tomorrow. You can just sit out today," he said, standing up.

"Oh, ok," I muttered.

"You're from California?" he asked. I nodded my head. "Bet it's warm there."

"And dry," I said, quietly. He laughed, throwing his head back.

"And dry," he agreed. "Welcome to Forks, Bella."

"Thank you, Coach Swan," I said, smiling at him.

I settled down on the bleachers as the rest of the kids came trickling out of the locker rooms. Rose and Kate were also in our class. They waved at me before lining up where Coach Swan told them to. Edward looked over at me and smiled. I returned his smile, blushing again. This shit was getting old.

Coach Swan had them play basketball, boys on one side of the court and girls on the other. I couldn't help but watch Edward as he play. He was just so cute. His shirt would ride up when he went to shoot a jump shot showing the small sliver of skin between the hem and the top of his shorts. Like he could feel me watching, he looked over at me and smiled. Shit, I was in so much trouble.

Coach Swan dismissed them and Edward came running over to me. He was covered in sweat and his shirt was clinging to him in a way that should be illegal. I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from him.

"Hey, wait for me, ok?" he asked.

"My brothers will be waiting," I said, shaking my head.

"Come on, just wait for me," he said, pouting. "I'll be really fast. Like two minutes tops."

"Fine," I smiled, shaking my head. "But if they get mad at me, then I am blaming you."

"Deal," he said, returning my smile.

He turned and ran into the boys locker room. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my heart. It was beating so fast that I was almost scared. True to his word, Edward came rushing out of the locker room two minutes later. He was still pulling his shirt over his head, giving me a delicious view of his chest.

"Did I make it in time?" he asked.

"Barely," I smirked, standing up. I jumped off the last row of the bleachers and picked up my backpack. "Lucky for you."

"Very lucky for me," he laughed. He and I headed out of the gym, walking down the hallway slowly. "So, how was your first day?"

"It was long," I sighed, looking up at him. "But good."

"Good, that's good," he said, nodding his head. We walked outside and I groaned.

"It's raining even harder now," I whined.

"Yeah," he said, unzipping his backpack. He pulled out a small umbrella. "Here."

"You carry an umbrella in your backpack?" I asked, taking it in my hand.

"We do live in the rainiest place in the country, Bella," chuckled Edward.

"That we do," I said, opening it. It flew open causing me to squeal. "That was fast."

"I should have warned you, I guess," he smirked. "But I did like the little squeal you did."

"Don't make fun of me," I grumbled.

"I'm not," he insisted. "I really did like it. It was cute."

"Oh," I whispered, blushing.

"BELLA, LET'S GO!" yelled Emmett. I blushed even more as I looked over to where he and Jasper were standing.

"I'M COMING!" I screamed, causing Edward to laugh.

"Go before they come up and kick my ass," he snorted. "I'll see you tomorrow, Bella."

"Tomorrow," I smiled. "Thanks for letting me use your umbrella."

"Anytime," he said, smiling a sexy, crooked smile.

I blushed again as I turned and rushed over to where Emmett and Jasper were waiting for me. They opened their mouths to speak but I glared at them. They shut their mouths and climbed into the jeep behind me. As Emmett pulled out of the parking lot, I saw Edward climbing into a shiny silver Volvo.

Emmett pulled up in the driveway a few minutes later. The three of us climbed out of the jeep and ran into the house. Esme had been busy today. She had unpacked almost all of the boxes in the living room and had managed to put up all our embarrassing family photos. Esme walked out of the kitchen and smiled at us.

"How was your first day?" she asked. "I didn't get any phone calls from your principal so I am going to assume that you didn't get caught causing trouble."

"So funny, Mom," I snorted, shaking my head. "The first day has come and gone, thank goodness."

"Here, here," laughed Jasper, looping his arm in with mine. "But Bella has a very interesting new friend."

"Jasper," I hissed, pushing him away. "You are such a fu…jerk."

"Isabella," said Esme. I cringed when she called me by my given name and looked over at her. "Who is Jasper talking about?"

"Nobody," I muttered, blushing bright red again. Jasper and Emmett burst out laughing as they took off up the stairs. I took off running after them. "I'm going to kick your asses."

"LANGUAGE, ISABELLA!" yelled Esme.

I ignored my mother as I chased my brothers into Emmett's room. I tackled Emmett down onto the floor and punched him on the arm. He yelled and pushed me off, pinning me down. Jasper came over and knelt down on the floor next to my head and started poking me in the forehead with his finger.

"Stop it, Jas," I laughed, squirming under Emmett. He was laughing as he held my arms down onto the floor.

"Not until you admit to having a crush on Edward," said Jasper, smiling.

"NEVER!" I cackled, trying to bite his finger but he was quicker than me. "Fine, I think Edward is cute and I can't wait to have his babies."

"WHAT?" roared Carlisle, storming into Emmett's room. Jasper quickly turned around as Emmett let me up. "BABIES?"

"Dad, calm down," I laughed, standing up. "I was joking."

"That shit is not funny," he muttered, shuffling out of Emmett's room.

"It's a little funny," I mumbled.

Emmett and Jasper both burst out laughing with me. I headed down the hallway to my room and started unpacking my bedroom. It took me most of the evening to get my books put away, my posters of all my favorite bands up on the wall, and my CD's arranged. Then I had to move onto all my clothes and shoes that were still packed up. Why I had most of that crap was beyond me, but I did.

Just after seven, Esme called us downstairs for dinner. I took my usual seat next to her while Emmett sat next to me and Jasper sat across from us. Carlisle was still pouting from his seat at the end of the table. We fixed our plates and I looked over at him.

"Daddy," I said, knowing that he loved when I called him daddy. He rolled his eyes and looked over at me. "It was funny."

"Nuh uh," he muttered.

"Yes, it was," I smirked. "You just lost your sense of humor. The rain must of washed it away."

"Did not," he said, pursing his lips together. However, I saw the corner of his lips twitching as he fought his smile. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Ok, it was funny but no more talk of babies, understand?"

"Yes, Daddy," I smiled.

"That wasn't fair calling me daddy, Bella," he grumbled. "You know I can't resist that shit."

"Carlisle," said Esme. He looked up at her. "Language."

"Yes, dear," he murmured.

Emmett, Jasper, and I shared a look before we started eating our dinner. He was so whipped. Once we had finished dinner, we did the dishes and headed back up to our rooms. I did my homework before changing into my pajamas. I climbed into my bed, put my iPod on, and drifted to sleep, thinking about Edward. Maybe he would be worth the rain.


	4. Chapter 4

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing that I noticed was that it was still raining. How could people really enjoy living somewhere that rains as much as this place does? I had only lived here for a couple of days and it was already annoying the shit out of me. I reluctantly climbed out of my nice, toasty warm bed and headed into my bathroom.

I quickly showered and got dressed for school, opting to wear my favorite jeans and my 'Clash' t-shirt. It used to be Carlisle's but I stole it a couple of years ago. He pretended to bitch about it but he didn't care. I think he secretly liked the fact that I wanted to wear his old clothes. I pulled on my black boots, shoved my music book into my backpack, and headed downstairs to the kitchen.

Esme was sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee. Emmett and Jasper were both shoving food into their mouths at an alarming rate while Carlisle was grimacing as he watched them. I had to agree with him, it was disgusting.

"Dudes, chew," I said, plopping down in the seat next to my mother.

"And close your mouths," added Carlisle, turning away from them and looking at me. "Nice shirt."

"It is nice, isn't it?" I said, smiling at him. "This old guy gave it to me."

"You mean you stole it from a young, ruggedly handsome man, don't you?" he asked, smirking at me.

"No," I said. "I was talking about you, Dad."

"Wow," snorted Carlisle, standing up. "I don't feel the love here, honey."

"Aw, Daddy, you know I love you," I said, sweetly.

"Stop calling him daddy, butt kisser," muttered Emmett, mouth full of eggs.

"Emmett Cullen, don't talk with your mouth full," scolded Esme. Emmett quickly swallowed the food in his mouth.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, before turning to me. "You need to stop sucking up to the old man."

"I am standing right here," said Carlisle, throwing his arms up. "And I am not old."

"Whatever," muttered both Emmett and Jasper.

"Of course you're not, Daddy," I said, smiling at him. Emmett and Jasper both rolled their eyes as they pushed away from the table.

"I think I am going to be sick," groaned Jasper.

"Me too," muttered Emmett. "Let's get out of here before she starts in again."

Carlisle and Esme laughed as they left the room. I grabbed a slice of toast off the table and followed them out. We grabbed our backpacks and headed out to the jeep. I used Edward's umbrella again, ignoring the smirks coming from my brothers. They could be wet all they wanted. I chose to stay dry.

Emmett parked the jeep in the parking lot. He and Jasper took off running into the school. I followed them but wasn't nearly as quick. I had just walked into the school when I hit a slick spot on the floor and started to fall. I felt a pair of hands reach out and grip the tops of my arms, stopping me from falling on my ass. I looked up to see Coach Swan.

"Thanks," I said, laughing.

"No problem," he smiled. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm vertically challenged," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "Don't tell anyone but air has it in for me. It's been trying to do me in for years now."

"Your secret is safe with me, Bella," he laughed. "Air isn't really my friend either."

"Ah, so you understand," I said, nodding my head.

"I do," he smiled. "Well, I guess I'll see you in gym later."

"Oh boy," I said, scowling.

Coach Swan laughed as he headed down the hallway. I made my way down to my locker and shoved the handful of books that I didn't need in there. I turned and made my way down to my first period class. I was surprised to see Edward sitting in the desk next to mine. Emmett was smirking in his seat behind Alice, with his hands behind his head. _Fucking jerk._

"Edward, I didn't know you were in this class," I said, sliding into my seat.

"I had a doctor's appointment yesterday morning," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Allergies can be a real bitch."

"What are you allergic to?" I asked, placing my chin on the palm of my hand as I leaned toward him.

"Strawberries" he said.

"Strawberries?" I asked. He nodded his head.

"I break out into hives and my throat closes…" he trailed off as he shuddered. "It's ugly."

"Sounds like it," I said, smiling. "I'll have to make sure you don't come into contact with any, won't I?"

"Yep," he smiled.

Mr. Owens came rushing into the classroom and started his class. I turned back to the front, blushing as Edward smiled at me. I tried to pay attention but how could I? I mean, Edward was sitting less than two feet away from me. I peeked through my hair and looked at him. He quickly turned away when he saw me looking. The bell rang, startling me. I laughed nervously as I picked up my backpack and followed Edward, Alice, and Emmett out into the hall. Emmett smirked as he took off to his next class, leaving me with Alice and Edward.

"So what class do you have now?" asked Edward.

"Um-"

"She had calculus with us," squealed Alice, pulling on my arm and dragging me down the hall.

"Alice, stop pulling on her," said Edward, grabbing my arm. I felt a tingle shoot through my arm and looked up at him. He quickly dropped his hand and clear his throat. "I mean…"

"Oh, sorry," said Alice, letting go of my arm. "I was just so excited."

"I could tell," I murmured, breaking my eyes away from Edward's. "We should go."

"Yeah," said Edward. "Stupid static electricity."

Alice started back down the hallway, gabbing about some movie that she watched last night. Edward and I followed her but I wasn't really listening to anything she was saying. My attention was focused on the boy next to me. We walked into our class and took our seats. Edward sat in the seat next to mine but didn't say anything.

Mr. Varner came in and collected everyone's homework before he started his lesson for the day. I pulled out my music book and tried to focus on the music but I couldn't. Not with Edward sitting right there, smelling so good and looking even better. God, I really was starting to sound pathetic. The bell rang and I closed my book.

"So what do you have now?" he asked, standing up.

"Spanish," I said, getting up from my desk. "What about you?"

"History," he frowned. "I guess I'll see you at lunch."

"I guess," I said, hearing the sadness in my own voice. "See you."

"See you," he echoed.

I grabbed my bag and shuffled out of the classroom, leaving him and Alice behind. I wasn't sure why I was so disappointed that he wasn't in my next class. Sure, I liked him and thought he was incredibly cute but it wasn't like we were together or in love or anything. Christ, I just met him yesterday and I'm already mooning over him. I really am pathetic.

"Why are you pathetic?" asked Kate as I slid into my seat.

"Crap, did I say that aloud?" I asked, dropping my back on the floor.

"Yes," laughed Kate. "So what makes you pathetic?"

"Nothing," I mumbled, blushing as I looked away.

"Right," snorted Kate.

Mrs. Goff came in and started our lesson for the day. We were conjugating verbs so we stayed busy and I barely thought about Edward or his amazing eyes, his rock hard abs, fluffy hair or how every time he spoke, my stomach flip-flopped and I fought the urge to giggle like a little school girl. Yeah, I didn't think about any of those things.

The bell rang and I told Kate I would see her later. She had a smirk playing on her lips as she bid me farewell. I made my way down the hall to my history class. I took my seat next to Jasper, who had his head back and his eyes closed.

"Jas, you ok?" I asked. He opened his eyes and looked at me.

"I think I'm crazy," He said. I stared at him waiting for him to continue. "Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, but you've always been a loon," I snorted. "What's different now?"

"Ok, if I tell you this, you have to swear not to tell Emmett," he whispered, leaning toward me.

"Ok," I whispered back. Jasper looked over his shoulder like he was afraid that Emmett was suddenly going to pop up at the last possible moment. "Jasper."

"I like Alice," he whispered. I pursed my lips together to stop myself from laughing. "Don't you dare fucking laugh, Bella."

"Why would I laugh, Jasper?" I asked, smirking. "Just because you and Emmett have teased me relentlessly for…nothing."

"Fuck, I'm sorry, ok?" he asked, pleading with me. "I was an asshole but please don't laugh."

"I'm not going to laugh," I said, smiling at him. "So you and Alice, huh?"

"I just like her," he muttered. "Sure, she's annoying and loud. Way to fucking perky but I could deal with that, I think. She's beautiful and smart. She and I have gym together. Coach Swan let us goof off today so we sat up in the bleachers, talking. Well, she did most of the talking but she's really funny, Bella."

"Aw, Jas," I sighed. "You're so cute."

"I should have known better than to talk to you," he grumbled, sitting back in his seat.

"No, I'm serious," I laughed. He scoffed and folded his arms across his chest. "Jas, I'm sorry. I really do think it's cool."

"Yeah?" he asked, looking at me. I nodded my head. "Do you think she would go out with me if I asked?"

"I bet she would," I smiled.

Mr. Taylor came in and continued his lecture on the American Revolution. Once the bell rang, Jasper and I headed out to our lockers and put our books up. We went down to the cafeteria and saw Emmett already there, sitting next to Rosalie with his arm on the back of her chair. Jasper and I shared a look as we carried our lunch over and sat down. Emmett pulled his arm back and glared at us.

"Hey, guys," squealed Alice, plopping down in the seat next to Jasper. His cheeks turned pink as he looked down at her.

"Hi, Alice," he said. Emmett opened his mouth to speak but I kicked him in the leg.

"Damn it, Bella," he growled, pushing back from the table. "Your fucking boots hurt."

"Sorry, Em, I didn't realize that was your leg," I said, smiling at him.

"Whatever," he muttered, pulling his chair back up.

"Hey," said Edward, slipping into the empty seat next to me. I blushed as I looked over at him.

"Hey," I said, feeling like an idiot. It was like I forgot how to use my words.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Edward, nodding his head at Emmett. I looked over to see him rubbing his leg and muttering under his breath about me.

"Oh, I kicked him," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Why did you kick him?" asked Edward, chuckling.

"Oh, well, when I was around five, he broke the head off my Barbie," I explained.

"Hmm, you waited a while to get your revenge," he commented, smiling.

"I like to be thorough," I smiled.

"Good to know," he said, returning my smile.

I blushed as I turned away from him. That's when I noticed Garrett, Kate, Angela, and Ben over by the doors to the cafeteria. I couldn't hear what they were saying but it was clear that Garrett and Angela were fighting over something. Garrett said something to her and she pushed him away.

"JUST FUCK OFF!" screamed Angela before storming out of the room. I looked back over at Edward.

"Is that normal?" I asked.

"Lately," he said. I looked back at Garrett and Kate made their way over to our table and sat down. "You ok, Man?"

"I caught her smoking again," sighed Garrett. "She's just so pissed all the time."

"Gar, you know how hard it is on her," muttered Kate, slipping her hand in his.

"I know," he whispered, turning and laying his forehead on her shoulder. Emmett and Jasper looked confused about what was going on.

"Oh, look, it stopped raining," said Emmett. I turned and saw that he was right.

"Huh, what do you know," I snorted.

"Told you it didn't rain all the time," said Edward. I turned back and looked at him. "Just most of the time."

"So you did," I smiled.

Once the bell rang, everyone headed off to their afternoon classes. I stopped off at the ladies room. I walked in and found Angela sitting in the corner. She had her knees pulled up to her chest. She looked up at me. Her eyes were red and swollen. I headed into one of the stalls and quickly took care of business. I flushed and went out to wash my hands.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"What do you care?" she asked, rudely.

"I was just trying to be nice," I said, quietly. I pulled off a couple paper towels and dried my hands.

"You wouldn't understand," she muttered.

"You'd be surprised what I would understand," I whispered.

"Do you know what it feels like to live in the shadow of a ghost?" she asked.

"No," I said, sitting down next to her. "But I know what it feels like to be lost."

"You do?" she asked.

"I was adopted when I was five," I said. "My parents are amazing and I love them but I wonder what my birth parents are like. If they think about me at all."

"My sister died right after I was born," said Angela. "All my mom and dad talk about is her and what she should be like now and who she should be. I just want to scream at them to look at me cause I'm standing right there."

"Maybe you should," I said, standing up. I pulled her to her feet. "I don't really know what to say."

"Nobody does," said Angela, walking out of the bathroom.

I followed her out and headed down to my biology class. The bell rang right as I stepped in. I muttered an apology to Mr. Banner and took my seat across from Edward and Garrett. Mr. Banner started lecturing us over the stages of Mitosis, which was incredibly boring. When the bell rang, I grabbed my stuff and followed Edward down to the gym.

"I see you are still on your feet, Bella," laughed Coach Swan.

"For now," I snorted.

"Well, here are some workout clothes but you have free day today so you can dress out tomorrow," he said, handing me the blue shorts and grey t-shirt.

"Thanks," I muttered. "I can't wait."

"It won't be so bad," he laughed. "I'll tell air to leave you alone."

"Gee, thanks."

Coach Swan headed off to his office, still laughing. I tossed my clothes into my gym locker and headed into the gym. Edward was sitting in the bleachers with Rose and Kate. I went over and sat down next to him, tucking my arms between my torso and my legs. I was freezing but I didn't want to say anything.

"Are you cold?" asked Edward.

"No," I said, shivering. He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Ok, yes, but it's chilly in here."

"Sure it is," he laughed. He stood up and pulled off his button up shirt, leaving him in a dark blue t-shirt. "Here, this will help"

"You don't have to do that," I muttered.

"I want to," he said, holding it out for me. I stood up and slipped my arms into it. "Better?"

"Yeah, thanks," I said, blushing as I sat back down. His shirt smelled like him. I wanted to hold it up to my nose and never stop smelling him.

"So, Bella, Friday after school we are all heading to Port Angeles to watch a movie," said Rose, looking from me to Edward and back. "You want to come? Emmett and Jasper, too, of course."

"Oh, um, I'd have to talk to my parents first," I said.

"That's fine," she said, smiling. "Just let us know."

"I will," I said, returning her smile.

We spent the rest of gym talking about the different movie options for Friday night. The only thing the three of them agreed on was that they didn't want to watch anything scary. I didn't really care as long as my parents would let us go. About halfway through class, Edward reached over and pushed a strand of hair out of my face. I blushed and stammered out a thank you. He just smiled and nodded his head. Once again, Edward walked out of the school with me. It had started drizzling again but at least it wasn't a full out hard rain. I could handle this.

"Here's your shirt," I said as I started to pull it off.

"Keep it," he smiled, pulling it back onto my shoulders. "It's looks better on you, anyway."

"Oh." My face flushed bright red. "Um, thanks, I guess."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," he said, smiling even bigger.

"Tomorrow," I murmured, softly.

I was smiling like an idiot as I joined Emmett and Jasper at the jeep. They both raised an eyebrow at the fact that I was wearing Edward's shirt but didn't say anything. We climbed into the jeep and headed back home. We walked in and found Esme sitting on the couch, making what looked like a grocery list. She looked up and smiled when we came in.

"Another good day?" she asked, giving us her mom look.

"Of course," I said, sitting next to her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm fixing to head to the store," she said, looking up at me. "Would you like to come with me?"

"Sure," I said.

I ran my backpack upstairs to my room and came back down. Esme and I climbed into her car, a black Audi SUV, and headed down to the supermarket. Esme pulled up into an empty parking space and we headed inside. She didn't have a lot on her shopping list but enough that we were going to need a basket. We had just turned the corner from the juice aisle to go to the soups when we crashed into someone.

"Bella, we have got to stop meeting like this," laughed Coach Swan. I chuckled and nodded my head. There was a thin woman next to him. She had shoulder length blond hair and bright blue eyes.

"I know," I laughed. "One of us is going to get hurt."

"Bella, aren't you going to introduce us?" asked Esme, placing her hand on my back.

"Oh, sorry, Mom," I said, turning from her to Coach Swan. "Mom, this is Coach Swan and…"

"I'm Charlie Swan," he said, smiling at my mother. "This is my wife, Renee. I'm one of the coaches at the high school."

"It's nice to meet you both," said Esme.

"You too," said Renee, looking from her back over to me. "I'm sorry, I haven't had the chance to come by and welcome you to town but this week…well, it's been hectic."

"It's fine," said Esme as Charlie, wrapped his arm around Renee's waist. I felt like I was interrupting a private moment between them. Esme cleared her throat. "We should get going. Who knows what those boys are up to."

"Scary thought," laughed Renee. "It was nice to meet you both."

"You too," smiled Esme.

While Esme stopped and grabbed some soup, I looked back at Charlie and Renee. She looked back at me and smiled before turning the corner. I turned back and followed Esme through the store while she grabbed the rest of the items on her list. We checked out and loaded everything into the car.

"Mom," I said.

"What?" asked Esme, looking from the road to me for a moment.

"Emmett, Jasper, and I were invited to go to Port Angeles with a few other kids Friday after school," I explained. "Can we go?"

"Who all is going?" she asked. "We would need to meet them all before you could go."

"Mom," I whined.

"Isabella, you've known these kids two days," she said, sternly. "Dad and I need to meet them before we can in good conscience let you go."

"Fine," I said, folding my arms on my chest. "If we stop by the house before we leave, can we go?"

"Yes, Bella," sighed Esme.

"Thanks, Mom," I said, smiling as I looked out the window.

Once we got back to the house, Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle helped us get all the groceries in. We ordered pizza for dinner, since we had just gone to the store. After dinner, I talked to Emmett and Jasper about going to Port Angeles. They both seemed excited about going, too. I did my homework and read for a while before going to bed. For the second night in a row, I dreamed about Edward.


	5. Chapter 5

By Friday morning, I was damn near giddy. I told Edward, and everyone else, but mostly Edward, that we could with them if they would come by the house to meet Carlisle and Esme. I was afraid at the time that they would think it was silly or dorky that our parents wanted to meet them before we headed to Port Angeles but they all just shrugged their shoulders and agreed. Edward actually smiled a huge, breathtakingly gorgeous smile. I hoped that it was because he wanted me to come and not just as a friend. Wishful thinking, maybe?

"Bella, let's go," yelled Emmett.

"I'm coming," I yelled back, shoving my music book into my backpack. "Keep your panties on!"

I took one more look at myself in the mirror. I was wearing a pair of tight ass jeans that would probably cut all circulation to the lower part of my body and a black, long-sleeve Bon Jovi T-shirt that I gotten when Carlisle took me to their concert for my non-birthday last year. Since we didn't know exactly when I was born, we always celebrated my birthday on the day that I came to live with them, the tenth of December. It was better than nothing, I guess.

"BELLA!" bellowed Jasper.

"I'M COMING!" I screamed.

I turned and grabbed my backpack and ran out of my room. I rushed down the stairs, bidding my parents a rushed goodbye, and followed my brothers out to the jeep. They both muttered under their breath about me taking forever but I ignored them. It was much harder for girls to get ready than for boys. I mean, all boys do is run their fingers through their hair, slap on some deodorant, and pick the cleanest shirt in their laundry basket. Girls had to do so much more.

Emmett pulled the jeep into the parking lot a few minutes later. The three of us climbed out of the jeep and rushed into the school. Jasper took off running to his class while Emmett and I ran to ours. So maybe I took way too much time getting ready this morning. We rushed into our classroom right as the bell rang. Edward looked over at me and smiled. Totally worth being late.

I smiled back at I went over and took my seat next to him. Mr. Owens gave me and Emmett a stern look as he started his class. I wanted to be sorry but seeing as Edward was still smiling at me, I just wasn't. Class felt like it took forever and when the bell finally rang, I sighed in relief.

"You cut it pretty close this morning," said Edward, walking out into the hall with me. "I was afraid you were sick or something and then you couldn't come tonight."

"She's just slow," smirked Emmett, walking past us. I reached out and popped him on the back of the head. "Bella, I'm telling mom if you don't stop hitting me."

"Big baby," I muttered. He huffed and stormed down the hall. Edward and Alice were laughing silently. "It's not funny. If he tells my mom, she won't let any of us go."

"Jasper, too?" asked Alice. She threw her hands up to her mouth, like she couldn't believe what she just asked. "I mean….shit."

Alice scurried away, mumbling under breath about not thinking before she said things. Edward was covering his mouth with his hand as he tried not to outright laugh at her. I shook my head and started walking with him down the hall. Edward and I walked into our classroom. Alice was sitting at her desk, with her arms folded across her chest like she was trying to keep her words inside of her.

"It's ok, Alice," I said, taking my seat and looking back at her.

"No, it's not," she sighed. She leaned forward so that she was really close to me. "Look, I know you are his sister and this has to be weird, but…well, I like him and I think he likes me but you know how it is with boys. Sometimes they are so stupid that you can't really tell what they are thinking-"

"We are not," scoffed Edward. Alice and I looked over at him.

"Yes, you are," we said. I looked back at Alice.

"Tell him," I said. "A little birdie told me that he likes you, too."

"Really?" she squealed and clapped her hands. I laughed as I nodded my head. Alice launched herself at me, throwing her arms around me. "THANK YOU, BELLA!"

"Alice," said Mr. Varner. Alice pulled away from me and looked over at him. "Hands."

"Oh, sorry," she giggled.

Mr. Varner shook his head as he laughed. He started his lesson so I turned and faced the front. I could feel Alice vibrating with excitement behind me. I looked over at Edward, who was laughing silently. She was such a wee little pixie but so full of energy. I hope Jasper knew what he was getting himself into with this one.

The bell rang, ending class and I headed down to my Spanish class. We were having a test today. It took me about half the class to finish it and then I spent the rest of class talking to Kate about the movie we were going to go watch tonight; some kind of new vampire love story. Who ever heard of such crap?

History went by in a flash, mostly because we were watching a documentary over the American Revolution. I tried to pass notes with Jasper but he was too busy paying attention. I love my brother but he could be such a nerd sometimes. At least when it came to history, anyway. Mr. Taylor let us leave a little early so Jasper and I were the first ones to get to our table.

We had only been sitting there for a few minutes when the doors to the cafeteria were thrown open. I looked back to see Alice marching over to us with a look of pure determination etched on her face. I looked back at Jasper, who looked both scared and turned on. Alice stopped in front of him, placed her hands on her hips, and started speaking.

"Jasper Cullen, I like you and I think you like me. If you don't, then fine but I think you do. Now, I want us to go out and be a couple cause I think we would be really cute together. What do you think?" asked Alice, all in one breath. Jasper just sat there, staring at her, so I kicked him.

"Ow," he muttered, looking over at me.

I motioned to Alice. Jasper looked over at her and stood up. He took a deep breath before he pulled her into his arms, causing her to gasp, and crushed his lips down onto hers. My mouth dropped open and I am pretty sure my eyes were the size of golf balls. I figured he would just say yes and hold her hand.

"What the fuck?" asked Emmett. He, Rose, Garrett, Kate, Ben, Angela, and Edward were standing behind Alice and Jasper, watching them make-out. I reached over popped Jasper on the back of the head.

"Fuck off, Bella," snapped Jasper, looking back at me. He turned and saw everyone watching him. "Oh, shit."

"Yeah," I laughed. He glared at me and I put my hand over my mouth to stop laughing but I couldn't.

"Jasper and Alice, sitting in a tree," sang Emmett, sitting down. Rose reached over and hit him in the back of the head. "Rose!"

"Don't make fun of them," she said. "It's sweet."

"Sweet," scoffed Emmett, turning to her. "So you think it would be sweet if I just kissed you?"

"No, but I am not Alice," said Rose, smirking.

"Hey, that sounded like an insult," whined Alice. She and Jasper had finally sat down and joined the rest of us. Edward, of course, was sitting next to me. I was both thrilled and nervous as hell.

"I didn't mean it as one, Alice," smiled Rose. "I just meant that you are all into the romance of the moment while I would prefer if a guy just pinned me against the wall and took me."

"Fuck," muttered Emmett, staring at her. Rose winked at him before turning back to the rest of us. Her eyes landed on Edward.

"Bella, how about you?" she asked, looking from Edward to me. "Romance or being ravaged."

"Neither," growled Emmett and Jasper. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't know," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "A little of both. Maybe being romanced but just as he was going to kiss me, he kissed me hard, making me his the moment his lips touched down on mine."

I blushed as I brought my hand up to my lips, lightly tracing them as I lost myself in my fantasy. Of course, the boy was Edward. We were standing someplace private. Maybe one of the beaches back in LA or a nice little meadow somewhere that nobody could bother us. We would be standing there, completely lost in each other. Of course, I would be blushing. Edward would grip my hips firmly in his hands, pulling my body flush with his. He lowered his lips, letting them part at the last second and-

"Bella, snap out of it," said Jasper, snapping his fingers in front of my face. I shook my head and looked around. The bell must have rung because everyone was leaving.

"Sorry," I mumbled, standing up.

I followed Edward and Garrett down to our biology class. We took our seats in the back and I ran my finger over the cover of my music book, playing with the edges. I couldn't believe I had spaced out like that. I mean, what if I had said any of that shit aloud. I would have died of embarrassment right then and there, I was sure of that.

"When are you going to let me see your music book?" asked Edward, breaking me out of my internal ramblings.

"Never," I said, pulling it up to my chest. "I told you it's private."

"Don't you trust me?" he asked, feigning hurt.

"Should I?" I asked, smirking at him. "I've known you like five days."

"True but you can trust me, Bella," he said, seriously.

I wanted to trust him, and I did with just about anything, but my music was my life source, my therapist, my shoulder to cry on. Whenever I found myself dwelling in the mystery that was me, I poured it out into this book. Was I ready for him to know everything?

"Sorry," I whispered, clutching the book closer to me. "There is so much in here that I'm not ready for you to know yet."

"Ok, I can wait," he said, smiling.

As Mr. Banner started his lesson, I took a deep breath and placed my book down on the table. My hands were shaking and I was feeling very jittery. Once the bell rang, I grabbed my stuff and headed out into the hall, taking a deep breath.

"I didn't mean to upset you," said Edward, falling into step with me.

"You didn't," I muttered, looking up at him. "There's just things, Edward…" I trailed off as I shook my head. "You're an only child, right?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "I begged my parents for a brother or sister but they said I was enough for them."

"That's really…gross," I said.

"Tell me about it," snorted Edward, leaning against the wall outside of the girls locker room. He reached up and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, bring my blush out of course. "Beautiful," he whispered. He shook his head and cleared this throat. "I had better get ready for gym."

"Yeah, me too," I smiled. Edward turned and hightailed it to the boys' locker room. I smiled as I turned and headed into the girls. Edward had called me beautiful.

Gym was spent running laps around the court. Edward ran next to me, even though we both knew that he could run faster than me if he wanted to. It was still sweet through. Charlie let us out a few minutes early and I followed Rose and Kate into the locker room. I was covered in sweat from running and felt nasty. I rinsed off quickly and got dressed. I stood next to them while we replied make-up, deodorant and perfume.

Once we had deemed ourselves ready, we headed out of the locker rooms. Edward, Garrett, and Emmett were waiting for us. Edward took my backpack for me as we headed out into the parking lot. Emmett noticed but he didn't say anything about it, thank goodness. I would have hated to have to beat him down in front of Rose. Especially when it was so obvious that he had a thing for her.

"Ok, so we'll follow you over to your house," said Edward, placing my backpack in to the backseat of the jeep.

"Sounds good," I said, smiling.

Once we had all loaded up into our cars, we headed to the house. Garrett and Kate were in his car, a Toyota Camry. Alice and Rose were in Rose's red BMW and Edward was in his silver Volvo. They pulled up behind us and we all climbed out.

Emmett, Jasper, and I shared a look as we led everyone into the house. It's not that we were embarrassed by our parents, but they by definition were parents and that meant that they didn't always think before they spoke. I sighed inwardly and pushed open the front door. Carlisle and Esme were standing by the couches. Carlisle had his arm draped around her waist. It was gross.

"Come in, everyone," cheered Esme. I rolled my eyes as everyone shuffled into the room. "How was school?"

"Fine," we all muttered.

"Ok, Mom, Dad, this is Garrett Swan, Rosalie Hale, Alice Brandon, Kate Denali, and Edward Masen," I said, quickly, knowing that they would insist on having last names as well as first. "Ok, we are going now."

"No, wait just a minute," said Esme, calling us all back. I groaned as I looked back at my mother. "Everyone have a seat please."

"Mom," I muttered, glaring at her.

"Bella," she said, firmly.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest as I went over and plopped down on the sofa. I knew she was going to embarrass us. I could hear Emmett and Jasper muttering under their breath as they, and everyone else moved over to the couches. Garrett was fixing to sit down when he looked up at the bookshelves that sat on either side of the television.

He gasped as he stepped over and pulled a picture of me, Emmett, and Jasper off the shelf. It was taken about a week after I came to live with them. Carlisle and Esme had taken us to the park and the three of us were on a seesaw. I was sitting in the front with Jasper behind me and Emmett behind him. It was Esme's favorite picture of us. Garrett looked over at me with wide eyes. All the color had drained in his face.

"Is this you, Bella?" he asked, gesturing to where I sat in the picture.

"Yeah," I said. Garrett threw his hand up to his mouth as he shook his head.

"It's not possible," he muttered, looking back at me. Without saying anything else, Garrett took off running from the house with our picture still in his hand.

"Hey, bring my picture back," yelled Esme. Kate stood up and followed him to the door.

"Sorry," she muttered, before leaving.

"Well, that was rude," muttered Esme. "He stole my picture."

"We'll make sure he brings it back," said Edward, looking back at the door and standing up.

"Well, we should go now," I said, standing up.

"You are in an awfully big hurry, Bella," smirked Carlisle, standing up.

"Just really want to see this movie," I muttered, blushing as everyone stood up with us.

"Yeah, ok," he snorted. He turned and looked right at Edward. "No drinking or funny business."

"Daddy," I hissed. "Stop it."

"I'm not doing anything," he insisted. However, I could see the amusement in his eyes as he looked from me to Edward. "Nothing at all."

"Ugh," I groaned, storming out of the house. I heard Emmett and Jasper laughing with my father. They all could be such jerks sometimes. Edward followed me out, shaking his head.

"Want to ride with me?" He asked. I smiled as I looked over at him.

"Sure."

I followed Edward over to his car as Emmett, Rose, Alice, and Jasper came out of the house. Carlisle and Esme followed them out. I glared at my father before climbing into Edward's car, blushing as he opened the door for me. Carlisle's amused expression fell from his face when he realized that I was going to be alone with Edward. _Take that, Daddy._

As Edward climbed in behind the wheel of his car, I noticed that Emmett had handed the keys to the jeep over to Jasper and was climbing into Rose's care while Alice was climbing into the jeep. I looked over at Edward and smiled as he started his car and followed the others through town.

"So tell me, Bella Cullen," smiled Edward. "What's your favorite type of music?"

"Classic rock from the eighties," I said, immediately. He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Yep," I said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Besides the fact that they all totally rock," I said, smiling. "My dad introduced me to them when I was around seven. He had a huge collection of music and I had had a particularly bad day at school."

I paused as I thought back to that day. I was in the second grade and we had been working on our family trees. I remember coming home and going straight to my room, crying for hours because I didn't know mine. Carlisle came home and scoped me up in his arms and held me until I stopped crying.

"Bella, you ok?" asked Edward. I shook my head and looked at him.

"I'm fine," I said, looking away. "Anyway, my dad and I sat on the floor of his bedroom and spent the rest of the day listening to music."

"Are you sure you are ok?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I murmured. I cleared my throat and looked back at him. "What kind of music do you like?"

"Generally, just about anything," he smiled. "But as uncool as this sounds, I love classical."

"Why is that uncool?" I asked. "Classical music is the basis for nearly all other types of music. You could say it's the heart."

"I guess it's just that most kids our age, don't know who Beethoven is or Mozart, Debussy, or-"

"I get it," I laughed. "Do you write classical music then?"

"Mostly," he said, shrugging his shoulders as he parked his car next to the jeep. He cut the engine and looked over at me. "I mostly write what I feel, though."

"I get that," I murmured. "My music is like my best friend, you know."

"I do," he smiled.

Edward climbed out of the car and came running over to my side before I could even get my seatbelt off. He opened the door for me and offered me his hand. I blushed scarlet as I placed my hand in his. He helped me out of the car and shut the door behind me but kept my hand in his as we made our way inside.

Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice were waiting for us inside. All four of them looked down at our joined hands. I expected my brothers to say something snarky about it but they surprised me and didn't utter a word, even if they did raise an eyebrow. Of course, that could have had something to do with the fact that Alice was nearly attached to Jasper's side and Emmett had his arm wrapped so tightly around Rose that it was a wonder that she hadn't kneed him in the groin yet.

Edward insisted on buying my ticket so I in return bought us some popcorn. We followed the others into the theater and settled in a row about halfway up. Emmett went in first followed by Rose, Alice, Jasper, me, and then Edward. I set the bag of popcorn between me and Edward as the movie started. He angled his body toward me and placed his left arm on the back of my seat. I could feel my heart racing as I looked up at him and blushed. He smiled and grabbed some popcorn, tossing it into his mouth. It suddenly got very hot.

As the lights dimmed even more and the screen flickered with coming attractions, I could feel Edward's eyes on me but I couldn't look at him. I was already so close to him. Looking at him might send me into shock or make me do something crazy like straddle his lap and have my wicked way with him. My face blushed at the mere thought of being with Edward, in any way.

"Have I told you that your blush is beautiful?" he whispered, leaning down to my ear so he wouldn't bother the others. I stifled my moan as I turned and looked at him.

"No," I whispered, back. Edward smiled and brought his hand up to my red face.

"It is," he murmured. His tongue snaked out of his mouth, licking his lips as he looked down at mine. "Bella…"

"Shhh," hissed Rose, tossing a handful of milk duds at us. "The movie is starting."

"Sorry, Rose," muttered Edward, leaning back.

I wanted to kill her in that moment. It seemed liked Edward was going to kiss me and she had to ruin it for me. I glared at her but she was turned toward the screen. However, I did notice that she had her hand laying on Emmett's thigh, drawing lazy circles with her fingertips. It was gross. I turned to the screen as the movie started with a young girl talking about dying for those you love, blah, blah, blah.

The movie continued to play but I wasn't paying attention to it. I was too focused on Edward and the fact that his hand had moved from the back of my seat to my shoulder. I was trying to keep myself from hyperventilating or squealing with excitement or throwing up as the butterflies danced around inside of my stomach. Every time I snuck a peek up at him, he was looking at me rather than at the movie.

By the end of the movie, I was barely hanging on. Every time the screen flickered, Edward's face lit up. His green eyes were smoldering and I could feel them penetrating through me. The first of the credits started to rise so I stood up and rushed out of the theater, gasping for air.

"Are you ok?" asked Edward, grabbing my arm as I ran outside. He spun me around.

"Sorry, it was…hot in there," I murmured. Edward's eyes flickered to my lips before meeting my eyes again.

"Bella," he whispered, licking his lips and stepping closer to me.

"What?" I asked, breathlessly.

Edward didn't say anything as he slid his hand down my arm, weaving his fingers in with mine. His other hand had made it's way to my hip. He pulled my body up against his and I moaned. Edward's hand snaked around my back as he leaned toward me, inching closer to my lips. He murmured my name just before his lips came down onto mine.

I couldn't have stopped myself if I tried but my free arm swung around the back if his head, blending my fingers into his hair. Our kiss started off soft and gentle but quickly turned needy and frantic. Edward swiped at my bottom lip with his tongue, begging me silently to let him in. I parted my lips eagerly. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and I moaned again.

"Hey, get the fuck off my sister!" bellowed Emmett, pulled Edward away from me.

"EMMETT!" I screamed, pushing him away.

"Bella, get in the jeep," he hissed.

"No," I yelled, stomping my foot onto the ground.

"Isabella," growled Jasper, yanking on my arm. I turned and glared at him.

"No, Jasper," I snapped, tearing my arm out of his. "Just leave me alone!"

I grabbed Edward's hand and started running down the street with him. My brothers yelled at us to stop but I ignored them. Anger and rage pulsed through my veins. They had single handedly ruined the best moment of my entire life. After a few blocks, Edward pulled me to a stop and wrapped his arms around me.

"I am so sorry, Edward," I whispered, feeling my traitorous tears springing up in my eyes.

"I'm not sorry," he murmured. I looked up at him. "I've wanted to kiss you since Monday."

"What took you so long?" I asked, smiling at him.

"I wasn't sure you wanted me to," he smiled, bringing his hand up to my cheek.

"I did," I whispered, blushing again.

"God, that blush is going to kill me," he groaned. I ducked my head into his chest, smiling. "We should get back before they call you dad and he kills me."

"He won't kill you, Edward," I laughed, pulling him back down the street towards my brothers. "He's all talk."

"Yeah, right," scoffed Edward.

I laughed as Edward and I headed back up the street. Edward kept his hand in mine and I couldn't help but smile. Emmett and Jasper both glared at me but I ignored them as Edward and I headed over to his car. Rose and Alice both pulled on their arms and they turned back to them. Alice and Jasper climbed into the jeep while Emmett and Rose climbed back into Rose's car.

During our trip back to Forks, Edward kept his hand in mine. We talked more about music. I told Edward about playing the guitar and he told me more about his parents, Edward Sr. and Elizabeth. Even though he acted like they were annoying, I could tell that he was close to them. I thought it was sweet. He pulled his car up in front of my house and walked me to the front door. I blushed again as I looked up at him.

"I had a really good time," I said, softly.

"Me too," he smiled. "Maybe we could go out again sometime. You know, just us."

"I'd like that," I said, returning his smile.

Edward leaned down and pressed his lips down into mine. I brought my hands up between us, fisting his t-shirt into my hands. I was fixing to deepen the kiss when the porch light started flickering on and off. Edward chuckled as he pulled back. I groaned.

"Goodnight, Bella Cullen," he said, smiling.

"Goodnight, Edward Masen," I smiled.

I turned and pushed open the door to the house. As I looked back, I saw Edward running to his car. He looked at me before climbed in. I blushed as I walked into the house and shut the door behind me. I leaned against the door and sighed, ignoring the snickers coming from Carlisle and Esme.

"Did you have a good time?" asked Esme, barely containing her laughter.

"Yeah," I sighed, dreamily. "I'm going to bed."

"Ok, night, sweetheart," she laughed. "Sweet dreams."

I smiled bigger as I ran up the stairs to my room. I shut the door behind me and changed into my pajamas. I climbed into my bed and grabbed my iPod. Rolling onto my side, I smiled as I thought about how Edward kissed me, not once but twice. Best day ever.


	6. Chapter 6

**GPOV**

Thank god school was finally over. This had been the longest fucking week of my entire life. It started off bad and just never got better. September thirteenth, the one day of the year that I hate more than any other. Ok, so that's not true but it's one of the hardest, that's for sure. Monday would have been my sister, Isabella Marie Swan's seventeenth birthday.

It's not that I don't think we should remember her but it's just that every year is the same. Charlie and Renee cry and talk about how much they miss her. Angela turns into a little bitch because she thinks they don't want her and I am stuck in the middle, trying to make her feel better while dealing with my parents grief, not to mention my own. Kate was the only person who seemed to give a shit one way or the other about how I felt.

I was only a year older than Isabella when she died so I really don't have any memories of her or what she looked like. I have seen all the pictures of her but they aren't they same. Sometimes, if I close my eyes and try hard enough, I can almost hear her laughing or calling me brother. From what Charlie and Renee tell us, Isabella refused to call me Garrett and insisted that my name was brother. I shook my head as I headed down to the gym with Emmett to get Rose and Kate. We were going to Port Angeles tonight and I was ready for a night way.

"Hey, baby," smiled Kate, coming out of the dressing room with Rose and Bella.

Edward was immediately at Bella's side. She smiled and looked up at him. I hadn't made a good impression on her but the moment I heard that her given name was the same as my sister's, I just…it was hard. I turned back to Kate.

"Hey," I smiled, pressing my lips down onto hers. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," she laughed. "Let's go!"

I slipped my arm around my girl's waist as we followed Emmett, Rose, Edward, and Bella out to the parking lot. Angela was climbing into the front seat of Ben's truck. I guess they weren't coming with us. I had hoped that they would so that Angela would feel wanted but I guess I can't force it onto her. Kate and I climbed into my car and followed everyone as we headed over to meet Mr. and Mrs. Cullen.

Bella had been all embarrassed about us having to meet them before she, Emmett, and Jasper could go with us. We tried to reassure the that it wasn't a big deal, and it wasn't. We've all been there. Parents are just embarrassing in general. I parked my car behind Edward's. The Cullen house was a huge, white two story house. It had to be twice the size of my house.

We followed Emmett, Bella, and Jasper up the front walk and to the porch. Bella pushed open the door after sharing a look with her brothers. We walked in and found her parents waiting for us in the living room. Mr. Cullen was tall and thin, much like Jasper. He had wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes. Mrs. Cullen had darker hair, almost the color of caramels, and light brown eyes. I saw several features in the two of them that matched Emmett and Jasper, but none that matched Bella.

"Come in, everyone," cheered Mrs. Cullen. "How was school?"

"Fine," we all muttered. Was she seriously asking us about school?

"Ok, Mom, Dad, this is Garrett Swan, Rosalie Hale, Alice Brandon, Kate Denali, and Edward Masen," Bella said, quickly. "Ok, we are going now."

"No, wait just a minute," said Mrs. Cullen, calling us all back. I heard Bella groan and bit down on my lip to stop from laughing. "Everyone have a seat please."

"Mom," Bella muttered, glaring at her mom.

"Bella," she said, firmly.

I heard Bella, Emmett, and Jasper all muttered under their breath as they moved over and plopped down in the couches. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen seemed to find it funny as they sat down on one of the smaller couches. I followed Kate over to join them and was about to sit down when something caught my eyes. Something that I hadn't seen anywhere else but in my house.

I moved over and picked up the photo of three kids around the age of three. Two boys and one little girl sitting on a seesaw. I could tell the boys were Emmett and Jasper. The little girl had long dark brown hair and big brown eyes. Dark brown eyes. My father's dark brown eyes. I felt all the blood leave my face as I looked over at Bella with wide eyes. I could see that she still had dark brown eyes and her hair was still dark but…

"Is this you, Bella?" I asked, pointing to the little girl in the picture..

"Yeah," she said. I threw my hand up to my mouth as I shook my head. How could she…No, it couldn't be.

"It's not possible," I muttered, looking back at her.

I had to get out of there. I had to see for myself. Without saying a word, I took off running out of the house with the picture still glued to my hand. I heard Mrs. Cullen yell for me to bring her picture back but I kept going. There was no fucking way it could be her. It was impossible. She was dead. She had died fourteen years ago. There was no way that Bella Cullen could be our Isabella. But her name was Isabella and the fucking picture was just like the one that sat on our shelf in our house. Was I just seeing things? Was it wishful thinking?

"SHIT!" I screamed, beating the top of my car.

"Garrett, stop," growled Kate, chasing after me. She grabbed my arm before I could climb into my car. "What the hell is wrong with you? You just stole from them!"

"Get in the fucking car, Kate," I snapped, pulling my arm out of her hand.

"Gar-"

"NOW!" I yelled.

Kate didn't say anything else as she ran around to the passenger side of the car and climbed in. I felt horrible for yelling at her. She didn't deserve it and I had never spoken to her like that before but I had to know. I climbed into the drivers seat, keeping the picture of Bella in my hand as I started the car and pulled away from the Cullen's house.

I could hear Kate sniffling as she cried in her seat. I reached over for her hand but she pulled her hand away from mine. I deserved that for treating her like that. I sighed as I pulled my car over onto the side of the road and cut the engine. I was the world's biggest asshole for treating her like that.

"I'm sorry, Kate," I said, shaking my head. "I'm such an ass."

"Yes, you are," she whispered, looking up at me. Her eyes were red. "You've never treated me like that, Garrett. What the hell is going on? Why did you run out of there and take that picture?"

"I…" I trailed off as my tears sprang up in my eyes. "I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy…"

"What are you talking about?" asked Kate. I looked over at her.

"Come to my house with me." I was nearly begging her to come with me. "I just need to see something and I need you with me. Please?"

"Ok," sighed Kate, shaking her head. "But if you ever talk to me like that again, we are done. I love you more than anything, but you will not treat me like that."

"I'm so sorry, Baby," I said, grabbing her hand. "I love you, too."

Kate sighed again and motioned for me to go. I let go of her hand, tucking the picture of Bella into my chest and heading off to my house. Maybe I was losing it but I swear Bella looks just like her. Was I simply going crazy?"

I pulled my car up in front of my house. It wasn't nearly as big as the Cullen's house but it was home ever since we moved from Phoenix, Arizona eight years ago. It was hard to leave our home but Charlie was offered a job here as a coach and Renee opened her coffee shop. I think Charlie and Renee were hoping it would give us a chance to start over, new or whatever. Living in Phoenix had been hard on them after Isabella died. On all of us.

Kate and I climbed out of the car and headed up the front walk to the porch. I unlocked the front door and headed straight for the living room. I pulled the picture of Isabella at her third birthday party off the shelf. It had been taken just a couple of months before she died. I held it up to the one I took from the Cullen's house. It was exactly the same.

"This is fucking impossible," I muttered, dropping to my knees.

"Garrett," said Kate, dropping down next to me.

"Look at it, Kate," I cried, shoving both pictures into her hands. "LOOK!"

Kate pulled both photos into her hands and looked down at them. The more she looked at them, the more her mouth dropped and her eyes widened. She looked up at me but didn't say anything. I fell back on my ass and ran my hands through my hair. Bella Cullen was my sister and she wasn't dead.

"I don't understand," said Kate, ending the silence that had crept up on us. "You said she was dead."

"I thought she was," I muttered, shaking my head.

"Ok, well, maybe it's not her," said Kate. I looked up at her doubtfully. "Maybe it just looks like her."

"Exactly like her," I said, harshly as I ripped the photos out of her hands. "I used to spend hours talking to this picture, Kate. Not only that but Bella's full name is Isabella."

"But-"

"I know," I cried, letting them fall to the floor. I threw my hands up to my hair and pulled. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!"

"What the hell is going on here?" asked Charlie. I jumped to my feet, wiping the tears off my face, and looked at my father. He looked concerned as he looked from me to Kate, who had tears on her face. "Are you two fighting? Because I was hoping to watch the game but I can leave if you want me to."

"No, Dad, we're not fighting," I muttered, bending over and picking up the photos.

"What are you doing with Isabella's picture?" he asked, looking down at my hands. I had to tell him. He had to know.

"Dad, just sit down," I said, pulling the pictures up to my chest.

Charlie looked from me to Kate before he sat down on the couch. Kate and I moved over and sat down on the coffee table in front of him. I wasn't sure how to tell him what I thought. How do you tell you someone that the daughter they thought was dead, wasn't really dead? I let a tear down my face and Kate reached over and slipped her arm through mine.

"What's going on, Garrett?" asked Charlie, leaning up towards me. "You're scaring the crap out of me."

"Dad," I started. "I don't know how to tell you this."

"Kate, honey, are you pregnant?" asked Charlie. I snapped my head up.

"NO!" yelled me and Kate. Charlie laughed and put his hands up.

"I was just asking," he chuckled. "But what is going on?"

"Dad," I said, again.

"I'm home!" hollered my mother, Renee. I heard the front door shut just before she came into the living room. She was smiling as she looked at us. "Kate, I haven't seen you around lately. I was starting to think that you and Garrett had broken up."

"No, I've just been really busy," said Kate, standing up and hugging my mother.

"I understand," sighed Renee, shaking her hand. She looked down at the picture of Bella, Emmett, and Jasper. "What's that?"

"Mom," I said but she reached out and pulled it out of my hand.

"I've never seen this picture before," said Renee. Charlie stood up and looked down at it. "Have you, Charlie?"

"No, I don't know those boys," he muttered. "They look familiar, though."

"That's Emmett and Jasper Cullen," I whispered. Charlie and Renee looked up at me. "The little girl….is Bella Cullen."

"No," gasped Renee, dropping the picture. Charlie reached out and grabbed it before it hit the ground. Renee stumbled back a couple steps. "It's impossible. The police said-"

"Look," I argued, shoving our picture of Isabella into Charlie's hand.

Renee and Charlie looked at our picture before looking over at the one from the Cullen's home. There was no denying that they were the same girl. Renee turned and ran up the stairs while Charlie fell back onto the couch. Kate and I sat back down on the table, waiting for him to say something, anything. Renee came back a moment later with our family picture album. She sat down on the couch next to Charlie and flipped the book open until she reached the last picture in the book.

"Oh my god," she cried, throwing her hand up to her mouth. "She's wearing the same shirt as Isabella."

"But…" trailed off Charlie, shaking his head. He set the pictures down and brought his hands up to his mouth, like he was trying not to scream.

"We have to go get her," said Renee, standing up.

"Honey," started Charlie, standing up.

"We have to go get her," cried Renee. "WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE HER IN THAT HOUSE!"

"WE CAN'T!" yelled Charlie, gripping her arms. He took a deep breath as my mother cried. "We can't just go running to that house with just a couple of photographs, Renee. We need real proof."

"You don't know if they are hurting her," sobbed Renee. "They could be torturing her while we are sitting here."

"She's not even there right now," I said. Charlie and Renee looked over at me. "She went to Port Angeles with Edward, Rose, and Alice. Emmett and Jasper were going with them."

"Ok, here's what we are going to do," said Charlie, pulling Renee into her arms. "We're going to call the police. They can help us figure this out."

"Charlie," cried Renee, clutching onto him.

"I know," he whispered, tightening his arms around her as he looked up at me. "Does Angela know?"

"No, she's with Ben," I muttered. Kate slipped her hand into mine while laying her head on my shoulder. I cleared my throat. "I'm going to take Kate home."

"Ok," whispered Charlie.

Kate and I headed back out to my car. I started it and headed to her house. I pulled up in front of her house and cut the engine but neither of us climbed out. Everything had been fine and just like that, it all went to hell. I looked over at Kate, who was watching me a frown on her face.

"Tell me everything is going to be ok," I said.

"Everything is going to be ok," she said, unconvincingly. I looked away as my eyes filled up with tears.

"I don't…" I trailed off.

"Hey, look at me," murmured Kate. I looked over at her as a tear slipped down my face. "Smile."

"Kate," I cried, shaking my head. She reached over and pulled me into her arms, holding me tight.

"It's ok," she whispered.

After a few minutes, I managed to get some control over myself. I walked Kate up to her door and kissed her before she headed inside. I climbed back into my car and drove back home. I parked in front of the house and headed inside. Charlie and Renee were sitting on the couch with the phone pressed up to Charlie's ear while they talked to one of the detectives from the police department.

I headed up the stairs. Angela was sitting on the top step with her knees pulled up. Her eyes were red and puffy. I sat down next to her and wrapped my arm around my little sister. She leaned over and laid her head on my shoulder. For several minutes, we just sat there and listened as Charlie explained about the photos.

"Do you think it's true?" she asked.

"Yes," I muttered.

"Great," grumbled Angela.

"Hey, no matter what, I'm still your big brother, Ang," I said.

"Yeah, but you'll be her big brother, too," said Angela, standing up. "Once again, I'll be thrown to the back. Just like I always am."

Angela walked into her room and shut her door. I sighed as I stood up and heading into my room, shutting my own door. I plopped down on my bed and closed my eyes. Things were going to get very messy.


	7. Chapter 7

**BPOV**

I had a huge smile on my face when I woke up the next morning. For several minutes, I just laid in my bed, thinking back to the way Edward had kissed me. Both times. He was just…perfect. The feeling of his lips on mine was like nothing that I had ever imagined. It was like a dream come true, at least until my meathead brothers ruined it. Still, Edward had kissed me twice. I sighed as my face heated up just from thinking about him and his amazing lips.

"You are a silly girl, Bella Cullen," I muttered to myself and smiled as I thought about how Edward called me Bella Cullen.

I bounced out of my bed, feeling happy and content for the first time since we moved to Forks. Even though it was raining yet again, I didn't really mind so much. I ran downstairs and joined my parents and my brothers in the kitchen, ignoring the latter two and the way that my father was scowling at me. Esme was giggling to herself and trying her hardest to hide it behind her hand, but was failing miserably.

"Morning," I sang, wrapping my arms around my mother and kissing her cheek. "Isn't it a beautiful day?"

"Yes," she said at the same time that Carlisle said, "No."

"Daddy," I sighed, taking my seat next to Esme.

"Don't daddy me, Bella," he grumbled, folding his arms across his chest. "I saw that boy kissing you last night."

"Again?" asked Emmett, slamming his fork down into the table.

"Emmett," warned Esme, glaring at my brother.

"Yes, Emmett," I said, shortly. "Edward kissed me again when he dropped me off. And let me just thank you and idiot over there for ruining my first kiss."

"You shouldn't be kissing him," muttered Jasper, looking right at me. "You've know him like a week. How do you know that he isn't some hands on kind of boy?"

"Jasper Whitlock Cullen," gasped Esme. I narrowed my eyes at my dear, misguided brother.

"So it's okay for you to make out with Alice in the cafeteria at lunch yesterday but not okay for me to kiss Edward?" I asked, harshly. Jasper looked down at his plate quickly.

"That was different," he muttered.

"How?" I asked as Carlisle and Esme looked over at him, eyebrows raised.

"Cause she told me that she wanted us to go out," he mumbled.

"So?" I asked.

"So…fine," he sighed, throwing his hands up. "I just don't like you kissing him."

"You are being absurd, Jasper," scoffed Esme, causing him to look over at her. "You can't have it both ways. It can't be ok for you to kiss Alice and it not be ok for Bella to kiss Edward."

"Mom," whined Jasper, leaning back in his seat. I smirked as I picked up a piece of toast and started nibbling on it. "Fine. I'm sorry, Bella."

"Thank you, Jas," I smiled. I turned and looked at Emmett. He was sitting there with his arms folded across his chest, lips pressed into a tight line. "Emmett."

"Fine," he muttered, looking me in the eye. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you, Em," I smiled. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Harder than you would think," he grumbled, leaning up to the table. "You don't have to be so smug about it."

"Yes, I do," I smirked. "You and Jas are always picking on me. You're just mad because now I am fighting back."

"Yeah, I don't really like it," laughed Jasper.

"Me either," snickered Emmett.

"Well, too damn bad," I snorted.

"Isabella," sighed Esme. "Language."

"Sorry, Mom," I muttered, ducking my head to hide my laughter.

Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle were all laughing under their breath with me. Esme told us all to shut it and finish eating our breakfast. We were still eating when the doorbell rang. Carlisle looked down at his watch before he stood up and headed into the living room. Who the hell comes by at nine o'clock on a Saturday morning?

"Hello, officer," I heard Carlisle say as he opened the front door. "What can I do for you today?"

"Carlisle Cullen?" asked the officer.

"Yes," said my father.

"Your wife is Esme Cullen?" asked the officer.

"Um, yes," said Carlisle, again. "What's this about?"

"Are your wife and children here, sir?" asked the officer. I looked over at Esme. She shrugged her shoulders as she stood up and headed into the other room.

"Yes," said Carlisle. "Now, tell me what is this about,"

"Sir, I need you, Esme Cullen, and your children to go down to the station with me," said the officer.

Emmett, Jasper, and I all looked at each other before we headed into the living room. Standing in the door, were two officers. The first was a tall, thin man with dirty blond hair and dark grey eyes. His eyes flickered over all of us, resting on me. He turned and nodded at his partner, a dark haired man with equally dark eyes. There was something about the way they were looking at me that made me feel uncomfortable.

"Why?" asked Carlisle, folding his arms in front of his chest.

"Sir, we would like to discus this down at the station," said the second man. His voice was thickly accented. He almost sounded French. "In private."

Carlisle sighed as he looked back at the rest of us. Esme had moved back and was standing in front of us, like she was trying to protect us. Carlisle shook his head as he looked back at the officers and said, "Fine, we'll follow you there."

"Sir, I have two cars here to take you and your children down to the station," said the first man.

"We can drive ourselves," insisted Carlisle.

"I'm sorry, sir. I'll have to insist that you ride with us," he said.

Since we apparently didn't have a choice, Carlisle reluctantly agreed. The two officers stood by the front door while we ran upstairs to change from our pajamas and into some normal clothes. Neither Carlisle nor Esme seemed to have any idea why there were two police officers standing in our living room.

I changed into a pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt. For some reason, I felt the need to pull on the button down shirt that Edward had given me just a few days before. I followed the rest of my family downstairs. The officers led us out of the house to the two black and white police cars that sat our front. Of course, our neighbors were standing out on their front lawns, gawking at us.

The ride to the police station was awkward. Carlisle and Esme had been forced to ride in the other car while Emmett, Jasper, and I rode together. Nobody would tell us why we were being taken down to the station, just that they needed to speak to us.

The cars pulled up in front. I looked back as Carlisle and Esme were dragged out of their car and taken inside the station, quite forcefully in fact. The officer driving our car climbed out and opened the back door but Emmett didn't move. I knew he and Jasper were just as scared as I was.

"Come on, son. It's ok," said the officer, pulling Emmett out of the car.

"I'm not your fucking son," growled my brother, yanking his arm out of the officer's grip.

I climbed out of the car followed by Jasper. Neither of the uniformed officers said anything else as they grabbed our arms and dragged us into the station. Charlie, Renee, Garrett, and Angela were sitting on folding chairs when they dragged us inside. They looked right at me and started crying, which was weird. Why the hell were they here?

"Oh my god, are you ok, Isabella?" asked Renee, reaching out for me. I instinctively stepped backwards causing her cry harder.

"What the hell is going on here?" I snapped, looking around at everyone.

"Take the boys to room four," said one of the officers from the house, walking out from the back. "Take Isabella to room two. We'll be there shortly."

"I want to stay with my brothers," I cried, fighting against the man holding onto my arm. Emmett pushed the officer off of him and tried to pull me away but two police men grabbed his arms and dragged him to the back while another one pulled Jasper after them. "BRING THEM BACK!"

"Isabella, calm down," said the officer from the house. I snapped my head over to him.

"FUCK OFF!" I screamed.

The uniformed cop holding my arm, pulled me back to a small interrogation room and shut the door behind me, ignoring my plea for answers. I turned and looked around the room as I let my tears fall freely down my face. There was something completely fucked up going on here. I moved over into one of the corners and slid down to the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried.

I sat in the corner of that room for what felt like hours, crying until my eyes hurt and still no one came in to talk to me. I wanted to go home where I had started the day off so happy. I wanted my brothers, who protected me too much. I wanted my mom and dad. The door to the room finally opened but my heart sank when the two officers from the house came in, shutting the door behind them. The blond officer cocked an eyebrow when he saw me sitting on the floor while the other one, pulled out a chair.

"Come sit, Isabella," he said, motioning to the brown, metal chair with Forks Police Department stamped on the back.

"Go to hell," I growled. That seemed funny to the two men, who just sat down on the other side of the table.

"Hell would be way too hot for me," smiled the dark haired cop. I just stared at him, not finding a damn thing funny. "Please, come sit down."

"Where's my mom and dad?" I asked.

"You mean, Carlisle and Esme Cullen?" asked the blond cop.

"Yes," I snapped. "Where are they?"

"They are fine, Isabella," he said. "We need you to come sit down so we can figure out what is going on here."

"Fine," I muttered, standing up. I went over and sat down in the chair, wrapping my arms around my body.

"My name is James," said the blond cop. He motioned to his partner. "This is my partner, Laurent."

"How nice," I said, snidely.

"Isabella-"

"My name is Bella," I said, interrupting James. He nodded his head.

"Ok, Bella," he said, giving me a soft smile. "We understand that you were adopted by Carlisle and Esme Cullen."

"Yes," I said.

"How old were you?" asked Laurent.

"I was around five but I had been living with them since I was around the age of three," I explained.

"Do you remember anything about your birthparents?" asked James.

"No," I muttered, looking down at the floor. "I'm sure you've already discussed this with my mom and dad, but I know you are going to ask me anyway so here goes. I was found outside a hospital in Los Angeles and placed with them while they tried to find my birth parents. After two years of searching, a judge declared that I had been abandoned by my birth parents and I was officially adopted by Carlisle and Esme."

"What's it like living with them?" asked James. "What kind of parents are they?"

"They're great parents," I said, looking between them. "You don't…you don't think they've been abusing us, do you?"

"No, we just have to ask," insisted Laurent. "Have they ever hit you? Touched you inappropriately?"

"NO!" I yelled, pushing away from the table and standing up. "Those are my parents. That's disgusting."

"Ok, calm down," said James, putting his hands up. "We had to ask."

"What the hell is going on here?" I snapped as the door to the room opened. I looked over as Tanya came into the room. I threw myself into her open arms, ducking my head into her neck and letting my tears fall freely. "T, they won't let me see my mom and dad."

"I know, sweetie," she whispered, rubbing my back. "I need you to calm down."

"What is going on?" I cried.

"Give me a few minutes with her," said Tanya, speaking to the men behind me.

"Ok," they muttered. Tanya moved us over to the two chairs they left for us. Once they were gone, Tanya took my hands into hers. "Honey, they may have found your birth parents."

"What?" I gasped, shaking me head. "No, it's been fourteen years, T. They couldn't have found them now."

"I know, honey, but…" she trailed off. "I'm still not sure on all the details myself but from what I understand they thought you were dead."

"Who did?" I asked. "I don't understand."

"Charlie and Renee Swan," said Tanya. My mouth feel open. "You know them don't you? Their kids, Garrett and Angela?"

"Yes but they…they can't be my birth parents, T," I argued. "They can't be."

"Sweetie, they have pictures," whispered Tanya, stroking my cheek in her hand. "Pictures that matched the ones we have right after we found you."

"NO!" I screamed, standing up. "They left me! They didn't want me and left me outside of a fucking hospital, T."

"Bella, calm down," ordered Tanya. I dropped to my knees in the middle of the room as my body shook with uncontrollable sobs. She knelt down next to me. "Oh, sweetie."

"They left me," I sobbed. "I have my family. I don't need them."

"I know, honey," she whispered, holding me to her chest. "We'll figure this out."

"I want to go home," I cried, wrapping my arms around her. "Can I go home now?"

"Sure, but first we have to do a DNA test," said Tanya. I pulled back from her.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because we have to know for sure, one way or the other," she said, sadly.

"I don't want to know," I muttered, darkly.

"I know but we have to," she frowned. "Come on, let's get this done."

I didn't argue with her as she stood up and pulled me up to my feet. Tanya kept her arm wrapped around my shoulder as we made our way down the cold, dank hallway and out to the main room. My parents and brothers were standing to one side of the room, holding onto each other while the Swan's were on the other side.

I pulled away from Tanya and ran over to my parents, throwing myself in Carlisle and Esme's open arms. They wrapped their arms around me and held me as we cried together. I didn't care what they said, this was my family.

"Isabella-"

"Don't fucking talk to her," snapped Esme, harshly. It was the first time I had ever heard my mother curse. "You've put her through enough shit."

"Look," started Charlie. "You can't-"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed, looking back at them. "I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER!"

"Ok, let's just get this done so we get her home," said Tanya, placing her hand on my back and looking over at James. "Now, please. She's been through enough for one day."

James nodded his head and came over and swabbed the inside of my check with a long cotton swab, collecting the DNA that could change my life. He went over and took a sample from Charlie and Renee before sealing all three samples into plastic bags and looked at Tanya.

"We should know something in a few days," he said, quietly.

"Fine," said Tanya. She turned back to us. "Let's go."

Esme and Carlisle kept their arms wrapped around me as we turned toward the door. We had barely taken a few steps when Renee called out to me, "Isabella!"

"Leave my daughter alone," growled Carlisle, glaring at them. "Stay the hell away from all of us."

Without saying another word, my parents pulled me out of the police station. We climbed into the cruiser that would take us back to our house. They tried to get us to take two cars but Esme kindly told them to fuck off. Emmett climbed into the front seat while Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper climbed into the backseat. I climbed onto my father's lap and buried my head in his chest as I cried once again.

A few minutes later, they dropped us back off at home. We climbed out of the car and made our way up the front walk and to the front door. Walking into the house, I couldn't help but think about how just this morning, I had been so happy. I had just had the best night of my life last night and now, my world was crumbling around me.

"I'll be in my room," I muttered, softly.

"Ok, sweetheart," whispered Esme.

I slowly walked across the living room and went upstairs to my room. I closed the door behind me and curled up on my bed, sobbing uncontrollably as I wrapped my arms around myself. The door to my room opened and closed but I didn't look up. The bed shifted and I still didn't look up. I knew it was Emmett and Jasper.

"It's ok, Bella," whispered Emmett, wrapping his arms around me as he laid down on the bed behind me.

"We've got you," murmured Jasper, thickly as he took his place in front of me. "We'll take care of you."

"Promise?" I sobbed, clutching onto their arms.

"We promise," cried Jasper, kissing the top of my head.

"It's our job as your big brothers," whispered Emmett.

Emmett, Jasper, and I laid on my bed, crying together for hours. Like they have since I came to live with them, they took care of me. I just hoped they always would.


	8. Chapter 8

By the time Sunday morning rolled around, I was exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. My brothers had stayed by my side all day and all night, holding me, crying with me, telling me stories from our childhood. It was like they were trying to remind me that they were my family, regardless of whose blood was running through my veins.

I wanted to tell them that it didn't matter, because it didn't, but I couldn't find the strength to put the words together. So instead I let them tell me about the time that Emmett cut my hair so I would look more like a boy. He said that way he, Jasper, and I could be triplets because in his mind I could only be their triplet if I was a boy. I was around five and it made sense to me. Or the time that Jasper convinced me to climb onto the roof of our garage at our in LA. I was fixing to jump onto the pile of mattresses and blankets we had piled at least two feet high when Carlisle and Esme came running out of the house and stopped me. Jasper ended up getting into major trouble and all three of us were lectured about doing stupid stunts. Only your real brothers can get you into that kind of trouble.

I climbed off my bed, leaving Emmett and Jasper there as they slept. They had been up with me nearly all night but they finally passed out about an hour ago and I didn't want to bother them. I pulled Edward's shirt tighter around my body as I headed downstairs. Carlisle and Esme were asleep on the couch. Every photo album we had was open and pictures had been scattered all over the coffee table. The floor was covered in used tissues that I'm sure they both used to wipe their tears and blow their noses.

They had come in and checked on the three of us so many times after we got home. It was almost like they needed to make sure that I was still there, that I hadn't run off to be with my so called birth parents. Like I would chose to be with the very people that threw me away. I tightened my arms around my body as I walked through the kitchen and out the backdoor to the covered porch.

Like it had been since we moved to this little town, it was raining again. I stumbled down the back steps and out into the rain, letting the drops mix with the tears that were pouring down my face. Why now? Why did they suddenly give a shit about me now? It's been fourteen years and they just now thought to claim me as their daughter. Not only that but they hauled us in there like we were common criminals.

"IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR!" I screamed, dropping to my knees. Mud splattered up, covering Edward's shirt. I fell forward, curling my body up and let the rain fall on me. "It's not fair," I sobbed.

"Bella!" yelled Carlisle, running out the back door of the house. He dropped to his knees next to me, pulling me into his lap. "Honey, I've got you."

"Daddy," I cried, holding onto him as tightly as I could. "Please let don't let me go. Please, Daddy."

"Never, honey," he whispered, letting his own tear fall.

Neither of us seemed to care that the rain was pouring down on us as we sat there in the yard, crying together. Holding each other together as much as we could. I could barely hear my mother crying in the background or my brothers trying to comfort her. My father, my daddy, held me in his arms until I cried myself to sleep, still letting the rain fall on us.

When I woke up, I found myself laying in my parents' bed. They had placed at least three blankets over me. I was still wearing my clothes from the day before and they were still damp. I threw the blankets off of me and climbed out of the bed. I walked into their bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked horrible. My face was red and blotchy from crying so much. My eyes were bloodshot and my hair looked like a bird had made a nest in it. I turned from the mirror and shuffled out of the room. I wrapped my arms around my body as I headed downstairs. Carlisle and Esme were sitting on the small couch, newspaper spread out before them but I could tell that neither of them were reading it. Emmett and Jasper were sprawled out on the larger couch pretending to watch some football game but neither of them looking at the screen. I could hear Tanya on the phone in the kitchen, muttering about restraining orders.

I sat down on the bottom step of the stairs and pulled my knees up to my chest. All the photos that Carlisle and Esme had been diving into were now put away. The five of us just sat there in silence, listening to the woman who brought us together talking in the kitchen. I don't think any of us knew what to say or do right now. They were as lost as I was. The doorbell rang, startling all of us.

Carlisle looked around at all of us before he stood up and went over to the door. You could feel the tension in the room. Was it the cops again? Where they going to take me away for good? Tears sprang up in my eyes as my father reached out and pulled the door open. Relief flooded through me when I saw Edward standing there.

"Hello, Edward," said Carlisle, clearing his throat.

"Hello, Mr. Cullen," smiled Edward. "Is Bella here?"

"Yes, but, um, now is not really a good time," said Carlisle, looking back at me. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok, Daddy," I muttered, standing up.

"Bella," whispered Carlisle, looking back at me. I could see the tears swimming in his eyes.

"We'll just be on the porch," I mumbled, blinking back my own tears.

"It's ok, Carlisle," said Esme, moving over to my father. She placed her hand on his back. "Let her talk to him."

"Ok, but you stay on the porch," whimpered Carlisle.

"I promise," I cried.

I took a deep breath as I walked past my parents and pulled the door shut behind me. Edward looked confused as he followed me over to the two white wicker chairs that sat on the large, wrap around porch. I settled on one of the chairs, pulling my knees up, and wrapping Edward's shirt tighter around me. Edward sat down next to me but didn't say anything for several minutes. I watched the rain.

"Bella, what's going on?" asked Edward, breaking the silence. I looked over at him. "Why are you covered in mud?"

"Um," I said, looking out at the rain. "Cause it's raining again. It never stops."

"You're covered in mud because it never stops raining?" he asked. I could tell he was confused. Fuck, so was I.

"I'm sorry for ruining your shirt," I cried, shaking my head. "I'll buy you a new one."

"I don't give a shit about the shirt," he muttered. I looked over at him. "What is wrong?"

"I was adopted when I was around five," I said, letting my tears fall down my face.

"I didn't know that," he murmured.

"I don't really talk about it much," I said, looking back at the rain. "I was placed with Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Jasper when I was around three years old. They're the only family I know."

"Why do you always say around whatever age you were?" asked Edward.

"Because I don't know when my birthday is," I whispered, looking over at him. "I was found outside of a hospital in LA when I was around three. I knew my name was Isabella but I didn't know my last name, where I lived, what my…birth parents names were. Nothing. For fourteen years, I've lived like that."

"Shit," muttered Edward, looking out at the rain. "That must suck."

"Yeah," I sighed, looking away from him. "But it was ok because I have my family. My mom and dad are the best and my brothers….well, they annoy the shit out of me but…they take care of me," I cried, pulling his shirt around me even tighter. Edward stood up and pulled off his jacket.

"Here," he offered, holding I out to me. "I don't want you to freeze."

"Thanks," I whispered, laying over my body. Edward sat back down in his chair but reached over and slipped his hand in with mine.

"Is that ok?" he asked, nodding to our joined hands. I simply nodded my head. "So why are you so upset?"

"I'm sure…Garrett," I growled, "has already told you."

"Told me what?" asked Edward. I looked over at him. "I haven't talked to Garrett since he ran out of here on Friday."

"Don't lie to me, Edward," I muttered, pulling my hand away from his. Edward pulled my hand back.

"I'm not," he insisted. "I was in Seattle with my parents all day yesterday."

"If you are lying to me," I whispered, shaking my head.

"I promise. I am not lying," said Edward. "Did he hurt you? Say something that upset you? Cause I'll go kick his ass if he did."

"He and his fucking family are trying to ruin my life," I muttered, darkly.

"Ok, I'm officially confused," sighed Edward, looking out at the rain.

"His parents are claiming that I am their daughter," I whispered. Edward snapped his head back over at me.

"What?" he snapped.

"Apparently, they think I am their long lost dead daughter, Isabella," I sneered, looking out at the rain. "They had the cops come here yesterday and haul all of us off like we were a bunch common criminals who had just robbed the Pay and Go. I'm sure by now the whole goddamn town knows about it."

"Fuck, Bella," whispered Edward. I looked over at him. He was shaking his head. Pity filled his eyes.

"Don't feel sorry for me, Edward," I said, harshly. He looked over at me. "I've had a good life. My family loves me and I love them. They never threw me away like I was a piece of fucking trash."

"I don't feel sorry for you," he said, quietly. "But you don't know the whole story."

"I don't need to know it," I muttered. "They left me, Edward. My Aunt Tanya looked from them for two years before I was officially adopted. My family is all I've ever known and now they come back and think they have some kind of right to me."

"I'm not sure what to say," whispered Edward. I shook my head as I looked over at him.

Edward was staring out at the rain, watching it fall to the ground. I should have realized that things with him would be weird now. He and Garrett had been friends for years. There was no way that he would chose me over his friend. It wasn't fair for me to ask him to make that choice anyway, even if it did hurt.

"You know, I'll understand," I said. Edward cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Understand what?" he asked, clearly confused.

"If you don't be my…friend or whatever anymore," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "I would never make you choose between me and him. He's been your friend longer than I have."

"Wow," muttered Edward, shaking his head. "Thanks for asking me what I want."

"Excuse me?" I asked. Edward chuckled, darkly before looking up at me.

"You have no idea how much I care for you, Bella," said Edward. "I've never met a girl that I feel so…comfortable around. You are ready to just dump me."

"Edward," I whispered, laying my head on my knees. "You just met me. You've known him for years."

"Yeah, I know," sighed Edward, nodding his head. "But right now, I don't have to have to choose. Right now, I can just be here with you."

"I'm so scared, Edward," I cried.

Edward pulled his hand out of mine just long enough to lift me into his lap. I buried my face in his neck and just let my tears fall for the millionth time in the last twenty four hours. Edward wrapped his arms around me, keeping me close to him. Maybe it was selfish of me to need him right now but I did. I needed him like I needed air to breathe.

"I have to go," sighed Edward, an hour later. We hadn't spoken since he pulled me into his lap. "My parents are forcing family dinner night on me."

"Sounds fun," I said, sadly. I sat up and moved off his lap and offered him his jacket back. "Here."

"Keep it," he smiled.

"You can't keep giving me your clothes, Edward," I said, smiling softly. "You'll run out."

"I'll buy more," he smirked before turning serious. "Are you going to be at school tomorrow?"

"I don't know," I said, pulling his jacket back up to my chest and shook my head.

"Can I call you tomorrow if you don't come?" he asked.

"Sure," I said, blushing. "I'd like that."

"Me too," he whispered.

I programmed my number into his cell phone. Edward leaned down and kissed me on the cheek before he ran through the rain down to his car. He waved at me before he pulled away from the house. I pulled Edward's jacket up to my nose, inhaling deeply. Smelled just like him. I put the jacket on before I headed back into the house. Carlisle, Esme, Tanya, Emmett, and Jasper were all sitting around the living room.

"Did Edward leave?" asked Esme.

"Yeah, he had family dinner night or something," I muttered, moving over an sitting down on the couch between her and Carlisle. They automatically put their arms around me. "So what happens now?"

"Well, I'm starving," said Carlisle, sighing deeply. "I'm thinking we need to get some dinner."

"That's not what I meant and you know it," I grumbled.

"I know," he sighed, leaning his head down onto of mine. "Your hair stinks."

"Daddy," I groaned.

"Sorry," he muttered. "They can't take you from us because we legally adopted you after exhausting all avenues in trying to find them."

"That's good, right?" I asked. "I mean, they can't make me like move in with them or anything, right?"

"No, they would have to be able to prove that your mom and dad are abusing or neglecting you," explained Tanya. "Since they aren't, they can't force you to do anything. Anyway, you are seventeen and the judge would mostly give you a choice in the matter anyway."

"But," I said, prompting her.

"But if they are your birth parents, the judge might give them visitation rights," said Tanya.

"Even if I don't want anything to do with them?" I asked, desperately.

"I'm afraid so," frowned Tanya. I shook my head and looked away.

"It's not fair," I muttered.

"No kidding," muttered Emmett, standing up. I looked over at him as he stormed up the stairs. A moment later, I heard his bedroom door slam shut. Jasper stood up and headed over to the stairs. He stopped and looked back at us.

"They have no right to come in here now and try to take my sister," he said, harshly. "No right at all."

Jasper turned and headed up the stairs. A moment later, we heard his bedroom door slam shut. These people have no idea just what they've done to us, coming back now. I closed my eyes as I tried to keep the tears from falling again. I was turning into little miss cry all the time and I hated it. I opened my eyes and looked over at Tanya.

"How's Seth?" I asked. She gave me a sad smile.

"He's fine," she said. "He wanted to come but he had a case come up in the city."

"A bad one?" I asked.

"Yeah, pretty bad," sighed Tanya. "Anyway, if he can get things settled with her, then he will fly up."

I nodded my head as I stood up. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"Ok, sweetheart," said Esme, squeezing my hand.

I squeezed her hand back before I left go and practically ran up the stairs. I ran into my bathroom and turned on the hot water. Stripping off my clothes, I climbed into the shower and let the hot water wash over me but it didn't really warm me. I washed my hair, taking the time to put extra conditioner in, and washed my body.

Once I was done, I turned off the water, dried off, and headed back into my room. I pulled on a pair of sweat pants, one of Carlisle's t-shirts, and a pair of socks. I could hear Emmett and Jasper talking in Jasper's room so I walked out of my room and knocked on his door.

"Come in, Bella," he called. I pushed his door open and stepped in.

"How'd you know it was me?" I asked, shutting the door. He and Emmett were sitting on the bed but at opposite sides.

"Please," scoffed Jasper. "I would know your dainty little knock anywhere."

"Oh," I muttered, moving over and climbing onto his bed and laying in between them. "Have you talked to Alice yet?"

"She called but I let it go to my voicemail," shrugged Jasper.

"Why?" I asked, reaching over and running my fingers through Emmett's hair.

"I'm not sure what to say to her," answered Jasper, honestly. "She already knows, of course."

"Of course," I muttered.

"Rose has called, too," added Emmett. "She was all 'what's this I hear about Bella being Garrett's sister. Someone has some explaining to do.' What do I tell her?"

"Tell her to ask them they threw me away," I grumbled, twisting my fingers in Emmett's brown curls.

"I'm sure they have some fucking excuse," muttered Emmett.

"Just more bullshit," grumbled Jasper.

"No, shit," I whispered, looking out Jasper's bedroom window. "And look, it's still raining."


	9. Chapter 9

Monday passed in a flash and before I knew it, Tuesday morning was here. Carlisle and Esme had let me, Emmett, and Jasper stay home from school on Monday, which I was extremely happy about. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to go to school and face any of them. Edward called me after school and told me that the entire school was talking about the newest scandal to hit the place. It made me sick to think that they were getting enjoyment out of all of this. He told me that neither Garrett nor Angela had been at school either. Nether had Charlie, for that matter.

So instead of going to school, we kept ourselves busy with anything else and desperately trying not to spend yet another day in tears. Esme kept herself busy all day cooking. We would be eating everything from cookies to pies to homemade bread for the next month at this rate. Carlisle went to work but came home after a few hours. He told us the board of directors had advised him to take a few days off and sort out this mess, as he put it. Apparently, the good people of Forks were convinced that my parents were kidnappers and were abusing us. Just fucking great.

Tanya was on the phone all day trying to get my adoption records sent up here to dispel any idea that my parents had done anything wrong. Emmett and Jasper spent most of their day in my room with me. Emmett watched television while Jasper read some history book. Or at least they did until Rose and Alice called them late in the afternoon. I was glad that they were trying to be there for my brothers. I spent all day trying to lose myself in my music and forget that the Swan's ever existed.

Tuesday morning, I climbed out of my bed, showered, and got dressed. I felt like I was just going through the motions. Almost like I was on the outside looking in, waiting for my life to make sense again. I didn't think it was ever going to, not now anyway. I had been having nightmares about them taking me away from my family and even though I tried keep myself from crying, I knew everyone had heard me. We were heading back down to the station to get the results of the DNA test that would prove one way or another whether or not Charlie and Renee Swan were my birth parents or if they had ruined my life over nothing.

Once I had put my black boots on, I ran my brush through my hair and headed downstairs to the kitchen. Esme and Carlisle were sitting at the table with Tanya and her husband, Seth. He was a tall, russet skinned man with shinny black hair and black eyes. They were both social workers and had been married for sixteen years. Tanya was unable to have children of her own so they called all their foster kids their own, including me. All four of them looked up as I came into the kitchen. Seth stood up and opened his arms up to me.

"Hey, sweetie," he murmured as I hugged him. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm ok, I guess," I muttered, pulling away from him. I settled in the seat next to my mother while he sat back down to Tanya. "Did you get your case sorted out?"

"Yeah," he sighed, shaking his head. "I got her in a good home, for now at least."

"What would you like for breakfast, Bella?" asked Esme, running her fingers through my dark hair. "I'll make you anything you want."

"I'm not really very hungry," I said, softly as I leaned into her hand.

"You need to eat something, sweetheart," she said, frowning. "Some toast at least."

"Ok, Mom," I sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to drop it.

Esme stood up and went over to make me some toast. I would eat it even though I wasn't very hungry. She needed to do this for me and I would let her. It was the only way she felt like she was helping me and I understood that. A couple of minutes later, Esme set two pieces of wheat toast in front of me. She had even put my favorite jelly on it, strawberry.

I nibbled on my toast while they talked amongst themselves. Emmett and Jasper came down a couple of minutes later and joined us around the table. Esme jumped to her feet and made them some toast and eggs. They took it without complaint but didn't really eat much of it either. It was one of the quietest breakfasts we had ever had. Once everyone had eaten, Tanya sighed and stood up.

"Well, we should get going," she said, looking around at all of us.

"You promise that they can't take me away from here, right?" I asked, looking up at my aunt.

"I promise," said Tanya. "It's going to be ok, Bella. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but it will."

I nodded my head and stood up. "I hope so, T."

I followed my parents, brothers, aunt, and uncle out to the garage. Tanya and Seth climbed into Tanya's rental car while Emmett, Jasper, and I climbed into the back seat of Esme's SUV. Carlisle slid in behind the wheel while Esme climbed into the passenger seat. My father pulled the car out of the garage and headed down to the police station.

The drive was made in complete silence. I leaned my head on Emmett's massive shoulder and looped my arm in through Jasper's arm. Carlisle parked next to Tanya and cut the engine but he didn't climb out of the car. Neither did Esme, for that matter, or Emmett and Jasper. I could tell that none of us wanted to go in there and hear the news they would be dropping on us.

"Remember when we went to Disneyland," I said, quietly. Carlisle and Esme smiled as they looked back at me. "I was scared to go on Splash Mountain but…"

"Em and I promised to let you sit in the middle," said Jasper. "You held onto us so tight that I was sure that you would tear my arm off."

"It was really scary," I muttered, shaking my head.

"But we kept you safe," said Emmett.

"We should go back there," I murmured, looking out the window of the car. "It was fun."

"We will," promised Carlisle. I looked over at him. "I promise."

We sat there for a couple more minutes before we climbed out of the car. We walked into the police station and found Tanya and Seth waiting with those two assholes, James and Laurent. I think I hated them almost as much as I was hating the Swan's at this point. They led us through the back to a large conference room.

The Swan's were already there. Charlie was sitting next to Renee, who had tears already pouring down her face. Garrett and Angela were sitting on the other side of Renee. Garrett looked at me and smiled sadly while Angela glared at me. I turned my eyes from all of them as I sat in between my parents. Carlisle placed his arm on the back of my chair, which seemed to irritate Charlie.

Tanya and Seth sat down on the other side of Esme. Emmett and Jasper took the two seats next to Carlisle and directly across from Garrett and Angela, who were trying not to look at my brothers. James shut the door behind him and Laurent and the two of them came over and sat down at the end of the tables.

"Thank you all for coming," said James.

"Did we have a choice?" I muttered, under my breath.

"I have the results for the DNA test," continued James, ignoring my smartass comment. "I know this has been difficult for everyone and I am sorry for how we went about this but we had to find out the truth."

"Can we just cut through the bullshit and find out the results?" asked Carlisle. "I'd like to take my children, all three of them, home."

"Ok," said James, pulling out two sheets of papers from his folder. He slid one to Carlisle and one to Charlie. "Isabella is Charlie and Renee Swan's biological daughter."

I could feel the tears building up in my eyes and spilling down my cheeks. This couldn't be right. They couldn't be the parents who had given me up like I was nothing. I hadn't realized I was sobbing so loudly until Carlisle wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his chest.

"Daddy," I cried, fisting his dress shirt in my hand.

"I know, honey," he whispered, soothingly. "It's going to be ok."

"NO, IT'S NOT!" I screamed into his chest. "I don't want them, Daddy. They threw me away and I don't want them."

"We didn't throw you away," said Charlie. I pulled back from my father and looked over at him. He looked hurt by the truth.

"Bull shit," I muttered. "They looked for you for two years, Coach Swan."

Charlie flinched back at the pure venom that was laced in my words. "We thought you were dead."

"What a load of crap," I muttered, laying my head back on my father's chest. "You left me in front of that fucking hospital like I was nothing more than a piece of trash."

"No, we didn't," insisted Renee. "You were taken from us, Isabella."

"Look, I think you need to explain to us how Bella ended up outside of a hospital in LA," said Tanya.

"I don't want to hear it," I muttered. Tanya sighed and looked over at me.

"You may not want to but you need to," she said, softly. "There are questions that need answers, sweetheart."

"Whatever," I muttered. Esme reached over and took my hand in hers as Renee started speaking.

"I was driving through downtown Phoenix-"

"Phoenix?" asked Emmett. "Like in Arizona?"

"Yes," said Renee. "I had left Garrett and Angela at home with Charlie so that I could spend the day with Isabella. She had been having a hard time adjusting to her sister's birth. We were heading back home from an afternoon at the park. Isabella had fallen asleep in the backseat. I stopped at a red light when a young man pulled a knife and carjacked me," explained Renee, letting her tears fall. She closed her eyes as she shuddered. "He, um, stabbed me and took off with the car. Isabella was in the backseat, still sleeping."

"Renee passed out before she got to the hospital," said Charlie, slipping his arm around his wife. "The, um, police put out an all points bulletin for the car and said that they alerted everyone to the fact that Isabella was in the backseat. A couple of days later, they found the car outside of Las Vegas. It had been set on fire and…Well, they told us that she was most likely killed by whoever took her and dumped or buried somewhere."

"So I am guessing we can assume that whoever took the car, dropped Bella off in LA," sighed Tanya. "Ok, but here's what I don't get. I spent two years scouring the country looking for you. Two years, Mr. and Mrs. Swan. During those two years, not once did either of you step up and claim her," said Tanya, harshly. "Can you explain that?"

"Until Garrett brought us the picture of Isabella-"

"My name is Bella," I muttered, glaring at Charlie. "Not Isabella."

"Until Garrett brought us the picture of Bella," sighed Charlie, "we believed that she was dead. We didn't know she was out there or we would have been there the minute you called. We did not abandon her," he whispered, letting his tears fall.

"So you say," I whispered, sitting up and looking over at my father. "I want to go home."

"Ok," said Carlisle, frowning before he stood up. "Let's go."

"Wait!" cried Renee, standing up as Esme, Emmett, Jasper and I all stood up. "You can't just leave."

"I'm taking my daughter home, Mrs. Swan," said Carlisle. "She's had a couple of really bad days and she needs to go home where she can have some peace and quiet."

"She's not your daughter," said Renee, shaking her head as she looked over at me. "She's mine and Charlie's daughter."

"Yeah?" I asked, rudely. "Where were you for fourteen years? Oh yeah, not taking care of me."

I turned and walked past everyone as I headed out of the room. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Jasper followed me out of the room, letting the door shut behind Jasper. I could hear Renee crying and trying to get the detectives to stop us but they didn't. We walked past the handful of police officers that were staring at us and outside. I took a deep, shaky breath as I climbed into the back seat of Esme's car. Carlisle started it up and we headed back to the house.

RENEE'S POV

I fell back into my seat as I watched my daughter, my Isabella, walk out of the room. All I wanted was to hold her in my arms but I couldn't. She hated me and I knew it was all my fault. Just like it was my fault that she had been stolen from us in the first place. I should have fought harder when that punk shoved his knife into my face and dragged me out of the car. I tried to tell him that she was in the car but he stabbed me in the gut and took off.

I shuddered as I thought back to that day. Charlie sat down and wrapped his arms around my shoulder, pulling me into his chest.

"Mr. and Mrs. Swan-"

"Please just call us Charlie and Renee," said my husband, interrupting Tanya.

"Ok, Charlie and Renee," said Tanya, sighing. "You have to give her some time. When I first found Bella, all she did was cry and ask when you were coming to get her. For the first year, she would ask me if I had found you yet and I had to tell her that I was still looking. It was very hard for her to let you go and let Carlisle and Esme adopt her. They are great parents and have raised her to be a strong young woman but if you keep pushing her like this, you will lose her for good."

"So what should we do?" I asked, looking over at her. "We've lost fourteen years with her. Fourteen birthdays, Christmases, family vacations. We missed so much and we just want a chance to get to know her."

"You think having her dragged down her on Saturday morning like she was common criminal was the way to get to know her?" asked the man sitting next to Tanya.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" asked Charlie.

"I'm Seth, Bella's uncle," he said, proudly. "You guys traumatized an entire family because of instead of taking the time to do a little research and find out that she had been adopted, you made her watch as her parents were treated like criminals," said Seth, before turning to James and Laurent. "Not to mention the fact that you interrogated a minor without her parent or guardian present." Seth looked back over at me and Charlie. "Now, tell me why she should give you the time of day?"

"Because I am her mother," I muttered.

"No, you are the woman who gave birth to her," corrected Tanya, standing up. "Esme is her mother. Esme was the one who held her every night for months while she cried herself to sleep, who taught her how to read and write. She is Bella's mother." Tanya looked over at Garrett and Angela before looking back at me and Charlie. "Give her some time to process all of this. She's been through enough and she's earned the right to decide when or if she wants a relationship with any of you."

Tanya and Seth left us alone with James and Laurent, who followed them out quickly. I looked over at Charlie and frowned. Would we ever get the chance to get to know the daughter we had lost? Had we blown our last chance? Based on the look on his face, he was asking himself that same question.

BPOV

Once we had gotten home from the police station, I headed straight up to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. I felt numb. No, I felt like I was going to explode. I wanted to scream and shout. I wanted to hit someone and break everything I touched but I knew I couldn't do that. I had to face the fact that I was Charlie and Renee Swan's daughter but I didn't give a shit what any paper said, I was a Cullen and that wouldn't be changing.

I kicked off my boots and climbed onto my bed, pulling my beat up guitar into my lap. Seth had bought me this for my tenth non-birthday. He sat with me next to him and taught me how to play the first three basic chords. After that it became quite the obsession and I played all the time. Used to drive Emmett and Jasper insane.

I'm not sure how long I had been sitting there, strumming along softly, when someone knocked on my bedroom door. I closed my eyes as I pushed back the annoyed feeling I felt for being interrupted and yelled for them to come in. The door to my room opened and Esme stepped inside with Edward following her.

"You have company," said my mother, smiling. She looked over at Edward before she looked back at me. "The door stays open."

"Mom," I muttered, blushing bright red. Esme giggled as she walked out of my room but not before she pushed my bedroom door all the way open. Edward was smiling as he came over and sat down on the edge of the bed. "So have you heard?"

"Yeah," he said, nodding his head as his smile fell off his face. "Kate called me. She said that Garrett cried for an hour because you refused to talk to them."

"Oh," I said, looking down at my guitar as I began strumming again. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say. I've been crying for two days because of them.

"How long have you played the guitar?" asked Edward, scooting back on my bed and leaning against the wall next to me.

"I was around ten when my Uncle Seth gave this to me," I said, smiling as I looked up at him. "He taught me how to play a few chords and I fell in love with it."

"I met Seth downstairs," laughed Edward. "He gave me the 'I'll hurt you if you hurt her' look before your mom brought me up here."

"Oh great," I grumbled, shaking my head. "He means well but, well, he's a tad bit over protective of me. It's his training as a social worker."

"It's fine," smiled Edward. "I didn't really mind. I thought it was funny."

"He isn't going to like to hear you say that," I teased. "Seth takes his job as my uncle very seriously."

"I'll take my chances," smirked Edward. I smiled as I placed my guitar on the bed beside me and leaned my head on Edward's shoulder. I felt Edward sigh as he reached over and wove our fingers together. "Are you going to be at school tomorrow?"

"I guess," I murmured. "Can't hide forever, right?"

"Right," he whispered. "I'm glad though. I've been bored without you there to keep me entertained."

"How I have been entertaining you?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Oh, come on, Bella Cullen," he smiled, bringing his other hand up to my face. I felt the heat rise as I blushed. "I could watch you blush all day. It's very beautiful."

"Edward," I whispered, looking down at his lips.

Edward leaned in and gently pressed his lips down onto mine. My eyes fluttered closed as I leaned into him, putting more pressure behind the kiss. Edward's lips parted and he ran his tongue across my bottom lip. I spread my lips and eager let his tongue into my mouth. Edward cupped my cheek in his hand as our kiss intensified.

"Bella…Oh," said Esme. I blushed deep red as I broke my lips away from Edward's and looked over at my mother. She was smiling even if she wasn't looking right at us. "Um, I was wondering if you would like to stay for dinner, Edward."

"I can't," sighed Edward, clearing his throat. "Tuesdays are meatloaf night at our house and, well, I love my mom's meatloaf so…"

"Well, maybe another time," smiled Esme, looking at me before she walked out of my room. My face was so hot I could feel the heat radiating off of it as I looked back at Edward, who was equally as red.

"I should probably go," he mumbled, climbing off my bed.

"Ok," I said, quietly as I climbed off after him.

I walked Edward downstairs and through the living room, where Carlisle, Seth, Tanya, Emmett, and Jasper were all sitting with Esme. My mother was smirking but I ignored her as Edward and I walked out onto the porch. He leaned down and kissed me quickly before he walked down to his car. I walked back into the house and shut the door behind me, blushing bright red again as everyone looked over at me.

"So, Bella," said Seth, leaning back on the couch and folding his arms across his chest. "What's the story with that boy?"

"He kissed her Friday night," said Emmett before I could answer Seth.

"Is your name Bella?" I snapped, going over and popping him in the back of the head.

"Don't hit me," he muttered, hitting me in the arm.

"Don't be such jerk then," I grumbled, sitting on the couch next to him.

"That boy has been kissing on you?" asked Seth, completely ignoring mine and Emmett's spat.

"Maybe," I muttered, blushing again.

"I don't think I like that," grumbled Seth.

I laughed as I stood up and headed over to the stairs. "I didn't think you would, Seth. That's why you are my favorite uncle."

"I'm your only uncle," he hollered after me.

"That's why you are my favorite," I yelled back.

I heard him laughing with the rest of my family as I walked into my room. I closed the door and settled back onto my bed, picked up my guitar, and started playing again. I could still feel Edward's lips on mine and, for what felt like the first time in three days, I felt myself smile.


	10. Chapter 10

When I woke up Wednesday morning to get ready for school, my good mood from Edward's visit yesterday had officially worn off. Instead I could feel the anger and hurt pushing back up to the surface. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to go to school and try to be the same Bella Cullen I was Friday. I mean, not only would I have to deal with the stares, whispers, and rumors, but I would have to see them; Garrett, Angela, and Charlie. How was I supposed to be toward them now? Would Charlie expect me to call him dad? Would Garrett go all crazy big brother like on me? Would Angela hate me as much as she hated my ghost? So many question and zero answers.

I laid in my bed for as long as I could but eventually I had to get out of bed. I had to face this head on because wallowing away in self-pity wasn't doing me any good. I stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. I stripped off my pajamas and stepped in under the hot water. I took my time washing my hair and body, prolonging the inevitable for as long as I possibly could. Eventually, however, I had to get out. My hands were starting to wrinkle.

I dried off and headed back out into my room and got dressed. My nerves were already getting the best of me so I pulled on my favorite jeans and Clash t-shirt again. Thank God, Esme had done laundry. I added my boots and grabbed Edward's jacket before I headed downstairs. Emmett and Jasper were already in the kitchen with Carlisle, Esme, Tanya, and Seth.

"Morning, sweetheart," smiled Esme, standing up. She went over and popped a couple of pieces of bread in the toaster. I knew better than to argue with her.

"Morning," I muttered, sitting down next to Emmett. I poured myself some orange juice and took a small sip before I looked over at Carlisle. "Are you working today, Dad?"

"Yep," he sighed. "I talked to the board yesterday and now that they are convinced that I am not a kidnapper, they've welcomed me back. Isn't that nice?"

"Oh, yeah," I muttered as Esme set the toast down in front of me.

"Well, people are bound to realize the truth now and we can move on with our lives," said Esme, smiling.

"You think so, Mom?" I asked, looking up at her. "Cause I'm not so sure."

"Well, that is because you a cup half empty girl and I'm always there adding more water for you," she said, winking at me. I smiled and rolled my eyes at her. She reached over and grabbed my hand. "Bella, maybe this isn't a bad thing."

"What?" I asked, pulling my hand from hers as I stared at her. "How can you say that? These people treated you like you were a common criminal."

"I understand that, Bella," sighed Esme. "But-"

"There are no buts," I argued.

"Isabella Cullen, do not interrupt me again," said Esme, shortly. I leaned back in my seat but didn't say anything else. "I know that you are mad. You have a right to be. The Swan's could have come to us if they suspected that you were their biological child but we have accept that they didn't do that. Now, you don't have to like them but you will not be rude. I didn't raise my daughter to act like a brat."

"I'm sorry," I muttered, feeling my tears swimming around in my eyes. I pushed my plate away as I stood up. "I just don't know how I am suppose to deal with all of this."

I turned and walked out of the room, leaving all of them sitting there. I grabbed my backpack from next to the front door and headed outside. I climbed into the backseat of the jeep and waited for my brothers to come out, which they did a few minutes later. Neither Emmett nor Jasper said anything as Emmett started the jeep and headed to school. Yes, I was being a bitchy little brat. I knew that but I didn't want to deal with this. I just wanted to go back to being the same girl I was on Friday but nobody seemed to ask me what I wanted.

Emmett pulled the jeep up into a parking space in the parking lot. He cut the engine and looked back at me. "I know you are pissed, Bella, but we aren't going to let anyone take you from us."

"Yeah, Bella," said Jasper, turning and looking at me. "Who else would we pick on?"

"You two are a couple of dorks," I muttered, looking out the window. Several people were standing in front of the school, staring at the jeep. "They are going to stare at me, at us."

"Yeah, cause we are so good looking," chuckled Emmett. I smiled as I looked back at him. He was smirking at me.

"Ok, let's get this shit over with," I snorted, rolling my eyes at him.

Emmett, Jasper, and I climbed out of the jeep. They both moved so that they were on either side of me, like they were afraid someone was going to sneak up on us and take me away. Maybe they did worry about that. I don't know. We headed into the school, ignoring the stares that came from everyone. Nothing like making me feel like a huge fucking freak. It was like our first day of school all over again.

Emmett, Jasper, and I stopped in the office and got our absent slips from Mrs. Cope. She seemed to be struggling to hold her tongue and not spout off whatever she was thinking. We thanked her and headed out into the hallway. Jasper sighed as he turned and headed down to his first class. I shared a look with Emmett as we headed down to our English class.

Edward was standing out in the hallway, leaning against the door and tapping his foot nervously. He looked up at me and smiled. My face turned bright red which only seemed to make his smile grow bigger.

"Hey," he said, quietly. Emmett snorted and walked into the room, leaving the two of us standing in the hall. "Are you ok?"

"Um," I muttered, looking around me. People where standing at their lockers, staring at me. "No, not really."

"That was kind of a stupid question, huh?" he asked, smiling again.

"No," I said, returning his smile.

"Well, we should get in there before the bell rings," said Edward, gesturing to the classroom behind us.

"Suppose so," I murmured.

Edward motioned for me to go first, which of course made me blush even more. The room was completely silent when I walked in. Emmett was in his seat behind Alice, who for once wasn't talking to him. Everyone else in the class was either looking at him or had turned and was looking at me. I ducked my head as I walked up to Mr. Owens.

"Here's my slip," I muttered, handing my blue note. He took it and quickly signed it. I pulled out my make-up work and laid it on his desk. "Here's this."

"Thank you, Bella," he said, clearing his throat. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," I said, quietly.

I turned and went back over and sat down in my seat next to Edward. Mr. Owens cleared his throat once again and started his class. I pulled out my music book and held it close to my chest. We were only in the first class of the day and I was already ready to go home, curl up on my bed, and drift away to some fantasy world. It was going to be a long ass day. The bell finally rang after what felt like an eternity and I stood up. I went to pick up my backpack but Edward grabbed it first. I looked over at him.

"I can carry that, you know," I said.

"I know," he smirked, pulling it over his shoulder. "But I want to carry it for you."

"Why?" I asked, cocking my head to the side.

"Because then you have to walk down the hall with me," he explained.

"Oh, man, that is such a load of…crap," muttered Emmett, walking past me, Edward, and Alice. He stopped at the door and looked back at Edward. "Dude, you're trying too hard to get the girl. Man up, already."

"I don't know what you are talking about, Emmett," muttered Edward, turning pink around his ears.

"Whatever," snorted Emmett, looking over at me. "I'll see you at lunch, k?"

"K," I smiled.

Emmett left and I followed Alice, who was very subdued today, and Edward out into the hallway. As we walked down the hallway, I noticed that Alice seemed to be trying really hard not to look at me. It was like she wasn't sure what to say to me now. It was strange because the Alice I knew, could talk your ear off about anything.

"Alice, you are being quiet," I said. She looked up at me with wide eyes. "It's a little creepy."

"Oh," she muttered, looking away. "I didn't want to overwhelm you. Jasper told me…Well, he told me that you weren't doing very good."

"Oh," I said, shortly.

"Don't be mad at him," begged Alice, grabbing onto my arm. "He was just so worried and-"

"Don't worry about, Alice," I said, smiling as big as I could. "I know my brother."

"I didn't mean…I wasn't saying that you didn't," she stammered. She took a deep breath. "Sorry, I'm not sure what to say."

"Me either," I muttered.

"Why didn't you tell us you were adopted?" she asked.

"Alice," said Edward, who had been quiet until now. "What kind of question is that?"

"What I supposed to say, Alice?" I asked. "Hi, my name is Bella. I'm adopted so please make sure that you act weird around me."

"I guess not," she frowned. I stopped and looked at her.

"It's a part of me, Alice, that I don't talk about because it makes sad. I…" I trailed off as I shook my head.

"I shouldn't have asked," she muttered. "I guess I just didn't think…"

Alice trailed off as she rushed into our classroom. I closed my eyes for a moment before I looked over at Edward. "Why do I feel like I have the word freak written across my forehead?"

"I don't know," he murmured, grabbing my hand. He brought it up and laid it on his chest. "All I see is a beautiful girl."

"You have to stop saying that," I sighed, breathlessly as I blushed again.

"Why?" he asked, stepping a little closer to me. "It's the truth."

"Because my face is going to explode with all the blushing," I whispered, smiling as I looked up at him. "I think you like it too much."

"Maybe I do," he admitted, leaning down until his lips were just outside of my ear. "I can't help it, Bella Cullen. You've rocked my world."

Edward placed a soft kiss onto my cheek before he turned and pulled me into our classroom. My face was as bright as tomatoes but I didn't really care in that moment. Edward Masen just told me, Bella Cullen, that I rocked his world. Talk about a roller coaster kind of day.

Mr. Varner signed my slip and I went over and sat down next to Edward and Alice, vaguely aware that everyone was staring at me still or again. It all depended on your perspective, I suppose. He started his class but I wasn't paying attention. All I was thinking about was how Edward had just told me that I rocked his world. I wasn't even sure what in the hell he was talking about because if anything, Edward Masen had turned my world upside down. Only this was a good thing.

When the bell rang, Edward insisted on carrying my backpack out into the hallway. I humored him and let him do it. He leaned in and kissed my check again before handing my bag to me. My face was once again bright red as I stumbled down the hallway to my next class. Of course, my good mood was ruined once again when I walked into my Spanish class and saw Kate sitting in the seat next to mine.

She looked up at me and smiled nervously. I simply turned away and walked over to Mrs. Goff's desk. I gave her my slip, which she signed quickly, and headed back to my seat. Kate turned and looked over at me but seemed to be struggling with what she should say.

"Bella…" she trailed off. I looked up at her. "He's sorry for putting you through what he did."

"Sure he is," I muttered, looking away.

"You think this is easy for him?" she asked. I looked back over at her as I shook my head.

"No, Kate, I do not think this is easy for him or Angela or Charlie or Renee," I said loudly, pulling the attention of the class onto me. "But they weren't the ones dragged down to the police station. They weren't the ones who were thrown into a room all alone and left there for what felt like ever. Then to have those two jerks come in and question me about my parents. So, excuse me if I don't think Garrett's had it so freaking rough."

"Try living fourteen years thinking that your sister was dead," she muttered, harshly.

"Try living fourteen years thinking that your parents left you outside of a hospital," I hissed, standing up. "Try not knowing when your fucking birthday is for fourteen years, Kate."

I picked up my backpack and walked to the other side of the room, settling into an empty desk as everyone just stared at me. After a couple of minutes, Mrs. Goff started her class and I took to staring out the window, watching the rain fall once again. The bell rang and I scrambled to my feet as quickly as I could. I rushed out of the classroom, ignoring Kate as she called out my name. I wasn't in the mood to play another round of who had it worse.

I nearly ran down the hallway to my history class. I dropped my absent slip in Mr. Taylor's desk and took my seat. Jasper came in a few minutes later. I looked up at him and gasped. He had black eye and a busted lip.

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked, grabbing his face so I could look at his eye.

"Don't worry about it," he muttered, pulling his face out of my hand.

"Jas," I said, shortly. He sighed and looked over at me. "What happened?"

"This guy in my gym class was saying that mom and dad were doing horrible things to us, to you," explained Jasper. "I tried to ignore him but then he said…"

"What?" I asked.

"He said that Mom was a bitch. Then he said that Emmett and I were probably doing shit to you and I just lost it," he muttered. "I hit him and he hit me back."

"That was really stupid, Jas," I grumbled. "Are you sure you are ok?"

"I'm fine," he mumbled. "I just can't stay the thought of people thinking that we hurt you."

"I know but you can't hit every ass who thinks the worst," I sighed.

"I know," he muttered.

Mr. Taylor came in and started his class. Jasper kept his eyes trained on his book but I could tell that he wasn't paying any more attention to it than I was to what Mr. Taylor had been saying. I would seem that neither of us were having a particularly good day. When the bell rang for lunch, I stood up and followed Jasper out of the classroom. This was going to be hard.


	11. Chapter 11

Jasper and I headed down the hallway toward our lockers, leaving everyone staring at us as we walked by. Nothing like being stared at to make a girl feel like freak. Emmett was leaning against my locker when Jasper and I came up to him. He had his arms folded in front of him and he was glaring at the floor, giving it the most horrid look he could muster. Emmett looked up at me and Jasper and his mouth fell open when he saw Jasper's face.

"What the fuck happened to you, Jas?" he asked, loudly.

"Shut the hell up, Em," I hissed, moving my hand over his mouth. "Like we aren't drawing enough goddamn attention without adding your potty mouth to it."

"Sorry," muttered Emmett. I lowered my hand and started putting my books in my locker. "Who the hell hit you, Jas?"

"Don't worry about it, I took care of it," said Jasper, looking away from us.

"I didn't ask that," growled Emmett. "Who fucking hit you?"

"It doesn't fucking matter, Emmett," snapped Jasper, slamming his locker shut. "I took care of it and I'll do it again if I have to."

"No, you won't," I muttered, turning on him. Jasper opened his mouth to speak but I held my hand up. "No, Jas, you can't go hitting everyone who mouths off about shit they don't know about."

"I won't sit there and listen to them calling Mom a bitch, Bella," hissed Jasper. "I won't sit there and listen to them talk about you either."

"He's right, Bella," said Emmett. I turned and looked at him with my mouth open. "Anyone who badmouths you, us, Mom, or Dad is going to get their asses kicked."

"You'd be beating the shit out of everyone," I snorted. "Look, let's just forget about this for now and go get some lunch."

"Fine," sighed Emmett. "For now."

I followed Emmett and Jasper down to the cafeteria. As soon as we walked in, the room became deathly quiet. It was both annoying and humiliating. I saw Garrett and Angela sitting at our usual table with Ben, Kate, Alice, Rose, and Edward, although it didn't look like they were having a pleasant conversation based on their body language. Garrett looked at me and smiled but I turned away and followed my brothers over to the lunch line.

We each grabbed a sandwich, chips, and a coke. I purposely kept my eyes on the floor as I led my brothers to a table on the other side of the room away from Garrett and Angela. There was no way in hell that I could sit at the same table at them. Emmett and Jasper sat on either side of me but none of us started eating. My appetite was gone.

"Can we sit?" asked Edward. I looked up at him. He, Rose, and Alice were standing on the other side of the table from us.

"Sure," said Emmett. Rose slid into the chair next to him while Alice sat next to Jasper, bringing her hand up to his face. Edward took the seat directly across from me.

"I'm going to fucking kill Newton," she muttered.

"Who's Newton?" I asked, looking over at her.

"Mike Newton," she said, pointing to a scrawny blond boy sitting at the table next to Garrett and Angela's.

He had spiky, gelled up hair, a black eye and busted lip. He must have been the dick that pissed Jasper off. Mike looked over at us and smirked as he muttered something to the two boys sitting with him, a tall greasy, black haired boy and a boy with dark brown hair. Whatever he said though pissed Garrett off as he threw his chair back as he jumped over the table and pulled Mike down to the floor.

"Talk like that about them again and I will beat your fucking ass, Newton," yelled Garrett. "You don't know what the fuck you are talking about."

"GARRETT!" screamed Kate, pulling on his arm. Garrett dropped Mike on the floor as he stood up.

"This is your only fucking warning," growled Garrett.

Garrett looked over at me before he and Kate left the cafeteria, leaving everyone staring at him. Guess I should be glad that they aren't staring at me for a change, though. I looked back at my sandwich and pushed it away. I definitely wasn't hungry now.

"You should eat," said Edward, reaching across the table and pushing the sandwich toward me.

"I'm not hungry anymore," I muttered, looking up at him. "Why did you come sit over here? You drew a line, Edward."

"I did?" he asked. I was vaguely aware of Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Rose looking between the two of us. "How?"

"You chose me over him," I pointed out.

"No, I didn't," he disagreed. "I-"

"You know, Bella," said Angela as she and Ben came over to our table. "I don't give a shit what that test says. You are not my sister."

"Never said I was," I muttered, folding my arms in front of my chest.

"Good," she smirked. "The last thing I need is a bitch like you ruining my life more than you already have."

"Seems to me, Angela," I snapped, standing up, "that you are doing a good enough job messing your own fucking life up. Don't blame me for your feelings of self pity. Grow up already."

I picked up my lunch and tossed it in the trash before I walked out of the cafeteria. Stupid little bitch was pissing me off. I wasn't going to sit around and let her blame me for the fact that she was miserable. I have my own shit to deal with it and I certainly don't need to deal with hers. Shit she would never fucking understand. I turned the corner and ran into someone, falling flat on my ass.

"Fuck," I muttered, hitting the ground hard.

"Bella," said Charlie. I snapped my eyes up to him. He reached down to grab my arm but I scrambled away and stood up.

"Don't touch me," I said.

"Bella, I was just trying to help you up," he grumbled. "Are you ok? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, Coach Swan," I muttered, walking past him. "Just leave me the hell alone."

I walked down to my locker and threw it open. My hand was shaking as I reached in and pulled out my biology book and backpack. I slammed my locker shut and turned around only to find Kate standing behind me with a frown plastered on her face. I seriously wasn't in the mood to deal with this shit right now.

"Not now, Kate," I muttered, stepping away from her. She reached out and grabbed my arm. "Let go of my arm."

"September thirteenth," she said, releasing my arm. I looked back at her. "It's your birthday. You just turned seventeen last week. Garrett, Angela, Charlie, and Renee spent all night looking at your pictures and crying because they missed you."

"What's your point, Kate?" I asked, turning and facing her.

"You could try to see how much they are hurting," she said. I shook my head as I stepped closer to her.

"Kate, you should mind your own business," I snapped.

"Garrett is my business," she said, firmly. "He's your brother, regardless if you like it or not."

"No, he's not," I said, shaking my head. "My brothers are Emmett and Jasper. They were the ones who held me when I cried for weeks, Kate, because my birth parents were not there. They were the ones who went trick or treating with me every year. They are the ones who stayed up with me every Christmas Eve so we could see Santa. Emmett and Jasper are my brothers, not Garrett."

"You're not being fair," she mumbled. I laughed as I turned and walked away.

"How is any of this fair?"

I walked down the hallway to my biology class. Garrett was already sitting at our table. He looked up at me and just stared. I turned my eyes from his and walked up to Mr. Banner and handed him my slip. He signed it and handed it back to me.

"Do you have your make-up work completed?" asked Mr. Banner. I pulled out my assignments and handed them to him. "Thank you."

"Sir, I would like to sit with someone else," I muttered.

"Sorry, Miss Cullen," he said, looking up from my work to me. "I'm not going to get into the middle of this. You will sit where you did before unless it becomes a problem."

"Sir-"

"That's my final word on the subject," he said, firmly.

I clamped my mouth shut and stomped my way across the room and sat down on the blasted metal stool across from Garrett. I slammed my books down on the table but kept my eyes down. The last thing I needed was for Garrett to see me upset like this, not that he couldn't tell but that wasn't the point. Stupid teachers, just making my fucking life pure hell.

"Bella," said Garrett. However, I ignored him as I pulled out my music book and a pencil. "Bella."

I opened the book up and looked down at the song I had been working on but it made no sense to me right now. It all looked like gibberish to me.

"Bella, please talk to me," said Garrett. I sighed as I looked up at him.

"I don't want to talk to you, Garrett," I snapped. "I don't want to look at you. I don't want to be in the same room with you. All I want is my life back the way it was before you and your family ruined it."

"All I want is chance a get to know who you are," he muttered, standing up as Edward came into the room. "I've missed my sister, Bella."

"Angela is still there, Garrett," I said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I…" Garrett trailed off as he turned and walked out of the room. Edward came over and sat down on his stool. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I looked back down at my music book.

"Are you ok?" asked Edward.

"No," I muttered, looking up at him. "Why'd they have to come back now?"

"They were never gone, Bella," said Edward, moving over to the stool next to me. "They may not have held you physically in their arms but in the eight years that Garrett's been my best friend, there hasn't been a day go by that he didn't think about you."

"Not me," I murmured, shaking my head. "They didn't think of me, of who I am now, Edward. They thought of the three year old girl they thought was dead. If they loved me, how could they think I was dead? Shouldn't they have felt that I was alive?"

"I don't know," he whispered. "I just don't know."

"Nobody seems to know anything, do they?" I asked, turning back to my music book. "I'm supposed to feel sorry for them, right?"

"No," he said, slipping his arm around my waist as he leaned into me. I looked over at him. "Just remember that while you didn't ask for that carjacker to dump you at the hospital, they didn't ask for him to take you in the first place. They are just as much of a victim as you are, Bella Cullen."

"I don't want to be a victim," I whispered. "I just want to be Bella Cullen."

"You are," he said, smiling.

"Yeah?" I asked. "Tell that to Charlie and Renee Swan, Edward. I doubt they would agree with you."

Mr. Banner cleared his throat and started his lesson. I turned back to my music book but just stared at it. It still wasn't making any sense to me and, quite frankly, it was pissing me off. Maybe everything just pissed me off. I closed my music book and pushed it away with a loud sigh.

"Problem, Miss Cullen?" asked Mr. Banner.

"No, sir," I muttered, blushing as everyone turned and looked at me.

"Well, as I was saying…"

I tuned him out as he droned on and on about the lifecycle or whatever he was babbling about. Instead I sat there on my stool and glared at my music book, wishing that I could articulate my feelings the way I usually could. Normally, I could sit down and write them out in a song with no trouble but not this time. No, when I really needed my music book, it was letting me down.

The bell finally rang, ending the hour long class from hell. I stood up and snatched my music book up, shoving it down into my backpack before following Edward out into the hall. He smiled as he reached over and pulled my backpack off my shoulder. Of course, I blushed because that's what I do every time Edward does something even remotely sweet for me.

"You don't have to carry it for me," I said, quietly as we headed down to the gym. I was dreading this class more than I normally did.

"I want to," he said, smiling.

"Edward, why are you being so nice to me?" I murmured and shook my head. Edward reached down and slipped his hand into mine.

"Because you're my girl, Bella Cullen," he said, quietly. I looked up at him but he was looking at the floor.

"Your girl?" I asked, biting my bottom lip. "You want me to be your girl?"

"I kind of thought you already were," he muttered, looking up at me. "I mean…we went out Friday…and, um…I guess I shouldn't have assumed."

"I'll be your girl, Edward Masen," I whispered, blushing bright red again.

"Yeah?" he asked, smiling widely. I nodded my head. "Cool."

"Yeah, cool," I giggled.

Edward kept my hand in his as we walked down to the gym. He handed me my backpack but not before he leaned in and kissed my cheek. My face was the color of tomatoes as I turned and rushed into the locker room. Of course, my good mood dissipated as soon as I saw Kate and Rose standing next to our gym lockers. Huh, for three whole minutes I felt happy.

"Hey, Bella," said Rose as I opened my gym locker.

"Hi, Rose," I murmured. "Did Emmett eat his lunch?"

"No," she sighed, shaking her head. "Neither he or Jasper seemed to have an appetite."

"Know the feeling," I muttered, pulling my clothes out of my locker.

"Bella-"

"Kate, I am really not in the mood for more of this today," I snapped. "You've made your point. I am a bitch. I get it."

"I was just going to apologize," she whispered. "I don't know what to do. I love him, Bella, and he's broken. I just want to make it better."

"You can't," I sighed, looking over at her. "Kate, you can't make it better. I'm trying but I…I just can't deal them right now, any of them."

"I know," she murmured, shutting her gym locker. "I'll leave you alone."

Kate wrapped her arms around her body and walked out of the locker room, leaving me, Rose, and the other ten girls standing there. I sat down on the bench behind me and buried my face in my hands. Was this day ever going to end? Rose sat down next to me and awkwardly patted me on the arm. I looked up at her.

"Sorry, it's what my mom does when I'm upset," she muttered, letting her hand drop.

"It's fine," I mumbled, looking down at the ground. "Nobody knows how to act around me anymore."

"Can you blame us?" she asked, standing up. I looked up as she finished getting changed for class. "Bella, Garrett's one of my best friends and Angela, well, she's like an angry little kitten who needs to have her ass kicked but I love her, too. I know this is hard for you. I can't even begin to imagine how pissed off you must feel."

"But?" I asked. "There is a but, right?"

"No, no buts," she said, smiling. "I probably would have told them all to fuck off and leave me the hell alone, too, but I'm a bitch like that. I'll see you down there."

"Ok," I muttered, watching her leave.

I shook my head and took a deep breath as I stood up. I quickly changed and headed out to the gym. Rose and Kate were sitting on their spots on the floor as was Edward. Charlie was sitting on the bleachers. As soon as the door closed behind me, he snapped his eyes over to me. He watched as I walked over and sat down on the floor next to Edward, who gave me a big smile and wink. He was really going to have to stop doing that shit before my face exploded.

"Masen, eyes to the front," growled Charlie. Edward and I both snapped our eyes over to him. He was glaring at Edward. "This isn't the time or place for you to be flirting."

"Yes, sir," muttered Edward, turning bright red as everyone looked at him.

"Don't talk to him like that," I snapped, standing up as everyone looked over at me. "He wasn't doing anything wrong."

"Isabella-"

"Don't call me that," I yelled, causing everyone to gasp. "My name is Bella Cullen, Coach Swan. Surely, you can remember that."

"Bella, go to my office," he snarled, pointing to his office.

"No," I said, defiantly and folding my arms in front of me.

"Bella, now," he ordered, "or we can take this to the principal."

"GO TO HELL!" I screamed.

I turned and ran out of the gym and back up into the locker rooms. I didn't even bother changing my clothes. I just grabbed my stuff and took off out of the school. I knew Rose and Edward would tell Emmett and Jasper what had happened so I took off through parking lot toward our house. However, I didn't know my way around the town well enough and after about an hour of walking, I realized that I was lost. I screamed as I plopped down on the curb and ran my hands through my hair. I was so tired of all of this. All I wanted was to go home and I couldn't even find it.

I'm not sure how long I had been sitting on that curb, letting my tears fall into my knees when I heard a car stop. I looked up and saw Edward climbing out of his car. He ran over and pulled me into his arms without saying anything. He carried me over and set me in the front seat of his car, shutting the door gently. I curled up in the seat while he tossed my backpack and clothes into the backseat and climbed into the front.

"You're freezing," he muttered, fumbling as he turned on the heater. "What were you thinking, running off like that?"

"He pissed me off," I muttered, wrapping my arms around my chest. "He had no right to be like that to you."

"No, he didn't but I don't need you to fight my battles for me, Bella," he said, grabbing my hands and pulling them to his chest as he tried to warm them up.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be," he smiled. "It's fine. Your brothers were worried sick when they realized you weren't home."

"I got lost," I muttered, darkly. "Story of my life, I guess."

"I had better take you home then," said Edward, pulling my hands up to his lips.

I smiled softly as Edward released my hands and shifted his car into drive. I pulled on my seatbelt and tried to remember the route he was taking, in case I ever found myself in this position again. Edward pulled his car up in front of my house a couple of minutes later. He shut off the engine and looked back over at me.

"Can I call you later?" he asked.

"Sure," I said, blushing softly. "If I'm not in trouble."

"I'll take the chance," he chuckled, bringing his hand up to my face. "If I can't, I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok," I murmured. I leaned across the console in the middle of his car and pressed my lips to his. "See you."

I climbed out of the car and grabbed my stuff from the backseat. I walked up onto the porch and waved at Edward before I walked in to the house. Carlisle and Esme were sitting on the couch and neither of them looked very happy as I shut the door behind me.

"Sit," said Esme, calmly. I moved over and sat down on the couch but didn't say anything. "You know, Bella, I know you are upset but this behavior is not acceptable."

"We got a phone call from the principal telling us that you ran out of your gym class after telling Charlie Swan to go to hell. What were you thinking, Bella?" asked Carlisle.

"He was being rude to Edward," I muttered. "He got on to him because Edward was looking at me. There was no reason for him to be acting like that."

"You're right," said Carlisle, "but you can't be acting like that either. We didn't raise you to be rude to anyone, Bella. Especially to adults."

"Who are ruining my life," I grumbled.

"Yes, even to the people you think are ruining your life," sighed Esme, leaning up. "Sweetheart, you are going to have to start dealing with the fact that Charlie and Renee Swan are your birth parents. We all do."

"I don't want to," I said. "I don't need them, Mom."

"Bella, it's not that simple and you know it," said Carlisle, shaking his head.

"Do you have any idea what today was like?" I asked. They both shook their heads no. "Everyone stared at me. They talked about me, about us. I hated it, I felt like I was a freak. Even Alice, Rose, Kate, all of them treated me different because of the Swan's."

"It'll blow over," insisted Esme, reaching over and grabbing my hand.

"If it doesn't?" I asked.

"I don't know," she admitted.

"I don't know either," sighed Carlisle, shaking his head.

"Nobody seems to know," I muttered, standing up. "Can I go to my room?"

"Yes," said Esme.

I picked up my stuff and ran up the stairs to my bedroom. Emmett and Jasper were sitting on my bed, scowls on their faces. I dropped my stuff on the floor and closed the door behind me before I looked back at them.

"I already got the play nice lecture from Mom and Dad," I said. "I don't need it from you two, as well."

"Good," snorted Emmett. "Cause you ain't getting it."

"No shit," said Jasper. "But we are going to talk about you leaving school without us."

"Was I supposed to come barging into your classes and drag you out?" I asked, laughing at them.

"Yes," they both said.

"Sure as hell would have been better than listening to Banner's lecture," smirked Emmett.

"Or Mr. Owens boring us with his discussion on…well, shit, I wasn't listening," laughed Jasper, falling back on my bed. "It would have been nice to get a break."

"I'll remember that next time," I said, sarcastically as I climbed onto my bed between my brothers.

"Are you ok?" asked Jasper, looking over at me.

"I'm tired," I muttered, curling up. "Really tired."

"Us too," muttered Emmett, laying back on the bed. He snaked his arm under my head. "We're really tired, too."


	12. Chapter 12

"_Isabella," sang Renee. _

_I turned and looked for her but I couldn't see her anywhere. I was standing in the middle of a park. It was nighttime and so dark that I couldn't see anything but a few outlines of the playground equipment. The wind was blowing causing the leaves on the trees to rattle eerily. The small light that sat on the edge of the parking lot did little to help illuminate the cold, wooded area. _

_The wind picked up, gusting around me. I heard a squeak behind me and spun around. The seesaw was moving up and down even though there were no children in the park. There was a creaking noise and I looked over to see the swings pushing back and forth, back and forth. I wrapped my arms around my chest as I looked around, frantically searching for my mom or dad, Emmett or Jasper. Anyone who would take care of me. _

"_Isabella, come home," cackled Renee. _

"_Where are you?" I cried, spinning around but I couldn't see her anywhere. All I could see was the darkness. "TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE!"_

"_I'm here," she said, grabbing my arm. I turned and looked at her. She, Charlie, Garrett, and Angela were standing there. "Aw, my sweet, Isabella. It's time to come back home, where you belong."_

"_NO!" I screamed, trying to pull my arm out of her hand. "LET ME GO!"_

"_Come on now, Isabella," said Charlie, grabbing my other arm. "Daddy has you."_

"_You aren't my Daddy," I cried, fighting against them. "I want my Daddy. I want Carlisle."_

"_I am your Daddy," snapped Charlie, tightening his grip on my arm. "You will do as you are told."_

"_NO!" I screamed, knees buckling as I fell to the ground. _

_Charlie and Renee started dragging me along the ground, letting the cold mud splatter up on me. Garrett and Angela stood there watching them take me away. I tried to fight them off but they tightened their grips on my arms to the point that it hurt and I knew I was going to have bruises on my arms. _

"_LET ME GO!" I screamed. "YOU ARE NOT MY PARENTS!" _

"_Yes, we are," snapped Renee, pulling me to my feet. She brought her free hand up and gripped my face tightly in her hand. "Those people don't want you anymore. You've caused them enough problems, Isabella."_

"_No, that's not true," I cried, trying to pull my face out of her hand but she squeezed my jaw tighter. "You're hurting me."_

"_Bella, Bella, come back," called Esme. I turned to look for her but I couldn't see her anywhere._

"_Mom, help me, please!" I begged as Charlie and Renee started dragging me away. "Mommy, please, help me!"_

"_BELLA, WE'RE COMING!" yelled Carlisle._

"_DADDY!" I screamed.. _

_Charlie and Renee ignored them as they dragged me through the park. Charlie threw open the back door to his car and they threw me inside, slamming the door behind him. I pulled on the handle trying to get out of the car but it wouldn't budge. I banged my fists on the windows as Renee and Charlie climbed into the front seat of the car. I could see Garrett and Angela holding Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper back as they fought to stop Charlie and Renee._

"_Please, let me go," I cried, beating my hands on the glass. "Please."_

_Charlie turned in this seat and smiled at me. "We're going home, Isabella, where you belong."_

"NO!" I screamed, shooting up in my bed.

I frantically looked around my dark room, looking for any signs that they were here. All I saw was my desk, dresser, and clothes that were strewed all over my bedroom floor. The clock on the table next to the bed said it was just after five in the morning. I crawled out of my bed, grabbed my music book, and stumbled downstairs. The light was on in the kitchen so I headed in there to see who was up. Esme was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping on her coffee and making a shopping list.

"Mom, what are you doing up so early?" I asked. Esme smiled and looked up at me.

"I couldn't sleep," she said, quietly. "What are you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep either, " I muttered, darkly.

"Well, sit down and I will make you some breakfast," said Esme, standing up.

"I'm not really very hungry," I said, softly as I slid into the seat next to hers.

"Bella, you have to eat," she said, quietly.

"My stomach hurts," I murmured. "I don't think I should go to school today."

"Sweetheart," sighed Esme, taking the seat next to me. "I know this is hard on you but you can't hide from this."

"We could move," I muttered, pulling my knees up to my chest. "We don't need to live here. We could go back to LA."

"We could but that won't change the fact that Charlie and Renee are your birth parents and that you have two birth siblings here," said Esme, covering my hand with hers.

"I don't want them," I whispered. "I have you and Dad. I have Em and Jas. I don't need them."

"You can never have too much family, Bella," said Esme, quietly. I pulled my hand out from under hers as I stood up.

"They are not my family," I muttered, harshly. "I thought you would understand, Mom, but I guess maybe I am causing you too many problems."

I turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving my mother sitting at the table. She called for me to stop but I ignored her and went up to my room. I was being a brat, a bitch, a royal pain in the ass and I knew it but I was so scared that I was going to lose her, Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper. Nobody told me how I was supposed to behave. How do you handle learning that the people that you thought abandoned you, didn't? I was confused, scared, hurt, humiliated, and pissed off. Life really sucked ass sometimes.

I didn't bother showering. Instead, I just stripped my pajamas off and pulled on the cleanest pair of jeans I could find and an ugly grey t-shirt with a puppy on the front. Emmett and Jasper had bought it for me last year for my non-birthday as a gag gift but it had become one of my favorites. I often teased Emmett that the Great Dane that was pictured on the shirt was him. He would roll his eye but he always had a smile on his face when he did it.

Once I had my shoes on, I grabbed my backpack and hurried back downstairs. I could hear everyone in the kitchen but I wasn't in the mood to deal with them. I yelled that I was walking to school and hurried out of the house before they could stop me but when I stepped outside, I saw Edward pull his car up in front of the house. I smiled as I walked down the front walk.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as he climbed out of his car.

"I was hoping that maybe you would ride to school with me," he said, smiling. It was cute how his ears turned a little red.

"Kind of early, isn't it?" I asked.

"I figured I would have to talk to your dad about it," he admitted. "At least that is what my mom told me before I left."

"Your mom sounds like a wise woman, Edward," I smiled, "but you don't have to ask him. I was just fixing to walk to school."

"Why?" He asked. I looked away as I bit my lip.

"Needed some time to think," I muttered.

"Ok, well, why don't you think inside of my car," suggested Edward. "That way you don't freeze on your mile walk to school."

"Ok," I said, blushing.

I reached for the door handle but Edward yelled at me to stop. I stifled my giggle as he ran around to the passenger side of his car and opened the door for me. Blushing even brighter than I already was, I slid into the seat. Edward shut the door behind me and I reached up for my seatbelt. I saw Carlisle and Esme watching us from the front door. Guilt surged through me for how I had been behaving. Edward climbed into the car and took off toward the school.

"Tell me about your mom, Edward," I said, looking over at him.

"What do you want to know?" he asked, warily.

"I don't know," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "You just seem really close to her and your dad."

"I am," he admitted. He looked over at me for a minute before looking back at the road. "Will you go somewhere with me after school?"

"Um, sure, I guess," I murmured, pulling on my bottom lip. "Can I ask where?"

"Um," he said, clearing his throat. "It's kind of complicated."

"Ok," I said, confused. Edward parked his car in the parking lot of the school and cut the engine. He looked out the window. "Edward, are you ok?"

He looked over at me and smiled. "I'm fine," he said. "Will you do me another favor today?"

"What?" I asked.

"Give Garrett a chance," he said. I sighed and looked out the window. "I'm not asking you to do anything more than just be civil but…it's been hard for him, too."

"I'm sure it has, Edward," I muttered, shaking my head. "But I don't know what to say to him."

"How about hi?" he asked. I rolled my eyes and looked over at him. He looked serious. "Look, I'm just asking that you don't tell him go to hell or to fuck off. He's really hurting."

"So am I but nobody seems to care about that, do they?" I asked, throwing the car door open. "All I keep hearing is how I am supposed to be nice to them. Where they being nice when they dragged us down to the police station like fucking criminals?"

"Bella-"

"Just forget it, ok," I muttered, climbing out of the car. "I'll be little miss fucking sunshine for everyone, Edward."

I slammed the door shut and headed into the school. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Mike Newton and two of his lackeys cornering Angela against her locker. I couldn't hear what they were saying but based on the smirks on their faces and the hurt look on Angela's, it wasn't anything good.

"Hey," I yelled, storming over to them. "Get the fuck away from her!"

"Well, well, look, guys, it's the fish's big sister," smirked Mike, crossing his arms in front of him. He gave me the once over and I threw up in my mouth a little. "I don't see the resemblance. I mean, the fish is flat-chested but you have a nice pair of tits."

"First of all, don't look at my boobs," I snapped. "Secondly, leave her alone or I will kick you ass."

"Sweetheart, you couldn't kick my ass," smirked Mike, reached over and placing his hand on my face. I dropped my backpack and grabbed his hand, twisting it back. "FUCKING BITCH!"

He dropped to his knees as I pulled his hand back behind him. "I grew up in LA, you stupid motherfucker, and I have two brothers. I learned a long time ago how to beat pussies like you down. Mess with Angela again and I will break it. Touch me again and I will break it. Do we have an understanding?"

"Let me go," he whine, slapping his free hand on the ground.

"DO WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING?" I screamed.

"YES!" he shouted.

I released his hand and pushed him into the ground before picking up my backpack. "Good, glad we had this little chat, Mikey."

I left Angela standing there, gaping at me, and headed down to my locker. Mike's friends dragged him off of the floor, stifling their own laughter. People like Mike really pissed me off and I was already in a bad fucking mood today. I slammed my locker shut and headed down to my first period class. Of course, seeing as I still had twenty minutes before class started, I was the only one there.

I hadn't been sitting there for very long when I felt him. I looked up and saw Edward standing in the doorway, looking abashed and unsure if he should take the desk next to me again. I gave him a small smile. He returned it and came over and slid into the desk next to me.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, quietly. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"I shouldn't have overreacted like I did," I murmured. "I didn't sleep good last night and…I don't know. I've never been this confused before," I whispered, feeling my eyes fill up with tears.

"I just don't want you to push him or Angela away before you've given them a chance," said Edward, grabbing my hand.

"Fourteen years, Edward," I said, softly. "For fourteen years, I've wondered how I ended up in front of that hospital. I've wondered why they left me. How they could leave me. Now, I'm supposed to be all fucking happy that the reason they never came for me was because they thought I was dead. How is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"I don't know," he said, frowning.

"I don't like feeling this angry," I whispered, brushing a tear away. "It scares the shit of me and I don't know how I am supposed to handle all of this."

"I'm sorry," he muttered, reaching over and stroking my cheek. "I'll won't bring it up again."

"Hey, Bella," said Alice as she and Emmett came in. I ran my hands over my face and looked over at them.

"Hi, Alice," I said, quietly. Emmett stopped and looked from me to Edward and back.

"You made her cry," he said, accusingly as he looked over at Edward. "Dude, you don't make her cry."

"Shut up, Emmett," I snapped. "He didn't make me cry. Just stop."

"Fine," he said, gruffly. He looked back over at Edward. "Just make sure you don't make her cry."

"I won't," said Edward, meeting my brother's gaze.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was exhausted. Waking up early and after having that nightmare had pushed my body into overdrive and all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and spend the rest of the day sleeping. However, I didn't get to do that. I had to go face the greater population of the student body of Forks High School so they could stare at me some more.

I followed Jasper, who had been extremely quiet all morning, down to the cafeteria. Emmett was waiting for us outside the doors with Rose, Alice, and Edward. I followed them all into the large, cavernous room and everyone turned and looked at me again. I pulled away from Edward, who had slipped his arm around my waist, and stepped back.

"I'm not in the mood for this right now," I muttered, turning and walking out of the room.

I was feeling…suffocated so I pushed the doors that lead outside. The air was cool but not cold. I took a deep breath pulling as much of the air into my lungs as I could. I let the doors close behind me as I walked over and sat down on one of the steps that lead up to the front of the school. I leaned my forehead on my knees and tried to empty my mind.

"Hey," said Garrett. I inwardly groaned as I opened my eyes and looked behind me. He was standing just outside the doors. "Is it ok if I sit?"

"Would it matter?" I asked, looking away.

"Yes," he said, thickly.

"Well, it's a free country so I guess you are free to do what you want," I muttered.

The door shut with a soft thud as Garrett moved over and sat on the steps next to me. "It was getting pretty unbearable in there."

"No shit," I muttered, looking back at him. He looked tired, too. His eyes were dark and he had huge bags under them. "You look like crap."

"I know," he frowned. "I haven't been sleeping very much."

"Me either," I whispered, looking away from him.

"I heard about what you did for Angela," he said, quietly. "Thank you. She's…"

"A bitch?" I asked, looking over at him. Garrett's lips twitched as he fought his smile.

"Yeah, but she's just really struggling right now," he said.

"Aren't we all," I muttered. "Don't worry about it. I don't take well to people like Mike Newton thinking they can be assholes to everyone."

"Me either but you didn't have to stand up for her. I mean, I know you hate all of us," said Garrett. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I don't hate you, Garrett," I sighed, looking at him. "I don't know you."

"You don't want to," he muttered.

"That's not fair," I whispered.

"None of this is fair, is it?" he asked, shaking his head.

"I don't want to say to you, Garrett," I murmured. "You want to be my brother but I don't know you."

"I don't want to be your brother," he said. I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Wait, that's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?" I asked.

"I do want to be your brother, Bella, but for now, I'd settle for just being your friend," he said, smiling. "I just want a chance to know who you are now."

"I'm so confused," I muttered, looking away from him again.

"Me too," he sighed.

"Ok, we can try to be friends," I said, quietly. "But no big brother bullshit, ok?"

"Ok," he said, quickly. I smiled and looked over at him.

"That includes anytime that Edward touches me or kisses me," I said. Garrett puckered his lips and looked away. "Garrett."

"Ok, ok," he sighed. "I'll do my best. Besides, it's Edward, he's a good guy."

"He's a great guy," I said as the bell rang. "Guess, it's off to class we go."

"Yep," grumbled Garrett.

Garrett and I headed back into the school. Emmett and Jasper were standing next to my locker. Both of them scowled as soon as they saw Garrett walking with me. This wasn't going to be good, I thought to myself as I stopped at my locker.

"I'll meet you in class," I muttered, looking back at Garrett.

"Yeah, ok," he said, looking between me and my brothers before he headed down the hall. I turned and went to open my locker but Emmett places his large hand on the door.

"What the hell was that, Bella?" he asked.

"Nothing," I muttered. "We have Bio together."

"I know that but you were talking to him," he snapped.

"I know, Emmett," I said, looking up at him. "Look, Garrett and I are going to try to be friends, ok?"

"No, it's not ok," he snapped.

"Em," said Jasper, pushing him back a few steps. "Dude, calm down."

"No, Jas," yelled Emmett, pushing our brother off of him. "Don't you see what's going on? She doesn't want us now that she has him."

"Emmett," I gasped. "That's not true!"

"Bullshit," growled Emmett. "This is what they want, Bella. They are trying to tear our family apart and look, it's happening. Mom was in tears this morning when we left because of you."

"EMMETT," yelled Jasper, pushing him down the hall. "Go to class before you say anything else you are going to regret."

"Fine," snapped Emmett.

He glared at me before he took off running down the hallway. Jasper looked back at me and started to speak but I turned and walked away from him. As I walked down the hallway, I could feel the tears building in my eyes. I had made my mother cry. I had hurt her with my words and actions and had caused her to cry. I was a horrible person.

I stumbled into the classroom just as the final bell rang. I was struggling to keep the tears from pouring down my face as I scurried over and took my seat across from Garrett and Edward. It was truly was a lose/lose situation. If I didn't make the effort to at least be civil to Garrett and Angela, then I was being a bitch but if I did try, then I was betraying my brothers. Would anything ever be ok again?

Biology dragged on slowly. I could feel Edward and Garrett's eyes on me the entire time but I kept my head down and looked for patterns in the grey and white tiles that lined the floor. By the time the bell rang, I had seen several puppies, at least ten different clouds, and an etching of Elvis. I stood up and grabbed my backpack and shuffled out of the room without saying anything to Edward or Garrett. I honestly wasn't sure what to say to either of them.

"Hey, wait up," said Edward, running out after me. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"Hey," he said, grabbing my arm and pulling me to a stop. I looked up at him. "What is going on?"

"I did what you wanted and told Garrett that we could try to be friends," I explained.

"That's great," he smiled. I shook my head and looked down.

"Yeah, except for the fact that Emmett thinks I've betrayed him," I muttered. "I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't."

"Fuck, I'm sorry, Bella," murmured Edward, wrapping his arms around me. I laid my head on his chest.

"I'm so tired, Edward," I whispered.

"I know," he whispered, back.

After a couple more minutes, Edward and I headed down to the gym. He brought his hand up to my face, gently stroking my cheek before he leaned in and kissed me. My face was bright red as I turned and walked into the girls locker room. What was it about Edward Masen that made me feel better when I was ready to give up?

I shook my head and went over and changed for gym. Neither Rose or Kate said anything to me, even if I did notice smiles on both of their faces. Something told me that they may have witnessed mine and Edward's little kiss. Once the three of us were dressed, we headed down to the gym. The moment I walked into the gym, I felt Charlie's gaze on me and the good mood I had had for five whole minutes dissipated.

I tore my eyes away from his and wrapped my arms around my chest as I walked over and sat down next to Edward, who smiled at me. Charlie didn't say anything this time about Edward's 'flirting' with me. Gym passed by even slower than biology did. Charlie finally dismissed us but asked me to stay back. I didn't really want to but I knew that I had to, all in the effort to play nicely.

"Bella," he said, moving across the gym to where I was standing next to the door. "Are you ok?"

"Super duper," I muttered. "Did you need something specific or…"

"I was just worried about you," he said, quietly. "I thought maybe you fell down. You know how air is."

"I'm fine," I mumbled, ignoring his attempt to lighten the mood by bringing up airs attempts on my life.

"Good, that's good," muttered Charlie. He raised his hand to place it on my shoulder but I stepped back and he let it fall to his side. "Bella, I'm sorry."

"Yeah?" I asked, looking up at him. "Just what are you sorry for, Coach Swan? Treating us like we were criminals? Dragging my parents' good name through the mud so that people in this town talked about them like they were thugs? Is that what you are sorry about?"

"We didn't mean for it to go down like that," said Charlie, shaking his head.

"Well, it did," I grumbled. "I'd better get going."

"Ok," he sighed, dejectedly. "Will you do me a favor?"

"Cause I owe you so many, right?" I muttered.

"Ok, so favor was the wrong word," he said. "Instead of Coach Swan, will you call me Charlie?"

"I'll think about it," I mumbled.

"Thanks," he muttered.

I nodded my head as I turned and rushed out of the gym. I rushed into the locker room and quickly changed out of my gym clothes and back into my school clothes. I bid Kate and Rose goodbye before heading back out. Edward was waiting for me. He smiled and pulled my backpack off my shoulder.

"Still willing to go somewhere with me?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, smiling.

Edward smiled as he led me out of the school and down to his car. Emmett and Jasper were standing next to the jeep. Emmett looked away as soon as he saw me but Jasper smiled. I sighed as I climbed into Edward's car and pulled on my seat belt. I was going to have to deal with Emmett when I got home. I just wasn't sure what to say to him.

Edward climbed in behind the wheel and took off out of the parking lot. He didn't say anything as he drove us through Forks. He turned on to one of the small country roads and drove for a few minutes before he turned into the Forks Cemetery. He drove to the back and cut the engine. Edward climbed out of the car and I followed him. I wasn't sure why he drove us here. He walked over and stood in front of a small heart shaped headstone that was made out of a black granite. I stood next to him and looked down at the name.

Elliana Juliet Masen  
1994-2000  
Beloved daughter and sister  
Our Guardian Angel

"Edward?" I asked, whispering as I looked up at him.

"My sister," he muttered.


	13. Chapter 13

EPOV

I knelt down and ran my fingers over my sister's name. It didn't matter how many times I came here, it still felt weird seeing her name etched into the black granite in front of me. Elliana Juliet Masen.

"Edward?" asked Bella, sitting on the ground next to me. "You had a sister?"

"Yes," I said, sitting down in front of Bella. "Elliana was two years younger than me. She, um, was a pain in the ass but I loved her."

"What happened to her?" asked Bella.

"Um, a car accident," I muttered, wrapping my arms around my legs. "She was six. My mom, Elizabeth, had just picked her up from her dance class in Port Angeles. They were on their way home when a semi jackknifed and hit them. Elli died instantly and my mom was left paralyzed from the waist down."

"Oh my god," whispered Bella. "I'm so sorry."

"She was so full of life, Bella," I said, looking over at the headstone. "She smiled all the time and, God, her laugh was contagious. You could not hear her laughing and not join in. She had just started kindergarten and was learning how to read. She loved school. I used to make fun of her because of it but it never bothered her."

"That must have been difficult," muttered Bella.

"It was," I admitted. "Before my mom had left to take her to her dance class, she had broken one of my favorite toys. I yelled that I hated her and I wished she had never been born. You can imagine how much I regret that now."

"Yeah," whispered Bella. I looked over at her. She was watching me with tears in her eyes. I reached over and wove my fingers in with hers.

"After she died, I didn't…well, I didn't do anything," I said, frowning. "Elli loved listening to me play the piano and I couldn't do it anymore because it reminded me of her. Everything reminded me of her. My parents were trying their hardest to deal with their own grief and mine. My mom was bitter and angry because God took Elli and left her here as a cripple, at least that how she felt. We just didn't really talk much for a long time."

"What changed?" asked Bella.

"I met Garrett," I replied. "He moved here about eighteen months after Elli died. We became friends. He had been here for about a month when he came to school just torn up. I asked him what was wrong but he wouldn't tell me. Anyway, I dropped it because I knew there were things that you just don't talk about. We were at recess when Mike started messing with Angela. She was in the first grade and had fallen off the monkey bars. Instead of helping her, he was standing there laughing at her. Garrett ran over and pushed Mike down and started screaming at him about not picking on his sister and kicking his ass. I pulled Garrett off of Mike and told him to calm down. He pushed me away and said that he could take care of his sister and that he wasn't going to let anything happen to her. Well, I thought that he had heard about Elli and was saying that I hadn't taken care of her the way I should. I called him a jerk and told him that he didn't know what hell he was talking about. I told him that I wished that I had died instead of Elli," I admitted. Bella gasped.

"You didn't mean that, did you?" she asked.

"At the time," I said. "I was an angry little shit, Bella. I blamed everybody and everything for taking her away from me. Garrett stood there for what felt like ever before he asked me who Elli was. I realized that he wasn't talking about me. Mike smarted off about Elli and I turned and ran back into the school. I lied to my teacher about being sick and my dad came and picked me up from school. He kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn't tell him. I went home and went straight to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. I crawled under my bed and pulled out the small shoe box that was hidden under there. I spent all afternoon looking at every picture of me and Elli that I have," I said, wiping a tear as it slipped down my face.

"After school, Garrett came over. He said my dad had told him to come on back to my room. I don't know why but I told him everything about Elli and how mad I was. He told me about you. We bonded, I suppose. He told me that I needed to tell my mom and dad how I felt because it wasn't doing me any good to hold onto it all by myself. After he went home, I went into the living room and sat on the couch with my mom and dad and told them how mad I was about everything. It was ugly because they didn't realize that I felt neglected and unwanted. We cried and screamed together but after that we started seeing a family therapist. They made more effort to actually spend time with me and I learned how to deal with my anger," I explained. Bella sat there with tears slipping down her face but she didn't say anything. I was starting to feel very self-conscious. "Can you say something?"

"I don't know what to say," she muttered, reaching up and wiping the tears off her face.

"I often leave girls speechless," I smiled. Bella shook her head and looked away.

"Why didn't you tell me about Elli before?" she asked.

"You had enough on you mind without me adding to it." I pulled on her hand to get her to look at me, which she did. "I didn't tell you this to make you feel guilty."

"Then why did you?" she asked.

"Because I don't want you to lose Garrett and Angela before you've given them a chance. Because I know what Garrett felt like for all those years when he thought you were dead. How he wished everyday that he could see you one more time. I won't get that chance with Elli but you can."

"It's that easy, huh?" asked Bella. "If I try to be civil to them, then my brother thinks I am betraying our family. If I don't, then I am branded as a coldhearted bitch. Which one do I choose, Edward, because right now, I am just tired."

"I never said it was going to be easy, Bella," I said, quietly. "I'm not even saying that you and Garrett and Angela have to be all BFF's or whatever." Bella chuckled softly. "I just don't want you to regret letting this chance to know them pass you by because you are angry."

"How do I get rid of the anger I feel?" she asked, looking up at me. "For fourteen years, Edward, I thought they just didn't want me. You can't even imagine how it felt to go fourteen years thinking that your real parents threw you away."

"I don't know," I answered, honestly.

"At the beginning of every year at school," started Bella, "our teacher would ask us all to tell her our birthday so she could write them on her calendar. Every year, I didn't have one to tell her. We always used the date I went to live with Carlisle and Esme but I didn't even know that it was my birthday last week. We would celebrate what we called my non-birthday on the day that I came to live with them, December third, but it wasn't the same. Carlisle and Esme treated it like it was my birthday, we did cupcakes and presents and all of that but it wasn't the same. I didn't even know I turned seventeen last week, for fuck sake."

"I wish I had some brilliant answer for you, Bella Cullen, but I don't," I admitted. "I'm sorry, I guess I'm not helping much, huh?"

"You are," she whispered, shivering from the cool air. "You are the only one making me feel somewhat sane anymore."

"Come on, I had better get you home before you turn into a popsicle," I smiled, standing up. I pulled Bella up to her feet and looked back down at Elli's headstone. I stepped over and kissed my fingers, placing them over her name. "Love you, Elli. I'll talk to you soon."

Bella didn't say anything as we headed back over to my car. I slipped my arm around her waist, pulling her close to me. I could tell she was cold. I could feel how cold her arms were, even if she never said anything. Once I got her into the car, I turned on the heater and made sure it was blowing on her.

By the time I pulled up in front of Bella's house, she was fast asleep. I climbed out of the car and ran around to her side. I gently lifted her out of the car and carried her up to the front door. I barely managed to ring the door bell. A moment later, the door was opened by Bella's mother.

"Oh my lord," she gasped.

"She's just sleeping," I whispered. "She was really tired."

"Ok, can you carry her on up to her room?" asked Esme, whispering back.

I nodded my head so Esme led me up the stairs to Bella's room. I laid her on the bed and pulled her blanket up over her before kissing her cheek. I followed Esme downstairs and found Emmett and Jasper sitting on the couch. Neither one of them looked too happy with me but I didn't really give a shit. They weren't making things any easier for her.

"What the heck did you do to her?" asked Emmett, standing up and glaring at me.

"I just listened to her," I said, walking over to the front door. I stopped and looked back at him. "Maybe you should do the same thing. She's really tired."

I shut the door behind me, leaving them all standing there. My mother would beat my ass if she heard me talk in front of Esme like that but someone needed to tell Emmett to give her a break. I'm sure this was hard on him and that he was scared of losing his sister but Bella was on the verge of a mental breakdown and his bullshit wasn't helping her at all. I climbed into my car and headed to my house.

Elizabeth was laying on the couch when I came in. She looked up and smiled at me. People always commented on how much I looked like my father but how I had Elizabeth's hair and eyes. I could see it. Even though the years hadn't been easy on my mother, she was still incredibly beautiful. She had soft auburn hair and bright, sparkling green eyes. Elli had the same green eyes, too.

"There is my darling boy," she said, smiling. "Where have you been?"

"I was hanging out with Bella Cullen," I said, blushing as she smiled even bigger. "She needed someone to talk to."

"How is she doing?" asked Elizabeth, pushing herself up more. I went over and helped her sit up and swing her legs down to the floor. "Thank you, darling."

"No problem," I smiled. "She's ok. Really confused and tired right now."

"I'm sure she is," sighed Elizabeth. "When are you going to bring her here to meet me?"

"Mom," I grumbled.

"Don't mom me, Edward Anthony," she laughed. "I want to meet this amazing girl you talk so much about."

"I'll bring her over soon, ok," I muttered. "She's going through enough without having to deal with you."

"Ha ha," she snorted.

"What do you want for dinner tonight, Mom?" I asked, lifting her off the couch and setting her in her chair. "Anything sound good?"

"I was thinking tacos," smiled Elizabeth. "How do tacos sound?"

"Good," I chuckled. "Dad working late?"

"He should be here soon," said Elizabeth. "He called about ten minutes ago and said he was fixing to leave the office."

"Ok, well, let's get to cooking," I laughed, pushing her into the kitchen.

I set my mom up at the table so she could cut the tomatoes, grate the cheese, and tear the lettuce while I browned the hamburger meat and cooked the shells. I had just placed the last of the food on the table when I heard my father's car pull up into the garage. The smile that broke out on my mother's face could only be described as breathtaking. Even through all the hard times, they still loved each other so much. It was inspiring.

"Something smells delicious," moaned my father, Edward Sr., as he came into the house, loosening his tie. "Are those tacos?"

"Yep, and they are getting cold so hurry up, old man," I said, teasing my father as I pulled three plates out of the cabinet.

"So funny, Edward," snorted my father, clapping me on the back. "How was school today?"

"It was ok," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Just ok?" he asked, kissing my mother. "Hello, my love."

"Hello, my darling," smiled Elizabeth. I turned away and gave them their moment as I grabbed us some napkins.

"Yeah, it was just ok," I said, quietly.

"And, um, how was Bella today?" asked Ed, smirking. I rolled my eyes and sat down on the other side of my mother.

"Tired," I muttered.

"Hmm, I suppose I would be tired, too, if I was going through what that poor child was," murmured Elizabeth, fixing her tacos. "I met her father, Carlisle, at the hospital today."

"You did?" I asked, looking over at her.

"Yes, when Irina took me in for my physical therapy," explained Elizabeth. "He seemed like a very nice man."

"I think he is," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "I haven't really talked with him too much but the way that Bella talks about him and Esme, I think they are good people."

"I got that feeling, as well," smiled my mother. "Hopefully, people will let this whole situation blow over and they can move on with their lives."

"I hope so," I muttered.

After we finished dinner, I washed the dishes while my father carried my mother into their bedroom to help her get ready for bed. I watched as he kissed her cheek and whispered how much he loved her. She laid her head on his chest and murmured her loved back to him. Once I was finished cleaning up the kitchen, I headed to the back of the house where my room was located. I did my homework before changing into my pajamas and climbing into my bed.

I thought about Bella and smiled. I liked that girl so much that it scared the crap out of me. I had been so careful with my feelings over the last ten years since my sister died. I mean, I dated some but it wasn't anything more than a handful of first dates to school dances, the movies, and the occasional movie. Most girls didn't understand just how much my parents meant to me but Bella did. Something told me that that girl was going to change my life. Maybe she already did.


	14. Chapter 14

BPOV

When I woke up the next morning, I was confused on how I had gotten home yesterday, much less into my bed. The last thing I remembered was Edward turning the heaters on in his car. The thought of Edward brought a smile to my face. To say that I was surprised when he drove me to the cemetery after school would be a huge understatement but finding out about his sister, Elli, was an even bigger shock. Now, it all made sense to me. Why he had been encouraging me to get to know Garrett and Angela. He didn't want me to live with the same regrets that he does, especially when I can do something about it. If only it was that easy, however. While I understood his reasoning, my family was too important to me let The Swan's come between us. I was more confused than ever and wasn't sure how I was supposed to deal with all of this. Why did everything have to be so fucking hard all the time?

I crawled out of my bed, feeling like a member of the living dead. My head hurt from crying, stressing, and thinking so hard. All I wanted was to stay in bed and sleep all day but I knew that I couldn't do that. I had to go to school and put on a brave face, pretending that I had everything under control when in fact, nothing was under control.

I stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I looked back at the mirror and looked at myself. The girl reflecting back at me was not the same girl I knew just a short week ago. That girl had been excited about going out with Edward and the others to Port Angeles. She smiled and laughed. She was happy. This girl was sad and angry looking. She looked broken.

I turned away from the mirror and pulled off my pajamas. I climbed into the shower and let the hot water wash over me. My muscles felt tight and tense but I couldn't seem to get them to relax. Finally giving up, I shut off the water and grabbed a towel. I quickly dried off and went back into my bedroom. I quickly got dressed, slipping on a pair of dark jeans and a Paramore t-shirt. I dried my hair and pulled it up into a messy bun and slipped on my shoes. I looked around for my backpack and realized that I had left it in Edward's car.

_Guess I won't be doing my homework._

I headed downstairs to the kitchen. Carlisle and Esme were sitting at the table with Emmett and Jasper. All four of them stopped talking and looked up at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I adverted my eyes from them and looked out the window. Of course, it was raining again. That's all it ever did in this fucking ass of a town.

"Sweetheart, what would you like for breakfast?" asked Esme, breaking the silence. I looked away from the window but didn't look at her. I didn't want to see the hurt I knew I was causing her, in her eyes.

"I'll just have a banana or something," I muttered, shuffling over to the counter. I pulled a banana out of the bowl and held it to my chest. "I'll be on the porch."

"Bella, sit down," said Carlisle, standing up and catching me before I could leave the room.

"Why so I can be made to feel guilty for how I am feeling?" I asked. "No, thank you."

I pulled my body out of my father's arms and rushed out of the room, leaving them to process my words. I walked out on the porch and stood there, watching the rain fall from the sky and plunking down onto the ground. I was so lost in my musings that I didn't realize that Edward had pulled up in front of the house until he placed his hand on my shoulder, causing me to startle.

"Sorry, I thought you heard me," he said. I brought my hand up to my chest and took a calming breath.

"No, I wasn't paying attention," I muttered. "What are you doing here?"

"I was hoping to drive you to school again," he said, smiling his crooked smile. The door opened behind us and we both looked to see my father standing there, looking aggravated. "Hello, sir."

"Edward," said Carlisle, looking from me to him. "What can I do for you so early?"

"Well, sir, I was hoping to drive Bella to school again this morning," explained Edward, smiling sweetly.

"I see," said Carlisle, looking over at me. "I'm afraid that I need a few minutes alone with my daughter so I will be driving her to school this morning."

"Dad," I muttered.

"No problem, Mr. Cullen," smiled Edward. He looked back at me. "I'll see you at school."

"Yeah, ok," I murmured.

Edward smiled at my father before turning and rushing through the rain and climbing back into his car. Carlisle placed his hand on my back and led me out to his car. I climbed into the passenger seat and pulled on my seatbelt while he climbed into the drivers seat. He started the car and pulled out of the driveway, heading toward the school.

"You know, Bella," he started. "I know you are upset. I get that but this behavior has to stop."

"You don't understand," I muttered, looking out the window.

"Help me understand, sweetheart," he said, quietly. I just stared out the window. "If you don't talk to me, I can't help."

"You and Mom want me to play nice with the Swan's," I said, looking over at him. "But if I do that, then Emmett and Jasper think that I am betraying the family. I feel like I am being pulled in a million directions and I don't know what to do, Daddy," I cried, pulling my knees up to my chest. "Tell me what to do."

Instead of saying anything, however, Carlisle took a sharp left and pulled out onto the highway leaving Forks and pulled out his cell phone. "Hey, honey, do me a favor and call the school and let them know that Bella won't be there," he said, looking over at me. "We're playing hooky…No, she needs a break from everything and I am giving it to her…I will…love you, too."

I smiled softly and nodded my head at him. After he called my mother, he called into work and let them know that he was going to be gone for the day. An hour later, he pulled his car up in front a small music store in Port Angeles. He motioned for me to follow him inside, which I did. My mouth dropped open when I saw the shelves packed full of vinyl records.

"Oh my god," I muttered, looking around. I walked up to one of the shelves and pulled off a record. "AC/DC's Flick of the Switch Album on vinyl." I clutched it to my chest as I began looking through the shelf.

"Can I help you?"

I turned back and saw a young woman with curly red hair standing at the end of one row of records. She had pale skin and freckles covering her face. Her bright blue eyes were sparkling as she looked from me to Carlisle. She was wearing a multi color peasant skirt and a white t-shirt.

"My daughter and I were admiring your collection," said Carlisle, smiling at her.

"Where did you find AC/CD's Flick of the Switch?" I asked. "It's so hard to find."

The woman smiled as she moved over to me. "I found it at a flea market in Portland. I about had a heart attack when I saw it," she pulled the record from my arms and moved over to her player and put it on. "It took so much effort for me not to laugh in the woman's face when she sold it to me for twenty-five cents."

"I bet," I snorted. The music was booming around me, causing my hands to twitch. "God, I love this album. It was definitely some of their finest work."

"Not everyone would agree with you," laughed the woman.

"I know but there is something about this one," I muttered, closing my eyes. "It's like food for my soul."

"Hmm," she hummed. "I've never heard of someone your age speak of music like that."

"I can't help it," I smiled, opening my eyes. "Music is my lifeline."

"Mine as well," she said, matching my smile. "I'm Maggie. I'll let you two look around. Holler if you need anything."

"Thank you, Maggie," said Carlisle. "We will."

Carlisle spent a couple of hours searching through Maggie's shelves. She had so many amazing little treasures hidden away from everyone. I found everyone from AC/CD, Zeppelin, Ozzy Osburne, and Queen but my favorite find was The Beatle's White Album. I actually stopped breathing as I gazed over it with trembling hands.

After the leaving the record store, Carlisle and I wondered down the street and window shopped. There were tons of small antique shops that lined the street. Esme would love it. She always had a thing for finding the one hidden treasure in a shop full of junk. I stopped in front a store that was displaying antique picture frames. In each frame were families. The parents were standing behind their children, proudly smiling.

"I don't know how to get past all my anger," I muttered, not looking over at my father. I knew he had heard me.

"No one is expecting you not to be angry," he said, placing his hand on my back. "We just don't want you to let your anger consume you."

"It is," I whispered, letting a tear travel down my face. "I thought they didn't want me, Daddy. How do I let that go?"

"Maybe you should talk to them," he suggested. I looked over at him. "I'm not saying that you have to have a relationship with them but maybe we need to sit down with them and talk this out."

"What if they try to take me away?" I asked. "Everyone keeps saying that they can't but what if they do?"

"I don't know," he said, frowning. "I don't have all the answers, honey."

"You're supposed to," I mumbled. "You're my dad."

"Ah, I missed that part of the dad handbook," he sighed. I smiled and looked at him. "I knew I was forgetting something."

"Eh, not everyone can be perfect like me," I smirked. Carlisle threw his head back and laughed.

"Whatever, you can't even parallel park," he snorted as we headed up the street.

"I can, I just choose not to," I smiled.

"Keep telling yourself that, honey," he laughed.

Carlisle and I windowed shopped for a little while longer before heading back to the car. We headed down to a small coffee and sandwich shop and had a quick lunch. He told me about some of the doctors at the hospital that he was working with. Even though his start had been thwarted by the discovery of my birthparents, I could tell that he loved his job here.

After we were done eating, we headed over to the theater and watched a movie. There wasn't much of a selection so we ended up going with a scary movie. Some remake of an eighties movie that had been huge. I had never heard of it. Carlisle and I sat in the back and munched on our popcorn, even though we had just eaten lunch, and laughed every time someone screamed and got scared. Once the movie was over, we stumbled out of the theater, laughing, and tossed our empty popcorn bucket into the trash. We walked outside and looked at each other.

"Well, I guess we should get back," sighed Carlisle.

"I suppose," I murmured.

An hour later, Carlisle and I pulled up into the drive-way. Edward was sitting on the front porch. I ignored the snickers coming from my father as we climbed out of the car and headed up to the porch. Edward looked up at me and smiled, causing me to blush and Carlisle to outright laugh. I turned and glared at my father.

"Ok, ok, I'm going," he chortled, putting his hands up. "Edward, are you going to be a permanent fixture on my front porch?"

"Dad," I hissed, turning bright red.

"I was just asking," laughed Carlisle, heading into the house. "Gee, so sensitive."

I rolled my eyes as I looked back over at Edward, who looked like he was trying not to laugh. "Don't encourage him, Edward."

"I can't help it," he chuckled. "He tries to be intimidating but he's just not."

"I am, too!" yelled Carlisle from the other side of the door.

"DAD!" I screamed. Edward laughed, heartedly, and I, once again, rolled my eyes. "You know, he's going to try extra hard to get you to fear him now," I smirked.

"Eh, let him try," smiled Edward. He reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me into the seat next to him. "You weren't in school today."

"I played hooky with my dad," I smiled.

"Sounds like that would have been much more fun than what we did," said Edward.

"It was," I murmured. "How was school?"

"Hectic," he said, cryptically.

"That bad, huh?" I asked, pulling my knees up into the chair I was sitting in.

"Garrett was worried about you," muttered Edward, looking away from me. "He was afraid that he's caused you too much trouble with your brothers."

"It's not his fault," I murmured, looking down at my feet.

"It's not yours, either," said Edward. I looked up at him. "It's not."

"Who's fault is it then?" I asked.

"Some asshole who thought he could just take what he wanted and chose Renee's car," said Edward.

I looked over as Emmett and Jasper pulled the jeep up behind Edward's car. The two of them climbed out, followed closely by Alice and Rose. They headed up on the porch and looked between me and Edward. Alice and Rose were smiling but Emmett and Jasper, glared at him. There went my good mood.

"Hey, Bella," smiled Alice. "How was your day?"

"Fine," I murmured. "How was yours?"

"Ugh, we had a test in Spanish," she sighed. "I'm pretty sure I failed."

"That sucks," I said.

"Yeah, my parents are going to be super pissed off," she explained.

"They won't be pissed, Ali," scoffed Rose, sitting down next to her. "They think you can do no wrong."

"Whatever," laughed Alice. Emmett and Jasper were just standing there, glaring the fuck out of Edward's head.

"Stop fucking glaring at him, nimrods," I muttered.

"He doesn't have to be here all the time," grumbled Emmett.

"He's not," I muttered, blushing as Rose and Alice looked between us. From the corner of my eye I could see Edward staring at the floor, clearly embarrassed about his presence here at my house.

"Seems like it to me," said Emmett, storming into the house. Rose threw me a soft smile before she followed him inside.

"Dude, hurt her and I hurt you," growled Jasper before turning and heading into the house.

"Ignore them, Edward," smiled Alice. "They are just being dorks."

"Yeah," he muttered as Alice flittered into the house. He looked up at me. "Well, that went good."

"I am so sorry about them," I said, quietly. "They normally aren't such jerks."

"Don't worry about it," he smiled. "I can take care of myself, Bella Cullen."

The door to the house opened and Esme stepped out. "Edward, would you like to stay for dinner?"

"I would but my dad is working late and I have to get home so I can help my mom with dinner," explained Edward, standing up.

"Maybe another night then," said Esme, smiling as she looked from me to Edward.

"Yes, ma'am," murmured Edward. He looked back at me and smiled. "Can I call you later?"

"Of course you can," I whispered, blushing bright red again. My face was going to end up stuck this shade at this rate.

"Ok," he said, softly. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Bye, Bella Cullen."

"Bye, Edward Masen."

As Edward walked down to his car, Esme came over and wrapped her arm around my waist. Edward waved at me before he climbed into his car and drove off.

"I like him," said Esme. I looked over at her. She was watching me with a big smile on her face. "He makes you smile."

"I like him, too," I murmured, looking down at my feet. "Mom…"

"I know," she whispered, hugging me. "I'm sorry, too, sweetheart. We'll figure out what to do to make everything okay but no matter what, Bella, you are my daughter and I love you very much."

"I love you, too, Mom," I cried, hugging her. "I'm so sorry."

"It's ok," she murmured, rubbing my back.

Esme and I headed inside the house. Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice were sitting on the couches, watching television. I looked over at Esme. "I'm not hungry. Can I go to my room?"

"Sweetheart, you have to eat," she frowned.

"I had big lunch with Dad and some popcorn," I said, looking over at my brothers. "Please?"

"Ok," she sighed. "I'll fix you a plate and put it in the fridge, in case you get hungry later."

"Thanks, Mom," I muttered. I headed toward the stairs.

"Bella," said Emmett. I stopped and looked back at him.

"What, Emmett?" I asked.

"Hang with us," he said. I shook my head and headed up the stairs.

"I would rather not be the fifth wheel and since you made my boyfriend feel like he wasn't welcome here, why should I make your girlfriend feel that she is?" I asked. "No offence, Rose."

"None taken," she called after me.

As I walked into my bedroom, I heard her tell Emmett that he was being a jerk and to get his head out of his butt. I was starting to like Rose more and more. I changed into a pair of sweatpants and one of Carlisle's t-shirts and crawled onto my bed. I pulled on my iPod and listened to my favorite playlist and thought about Edward. He was the only part of Forks, that I didn't hate right now.


	15. Chapter 15

I woke up before the sun had even risen Monday morning and climbed out of my bed, grabbed my guitar and headed downstairs. My room was stifling and I was starting to feel like I was suffocating in there. I headed out onto the front porch, settling down on one of the wicker chairs. I folded my legs under me and placed the instrument on my legs. I lightly strummed the chords but didn't pay much attention to what I was actually playing.

The weekend had flown by in a blur of nightmares, sleepless nights, and feelings of anxiousness. Edward and I talked on the phone every night and I always felt better while talking to him, but it was like as soon as I hung up from talking with him, the guilt ate at me for making everyone hurt. My stomach literally hurt and I could barely eat anything because of it. Carlisle and Esme both pushed me to eat more, and I tried, but I just couldn't seem to eat more than a bite or two.

I spent most of the weekend locked up in my room, working on one crappy song after another. Nothing I wrote or played or even listened to helped me deal with everything I was feeling inside. Emmett and Jasper were still ignoring me, and making catty comments about Edward being around or calling too much. No matter how many times Carlisle and Esme told them to shut up and drop it, they just wouldn't. Needless to say it was getting fucking old.

I wasn't sure what to do about Emmett and Jasper, either. We had never been like this with each other. Sure we fought but what siblings didn't? It was just, no matter what I knew I could always count on them. Or at least I thought I could. It wasn't fair that they were being a couple of jerks. It was one thing to be like that to me but to treat Edward like that was going too far. I really liked Edward. I had never felt like this before and, while it scared the shit out of me, I didn't want to lose him now. He was really the only person who wasn't telling me how to feel. I hadn't given them a hard time about Rose and Alice so why couldn't they give Edward a break?

"What are you doing out here at six in the morning?" asked Carlisle. I looked over and saw him standing in the doorway, dressed for work.

"Couldn't sleep and needed out of my room," I muttered, shrugging my shoulders. "You're going to work early today."

"Gotta make up for the other day," he smiled.

"Thanks for that, by the way," I said, quietly. "I needed that."

"I did, too," he sighed, sitting down in the seat next to mine. "I thought this was going to be an opportunity for us to get out of the city and, I don't know, maybe enjoy some family time together instead of working all the time. Guess that really bit me on the ass."

"The city wasn't all that bad," I said. "At least they had a Starbucks on every corner."

"True," laughed Carlisle, shaking his head. "I could really go for an espresso right now."

"Remember that time you had like four of them," I smiled. "You were so sick."

"Ugh," he shuddered. "Thanks for reminding me."

"You're welcome," I smirked. Carlisle laughed and stood up.

"I'm off to work. Don't get cold."

"I won't," I murmured.

I watched as my father ran through the rain and jumped into his car. I was going to have to buy him an umbrella. I sat on the porch until I heard Esme moving around in the kitchen. I headed inside, placing my guitar next to the door, and headed into the kitchen. She was standing in front of the stove, placing thin strips of bacon on the frying pan.

"Morning, Mom," I said. She jumped and threw her hand up to her chest. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"I just wasn't expecting you up yet," she said, looking over her shoulder at me. "Have you been outside?"

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep anymore and my room was…" I trailed off. "Can I help you with breakfast?"

"No, ma'am," she scoffed. "You can go up to your room and take a hot shower. I can practically see the icicles forming."

"Ok, Mom," I sighed, knowing better than to argue with her.

I headed upstairs to my room and quickly showered. Esme was not a woman to be messed with and I knew that, respected that, and remembered that. Honestly, I was freezing so feeling the hot water warming my skin did feel good. Once I had warmed up, I turned off the water, dried off, and headed back into my bedroom. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a black, long sleeve t-shirt that had two red cherries on the front.

When I got downstairs, I could hear Emmett and Jasper in the kitchen with Esme. I groaned as I thought of another awkward family breakfast with my brothers but I also knew that Esme would not be happy if I didn't at least attempt to eat something. So I reluctantly headed into kitchen and joined them. Just as I expected, Esme smiled at me while Emmett and Jasper turned their eyes down onto their plates.

"All warm now?" asked Esme, standing up.

"Yep," I muttered, sitting down at the table.

"Good. How about some breakfast?" she asked, bringing her hands to my face.

"Sure, Mom," I said, quietly.

Esme smiled and made me a plate of eggs and toast. I kept my eyes down onto the table while I ate. The air was filled of tense, awkward silence and was almost as stifling as my room had felt when I got up this morning. I managed to eat about a quarter of my food before I pushed my plate away, ignoring the sigh that came from my mother.

"We should go," muttered Emmett, pushing his chair away from the table.

"Yep," said Jasper.

Both of them turned and walked out of the room without a second glance back at me. I closed my eyes as I stood up and went to follow them out.

"Bella," said Esme. I stopped and looked back at her. "Have a good day at school."

"I'll try, Mom," I said.

I grabbed my backpack from next to the door and headed outside. Emmett was already inside the jeep while Jasper was standing next to the passenger side door, waiting for me to climb in. I did so without a word to them. I wasn't about to apologize for doing nothing but liking a boy. Our car ride to school was just as tense as our breakfast had been. Emmett parked the jeep in the parking lot and cut the engine.

Without saying a word to me, the two of them climbed out of the jeep. Emmett slammed his car door while Jasper left his door open for me. However, both of them went into the school without a look back at me. I sat there for a minute a tried to push back the tears I felt building up inside of my eyes. I never thought my brothers would be the ones treating me like crap.

Eventually, I climbed out of the jeep and headed inside. Just like they did last week when I came back to school, everyone stopped and stared at me. Didn't they have anything better to do than stare at me all the time? I wasn't a fucking freak who was dancing naked in the pale moonlight for fuck sake. I pulled my backpack up on my shoulder and headed down to my first period class.

Emmett was sitting in his seat behind Alice, glaring the fuck out of the back of Edward's head. Alice was sitting there with wide eyes as she looked between the two of them. I went over and took my seat next to Edward, who smiled at me. He seemed to be the only person who even gave a crap about me at all.

"Hey," he murmured.

"Hi," I said, blushing as I did every time he spoke to me.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Fine," I muttered. "You?"

"I would be better if you would at least smile at me," he said, pushing a strand of hair out of my face. Emmett cleared his throat loudly, causing me, Edward, Alice, and everyone else to look back at him. "Something wrong, Emmett?" asked Edward, shortly.

"Nope," muttered Emmett, glaring at him. "Just thinking maybe you need to keep your hands to yourself."

"You need to keep your opinions to yourself," I snapped, turning away from him.

"You need to remember who took you in when you had nobody," Emmett muttered, under his breath. Everyone in the room took a sharp breath as each word that Emmett said hung in the air.

"Don't worry, Em, I haven't," I said, quietly, wrapping my arms around my body. "Regardless of what you think."

Mr. Owens bustled into the classroom and looked around at everyone, who was sitting there in complete and utter silence. "What's going on?"

Nobody said anything as they turned their stares from me and Emmett and over to him. He looked around for a moment before he started his lesson. Edward reached over and placed his hand on top of my shoulder. I leaned my head down on it, trying to push back the ache that was pounding inside of my heart. How could he think that I had ever, for one second, forgotten how much they gave me?

When the bell rang, Emmett rushed out of the classroom without as much as a backwards glance at me. I ducked my head behind my hair and grabbed my backpack and followed Edward and Alice out into the hallway.

"Bella," said Alice.

"What, Alice?" I asked, looking up at her. She frowned and looked away.

"Nothing," she muttered. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," I whispered.

The rest of the morning went just as painfully as my first class had. Alice kept throwing me looks of pity. She was only trying to be nice but it was annoying the crap out of me. I just wanted everyone to stop pulling me in every direction and let me breathe for a moment. Through each class, I could feel my fatigue and pure physical exhaustion creeping up on me. My body ached, my eyes burned, and my head hurt. When I got to History and took my seat next to Jasper, he didn't even bother looking up at me. I wanted to scream at him to stop but I couldn't. I wanted to beg him to love me again, but I didn't. Couldn't they tell it was killing me? Didn't they care that they were hurting me?

Instead of heading into the cafeteria at lunch, I headed outside and walked around, trying to keep myself together. Edward sat on the front steps, watching me. He had a frown on his face but I didn't know how to get him to smile when it hurt to think about what I was doing to everyone. I was hurting so many people and I had no idea how to make it better because no matter what I did, someone was going to hurt. Like I've said before, life really sucked ass sometimes.

"You should go home and sleep," said Edward when the bell rang to signaling the start of afternoon classes.

"I can't," I muttered, looking down at my feet.

"I'm worried about you," he whispered, tilting my chin up so I was looking up at him. I saw nothing but concern in his eyes. He was genuinely worried about me.

"I'm ok," I murmured.

"Bella," he whispered, laying his hand on my cheek. I leaned into his hand and closed my eyes.

"Please don't," I wept. "I just…please."

"Ok, baby," he murmured, wrapping his arms around me. "I won't."

Edward kept his arm around me, keeping me tucked into his side as we headed back into the school. Emmett, Jasper, Rose, and Alice were standing in front of our lockers while Garrett, Kate, Angela, and Ben were standing in front of theirs just a few feet down the hallway. At the end of the hallway, just past my biology class, I saw Charlie. As Edward and I walked down the hallway together, I felt like I was being given an ultimatum by both sides, choose us or else. Life really sucked ass sometimes.

Edward and I walked into biology, leaving them standing there watching, gawking, accusing me of being a bitch, even if they didn't say anything. Their actions, or lack there of, spoke volumes to me and told me everything I needed to know. Mr. Banner came in pushing a television cart form the AV department. Guess, today was going to be a movie day.

As soon as the lights were off, I felt my eyelids beginning to droop. I tried to fight it but I barely remember feeling my head hitting the top of my lab table as I passed out from sheer exhaustion.

"_Come on, Isabella," said Charlie, pulling on my arm. I tried to pull away from him but he tightened his grip, digging his fingers into my skin painfully. "COME ON!"_

"_NO!" I screamed, kicking him off of me. "You are not my Daddy!"_

"_Go with them, Isabella," sneered Emmett. I spun around and gasped. He and Jasper were standing behind me, glaring at me._

"_Emmett, no," I begged. "I don't want to."_

"_Don't you?" asked Jasper, tossing the rock in his hand up and down. "Now, that you have your real family, you don't want us anymore."_

"_No, I want you," I cried, stepping toward them but Charlie and Renee grabbed my arms. "LET ME GO!"_

"_We took you in," spat Emmett. "We gave you everything and you are throwing it away for them."_

"_NO," I screamed. _

"_We loved you, Bella," sighed Jasper, shaking his head. "But you can't have both. It's us or them."_

"_That's not fair," I cried. "I want you but I need to know them."_

"_Guess that's your choice then," muttered Jasper. _

_He reared back and threw his rock at me, hitting me in the head. I screamed as my knees gave out on me. Charlie and Renee, however, kept me up so that Emmett and Jasper could continue to throw rocks at me. No matter how much I begged and screamed for them to stop, they wouldn't. They hit me in the head, face, arms, and legs. After more than a dozen hits, Charlie and Renee dropped me on the ground. _

"_We thought you were stronger than that, Isabella," sighed Renee._

"_I'm so disappointed in you," said Charlie. "Look at how weak you are."_

_Charlie and Renee turned and left me laying on the ground, bleeding and crying. Emmett and Jasper stepped up to me, kneeling down and pushing me onto my back. I could barely make them out through the swelling that surrounded my eyes. Both of them were shaking their heads in disgust. _

"_To think that we wasted our life with you as our sister," grumbled Emmett._

"_I always thought you were better than this, Bella," sighed Jasper. "I guess that's what we get for taking in a piece of shit like you in the first place. They didn't want you and, now, neither do we."_

_Without saying another word, Emmett and Jasper stood up. They raised the large stones in their hands over their heads and brought them down, once again hitting me._

"NO!" I screamed, falling off my stool and onto the floor.

I snapped my eyes open as I looked around the room for any sign that my brothers were here. Instead of finding them, I found everyone staring at me, gawking at me again. Scrambling to my feet, I brought my hands to my hair and screamed as I pulled, hard.

"STOP STARING AT ME!"

"Bella," said Edward. I snapped around and looked at him. He was slowly moving around to me. "It's ok."

"No," I cried, stumbling away from him. "They killed me, Edward. They killed me because they hated me and didn't want me anymore."

Before he could say anything else, I turned and ran out of the classroom and down the hallway, ignoring him, Garrett, and Mr. Banner yelling at me to stop. All I knew was that I needed to get away. I had to run, hide, find someway to get all this pain and hurt, anger and guilt out. I stumbled out of the school, falling onto the hard concrete. I screamed again as I scrambled to my feet, letting the rain fall down on me. For once I didn't care about the rain.

I jumped into the jeep, digging my keys out of my back pocket and tearing out of the parking lot as fast as I could. I wasn't sure where I was going, just that I needed to get away. A few minutes later, I slammed on the breaks and jumped out of the jeep, leaving the engine on and ran into the woods. I stumbled several times, falling and cutting my hands on the sharp rocks. I pushed myself to keep moving until I found myself standing at the edge of some cliffs.

"_Pick a side, Bella."_

"_Choose now!" _

"_Give us a chance." _

"_WE DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE!" _

"STOP!" I screamed, stepping closer to the edge.

The toes of my shoes were right at the edge. I could jump, make it better for everyone. No more pain. No more guilt. No more sides to pick from. They could just go on with their lives. They didn't need me anymore. Emmett and Jasper had proven that they didn't give a shit anymore. I scooted even closer to the edge, letting the tips of my sneakers hang over the edge.

"Just one little step," I muttered. " And I could fly."

"Bella, stop."

"No more pain, no more anything," I said, looking down at the waves crashed onto the rocks. "Just one more step."

"Bella, baby, come here." I turned around. "Come on."

"No more crying," I cried, shaking my head.

"Bella Cullen," said Edward, reaching for me. "Don't leave me."

"No more guilt for hurting everyone," I cried.

"This will hurt them more," said Edward, extending his hand out to me even more. "This would kill them all. You can't do that."

"They killed me," I sobbed. "They threw rocks at me and killed me. I can't do this anymore. The pain is killing me."

"I'll help you," he said, stepping closer to me. "Baby, please, let me help you."

"You can't," I cried. "Nobody can."

"I can," he insisted. "I swear on everything I have that I will help you but you have to take my hand."

"Edward," I cried, wrapping my arms around my body.

"Bella Cullen, take my hand," he said, pleading with me. "Don't leave me, too."

I closed my eyes as I reached out for his hand. Just as my hand was going to touch his, my feet slipped off the edge of the cliff and I fell.


	16. Chapter 16

**EPOV**

"No," Bella cried, stumbling away from me. "They killed me, Edward. They killed me because they hated me and didn't want me anymore."

Bella turned and ran out of the room. Her words hung in the air heavily and I stood there frozen for half a second. They were killing her slowly with everything they were putting her through. It was no wonder my girl was cracking.

"Bella, wait!" I yelled, chasing after her. I followed her outside but she was already in the jeep and was tearing out of the parking lot. "GODDAMN IT!"

"Where is she going?" asked Garrett, running out after me.

"Who the fucks knows," I muttered, turning and heading back into the school.

Mr. Banner motioned for me and Garrett to follow him down to the office. I was afraid for a moment that we were in trouble for running out of class after Bella, not that I cared though. She was falling apart and nobody seemed to see that besides me. Garrett and I took a seat outside the office while Mr. Banner went inside to talk to Mr. Stevens, our principal. That's where we were when Emmett, Jasper, and Charlie came rushing down the hallway.

Of course Emmett and Jasper were too busy glaring at Charlie to notice anyone else. Stupid pain in the asses. I could kill them both for how they were treating Bella. She was their sister and they were treating her like shit. Emmett hit well below the belt this morning with his comment. He was such an ass.

"What's going on?" asked Carlisle as he, Esme, and Renee came rushing into the school.

I was fixing to answer them when the door to the office opened and Mr. Banner and Mr. Stevens, a tall Latin man, came out. I could tell just from the looks on their faces that this wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation for anyone. Before either of them can say anything, the bell rang ending fifth period.

The doors to the classrooms opened and everyone trickled out, laughing and talking like nothing had just happened in the biology classroom. How nice it must be to live in a world where nothing bad happens, a world where your biggest concern is which mall you are going shopping at and what to eat for dinner. I turned my eyes away as everyone finally scattered into their next class, leaving the hallway nice and empty again.

"Bella ran off," said Mr. Banner, folding his arms across his chest. "She fell asleep in my class and started screaming about people killing her. She took off before any of us could stop her."

"How in the hell did this happen?" snapped Renee, placing her hands on her hips and glaring at Carlisle and Esme. Like it was all their fault Bella was being driven slowly insane.

"She hasn't been sleeping much because someone decided to come in and turn her life upside down," seethed Esme, matching Renee's stance. "I wonder who that could be?"

"No kidding," muttered Emmett.

"We haven't done anything but try to get to know our daughter, something you won't let us do," growled Charlie.

"She isn't your daughter," snapped Carlisle. "She's ours. You need to leave her alone. You had your chance and threw her way."

"We did no such thing," sneered Renee. "Besides, it doesn't look you are doing a very good job with her, seeing as she took off running."

"She wouldn't have if you weren't in her face all the time," said Esme, harshly. "She-"

"All of you need to shut up," I said, standing up. Everyone turned and looked at me.

"This isn't any of your concern, Edward," snapped Jasper. "Just go play with someone else's feelings."

"NO!" I yelled. Everyone took a step backwards. "This is exactly what is hurting her. All of you are pulling her in a different direction and she's starting to crack. Why can't you see that?"

"What the hell do you know about her?" asked Emmett, folding his arms across his chest. "You come in here, trying to do whatever you can to get her to like you. You don't know her."

"And you do?" I asked, matching his stance.

"A heck of a lot better than you do," he said.

"Then how could you tell her that she needs to remember who took her in when she had nobody?" I asked. Emmett shifted his eyes away as everyone turned and looked at him. "Do you know how much that hurt her? Have you thought for a second how much you are hurting her, Emmett? Of course you didn't because you didn't see the pain in her eyes when you said that or when you left without saying anything else to her. She has done nothing but try to make everyone happy but you have to be a jerk to her."

"Emmett?" asked Esme. "Is that true?"

"I didn't mean it the way it sounded," he muttered.

"Of course you didn't," I snorted, shaking my head. I took a deep breath and looked around at everyone. "Not a one of you have thought for a second about what you are doing to Bella. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, you keep telling her to be nice to the Swans, but at what cost? She feels like she has to pick sides. Emmett and Jasper, you make her feel guilty for even thinking of trying to be friends with Garrett and Angela, much less being with me. Why is it ok for you two to be with Rose and Alice but Bella can't like me? Hypocrite much?"

I turned to Charlie and Renee next. "I know what you've through, but you were wrong when you went about this like you did. Instead of sitting down with Mr. and Mrs. Cullen and telling them that you thought Bella was your daughter, you had them treated like criminals. All of them, including Bella. Instead of giving her time to deal with fourteen years of anger that she has had bottled up inside of her, you've been in her face, begging her to be your daughter. She can't. She's not Isabella Swan anymore, she's Bella Cullen and that will never change."

Next I turned to Garrett. "Dude, you know that I understand how you feel right?"

"Yeah," muttered Garrett.

"Give her some time, man. She needs some time," I said.

"I know," he muttered, looking up at me. "I'm trying but what would you do if it were Elli?"

I ran my hands through my hair as I looked around at everyone again. "You can stand here and argue all you want but I am going to go look for Bella."

I turned and ran out of the school, leaving them all standing there gaping at me. I jumped into my car and tore out of the parking lot. I had no clue where Bella would go. There were so many places for her to go, down to La Push, First Beach, numerous trails that led into the woods but Bella wouldn't know about any of those yet, would she?

After driving through town and not finding her, I pulled onto the highway that led toward La Push, thinking that maybe she might have decided to head that way. I was about five minutes outside of town when I saw her jeep on the side of the road. I slammed on my brakes, pulling up behind it. I climbed out of my car and ran over to it. The driver's side door was wide open and the engine was still on. I turned it off, pocketed the keys, and took off through the trees.

"BELLA!" I yelled, looking around as I ran. "BELLA CULLEN!"

I ran as hard as I could, looking for her in every direction that I could. The rain was falling heavily and the wind had started to pick up, causing the air to turn colder than it already was. I jumped over a log when I heard Bella scream, "STOP!"

I ran harder, pushing past the last few trees and felt my heart thump against my ribcage. Bella, my beautiful Bella, was standing on the edge of the cliffs, looking down as the waves violently slammed against the razor sharp rocks at the bottom.

"No more pain. No more guilt. No more sides to pick from. They could just go on with their lives. They didn't need me anymore. Emmett and Jasper had proven that they didn't give a shit anymore." Bella was muttering under her breath. "Just one little step and I could fly."

"Bella, stop," I said, reaching for her.

"No more pain, no more anything," Bella said, ignoring me. "Just one more step."

"Bella, baby, come here," I begged. Bella turned around but it was like she wasn't seeing me standing here in front of her. "Come on."

"No more crying," Bella cried, shaking my head.

"Bella Cullen," I said, reaching out for her again. "Don't leave me."

"No more guilt for hurting everyone," Bella cried.

"This will hurt them more," I said, pushing my hand out even more. "This would kill them all. You can't do that."

"They killed me," Bella sobbed. "They threw rocks at me and killed me. I can't do this anymore. The pain is killing me."

"I'll help you," I said, stepping closer to her. "Baby, please, let me help you."

"You can't," she cried. "Nobody can."

"I can," I insisted. "I swear on everything I have that I will help you but you have to take my hand."

"Edward," Bella cried, wrapping her arms around her body.

"Bella Cullen, take my hand," I pleaded with her. "Don't leave me, too."

Bella's eyes fluttered to a close as she reached out to me. Her hands was almost in mine when her feet slipped off the edge. One moment she was standing in front of me and in the next, she gone. I dropped to my knees as every breath in my body, left me.

"BELLA!" I screamed, scrambling to the edge.

"EDWARD!" screamed Bella. I looked over the edge and found her hanging onto a large root that had started to break through the side of the cliff. "HELP ME, PLEASE HELP ME!"

"I'VE GOT YOU, BABY," I shouted. I reached down for her but she was just out of my reach. "Baby, give me your hand."

"I can't let go," she cried. Her knuckles were white from trying to hold onto the root as tightly as she could. "HELP ME!"

"Give me your hand," I cried, sliding a little further over the edge to get to her but she was still out of reach. "Baby, please, take my hand."

"Edward, don't let me fall," she sobbed. "Please, don't let me fall."

"I'm not going to let you fall, baby, but you have to take my hand," I said, crying with her. "Come on, you can do it."

Bella left of the root with one hand and flung it up to me but she missed and turned on the root, flopping onto the side of the cliff. "I'm slipping!" she cried.

"Bella Cullen," I snapped. She looked up at me. "Give me your fucking hand."

Bella slung her hand up one more time. Her fingers hit the palm of my hand and I quickly tightened my fingers around hers. I pulled as hard as I could, while scooting back away from the cliffs. Her hand was icy cold and wet, causing her to hand to slip in mine. I threw my other hand down, gripping her hand in both of mine. I pulled as hard as I could, harder than I thought I could, and pulled her back over the side of the cliff.

Bella collapsed in my arms, clinging onto me as tightly as she could as she cried. For several minutes, we stayed there wrapped in each other's arms and let the rain pour down on us, mixing with the tears that were falling down both our faces. I reached up and pulled her back, stroking her face in my hands. She had a gash on the side of her head and several scraps along her jaw and cheek from where she hit the side of the cliff.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I asked. "You can't leave me, Bella."

"I don't know," she muttered, shifting her eyes down. "I'm just so tired, Edward, and I…"

Bella trailed off as she started crying harder. I sighed as I pulled her into my chest again. "Come on, let's get you to the hospital."

"I don't want to go," she cried, sliding her arms around my body.

"Baby, you cut your head and we have to make sure you don't need stitches," I murmured. "I'm not leaving you."

"Do you promise?" she sobbed, burying her head into my neck.

"I promise," I whispered, pressing my lips to the side of her head.

I stood up with Bella in my arms. She wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck as I carried her through the woods. I'm not sure how I managed to get back to my car without dropping her but I did. I set her in the passenger seat of my car and tucked her legs inside. She brought her hand up, stroking my cheek gently. I turned and pressed my lips to her hands, feeling her scraps and bumps.

I closed the door behind her and ran around to the drivers side of the car and climbed in. I pulled my car back onto the road and headed back into town, slipping her hand back into mine. I needed to feel her as much as she needed to feel me holding onto her. As I drove us back into town, Bella closed her eyes.

"Bella, baby, wake up," I said, pulling on her hand. She snapped her eyes open and looked over at me. "You can't sleep right now."

"I'm so tired," she muttered, letting her eyes close.

"Bella Cullen, look at me," I ordered. She opened her eyes again and looked at me. "You can't sleep. You might have a concussion."

"Why are you so nice to me?" she asked, pulling her hand from mine only to bring it up to my face. Her fingers were still as cold as ice. I pulled them back into my hand but brought our hands to my lips, trying to warm them up.

"I told you, you're my girl," I said.

"Why do you want me when all I do is fuck everything up?" she whispered as she looked out the window.

"You haven't done anything," I murmured, pulling up into the emergency room.

I parked my car just outside of the entrance and ran around to Bella's side. I threw open the door and lifted her out of the car. "I can walk," she said, laying her head on my chest.

"I like having you in my arms," I said, softly.

"I like being in your arms," whispered Bella.

I kicked my car door shut and carried her inside. One of the nurses gasped when they saw me carrying her in. She led us into an exam room, pulling the curtain around to block us from everyone's view. When I tried to lay Bella down on the table, she clung to me and whimpered. I sighed as I sat down on the edge and held her in my lap.

"What in the world happened?" asked the nurse, taking Bella's vitals.

"She fell," I muttered. "She hit her head."

"I can see that," sighed the nurse. "She's freezing. I'm going to get her a warm blanket."

The nurse turned and walked out of the room, leaving me and Bella sitting there. Our clothes were still soaked to the bone but I felt warm with her in my arms. A moment later, the nurse came back in and wrapped a couple of blankets around us. She finished her assessment and went to get the doctor. Bella brought her hand up and fisted my shirt in her hand as tight as she could. She never said anything as we waited and if it wasn't for the occasional sob that left her lips, I would have thought she had fallen asleep.

A few minutes later, the door to Bella's room opened and the doctor came in. He was a young man with dark jet black hair and black eyes. He had deep russet skin and a friendly smile on his face as he pulled his chair over and sat down in front of us.

"Miss Cullen, I'm Dr. Sam Uley," he said, quietly. "I understand you fell and hit your head."

"Yes," muttered Bella.

"Can you tell me how you fell?" asked Sam.

"The cliff was wet, slippery," whispered Bella, peeking at him from over her shoulder. "I don't know really."

"Did you jump?" he asked.

"No," she insisted, sitting up. "I…needed to think…to…I don't know, just…breathe for a minute without everyone on me all the time. I went to take Edward's hand when my foot slipped off the edge."

"I've heard about what's been going on with you and your family," sighed Sam, crossing his legs at the knee.

"Of course you have," muttered Bella, darkly. "Who hasn't in this town?"

"Well, let me take a look at your head," said Sam, standing up.

Bella tensed up as Sam pulled on a pair of latex gloves and came over to us. He gently pushed her hair out of her face and checked over the cut on her forehead. It had stopped bleeding but still looked pretty nasty, as did the scraps on her face and hands.

"I don't think you are going to need any stitches," he said, cleaning the wounds. "I am going to cover it, just to watch it for infection. You might have a headache for the next few hours but you should be ok."

"Yeah, just dandy," she muttered.

"I called your parents," said Sam, attaching the gauze.

"Which ones," Bella spat, quietly.

"All of them," sighed Sam. Bella looked up at him. "They are very worried about you."

"I'm sure," she muttered, darkly.

"Well, I'm done here," said Sam, pulling off his gloves and tossing them in the trash. He leaned up against the counter as he looked over at her. "It's going to be ok, Bella."

"So everyone says," muttered Bella.

"I had better go see if your parents are here," mumbled Sam, before walking out of the room. Bella laid her head back onto my shoulder.

"Edward?" she whispered.

"What?" I asked.

"Don't let me fall," she whispered.

"I won't," I murmured. "I promise you, Bella Cullen."


	17. Chapter 17

**CPOV**

I stood there, watching Edward run out of the school. Part of me wanted to kick his scrawny little ass for talking to me and Esme like that. However, the other part of me, the part I didn't want to listen to, was telling me that he was right. We were pushing her too hard, too fast, asking too much. We were doing almost as much damage to her as the Swan's were. Fucking little prick thought he knew everything.

"Emmett Cullen," snapped Esme, rounding on our son. I looked over at her and saw the glare that only came when a mother was protecting her young, even if she was protecting them from each other. "Don't think for a minute that we aren't going to deal with you and what you said to your sister."

"Yes, ma'am," muttered Emmett, looking at the floor.

"Same thing goes for you, Jasper," snapped Esme, looking at him. Jasper simply nodded his head in agreement.

"We need to go look for Bella," I said, placing my hands on my hips. I looked back at my sons, ignoring the Swan's as much as I could. "Do either of you know where she would go?"

"No," said Jasper, while Emmett shook his head.

"She doesn't know the town very well," murmured Emmett. "She could be anywhere."

"Ok, I think it'd be best if we split up and started looking everywhere," said Charlie.

"It would have been best if you would have left us the hell alone," I snapped. "Maybe you should deal with your other kids instead of worrying about the one you let go."

I placed my hand on Esme's back and led her out of the school with Emmett and Jasper following us. I wasn't sure where to start. I had barely seen much of this town other than our neighborhood and the hospital. Well, except for the lovely police station. Just another thing I can thank Charlie and Renee Swan for.

"Ok, you boys take the west side of town and we will the east side," I said, looking back at them. "We both have our cell phones on us so call if you find her."

"Bella took the jeep," muttered Emmett, looking out at the parking lot. I tossed my keys to him.

"Take my car and I will ride with your mom," I said, looking away from him.

Emmett simply nodded his head and headed over to where my car was parked. Jasper opened his mouth to say something but seemed to think better of it and followed his brother. Esme slipped her keys into my hand and walked toward her car, leaving me just standing there. I sighed inwardly as I followed her. Would our life ever be the way it used to be?

Esme and I started driving through the east side of town, looking for any sign of Bella or the jeep. Every once in a while I would hear my wife whimper softly and I knew she was crying. I placed my hand on top of hers but I wasn't sure what to say to her. I wanted to blame Charlie and Renee for all of this but I couldn't. They didn't ask for that junkie to carjack Renee and take off with my daughter. Although, I didn't understand how they could just accept that she was dead. How did they not feel that she was still alive, out there hurting without them? What made them think that after fourteen years, they could just come in here and play mom and dad to my daughter? Did they just not understand that she wasn't their's anymore?

"Goddamn it," I yelled, slamming my hand onto the steering wheel. Esme snapped her head over to me. "Why now? Why did they have to come back now?"

"I don't know," she muttered, shaking her head. "I thought I was helping Bella by telling her to give them a chance. She needs to know where she came from, what parts she got from them but…." she trailed off as she shook her head. "I don't want to lose her, Carlisle. From the moment she stepped into our house, I've loved her as my own. She is my own."

"We won't," I said. "She's our daughter and she can't be taken from us."

"Trying to convince me or yourself?" she asked.

"Both of us," I answered honestly.

Esme looked back out the window as I turned down yet another street. Neither Bella nor the jeep were anywhere to be found. Had I made a mistake by bringing my family here? I just wanted us to get some time together before they left for college. They were growing up so fast and I often felt like I was missing it while we lived in LA. Long hours in the ER, being called away in the middle of the night. Sometimes, it might have been two or even three days before I saw them.

They never acted like it bothered them, even if it did. Esme would always leave me dinner warming in the oven. Usually there was a note from her or Bella telling me that they loved me. Occasionally, they would even come down to the hospital and the five of us would eat dinner together in the cafeteria. I missed my family and thought this was going to be a new start, a fresh start but all it's done was hurt us. I just didn't know what to do anymore. My children were hurting and I didn't know how to help them. It was the most helpless feeling a parent could ever have.

My cell phone started ringing and I dug it out of my pocket, praying that it was Bella or one of the boys but it wasn't. The ID said that it was the hospital. I was going to ignore it but then I thought, what if it was Bella? I flipped my phone open and brought it to my ear.

"This is Dr. Cullen," I said.

"Dr. Cullen, this is Dr. Sam Uley, from the ER," he said. "I have your daughter, Bella, in here."

"Oh my god, is she ok?" I asked, flipping a u-turn in the middle of the road.

"Carlisle!" screeched Esme, clutching onto the hand grip on the ceiling of the car.

"Call the boys and tell them to meet us at the hospital," I said, quickly.

"THE HOSPITAL!" screamed Esme. "IS SHE OK?"

"I don't know," I snapped, tightening my grip on the phone. "Just call the boys."

"Dr. Cullen, Bella is fine," said Sam. I let out a sigh of relief. "Well, she's almost fine. She apparently fell and hit her head. She had a cut on her forehead and some scraps on her face and hands."

"How'd she fall?" I asked. Esme's eyes widened as she looked over at me.

"That's something you are going to need to discuss with her, I'm afraid," said Sam. "Edward Masen is with her right now and she's ok but-"

"We'll be right there," I snarled, closing my phone and dropping it into my lap.

I heard Esme on her phone, telling the boys to met us there. After she was done, she closed her phone and dropped it into her purse, not uttering a word to me. I knew she was just as scared as I was. What the hell had caused her to fall and where was she when she fell? Why was Edward Masen always there?

I parked my car in the parking lot and climbed out of the car. Esme and I ran into the emergency room and headed straight back. Charlie and Renee were already there along with Emmett, Jasper, Garrett, and Angela. How in the hell did they get here before us? Then I looked over at Sam, who had his hand on Charlie's shoulder. Of course, typical little town. I'm sure they called the Swan's before us, nothing like picking sides.

"Where is she?" demanded Esme.

"She's in there," said Sam, gesturing to the room behind us. "Now, as I was explaining to Charlie-"

"You don't need to be explaining anything to him," I snapped. "I am her father, not him."

"Dr. Cullen-" started Sam.

"You call yourself her father yet you can't take care of her," muttered Renee. I turned and glared at her.

"I wasn't the one who lost her fourteen years ago, was I?" I growled. She flinched back and I almost felt sorry for her. Almost but not quite. "Seems to me if you all had just thought before you started all this shit, she wouldn't be in here in the first place."

"Maybe if your boy over there hadn't been such a little prick and let her be friends with Garrett in the first place then she wouldn't be feeling like she had to pick," said Charlie, harshly. "Garrett is her brother and he just wants a chance to get to know her."

"Dad-" started Garrett.

"You may be right about that," I said, interrupting Garrett. "But it doesn't help that instead of giving her time to deal with your…sudden reappearance in her life, that you have pushed yourselves on her. Do you think that is helping?"

"None of this is helping," yelled Sam. We all looked over at him. He took a deep breath as he looked at all of us. "All this fighting and bickering is tearing her apart and none of you can see that. Think about her for a change instead of the guilt or fear you feel."

The door behind him opened causing us to look over as Bella and Edward stepped out. He had his arm wrapped around her waist and I wanted to rip his fucking arm off for touching her but then I looked at her face and my heart broke. She had a long, angry looking cut on her forehead that had three butterfly strips on it. Her right cheek and her chin had several scraps on them but that wasn't what caught my attention. It was the scared, lost look in her eyes. The pain that filled her face. I hadn't seen that look on her face since she three years old, begging Esme and I to find her mommy and daddy.

"Bella, sweetheart," said Esme, reaching for her. Bella stepped back from her and shook her head as she looked up at Edward.

"I want to leave," Bella whispered. "Please. I can't…do this right now."

"Um, sure," he muttered, clearing his throat. He looked right at me. "I promised not to let her go, sir."

"We will take her home," insisted Esme, reaching for her again and, once again, Bella pulled back, whimpering.

"No," I said, pulling my wife back. I could feel the tears building in my eyes as I looked back at Edward. "I'm trusting you with my daughter, Edward."

"I know, sir," he said, quietly. "She just needs to sleep. She's tired and she can't do this right now."

"Ok," I muttered, nodding my head. "We'll see her tomorrow."

Edward nodded his head as he tugged Bella into his chest and pulled her away from all of us. I heard her crying as they walked down the hall and it took all my control not to scoop her up in my arms but she needed him right now. We had other things to deal with right now.

"No, Carlisle," cried Esme, turning to me. "You can't let her go."

"Look in her eyes, Esme," I said, pointing to her as my tears fell. "Recognize the pain in her eyes because I do. It's the same look she had when she came to us."

"Dad," said Emmett. "You can't let her go with…him."

"Emmett, you should close your mouth," I said, firmly. "I think you've done enough."

"Look, I don't want to tell you what to do," said Sam, " and I don't really have time to referee another round of who can screw that girl up more so I am just going to get to the point. You all need to sit down together and figure out what is best for Bella. All this fighting and arguing is just tearing her apart. You need to find her a therapist to talk to and help her. You all claim to love her? Well, prove it. Put her first," he said, looking between us all before he turned and walked away.

"He's right," I muttered, running my hands over my face. I looked over at Charlie and Rene. "We need to talk."

"Ok," agreed Charlie. "When?"

"Now seems to be as good as time as any," I sighed, shaking my head. "Why…why don't we head over to our house and we can talk privately."

"We'll follow you," muttered Charlie.

I slipped my arm around Esme and pulled her out of the hospital. She turned into me and started sobbing and my heart broke all over again. My family was falling apart and I had no clue on how to help them. I had never felt so helpless before in my life.

CHPOV

Renee and I climbed into the car after telling Garrett and Angela to go back home. Angela merely grunted out an ok and stormed over to Garrett's car. I wasn't sure what to say to her anymore. She was angry all the time and nothing we said or did helped. Garrett just turned and followed her. Everything was all…fucked up. All we wanted was a chance to get to know our daughter. It's not like we asked for her to be stolen away from us.

A few minutes later, I pulled my car up behind Carlisle, Esme, and their boys. The four of them stalked into the large white house and I shared a look with Renee. This was going to be a long afternoon. We climbed out of the car and headed up to the porch. They had left he front door open so we walked in and I shut it behind us.

"Emmett, Jasper, go up to your rooms," said Carlisle. "We will be dealing with you later. Let me just say, that I am sorely disappointed in both of you."

Emmett and Jasper nodded their heads and looked over at my wife and I before turning and heading upstairs. "Have a seat," muttered Esme, gesturing to the couch. "I'm going to make some coffee. Would you like some?"

"Yes, thank you," mumbled Renee. "Can I help you?"

"No," snorted Esme, turning and walking out of the room.

Renee frowned as we headed over and sat down on one of the two burgundy couches. I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her as close as I could. After she had been attacked and we were told that Isabella was dead, I vowed that I was going to make sure my wife always knew how much I loved and needed her. How much the kids and I needed her. The road hadn't been easy but we made it through. Or at least I thought we had. Maybe I'm just a fool.

"I wasn't sure if either of you wanted cream or sugar so I just brought it out here," said Esme, setting the silver tray on the coffee table.

"Thank you, but we like our coffee black," I murmured, accepting the cup she was offering me.

"Like I said, I didn't know," she muttered, handling Renee a cup.

Once she and Carlisle had theirs, with cream and two sugars. They sat down on the other couch and looked at us. I wasn't sure what to say or how to start this talk off. There were so many things I wanted to ask them but I wasn't sure they would tell me. As much as it hurt to admit this, they did know Isabella better than we did. I shook my head, she wasn't Isabella anymore.

"When did she start going by Bella?" I asked.

"She was around seven," said Carlisle. "She said had just seen Beauty and the Beast and insisted that we call her Bella. Took us awhile to get used it but now, she's just Bella."

"I see," I murmured, nodding my head. "It fits her."

"How could you think she was dead?" asked Esme, setting her coffee on the table. "She was your daughter and you just took some police officer's word that she was dead."

"No, we didn't," sighed Renee, placing her cup down. "We have spent every day of the last fourteen years, praying that God would bring her back to us. Everyone told us that we needed to move on for Garrett and Angela and we tried. Lord, knows we tried but we couldn't. They told us we were crazy for not giving up but how could we?" asked Renee, shaking her head. "Isa…Bella was never dead to us."

"That's bullshit," muttered Carlisle. "You gave up on finding her."

"No, we didn't," I argued. "Every week we called the detectives in Arizona who were handling her case to see what information they had. They started avoiding our phone calls. They were out on a case or in a meeting. Like we didn't know that is what they were doing. We pleaded with the FBI to take over her case but after they looked over the files from the Phoenix Police Department, they told us that she most likely had been murdered and dumped. They…" I trailed off as my eyes filled up with tears. "They just sat there and said that…that some wild animal probably took off with her remains. Like that was supposed to make us feel better."

"I'm sure it didn't," said Esme. "But you have to understand where we are coming from. For months after Bella came to us, I would hold her while she cried herself to sleep every night, begging us to find you. Sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares and it would take both of us to calm her down enough so that she didn't hurt herself. Even though she would play with the boys, she hardly spoke to them for the first few months. To any of us actually. She would barely eat. She…" Esme shook her head as she wiped the tears off her face.

"Don't you think we wish we had been there for her?" asked Renee. "Don't you think that I know I should have done more to protect her?"

"Re," I whispered, pulling her closer to me.

"I should have been able to stop him from taking her," sobbed Renee. "I know it's my fault. I just want a second chance."

"It's not your fault, Renee," sighed Carlisle, shaking his head. "We never meant to make it seem like it was. If we did, we are sorry. It's just…you both came barging in here, staking your claim in our daughter. Do you have any idea how humiliating it was to be dragged down to the police station like that? To be asked if we abused our children? We love our kids more than our own lives and we would never do anything to purposely hurt them."

"That is not what we wanted to happen," I said, shaking my head. "We weren't sure how to handle everything. We called the detectives in Phoenix. At first they didn't believe us but we told them about the photo and they told us to head over to the police department here. When we got there, James and Laurent were waiting for us. We told them everything and showed them the picture from here and the ones we have of Isa…Bella," I explained. "They told us they were going to talk to you and see how Bella ended up here with you. We didn't know they were going to drag you down there like that."

"But they did," sighed Esme. "Carlisle and I could have handled that. It was humiliating but we could have dealt with it, but our children were treated like that, too. Why didn't you just come and ask us about her?"

"What were we supposed to say?" asked Renee. "Excuse us, you don't know us but we think your daughter is ours? For all we knew, you were abusing her."

"I suppose I see your point," muttered Esme. "After all, we've spent fourteen years thinking that you abandoned her outside of the hospital."

"We would never have done that," frowned Renee, wrapping her arms around her chest. "Ever."

"Ok, so we need to figure out what to do to help Bella because, honestly, I don't think she can take much more," said Carlisle, placing his arm on the back of the couch. Esme leaned into his embrace. It was clear they loved each other very much.

"I guess, as much as it hurts, we have to back off," I muttered, blinking back my tears. "We don't want to hurt her. We just wanted to get to know her but…"

"We do love her," cried Renee.

"We know you do but you have to let her come to you," sighed Esme. "Bella is very reserved. It takes her awhile to adjust to new things, new places and new people. I'm sorry, but you are new to her."

"I'll see about getting one of the other coaches to take my class with her," I muttered. "That way she won't feel like she has to talk to me or whatever."

"That would help," said Carlisle. "I'm going to see if I can find a therapist for her to talk to. Maybe we should all go. It might help her see that all we want is what's best for her."

"Ok, we can do that," murmured Renee, nodding her head. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," said Esme.

"When she came to you…" Renee trailed off as she shook her head. "She hadn't been…hurt, had she?"

"No," said Esme, quickly. "From what we were told, she was found outside of the hospital in LA. She was a little cold and tired. She was hungry but she didn't have a mark on her, anywhere."

"Thank God for that," whispered Renee. I cleared my throat as I stood up.

"We should get home," I said, quietly. "We'll talk to Garrett and Angela about leaving her alone."

"We are going to make sure that Emmett and Jasper stop giving her so much trouble, as well," said Carlisle, standing up. "I think it's just best to let Bella decide what she wants and stop trying to push her one way or the other."

"Right," I muttered. "Look, we're really sorry for how all this came about. We didn't mean to cause so much trouble. You seem like nice people and good parents."

"I don't think any of us handled any of this very well," sighed Esme, standing up next to her husband. Renee stood up and placed her hand in mine.

"Maybe, we could have lunch or something sometime," she suggested. "We could get to know you better and you could get to know us and see that we aren't who you think we are."

"Maybe," muttered Esme.

"For what it's worth," I said, looking between them. "She's a great girl. You've done good with her."

"She really is," whispered Carlisle, nodding his head.

Renee and I headed back out to our car and climbed in. She looked out the window as I pulled out of the driveway and headed back to the house. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. This was not what we wanted. We didn't want to hurt her but we had. I could only hope that one day, she would give us the chance to know her.


	18. Chapter 18

**BPOV**

I woke up the next morning when I was hit by the smell of bacon wafting through the house. It took me a minute to realize that I wasn't at home. I sprang up in the bed and looked around. I wasn't in my room. That's when I remembered leaving the hospital with Edward but I don't remember anything after getting into his car with him.

I scooted to the edge of the bed and looked around the room. He had a very boyish room. His walls were painted a dark grayish/blue and he had nearly every inch of them covered in music labels, posters of his favorite bands and sports teams. He had a laptop sitting on top of his desk with a stack of magazines around them. His book shelf was overflowing with CD's and vinyl records.

I climbed off the bed and went over to his shelf. He had a huge collection of classical music. Everyone from Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin, Debussy, and Bach. Next to them, he had The Rolling Stones, Beastie Boys, Pink Floyd, and at least a dozen other of my favorite bands. I pulled off a CD of Eric Clapton's greatest hits and put it into Edward's CD player. As 'Tears In Heaven' started pouring out of his speakers, I slid to the floor and leaned back against Edward's book shelf. I closed my eyes and pulled my knees up to my chest, losing myself in the music.

While Edward was holding me in his arms inside my hospital room, everyone else who supposedly cared about me was outside arguing about who was causing me the most trouble. Edward and I, of course, heard every word they said. Like it helped to place blame on each other. They were all pushing me to be a certain way. I didn't want to hurt any of them but it seemed like no matter what I did, someone was going to get hurt.

"Bella, what are you doing on the floor?" asked Edward, coming into his room. I laid my head on my knees as I looked at him.

"Listening to Eric Clapton," I murmured. Edward came over and sat on the floor next to me. "You have some great music."

"Thanks," he said, slipping his hand into mine. "Did you sleep ok?"

"I guess," I sighed. "I don't really feel rested but I don't remember waking up last night, either."

"You were pretty out of it when we got home last night," said Edward. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really," I muttered. "Were your parents pissed about you bringing me here?"

"No, why would they be?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Bringing your crazy girlfriend home is not usually something that parents approve of," I whispered.

"Bella Cullen, you are not crazy," he murmured.

"I feel crazy," I whispered.

"I think you are just tired," he smiled. "Come eat. I made bacon, eggs, and waffles."

"You cooked?" I asked, lifting my head off my knees.

"Yes," he laughed. "And it's all really good but you aren't going to know that until you come try some."

"Not sure I'm ready to meet your parents, Edward," I muttered, laying my head back down on my knees.

"Ok," he smiled. "Will you eat if I bring you a plate in here? You didn't eat lunch or dinner yesterday."

"I'll try," I said, softly.

"Ok, I'll go get you some food," he murmured.

"Can I take a shower?" I asked. "I feel… I don't know, gross."

"Of course you can. There are some towels under the sink and," he said, moving over to his dresser and grabbing some sweat pants and a t-shirt, "you can wear these."

"You don't have to let me wear your clothes," I muttered, standing up.

"I can't let you wear those dirty clothes, can I?" he asked. "Just wear them, ok?"

I nodded. "Good," he sighed, clearly relieved.

Edward kissed my cheek before he walked out of his room, pulling the door shut behind him. I picked up the clothes off his bed and headed into the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and laid the clothes on the vanity. I started the water and let it start warming up before I pulled out a towel from under the sink. My body ached as I started stripping off the clothes I had been wearing going on two days. I looked up in the mirror and grimaced. I looked like shit.

The scrapes on my cheek and chin were red and ugly. The cut on my forehead was even redder than the scrapes. My eyes hung heavily, with purple bags under them. I looked down over my body and noticed bruises on my side from where I had hit the cliff when I fell. I turned from the mirror, trying not to think about how close I came to dying. How close I came to ending it all myself. How did I get to the point that the thought killing myself even crossed my mind?

I stepped into the shower and winced as the hot water hit my sore muscles and bruises. As I brought my hands up to run through my matted and tangled hair, I noticed the scratches on the palm of my hands and on my knuckles from where I clutched onto the root that kept me from falling into the icy cold water below. A shudder ran through my body.

I quickly finished my shower, borrowing some shampoo and body wash from Edward. I turned off the water and grabbed the towel and started drying my body. There was a wicker hamper behind the door so I tossed the towel in there and started pulling on Edward's clothes. My face turned bright red when I found the pair of black boxer briefs he had snuck in for me to put on. I tried not to think about the fact that I was wearing his underwear as I pulled on the black sweatpants and grey t-shirt that were both way too big. I had to roll the waist band on the pants down several times. After I ran my fingers through my hair and picked up my dirty clothes, I headed back out into Edward's room. He was sitting on the side of his bed with a plate of food in one hand and a glass of orange juice in the other.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"Cleaner," I said, dropping my clothes on the floor. I climbed onto the bed next to him and tucked my legs under me. "It smells good."

"Tastes pretty good, too," he bragged, handing me the plate. He set the orange juice down on the table and stood up. "I have to go to school. Are you staying here?"

"Is that ok?" I asked, quietly.

"Of course it is," he said. "I just didn't think you wanted to go to school and I wasn't sure you were ready to go home yet."

"Not really," I muttered, darkly. "Are your parents going to be here?"

"My mom will be," he said, moving over to his dresser. "Is that ok?"

"Of course it is," I whispered as he pulled out some jeans, a black t-shirt, and his own boxers. I don't think he realized I saw that part. I popped some bacon into my mouth. "Hmm, this is good."

"Told you," he smirked, looking back at me. I blushed and smiled. "You can hang in here all day if you want but my mom isn't going to hurt you, Bella. She's actually really worried about you."

"Yeah, right," I muttered, shaking my head.

"I had to stop her from coming in here at least five times this morning alone," said Edward, sitting back down on the bed. He picked up my fork and scooped up some eggs. "Eat."

I kept my eyes locked on his as I wrapped my lips around the forks. It might have just been my imagination but it looked like Edward's eyes darkened. He dropped the fork back onto my plate and stood up, quickly.

"I'm going to take a shower," he muttered, walking toward the bathroom with his clothes clutched to his body.

A minute later, I heard the shower turn on and my face heated up as I thought about Edward being naked on the other side of that door. I tried to focus on the food sitting on my plate as he showered but it wasn't working. All I could focus on was the sound of the water and the knowledge that my boyfriend, was on the other side of the door, butt ass naked.

The shower shut off in the bathroom and I started shoveling food down as fast I could. It felt like only seconds had gone by when the door to the bathroom opened. I told myself not to look but I found my eyes traveling over as Edward stepped out of the bathroom. He was dressed, thank goodness, but I could still imagine what he had to look like without those clothes on.

"Are you ok?" he asked. Inwardly, I shook my head.

"What?" I asked, dumbly.

"You're really red in the face," he said, smiling. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," I lied, blushing even more. Stupid, fucking blush.

"Nothing, huh?" he asked. "Ok, I've gotta go. Are you sure you are going to be ok?"

"Just dandy," I said, giving him my best smile. "Don't let them give you a hard time, ok?"

"I won't," he said, moving over and squatting down in front of me. He reached up and pushed a wet strand of hair out of my face. "I'm just a phone call away, if you need me."

"Ok," I whispered.

Edward leaned up and gently kissed me on the lips. I sighed breathlessly as he pulled away from my lips. He had no clue what his kisses did to me. He sighed as he stood up and walked out of his room, pulling the door shut behind him. I curled up on his pillows, pulling the blanket up. As I heard Edward's car pull away from the house, my eyes landed on a pictures sitting on the nightstand.

I reached out and pulled the picture of Edward and his little sister, Elliana, off the table. Edward was standing on the porch with Elliana on his back. She had her tiny arms wrapped around his neck and a huge smile on her face. She had the same auburn hair and deep green eyes that Edward had. Edward had his hand under her knees and was holding her up. He had an equally big smile on his face. They were obviously really close. A tear fell from my eye as I placed the picture back on the table.

I spent most of the morning going through Edward's music. He had great taste and had a few really rare records. Although, I did laugh when I found a copy of Justin Bieber tucked into the back behind a copy of Journey and Foreigner. I wasn't going to say anything, though. He had done enough for me without giving him shit over one really bad CD. As I was sitting on the floor, going through Edward's music collection, I would hear his mom coming up to his bedroom door. The sound of her chair rolling up and down the hallway always pulled me out of whatever dark place my mind was leading me. I knew I should go out there, be civil and all, but I couldn't meet her like this. Not with how fucked up I was right now.

My cell phone chimed, alerting me to a new message. I didn't even realize that it was sitting on Edward's desk until that moment. I crawled across the room and picked it up. I had a new text message from Emmett.

**B-You ok? I'm sorry. I was a prick. Call me, please?-Em**

I closed my phone without responding to his message. There were so many things that I wanted to say to him right now and none of them were nice. Emmett had never treated me like I wasn't his sister but when he told me that I needed to remember who took me in, I felt like such an outsider. It was the first time I could remember ever feeling like he didn't think of me as his sister and that hurt.

After a few hours of being locked up Edward's room, I started feeling claustrophobic. I had never been one who liked being held up in a room and it had felt like that was all I had done over the last couple of weeks. I scrambled off the floor and slowly opened the door. After making sure that Edward's mom wasn't right there, I slowly made down the hallway to the living room. It was a large open room with stylish furniture. My eyes locked on the beautiful, black grand piano that sat next to the large picture window. I moved over and sat down on the black bench and let my fingers run over the ivory keys. It was in perfect pitch.

"Do you play?" I wasn't expecting anyone so when I heard soft, gentle voice, I jumped. "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," I muttered, looking back at Edward's mother. She was sitting in the door way to the kitchen with a soft smile on her face. It was clear on where Edward got his auburn hair and green eyes. She was very beautiful. "I didn't mean to bother you."

"You didn't," she said, still smiling. "I'm Elizabeth Masen."

"Bella Cullen," I murmured.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Bella," she said, smiling even bigger. "Do you play?"

"No," I said, quietly. "I always wanted to learn the piano but I never got to. I play the guitar, though."

"Are you any good?" she asked. I shrugged my shoulders. "I bet you are. You have that look."

"What look?" I asked.

"The look of someone who puts all of themselves in whatever you do," she laughed. "My son has the same look."

"Oh," I murmured. I turned back to the piano and pushed down on a couple of the keys.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. I looked over my shoulder at her.

"No, but I can help you fix something for yourself, if you need me to," I offered.

"I'll be fine," she smiled, waving me off.

She turned her chair around and headed into the kitchen. I got up from the piano and went over and started looking at their wall of family pictures. Some of them were just of Edward and Elli while others had all four of them. While Edward may get his hair and eyes from his mother, he was the spitting image of his father, down to the crooked smile they both wore.

Were there parts of Charlie and Renee on me? I didn't see it but maybe I wasn't choosing not to. Maybe I was so adamant about being nothing like them that I wasn't really seeing anything. Maybe I was letting my own anger control me instead of controlling it. Great just more shit to think about.

"Hello."

I jumped and looked back behind me. Edward's father was standing about five feet behind me with a soft gentle smile on his face. What was with them scaring me?

"Are you ok?" he asked, stifling his laughter. "I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you heard me come in."

"I…" I trailed off as I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I was just looking at your pictures."

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, moving over and standing next to me. He pointed up a picture in the middle. "That's my favorite."

In the picture, Elizabeth was laying on the couch with a newborn baby cuddled to her chest. A small boy was laying with her and the baby. He had one hand one the baby's back and on hand under his cheek. Elizabeth's eyes were closed but she had a huge smile on her face.

"Elli was only about a month old in this picture. Elizabeth had been up all night with her because she had been colicky. I offered to walk the hallways with her so Elizabeth could sleep but she told me no, that I had to work the next day." He had a big smile on his face as he talked about his family. "When I got up, I went to get Edward up but he wasn't in his bed. I walked into the living room and found the three of them on the couch. I had to take the picture."

"It's sweet," I murmured, looking around at the other pictures. "You have a lot of great pictures."

"Ed, is that you?" hollered Elizabeth. The two of us turned as she was rolling herself out of the kitchen. She still had a huge smile on her face. "I see you've met Bella."

"Yes," smiled Ed. He went over and gave her a soft kiss. "Have you had lunch, darling?"

"I was just pulling the pasta salad out of the fridge," she said. "Are you hungry?"

"Always," he teased. She laughed and headed back into the kitchen. Ed looked up at me. "Are you coming?"

"Sure," I murmured.

Ed nodded his head and headed into the kitchen. I looked back at the wall of pictures one last time before following him into the kitchen. Elizabeth had her chair pulled up to the side of the table, right next to where Ed was sitting. I slid into one of the chairs on the other side as Ed dished them both out some cold pasta salad.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, looking up at me.

I shook my head. He nodded his head and placed the bowl on the table. As they started eating, I pulled my knees up to my chest and just watched them. They were talking about Ed's morning at work, but it felt like they were saying so much more. Every time they looked at each other, they had smiles on their faces and love radiated off of both them. They reminded me of Carlisle and Esme.

Ed looked over at me and smiled. "I'm sorry, we're being rude, aren't we?" he asked.

"No," I muttered, shaking my head quickly.

"Bella, what year are you in?" asked Ed.

"Junior," I responded.

"And your brothers are juniors as well?" asked Elizabeth. I looked down into my lap as I nodded my head. "It's nice that you are all in the same grade."

I wasn't sure what to say to her. It normally was nice but right now, I wasn't sure. I loved my brothers but I wasn't sure the feeling was mutual anymore. Just thinking about them made my heart hurt and brought tears to my eyes. I laid my head down on my knees so that I was looking away from Ed and Elizabeth Masen. They didn't need to see me falling apart.

I must have been crying much louder than I realized because a few seconds later I heard the sound of Elizabeth's chair being rolled over to me and her reaching out and placing her hands on top of mine. Her hands were soft and silky, just like Esme's were. That only made me cry harder because I loved my mom and I missed her.

"Shhh, Sweetheart, it's ok," she murmured.

"It's not ok," I cried. "No matter what I do, someone hurts."

"I know, honey," she whispered.

The doorbell to the house rang and I heard Ed mutter that he would get it. Elizabeth stayed with me, holding onto my hands and letting me cry. I heard the door open and the muted voices as Ed spoke to whoever was here. The door closed again and I heard Ed walk back into the kitchen. He cleared his throat and I looked up at him.

"Bella, your parents are here."


	19. Chapter 19

As I sat there in the kitchen, staring at Ed, I could feel the panic beginning to rise up inside of me. My chest tightened and I started having trouble bringing air into my lungs. My parents were here but which parents, Carlisle and Esme or Charlie and Renee? Did it really matter which parents were here anyway? I wasn't sure I was ready to face any of them. What were they going to want from me now?

"Bella, sweetheart, breathe," murmured Elizabeth, bringing her small, soft hand up to my face. I adverted my eyes from Ed and looked at the woman sitting in front of me. "You need to breathe before you pass out."

"Who?" I gasped, taking a deep breath. "Who's here?"

"I'm sorry, Bella. I meant, that Carlisle and Esme were here," said Ed. I looked back over at him. "I assumed you would know them as your parents."

"Oh," I muttered.

I pulled my face out of Elizabeth's hand as I slipped my feet off the edge of the chair. She rolled her wheelchair back and I stood up. The three of us, somehow closer in the few minutes we had spent in the kitchen, headed into the living room. Sure enough, there sitting on the sofa were my mom and dad. Carlisle and Esme looked up at me and frowned. I turned away as I felt my tears start building up in my eyes for at least the hundredth time today alone. They looked tired and worn out. I knew it was because of me but I just couldn't find the strength to do anything about it. I was dealing with my own wariness and exhaustion.

"Bella, honey, are you ok?" asked Carlisle. I looked back over at my father. He had stood up and was watching me. "Does your head hurt?"

"A little," I murmured, wrapping my arms around my body. He stepped toward me and I stepped back.

"I just want to check out your cut, honey," he said, putting his hands up. I felt horrible for reacting that way to my father. He had never done anything to hurt me, yet I was acting like he was going to.

"Ok," I whispered.

Carlisle took the few steps he needed to take so that he was standing in front of me. He gently pushed my hair out of my face and examined the cut on my forehead. I couldn't stop the tears from slipping down my face. My father brought his hands down and checked the scratches along my cheek and chin as well. Carlisle let his hands fall down onto my shoulders.

"Well, they seem ok," he whispered. I looked up at him. He had tears swimming in his blue eyes. "Sweetheart."

"I'm sorry, Daddy," I cried, wrapping my arms around him.

Carlisle's chest shook as he slipped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest and holding me as we cried together. His hand came up to the back of my head, cradling me against him like I was the most precious thing in the world to him. I felt Esme come over and wrap her arms around us, pressing her face into my hair.

For several minutes, the three of us stood there in the middle of the Masen's living room and cried together. Eventually, however, Esme pulled back just enough to look over to where Ed and Elizabeth waiting. I laid my head on my father's chest and looked at my mother as she tried to find the words to express herself. It was the first time I had ever seen Esme as a loss for words.

"Thank you," she said, simply. "Thank you for taking care of my daughter."

"Anytime," smiled Elizabeth. "Ed and I are going to give you three a few minutes alone so…"

"Can we get you any coffee? Tea? Water?" asked Ed, placing his hands on the back of Elizabeth's chair.

"No, thank you," murmured Carlisle.

Ed and Elizabeth smiled at the three of us before they headed into the kitchen. Carlisle, Esme, and I went over and settled down on the couch. I sat between my parents, with my knees pulled up and my arms wrapped around them. I still felt so vulnerable with them. Carlisle placed his arm on the back of the couch as he turned and faced me. Esme did the same, only in the other direction.

"Bella, can tell us what happened?" asked Carlisle. "How you ended up in the hospital?"

"I fell," I muttered, keeping my eyes locked on the floor.

"Where?" he asked.

"At these cliffs," I whispered. I heard them both take a deep, sharp breath.

"Why were you at those cliffs?" asked Esme, thickly. I shrugged my shoulders. "Bella, please, talk to us."

"I…I don't know," I murmured. "I was so tired and it hurt so much. I…just had to get out of there and find someplace where I could breathe again and…Before I knew it I was standing at these cliffs and I…don't know. I guess, I thought about everything and how much trouble I was causing…"

"Sweetheart, you aren't causing any trouble," said Esme, placing her hand on my back. I looked over at her as a tear slipped down my face. "You have done nothing but try to make everyone happy. We are the ones who have messed up and caused all the trouble, Bella, not you."

"I just want everything to go back to how it used to be," I muttered. "Em and Jas hate me. You and Daddy are hurting. I feel like a freak."

"Emmett and Jasper do not hate you, Bella," said Carlisle, causing me to look over at him. "They are just as scared as you are, as we are, that somehow we are going to lose you, but they do not hate you. Now, we've dealt with them and the way they have been treating you. When you are ready, you need to talk to them. As for your Mom and I hurting, we hurt when you hurt, baby girl. We always have."

"Do I have see them?" I asked. "The Swan's, I mean."

"Not until you are ready," he sighed. "Your mom and I have sat down with them and agreed that until you are ready to talk to them or see them, that they should back off. Charlie was going to try and arrange for someone else to take on your gym class so that you didn't have to deal with him as a teacher and they were going to talk to Garrett and Angela about giving you time to adjust."

"Oh," I muttered, laying my head on my knees. "That's good, I guess."

"Bella, honey, we think it would be good for you to start seeing a therapist," said Esme. I snapped my head up and looked at her.

"What?" I asked. "No."

"Honey, you need to start dealing with everything before it overwhelms you again," urged Esme.

I scrambled off the couch. "No," I cried. "I am not going to sit in front some guy and let them tell me that I am fucking a crazy person."

"They won't," insisted Carlisle, standing up. He reached for my arm but I stepped away. "Bella-"

"NO!" I screamed, turning and running out of the room. "THAT'S ALL I NEED IS ONE MORE PERSON JUDGING ME!"

I rushed into Edward's bedroom and shut the door behind me. My knees buckled and I fell to the floor. I crawled into the corner, pulling my knees up as I cried. Carlisle and Esme started knocking on the door, telling me to talk to them but I couldn't. I crawled across the room and flicked on Edward's stereo, letting the music drown them out. I curled myself up in a ball on the floor and cried myself to sleep.

Sometime later, I felt someone lifting me off the floor. My eyes fluttered open and I found myself face to face with Edward, my handsome Edward. The only problem was he wasn't smiling as he carried me over and laid me on the bed.

"Why were you sleeping on the floor?" he asked, climbing on next to me.

"I fell asleep there," I muttered, rolling up next to him and laying my head on his chest. I felt and heard him sigh as he brought his arm around my waist. "What time is it?"

"Just after four," he said. "My Mom told me that your parents came by."

"Yeah," I whispered.

"She said it didn't go very good," he murmured. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"They want me to go see a shrink," I sighed, looking up at him. I expected him to look surprised or even outraged at their request but he didn't. In fact, he looked almost relieved at their request. "You think I should, too, don't you?"

"I do," he admitted. I sat up and just stared at him. "Bella, just hear me out, ok?"

"Ok," I said. Edward sat up and leaned against his headboard.

"You've been holding onto all this anger for fourteen years, thinking that Charlie and Renee threw you away," he said, lacing his fingers in with mine. "Now, all the sudden, you find out that's not true. Everyone has been throwing crap at you, expecting you to just accept them or kick their asses to the curb but what nobody wants to see is that you still have fourteen years of anger built up inside of you. Now, you add everything else onto that anger. How do you get that out in a way that is safe and productive? You need to find someone who can help you deal with everything."

"You do that," I murmured. "You make me feel better."

"Bella Cullen, I don't know what the fuck I am talking about," he said. "All I'm doing is trying to be here when you need someone to hold you, to let you cry, or get you to smile. I can't help you deal with everything you are feeling. I know it's scary to think about going to a therapist, but if you find the right one, they will help you. They helped me and my parents a lot."

"What if they tell me that I need to see Charlie and Renee?" I asked, shaking my head. "I'm not sure I am ready for that."

"Then you tell them that you aren't ready for that," he smiled, pulling me over so that I was leaning against him. "Baby, you can't keep all of this bottled up inside anymore."

"I know," I whispered, laying my head against his chest. "I'll think about it."

"Good," he murmured.

As we laid on his bed, Edward started running his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes as I felt my body tingle. No matter how crappy I was feeling about everything, no matter just how bleak everything was, Edward could calm me down and make me feel so much better. How was it that this boy I've only know for a couple of weeks had this much of an effect on me?

"Did you fall back to sleep?" he asked, quietly.

"No," I murmured. "But I could. I'm still so tired."

"Did you eat lunch?" he asked. I sighed and looked up at him as I shook my head. "Bella, you have to eat."

"I wasn't hungry," I said.

"Well, I need to go start dinner," he said. "Come with me."

"Ok," I smiled.

Edward and I climbed off his bed and headed into the kitchen. Elizabeth had her chair pulled up to the table while she looked through a stack of photographs. She looked over at the two of us and smiled. I felt my face turn bright red and I ducked my head behind my hair.

"What sounds good for dinner, Mom?" asked Edward, pulling open the fridge. "We can have Chicken Alfredo, Hotdogs, Frito Pies."

"Um, Dad mentioned wanting Chicken Alfredo," smiled Elizabeth.

"Chicken Alfredo it is," chuckled Edward, pulling the package of chicken out of the fridge.

"Do you need help?" I asked. He smiled and looked over at me.

"Nope, I've got it all taken care of," he said, winking at me. "Just relax, ok?

I nodded my head and went over to the table, sitting down next to Elizabeth. She was looking through a stack of old baby pictures. I picked one up of Edward, I would know his eyes anywhere, and smiled. He was wearing nothing but a diaper and a superman t-shirt. His hair was sticking up in every direction. It looked like he was paddling across the floor with his arms up, trying to fly or something.

"Wasn't he cute?" asked Elizabeth.

"Yes," I smiled, looking over at her.

"Mom," groaned Edward, causing us to look at him. "Are you showing her pictures of me?"

"Yes, sir, I am," she smirked. "It's my job as your mother to make sure your girlfriend sees all the embarrassing pictures of you that she can."

"Mom," he muttered, turning bright red. I smiled as I ducked my head. She called me his girlfriend.

"No more whining, Edward Anthony," laughed Elizabeth.

"Fine," sighed Edward, turning back to the stove. "So embarrassing."

"Anyway, this is one of him and Ellie," said Elizabeth, handing me a picture. "She was only about one and he was three or so. They used to love to take baths together."

"Mother," groaned Edward. I laughed as I looked down at the picture of Edward and Elli in the bubble bath together.

"You were so cute, Edward," I smiled, looking over at him.

"Were?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. "I'm not cute anymore?"

"Not as cute as you were then," I murmured, blushing again.

"Just wait till we get to the ones of him dressed up for the Christmas pageant," said Elizabeth. "He looked so cute in his little suit."

Edward groaned again as his head fell forward. He muttered something under his breath about his mom being mean but she waved him off and started showing me more baby pictures of Edward and Elli together. As I sat there with her, looking at the pictures of Edward in his little black suit or his Superman underwear, I noticed that Elizabeth's smile grew as she talked about her kids. She loved them both. I couldn't imagine how hard it had been for her to lose her daughter and her legs in that accident. I may been going through a lot but at least I still had my mom and dad, the use of my legs, and now, Edward. Maybe my problems were nothing compared to the grief that she felt.

"This one is my favorite," mused Elizabeth, holding out the next photo to me. I took it in my hand and gazed down at it.

In the picture, Edward was sitting on the floor next to Elli's playpen. She was sitting up and had one hand on the mesh. He had one hand up and they were both smiling. I could see the resemblances in their smiles. I looked up at Elizabeth as I laid the photo on top of the others.

"Do you think they have pictures of me like this?" I asked. "The Swan's, I mean."

"I'm sure they do," she said, quietly. I nodded my head and brought my knees up to my chest.

"Do you think they still look at them?" I whispered.

"Yes," she murmured, placing her hand on top of mine. I looked up into her green eyes. "When you are ready, I'm sure they will show them to you."

I nodded my head again as I laid it down on my knees. "They gave up on me," I murmured. "Whether they left me in front of that hospital or not, they gave up on me and thought I was dead. I don't know understand how, if they loved me so much, they could think I was dead."

"I don't know, sweetheart," she said, quietly squeezing my hand. "That's something you need to talk to them about, when you are ready."

"I know," I whispered, through my tears. "I guess I'm just afraid of their answer."

Elizabeth didn't say anything else. Ed came in a few minutes later and I put the best smile on my face. He helped Edward finish dinner and they sat down next to me and Elizabeth. I managed to eat about half of my dinner and that was only because Edward kept leaning over and urging me to take one more bite. Ed insisted on doing the dishes so Edward and I headed down to his room to work on the homework he had brought for me. He turned on his stereo and we sat on his bed, doing the work together. Every time I looked up at him, he was watching me. I don't think my face was ever going to stop blushing.

"Edward, it's time for bed," said Ed, stepping into the doorway of his bedroom.

"Ok, Dad," smiled Edward, looking over at his father. "I'll be out there in a moment."

Ed nodded his head and looked over at me. "Goodnight, Bella. I hope you have a good nights sleep."

"Thank you, Mr. Masen," I murmured.

"Call me Ed, please," he insisted. I nodded my head in agreement. "Ok, night."

"Night," I murmured as he turned and walked away. I looked up at Edward. "Where are you going?"

"I'm sleeping on the couch," he smiled.

"I should sleep on the couch," I muttered.

"No way," he said, climbing off the bed. "My mother would beat my ass if I let you sleep on that couch."

"I like your mom and dad, Edward," I smiled. "They're very nice."

"I think so," he laughed. He moved over to his dresser and pulled out some pajama pants and two t-shirts. He tossed me one. "You can sleep in this, if you want."

"I want," I murmured.

Edward nodded his head and headed into the bathroom to change. He came back out a couple of minutes later and helped me load all our homework into our backpacks. He kissed me before he headed out to the living room. I changed into his shirt and climbed into his bed, pulling the blanket up under my chin and tried to go to sleep but I couldn't. There were too many shadows coming in through the windows and too many thoughts running through my head.

Just after midnight, I climbed out of Edward's bed and shuffled down the hallway to the living room. Edward was laying on his side, one arm strung up on the back of the couch. I went over and sat on the edge of the couch, placing my hand on his side. He woke with a start and looked up at me.

"Bella, what are you doing?" he asked, groggily.

"I couldn't sleep," I muttered. "Can I lay down with you?"

"Sure," he whispered, scooting back on the couch. I laid down in front of him and he pulled the blanket over us, wrapping his arm around my waist. "Better?"

"Yes," I whispered. "Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella Cullen," he murmured, pressing his face into my hair. "Sweet dreams."

As Edward held me in his arms, I drifted off to sleep. For the first night in more than a week, I didn't have a single nightmare with the Swan's in it. My dreams were all about Edward Masen.


	20. Chapter 20

"We should wake them," someone whispered, pulling me out of the most incredible dream I had ever had. Edward had been holding me as I slept, keeping me safe and letting me rest. Even though I was awake, I was afraid to open my eyes. Afraid of facing the world again.

"You do it," murmured a male voice. Was that…Ed?

"No way, you do it," whispered Elizabeth.

I snapped my eyes open and found Ed and Elizabeth about ten feet away from us, curious looks on their faces as they watched us. Edward didn't seem to hear his parents because he pulled me closer to him, pressing his hard on into my ass. I squeaked as I scrambled off the couch, falling to the floor before getting to my feet and running out of the room with tears pricking in the sides of my eyes.

I was a fucking idiot for going in there with him last night. They were going to hate me now and never let me be around their son again. I slid down onto the floor in the corner, bringing my knees up to my chest, and just tried to disappear. What the hell had I been thinking when I went into the living room last night? Sure, I had been scared in Edward's room, seeing all kinds of crazy shit on the walls, but did that mean I needed to go into the living room and cuddle with him? Where they going to think I was some kind of cheap, floozy whore?

"Bella? Why are you on the floor again?" asked Edward, pushing his bedroom door open. I looked away, too embarrassed to look at him. "Beelllaa Cuuullleennn…"

"They hate me now, don't they?" I cried. Edward sighed as he moved over and sat down next to me.

"No, they don't hate you and you really need to stop thinking that everyone hates you. Nobody hates you, Bella," said Edward. I looked over at him.

"Edward, your parents just found your crazy, overly dramatic girlfriend sleeping with you on their couch," I said, sniffing back my tears. Edward smiled and blushed around his ears. "Why are you smiling?"

"This is the second time you've called yourself my girlfriend," he murmured, looking down at his feet.

"Oh," I whispered, pulling on my bottom lip. "I just assumed. I'm sorry."

"No," he said, quickly looking up at me. "I mean, I don't mind. In fact, I really kind of like it. A lot."

"Oh," I whispered, again. This time blushing. "I kind of like it, too. A lot more than a lot."

"Good," he muttered, reaching over and taking my hand in his. "Then it's really official."

"Yeah," I smiled, looking up at him. "You promise they weren't mad, right?"

"I promise they weren't mad," he chuckled. "In fact, I am pretty sure my mom wants you to just move in. I'm starting to think she loves you more than she loves me."

"I do, my darling boy," laughed Elizabeth, rolling herself into Edward's room. She had a small black suitcase on her lap. "We girls have to stick together, right Bella?"

"Right," I murmured.

"Gee, that makes me feel better," snickered Edward.

"Anyway, Bella, your parents left this for you yesterday. They thought you might need a change of clothes and seeing as you are stuck wearing my son's, I guess they were right."

"Oh, um, thanks," I muttered, scrambling to my feet and taking the bag from her. She reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Anytime you need someone to talk to, I'm here, sweetheart," she said, just loud enough for me to hear. I was so shocked that I merely nodded my head. She let go of my hand and wheeled herself out of Edward's room. "Breakfast will be ready in half an hour, kids."

"Ok, Mom," said Edward. I looked over at him as he stood up. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," I murmured, nodding my head. "I'm just going to go shower…so…"

"Ok," he smiled.

I turned and walked into the bathroom, clutching my suitcase to my chest as I blushed yet again. This motherfucking blush was getting fucking old. Every time that boy looked in my direction, my face turned red and I felt like I was going to explode. I locked the door behind me and turned on the shower. I stripped off the clothes that Edward had let me borrow and stepped in under the hot water.

I was so nervous about going back to school today but I knew that I couldn't keep hiding. It was time for me to face the world, and my brothers. I would have preferred to spend the day locked back up in Edward's room, listening to his music, or sitting in the living room, talking to his mom or dad. Was everyone going to stare at me again? Once I had washed my hair and body, I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. Wrapping the towel around my body, I looked up at myself in the mirror. With the cut on my forehead and the scratches in my cheek and chin, everyone was sure to stare at me, whisper about me. Today was going to suck ass.

I turned from the mirror and dried off. Unzipping the suitcase, I found a couple pairs of panties, a clean bra, a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with a flaming guitar on the front. Carlisle and Esme bought it for me last year for my non-birthday. I missed them. Shaking my head, I quickly pulled them on and ran my brush through my hair, pulling it up into a messy ponytail on the back of my head. I headed back into Edward's room. He was sitting on the side of his bed, tying his shoes. He looked up at me and smiled. Naturally, I blushed. It was never ending.

"Are you ready to go get some breakfast?" asked Edward, clearing his throat as he stood up.

"They really aren't mad about me going into the living room?" I asked, quietly looking down at the floor. I could feel my nerves or fear already starting to build.

"Hey, look at me," murmured Edward, stepping over and pulling my chin up. His deep green eyes were full of nothing but reassurance. "Nobody is mad at you, Bella. Nobody hates you. Everyone is worried about you, and just want what is best for you. That's all."

"Do you promise you won't leave me?" I whispered.

"I will not leave you," he said, quietly as he dropped his hands down and laced his fingers in with mine. "Now, my mom is dying to feed you so please eat for her."

"I'll try," I smiled.

Edward's face lit up as he smiled. He let go of one of my hands but kept the other tightly in his. My feet felt heavy as I followed him out of his bedroom, down the hallway, and into the kitchen. Ed and Elizabeth were at the table, him sitting next to her. They both looked up and smiled at me before they looked down at mine and Edward's hands. That only caused their smiles to grow. I wanted to pull my hand from his but at the same time, I wanted to hold it forever because at least when I was holding his hand, I didn't feel like I was going to lose it.

"Good morning, Bella," said Ed, standing up. "Are you allowed to drink coffee yet?"

"Yes but I don't really like it," I said, sliding into the chair next to Edward. "Thank you, though."

"I shouldn't drink it the way I do," he sighed, pouring himself another cup. He came over and refilled Elizabeth's cup before sitting down. "It's a nasty habit."

"My Dad has quite the obsession with coffee," I muttered as Edward placed a plate of eggs, toast, and two pancakes in front of me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he whispered.

"Well, I bet Carlisle enjoys that fancy coffee you had in LA, doesn't he?" asked Ed. I looked over at him and smiled.

"Yes, he does," I said, quietly. "My Mom makes a special blend that he loves, too. She refuses to tell us her secret, though."

"Well, we women have to keep some things a secret," smiled Elizabeth, looking over at me. "Keeps all those men on their toes."

"I'll remember that," I murmured.

Edward chuckled softly next to me as he started eating his breakfast. I picked up my fork and tried to eat the food on my plate but my nerves were soaring and my stomach started to hurt after just a few bites. I wasn't sure what I was going to do at school with everyone watching me all day. It was annoying and creepy. There wasn't any reason for people to stare at me, but they still did. Frustrated, I pushed my plate away and pulled my knees up, trying my hardest to ignore the sad looks on Ed and Elizabeth's faces. I knew how pathetic I was without seeing it on their faces, too.

"Well, we should go," sighed Edward, standing up.

He grabbed both of our plates and took them over to the sink, dumping the left over food off my plate in the garbage and placing the dishes in the dishwasher. Esme would be jealous, seeing a neither of my brothers would do that for her. He moved over and kissed his mother on her cheek, whispering that he loved her. It was sweet to see how much he loved his mother and he wasn't ashamed to show it. Edward shook his father's hand and told them he would see them later. It was clear that the three of them were very close and it only made me think about my own family. Before all of this crap with The Swan's, we had been close like that. Would we ever be close again?

I tried not to think about it as I thanked them both for everything and followed Edward out of his house and out to his car. It was time for me to go back home, I knew this, but it was going to be hard. Had I pushed them away so much that they wouldn't want me anymore? Pain radiated through my chest and I looked out the window, trying to push the pain away. I missed my parents, my brothers so much that it literally hurt.

Edward pulled his car into a parking lot at school and cut the engine. I looked over at him as fear and guilt rose up inside of me. I wasn't sure I could do this, even though I knew I had to. They all were going to be here, watching me again. Edward didn't say anything as he climbed out of the car and headed around to my side of the car. He opened my door and held out his hand to me. I placed my hand in his and let him pull me out of the car and into his chest.

"I'm not letting you fall," he murmured, pressing his lips onto the top of my head.

"I know," I whispered.

I slid my hand into his and pulled my backpack up on my shoulder as I followed Edward into the school. Just like I knew they all would, everyone stopped and stared at me. Gawking at the cut on my forehead and the scraps on my face. Edward pulled me down the hall behind him to the office, where I picked up my absent slip. Even Mrs. Cope threw a look of pity in my direction. I hated every fucking minute of it.

Edward and I left the office and headed down the hallway, once again ignoring all the stares and whispers. You would think that by now they all would have something better, more interesting to talk about but I suppose the nutcase who had identity issues was still the hottest topic theses days. I adverted my eyes from all of them as I walked down the hallway with Edward.

The moment we stepped into our first period English class, I found myself looking right at Emmett. He was sitting in his usual seat behind Alice. He was staring at me with a frown on his face. He looked tired, really tired. Tears filled my eyes as I looked away, unable to see the pain etched on my brother's face any longer. Edward and I headed over to Mr. Owens, who was also staring at me.

"Here's my slip," I muttered, thrusting it at him.

He took it and signed it without saying anything and handed it back to me. Sighing inwardly, I grabbed it and headed over to my seat. Alice was sitting in her seat, stiff as a board as she looked between me, Emmett, and Edward. I honestly wasn't sure what to say to either of them. Mr. Owens cleared his throat and started his lesson, stammering a little as he tried to speak. It was going to be a long fucking day. As soon as the bell rang, I stood up and grabbed my backpack. Edward and Emmett stood up but nobody else did. They all preferred to just sit there at their desks and stare at me.

"Bella, are you ok?" asked Emmett.

I turned and looked at him. What was I supposed to say? I wasn't ok. I was so far from being ok. He had no clue how much his attitude and words had hurt me. It had nothing to do with his feeling about Edward but the way he treated me; like I was an outsider and not his sister anymore. I opened my mouth to speak but closed it and shook my head. I couldn't trust myself to speak to him right now. There was so much I wanted to say but I wasn't sure how much of it would be appropriate for school time. I looked over at Edward, holding out my hand.

"Let's go," he whispered, sliding his hand into mine.

"Bella," said Emmett as Edward and I walked passed everyone and out of the room. "Bella, please, talk to me!"

We stepped out into the hallway and I let out a shaky breath, feeling like I was going to explode at any moment. Edward slipped his hand out of mine and I looked up at him, panicking. However, he slipped his arm around my waist, pulling me even closer into his side. I leaned into him as we walked down the hallway to our next class.

Just like in the our first class, everyone stared at me. I tried to ignore them all as we went over and handed Mr. Varner my slip. He signed it and handed it back to me but unlike Mr. Owens, he wasn't staring at me. This was normal for Mr. Varner and for that, I was thankful. Edward and I took our seats. A moment later, Alice came in and cautiously took her seat. It was like she was afraid I was going to go postal on her ass and hurt her. Maybe she was afraid of that.

"Are you ok?" she asked, quietly. I looked up at her.

"No," I murmured. "Are you ok, Alice?"

"Not really," she frowned. "I don't like it when my friends are hurting and right now, all of them are."

"Oh," I said, looking away.

"Bella…" she trailed off as I looked back at her. "I'm here if you need me, ok?"

"Yeah?" I asked, shortly. "Going to give a full report back to my brother on how I'm doing?"

Alice's face dropped as she looked away. "Jasper and I aren't seeing each other anymore."

"Why?" I asked, shortly.

Alice sighed and looked at me. "Because I can't be with anyone who would treat their sister like that. It's not fair that they can be with me and Rose but you can't be with Edward."

"Alice," I sighed, closing my eyes. "God, it's so clear that you are an only child with no older brothers. That's how they work. Double standards and all that crap."

"Doesn't make it right," she said, nearly pleading with me to understand. I could see the pain that it was causing her to be away from my brother, the agony of losing someone she cared about.

"No, it doesn't," I said, feeling the tears building. "But Jasper needs you, Alice. Even though I'm kind of mad at him, I don't want him to lose you because you make him happy."

"But-"

"No, there are no buts," I murmured, interrupting her. "Besides, I'm not letting him or Emmett tell me that I can't be with Edward."

Before Alice could say anything else, Mr. Varner started his class. She turned around in her seat but made no effort to take notes. I pulled my knees up in front of me and looked out the window, while Edward ran his fingers through my ponytail. I hated that Alice had broken up with Jasper because of me but at the same time, I thought it was sweet that she was willing to take a stand for me. She was a good friend.

Once the bell rang, Edward, Alice, and I stood up and walked out of the classroom and out into the hallway. I looked up at Edward, fear creeping into me as I now had to face everyone on my own. He seemed to be feeling the same way as he brought his hands up to my face, caressing my cheeks and kissing me softly.

"I'm still not letting you fall," he whispered. "I'm still there holding you as tight as I can."

"Promise?" I murmured.

"I promise," he whispered. "I'll see you at lunch."

"Ok," I murmured, closing my eyes.

Edward kissed me once again and I headed down the hallway to my third period Spanish class. When I walked into the room, I saw Kate sitting in her normal seat. She looked up at me and started to smile but seemed unsure if we were friends today or not. Honestly, I was, too. Everything had become so fucked up that I wasn't sure who I could trust and who I couldn't, except for Edward, of course.

"Bella, it's great to have you back," said Mrs. Goff. I tore my eyes from Kate's and looked over at her. "Do you have your slip?"

"Yes," I said, moving over and handing it to her. She quickly signed it and handed it back to me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she smiled, placing her hand on my shoulder.

I headed over to the opposite side of the classroom and took a seat in the back. I looked back over at Kate, who was still watching me. She looked sad and confused, just as I was. I smiled at her and turned away. Would things ever just be normal for us? As Mrs. Goff started her lesson, I looked out the window and watched the rain falling. I still hated the rain and being away from the sun.

Class felt like it took forever and when the bell finally rang, I sighed in relief. I grabbed my backpack and headed out into the hall. Once again, people stared and whispered but I kept my head down, locking my eyes on my feet as I walked down the hallway. I headed into my history class and looked up. Jasper was sitting in his seat, nervously tapping his nails on the desk anxiously.

He looked right at me and started to smile but didn't as I turned away and walked over to Mr. Davis. I handed him my slip, which he signed and handed back to me without a word. I took it and headed over and slid into my seat. Jasper was still watching me but I couldn't seem to look at him. From the corner of my eye, I saw him reach out for me but pull his hand back.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he whispered. I turned and looked at him, waiting for him to continue but he just sat there. "Are you going to talk to me?"

I thought about it for a minute. Could I trust myself to speak to him without yelling and screaming, begging and pleading? I wasn't sure I could and the last thing I needed, or wanted, was to make a fool of myself here at school again. I had done enough of that over the last few weeks and I didn't want to give them all more reason to talk about just how crazy I was. So instead of speaking to him, I shook my head and looked away.

"Bella, please," he said, pleadingly. I could feel the tears prickling in my eyes again as he pleaded with me. "Talk to me, please."

Instead of saying anything, I turned in my seat and tried to blink back the tears that were swimming in my eyes. We needed to talk but here at school, in the middle of our history class, was not the place to have the discussion that the two of us and Emmett needed to have. Mr. Davis started his class but I didn't pay any attention. It was going to be a miracle if I passed any of my classes with as much time as I had missed and my inability to concentrate on anything. I looked out the window and saw that it was raining even harder. I really missed the sun.

As soon as the bell rang, I scrambled out of the classroom. Jasper called after me to wait but I couldn't do this now, not at school. I had just turned the corner to head down to meet Edward for lunch when I ran into someone. I stumbled back and looked up at the person I had walked into; Charlie Swan.

"Oh," he muttered, stepping away from me. "Sorry, I'll just…"

Charlie turned and started heading the other direction. Why did it hurt to see him walking away from me? "WAIT!" I scream. Charlie stopped and looked back at me. "I need to know one thing."

"What?" he asked, slowly.

"Did you ever stop loving me?"


	21. Chapter 21

"What?" Charlie asked, sounding genuinely shocked.

"Did you ever stop loving me?" I asked, again. "Did you ever really love me the way you claim you do?"

"Bella, we never stopped loving you," he said, stepping toward me. I moved back and he stopped, taking a deep breath. "Not once in the fourteen years that you were gone, did we stop loving you or stop thinking about you."

"But you thought I was dead," I muttered. He cringed as he looked at the floor, shaking his head. "Right? You thought that man had just thrown me away somewhere and that I was dead."

"No," Charlie said, looking up at me. "We never thought that. Ever."

"But-"

"Never," he said, interrupting me. "The police, the FBI, everyone else told us you were dead but we never believed it. We called, begging and pleading with them, with anyone who would listen, for them to find you. To keep looking for you but they told us we were holding onto false hope." Charlie ran his hands through his hair as he blinked several times. "We prayed for the moment when we would see you again everyday, Bella. Every single day."

"I don't know…what to believe anymore," I muttered, wrapping my arms around my torso. "They looked for two years before I was adopted. Two, long, long years of wishing that you and Renee would come for me but you didn't. You never came for me," I whispered, feeling the tears building up in my eyes. "I want to believe you but…Maybe it's too late…"

I trailed off as I turned and walked away from him, leaving him standing in the middle of the hallway. There was nothing I wanted more than to believe that he and Renee never gave up on finding me, that they never stopped loving me. Well, the me I was then. They didn't know me now. Would they like the person I had become in the fourteen years that we were apart? I wasn't so sure and I wasn't sure I wanted to know, either.

Edward was standing outside the doors to the cafeteria; leaning against the wall with his hands shoved into his pockets. I walked right up to him and slipped my arms in between his arms and wrapped them around his waist, laying my head on his chest. He sighed as he brought his arms up and wrapped them around me, holding me and keeping me from falling from the proverbial cliff.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Not really," I muttered. I felt him sigh and knew he was worried about my lack of an appetite.

"Bella Cullen, you need to eat," he whispered, lowering his lips to my ear. "Will you please eat for me?"

"I'll try," I whispered, back.

Edward smiled as he led me into the cafeteria. Of course, everyone stopped and looked at me. So fucking typical by now but it was still fucking annoying. I ducked my head as I let him lead me over to the lunch line. He grabbed a cheeseburger and fries for himself while I just grabbed a turkey sandwich. He insisted that I needed a banana, too, and I didn't have the energy to argue with him so I took it. Once we both had a bottle of water, we paid for our lunches and headed over to a small table in the back of the room, still with everyone watching. I wanted to scream at them to get a life and move on but I didn't. All that would do is draw more attention to myself and that was the last thing I needed.

I slid into the seat next to Edward and unwrapped my sandwich. I was fixing to take a bite when Jasper and Emmett sat down in the two chairs across from us. Inwardly, I groaned at the confrontation that sure to happen. Why couldn't they just wait until we got home to talk? Did they just not get that I wasn't in the mood to do this now?

"So, Edward, do you make it your policy to take girls back to your house for two days?" asked Emmett. I snapped my eyes up to him. He was glaring at Edward and I had had enough of it.

"Shut the fuck up, Emmett," I snapped, throwing my chair back as I stood up. As it slammed against the floor, everyone turned their attention back to me. "Just stop it now."

"Em-"

"No," said Emmett, interrupting Jasper as he stood up. "You were gone for two fucking days, Bella."

"So?" I muttered. "I needed some time away, some time to think about who took me in. Isn't that what I was supposed to be doing, Emmett? Remembering who took me in when I had nothing and nobody?"

Emmett frowned as he looked down at the table. "I didn't mean it like that," he said, quietly.

"Sure, you didn't," I scoffed. "You know, Em, that was the first time I had ever felt like I truly was nothing."

I picked up my sandwich and made my way out of the cafeteria with everyone watching me again. My silly, idiotic brother was really starting to piss me off even more than he already had. Who in the hell did he think he was coming over there and starting crap with Edward? Edward was the only person who hadn't given me shit for anything over the last few weeks. He was the only person that just listened when I needed to vent or held me when I needed to cry. Why couldn't Emmett see that Edward was the only person keeping me from completely falling apart right now? I made my way outside of the school and leaned against the wall, closing my eyes.

"You ok?"

I opened my eyes and looked over to see Ben sitting on a stone bench about ten yards away. He had a sketch book open in his lap and was staring at me behind his black framed glasses. "No," I said, shortly. "Life pretty much sucks ass right now."

"Suppose it does," he murmured, turning back to his book. I stood there for a moment, watching at he started drawing again. "Are you going to keep staring at me? It's fucking creeping me out."

"Now you know how I've felt for the last few weeks," I muttered, moving over and sitting down next to him.

"I have no clue how you are feeling, Bella," he said, smiling at me. "My life wasn't ruined like yours was."

"Is the part where you tell me that I need to get over it and be all happy and shit?" I asked.

"Fuck no," he scoffed, laughing quietly. "If it were me, I would be curled up in the corner, praying to Buddha or some God asking for them to make me a bird so I can get the fuck out of this crazy ass town."

"Oh," I murmured, looking down at his picture. He was drawing a picture of a demon eating a small bird. He was very talented, even if his picture was kind of creepy. "Wow, that's, um…"

"Sick and twisted?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow as he looked over at me.

"Little bit," I admitted. He chuckled as he looked back down.

"Yeah, I know. My therapist tells me that I am projecting my anger in my art," he said. "I think he's full of shit."

"You see a therapist?" I asked. Ben smiled and looked up at me.

"Yeah, my mom thought I needed it after she and my dad divorced. Supposedly, I have an attitude and anger problems," he said, rolling his eyes. "It makes her happy for me to go so I do it."

"Oh," I muttered.

"Bella, there you are," sighed Edward, rushing out of the school. I could see the worry etched on his face. He stopped when he saw Ben. "Oh, hey, Ben."

"Edward," murmured Ben, standing up. "I had better go find Ang before she cuts all her afternoon classes again."

"Ok," said Edward. Ben smiled at me before he walked into the school, letting the door close behind him. "Are you ok?" Edward asked, moving over and sitting next to me. "I came after you but Rose and Alice started screaming at your brothers and I had to try to calm them down before they got suspended."

"You're playing peacemaker with everyone," I said, quietly. "I'm fine. He just pisses me off. I never thought Emmett would be like this. We've always been so close."

"He's scared, Bella," smiled Edward, taking my hand in his. "He's afraid that you don't need him anymore."

"That's stupid," I sighed. "Of course, I need him. He's my brother."

"I know that and you know that but Emmett and Jasper, they don't see it like that. They are scared of losing you," said Edward.

"Yeah, well, I'm scared of getting lost," I whispered, pulling my knees up.

Edward didn't say anything else as we sat on the stone bench. He slid my banana into my hand as he leaned over and pressed his lips to the side of my head. I peeled it and ate it, even if I couldn't really taste it. Once I was done, I laid my head on his shoulder and watched the drizzling rain as it saturated the ground. Edward tightened his arm around my shoulder and started humming under his breath. I could feel my body slowly relaxing against him. Somehow, he always made me feel like everything wasn't going to shit.

However, like all good things, the bell rang ending lunch and Edward and I had to go back into the school and face the rest of the day. We deposited our trash and headed inside. I focused my attention on walking to my locker and ignoring the stares and whispers from everyone around me. I grabbed my biology book and followed Edward down the hallway to our classroom. We stepped into the awkwardly quiet classroom and I automatically looked over to where Garrett was supposed to be sitting but he wasn't there.

I looked around and saw him sitting at a different table. He had his eyes trained on his notebook, even though everyone was looking between me and him. Without even thinking, I pulled away from Edward and walked over to him. He looked up at me as everyone in the room inhaled deeply. There was nothing but sadness and fear in his eyes.

"This isn't your seat," I said, pulling his books off the desk.

I turned and walked back to our table and dropped his books in front of his usual seat. Everyone was staring at me as I moved around the table and took my usual seat. Slowly, Edward and Garrett came over and sat down across from me. I could tell the neither of them were sure what to say or do. Honestly, I wasn't either. I just knew that Garrett was supposed to sit on that stool. It's the only thing I knew for sure.

"Ok, class, open your books to page fifty-nine," said Mr. Banner, bustling into the classroom. As everyone flipped open their books, he looked around at all of us. His eyes stopped on our table for a split second longer than the others. It may have been my imagination but it seemed like he was pleased that we were all sitting together. "Today we are going to be discussing…"

As Mr. Banner started his lecture, I pulled out my music book and started flipping through the songs I had written in there. Most of them had been written when I was feeling depressed about not knowing who I was or what had happened that landed me outside of that hospital fourteen years ago. I always thought that when, or if, I ever found out what happened that day, that I would feel relieved but I didn't. If anything, I was even more confused and angry than ever. Guess, that is a lesson on being careful about what you wish for.

Once the bell rang ending class, I stood up and gathered up my books while everyone else just sat there, watching me. My eyes meet Garrett's dark brown eyes. "I'll see you later," I muttered.

Garrett smiled as he stood up. "Ok," he said, quietly. "I hope the rest of your day is good, Bella."

"Me too," I snorted, pulling my backpack onto my shoulder. "But let's not hold our breath."

Garrett chuckled softly as he followed me and Edward out into the hall, leaving everyone behind staring at us. As he walked away from us, he had the biggest smile on his face. It made me happy. Edward slipped his arm around my waist and we headed down to gym. Today had already been excruciatingly long. Now, I got to go to gym. I was not excited. Edward leaned down and brushed his lips across mine before removing his arm from around my waist. My face was bright red, I'm sure, as I headed into the locker room.

Rose and Kate were already there in front of our lockers. Both of them looked up at me, smiling. I returned both of their smiles as I went over and joined them in front of my locker. Kate reached up and pushed the hair out of my face, looking at the gash in my forehead.

"Wow, that's pretty fucking ugly," she grimaced.

"Gee, thanks," I muttered, pulling my head away from her hand.

"I didn't mean it like that," she sighed, rolling her eyes.

"I know," I said, quietly as I pulled my gym clothes out of my locker.

As we changed into our gym clothes, I noticed how quiet Rose was being. Not that she ever had been a real chatter box in the first place but she had never been this quiet, either. Once the three of us were dressed, we headed out to the gym. Edward was leaning against the wall, right next to the door. Kate and Rose both laughed as he slipped his arm around me, causing me to blush once again. I tried to ignore them as we headed over and took our places on the floor.

Like my father had told me, Charlie was not in gym today. Instead, we had a new guy, Coach Clapp. He divided us up into groups of five and had us play basketball. Of course, I think I got hit by the ball more than I actually caught it. It was odd not having Charlie in here and I wasn't sure I liked it. I mentally slapped myself for not being able to make a decision about him and Renee. It was like I couldn't decide if I could have a relationship with them or not. Maybe I did need therapy.

As soon as Coach Clapp dismissed us, Kate, Rose, and I headed up to the dressing room. We quickly changed back into our regular clothes and tried to make ourselves less smelly by dousing ourselves in perfume and deodorant. Kate and Rose walked with me out into the hallway, where Edward was waiting for me. Kate smiled as she turned and headed out of the school, looking for Garrett I'm sure. Rose, however, stood there for a moment just watching me.

"Something on your mind, Rose?" asked Edward, taking my hand in his.

"No," she murmured as she turned. She had barely taken a step when she stopped and looked back at me. "Yes. Bella, I know you are scared and angry. You certainly have every right to be pissed with Emmett for how he's been acting but he loves you. He's scared and angry, too."

"Rose-"

"Don't you think I know that, Rose?" I asked, interrupting Edward. "He's my brother. I know him a hell of a lot better than you do."

"Maybe," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "I would just hate for you to lose your brother because you are pissed with the world."

Rose turned and walked away, leaving me and Edward standing there. Part of me wanted to run after her and tell her that she didn't know shit about me or Emmett or our family. However, the other part of me knew that she was right. My anger at the situation and them wasn't helping anything but I just didn't know how my brothers, the two people I trusted more than anyone, could treat me like that.

Edward pulled on my hand and I followed him outside, trying to push Rose's words out of my head. Emmett and Jasper were standing next to the jeep with Rose and Alice. I guess that meant that they had made up. Both of my brothers looked right at me but I turned my eyes away from theirs. We were going to have to sit down and talk when I got home. A few minutes later, Edward pulled his car up in front of my house. I was nervous about coming back home, even though I knew it was time for me to come back. Edward cut the engine to his car and looked over at me. I sighed and leaned my head back on the headrest.

"You're going to be ok," he said, with a smile.

"I know," I murmured. "Just not looking forward to the conversations that I know are coming."

"Yeah," he frowned. "Will you call me tonight?"

"Yes," I smiled. I leaned across the front seat and gently pressed my lips down onto his. "Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome."

I kissed Edward chastely one more time before I climbed out of his car, grabbing my backpack and small suitcase from the backseat. I slowly made my way up the front steps, and pushed open the front door. My parents were sitting on the sofa, clearly waiting for me. As I walked in, they both smiled. They stood up and I dropped my bags, rushed over, and threw my arms around them both. I had really missed them, even if I did see them yesterday morning.

I wasn't even aware that I had been crying until my father started murmuring that it was going to be ok. I pulled back, taking a deep breath as I tried to calm down. However before I could say anything, the front door opened again. I looked over my shoulder and saw my brothers coming in. They both stood there in the doorway, watching me, Carlisle, and Esme with guarded expressions and uncertainty etched on both of their faces. I wasn't sure what to say or do, either.

"Everyone sit down," said Esme. For a split second, none of us moved. "Now."

I pulled away from my parents and settled down on the couch that they had just gotten up from. Emmett and Jasper came over and sat down on the other couch, watching me closely. I wanted to roll my eyes and tell them that I wasn't going to beat the shit out of them but at the same time, I wasn't sure I wasn't going to do just that. Carlisle and Esme settled down on the edge of the chair that sat between my brothers and me.

"Now, we understand that things have been a bit…tense around here," started Carlisle. Emmett snorted and my father snapped his eyes over to him. "Emmett, your attitude is not helping things at all."

Emmett didn't say anything as he shifted his eyes to the ground. Carlisle took a deep breath and looked between the three of us again. "No matter what happened a few days ago, we are a family and it's time we started acting like one," he said. He angled his body toward my brothers. "Boys, we know this has been hard on you two. First the move and then finding out about-"

"Yeah, we know, Dad," muttered Emmett, interrupting Carlisle.

"Will you stop being so rude?" I snapped. Emmett shifted his eyes up to meet mine. "It's getting old."

"I'm being rude?" he asked. "You ignored me for two days, Bella."

"You were being a jerk," I spat.

"Being concerned about my sister makes me a jerk?" he asked, harshly.

"Oh, so now I am your sister, huh?" I asked, folding my arms in front of me. "Two days ago you were reminding me to remember who took me in fourteen years ago. Didn't seem like I was your sister then, did it?"

"That's not what I meant," muttered Emmett, shaking his head. I rolled my eyes but didn't say anything. "I didn't."

"Bullshit," I whispered.

"Bella, language," reprimanded Esme.

"I didn't mean it like that, Bella," insisted Emmett, leaning forward. "I just don't understand how you can let them in your life after they left you."

"Of course you don't," I murmured, looking down at the floor as I felt the tears building up in my eyes once again. I was getting tired of crying, of feeling like I was going to break at any moment. "For years, I've looked at myself in the mirror and I asked myself whose eyes I had, whose chin, nose, or ears. I don't know if I have a chance of getting heart disease, diabetes, cancer, or a hundred other health problems. I don't know if they ever really loved me, or if they stopped loving me after I was gone," I whispered, letting my tears fall. I couldn't look up at them. It was too hard. "My birthday was a couple of weeks ago."

"What?" asked Esme. A new round of tears fell down my face as I looked up at my mother.

"My birthday is September thirteenth," I said, quietly. "It came and went and I had no clue that I had turned seventeen. Just like every other year, I had no clue."

"Oh, sweetheart," she murmured, moving toward me but I scrambled off the couch. "Bella, honey, if we had known-"

"That's my point," I said, pleading with them. "I didn't know that my birthday had passed. Every goddamn year went by and I had no clue how old I really was. None of you understand how that feels."

"You're right, we don't," said Carlisle, standing up. "Because to us, your birthday is still in December."

"You don't understand," I muttered.

"Explain it to us," said Esme, leaning forward. "If you don't explain it to us, we can't help you."

"I don't know who I am," I said, looking at them. "Sure, my name is Isabella Cullen and I am seventeen. I don't know my middle name, what the name of the hospital where I was born is. I don't know if I have aunts, uncles, cousins. I don't know how much I weighed when I was born or if I had any hair. I don't know anything about who I was and I am tired of feeling lost. I've spent fourteen years wondering about all of this. Now, if I try to find out about any of this, I have Emmett and Jasper telling me that I am betraying them," I explained.

"I never said that," said Jasper, standing up. "Bella, I don't care if you have anything to do with The Swan's or not."

"Bullshit," I muttered.

"I don't," he insisted. "I just…I just don't want you to push me away if…"

"If what?" I asked.

"If you like Garrett more than me," whispered Jasper, looking down at the ground.

"Jas, you will always be my brother. I just want to be his friend," I said.

"For how long?" asked Emmett, looking up at me. "You're already pulling away from us."

"You pushed me away," I countered. Emmett shook his head as he stood up.

"I tried to talk to you yesterday," he argued.

"Via text message," I scoffed. "You made a lot of effort there, Em."

"You could have answered or called me back," he said. "Or, crap, you shouldn't have even been with him in the first place."

"Leave Edward out of this," I yelled.

"No, he's taking you away from us," snapped Emmett.

"Em-"

"He's the only one who hasn't told me what to do," I seethed, interrupting my father. "Edward understands that I just need some time to think and breathe and not have everyone in my face all the time. He gets that I am confused and that I feel guilty for having to hurt you."

"Hurt us?" asked Esme. "You aren't hurting us."

"Bullshit, Mom," I snapped. "If I choose to try to get to know the Swan's, to have a relationship with them, then I hurting you and Dad. If I even think about being friends with Garrett or Angela, then I am betraying my brothers."

"That is not true," insisted Esme. "Bella, if you want to get to know Charlie and Renee, then Dad and I will support you all the way."

"That's right, Sweetheart," said Carlisle, placing his hand on Esme's back. "We are here for you."

"You say that now," I muttered, shaking my head.

"We mean what we are saying," said Esme, reaching out and grabbing my hand. "All we want is for you to be happy again."

"I want to believe you, Mom, but…" I trailed off as I looked from her to Emmett and Jasper. "I can't."

"Then we will have to prove it to you," smiled Esme, bringing her hand up to my cheek. "But no matter what, you will be our daughter and we will never stop loving you."

"Do you promise?" I murmured, blinking back my tears.

"We promise," she whispered, hugging me. Carlisle wrapped his arms around the two of us.

"We both promise," he said, quietly. I nodded my head as I pulled back and looked over at my brothers. They both opened their mouths to speak but I held up my hand.

"Until you both can accept that I am going to be friends with Garrett, and hopefully Angela, and that Edward is going to be in my life, then I don't want to hear what you have to say. I never would have asked either of you to pick me over Rose or Alice but you are asking me to pick between you and anyone else. That is not only unfair, but cruel."

I went over and grabbed my backpack and suitcase off the floor. Leaving everyone standing in the living room, I headed upstairs to my room and shut the door. Pulling my cell phone out of my bag, I crawled onto my bed and sent him a text message.

**E-Still pulling me from the cliff?-B**

_**B-Always, Baby, Always-E**_


	22. Chapter 22

The two weeks that followed, passed by at an agonizingly slow pace. It was almost like time purposely decided to slow down just to piss me off. I wish I could say that everything had been better but it hasn't. My nights were still filled with nightmares that often caused me to wake up screaming. Sometimes, I would dream that Charlie and Renee took me away. Other times, a man would come and take me. I could never quite make out his face. As he drove away with me strapped into the backseat of his car, he laughed and told me that he would make me disappear for good this time. The first few times, Carlisle and Esme would come rushing in and hold me until I calmed down. Emmett and Jasper would stand in the doorway, gawking at me like I was losing control. Perhaps, I was.

After a few nights, I learned to turn my face into my pillow and stifle my screams. I hated that I was causing my parents so much grief. They had done nothing over the last two weeks but try to reassure me that they would never stop loving me. That they would never give me up or let anyone take me away. I wanted to believe them but I was still so confused. Other nights, I chose to just stay up and fight the sleep, knowing that no matter what, I was going to have the nightmares. I spent most of the nights working on a new song or texting back and forth with Edward. Of course, Emmett and Jasper's behavior wasn't exactly helping me feel any better about everything, either.

It was mostly Emmett, though. Jasper seemed to be resigned to the fact that I had a need to know more about my birth family, even if he didn't like it. He also seemed to accept that Edward was a part of my life, even if he didn't like that, either. Emmett, on the other hand, was still being a major pain in my ass. It wasn't that he was being rude to me anymore, or even ignoring me, but he was treating Edward like he was a leper. If he saw us at school holding hands, he would glare at him. Both Edward and I tried to ignore him but it still hurt that my brother couldn't accept the one person in my life that was keeping me grounded.

School alone felt like a war zone, even without my brothers adding to the turmoil. Ok, so maybe a war zone was a bit of an overstatement but it certainly wasn't fun, either. While people had finally stopped staring at me after a few days, they were still whispering about me behind my back. Fuck, some of them were whispering about me to my face. Just last week, I heard two girls comment that I must be enjoying all of this attention and that was why I was being so overly dramatic about everything. I wanted to punch their faces in but Edward pulled me away. Edward was still keeping me from falling off the cliff. My two weeks with him was about the only bright spot in my life.

Early Friday morning, I found myself sitting on the window seat in my bedroom, guitar sitting on my lap as I watched the rain come pouring down from the dark, bleak sky. One thing that hadn't really changed here was that it really did rain all the time. Edward kept telling me that I would get used to it but I wasn't. I still missed being away from the sun.

"Bella, sweetheart, are you up?" asked Esme, opening my bedroom door. I looked over at her, trying my hardest to smile.

"Yeah," I said, quietly. "Fixing to take a shower."

"Ok, breakfast is almost ready, so hurry."

"Ok, Mom," I murmured.

Esme shut the door behind her and I looked back out the window. Today was the day that I hadn't really been looking forward to. Today, I would be going in for my first therapy session with the shrink that Carlisle had found me in Port Angles. I didn't really want to go but I promised my parents I would try. They said it was important that I deal with…everything. I knew they were right but that didn't mean that I wanted to. What if they told me it was my fault for hurting so many people?

I placed my guitar back on it's stand and headed into the bathroom, knowing that Esme would be back up here in ten minutes if I wasn't downstairs. She seemed almost afraid that I was going to sneak out through my window and shimmy down the drainpipe or something. Which was completely ridiculous seeing as there wasn't even a drainpipe outside of my window. I checked.

As I stepped in under the hot water and began to wash my hair, I thought about them. The other family I supposedly had. Even though Garrett and I were somewhat friends, I hadn't spent any real time with him. I wasn't ready and he didn't push me, either, which was nice. Angela was still ignoring me completely but I don't know if it was so much because she still hated me or because she wasn't sure what to say to me. Every once in a while, I would catch her staring at me with a wistful look on her face. It might have been my imagination, though.

Charlie and Renee were still keeping their distance, too. I saw Charlie almost everyday at school. Usually, he would stop and look at me for a second before he would turn and walk away. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt that he would just walk away from me again, even if I thought that was what I wanted. I had seen Renee at the store four different times. She made it a little more obvious than Charlie did that she saw me. She didn't say anything to me but I would find myself running into her in the produce aisle or in the dairy department. She would watch me with a wistful look on her face. I never spoke to her or Charlie, even though I needed to. I had so many questions but I was almost afraid of the answers I would be getting. There were so many what ifs.

I climbed out of the shower and tried to push all thoughts of The Swan's out of my head. It wasn't doing me any good to obsess over them. Well, anymore than I already was. It was hard not to think about them, to want to know more. Even if I was a coward, who couldn't face them yet. Why did life have to be so fucking hard all the time?

I quickly got ready for school, opting to wear a pair of jeans and my 'Clash' t-shirt. I needed the comfort of home with me today, if I was going to make it through the day. My music book was laying on the floor next to the bed so I snatched it up, and shoved it into my backpack. I was going to need it today, too. I headed downstairs to the kitchen, prepared to join my family for breakfast.

Carlisle was sitting in his usual seat but instead of reading the paper like he normally would, he was staring out the window. Emmett and Jasper were sitting on the back side of the table, shoveling food into their mouths at an alarmingly fast rate. It was disgusting. Esme was standing in front of the stove, pulling the last of the eggs out of the skillet. She turned and smiled at me. At least she did, until she saw what I was wearing.

"Bella, can't you wear something a little nicer?" she asked, placing a place with two eggs, bacon, and a slice of toast in front of me. "You know, make a good impression."

"I didn't realize that there was a dress code for seeing a shrink, Mom," I muttered, picking up my fork. "This will just prove to him that I am a nutcase, anyway. I mean, who likes the Clash, right?"

"I do," smirked Carlisle, turning from the window and winking at me.

"Doesn't really help my case, Dad," I smiled. He chuckled softly as he stood up. He leaned over and kissed the top of my head.

"I'll pick you up before lunch, ok?" he whispered. I simply nodded my head as I shifted my eyes down to my plate. "Love you."

"Love you, too, Daddy," I murmured.

As Carlisle left for work, Esme took his seat. She reached over and placed her hand on my shoulder, silently trying to reassure me that everything was going to be ok. I really wanted to believe that but I didn't. It's not like I thought that things were going to blow up again, more than they already were, but I just wasn't feeling comfortable with trying to express my feelings with a complete stranger. It was hard enough to tell my family, the people I had grown up with, how I felt. I placed my fork on the table and stood up.

"I'll see you later, Mom," I murmured.

Esme smiled as she patted my arm. Neither Emmett nor Jasper said anything as I walked out of the kitchen, grabbed my coat, and out of the house. For the last two weeks, I had been riding with Edward to school. It seemed like the easier solution to our conflict. I settled down on one of the white wicker chairs on the porch and pulled my knees up to my chest. I had been sitting out there for less than a minute when the door to the house opened. I didn't need to look back to know that my brothers were coming out.

"Do you want to ride with us?" asked Emmett.

I didn't look at him as I said, "No."

"Bella," he murmured. "Are you ever going to forgive me?"

This time I did look over at him. "Are you going to accept that Edward is a part of my life?" I asked.

"I'm trying," he said, shaking his head. He snapped his head up as Edward pulled his car up in front of the house. His jaw tightened and his hands clenched into fists. I shook my head as I stood up, tossing my backpack over my shoulder.

"Yeah, you're trying real hard," I muttered.

"Bell-"

"Save it, Em," I hissed as Edward came rushing up onto the porch.

"Hey," said Edward, smiling as he took my backpack from me.

"Hi," I murmured, blushing as I usually do. Edward smiled as he looked over at my brothers.

"You guys ready for our history test?" asked Edward, trying to make conversation. Emmett rolled his eyes as he headed over to the jeep.

"Yeah, Man, I'm so excited and I just can't hide it," he scoffed. He climbed into the jeep, slamming the door behind him. I ducked my head as I felt the hurt creeping up again. What was it going to take to get him to lay off Edward?

"Yeah, I'm ready for it," muttered Jasper, nervously. At least he was trying to make nice. "You?"

Before Edward could answer, Emmett honked the horn on the jeep several times. Jasper sighed as he walked down the front steps and climbed in, leaving me and Edward just standing there. I looked over as Emmett pulled the jeep out of the driveway and headed down the street, taking my crushed feelings with him. Edward reached down and wove his fingers in with mine and I looked up at him.

"You ready?" he asked.

I nodded my head as I tried to stop the tears that had built up in my eyes back. Edward didn't say anything about them, though, knowing that sometimes, I just needed to cry things out. After just over a month together, he already knew that much about me. I followed Edward down to his car and climbed into the passenger seat. As he drove us to school, I looked out the passenger window, watching the trees pass by us.

Once we got to school, Edward parked in his usual parking space and cut the engine. I looked over at him, trying to smile but just not feeling it. He smiled as he leaned across the center console, bringing his hand up to my cheek in the process.

"Smile," he murmured, brushing his lips across mine. My face heated up as my lips curved upwards against his. "Much better. Long night?"

I nodded, trying not to think about the nightmare that had woken me up early this morning. "Nightmare," I said, simply.

"Which one?" he asked, stroking his finger over my cheek.

"The one with the man," I whispered, closing my eyes. "They scare me more than the other ones do."

"He can't get to you again," promised Edward, leaning his forehead down onto mine.

"I know," I said, quietly. "We should get going before we are late."

"Ok," murmured Edward.

I took a deep, cleansing breath before I climbed out of the car. Edward met me in front of the car and slipped his arm around my waist, carrying both our backpacks on his other shoulder. I had given up trying to get him to let me carry my own. He seemed to enjoy it and who was I to argue with him? Emmett and Jasper were standing at their lockers with Rose and Alice as we came in. As much as they tried to hide it, I saw Alice and Rose throw an anxious look at my brothers.

"Hey, Bella," smiled Alice. "Edward."

"Hi, Alice." I pulled open my locker before pulling my backpack away from Edward. "Ready for the weekend?"

"God, yes," she sighed. "My parents are going out of town, which means party at my house."

"A party?" I asked, looking up at her. She smiled, evilly, and nodded her head. "Why do I have a feeling this isn't something your parents know about?"

"Cause they don't," she giggled. Even though I was talking to Alice, I could feel Emmett's eyes boring into me. "You and Edward are coming, aren't you?"

"Um," I said, looking over at him. He simply raised his eyebrows, silently asking me if I wanted to go. "I don't know."

"You have to come," begged Alice, grabbing onto my arm and jumping up and down.

"Ok, ok," I snapped, pulling my arm out of her hand. "We'll fucking come but stop fucking pulling on me."

"Oh, sorry," she muttered, dropping her hands down. "I just get-"

"Excited sometimes," I grumbled, slamming my locker shut. "I know."

Before she, or anyone else, could say anything, I turned and headed down the hall. I didn't mean to be such a bitch to Alice, but I was getting tired of her constant cheerfulness. It wasn't normal for someone to be goddamn perky all the fucking time. As I walked down the hallway, Edward slipped his arm around my waist.

"We don't have to go," he said, quietly. "If you don't want to."

"I don't," I admitted. "There are going to be a lot of people there."

"Then we won't," said Edward as we stopped outside of our classroom. I looked up at him. "We'll do something else."

"Just us two?" I could feel my face heat up as I spoke.

"Yeah, just us," he smiled. "I like the sound of it just being you and me."

"Me, too," I murmured.

Alice and Emmett walked past us, both of them ignoring the two of us. Guilt crept into for how I had spoken to Alice. She didn't deserve it at all. Over the last two weeks, she had done nothing but try to make me feel like I wasn't the biggest freak show at this school. I shared a look with Edward before we went and took our seats. Alice was leaning back in her desk, arms folded around her. I slid into my seat and looked back at her.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. As Alice looked up at me, I noticed the tears swimming in her eyes and I felt even more guilty. I had made her cry. "I didn't mean to be such a-"

"Bitch," muttered Emmett. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, and tried like hell not to jump over the desks and kick my brother's ass in front of everyone.

"It's ok, Bella," sniffed Alice. "I know I'm annoying. Plenty of people have told me so."

"You're not annoying, Alice," I said, reaching over and grabbing her hand. "I just don't like people grabbing onto me like that."

"Except for Edward," muttered Emmett. He must have thought he was being much quieter than he really was because even he wasn't stupid enough to keep mouthing off like this.

"Emmett," I sighed, shaking my head. He rolled his eyes and looked away. I turned back to Alice. "I'm really sorry."

"I'll try not to grab onto you anymore," she said, quietly.

"I'd appreciate that."

As Alice smiled, my eyes drifted over her shoulder to Emmett. He was sitting behind her, frown planted on his face. He looked up and caught my eye. I quickly turned away, ignoring the stabbing grief that was radiating through my chest. I missed my brother but I'll be damned if I put up with his attitude about Edward. If he only knew that Edward saved my life, both physically and emotionally.

Once class was over, Emmett rushed out, ignoring everyone on his way. I tried to shrug it off but it still hurt. I followed Edward and Alice down the hallway to our next class and tried like hell to push back the searing pain that filled my heart. The rest of the morning skirted by slowly and painfully. It felt like each minute dragged on for hours. Each tick of the clock caused my stomach to tighten with nerves. Each passing second caused me to rethink my decision to seek out a therapist at all.

By the time the bell rang ending fourth period, I was barely hanging on to the tightrope I had been walking all day. Jasper and I walked down the hallway together but it didn't feel like he was with me. Emmett was standing next to our lockers, arms folded in front of his chest. As we walked up to him, he looked up, right at me. His eyes were wary, full of concern and fear. I turned to my locker and pulled out the books I was going to need for my homework tonight. Turning back to Emmett and Jasper, I sighed.

"I don't like this," I muttered. "I don't like not having either of you to talk to."

"We don't either," said Jasper. "I miss you, Bella."

"Yeah, I miss you, too," sighed Emmett. "I know I'm not helping things, though."

"No, you're not," I said, shaking my head. "I wish you would get to know him. Then you would see that he is a good person, Em."

"You're different with him," argued Emmett.

"How?" I asked, pleading with him. "I'm still me."

"No, you're not," said Jasper. I looked over at him. "You're not the same Bella that you were a month ago. You cry all the time. You…fuck, Bella, you don't talk to us anymore."

"You don't want to hear what I have to say." I shifted my eyes to the floor as I felt my tears building up.

"You're wrong," whispered Emmett. I looked up at him.

"Yeah?" I asked, picking my backpack off the floor.

"Yes," he exclaimed. I nodded my head.

"You mean like, how if Edward hadn't been there that day, I would be dead?" I asked. "How he pulled me over the side of cliff and stopped me falling to my death?"

"Bella," whispered Emmett, lip trembling.

"I needed you, Em, and you reminded me that I was nothing more than a misplaced girl with no real family," I choked out, letting a tear travel down my face.

Before he could say anything, I pushed my way past him, letting his hands slide down my arm as I passed by. I bit back my sob as it threatened to slip out between my lips as I nearly sprinted down the hallway to the front doors. Edward was waiting for me next to the double doors. He looked up as I came rushing down to him, throwing myself into his waiting arms. He quickly pulled me as close as he could, holding me tightly.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked. I shook my head, not wanting to drag him into anymore of my troubles. Edward brought his hand up, stroking my cheek as I laid my head on his chest. "Talk to me."

"I just don't understand why they don't want me to be happy," I whispered.

"Emmett and Jasper?" he asked. I nodded my head. "Baby, they do want you to be happy. They are just scared."

"So am I," I murmured.

"I know," he whispered, pressing his lips to the top of my head. "Are you ok now?"

"No," I muttered, pulling back. "I wish you could come with me."

"But I can't," he frowned. "Will you call me when you get home?"

"Yeah," I whispered. Closing my eyes, I leaned up and pressed my lips to his once, twice, a third time. "Still holding me back?"

"Always," he murmured, against my lips.

I kissed Edward once again before pulling back and walking through the double doors. Carlisle's car was parked at the end of the long walkway. As I walked toward him, my legs felt like they had lead in them. My feet felt like they were dragging along the cement, resisting the efforts I was making to move forward. Finally, I found myself next to the car. I yanked the door open and slide in, shutting the door hard behind me.

"Honey, are you ok?" asked Carlisle, causing me to look over at him.

"Yes. No. Maybe," I muttered. I looked out the window. "I don't know anymore."

Carlisle didn't say anything as he shifted the car into drive and took off through the parking lot. Turning onto the highway, he headed toward Port Angeles.


	23. Chapter 23

During the drive to Port Angeles, I kept thinking about what the shrink was going to ask me. Would he be one of those who blamed my parents for everything? If he was, which parents would he blame? If he wasn't, would he blame me for causing so much trouble for everyone? Of course, none of these questions had answers and only lead to more questions. Not only that, but they left me even more confused and nervous than I already was.

An hour after we left Forks, Carlisle pulled his car up in front of a small, red brick building. It looked like any other shrink's office, dentist building, or mortuary. At least, to me it did. He cut the engine but didn't get out of the car. I sat there, staring at the building. Trying to talk my body into getting out of the car and go inside was so much harder than I thought it was going to be. After a couple of minutes of sitting there, my father reached over and grabbed my hand, pulling my attention off the building and onto him.

"Do you remember when you were around nine and you got that really horrible case of the flu?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. "I missed school for a week. You and Mom let me sleep with you because I was scared to sleep alone."

Carlisle nodded his head as he looked out the front window. From my seat, I could see the tears building in his eyes. "I wish I could take all the pain away, Bella, but I can't," he murmured. "I hear you crying in your sleep, begging us to help you…" He paused as he wiped a tear away and looked over at me. "This is the only way I know how to help you. You need someone to talk to, someone who isn't going to pull you in their direction."

"I know that," I whispered, dropping my eyes to my lap. "But it's hard."

"But you can do it," he said, pulling on my hand. I shifted my eyes up to him. "My daughter can do anything."

"I hope you're right," I murmured.

Carlisle and I climbed out of the car and headed inside. I took a seat on one of the large, brown leather chairs while Carlisle went and checked me in with the woman sitting behind the dark, oak desk. She was an older woman, clearly close to the age of retirement. She had salt and pepper hair and dark blue eyes. She handed him a stack of paperwork as she looked around him and right at me. I shifted my eyes away, feeling like she was trying to look right through me. Carlisle came back over and took the seat next to me and started filling out all the paper work. I crossed my legs and nervously chewed on my bottom lip.

The wait felt like it took forever. I tried to occupy my time, looking around but honestly, this room creped me out. Why did shrinks think the waiting room needed to be all dark and ominous? Was it supposed to make me think that my problems were somehow less important after I spent a good five minutes in a room that, honestly, reminded me of something you would see in The Godfather?

"Bella."

I looked up as my name was called. Standing in the door way to the office was an tall, dark haired man, who couldn't be more than thirty years old. I wasn't expecting him to dress so casually but he was wearing a pair of jeans, a grey t-shirt with a red devil on the front, and pair of Nike tennis shoes. He smiled as he waited for me to say something, anything.

"I'm Bella," I muttered, standing up.

"I'm Marcus," he said, holding out his hand. I slowly reached out and shook his hand. He let my hand drop as he looked over my shoulder to my father. "You must be Dr. Cullen."

"Carlisle, please," he said, reaching around me to shake Marcus' hand. "It's nice to officially meet you."

"You as well," smiled Marcus, looking back at me. "Are you ready to come in?"

"I suppose," I whispered.

Marcus stepped out of my way and I looked back at my father. Carlisle gave me a reassuring smile but it didn't really help. I turned back and walked through the oak door and into Marcus' office. His office was quite the surprise to me, too. Instead of the stuffy, boring office that I expected, it was bright. The walls were white but there were tons of colorful art work on the walls. Instead of the standard oak desk, there was a glass desk with a computer on it and nothing else. There were a couple of recliners and the standardized shrink's couch but they weren't leather like in the waiting room. The chairs were bright red while the couch was red and blue plaid. Marcus shut the door and I turned back and looked at him. He strode past me and plopped down on one of the chairs, propping his feet up on the automatic footrest. I stood there awkwardly.

"Are you going to sit down?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I pulled on my bottom lip as I looked between the chair and the couch.

"Do I have to lay down?" I asked.

"No," he laughed. "You can sit wherever you would like, as long as you are comfortable," he said. I moved over and sat on the edge of the other red chair. My body was tense and rigid. "You don't look very comfortable."

"I'm not," I replied, honestly. Marcus just sat there staring at me with his hands folded on his stomach. "Am I supposed to start talking or something?"

"Do you want to talk?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders. "You don't know what you want?"

"No," I murmured, looking around his office. "Why does it look like this?"

"Like what?" he asked.

"Not like your waiting room," I said. Marcus smiled as he put his feet down and stood up.

"Don't tell Janine that I told you this, but that room is boring as hell," he said, moving over to one of his paintings.

"Who's Janine?" I asked.

"My receptionist," he murmured. "Do you know much about art?"

"No, I can't even draw stick figures."

"Me either." He stepped back and stared at the picture. To me, it looked like nothing more than a big, red blob on a white canvas. "I don't think it belongs here."

Marcus pulled the picture down and laid it against the wall, facing the wall. He sighed and moved over, sitting on the couch. "Much better," he said, leaning back. I sat there, staring at him while he stared at me. "You are really quiet."

"What am I supposed to say?" I asked.

"What do you feel like saying?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said. "I don't really want to be here."

"Yet you are," he said, smiling.

"Wow, where did you go to college?" I asked, sarcastically.

"Yale," he smirked. I rolled my eyes and stood up. I walked around his office, looking at all his art work. Honestly, they all sucked. "For someone who doesn't know anything about art, you sure are staring at my pictures pretty hard."

"Trying to see why you would waste your money on them," I scoffed, looking back over at him. "They looked like a first grader painted them."

"Close," he sighed. "I think the artist was like seventeen when she did these."

"Oh," I said.

"So are you going to tell me about yourself or what?" he asked.

"What do you want to know?" I asked, sitting on the edge of the red chair again.

"Anything you want to tell me," he said, smiling.

"I don't like fish." I brought my hand up, running it through my hair.

"What do you like?" he asked.

"Music," I said, quietly. "I love music."

"What kind?" he asked.

"All kinds but mostly classic rock," I explained. "I play the guitar."

"Are you any good?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders. "Oh, come on, are you any good?"

"I guess so," I muttered.

"Other than music, what do you like?" he asked.

"I like to read, I guess," I said, quietly.

"What kind of books do you like to read?" he asked.

"I don't know," I grumbled. "Just…books."

"Ok, anything else you like?" he asked.

"I don't know what you want to know," I sighed, leaning back in the chair.

"I want to know you," he smiled. I shook my head as I looked away. "Why are you shaking your head?"

"You can't ask me to tell you who I am when I don't even know," I murmured.

"You don't know who you are?" asked Marcus. "I think you do."

"No, I don't," I whispered, feeling my eyes fill up with tears.

"Why do you think that?" he asked, leaning forward.

"Because there is so much I don't know yet." A tear traveled down my cheek and I wiped it away, angrily. Marcus handed me a box of tissues off the table next to the couch. I wiped my tears away. "I feel lost."

"You're not lost, though," he said.

"But I feel lost," I pleaded. "I feel like I am all alone in this fucking world."

"Have you always felt like this?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders. "Don't shrug your shoulders, Bella. Tell me."

"I don't know," I replied, honestly. "I've always been angry about being abandoned like I was. Of course at the time, I thought it was my birth parents who left me and not some jackhole."

"Do you blame them?" asked Marcus. "Your birth parents."

"Partially," I whispered. "They moved on."

"Explain," murmured Marcus. I shook my head.

"I don't want to talk about them right now," I muttered. Marcus leaned back on the couch, and brought his hands up to his lips, striking the perfect shrinks pose.

"You have a right to be angry," he said, a moment later.

"Good, cause I am," I said.

"But you can't keep all this anger inside of you," he continues. "It's going to destroy you, Bella."

"Maybe it already has," I murmured.

"It hasn't," he insisted. "I want you to do two things for me this week."

"Like homework?" I asked. Marcus smiled and nodded his head.

"First…do you have a guitar?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Ok, good," he smiled. "Bring it next time."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I want to see for myself if you are any good or not," he chuckled. I rolled my eyes.

"And the other thing you wanted me to do?" I asked.

"I want you to keep a journal," he said, standing up. He moved over to a book shelf in the back and pulled off two spiral notebooks. "Red or yellow."

"Yellow," I said. Marcus nodded his head as he put the red one up and brought the yellow one to me.

"Now, I am not asking you to come up with some big, dark juicy secret that you think I am trying to pull out of you," he said. "I want you to write down how you feel everyday. When you feel sad, write it down. Angry, confused, happy, anytime you feel something, write it down. Bring it next week and we will go over it together. Ok?" he asked.

"Ok," I said, quietly.

"Good, now why don't you wait outside while I talk to your dad for a few minutes," said Marcus.

I nodded my head before standing up and heading over to the door. I stopped and looked back at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he said, smiling.

"What if you don't like what I am feeling?" I asked. "Are you going to throw me away, too?"

"No, Bella," he said, frowning a little. "I am not throwing you away and neither is anyone else."

I turned and walked out of the office, leaving the door wide open. Taking the seat I had been in before, I told Carlisle that Marcus was wanting to speak to him. He leaned over and kissed the top of my head before walking into the office and shutting the door behind him. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead. How did I know that he wasn't going to get rid of me when he heard something he didn't like?

While I waited for my father to come out of Marcus' office, I could feel Janine's eyes on me. I wanted to scream at her to stop staring at me. I wanted to lash out at her that her waiting room was stupid and a three year old could do a better job decorating it but I didn't do either of those things. Instead, I tried my hardest to ignore her, to ignore the stupid brown leather around me, and just tried to disappear.

Carlisle came out a few minutes later. His eyes were red, and I knew he had been crying. What had Marcus told him that brought my father to tears? Carlisle set up my appointment for the following Friday and I followed him out to the car. We climbed in and headed over to a McDonalds, grabbing a couple of cheeseburgers and some fries before heading home.

"Are you ok?" he asked, once we were on the highway.

"Just peachy," I muttered, looking out the window. "What did he tell you?"

"Nothing," said Carlisle. I looked over at him. "He and I talked about how I was feeling and about setting up some time for your mom and brothers."

"Em and Jas won't go," I sighed, leaning my head back on my headrest and closing my eyes. "They don't care enough."

"They will," said Carlisle, confidently.

As Carlisle continued to drive, I pulled my knees up to my chest and drifted off to sleep.

_As I stood in the middle of the park, I looked around. The wind was blowing once again and the air was hot, stifling as it wrapped around me. I felt the urge to scratch at my throat, or at least gasp for air. The sun was brightly shining down on me yet I didn't really feel it. All around me kids were running and playing, screaming for the others to chase them or to follow them onto the slide. _

_A little girl with long, dark brown hair ran past me. I turned and watched as she jumped into her mother's arms. My hands flew to my lips as I saw Renee scoop her up, twirling around with her. The little girl laughed, letting her head fall back and holding her arms out. It was almost like she was trying to fly or something._

"_Are you ready to go home, Isabella?" asked Renee, nuzzling the girls cheek with her nose. The little girl shook her head as her arms dropped to her side._

"_The baby will be at home," whispered the girl, yet I heard her just fine. "Then you won't be able to play with me anymore."_

"_Isabella, you have to understand that Angela needs me. Just like you do," said Renee, setting the little girl on her feet. She knelt down, bringing her hands up to the little girls face. "But that doesn't mean that I don't love you or that I can't play with you. Besides, I need you to be my helper."_

"_She doesn't like me," frowned the little girl. She sniffed as she rubbed her eyes. "She always smiles at Brother but not at me."_

"_Angela loves you," murmured Renee. "She needs her big sister."_

_The little girl shook her hair, letting her long locks swing behind her. "She doesn't need me. None of you need me anymore."_

_Renee seemed to ignore the little girl as she stood up and headed over to her car. The girl started crying, chasing after her. I started sprinting after them but Renee was faster than the two of us. She climbed into her car and started driving away, leaving the little girl standing on the sidewalk, crying her eyes out. She looked back at me as I stopped running, panting as I tried to catch my breath._

"_Why don't they want us?" asked the little girl. I opened my mouth several times, trying to figure out what to say to her._

"_I don't know," I finally said. She turned and sat down on the sidewalk._

"_Maybe she'll come back for us," whispered the little girl, voice full of need and fear. "Mommy said she loves us. Daddy says he loves us all the time. They'll find us."_

"_What if they don't?" I asked, sitting down next to her. She looked up at me with wide, dark brown eyes._

"_They have to," she said. "Mommy and Daddy would never leave us behind."_

_I turned and looked up and down the street, searching for any indication that she was right but I saw none. Not one car coming or going. I looked back at the park behind us but it was empty. All the children were gone. There was nobody left but me and the little girl. I felt her place her hand on my shoulder and turned back. _

"_AHHH!" I screamed as I found myself face to face with the faceless man. _

"_You're nothing now," he gritted, pulling on my arm as he stood up. _

"_LET ME GO!" I cried, trying to grab onto anything I could but my hands slipped passed everything they touched. "PLEASE LET ME GO!"_

"_Go where?" he asked, looking down at me. The shadow covered his face, blocking my view of his eyes, mouth, nose, anything. "Nobody wants you now, Bella. They all hate you because you've ruined their lives."_

"_No," I sobbed, pulling away. He jerked me forward as he came up to a cliff. A cliff that wasn't there a minute ago. "Please, no!"_

_The faceless man, yanked me up to my feet and dangled me over the edge of cliff. From below me, I could see the waves crashing against the rocks, slamming with so much force that they could be heard echoing around me. I grabbed onto his hands, trying to hold on to me._

"_Please don't kill me," I begged. He threw his head back, laughing._

"_You're already nothing but empty space," he cackled, tossing me away from him. I fell backwards, soaring the air as I fell._

"NOOOOO!" I screamed, jerking forward as I woke up.

Carlisle was parked in the drive way of our house, kneeling outside of the car. He didn't seem to care that the rain was falling on him as he watched me, holding my hands down onto my lap. His face was contorted with fear and anguish. I could feel my tears pouring down my face and my entire body was shaking as I looked around, trying to make sure that the faceless man wasn't here, hiding until he could strike again.

"It's ok, sweetheart," murmured Carlisle, reaching across my lap and undoing my seat belt.

I nearly ran him over as I climbed out of the car, falling to my knees. Before my father could stop me, I scrambled to my feet and rushed into the house. Right past my mother, who was sobbing quietly on the porch, and my brothers, who looked terrified. I slammed the door against the wall as I ran into the house. My body was still shaking as I ran upstairs to my bedroom, falling to the floor and crawling into the corner.

"Bella," whispered Emmett, pushing my bedroom door open. I looked away from him. A loud thump echoed through my room as he dropped to the floor. He crawled over to me, lifting me up effortlessly, and placing me in his lap. I threw my arms around his neck, holding onto my big brother as tightly as I could. "I'm so sorry."

"Em," I cried. "Please don't hate me."

"I could never hate you," he whimpered. "I love you."

"Don't leave me again," I begged, burying my face into his neck.

"Never again," he whispered, letting his tears fall down, mixing with mine. Emmett tightened his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. "I'm never leaving you again."


	24. Chapter 24

The next morning, I crawled out of my bed, leaving Emmett asleep. He had held me as I cried myself to sleep, finally passing out from pure exhaustion. I wanted to believe that he really meant that he was sorry, that he was going to stop being such an ass to me and to Edward all the time, but I couldn't. It hurt to think that I couldn't take my brother at his word but over the last two weeks, he hadn't shown me that he was going to be my big brother again. Only time would tell, I supposed.

I shuffled downstairs to the living room and looked around. The room was dark, not quite lit up by the grey clouds that were starting to brighten up in front of the sun. The clock on the mantel read that it was just after six in the morning. Our mantel and shelves were covered in pictures of us. Carlisle and Esme's wedding pictures, pictures of Emmett and Jasper as babies in the hospital, then taking their first steps, first birthday parties. Then there were the ones of me; lost and alone, abandoned and forgotten.

Turning away from all the pictures, I moved over and pulled the yellow notebook out of my backpack and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch. I went outside and settled on one of the wicker chairs. Seems like I spent almost as much time out here as I did inside my room. There was something about this spot that made me feel better.

I wrapped the blanket around my legs and opened the notebook. Marcus wanted me to write out how I felt. He made it seem like it was easy trying to put down on paper everything that was welling up inside of me but it wasn't. There was so much that even I didn't know what it was, how could I write it out? I took a deep breath and brought my pencil down onto the notebook.

**Day One**

**I am supposed to write what I am feeling in here. I'm not sure I know what it is I am feeling but I guess I will try. The biggest thing I am feeling is confused. Everyone keeps telling me that it's going to be ok, that everything will work out. How can they know that? I certainly don't know that anything is going to be okay. I just want everything to be like it was. I want to be able to go to bed at night without having to worry about which nightmare I am going to have. I want that man to leave me alone. Can't he see that I am already nothing?**

I let the notebook close and pushed it onto the floor, not able to handle seeing the words that poured out of me. The door to the house opened and I looked over to see Emmett and Jasper come out. They shut the door behind them and came over and settled on the other two chairs, neither of them saying anything for several minutes.

"What are you doing out here?" asked Jasper. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Couldn't go back to sleep," I muttered, pulling the blanket up over my arms.

"Are you ok?" he asked. "You know, after yesterday."

I watched the clouds moving in the sky, shifting at a snails pace. "I…" I trailed off. "I don't want to talk about yesterday."

"Bella-"

"I don't want to talk about yesterday," I snapped, forcefully, interrupting Emmett.

"Margaret Chandler," sputtered Jasper. Emmett and I looked over at him. "Remember her from first grade?"

"Um, yeah," said Emmett, looking all sorts of confused. "Little chubby girl with frizzy hair."

"Yeah," sighed Jasper, dryly. "She used to follow us around at school all the time."

"Until Emmett told her to get lost," I said, smiling.

"She was gross," shuddered Emmett. "She never showered, like ever. She wore the same clothes every fucking day."

"Also, she used to keep live mice in her pockets," chuckled Jasper.

"Ok, I'm confused," I said, honestly. "What the fuck made you think about her?"

"I don't know," he muttered, embarrassedly. "She just left one day. I always wondered where she went."

"Her dad left her and her mom," I said, looking away from them. "Her mom couldn't handle her on her own so she sent Margaret to live with her grandparents in Texas."

"How the hell do you know all of this?" asked Emmett. I smiled as I looked over at him.

"She sent me a letter," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "She thought we were friends and I didn't have the heart to tell her we weren't. Not when she was already going through so much. She and I wrote a few letters back and forth but she stopped writing after a few months."

"Why didn't you tell us?" asked Jasper.

"You would have made fun of me for writing her back," I said, quietly. "She needed a friend, someone to listen to her complain. I guess, I understood what she was feeling."

"Is that why you are hanging around with Edward?" asked Emmett. "Cause you need someone to listen to you?"

"I am going out with Edward because I like him," I said, looking over at him. "Why are you with Rose?"

"Because she's sweet, beautiful, kind. She's…" he trailed off as he shook his head. "Crap, I don't know. She doesn't make me feel like I am just some dumb motherfucker. Most of the time, anyway."

"You're not a dumb, Em," I muttered, wrapping my arms around my knees.

"If I was smarter, I wouldn't have done all this shit that made you hate me," he mumbled.

"I don't hate you," I insisted. "I love you, but it hurts that you won't accept Edward as a part of my life, Emmett."

"You need him more than you need me," he whispered.

"That's not true," I said, quietly. "I need him in a different way, but not more than I need you or Jas, or Mom and Dad."

"You don't talk to us," muttered Jasper. I shook my head.

"You both don't want to hear what I have to say," I said.

"You're wrong," insisted Jasper and I looked over at him. "We may not like what you have to say but we hate you ignoring us more."

"I'm scared," I whispered, feeling the tears already welling up in my eyes.

"Of us?" asked Emmett.

"That you won't want me as your sister anymore," I cried. "The day I went to the cliffs, I had a nightmare in class. You both told me that I was betraying you and Mom and Dad. You threw rocks at me." I laid my head down on my knees as I cried. "You told me that I wasn't worth it anymore."

"We would never do that," whispered Emmett.

"But you have," I sobbed. "Maybe not with real rocks but with every hateful glare at me or Edward, with every word that you mutter under your breath about him being here, you are throwing stones at me and I can't take it anymore. I just want my brothers back but I can't let him go. I need him."

"We just want you back," whimpered Jasper, running his hands over his face. "You're our sister, Bell, but it's like the moment you found out about those fuckers, you decided that you didn't need us."

"How?" I asked. "How did I act like that?"

"You, fuck, Bella, you want to know them!" exclaimed Jasper, throwing his hands up.

"I need to know them," I muttered.

"You want to," whispered Emmett.

I shook my head as I looked away. "It's easy for you two," I said. "Mom and Dad can tell you both anything you want or need to know about when you were born. They have at least four photo albums filled with pictures of you when you were babies; getting your first baths, trying cereal for the first time." I paused as I wiped my tears away. "My baby pictures are locked away in a stranger's house. The early years of my life are locked away in the memories of two people that I share DNA with. People I don't even know yet we have the same blood," I murmured. Standing up, I let the blanket fall to the floor of the porch and walked over, wrapping my arms around one of the pillars on the porch. "You are asking me to not ask them about who I was before I became Bella Cullen; back when I was Isabella Swan."

"Why do you need to know her?" asked Emmett, moving over and standing next to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder at him. "What's wrong with just being Bella Cullen?"

"Nothing, and if we had never found Charlie and Renee Swan, I might have been able to live a happy life without question. Or at least, too many questions," I said, "However, regardless if we like it or not, we did find Charlie and Renee, and they are my birth parents. There are so many things I want to know. Why is it wrong for me to want to know who I was before I was found?"

"It's not," he muttered. "But what if you like them more than us?"

"That could never happen," I said, quietly.

"You can't know that," Jasper said, frowning as he came over and stood next to me and Emmett.

"I can," I insisted. "No matter what, you two assholes are my brothers."

"Promise?" asked Emmett, looking down at me. "Cause I don't want to lose you again."

"Do you promise to stop giving me and Edward so much shit?" I asked. Emmett grimaced as he looked out at the yard. "That's what I thought," I muttered, pulling away from him. He quickly pulled me back to him.

"You really like him?" asked Emmett.

"Yes," I whispered. "I really like him, Em. He's a good guy. You would like him, too, if you would pull your head out of your ass for five minutes."

"If he hurts you," muttered Emmett, gritting his teeth together.

"Yeah, I know," I sighed. "But he's not going to hurt me."

"I'll try," whispered Emmett, closing his eyes and letting a single tear travel down his face. "For you, I'll try."

"Thank you," I murmured, laying my head on his chest.

Jasper placed his hand on my shoulder, silently letting me know that he was going to try, too. Maybe this was a start to getting my brothers back. Only time could tell if we would ever be able to go back to how things were just a few short weeks ago. The three of us stood on the porch for a few more minutes before we headed inside. We found Carlisle and Esme sitting at the kitchen table, cups of coffee in front of them and serious looks on their faces. As Esme looked up at us, I saw that her eyes were red. She had been crying. Carlisle reached over and took her hand in his as he looked up at us.

"Take a seat," he said. Emmett, Jasper, and I moved over and settle down around the table, watching our parents the entire time. Carlisle lifted his eyes and looked right at me. "We need to talk about what happened yesterday."

I frowned. "I don't want to," I muttered, darkly, remembering the dream I had had on the way home.

"You can't keep pretending that the dreams aren't getting worse," he said. I looked away, feeling the tears building back up in my eyes. I was really tired of crying all the time. "Bella, please, talk to us."

"I don't want to talk about him," I whispered.

"Who?" asked Esme. I closed my eyes as a tear traveled down my face. "Bella, sweetheart, who?"

"I don't know who he is," I whispered. "He doesn't have a face."

"What does he do to you?" asked Carlisle.

I shook my head. "I don't want to talk about it," I whimpered, pulling my knees up. "Please don't make me talk about it."

"Ok, ok, I won't," he said, quickly. Jasper and Emmett each placed a hand on my shoulders. "Emmett, Jasper-your mom and I have been talking and we've decided that it would do you both some good to go see Bella's therapist, too."

"What?" asked Emmett. I opened my eyes and looked at him. Fear filled his eyes. "No, I don't want to."

"Me either," muttered Jasper.

"Look, I know it's scary," started Carlisle, "but we are all filled with so much anger. I will not sit back and let it destroy our family."

"We are working it out," insisted Emmett, placing his hands on the table. "We don't need a fucking shrink!"

"Language, Emmett," snapped Esme, standing up and slamming her hands down onto the table. "For the last month, I've sat here and watched my children fight amongst each other, and I won't do it any longer. I know you boys are scared to talk to someone. Dad and I are, too, but Bella needs us to do this for her, for our family."

"We will not force you," said Carlisle, standing up and placing his hand on Esme's back, "but your mother and I are going to start seeing him, too. We hope that you both will at least think about it before you dismiss the idea completely."

"This is bullshit," muttered Emmet. I sighed as I stood up, pushing my brother's hands off of me as I looked at my father.

"I told you they didn't care enough to go," I whispered. "I'll be in my room."

I left all four of them in the kitchen and headed up to my bedroom. As soon as Carlisle told me yesterday that he was hoping to get my brothers in there to talk to Marcus, I knew there was no way in hell they would go. They were both way too stubborn to see past themselves. I shut the door behind me, and climbed onto my bed, tossing my yellow notebook on to the table. It was glaring at me, begging me to spill my feelings inside. Instead of doing as I should, I reached over and pulled my guitar in my lap, letting it rest on my legs. Slowly, I started strumming it and closed my eyes.

"Once, there was a small girl  
Lost, alone, and scared of everything  
Never finding the family that threw her away  
Afraid of drowning in the darkness.

Everything she thought she knew changed  
Everyone she thought she knew was gone  
But she was still there, always there  
Waiting for anyone to care.

Just a little girl, looking for someone to love  
Just a little girl, begging for anyone to hold her  
Just a little girl, crying in the cold dark  
Just a little girl, left for dead and never thought of again.

Just as I sang the last word, I heard a gasp. I snapped my eyes open and found Esme standing in the doorway to my room, hands covering her mouth and tears pouring down her face.

"Is that how you feel?" she asked, lowering her hands. "Like they never thought of you again?"

I pulled on my bottom lip as I looked away. "Yes," I whispered.

"Oh, Sweetheart," she murmured, moving over and sitting on the side of my bed. Esme reached out and grabbed my hand. "They never forgot about you."

"You don't know that," I said, quietly.

"They told me," whispered Esme. I looked up at her. "Sweetheart, they told me and Dad how much they missed you."

"They didn't come for me, though," I argued.

"They didn't know where you were," she countered.

"I am so tired of hearing that," I seethed. "It's all I hear. I don't give a crap if they didn't know I was in LA. Two years went by, Mom. Two goddamn years and they never came for me."

"I know," she sighed, nodding her head. I pushed my guitar off my lap and brought my knees up.

"What if they did forget about me?" I asked.

"They didn't," she said, softly.

"But what if they did?" I asked, pleading with her to understand.

"Maybe you need to ask them that question," she suggested, bringing her hand up to my face.

"I can't," I whispered, dropping my eyes down to the bed.

"Yes, you can," she murmured. "You need to ask them that question, Bella."

"Mom, are you really going to go talk to Marcus?" I asked.

Esme nodded her head. "I need to talk to someone about how angry I am."

"At me?" I whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear but she did hear me.

"NO!" she gasped. "Bella, I could never be mad at you."

"I'm trying so hard," I whispered. "I really am but there is just so much…and I don't…I don't know how to get it out."

"Oh, sweetheart," she murmured, bringing my into her arms. "I don't know how either, but we will figure it out. I promise."

As I laid in my mother's arms, my cell phone chimed alerting me to a new text message. Wiping the tears off my face, I leaned over and pulled it off the night table and smiled. It was from Edward. Flipping my phone open, I quickly read his message.

**B-I hope you are ok. I called last night and your mom told me that you were sleeping. I've been a little worried. Are you still up for our date tonight?-E**

"Edward?" asked Esme. I blushed as I looked up at her and nodded. "I could tell by your smile."

"He wants to take me on a date tonight," I said, biting on my lip. "Can I go?"

"Of course you can," smiled Esme, pushing a strand of hair out of my face. "You deserve to have some fun. You just have to be home before midnight."

"Thanks, Mom," I said, smiling. I leaned up and kissed her cheek. "For everything."

"You're welcome," she whispered. "I'll have breakfast ready soon."

"Ok," I murmured. As Esme left my room, pulling the door shut behind her, I replied to Edward's message.

**E-I'm ok. Just tired, as usual. I am most definitely up for our date tonight.-B**

I placed my phone back on my nightstand before I climbed off and changed out of the clothes I had been wearing since yesterday. I was just coming out of the bathroom, after I brushed my teeth, when my cell chimed again. Smiling, I went over and picked it up, flipping it open.

**B-I'll pick you up at seven. Dress warm and I'm still pulling you back, Baby.-E**


	25. Chapter 25

By the time I started getting ready for my date with Edward, I was a nervous wreck. Not because I was going to be alone with him but because I worried that Emmett and Jasper weren't going to give him a chance. I really wanted to believe that at least a little bit of what I said to them this morning had sunk in, but given the fact that they had both flounced the idea of going to therapy, I wasn't so sure. It would appear that while going to see a shrink was perfectly fine for me, it wasn't for them.

I spent the afternoon, locked away in my bedroom and ignoring the yellow notebook that started out on my night stand. Started out because as soon as it became too much for me to look at, I shoved it into the top drawer in my dresser but that didn't really help. I could still feel it calling out to me, begging for me to share my feelings with it. Stupid, pain in the ass, notebook.

Just before six, I took a shower. Not a normal, quick to the point shower, either, but a long, hot, relaxing shower that lasted a good half hour. Once I was a prune, I climbed out of the shower and dried off, taking the time to make sure every inch of me was dry. I used my favorite lotion, Victoria Secret's Pure Seduction, applying the lotion to every inch of my body. It wasn't like I was planning on seducing Edward but there was something about this lotion that made me feel special, beautiful.

I dried my hair and attempted to curl it but my hair was a straight as a board and held absolutely no curl to it. After I gave up on my hair, I put on some make-up. Not a lot, just a little blush and some lip gloss. Of course, now came the hard part. What do I wear? Edward told me to dress warm, which made me a little worried seeing at it was freezing outside but I trusted him. In the end, I decided to go with a pair of black jeans that fit like a glove, a cream sweater and my black leather stiletto boots that Esme bought me from Christmas last year. I hardly ever wore them but she said that every woman needs a pair of dress boots.

I had just finished dressing and was standing in front of my full length mirror when someone knocked on my bedroom door. Not taking my eyes off of my own reflection, I hollered for them to come in. The door was pushed open and through the mirror, I saw my mother leaning against the doorframe with a huge smile on her face. It might have been my imagination but it looked like she had tears in her eyes as well.

"You look beautiful," she said, quietly.

"Thank you," I murmured, smoothing down the front of my sweater. "I'm so nervous and I don't understand why."

"It's your first date," Esme smiled, pushing off the doorframe and moving up behind my, laying her hands on my shoulders.

"What about when we all went to Port Angeles?" I asked.

Esme smiled, sweeping my hair behind my shoulder. "That was a group thing. It doesn't count."

"Oh," I whispered.

"Are you ready?" she asked. "Edward's waiting for you downstairs."

"You left him down there alone?" I asked, eyes popping wide open.

"He's with your father," she laughed.

"WHAT?" I screamed. "Mom, Dad's probably telling him to go to hell right now!"

"He is not," she scoffed. "And don't use that language, it's not lady like."

I ignored my mother as I grabbed my leather jacket off my bed, shoving my arms in as I rushed out of the room. Esme reached out and grabbed my arm, smiling as I looked back at her. I took a deep breath as I followed her down the stairs and prayed that my father hadn't chased Edward off. However, when I came downstairs, I found Edward and Carlisle sitting in the living room, awkward silence surrounding them.

As soon as I stepped off the bottom step, however, they both stood up. Edward smiled, causing me blush a bright shade of red. Edward was wearing a pair of dark jeans, a white dress shirt that had been left untucked, and a black sports jacket. My father also smiled but his was the adoring, tight lipped smiled of a man who wasn't sure he could let his daughter out of the house. Esme placed her hand on my shoulder as we walked across the room to where Edward and Carlisle were standing.

"Wow," said Edward, turning pink around the ears. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," I murmured, heat flooding my cheeks. "You look great, too."

"Oh, thanks," he chuckled, nervously. Carlisle cleared his throat and we both looked up at him.

"Remember that you have a curfew, Bella," said Carlisle, tightly. "Midnight."

"I know, Dad," I muttered, feeling totally embarrassed.

"And, um, Edward," said Carlisle, clearing his throat again and shifting from one foot to the other. "I want…No, I need…Look, I'm sorry for being a jerk to you," mumbled my father.

I stared at him in complete amazement. My father was apologizing to Edward for being rude to him? Was the universe coming to an end?

"It's ok, sir," said Edward. "You were worried about her. I understand."

"No, it's not ok," muttered Carlisle. "I shouldn't have treated you like you were a threat to my family, Edward. Not when you were taking such good care of my daughter."

"Daddy," I whispered. Carlisle turned and smiled at me.

"Have fun tonight, Sweetheart," he murmured.

I nodded my head, unable to find the words. It took a lot for my father to stand before me and Edward and admit that he was wrong. I stepped over and hugged him, silently thanking him for accepting Edward's place in my life. As Carlisle wrapped his around me, I knew that he was silently telling me that he sorry to me, too, for how he behaved.

"Oh, hey, Edward," said Emmett. I pulled back from my father and looked back toward the stairs as Emmett and Jasper stepped off the bottom step. Emmett's fists were clinched tightly and the vein in the side of his neck was throbbing. He shifted his eyes from Edward over to me, and they softened a bit. "You two going out tonight?"

"Yeah," said Edward, slipping his arm around my waist.

Emmett nodded his head as he walked over to the door. He pulled his coat on and looked back at me. "Well…" he trailed off. "Have fun, I guess."

"We will," I said, quietly. Emmett once again nodded his head and walked out of the house. Inwardly, I sighed in relief. Emmett still had a ways to go with Edward but it was a step in the right direction.

"I'd better get going before Alice calls," laughed Jasper. His laughter was tight and controlled as he looked from me to Edward. "Don't want to make her mad."

"No, you don't," admitted Edward, smiling at my brother. "She's…scrappy."

"I know," muttered Jasper, shifting his eyes to me. "You look really pretty."

"Thanks," I murmured, quietly.

Jasper followed Emmett out of the house and I looked up at Edward, who had a look of shock and relief on his face. Edward led me over to the front door, holding it open for me. From behind me, I could hear my parents laughing quietly to themselves as the blush spread across my cheeks again. Yeah, cause it's so funny that I blush every time Edward looked at me. Edward ignored them, too, as he led me down the front steps and down the pathway to his car. Opening the door for me, he smiled and motioned for me to climb in. Of course, I did so, trying to be as graceful as I could be but I'm sure I looked like the biggest dork. Edward closed the door behind me and ran around the front of the car, sliding in behind the wheel. I looked over at him as he turned the key, riving the engine.

"So what are we doing tonight?" I asked.

Edward cocked an eyebrow at me and said, "It's a surprise."

"I really don't like surprises," I sighed, leaning my head back onto the headrest.

"You'll like this one," he smiled. "I promise."

Instead of arguing with him, I let it go. Edward shifted his car into drive and took off. I watched him as he drove us through the small town of Forks, Washington. Edward had a huge smile on his face, like he couldn't believe that he was actually inside this car with me. He looked over at me, smiling wider and causing me to blush.

"Beautiful," he murmured. He cleared his throat and turned back to the road. "I mean, you are beautiful."

"Edward," I breathed, softly.

Edward didn't say anything as he pulled up behind a tall, brick building that stood at least ten stories up. Before I could say anything, he climbed out of the car and rushed around to my side, pulling open the door and offering my his hand. Once again, I blushed as I placed my hand in to his. Edward's smile stayed on his face as he pulled me out of the car and shut the door behind me. He kept my hand in his as he led me up a small ramp to the back door of the building. Fiddling with the handle, he pulled the door open.

"Come on," he said, quietly.

"I don't know about this," I murmured, warily. "What if we get caught?"

"Trust me, we won't get caught," whispered Edward, pulling on my hand. I nibbled on my bottom lip, nervously. "Bella Cullen, trust me," said Edward, pulling our joined hands up to his lips.

"Ok," I murmured, breathlessly.

I followed Edward into the building and let the door fall shut behind us. Edward let go of my hand and slipped his arm around my waist, holding me against him. He pulled out a flashlight and pulled me down the narrow hallway. As we made our way through the building, I could feel my body shaking. Whether it was from the fear of getting caught or the thrill of doing something so incredibly stupid, I wasn't sure. All I really knew was that this was fun, and I was with Edward. That made it all worth it.

Edward led me over to the stairs and we slowly started making our way up the ten flights. The building was completely dark and had an eerie feel to it but I wasn't scared. I was with Edward and I knew he wouldn't let anything happen to me. We finally made our way up all the stairs and found ourselves standing in front of a large, iron door. Edward looked back at me as he reached out and pushed the door open. I stepped over the threshold and gasped.

The roof of the building had been covered in white, sparkling Christmas lights. In the middle of the roof, sat a small table with a dark blue table cloth, candles, and two plates that had been covered. Just a few feet from there was a fire pit, burning brightly and warming the rooftop. It was like we were in a world away from reality. Edward took my hand in his as he led me over and pulled out my chair for me. I was speechless as I sat down, still taking everything he had set up for us in. He truly was amazing.

"Are you going to say anything?" he asked, taking the seat across from me.

I smiled. "This is just so…amazing," I murmured, looking up at him. "How did you do all of this?"

"Ah, a good boyfriend doesn't reveal his magic to anyone," he said, smugly. I shook my head and looked around.

"What if someone sees the lights and we get into trouble?" I asked.

"We won't," he assured me. I cocked an eyebrow as I looked back over at him. "We won't!"

"How can you be so sure?" I asked.

"I have some pull with the owners of this fine building," he smirked.

"Oh, really?" I asked. Edward's smirk grew as he nodded his head. "Who would that be?"

"Ed and Elizabeth Masen," he laughed.

"Your parents own this building?" I asked.

"Yep," he chuckled. "My dad is in the process of getting it remodeled into an apartment building for people who are less fortunate than we are but he said I could use it tonight."

"Oh," I murmured.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, eagerly.

"Yeah," I smiled.

Edward reached across the table and pulled the cover off my plate, uncovering the biggest cheeseburger I had ever seen. It covered the plate and actually hung off the edge a little. As I looked up at Edward, he pulled the cover off of his plate, showing that his plate held a large piece of chocolate cake.

"I figured we'd share," he smirked.

"Thank fucking god, cause there is no way in hell I could eat all of this," I laughed, gesturing to the monster burger in front of me.

"But it's the best burger in the fucking country," he smiled, moving his chair over so that he was sitting right next to me.

"We had the best burgers in LA," I said, as he cut the burger in half.

"Tell me about LA," he said, quietly.

"What do you want to know?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Everything about you," he murmured.

I blushed as I looked down at my plate. "Ok," I said, quietly. "Well, I love LA. It's so different from here."

"Better?" he asked.

Looking up at him, I shook my head. "Not better, just different," I clarified. Edward placed his arm on the back of my chair as we started eating. "It was warmer and the sun actually shined."

"The sun comes out here," he laughed.

"Not very much," I said.

"Did you have to leave a lot of friends?" he asked.

"No, Em and Jas and I pretty much stuck together," I said, quietly. "It was just easier."

"How?" he asked.

"There were a lot of people in our school, Edward," I explained. "I wasn't…It's hard for me to trust people. I kept so much locked away."

"You can trust me," he whispered.

I looked up at him. "I do, Edward. I'm trusting you with my heart."

Edward and I finished our burger and managed to eat about half of the cake before we were both too full for another bite. It had been awhile since I had had an appetite big enough to eat half of what I had eaten tonight. Edward stood up and rolled the table to over the side and offered me his hand.

"Dance with me."

"There's no music," I pointed out, placing my hand in his.

Edward smirked as he pulled me to my feet, while pulling a remote out of his jacket pocket. He clicked on something and suddenly, the rooftop was filled with music. Soft, sensual jazz that wrapped around the two of us, pulling us towards each other. I giggled as Edward stowed the remote back into his pocket and pulled me so that I was flush against his body. Feeling his arms wrap around my body, I shuddered.

"Cold?" he whispered.

"No," I whispered, feeling myself being emotional. "I'm not cold."

"Why do you have tears in your eyes?" he asked, bringing his hand up and wiping away a tear before it could fall.

"I don't know," I laughed, quietly. "This is just so perfect."

"Oh," he smiled, running his hand down my arm and weaving his fingers in with mine.

He pulled our hands up, tucking them between us. I laid my head against his chest as we danced, letting our bodies move to the sounds of our hearts beating and the soft notes floating around us. It was almost as if in this moment, nothing mattered but me and Edward. Just the two of us on this rooftop, away from all the sadness, the hurt and pain. Just two kids, finding each other under the starless night and the perfect little world that Edward had built for us.

I shifted my eyes up to him and found him watching me with a smile playing on his lips. Pushing up onto my toes, I pressed my lips to his. Edward let go of my hand and moved his arm around my body, holding me tightly against his body as we kissed. The heat from the fire pit may have warmed our bodies but our kiss warmed our souls.

I moved my hand up his chest, to the back of his head and laced my fingers into his hair, deepening the kiss. Edward swiped at my lower lip and I spread my lips, letting his tongue in. Edward's lips became more urgent on mine, kissing me harder than ever. Panting, I pulled my lips from his. Edward moved his lips down to my neck, placing small butterfly type kisses along my skin.

"Edward," I gasped, feeling my skin tingle.

"God, Bella, you have no idea just what you do to me," he moaned, bringing his lips up to my ear. "I love you."

My heart stopped and I completely froze. Edward just said that he loved me. Me, Bella Cullen, the girl who had been losing her mind over the last month and half. How in the world could Edward love me, it didn't make any kind of sense. Edward pulled back, peering down at me. Uncertainly flashed through his eyes and I stepped away, letting his arms fall to the side. How could he love me?

"Bella-"

"I can't say it back," I whispered, interrupting him.

"I'm not asking you, too," he said, quietly. "I'm just telling you how I feel."

"How can you love me?" I asked. "You've barely known me a month and a half."

"How could I not love you?" he countered. "The past month and half of my life has been fucking amazing, Bella. That's because of you."

"Nothing over the last month and a half has been good, Edward," I muttered, darkly.

"I've gotten to hold you in my arms," he said, pulling me back to him. "I've gotten to kiss you, to listen to you, to just be near you. You've made me feel alive for the first time in a really long time, Bella Cullen. How could I not love you?"

"You don't see me clearly at all," I whispered.

"I see you clearly, it's you who doesn't see herself clearly," he murmured. "One day, you will. When that day happens, I will be right there next to you."

"Holding me back?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Holding on as tightly as I can, baby," he murmured. "Come on, I'd better get you home."

Edward and I made our back into the building and down the stairs to the first floor. He kept his arm around my waist as we walked out to his car. The drive back to my house was made in completely silence. My mind was completely reeling over the fact that Edward said that he loved me. I just couldn't comprehend why or how he could love me. It didn't make any type of sense.

Edward pulled his car up in front of my house and came around to help me out. He kept my hand in his as he walked me up to the front door. I nervously pulled on my bottom lip as I looked up at him, afraid of what I would see. I had expected anger or hurt, but I saw neither. Instead, I saw a big, beautiful smile and sparkling green eyes. Was it really possible for Edward to love me?

"I had a great time tonight," I said, blushing.

Edward brought his hand up to my face, brushing my cheek softly. "Me too," he murmured. "Can I call you tomorrow?"

"You had better," I laughed. Leaning up on my toes, I kissed him, quickly. "Goodnight."

"Great night," he smiled, kissing me again.

Blushing bright red again, I turned and walked into the house, closing the door behind me. Esme and Carlisle were sitting on the couches, watching me but I couldn't focus any attention on them. For some reason, Edward loved me. Was it possible that I loved him, too?


	26. Chapter 26

When I was a little girl, Sunday mornings were spent watching cartoons in the living room with my Barbie blanket and a bowl of fruit loops. Emmett and Jasper would bring down their GI Joe blankets and get their own cereal and the three of us would watch television while Carlisle and Esme slept in. I'm not really sure when that changed, when we stopped spending Sunday mornings together, but we had. Instead of spending the morning on the couch between my brothers, I found myself outside on the front porch, blanket wrapped around me as tightly as I could and watching the sun. It really did come out here.

I wasn't alone on the porch this morning. My little yellow notebook was sitting on the table next to me. I needed to open it and write everything I was feeling but there were so many things I was feeling, that I wasn't sure where to even begin. Reluctantly, I picked up the notebook and opened it to the second page.

**Day 2**

**I barely remember the day I was found in front of that hospital. Mostly just sounds; the nurses talking, the sounds of the doors opening and closing. The feel of the vinyl bed as I moved. The tears pouring down my face and the lost feeling inside of me. I remember wanting my mommy and daddy. I can remember the nurses telling me that they were looking for them but they never came. My Aunt came. I was sent to a new family; one that loved me and took me as if I had been born to them, but my other family, the voices in my dreams, they never came for me. **

**I'm mad. There really is no other way to explain how I feel right now. I'm mad that they didn't find me when I was a little girl, begging for them. I'm mad that they did now that I had given up any hope of finding them. I'm angry that some drugged-out asshole, decided that we were nothing and that he could take from us. That he could just dump me like I was nothing more than a piece of trash. That's how I feel, sometimes. Like I'm nothing, a piece of paper that you throw away. Why didn't they keep looking for me? Why couldn't they find me? Was it that hard to hear my cry? Were they even listening? Would they want me now, if they knew who I was? **

**And I am confused. I am confused because Edward Masen loves me. I just don't understand why.**

The front door opened and I quickly closed the notebook, feeling like I was wearing every emotion that I had just spilled out onto the lined paper. My mother came out carrying two coffee cups, only one of them with the black liquid. She handed me a cup of apple cider and settled into the chair next to me, sipping on her coffee and looking around.

"First time, I've seen the sun since we moved here," she commented.

"Me too," I said, softly. "I've missed it."

"So have I." Esme sighed as she looked over at me. "How was your date?"

I blushed. "It was…" I trailed off, searching for the right word. "It was perfect."

"You really like him, don't you?" asked Esme. I pulled on my bottom lip as I looked up at her, feeling vulnerable.

"A lot," I whispered. "It kind of scares me."

"Why does it scare you?" she asked, reaching over and placing her hand on top of mine.

"I don't know," I murmured, looking away. "It's like when I am with him, that nothing else exists. Like all the crap…I feel safe with him. I feel beautiful and smart."

"You are beautiful and smart," she said, gently. I shifted my eyes back over to her. "Daddy makes me feel like that, too."

"He does?" I asked.

Esme nodded. "Your father can look at me and I forget about everything else," she murmured.

"Mom, do you like Edward?" I asked.

"He seems to be a nice boy," she said, nodding her head. "I would like to get to know him better, though."

"I don't want him to be here," I murmured.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because Em and Jas hate him," I explained. "Dad can hardly tolerate him."

"Dad likes Edward, honey," she reassured me.

"He does?" I asked.

"As much as any father can like the boy falling in love with his daughter."

Esme kissed the top of my head before heading back into the house. I tightened the blanket around me and looked back out at the yard. My mother was so perceptive sometimes. She could always see what others couldn't. She always knew what others didn't. Did she really know that Edward thought he was in love with me? Was it possible he really did love me? Was it possible that I was falling in love with him?

My train of thought was broken as Edward pulled his car up in front of my house, slamming the door as he climbed out. I started to smile but then I saw the look on his face, the pure rage that was pouring off of him. What had happened since last night that had upset him so much? And why did I have a feeling that everything was going to hell once again?

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked, standing up. His nostrils flared as he snapped his eyes to me. However, they softened just a smidge as he looked at me.

"Where is he?" he asked, harshly.

"Who?" I asked.

"Emmett," hissed Edward. "I want to talk to him right now."

"Tell me what is going on," I said.

Before he could answer, the front door opened and we both looked over to see Emmett and Jasper. Emmett's jaw tightened, as it usually did, but it was Jasper's reaction that stuck out the most to me. Shame washed over his face as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and looked down at his feet. What the hell had happened?

"You and I need to talk," muttered Edward, pointing at Emmett. My brother folded his arms in front of his chest, offering up nothing. "You can treat me like a piece of shit all you want. You have no right to treat him like one."

"What is going on here?" I asked, throwing my hands up. Edward looked over at me, sighing.

"I was up all night, talking Garrett off the ledge because this asshole," said Edward, pointing at Emmett, "tormented him all night at the party of over at Alice's about how you would never have anything to do with him."

My fell open as I looked over at Emmett, who was staring at the ground. "Is that true, Emmett?" I asked.

"No," he muttered. "I didn't torment him."

"Bullshit," grumbled Edward. "You have no clue what his life has been like. He's doing the best he can to give her time, give you all time. All he wants is to be her friend and you've done nothing, Emmett, nothing but treat him like shit."

"He's trying to take my sister away," snapped Emmett.

"He can't!" yelled Edward, running his hands through his hair. "He's done nothing to deserve this!"

"Is he ok?" I asked, dropping the blanket and moving over to Edward.

"Who cares," muttered Emmett.

"I care," I snapped. "Believe it or not, Emmett. You promised me that you were going to make an effort."

"I am," insisted Emmett.

"Bullshit," said Edward, shaking his head. "You're fucking idiot, Emmett. I've stood by for weeks and watched you hurt Bella, because I understood that you were scared. She needs you and you need her, I would never do anything to get in between that. But Garrett is my brother, practically. If it wasn't for him, I would have been lost. I won't stand around and watch you tear him down. He's been hurting, too."

"Who gives a fuck if he's been hurting?" yelled Emmett. I gasped, shocked by the sheer venom in his voice. "He's nothing," hissed Emmett. "He had his chance to keep her but he blew it. They all blew it."

"EMMETT!" I gasped, stepping away from Edward. "How can you be so cruel?"

"They had their chance to find you, Bell," he pleaded. "They didn't. They gave up!"

"What the hell is going on out here?" snapped Carlisle, pushing his way through my brothers. Looking around, he placed his hands on his hips.

Shaking my head, I ignored my father and stared at Emmett. "Do you hear yourself?" I asked. "Garrett was baby, Emmett. A goddamn baby!" I yelled. "How could he have done anything?"

"He's trying to take you away," said Emmett, looking up at me. "You're my sister, not his."

"Why can't she be both?" asked Edward, causing everyone to look at him. "You're making her choose, them or you. What kind of brother would make her do that?"

"What do you know about being a brother?" snapped Emmett. "You're an only child."

Edward tensed and I laid my hand on his arm. "Emmett, you should learn to keep your mouth closed," I said, quietly. "There are things you don't know."

"No, it's fine, Bella," said Edward, slipping his out from under my hand. He looked Emmett right in the eye. "Elliana."

"Edward," I murmured, turning to him. By now, my mother had come out. "You don't have to tell them."

"My sister's name was Elliana," continued Edward, lip trembling and voice wavering. I slipped my arms around him, holding him as tight as I could. It was my turn to support him. As Edward brought his arms up, he said, "She was six years old when…when she died." Esme gasped. "The last words I…I said to her were said in anger, Emmett. Can you imagine how much I regret that?" asked Edward. I reached up and wiped a tear off his face.

"No," muttered Emmett.

"You're going to lose her," said Edward, covering my hand with his. "You will live the rest of your life regretting the way you've been acting." Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry to come over like this."

"It's fine," I whispered.

"I've gotta get back to him," murmured Edward. "Can I call you later?"

"I'll come with you," I said, quickly.

"He's at his house," whispered Edward. I closed my eyes, knowing exactly what he was meaning.

"I'll go," I barely whispered, hearing my voice shake.

"You can't go over there, Bella," argued Emmett. I turned and looked at him. "You're picking them over us."

"No, you're picking your pride over me," I said. "Don't make me choose, Emmett. Please, don't make me choose."

"Bella-"

"Go, Bella," said Esme, placing her hand on Emmett. I snapped my eyes over to her. She had tears in her eyes, sorrow pouring off of her. "It's ok, go."

"Mom," I whispered.

"I know," she said, smiling. "We'll talk when you get home."

I nodded my head before turning and following Edward down the front steps and to his car. He pulled open the door for me, and I looked back at my family. Emmett turned and stormed into the house, leaving Esme, Carlisle, and Jasper standing there. My heart felt like it was splitting in two but I knew, deep in my heart I knew that I needed to go talk to Garrett. It was my turn to make a move. As I slid into Edward's car, I hoped that it wasn't going to cost me everything I had.

Edward didn't say anything as we drove through Forks. Maybe he was afraid that if he said anything, that I would jump out of the car and change my mind. Perhaps, I would have. My nerves were on fire. I wasn't sure I was ready to see Charlie and Renee again; to be in their house but Garrett had given me time to deal. Edward pulled his car up in front of a small white house. Well, smaller than my house. He cut the engine but didn't make any effort to climb out. I looked over at him, smiling softly.

"You don't have to do this," he said. "I can deal with him all on my own."

"I'm fine," I murmured, turning back to the house and opening my car door. "Let's go."

My legs felt like lead as I climbed out of Edward's car. I literally had to will them to move up the sidewalk, up the few short steps and onto the porch. Edward had his hand on the small of my back, almost like he was prodding me up the path. He looked down at me as he turned the door knob and pushed the door open. I questioned him with my eyes on just walking inside.

"They told me never to knock," he murmured. "They said I was family."

I couldn't get my voice to work so I just nodded my head. As we stepped in, Charlie and Renee came through the living room, stopping the moment they saw me. I had to fight the urge to turn and run out of the house. I had to stop myself from blurting out every question that was sitting on the tip of my tongue because this wasn't about me, I was here for Garrett. I just had to keep reminding myself of that.

"Is Garrett still in his room?" asked Edward, sliding his arm around my waist, tucking me into his side. An act that did not go unnoticed by Charlie or Renee.

"Yes," they both said, still staring at me. I averted my eyes, feeling like I had the word freak written across my forehead.

"We're going to…." Edward trailed off as Angela came down the stairs. She stopped about two steps from the bottom, glaring at me.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" she asked, folding her arms in front of her chest.

"Language, Angela," they said together. Angela rolled her eyes as she jumped off the last two steps, brushing past me as she walked through the door.

"Now that the bitch is back, guess I know where I belong," she smarted off.

Charlie and Renee both sighed as Angela walked through the door and out onto the front porch. Without even thinking about it, I spun around, following her outside. I grabbed Angela's arm, forcing her to face me. The look of shock on her face was enough to give me the courage to keep going.

"Look, you don't have to like me," I said, harshly. "To be honest, you're not exactly my favorite person right now, either, but you should have more respect for Charlie and Renee than to be such a little bitch."

"Charlie and Renee," she laughed, callously. "You don't know shit about good ole Mom and Dad, Isabella. You've been the bitch, who hadn't wanted anything to do with us because we aren't good enough for you. You know, what? That's fine. We were better off thinking you had died."


	27. Chapter 27

Angela's words hung in the air, slapping the shit out of me. Sharp, stabbing pains of hurt and anguish spiked through me, cutting the small amount of confidence I had into shreds. Angela stood there in front of me, looking just as shocked as I was that she just said those words. Angela wished I had actually been killed when I was taken. She actually thought it would have been better if that monster had killed me and left me on the side of the road like I was nothing. She thought I was trash. Tears pricked my eyes. How could someone be so fucking cruel?

"How the hell can you say that?" I spun around and saw Garrett come storming out of the house, glaring at Angela. I was still too shocked to say anything. Garrett looked from me to her, shaking his head. "Do you ever stop thinking about yourself?" he asked.

"Myself?" snapped Angela. "If I don't think about myself, then nobody else would."

"That is bullshit," said Garrett. "You've played the victim for too long. You think they don't give a shit about you but you're wrong. You are the only one who has lived in anyone's shadow, Ang."

"It's always been about her," cried Angela, gesturing to me. "Every goddamn day is about her and why doesn't she want us!"

"No, it hasn't," said Garrett, dryly. "We've all tried, Angela, but you choose to be a goddamn baby about how unfair we are all the time. When was the last time that you made the effort, Angela? When was the last time you looked at our parents and saw how much they were hurting because not only are they missing her but you, too?"

"They don't miss me," muttered Angela.

"That's not true, Angela," said Renee, causing us all to look back at her. She and Charlie were standing on the porch with their arms wrapped around themselves. "I don't know how many times over the past five years I've asked you to go shopping or to a movie. How many times I've asked if you wanted to talk? You won't let me in."

"Why should I?" spat Angela. "Every time we did before it was always about her and how I was fucking everything up. "

"Don't use that language, and don't use that tone with your mother," ordered Charlie. "I've had enough of this. We've made the effort, we've tried to talk to you but you won't let us."

"Whatever," muttered Angela, turning and walking away.

"STOP!" roared Charlie. Angela stopped in her tracks and spun around, shocked. "You will go into the house and sit on the couch. We are going to talk about this."

"I don't want to," she snapped, defiantly.

"I don't care what you want to do," said Charlie. "I won't let you push us away any longer. I won't lose another daughter."

Guilt filled me.

"Fine," muttered Angela, walking past me. "But it's not going to make a difference."

Renee went to place her hand on Angela's shoulder as she walked past her but she moved. Renee's face dropped. She turned and looked back at me. "We're sorry," she said, quietly. "It…I…Are you…" Renee trailed off as she ducked her head. "I don't know what else to say. We miss you."

"You do?" I asked.

"Of course we do," said Charlie. I looked over at him.

"You don't know me," I said, sharper than I intended. "For all you know I'm just as much of a bitch as she is."

"You're not but it wouldn't matter if you were," said Charlie. "We love Angela, despite her attitude." Charlie hesitated. "And we love you, too, even if we don't know the real you yet."

I shook my head as I looked around. "I'm not ready," I murmured. "I want to be able to believe you but…" I trailed off. "There is so much that I need to know but…I'm not ready yet."

"We'll be here when you are," said Renee.

As Renee turned and walked into the house, Charlie stood there, looking between me and Edward and Garrett. "I…" he trailed off, dropping his eyes. "I had better get inside."

"Ok," I murmured.

Charlie turned and walked back into the house, shutting the door behind him. A part of me wanted to run up and beat on the door, throwing out every question that I had bottled up inside of me, but the other part of me, the part that I would listen to, was telling me that I couldn't risk it. I couldn't take the chance that their answers would be worth asking my questions.

"Are you ok?" asked Edward, slipping his arm around my waist.

I shook my head. "No," I muttered, leaning my forehead on his chest. "I am so far from being ok."

"Bella, I'm sorry about her," started Garrett. "She's just so…"

"Bitchy? Angry? Bitter?" I supplied, hatefully. "I get it, I really do. I've ruined her life, just like I've done everyone else's. I don't need to be reminded of it all the goddamn time."

I pulled away from Edward and moved down to the curb, plopping down. Laying my head on my knees, I tried to stop the traitorous tears from falling down my face but they did. I could understand that Angela didn't like me. Honestly, she wasn't even close to being my favorite person in the world, but to wish that I was dead? That was beyond cruel.

"Bella, you haven't ruined anyone's life," said Garrett, sitting down next to me. Edward sat down on the other side of me, taking my hand in his.

"What did Emmett say to you last night?" I asked, looking over at him. Garrett tensed and looked away.

"I didn't want you to get in this, Edward," he muttered, darkly.

"I told you that I wasn't going to put up with it," replied Edward, just as darkly. "Elli wouldn't have wanted me to sit back and let that shit go."

"Whatever," grumbled Garrett.

"What did he say?" I asked, slowly placing my hand on Garrett's shoulder. He looked down at my hand before looking up at my eyes. Tears filled both of ours.

"He said that you would never want me as a brother, that I couldn't take care of Angela or you," whispered Garrett. "He kept talking about how you two do all this shit together and how he knows all this stuff about you…" Garrett trailed off as he brought his hand up, covering mine. "I tried to tell him that all I was asking was to be your friend but he just wouldn't listen."

"What was Jasper doing?" I asked, quietly.

"Nothing," murmured Garrett. "He kept telling Emmett to shut up and drop it but he wouldn't. I just left."

"I am so sorry," I whispered, through my tears. "I honestly never thought Emmett could be so cruel, Garrett."

"It doesn't matter," he muttered, looking away. "He's right. I can't take care of her. She's been a bitch for over a year now. I thought she needed time or space or whatever but she just gets more pissed off."

"I can tell," I whispered, pulling my hand out from under his and looking at the ground.

"It had nothing to do with you, Bella," sighed Garrett. I rolled my eyes. "Angela wants someone to blame because she doesn't want to admit that she's the one with the wrong attitude."

"She blamed me before she knew I was her…that I used to be Isabella," I muttered. "She told me that she's lived in the shadow of a her ghost for years."

"Haven't we all?" asked Garrett, shaking his head. "Were we supposed to just forget that you ever existed, Bella?"

"Maybe," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "It might have saved us all some heartache if you all had just forgotten about me."

"Do you really think that it would have helped anyone to do that?" he asked.

"I don't know," I murmured, pulling my hand out from under his. "I've hurt so many people and don't know how to fix it."

"You haven't done anything," whispered Garrett, crossing his arms in front of him. I laid my head on my knees and looked at him. "When I saw your picture, I just couldn't believe it, Bella. I told myself that there was no way in hell that you could be my sister."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because sitting on a shelf in our living room is a picture of you at your third birthday party," he explained. "Everyday for years, I would talk to you. I memorized every detail of you. I knew."

"There are pictures of me …in there?" I asked, choking up.

"Tons," he murmured. "Mom…Renee loves her camera and is always snapping pictures. She has dozens of photo albums in there. Nearly half of them have pictures of you."

I felt like I couldn't breath as I looked back at the house. Somewhere in that house were pictures that held the first three years of my life. I stood up, stumbling back a few steps. They were right there, so close. I shook my head, bringing my hands up and covering my mouth as I stifled the strangled scream that almost slipped out. Garrett and Edward jumped to their feet, each grabbing one of my arms. I was inside that house, memories of me. Memories that I didn't have.

"Do…they…look…at…them?" I cried.

"All the time," murmured Garrett, reaching down and wiping the tears off my face. I looked up at him.

"I…" I trailed off, whimpering quietly.

"It's ok," he said, quietly.

"It's not ok, Garrett," I cried. "Everything is so fucked up."

"It will be ok," he said. I stared at him in complete amazement.

"How can you say that?" I asked, sniffling.

"Because you're standing right here in front of me," he explained. "They told us that it was impossible, that you weren't out there, but you were dead. I know you're not ready to go in there and talk to them or look at those pictures, but, last week, we couldn't have even stood here in front of my house. That has to mean something, right?"

"I don't know," I answered, honestly. "Maybe. I don't know."

"I should get inside," murmured Garrett, looking back at his house. "I think we have some things to get cleared up."

"Yeah," I whispered, gnawing on my bottom lip. "I'm sorry I can't do anything to help."

"This isn't your mess to clean up, Bella," smiled Garrett. "Maybe we need to get all our shit together, before you do whatever you have to do."

"Garrett," I said. "Thank you for giving me some time. I know it's a lot to ask."

"It's not," he said, quickly. "Bella, I will give you as much time as you need to deal with whatever is going on inside of that head of yours but we are not going anywhere. When you are ready, we will be, too."

"What if I'm never ready?" I whispered.

"Then we have to accept that," he murmured, sadly.

"You shouldn't have to though."

"You should be able to be happy but we keep fucking that up for you so…." Garrett looked back at his house. The curtain in the front window swung back as whoever was holding it, let go.

"You had better go," I muttered, looking down at the road.

"Thanks for coming over," whispered Garrett. "It means a lot."

Garrett turned and ran up to the front door of his house, letting himself in. Edward slipped his arm around my waist, pulling me flush with his chest. It had been a long morning and it was barely ten. Edward helped me back into his car and took off down the road. I didn't pay much attention to where he was driving.

There was so much inside of me, so much that I needed to get out but I wasn't sure how to. I really needed that stupid, fucking yellow notebook right now. I had my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around them. Edward stopped the car and I looked up. We were parked at a beach. I looked over at him completely confused.

"First beach," he smiled. "Thought it might remind you a little bit of LA."

"Oh," I murmured. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Edward climbed out of the driver's seat, moving around to my side of the car and helping me out. He kept my hand snuggly in his as we walked down into the sand. It wasn't the same as the beaches in California but it was better than nothing. I settled down in the sand, pulling my knees up and watching the waves crash onto the shoreline. Edward sat down next to me but didn't try to push me into talking.

The sun was still shining, but it didn't very warm outside. It was like it was mocking me, taunting me. Shaking my head, I looked away from the water and over at Edward, he had laid back in the sand and had his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful. I rolled onto my side and laid my hand on his chest, causing him to open his eyes and look over at me.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," I smiled.

"Are you ok?" he asked, laying his hand on top of mine.

I shook my head, knowing that I wasn't. "Was it just last night that we were dancing on a rooftop?" I asked.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Seems ages ago already."

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't say you are sorry for one more thing." Edward interrupted me. "Especially for your brother. He's got to learn from his own mistakes."

"I know," I sighed, laying my head on his chest. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist. "Do you think she really wishes I had died?"

"I don't know," he murmured. "I would like to think she didn't but…"

"Yeah." I whispered. "It really hurt."

"I know," he said, quietly.

Edward and I laid on the beach for awhile longer, just laying there and not thinking about everything else. Well, I tried not to anyway. It felt like no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, I could hear Angela's voice in my head. It took all my control not to lose myself into the pain. Would things ever be normal for me?

Just before two in the afternoon, Edward pulled his car up in front of my house. Esme and Carlisle were sitting on the front porch. I looked back over at Edward, who smiled.

"Will you call me later?" I asked.

"Of course I will," he said, bringing my hand up to his lips. "I love you."

"Why?" I asked, softly.

"Because you are you, Bella Cullen," he smiled. I blushed. "And because you blush all the time for me."

"You like it a little too much, Edward Masen," I scoffed.

"I can't help it," he laughed. "You cheeks turns pink. It might be my new favorite color."

"What am I going to do with you?" I asked shaking my head.

"Love me back, I hope," he whispered. I inhaled deeply, unsure of what to say. "When you are ready to admit it, of course."

"Edward." I looked out the window. "I had better go."

"Ok, I'll call you tonight," he murmured.

"Thank you for taking me over to talk to him," I whispered, leaning over and kissing him. "And for holding me back."

"Always will," he murmured, kissing me gently.

After kissing Edward again, I reluctantly climbed out of the car, making my way up the front porch to where my parents were sitting. They both smiled as I took the empty seat next to Esme. I watched as Edward pulled his car away from the curb, heading back to his house or Garrett's. I didn't deserve to have a boyfriend as understand as he was.

"Is Garrett ok?" asked Esme.

"Um," I said, quietly. "Not really."

"Did you talk to him?" asked Carlisle.

I nodded my head. "He told me what Emmett said to him last night," I murmured.

Neither of them said anything for several minutes. I wasn't sure what there was to say. Emmett was out of control and needed help but how do you make him go? Isn't the whole point of therapy is that you have to want help to get help? Or was that all just a load of crap? I pulled my knees up in front of me.

"I don't know what to do anymore," said Esme, suddenly. Carlisle and I both looked over at her. She had her hand up to her chest, tears swimming in her eyes. "Our family is falling apart and I don't know how to make it ok."

"I don't either," admitted Carlisle, reaching over and taking her hand in his. I looked away as tears slipped down my face.

"Are you giving up on us?" I whispered, shakily. "Are you giving up on…me?"

"No," gasped Esme. I looked back over at her.

"I'm trying so hard, Mom," I cried. "I want everything to be better again. I just don't know how to make it better."

"Oh, Sweetheart," she murmured, wrapping her arms around me. "It's not your job to make it better. That's what Daddy and I are here for."

"Is he mad at me?" I cried.

"A little," whispered Carlisle, moving so that he was kneeling in front of us. "But I'm a hell of a lot madder at him."

"Me too," I whimpered. "Garrett doesn't deserve to be treated like that."

"No, he doesn't," admitted Carlisle. "We'll figure it out, ok? I don't know how but we will figure out how to make everything right again."

"I really hope so," I whispered.

After a few minutes, I made my way into the house and up to my bedroom. Before I got to my room, though, I saw Jasper's bedroom door open. He was laying on his bed, reading a book, when I walked in. I climbed onto his bed without saying anything and laid down next to him. Jasper put his book down but didn't say anything.

"He told me that you told Emmett to stop," I whispered.

"I did," murmured Jasper.

"Why?" I asked. Jasper sighed as he sat up, leaning against his headboard.

"Because I'm tired of it all," said Jasper. "If all of this hadn't come out, if you had never…"

"If I had never found out that I was related to him," I murmured.

"Yeah," said Jasper. "Garrett's the guy we would have been friends with. We would have been at that party, laughing together and joking around."

"Do you hate him?" I asked.

"No," he admitted. "I want to. Lord knows, I fucking want to hate him but I can't."

"Why not?"

Jasper looked down at me. "Because regardless if I like it or not, he is one of your brothers."

"Does that mean you still want to be my brother, Jas?" I asked.

"Of course I do," he said, shocked. "You think I don't? That Em doesn't?"

"I don't know to what to think anymore," I admitted. "The Emmett I know, that I love, could never be such asshole."

"He's scared."

"Goddamn it, Jas, I'm scared, too!" I exclaimed, sitting up. "Every fucking night I go to bed, terrified of which nightmare I'm going to have. Every motherfucking day, I'm scared that I am going to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and I'm going to lose everyone. I'm going to be all alone again, Jasper, and I can't do that. Please, don't leave me alone again!"

By now I was fully sobbing. Jasper pulled me into his arms and held me. I grabbed the front of his shirt, holding onto any part of my brother that I could.


	28. Chapter 28

**Day 3**

**Last night I had a bad dream. I've been having lots of bad dreams over the last handful of weeks but this one was different. Usually in my dreams, I'm standing in the middle of a park. The dream usually goes one of two ways; either I fight off my birth family and beg my real family to help me or the faceless man comes and takes me away from everyone. This time, however, was different. **

**This time instead of the man or my birth family trying to take me away, everyone just stood there. It wasn't until I got close to them that I realized they were mannequins. All of them. Only, it wasn't just my family, it was everyone I had ever met. My aunt and uncle, the kids at my old school, the kids at my new school. Edward…**

**The more I ran around trying to find my way out, the more lost I became. Just as I thought I was out, a hand reached out and grabbed my shoulder, pulling me backward. I spun around, expecting to see the faceless man behind me but instead, I found myself. What did it mean?**

Closing the little yellow notebook, I tossed it onto my bed and picked up my guitar. It was just after six in the morning and I had been here since around three, struggling with just how to get it all out into that little book. I had woken up from that horrifying nightmare, screaming into my pillow and sobbing uncontrollably. I was more confused than ever.

"Bella, what are you doing up so early?" asked Esme, pushing open my door. It was then that I realized I had been strumming my guitar.

"I didn't mean to wake you," I murmured, stopping my fingers.

"You didn't," she said, moving over and sitting in front of me. "I was headed downstairs when I heard you. It's kind of early, though. Bad dream?"

I nodded my head, unable to find my voice.

"Anything you want to talk about?" she asked, pushing my hair behind my ear.

"How did you know that you were in love with Dad?" I asked. Esme looked surprised.

"Um, it was right after my parents died." Esme paused. "Daddy and I had been out on a date that night. He took me to dinner and a movie. It was just a normal date. When he pulled up in front of my house, we saw a police car in the front. I knew something horrible had happened. As we climbed out of the car, so did the officers. Your dad had his arm around me, holding me up, when the police men told me about the accident." Esme wiped a tear from her eye. "I was devastated, of course," she said, continuing on. "We were so close and I didn't know how I was going to tell Tanya." I reached out and took my mother's hand. "Daddy stayed with me while I told her. He held us both as we cried. It was in that moment that I knew I was in love with him. He had been there in my darkest hour."

"Did you tell him then?" I asked.

"No, I waited," she said, quietly.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I wasn't sure if he loved me back."

"If you had known?" I asked. "If he had told you that he loved you before you knew you were in love with him, what would you have done?"

"I don't know," she replied honestly. "Are you asking me for a specific reason?"

I shook my head, shifting my eyes away. "No, just…curious, I guess."

"Hmm," she hummed. "Sweetheart, you'll know when you know. If he loves you, the way I think he does, he won't pressure you into saying it back."

"He's not," I murmured. "I just don't know if I am in love with him or not."

"I can't tell you if you do or not," said Esme, standing up. "Listen to what your heart is telling you, Bella."

Esme turned and walked out of my bedroom, pulling the door shut behind her. I sat there for a few more minutes, thinking about what my mother had just told me but the problem was that I didn't know what my heart was telling me. I knew that I cared for Edward, that I needed him. There was no way that I could have gotten through the last couple of months without him. But I didn't know that if my dependency on him was more than just the need for someone to understand and to take care of me, or if it was love? How was I suppose to know?

An hour later, I had given up trying to figure out my feelings for Edward and instead had gotten ready for school. I pulled on a pair of tight jeans, or at least they used to be tight. The last couple months had turned my appetite into nothing and the jeans now hung loosely on my hips. I pulled on a brown t-shirt that had 'Loser: someone who takes the time to read the stupid sayings on another person shirt'. Emmett had bought it for me a couple years ago because he thought it was funny.

I gathered my backpack, music book, stupid little yellow notebook, and coat before heading down to the kitchen. When I walked in, I found Emmett sitting on one side of the table, glowering at his empty plate. Jasper was sitting on my side of the table, silently eating his cereal. Carlisle and Esme were in their usual seats. I slid into my seat and grabbed a piece of toast from the middle of the table, nibbling on the corner of it.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, our family. We were supposed to be able to deal with whatever, whenever, however. But we weren't. We weren't dealing with any of it and I was tired of living like this. I was tired of being afraid to need things from the Swans. I placed my toast on my plate and cleared my throat.

"When did we get like this?" I asked, causing everyone to look up at me. "When did breakfast, or any meal for that matter, turn into this?"

Nobody said anything.

"We used to laugh," I continued, mostly talking to myself. "We used to gang up on dad and tell him that he was old."

Still nobody said anything.

"Maybe we can't go back to the family we used to be," I said, standing up. "I miss us."

I walked out of the kitchen and out of the house, leaving them all sitting there. The air was cold, frigid as I walked outside. Edward was leaning against his car, feet crossed in front of him, hands shoved into the pockets of his coat and a big smile on his face. It was in that moment that I realized, without a shadow of a doubt that I was in love with him. He was my sun.

I smiled as I walked down the steps of the porch and the narrow walkway that lead to where he was waiting for me. Leaning up, I pressed my lips down onto his. "Hi," I whispered.

"Hi," he murmured, sliding his arms around me. "I missed you last night."

"You did?" I asked, blushing.

"I did," he smiled. "That blush in particular."

"Edward," I laughed, shaking my head. "I missed you, too."

"You did?" he asked. I nodded my head. "Good to know."

"Edward, I-"

"Bella, wait!" hollered Jasper. I sighed as I turned and looked at him. He came rushing down the front steps, pulling his coat on. "I was hoping that maybe I could catch a ride to school with you guys."

"Why aren't you riding with Emmett in the jeep?" I asked.

Jasper bit his lip as he turned and looked back at the house. "Em's still pissed and…" My brother looked back at me. "I'm choosing you, B."

"Jas," I murmured, shaking my head.

"I've messed up, Bella. I'm just asking for another chance." Jasper and I both looked back at the front door slammed. Emmett came out, staring at the three of us. "Please, Bella," muttered Jasper, looking back down at me.

"Jas, let's go," hollered Emmett.

"He's riding with us," I said, loudly. Emmett shook his head as he walked over to the jeep, and took off toward school. Jasper took a deep breath as he looked past me, to Edward.

"I'm sorry," he said, offering Edward his hand. "I was…stupid and stubborn."

"Yeah, you were," agreed Edward. He took Jasper's hand. "But it's ok."

"No, it's not," sighed Jasper, looking down at me. "But I'm working on it."

Jasper climbed into the backseat of Edward's car, while I rode in the front. Edward had a small smile playing on his lips as he drove up through. I couldn't help but share his smile. Jasper had crossed over to our side, and while I didn't want there to have to be sides, there were. Maybe one day, there wouldn't be anymore. We could only hope.

Edward parked his car and we climbed out. Alice was waiting for Jasper just inside the school. As he came walking in at my side, with Edward holding my hand, she smiled. "Good morning," she sang.

"Morning, Alice," I said, as Jasper pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "Ugh, that's gross."

"It is not," scoffed Jasper.

"Is so," I teased as we made our way down to our lockers. "But I can handle it."

"Good," smirked Jasper, kissing Alice again. "Because I have no intensions of stopping."

Alice squealed as Jasper kissed her again. He laughed, really laughed, for the first time in nearly two months. It made me happy, like I was finally getting my brother back. At least one of them. Alice was blushing as she turned back and looked at me and Edward, who was trying his hardest not to make fun of her.

"Don't," threatened Alice. However, the playful smile on her face said otherwise.

"I wasn't going to say anything," chuckled Edward, slipping his hand into mine.

"Yeah, whatever," giggled Alice.

Alice, Edward, and I started down the hallway toward our first period class. As we approached, I felt the air leave my body. Angela was standing outside of the classroom, nervously tapping her foot. She looked up and I saw a mixture of emotions cross over her face; anger, hurt, sadness, guilt. Alice looked over at me, clearly unsure about what was going on.

"Go on in," I said, quietly. "I'll be right there."

"Are you sure?" she asked. I nodded my head. "Ok."

Alice walked past Angela and into the classroom. "You too, Edward," I murmured, looking up at him. He seemed uncertain that he should leave me alone but this was one battle that I had to fight on my own. "Please."

"I'll just be right inside," he said, kissing my cheek.

"I know." Edward walked past Angela, placing his hand on her shoulder. It was a gesture of comfort for her, too. She had been a part of his life for a long time. Perhaps, she was a little sister to him, too. "What do you want?"

"I want to apologize," she whispered. "I didn't mean it, Bella."

"Didn't you?" I asked.

"No, of course, I didn't," she choked out, fighting her tears. I fought the urge to reach out and comfort her. I wasn't ready for that yet.

"Yet, you said that it would be better if I was dead." Angela flinched.

"I did," she muttered. "I was angry."

"At me." It was a fact, not use hiding it.

"No, at Isabella," she clarified. "You were taken because of me."

"What?" I asked.

"If I hadn't been born, and you hadn't hated me, then Mom… I mean, Renee wouldn't have taken you to the park that day," she explained. "She never would have been carjacked, you wouldn't have grown up with strangers."

"I didn't grown up with strangers." Angela looked at me, doubtfully. "I grew up with a mom and a dad, two brothers, and we even had a dog once. His name was Waldo."

"Because of me," she grumbled, shifting her eyes back to the ground.

"God, you really are a whiny baby," I muttered.

"Excuse me?" she asked, sharply.

"You expect me to feel sorry for the fact that you are holding onto some non-existent guilt about my abduction?" I asked. "You had nothing to do with it, Angela. You were a baby."

"But-"

"There are no buts," I said. "You hate me because you think they love me more. You can't even see that they have been trying to reach out to you. Garrett has been beating himself up because he's trying to help you and all you've done is tell him to fuck off." Angela shifted uncomfortably. "Look, you don't have to like me but you need to stop being such a bitch and appreciate the family you have right in front of you."

"The family that isn't good enough for you?" she asked, meeting my eyes. "Why don't you want to be my sister?"

I closed my eyes. She thought I was rejecting her because I hadn't taken that step. "It's not that I don't want to be your sister, I just need to some time to build up to that."

"Like you and Garrett are, by being friends?" she asked, quietly.

"Yes," I said. "But only if you stop being such a little bitch to Garrett, Charlie, and Renee. They need you, as much as you need them."

"Do you think they really need me?" she asked.

"I do," I murmured as the bell rang.

"Do you think we…well, could I maybe call you or could we hang out or something?" she asked, eyes swimming in unshed tears.

"Sure."

I nodded my head, feeling tears prickling at the edge of my eyes. Angela nearly ran down the hall, leaving me standing there alone. I wasn't sure what had happened there but maybe, it was a step. A baby step, but a step nonetheless. When I walked into the classroom, Mr. Owens gave me a look about being late but didn't say anything. I crossed the room, sliding into my desk and dropping my bag on the floor. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Emmett staring at his desk. His eyes were filled with unfallen tears and his chin was trembling. He lifted his eyes and looked at me.

'I'm sorry,' he mouthed. I shook my head, and shrugged my shoulders, unable to say all that I really wanted to say to him.

'I know,' I mouthed. 'Me too.'

By the time lunch came around, I was feeling the fatigue setting in. Emmett had left our class without saying a word to me but I used to it. Classes had dragged on, teachers droning on and on about things I would never remember. Alice, Edward, Kate, and Jasper had all taken their time to keep me from falling asleep in class by passing me notes, or hitting me in the back of the head in Jasper's case. While I heard a few people talking about the supposed showdown between Emmett and Garrett, I realized that I didn't care anymore. If all they could do was gossip, then so be it. There were things in life that were more important.

I shuffled down the hallway with Jasper, stopping at my locker when I found Emmett standing there. He was nervously tapping his foot on the ground. I stopped as he looked up at me, stepping away from the locker.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said. "Are you going to yell at me? Call me traitor? Cause I don't need to hear all of that again."

Emmett shook his head. "I was going to apologize, actually," he said. "Like I have so many times already."

"Oh." I wasn't sure what else to say. Jasper shoved his books into his locker before turning back to us.

"I don't know, B," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Em has said he was sorry more times than he can count but he keeps stepping in shit."

"True," I agreed.

"Look, I'm trying but it's hard," explained Emmett.

"Really?" I asked, sardonically. "It's hard, Em? I didn't realize that it was hard. Thank you so much for clearing that up for me!"

"I don't know what to say," he sighed, falling back against his locker. "I didn't mean to say anything to him. I had planned on just ignoring him."

"Then why did you?" I asked. "You promised me that you were going to try, Emmett."

"And I am trying but I don't know how to deal with all of this," he muttered, angrily. "Nobody is telling me how to deal with what I feel and I can't control it."

"That's how I feel," I murmured, shaking my head. "You have a choice to make, Emmett. You can either keep on being a major pain in my ass and lose me forever. Or you can get your shit together and get over it."

"I don't want to lose you, Bella," he whimpered.

"You won't if you make this right," I said. "It's not just me who deserves your apology."

"Will you go with me?" he whispered, looking up at me. "Please?"

Instead of answering him, I reached out and hooked my arm in with his. Emmett, Jasper, and I made our way down the hallway to the cafeteria. Edward was waiting for me outside, like he had done everyday since we had moved to Forks. He took one look at me and my brothers and smiled, understanding that this was a big moment for Emmett. I reached out and took Edward's hand in mine as Emmett looked up at him.

"Dude," he said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry."

"Ok," was all Edward said.

"I was a jerk and I know that but…" Emmett trailed off, taking a deep breath. "I'm just really sorry."

"So you said," replied Edward. "But if you ever do that shit to him again, or make Bella cry anymore, I'll have to kick your ass. Believe it or not, Emmett, I love her."

I was shocked that Edward would admit that he was in love with me so freely. Emmett was, too, apparently, seeing as he looked from Edward down to me. "I believe you," he muttered, clearly uncomfortable.

"Good," smiled Edward, winking at me. "Let's get some lunch, I'm starving."

I blushed as Edward and I headed into the cafeteria with my brothers following. Once we had our lunch, I looked around the room, trying to find an empty table. My eyes fell on one that was not empty, though. Garrett, Kate, Angela, and Ben were sitting at a large table in the back. Throwing a look back at my brothers, I made the hardest decision of my life; I walked over to their table.

"Can we join you?" I asked, looking at Garrett, whose eyes were wide open. "Garrett?"

"What?" he asked, shaking his head.

"I asked if we could join you," I said, feeling very foolish for coming over here. "Never mind, it was a stupid idea."

I turned to leave but Garrett reached across the table and grabbed my arms. "No," he nearly yelled. I looked back at Garrett. "Please don't go."

"Are you sure?" I asked, shifting my eyes to Angela. "I don't want to cause problems."

"It's fine," said Angela. I looked at her doubtfully. "Really, it's fine."

I slid into the empty seat in front of me, setting my tray on the table. Edward sat next to me, placing his arm on the back of my seat. Jasper sat down on the other side of Edward, next to Alice, who had just shown up, looking just as nervous about this as I felt. Garrett's eyes shifted behind me to Emmett, who was just standing there with Rose at his side.

"Are you going to sit?" asked Garrett. I turned and looked at Emmett, cocking an eyebrow at him. This was his chance.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out, hurriedly. "For the other night."

"Ok," said Garrett. "I'm sorry, too."

"For what?" asked Emmett.

"For whatever," muttered Garrett. "Are you going to sit or what?"

"Yeah," mumbled Emmett, taking the seat next to me.

Rose sat down next to him. "So," she said, looking around. "This is…" She trailed off. "The test in biology is hard."

"Great," laughed Garrett, tensely. "I didn't get any studying done this weekend."

"Me either." I looked over at Edward. "Did you?"

"Nope," he said, smiling. "Oops."

As everyone else entered the conversation, Edward leaned over and kissed my cheek. My eyes fluttered to a close and I brought my hand up, stroking his cheek. Maybe things weren't so bad here after all.


	29. Chapter 29

I sat nervously in the waiting room of Marcus' office, tapping my foot on the ugly wood floor, and waiting for my brothers to come out of their first session with him. So far I hadn't heard any yelling or anything being thrown or broken so I was taking that to be a good sign. However, it had been hard enough to get Emmett to agree to come in the first place, and I wasn't sure he was going to be completely open with Marcus about how he was feeling. Jasper hadn't fought nearly as much about coming. He truly did seem to realize that there were things he needed to get out, things he had been keeping locked away inside of himself and it was time to let them go.

"You are going break your leg, bouncing it so hard," murmured Carlisle, placing his hand on my knee and stopping my nervous tick.

I sighed as I fell back into my seat. "What's taking so long? They've been in there like five hours."

"Bella, they've only been in there for forty-five minutes," he chuckled.

I ignored him as I stood up and began pacing. Over the past few days, Emmett had tried not to be a big time ass and I was glad, but scared, too. He had so much anger, and even if he wasn't saying anything, I saw the way he looked at Garrett, Angela, and Edward. He thought they were the enemy but they weren't. I just didn't know how to get Emmett to see that. I huffed again as I turned toward Janine, who was typing away on her computer, completely oblivious to the fact that I was panicking here.

"You decorated this part of the office, didn't you?" I asked, trying to find anything to get my mind off what was going in behind the closed doors.

"Yes," she said, not taking her eyes off the screen.

"It sucks," I said, plainly.

"Bella," hissed Carlisle. "Don't be rude."

However, Janine stopped typing and fell back into her seat, laughing. "It does, doesn't it?" she asked. "I told Marcus that I was going to do it like this, as a joke, and he told me that he didn't care as long as I didn't touch his office. I thought, I would do it and he would complain, but he never did. At least not to my face. You are the first person to ever say something."

"Oh, he told me not to say anything to you," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Nice to see how much you don't listen," sighed Marcus. I looked over and saw him standing in the doorway to his office. He stepped out of the way and let both Emmett and Jasper out. Neither of them said anything to me as they walked by, falling into the seats next to Carlisle, each with their own red and green notebooks. That wasn't a good sign. "You ready, Bella?"

"I guess," I muttered.

I went over and picked up my guitar case and carried it in past Marcus, leaving my brothers and father out in the waiting room. Marcus shut the door behind him and flopped down on the couch, propping his feet up on the end. Just like the first time I was in here, Marcus was wearing a pair of jeans but instead of the devil shirt, he was wearing a Poison t-shirt. At least he had good taste in bands. I stood there awkwardly. My nerves were starting to get the best of me again.

"Are you gonna just stand there?" asked Marcus. I didn't say anything as I walked over and sat on the edge of the red chair, placing my guitar at my feet. "So what do you want to start with? You playing for me or your journal?"

"I don't care," I muttered.

"Ok, how about your guitar," he said, sitting up. "I've been looking forward to this all week."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because it's important to you," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

I didn't say anything as I leaned down and opened my case, moving the yellow notebook to the side and picking up my guitar. I folded my legs under my, placing the guitar on top. Taking a deep breath, I placed my fingers on the strings. Closing my eyes, I started strumming, letting my fingers move on their own.

"Sing," said Marcus. I stopped playing and looked at him. "You do sing, don't you?"

"I guess," I murmured.

"Sing," he repeated.

Closing my eyes once again, I started playing again. My voice shook as I began singing one of the songs I had written.

"Hiding in the darkness, I try to be quiet.  
Afraid of what nighttime brings, I don't scream.  
Body shaking and shivering from the cold,  
I cry silently, begging anyone to want me.

Shying away from the light, I run  
Pushing my legs to move faster, harder, I keep going.  
Can't slow down, can't stop, can't breathe, can't live  
I can't let the darkness catch me again.

The darkness catches me, pulling me to the ground  
I fight him off, begging for someone to save me,  
Crying and fighting, clawing and screaming  
Begging for anyone to care that the darkness is there."

"Bella, stop." Marcus placed his hand on mine, stopping me. I opened my eyes and looked at him, tears slipping down my cheeks.

"Help me, please," I whispered.

"I'm trying," he said, kneeling in front of me and pulling the guitar out of my hands. He placed it in my case, keeping his hand on top of mine. It was oddly comforting. "Tell me about that song."

"What about it?" I asked, nervously.

"What's it about?" he pressed, still touching my hand.

"The darkness," I murmured. "Being afraid of the dark."

"What makes you afraid of the dark?"

"The nightmares," I whispered.

"Tell me about them," he murmured, letting my hand go. He sat on the floor in front of me, knees bent in front of him.

"Which ones?" I asked, tearfully.

"You have more than one?" he asked. I nodded my head. "Did you have one last night?"

"Every night." Closing my eyes, I let a tear travel down my face. "Last night he was there."

"Who is he?" asked Marcus.

I opened my eyes. "I don't know who he is," I wept. "He doesn't have a face."

"What happens in these nightmares?"

I didn't want to answer but my lips parted and I spoke anyway. "Sometimes he chases me," I murmured. "He always catches me. Drags me away from everyone."

"Who's everyone?" asked Marcus.

"My family."

"Who's your family?" he pressed.

"My mom, my dad, my brothers," I explained. Looking away, I said, "They are there, too."

"Who are they?"

I knew what he wanted. Shaking my head, I said, "My birth family. They are there, too."

"What do they all do when this man is dragging you away?" asked Marcus. I looked down at him.

"They fight for me, but they don't stop him. No matter how hard they fight, they don't stop him and he takes me away. He throws me away like I'm trash. Like I'm nothing because he sees me as nothing. NOTHING!"

"Ok, calm down," said Marcus, placing his hand on mine again. I took a deep breath.

"I was nothing to him but something he could throw away," I cried.

"But you weren't."

"Maybe I was," I murmured, wiping the tears off my face.

"Why do you think that?" he asked.

Shaking my head, I whispered, "Because they never found me."

"Is that why you think they didn't find you? Because you were nothing?" he asked.

"I don't know," I muttered.

"You do know," he said. "Is that why you think they didn't find you?"

I shook my head as I looked down at him. "They didn't find me because they didn't want me."

"You know that's not true, though," said Marcus.

"Do I?" I asked.

"Don't you?" he countered.

I rolled my eyes. Marcus reached over and picked up my journal, flipping to the first page and began reading. He didn't say anything as he read through each page, flipping from one to the next. I pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them tight. When he was done, Marcus closed my notebook, setting back down on my guitar.

"You wrote more than I thought you were going to," he said, standing up. He moved over and sat in the other red chair, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. "When you were writing about your feelings for Edward, what were you thinking?"

"I don't know," I murmured, looking down at my feet. "That was I confused, scared."

"Scared of what?" he asked.

"Scared that it wasn't real," I said, looking over at him. "I'm in love with him. And I know what you are thinking but it doesn't matter because I do love him."

"What am I thinking?" asked Marcus.

"That I'm too young to know what love is, that it's too fast. That I don't really know him but I do," I explained.

"That is not what I was thinking." Marcus smiled as he leaned back in his seat.

"Then what were you thinking?" I asked.

"Well, I was thinking that it's nice that you have someone you can turn to when you feel overwhelmed," he said. "But I'll admit that I worry that you are too dependant on him."

"I'm not," I insisted, quickly.

"Are you sure about that?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yes," I quipped.

"When you get scared, who do you go to?" he asked.

"It's not like that," I muttered.

"What is it like?" Marcus leaned forward again. "Tell me what's it is like, Bella."

"Edward doesn't push me to pick sides or whatever. He makes me laugh and he makes me smile. He keeps me from falling." I brought my hand up, covering my mouth. I didn't mean for that last part to come out.

"Falling how?" he asked, clearly alarmed. I shook my head. "From the cliffs? Like the afternoon you fell?"

I shook my head again, as I leaned down and slammed my guitar case closed. "Bella, tell me about the cliffs," he said, reaching out and grabbed my arm.

"NO!" I screamed, pushing him away.

"Bella-"

"NO," I screamed again, rushing out of his office, holding my guitar as close to me as I could. Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper all jumped to their feet, panic etched on their faces. I fell into my father's arms. "Take me home, Daddy. Please, take me home!"

"Honey, what's wrong?" asked Carlisle, holding my tight.

"I want to go home," I cried.

"Take her home," said Marcus. "I'll see you all next week."

My father didn't say anything as he pulled me toward the door. My guitar case was pulled from my hand but I didn't look up to see who took it from me. Carlisle opened the door to the backseat and I slid in. He climbed in behind me, tossing the keys into the front seat and telling Jasper to drive. I snuggled up to my father, laying my head on his chest as Jasper drove us back to Forks.

An hour later, Jasper pulled Carlisle's car up into the driveway, shutting off the engine. For a moment, nobody moved. I ducked my head as I climbed out of the car, walking up to the front porch and settling down on one of the chairs, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. My father and brothers followed me up, sitting around me and waiting for me to explain why I freaked out. I wasn't sure I could.

"You're back," said Esme, smiling as she came out of the house. She stopped in her tracks, smile falling as she looked around. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," murmured Carlisle. "Bella."

"I don't want to talk about it," I whispered, turning my head and looking away.

"Bella, Sweetheart, you can't keep shutting us out," he said, moving over and kneeling in front of me. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the pain in his eyes. He grabbed my hand and whispered, "Please talk to me."

"You don't want to hear it," I muttered.

"I do," he said, reaching up and turning my face so I was looking at him. "I want to help you but I can't if you won't talk to me."

Staring my father in the eyes, I whispered, "I wanted to die." My mother gasped while my father's eyes widened. "The…the day I fell. I wanted to die." My father's hand fell from my chin. "I thought… I thought you all would be better off without me. That I was causing enough trouble…and I thought you had stopped loving me."

My father's chin trembled as he leaned back, running his hands through his blond hair. "How could you think we would ever stop loving you?"

"Because they had come back," I cried. "I was so confused and everyone was telling me to give them a chance or not to give them a chance. Everyone stared at me, gawking at me all the time. Then I had that nightmare…and I thought…" I trailed off, taking a deep breath.

"What nightmare?" asked Esme. I shook my head, not wanting to tell her. "Isabella, what goddamn nightmare?"

"Where you all left me!" I yelled. She stumbled back, bringing her hand up to her chest. "None of you wanted me anymore. Em and Jas threw rocks at me, leaving me to DIE!"

I didn't realize it but I had stood up, hands clenched into fists. Carlisle stood up, reaching out slowly and grabbing my arms, just above my wrists. "We will always want you," he said, calmly. "Always, Sweetheart."

"Then why do you want me to know them?" I asked.

"Because they are a part of you," said Esme, moving over to us. She placed her hand on top of Carlisle's. "You need to know what those parts are."

I wasn't sure what to say and needed to get out of here. Gently pulling my wrists free, I stumbled past all of them and down into the yard. "Bella," called Carlisle.

"I can't. I just need to be alone," I cried, breaking out into a run.

I took off down the street, pushing my legs to move faster than I thought I could ever run. After a few blocks, I stopped running and started walking. The sky opened, rain falling over me but I kept going, not carrying that I was getting wet. Before I knew it, I was in downtown Forks, standing in front of a coffee shop. Gathering up all the courage I could, I reached out, pushing the door open. The bell chimed drawing the attention of the woman standing behind the counter.

"Bella."

"Renee."


	30. Chapter 30

It felt like Renee and I stood there for hours, just staring at each other. She stepped toward me, raising her hand but I stepped away, not ready for her to be that close. Not ready for any of this but here I was, standing with my birth mother inside her coffee shop.

"Do you want some coffee?" she offered, letting her hand fall to her side.

"I don't like coffee," I muttered. She nodded her head, looking behind her. She was trying to find a reason for me to stay. "I'll take some water, though...if you don't mind."

"Of course, I don't." Renee smiled as she moved behind her counter, pulling out a cold bottle of water. However, I stayed by the door, unable to get my legs to move. Shifting her eyes back to me, her smile dropped. "Um," she said, clearing her throat and setting the bottle on the counter. "Here."

She stepped away, as if to tell me that it was safe to take the water. Moving slowly, I walked over and picked up the bottle, opening it and taking a small sip. "Thanks," I murmured.

"You're welcome," she said, quietly. "It's raining pretty hard, isn't it?"

"What?" I asked.

"You're soaked," she pointed out, gesturing to my clothes.

I nodded. "Tell me who I was."

"What?" she asked this time.

Feeling the tears building, I repeated myself. "Tell me who I was...when I was a baby. Before I was gone."

"You were our daughter," said Renee.. "You're still our daughter."

"But who was I?" I asked, desperately.

"I don't know what you want me to tell you," she cried out. "You were my daughter, my baby."

"But who was I?" I begged. "Did I cry all the time? Where was I born? How much did I weigh? Only you and Charlie can tell me who I was then!"

"You were born at home," she said, taking a seat at the counter. I slid down on my stool.

"At home?" I asked. "Why not in the hospital?"

"Because you were a little impatient," she smiled. "I was standing in the kitchen, making Garrett some dinner, when my water broke."

"How old was he?" I asked.

"Eighteen months," she smiled. "Your Dad...I mean, Charlie, coached high school football and was at a game. When I called him, he started yelling for me to lay down, get my feet up, and breathe. I kept telling him that I was breathing but he just kept going on and on." She paused. "He was very excited about your birth."

"He was? Why?" I asked.

Renee smiled fondly. "When I told him I was pregnant with you, he dropped down to his knees and kissed my stomach, promising to be the best father to you." The smile slipped off her face. "Well, he would have been, anyway."

I wasn't sure what to say.

"Anyway," she said, saving me from having to reply. "I tried to get Garrett's things together but I started having contractions pretty quickly and could barely move through them much less do anything. I was lying on the couch with Garrett standing in front of me when Charlie got there. He was panicking, yelling and screaming about us having to go. He tried to help me to my feet but I screamed for him to stop because I needed to push. He tried to tell me that I had to hold it," she said, rolling her eyes. "After he realized what he'd said, he called 911 but it was too late, you were coming."

Renee stood up and walked behind the counter, pouring herself a cup of coffee. Coming back around, she sat down and said, "I barely had to push before you were born right into Charlie's arms. He, um, cried as he set you on my stomach," she murmured, wiping a tear off her face.

"Was I ok?" I asked, quietly.

"You were perfect," she smiled. "Six pounds and three ounces, eighteen inches long, and bald."

"I didn't have any hair?" I questioned her.

"Not until you were almost a year old. Then it was like overnight, you had a full head," she laughed, softly. "You loved it when I brushed your hair."

"I did?"

Renee nodded her head. "You would bring me your hairbrush and climb into my lap, and say "brush"," she murmured. "It was my favorite part of the day."

"I still like having my hair brushed," I whispered.

"You do?" she asked. I nodded.

"My mom...I mean, Esme, used to brush it all the time for me."

"Your...mom seems really nice," she whispered.

"She is," I mumbled, looking up at Renee. She picked up her coffee cup, taking another sip. "Was I a good baby?" I asked.

Renee smiled. "You were a great baby. Hardly cried, so easy going. With Garrett as your brother, you had to be."

"Did he like me?"

"From the moment you were born, Garrett couldn't get enough of you," she replied. "When I was feeding you, he would climb up onto the couch and hold your hand or foot. He would lie down on the floor with you while I had you on a blanket and talk to you."

"Oh," was all I could say. Shifting on my stool, I looked around.

"He wanted to come with us that day," Renee murmured, causing me to shift my eyes back over to her. "He cried when I told him that he was staying home with Dad...I mean, Charlie and Angela. I felt so guilty for leaving him."

"Guess it's good you didn't let him come, wasn't it?"

"I wish I hadn't taken you," she whispered, softly.

Again, I wasn't sure what to say to her. Biting on my bottom lip, I looked up at her. "What about Angela?" I asked.

"What about her?"

"Was Garrett excited about her?" I asked.

"Very," smiled Renee. "You were as well until you saw how much attention she got from Garrett."

I frowned.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Bella, you loved Angela, but you were used to being the most important person in Garrett's world and, suddenly, Angela was there. You just needed some time to adjust to her. Or at least, that's what we thought."

"Did I hold her?" I asked. "As a baby, I mean?"

"A few times," said Renee. I nodded my head, looking around again. "Angela loved it when you held her."

Shifting my eyes back to her, I asked, "She did?" Renee nodded her head. "Guess that's changed now, huh?"

"No," disagreed Renee. "She's just scared."

"Yeah? So am I," I muttered.

The door to the coffee shop opened and I looked behind me, seeing Edward walk in. He was soaked to the bone; his auburn hair sticking to his forehead and dripping down his face. Grey t-shirt clinging to him, showing off his well formed chest. Running his hands through his hair, he looked over and spotted me sitting at the counter with Renee and smiled, clearly relieved.

"Bella, I've been looking for you everywhere," he said, before shifting his eyes over to Renee. "Oh, hello, Renee."

"Edward," she murmured, standing up. "Where is your jacket? It's freezing outside."

"I was in a hurry," he explained. She nodded her head and moved back behind the counter, handing him a stack of napkins.

"You still know better than to ever go out like that," she lectured him. "Your mother taught you better than that."

"Yes, ma'am, she did," admitted Edward. As he wiped his face and neck, Renee looked over at me and, suddenly, I felt very uncomfortable being here with her. I stood up, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth as I looked away from her.

"I should go," I muttered, shifting nervously. "Thanks for...you know, telling me or whatever."

"Thanks for asking," she said, simply. "Anytime you want to know more, just ask."

I nodded my head and followed Edward outside, and over to his car. He opened the door, like he always did, and I blushed, like I always would, as I got in. Edward started the car, turning on the heater and pointing the vents towards me. He pulled away from the coffee shop and started in the direction of my house, pulling up in front, never saying a word. Cutting the engine, he turned to me, frowning.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

Pulling my knees up to my chest, I laid my head down and looked at him. "I told them about that day at the cliffs," I whispered. Edward closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Neither of us liked thinking about that day.

"What did they say?" he asked, opening his eyes.

"They asked me why I wanted to die."

"Did you tell them?" he pressed. "About the nightmare, I mean. Did you tell them about that?"

"A little," I murmured. Edward nodded his head, reaching over and taking my hand in his.

"You should tell them more," he said, quietly.

Looking out the window, I told him, "I've told them too much already."

The curtain in the living room moved and I saw my mother look out. "Guess I should go."

I didn't want to.

"Yeah," he murmured. I looked over at him. "I'll call you later, ok?"

I nodded my head, pushing the door open. Looking back at him, I asked, "Why were you looking for me?"

"Emmett called me," he said, smiling. "Told me you needed me."

Tears filled my eyes as I looked back up at the house. "I love you, Edward," I whispered.

Climbing out, I shut the door before he could respond and ran up the front walk and into the house. Shutting the door behind me, I slid down, letting the tears fall. A pair of large arms lifted me off the floor and I opened my eyes and found myself in Emmett's arms. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I let him carry me into the living room, where he settled me down in his lap.

Laying my head on his shoulder, I whispered, "Thank you for calling him, Em. I know it was hard for you."

"It was," he murmured, "but you needed him and I need you to be ok."

My father cleared his throat, and I looked over at him, knowing that I was going to have to deal with this. Shifting myself off my brother's lap, I sat on the couch next to him, waiting for someone, anyone, to say anything. Jasper sat down next to me, nudging me with his shoulder. Carlisle and Esme were sitting on the hearth of the fireplaces, elbows resting on their knees and sadness dripping from them. This was why I never wanted to tell them about that day; I had hurt them enough.

"I'm not sure what to say," murmured Carlisle. I adverted my eyes from his. "You wanted to die?"

Silence.

"Bella," he said. However, I didn't look at him. "Isabella Cullen, look at me!"

Lifting my eyes, I stared at my father. He stood up. "You wanted to die."

It wasn't a question this time. "Yes."

"Why?" he asked, dropping to his knees in front of me and taking my hands. "We were doing the best we could to help you. Why would you want to die?"

"It hurt," I murmured, pulling my hands out of his and tucking them as close to my body as I could. "It still hurts."

"What hurt?" he asked.

Closing my eyes, I whispered, "Everything. Em and Jas were mad at me. You and Mom were crying, pushing me toward getting to know them. Everyone stared at me like I was a freak." I paused, burying my face in my hands and letting my tears fall. "I just...wanted...it all...to end. No more...pressure...no more...anything."

"What happened that day?" asked Esme, moving over and kneeling next to my father.

I didn't want to tell them but I found myself opening my mouth and letting the words out. "I don't even really know how I found those cliffs," I began. "I wasn't looking for them but I found myself standing there, overlooking the water. I could hear the waves crashing against the sides. I thought, it would be easier if I jumped, ended it all."

Standing up, I walked over to the window and looked outside. "Edward saved me," I murmured. "He begged me not to do it, not to leave you...Not to leave him. He promised to help me with everything and..." I trailed off, feeling my body shaking. "He wanted me."

"We want you, Bella," insisted Emmett. I shook my head as I looked back at him.

"You wanted me as long as I didn't have him or made no effort to know them, Emmett," I said. "You're my big brother. You and Jas weren't supposed to be the ones killing me."

"We weren't," frowned Jasper.

"You were," I disagreed. "You don't even see it but you were. I felt like nothing and nobody because I wasn't a Swan and, suddenly, I didn't feel like a Cullen."

Silence, once again.

Carlisle sighed, standing up and placing his hands on his hips. Frustration oozed off of him. "You will always be a Cullen, Bella."

"Will I?" I asked, wrapping my arms around my body. "If I decide to get to know the Swans better, will I still be a Cullen?"

"Of course, you will," insisted Esme. However, I looked past her and right at Emmett and Jasper.

"Will I?" I asked, again.

"Yes," said Jasper, standing up. "Always, Bella."

However, Emmett just sat there, shaking as he cried to himself. "Emmett?" I asked, causing him to look at me.

"I never meant to hurt you," he cried.

"But you did," I murmured. "Of everyone, you hurt me the most, Em."

"I was so scared, Bell," he sobbed.

"Me too." I slid down to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees as I cried with my brother. Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper stood back, watching, listening. "I need him, Emmett."

"More than you need me?" he asked, through the tears.

"Not more," I murmured. "Different."

"More," he whispered.

"Different," I insisted. "Like you need Rose."

"Edward's your Rosie?" he asked, taking a deep breath.

I nodded my head. "He gets me, Emmett. From day one, he's gotten me."

"If he hurts you," muttered Emmett.

"He won't," I whispered.

"If he does, I'm going to have to hurt him," cried Emmett. "Cause nobody hurts my sister."

"He won't," I murmured.

"I don't think he could," whispered Emmett, standing up. "It would kill him first."

Emmett turned and walked up the stairs, leaving the rest of us sitting there. Without even thinking, I got up and followed, knowing that, for now at least, things were as good as they were going to get with our small family. Shutting the door behind me, I flopped down on my bed. My cell phone beeped and I picked it up off my nightstand, clicking on the text message from Edward.

**I love you, too, and I'm still holding you back.-E**

Placing my phone back onto my table, I snuggled into my bed. Renee answered so many of my questions, but I still had so many left unasked. Maybe one day soon, I would get the rest.


	31. Chapter 31

"The darkness fades and the light shines through, I find you standing there," I sang under my breath, strumming my guitar. Sighing, I let my hand fall off the strings and onto my knee. "God, that's such crap."

Picking up my pencil, I scratch that line off my paper and started over. I was sitting on the front porch, in my pajamas, with my guitar on my lap. Only in the early hours of Saturday morning, and I had already been up for an hour, trying desperately to get my mind out of the nightmare that had shaken me to my core. This one started much like the others did with me in the park. Instead of me fighting off the Swans or the faceless man, or even myself, I stood in the park all alone. No matter how hard I ran, how much I cried and begged, nobody came for me. Shadows crept around corners and fear crawled over me like spiders inching their way up my skin. I woke up crying into my pillow, body shaking and tears pouring down my face.

My room felt like it was closing in on me and I had to get out of there. So I retreated to my favorite place, the front porch. Settling in the same wicker chair I always sat on, I tried to push everything back and tried to focus on some music, but it didn't work. Everything I tried to write felt like crap; nothing but pure crap.

The front door opened and I looked over, finding Emmett standing in the doorway. His dark hair stuck up, fanning upwards in the back. He wore a pair of black sweat pants and a white wife beater. With a frown on his face, he looked over and noticed the scratched out words on my paper.

"What's up, Sis?" he asked, shutting the door as he stepped outside. Shivering, he wrapped his arms around himself and sat down. "It's fucking cold."

"It's not too bad," I murmured, turning back to my notebook.

"What are you writing?"

"Trying to write a song but it's all shit," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Play it for me." I shook my head. "Please, Bella?"

Emmett cheated and pouted, knowing I couldn't resist his request when he gave me that look. I rolled my eyes. He could be such a big baby sometimes. "Fine, but just to warn you now, it really sucks."

"Whatever," snorted Emmett.

Closing my eyes, I began to strum my guitar again, slowly letting the notes come flowing out.

"Take my hand and hold me close  
Darkness runs rampant on my heart  
Slowly tearing my fragile soul apart  
Baby, don't let go, fight for me

Oh, Baby, please, fight for me  
Stop the raging shadows  
Never give up on me, I beg of you  
You're my only savior from hell

Keep me close and hold me tight  
Sorrow and pain shredding me to pieces  
Crying and bleeding, falling from grace  
Baby, don't let go, fight for me.

Oh, Baby, please, fight for me.  
Stop the raging shadows  
Never give up on me, I beg of you  
You're my only savior from hell.

Screaming and clawing, seeking the light  
Trying to find my way to you  
Wild and crazy, needing air to breathe  
Baby, don't let go, fight for me."

Panting slightly, I stopped playing and opened my eyes. Emmett was sitting with his elbows on his knees, hand covering his mouth and tears swimming in his eyes. Shifting my gaze from his, I took a shaky breath.

"Told you it was crap," I muttered.

"It wasn't," he whispered. "It's good. Fucking dark, but good."

"No, it's depressing and angry and..." I trailed off, closing my eyes as the tears built in my own eyes.

"Is that how you feel?" he asked. "Like you're being torn apart inside and thrown into hell."

I nodded. "Sometimes," I whimpered.

"Jesus fuck," he muttered. Opening my eyes, I looked over at him. He had his face buried in his hands. "I really fucked everything up, didn't I?"

"No, not just you," I said. Emmett shifted his eyes up at me. "None of us have handled this very well, have we?"

"You know I never meant to hurt you. You know that, right?" His eyes pleaded with me to understand.

"I don't," I admitted. Emmett's eyes widened. "You have to see it from my position, Em. I told you that you were hurting me. I begged you to stop, begged you to understand but you just wouldn't."

"I wanted to," he muttered, tightly. "I'm your big brother, Bell."

"And you always will be, but I need you to prove that you aren't going to be an ass anymore," I said, quietly. "I need the Em that knew I needed Edward yesterday."

"I'm trying to be him, but I might fuck up every once in awhile." Emmett frowned. "I need to know that you aren't going to hate me when I do."

My chin trembled as I shook my head. "I could never hate you, Em. Not ever."

"Promise?" he asked, wiping the tears off his face.

"I promise," I whispered.

"I think I'm going to be sick," muttered Jasper. Emmett and I both laughed as we looked over and saw our brother standing in the doorway, smirking. "If you two drama queens are done being all mushy and shit-"

"Language, Jasper," scolded Esme, placing her hand on his shoulder. "I believe I asked you to tell them breakfast is ready."

"I am, Mom, but they are being all gross," muttered Jasper.

"We are not." Emmett and I laughed, enjoying watching him get into trouble. Esme laughed as she turned and walked into the house. Jasper waited until she walked out of ear range before turning back to us.

"You two are a couple of fucking assholes," he laughed. "Now getcha asses in here so we can eat."

"Jasper!" yelled Esme.

Emmett and I roared with laughter as Jasper's face paled and he muttered under his breath. I closed my music book and carried my guitar into the house, leaning it against the wall behind the door. I followed my brothers into the kitchen, where Esme and Carlisle were sitting at the table, that was covered in food. I washed my hands before settling down in the seat next to my father.

"You feeding an army, Mom?" I asked, looking up at her. She smiled.

"Have you seen your brothers eat?" she countered.

I laughed, and it almost felt normal. "I have."

"Then you answered your own question," she giggled, reaching over and patting my hand while my brothers rolled their eyes.

"We're not that bad," muttered Emmett, reaching for the eggs. However, Esme swatted his hand away. "Mom!"

"Bella goes first," she smirked.

Carlisle leaned back in his chair, elated at the wounded look on his face. You would have thought that Esme had just told him he could eat nothing but grapefruit. "Christ, Emmett, you should see your face," he snickered.

"Fine, I'll let Bella go first," he said, gesturing to the bowl of eggs.

"Thanks," I murmured, picking the bowl up.

The pleased look my parents shared did not go unnoticed by me but I let it go. They were clearly relieved that we could sit at the table for once and not have a meltdown, fight, or screaming match. I had to admit, I liked it, too. These were the moments I had missed the most over the last couple of months. The moments when we were just a family, eating breakfast together and laughing.

I helped myself to a decent size serving of eggs, bacon, and toast. From the corner of my eye, I saw Esme smile as I began to eat. While I still wasn't starving, for the first time in over two months, the food didn't taste completely like eating cardboard. While we ate, Carlisle and Esme talked about how they needed to go to the grocery store, how they needed to finally pick a paint color for their bathroom, and how they needed to call the cable company about the piss poor reception that we got. It was the most normal meal we had experienced as a family in two months.

In the back of my mind, though, I couldn't help but wonder if the Swans had family meals like this, as well. Did they sit around the table, taking about the day's chores and comparing honey-do lists? Did Garrett and Angela tease the fuck out of each other the way Emmett, Jasper, and I did? Would I fit in at their table? Or would I be a stranger, left out because I didn't know them? My heart ached at the thought that I would never find out what kind of family they were.

"Bella, are you ok?" asked Esme.

"What?" I asked, looking over at her and vaguely aware of everyone watching me.

"You were staring off into space. Are you ok?" She frowned, sliding her eyes over to my father.

"I'm fine," I muttered, guilt sweeping over me for ruining breakfast. "I'm done. I think I'm going to go take a shower."

"Ok," she said, sadly.

Putting my plate in the sink, I headed up stairs to my bedroom and shut the door. The walls felt like they were closing in on me. I closed my eyes, trying to push back the feeling. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. Leaning down, I turned on the shower and let the water warm up while I stripped off my clothes, tossing them into the hamper.

The water was fervid as I stepped under it, letting it wash over my shoulders and back. Tilting my head back, I closed my eyes, warmth spreading over me. My shoulders felt tense, rigid with stress. My head ached, my eyes burned, and it wasn't until I hiccuped that I realized I had been standing in the shower crying, and I had no idea why.

Wiping my face furiously, I washed my hair and body. I turned off the water and dried off, wrapping the towel around my body and heading back into my bedroom. My heart raced as I got dressed, putting on my favorite jeans and Bon Jovi t-shirt. Once again, my room felt like it closing in around me. As fast as I could, I scurried out of my room and headed back downstairs.

Emmett and Jasper were laying on the couches, watching some music video where the chic was dressed like an alien and floating through space. I could hear my parents in the kitchen, washing up the dishes from breakfast. Moving over, I picked up my guitar from behind the front door. That's when I heard my mother's voice.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Carlisle," said Esme, fear and yearning in each word. "There is so much sadness in her. Her eyes don't sparkle the way they used to."

"It's going to take some time," came my father's calming voice. "She's made great progress over the last couple of days."

"Progress?" scoffed Esme. "She's run away, cried herself to sleep, woke up screaming. I don't see that as progress."

"She's talking to us, isn't she?" he countered. "She told us about the cliffs."

"To think about how close we came to losing her," wept Esme. Guilt stabbed at me. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked back to see Jasper standing there, frown on his face.

"Come on," he whispered.

I followed him and Emmett out of the house, leaving our parents in the kitchen to deal with everything. My brothers led me over to the jeep, where Emmett tossed me the keys, and climbed into the backseat. Emmett never let either one of us drive. I shared a look with Jasper, who was surprised, as well, but shrugged it off and climbed into the jeep. Looking back at the house once more, I climbed in behind the wheel and pulled out of the driveway.

Before I knew it, I found myself parked down at first beach. Shutting off the engine, I climbed out of the jeep and headed down to the beach, leaving my brothers sitting in the car. Mist fell gently on my face. I stopped at the edge of the water, watching as the angry gray waves slapped against the rocks and cliff sides along the banks. I felt my brothers come up behind me, but neither of them said anything.

"I miss the sun," I murmured.

"Me too," sighed Emmett.

I turned and faced him. "But I don't regret moving here."

"You don't?" he asked, hurt in his eyes. Jasper shifted his eyes to the ground.

I shook my head. "No," I murmured. "I always wondered what they were like. Wondered what had happened that day. Of course, I was convinced that they had gotten rid of me because they didn't want me anymore, not because someone jacked our car." I paused and looked back out at the water. "I wouldn't have Edward."

"And I wouldn't have Alice," whispered Jasper.

"I wouldn't have Rose," agreed Emmett, plopping down in the sand. I sat down next to him, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. Jasper sat down next to me, leaning back on his hands.

"I do hate all this fucking rain, though," he said.

I smiled. "Me too," I giggled. "Edward keeps saying that I'll get used to it, but I don't think I will."

"Yeah, Ali says the same thing," chuckled Jasper.

"Ali?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah, she only lets me call her that," he muttered, blushing. Emmett fall back laughing.

"Dude, you're blushing!" he roared. I couldn't help but laugh with him. All the times, they had ridden me about my incessant blushing.

"Aw, Jas is in love," I teased.

"I am," he said, proudly. Emmett and I both slopped laughing.

"You are?" asked Emmett. Jasper nodded his head. "How do you know?"

"Um, I don't know," he mumbled, cheeks turning even darker. "It's like when she's not here, I can't..." Jasper trailed off as he searched for the right word.

I whispered, "Breathe. You can't breathe."

"Yeah." He shifted his eyes to mine. "Edward?"

I nodded my head. From the other side of me, I heard Emmett inhale deeply. Looking over at him, I pleaded with to hear me out. "Edward makes me feel safe."

"We used to," muttered Emmett.

"Yeah, you did, and I want you to again, but you don't right now," I replied, honestly. "Em, nobody has ever looked at me like Edward does. He sees the real me."

"The real you?" he asked.

"The scared girl, who's afraid of being lost again," I whispered. Agony spread across face as he looked away. "I'm not trying to hurt you."

"I can remember what you were like when you first came to us." Emmett spoke so softly that I could barely hear him. "Flashes here and there of you screaming in your sleep. Begging for Mom and Dad to find them." He took a deep breath as he looked back over at me and Jasper. "I prayed every goddamn night that they wouldn't. How fucking selfish is that?" he asked, sorrow radiating out of him. "I just didn't want you to leave, Bella. I wanted you as my sister."

"I am your sister," I cried. "I've never regretted my life with you and Jas, Em. Never."

"We know that, Bella," said Jasper, slipping his arm around my shoulder and holding me against his chest. "We're just not used to having to compete for your attention. Well, except for with each other."

"You don't have to compete," I muttered. "I can be your sister, Edward's girlfriend, Garrett and Angela's friend."

"You make it sound easy," murmured Emmett. I turned my eyes back to him.

"Why can't it be?" I asked.

"Because Garrett and Angela are going to want you to be their sister, too," he explained, shaking his head.

"And that's a bad thing?"

"No," he admitted, frowning as he looked at me. "But I already have to share you with that asshole," he said, gesturing to Jasper.

"You fucker," chuckled Jasper, while I outright laughed. Emmett grinned like a fool as he laid back on the ground.

"I don't like to share," snickered Emmett. I laughed harder as I shook my head.

"You never did," I chortled. "You spent more time in trouble cause you wouldn't share your toys with me and Jas."

"You two assholes used to tattle on me," he chuckled.

"Yeah, we did," admitted Jasper. "All you had to do was let us play with your fucking GI Joes but no, you had to be difficult."

"You would have broken them," said Emmett, propping himself up on his elbows. "Like you always broke all of yours."

"You were the one who broke them," argued Jasper.

"Did not," scoffed Emmett.

"You did, too." Jasper threw his hands up as he fell back into the sand.

I laughed silently as I laid back with him and Emmett, letting the mist fall down on us. As he and Emmett continued to bicker back and forth, I laid between them, just listening. Rolling onto my side, I tucked my arms to my chest and my thoughts drifted off. When Garrett and Angela were little, did they play together? Did they argue and fight? Would I have been put in the middle of their arguments like I had always been with Emmett and Jasper? Would I ever truly fit in with them?

Feeling the overwhelming panic start slipping over me again, I scrambled to my feet and took off toward the water. My lungs felt tight, like someone had reached into my chest, wrapped their hands around them, and started squeezing, stopping the air from being able to inflate them. I ran into the water, shivering as the icy cold water rushed over me.

"Bella!" yelled Emmett, as I inhaled deeply and ducked under the water.

I stayed under the water as my lungs burned, begging for me to push up and let the air in. Before I could, two sets of arms, gripped mine and pulled me up to the surface. Gasping, I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with even colder air.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" snapped Emmett as he and Jasper dragged me up to the shore. I ripped my arms out of their hands.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed, taking off running.

I had barely taken more than a handful of steps when Emmett tackled me to the ground, encasing me in his large arms. I fought against him but it was futile. Letting my body relax, I clutched onto his arms, letting my tears fall. Again, I had no idea why. Emmett held me, keeping me tucked up to him while Jasper stood there watching.

"Why, Bella?" asked Emmett. "Why would you do that?"

"I don't know," I cried. "I don't know!"

"Come on, let's get her in the jeep," muttered Jasper, reaching down and taking my hand.

Emmett shoved his hand off of me and stood up, somehow managing to keep me in his arms. I slipped my arms around his neck and held on as tightly as I could. Jasper ran past us and opened the door. Emmett set me in the backseat, climbing in next to me and pulled me back into his arms. Jasper ran around and climbed in behind the wheel, starting the jeep and turning the heater on as high as it would go. I kept my head on Emmett's shoulder. Jasper turned around in the seat and looked back at us.

"Talk to us, Bell," he urged.

Closing my eyes, I shook my head. "I really don't know. It's like...I don't know."

"You do know," he said, reaching back and grabbing my hand. "Please, tell us."

"I got scared." My voice shook. "I don't even really know why, but I did. It felt like everything closed in on me and...I don't know, I guess I just needed to find a way to...stop it."

"Then you talk to us. You tell us how you are feeling and we will find a way to help you but you don't go doing stupid shit like jumping in the fucking ocean when it's fucking freezing," grumbled Emmett.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered.

"We know," he sighed. "Let's just get home and get some dry clothes on."

"Ok," I murmured.

Jasper started the jeep and headed back to Forks. Every few seconds, however, he would look in the rear view mirror at me and Emmett. Mostly at me. I wanted to reassure him that I was ok, but I couldn't lie, I wasn't ok. Everything just seemed so fucked up and crazy. Ten minutes later, Jasper pulled the jeep into the driveway and we all climbed out, noticing the black SUV sitting in front of the house. Emmett still had his arm around my shoulder as we made our way up the porch and into the house.

My heart clenched in my chest. Charlie and Renee were sitting in the living room with my parents.


	32. Chapter 32

Charlie and Renee Swan were there, just sitting in our living room. Like they owned the place and could do as they pleased. I shifted my eyes over to my mother, who was staring at me with wide eyes. "What the hell have you guys been doing?" she exclaimed, standing up and eyes raking over my brothers and I. "You're soaking wet."

"What is going on here?" I asked, sharply, ignoring her probing question. "Why are they here?"

"They came by to talk," said Esme, stepping toward us but I stepped away. She stopped, eyes popping even wider. "Bella-"

"Talk to who?" I gritted out. "You and Dad?"

"Yes," she replied, slowly. And I understood. "Sweetheart-"

"How long?" Clenching my fists tightly, I muttered, "How long have you been telling them about me?"

"It's not like that," said Carlisle, standing up. "They-"

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM!" I screamed. "YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME!"

"Do not scream at us like a child, Bella," snapped Carlisle. I took a deep breath as Emmett and Jasper placed their hands on my shoulders.

"How long?" I asked again.

"Since you nearly fell off the cliffs," he admitted. "We needed-"'

"You've been lying to me," I muttered, shaking my head. "For a month, you've been lying to me."

"No, we have not," he said, slipping his arm around Esme, who was weeping softly. "We've been trying to get to know them."

"You don't need to know them," sneered Emmett. "They are the fucking enemy."

"EMMETT, LANGUAGE!" shrieked Esme. Everyone shifted their eyes over to her, shocked by her outburst. Taking a much needed calming breath, she said, "I will not tolerate that language in my house. I've had enough of it. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, ma'am," muttered Emmett. Esme shifted her eyes from him down to me.

"We needed to get to know them," she started.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because they raised you for three years, Bella, and there are things that they know that we've always wondered."

"Like what?" My voice shook as the tears welled up in my eyes. "You know who I am, they don't."

"But we don't know who you were," she said, softly. "Bella, sweetheart, you came to us as this little scared girl, who needed her mommy and daddy."

"And I found you," I cried, bringing my hand up to my lips. "You are my mommy and he's my daddy." Charlie and Renee flinched, and I turned to them. "I don't mean to hurt you, that's just how it is."

"We know," frowned Charlie, chin trembling. "As much as we want to be those people for you, we can't be." Dropping his face I his hands, he cried. "We have so many questions and...We don't want to push you but..."

"But what?" I asked, sniffing.

Charlie looked at me. "But we've wondered everyday where you were, who you had become. We don't want to hurt you or make you feel guilty for not wanting us."

"It's not that I don't want you," I wept." I just..."

"She just doesn't want to hurt anyone, either," said Emmett. I looked up at him, tears still pouring down my face. He closed his eyes and pulled me against his chest, body shaking as he cried silently. "It's ok, Bella, to let them in and talk to them. It's ok now."

"Em," I sobbed.

"I know," he muttered, letting his tears fall into my hair. "It's ok, I know." Kissing the top of my head, he looked back at our parents, Charlie, and Renee. "I..." Emmett trailed off, taking a shaky breath. "We..."

Emmett let his words die as he slipped his arm from around me and headed over to the stairs, taking them two at a time. Jasper cleared his throat as he followed, not once uttering a word the entire time. I wrapped my arms around my body, shifting my eyes back over to where my parents stood next to my birth parents. I felt betrayed and lied to. They had promised me that they would give me time to deal with everything. Had they been sharing with each other everything? The nightmares, the breakdowns, the few times I managed to open up and tell them how I was really feeling.

"Well," said Carlisle, clearing his throat. "This is awkward." I couldn't disagree, so I just stood there. "Bella, come sit down and let's talk about this."

I shook my head. There was no way I could sit there with everyone. My father opened his mouth to argue with me but I slid the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest. "I'll sit here."

"Bella-"

"I'm sitting here," I muttered.

Reluctantly, he nodded his head and sat down. Esme slid onto the couch next to my father, dabbing the tears out of her eyes. Awkward silence filled the room, as everyone stared at me, waiting for me to make the first move, I suppose. The problem was, I had no idea what to say to them. Or maybe, the real problem was that I had too many questions, fears. Too much of everything built up inside of me.

"We were just telling your...mom and dad," started Charlie, frown slipping over his lips as he mentioned my parents, "about your first birthday."

"What about it?" I asked.

"Mostly about your party." Renee smiled, lifting a leather photo album off the table and setting it in her lap.

Tears filled my eyes. "Are those pictures?"

"Yes," murmured Renee. "I don't know if you want to see them but-"

"I do," I whispered.

Renee nodded her head and stood up, slowly walking over and handing me the album. My hands shook as I took it from her and set it across my legs. The tears that had been swimming in my eyes, spilled over as I looked down, seeing pictures of myself as baby for the first time. She wasn't lying when she said I had been bald. If it wasn't for the butterfly earrings in my ears, and the pink bow on my head, you would have thought I was boy.

"We were so excited about your party," she said, sitting on the floor about two feet away from me. I looked up at her. "Your grandparents, my mother and father, flew in from Maine to be there. And the minute you saw them at the airport, you started crying."

Renee smiled. "You were always really shy. Anyway, my mother tried to calm you down but nothing worked. We were standing in the middle of the airport, and people were staring at us. Dad...Charlie had Garrett and my father started singing to you."

Renee laughed, wiping away a tear that fell from her eye. "You stopped crying immediately. After that, he was convinced that you loved him more than anyone because you would crawl up into his lap and he would sing to you for hours. You were mesmerized by him."

"Where are they at?" I asked.

Renee's smile faded. "They're gone," she replied, sadly. "A few years after you...were taken. My dad, Roger, first, and then my mother, Marie, several months later."

"How?"

"My dad had lung cancer and my mother died of grief." Renee brought her hand up to her mouth. "Sorry, I miss them."

"I shouldn't have asked," I mumbled.

"Of course, you should have." Renee smiled and gestured to the photo. "At around three in the morning, you woke up screaming your head off. You had been sleeping through the night for months, so I knew something was wrong. I scrambled out of bed and rushed into your room, lifting you into my arms. You were burning with fever. Dad...Charlie came in with the thermometer and we took your temperature, it was 103."

Renee shook her head. "I was terrified and started pulling off your pajamas while...Charlie called the doctor's office. I got you into the tub, trying to cool you off but all it did was cause you to scream louder. So I held you in my arms and climbed in with you, laying you against my chest."

Her lips trembled. "You brought hand up and...placed it over my lips," she said. "The doctor ordered us to take you straight to the hospital, so Dad...Charlie pulled the blanket off our bed and wrapped it around the two of us and led us out to the car. I swear, he drove eighty miles an hour that night."

"Only seventy," piped up Charlie, moving over and sitting on the floor next to Renee. Leaning over, he kissed the side of her head. "Maybe seventy-five."

"Eighty," she smiled, turning back to me and blushing. "When we got to the hospital, your doctor, Dr. Davis, was waiting for us in the ER. He took us down to one of the rooms and started checking you over. You had pneumonia and ended up being admitted. You spent three days, including your birthday, in there. Garrett wasn't supposed to be allowed in the pediatric ward of the hospital, but after you spent the better part of two days crying for your bubby, as you called Garrett, the nurses let him come in. He crawled up on the bed with you and held your hand. The two of you fell asleep like that."

"After you came home, he barely left your side," said Charlie, slipping his arm around Renee's waist.

"When I was around six, I had to have my appendix out," I whispered, wrapping my arms around my knees. "I don't remember much but it hurt and my mom and dad stayed in the hospital with me. Emmett and Jasper brought me coloring books, stuffed animals...my favorite blanket."

Charlie frowned. "That must have been scary."

I nodded. "I thought they were going to leave me there like you...like that guy did. My mom pinky promised that she would never leave my side and she didn't."

"I'm glad they were there for you," he muttered.

Pulling on my bottom lip, I asked, "Are you parents still alive?"

"No, my parents died while I was in college," he explained. "Car accident."

"Oh."

"We weren't very close. They weren't what you would call attentive." Charlie smiled, weakly. "Not like the parents you have."

I looked away, unsure of what to say. "Um..."

"What do you like to do?" asked Renee. I shifted my eyes back up to her. "I mean, like hobbies or whatever."

"Oh, um, I play the guitar," I replied, looking back at my beat up guitar. "I write music, and I like to sing, even though I don't think I am very good."

"She's amazing," said Esme. We all turned to her. "She sounds like an angel when she sings."

"No, I don't," I disagreed, shaking my head.

"I'm sure your...mom is right." Renee smiled as she turned back to me. "I'd love to hear you sing."

I shook my head, feeling overwhelmed again. "I can't," I stammered. "I..."

"It's ok, maybe another time," suggested Renee. I nodded, unsure if I would ever be ready. "Anything else you like to do?"

Renee, Charlie, and I sat on the floor talking for nearly three more hours. I told them about starting school, learning how to read and write, how I fell in love with music, and so much more about who I was now. While it was hard to see the pain on their faces at all they've missed, it felt kind of nice to be able to sit down with them and share that, even if we didn't talk about the elephant in the room. I just wasn't sure I was ready to ask about how they never found me. Not yet, at least.

While I told them about who I was now, they told me about who I was then. From stories of my first few days home to when they potty trained me, to the first ballet class I took, but could not remember. With each story was a picture of me. Me swaddled in a pink and white blanket, running around the house in a pair of Snow White panties and nothing else. Me wearing pink tights, a black leotard with my hair pulled up into a bun, and tiny pink ballet slippers on my feet.

The entire time we sat on the floor talking, my parents sat over on the couch, watching us, listening to us, but giving us the time we needed to hear what the other was saying. There was no pressure to be more than what we were, just three people trying to get to know each others. Maybe one day, we could have more.

"Well, we should go," sighed Renee. The three of us stood up and she reached out like she wanted to hug me, but thought better of it. I bit the inside of my bottom lip, shifting from one foot to the other. "Um, thank you for...talking with us."

"I'm trying," I whispered, feeling my tears building again. "I really am."

"We know," said Charlie, slipping his arm around Renee. "We are, too."

"Maybe..." I hesitated for a moment. "Maybe we could, I don't know, have dinner or something sometime and... I don't know, talk some more."

Renee nodded her head, bringing her hand up to her mouth. "We'd like that," she whispered, thickly. "Just call us when you are ready and we'll make some plans or something."

"Ok," I murmured.

Charlie and Renee looked back at my parents, nodding their heads before they walked out of the house and out to their car. I stood on the porch and watched as they drove away. Once Charlie and Renee left, I headed up to my room and took a hot shower, washing the ocean away. My head ached from crying, stressing, worrying about every word that I said today. I washed my hair and body, before turning off the water and drying off. I headed back into my bedroom and got dressed, slipping on a pair of flannel red and black plaid pajama pants and a black t-shirt.

I was sitting on my bed, brushing my hair, when someone knocked on the door to my room. Closing my eyes, I set my brush on my nightstand and climbed off my bed, walking across the room and opening the door. I should have expected it but I was still surprised to see Esme and Carlisle stand there, both with concern all over their faces.

"Can we talk?" asked Esme, pushing past me and not really giving me an option.

"Um, sure, I guess," I muttered stepping out of the way so my father could come in. Shutting the door behind him, I walked over and climbed onto my bed, pulling my pillow in front of me. Carlisle and Esme sat down on the edge of my bed, looking over at me. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"I think you know exactly what we want to talk to you about," said Carlisle, placing his hand on my mother's shoulder. "Emmett told us."

"He told you what?" I asked, nervously.

"About you going for a little swim." Carlisle frowned. "Why would you do that?"

I shifted my eyes away from his. "I don't know," I muttered.

"You do know," he insisted, reaching over and placing his hand over mine. I looked back over at him. "Talk to us."

"I really don't know." I sighed, feeling stupid and out of control. "We were sitting on the beach, just...enjoying the day. All I could think about was if Garrett and Angela had moments like that. Would the three of us be friends if..." I trailed off.

"If you hadn't gotten taken," supplied Esme.

I nodded. "It felt like everything was closing in on me and I had to do something, anything, to get some control or whatever. So I stood up and took off running toward the water. The moment I went under, the panic went away."

"Were you trying to kill yourself?" Carlisle spoke so softly I barely heard him, but I did.

"NO!" I gasped, shaking my head. "I don't want to die, I just want that feeling to go away."

"You think jumping on the icy cold water or nearly falling off a cliff is the way to deal with it?"  
he asked, shortly. I flinched. "Bella-"

"I don't like feeling so out of control," I whispered, tears swimming in my eyes.

"We know, Sweetheart, but running every time you get scared, hiding behind your music, or Edward-"

"I'm not hiding behind him," I argued, interrupting my mother. "He has nothing to do with this."

"Are you sure about that?" asked Esme. "Every time you get scared, he's the one you go to."

"Because he makes me feel better, safer," I mumbled, feeling my cheeks warm up. Carlisle inhaled sharply and I lifted my gaze up to him. "Daddy, he makes me happy."

"I know he does, but I don't have to like it," he admitted, smiling. Shaking his head, he laid back on my bed. "You're my little girl, Bella. My only daughter. I'm never going to like any of the boys that show you any attention. It's like my job not to like them."

"But I need you to like him," I grumbled. Carlisle looked over at me. "You're my daddy and I need you to accept him in my life."

"You're only seventeen," he said, sitting up.

I bit my lip, nervously. "I know, but..."

"But?" he asked.

"I love him." The words slipped out between my lips before I could stop them. Slapping my hand over my face, my eyes popped open, just as his did.

"Love?" he choked out. Esme smiled, looking between the two of us. "You love him? Like you think you are in love with him?"

"Yes," I whispered. "I am in love with him."

"No, you aren't." Carlisle stood up, running his hand over his face before turning back to me. "You can't see him anymore."

"What?" I yelled, scrambling off my bed. "That's not fair!"

"As your father, I demand that you stop seeing him," ordered Carlisle. I folded my arms in front of my chest, and glared. "Don't look at me like that."

I didn't say anything. He huffed and matched my stance, returning my icy glare. For several long minutes, we stood there, staring each other down. Neither of us willing to back down. Edward had been there for me when I had nobody else, when I found myself hanging off a cliff and facing my death, both literally and figuratively. When everyone else told me who to trust, or not to trust, Edward was there.

Carlisle threw his hands up, muttering about not liking that I would dare stand up to him as he stormed out of my room. Esme laughed as she stood up and slipped her arms around my shoulder.

"Sweetheart, you know he doesn't mean it," said Esme.

"He does," I disagreed, "but I know it's hard for him."

"You really love him?"

I blushed. "I do," I murmured.

"I had a feeling." Esme smiled, leaning over and kissing the side of my head. "We're worried about you and how you are dealing with all of this."

"I know but I don't know what to do."

"Talk to us, and let us help you. Talk to Marcus, Emmett, Jasper. Even Edward, just talk to anyone who can help you work through the panic without going to such drastic measures."

"What if you don't like what I have to say?" I asked.

"Then we'll deal with it as it comes, but no matter what, we are never going to stop loving you. And it's ok to wonder what would have been."

"Then why do I feel guilty?"

"Because you are so worried about making everyone else happy, that you can't see that all we want is what makes you smile."

Esme shut the door to my room behind her and I climbed back onto my bed, hugging my pillow to my chest. Almost as if he knew we had just be talking about him, my cell phone chimed with a new text message. I reached over and picked up my phone, flipping it open. A smile spread across my face.

**I miss you**

_I miss you, too_

Less than twenty seconds later, my phone started ringing indicating a new call. Laughing quietly, I flipped it open. "Hi."

"Hey," said Edward. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing, kind of been a long day."

"Everything ok?" he asked, concern filling his voice.

"Yes, no, I don't know." I sighed, rolling onto my back and flopping my arm over my eyes.

"What happened?" he pushed.

I sat up, pulling my knees up as I told him about going to First Beach with my brothers, jumping into the ocean, and coming back and finding Charlie and Renee sitting with my parents. Edward listened patiently as I told him what we talked about, how we traded stories back and forth, both trying to learn more of who we were and who we are now.

"I guess I just feel a little overwhelmed," I admitted.

"Baby, when you get scared like that you have to talk to your brothers or your parents. You can't keep all of that locked inside."

"My mom said the same thing," I murmured. "But it's hard to tell them that I get scared. I don't like making them sad."

"What do you think they are going to feel if you hurt yourself or worse?" he asked. I shut my eyes, knowing he was right. "Baby, they can handle it. They just want you to talk to them. It's the only way they can help."

"I know," I said, quietly. "What did you do today?"

"My parents and I headed into Seattle," he replied. "Family therapy day."

"Oh." I wasn't sure what else to say.

"It helps," was all he added. "After that we went and ate lunch at our favorite restaurant and did a little bit of shopping. Apparently, I needed new shirts."

"Did you get some?" I asked.

"Four," he laughed. "My mom swore you would like them."

"I'm sure I will," I giggled, rolling onto my side. "Tell me about them."

"No, I want you to be surprised."

"That's not fair," I huffed.

"Too bad." Edward laughed again, and I smiled, loving hearing him laugh. "You'll just have to wait."

"Fine," I sighed, yawning into the phone. "Excuse me, that was rude."

"You need to sleep," he said. "You're tired."

"I am," I admitted.

"I'll call you tomorrow, ok?" he asked.

"Ok," I whispered, pulling on my bottom lip. "I...I love you."

"I love you, too," he murmured. "Sweet dreams, Baby."

I sighed as I closed my phone and placed it on my night table. Reaching down, I tugged my blankets up over me and snuggled into my bed, hugging my pillow to my chest again. Instead of nightmares, I dreamed about Edward.


	33. Chapter 33

"Bella, if you don't stop tapping your nails on the table, I'm going to cut all of them off," threatened Alice. Shifting my gaze over to hers, I saw her glaring at me from across the lunch table.

"Sorry," I muttered, pulling my hand off the table. Edward reached over, slipping his hand in with mine, giving me a comforting squeeze. Lifting my eyes to his, he smiled, which I returned.

The bell rang, everyone but me and Edward stood up, shuffling out of the cafeteria. Emmett and Jasper throwing me a sad smile on their way out. Edward stood up, pulling me to my feet, and out of the large room. He held my hand tightly as he walked me down the hallway, ignoring the fact that he was late for class. Stopping at the front door, he brought his other hand up, caressing my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

Leaning in, he brushed his lips across mine. "I'll see you later, okay."

I nodded, "Okay."

With one last kiss, I pushed open the doors and headed down to where my father waited for me. Climbing into the car, I looked back at the school where Edward stood, watching as Carlisle pulled away from the curb. Facing the front, I brought my nails up to my mouth, preparing myself as much as I could for my next therapy session.

An hour later, Carlisle parked his car in front of the now familiar red brick building, cutting the engine. With my legs feeling like jello, I climbed out, somehow managing to walk up to the front door and head inside. Janine smiled at us as we took our seats, waiting for Marcus to come out and get me. My father placed his arm on the back of my chair, trying to comfort me as much as he could. The last week had been hard for him, he still was pissed that I had fallen in love with Edward. It's not so much that he hated Edward, just the fact I had found love at the tender age of seventeen. In his eyes, I would always be the little girl who crawled up on his lap, begging him to listen to music together. Leaning my head over onto his shoulder, I realized that I wanted to be that little girl, too.

Marcus opened his door, looking over at me. Like he always seemed to, he wore a pair of faded blue jeans, and a black t-shirt. I stood up, leaving my father in the waiting room, and walked into his office, flinching when Marcus shut the door behind me. He went over and sat down on the one of the red chairs, while I stood there, willing my legs to move.

"Are you going to sit?" He gestured to his shrinks couch, or the other red chair.

I shook my head, walking over and studying one of his paintings. "This is new."

"Yes, just got it last week." Marcus came up, standing next to me. In the center of the white canvas was a large red dot, multicolor squiggly lines shot from the center, like rays of sunlight. "Do you like it?"

"It's pretty," I muttered.

"The artist's name is Miranda," he cleared his throat. "She used to be a patient of mine. Well, I suppose she still is, even though she hasn't been back for a session in almost two years. She leaves me these paintings every few months."

"Why?" I wondered.

"Because she says with her art work, what she can't say with her voice," he explained. Pointing up the large red dot, "See, this is her center, the base of her turmoil. Clearly, I can't tell you why she started coming to me, but the dot used to be much larger than is it now. The lines flowing from it, represent her struggles to keep control over her life, dealing with the unexpected blows that try to attack her. She uses her art, like you use your music, as her voice."

"But does anyone hear her?" I looked up at him. "Because nobody hears me."

Marcus walked back over, sitting down on one of the red chairs. "Do you really believe that nobody is listening to you?"

"Sometimes," I admitted, bringing my hand up to my chest. Turning back to the painting, I shook my head. "I feel guilty."

"For what?"

"For wanting it all," I murmured. Walking over, I sat on the edge of the couch, tucking my arms into my body. "I keep wondering about what might have been."

"Explain," he pushed.

Taking a deep breath, I whispered, "What if I hadn't been taken? We'll be eating dinner, and my brothers will be joking around with each other, or maybe, my parents start talking about their days, and all I can think about is if the Swan's do that same thing." I paused, wiping away a tear before it fell. "I'm tired of crying."

"Crying is good," he offered me his box of tissues. "It means you feel."

"Well, I'm tired of feeling like this, then," I muttered.

"Did you have nightmares this week?" I nodded, but didn't offer any details. "The same ones, or new."

"Both," I turned to the picture. "He's always there, the faceless man. He's haunting me. Chasing me, trying to kill me, pulling me away from everyone I need." Shifting my eyes to Marcus, I stopped fighting the tears. "What does he want from me?"

He ignored my question, asking one of his own. "Do you fight him in your dreams?"

"I try, but he's stronger than I am."

"In your dreams, does anyone try to help you?" he pressed.

Shaking my head, I replied, "They leave me alone with him."

"What does he do to you?"

I scooted back, pulling my knees up to my chest. My lips trembled as the words tumble between my lips, "He kills me."

Scooting onto the floor, Marcus crawled over, placing his hands over mine, stopping them from shaking. "How does he kill you?"

I wept. "He throws me off the cliff."

"When you wake up, do you tell anyone about the nightmare?" I shook my head."Why not?"

"I don't want them to be sad," I whispered.

"Bella, you make them sad by keeping everything locked away inside of yourself." Marcus moved, sitting on the couch next to me. "When you think about the Swans, what do you feel?"

I shrugged my shoulders, knowing this time I couldn't put this off, but I didn't even knew how I felt. "I used to hate them," I stated, looking anywhere but at him. "I blamed them for everything."

"What's everything?" he pushed.

"For leaving me, not finding me when I was taken. For finding me now," I explained. "I always imagined them to be lowlifes, or druggies." Turning, I looked at Marcus. "They're not. They're nice."

"Would it have been easier if they hadn't been nice?" he leaned back on the couch, crossing his legs.

"It would have made it easier to hate them," I pondered. "I still feel like they gave up on me, but..."

"But what?"

"Maybe they had to move on," I frowned. "In order to get through one day to the next, maybe they had to move on from me."

Marcus stood up, walked over to his desk. He rifled through the top drawer, pulling out a blue folder. He came back over, sat down next to me. "Here," he held out the folder to me.

"What's this?" I asked, taking it from him.

"Something you need to see," He told me.

Flipping open the folder, I found it stuffed with newspaper articles. My hand shook as I pulled out the first one, dated the third of December, 1996. Across the top was the headline, **Three Year Old Girl Taken in Carjacking. **Under the caption, was a picture of me. Tears poured down my face, I looked up at Marcus.

"I knew you would need to see these sooner or later," he spoke, softly. "Look through the rest."

Breathing raspy, shallow breaths, I flipped through one newspaper clipping after another, each detailing Renee's car, the man who took me, begging for my safe return. One detailing how they found the car in Nevada but there were no traces of me left behind. Another of how the police closed my case, declaring that I had been murdered, and left somewhere unknown. Others where Charlie and Renee had pleaded with them to reopen the case, to keep searching. Slowly the dates on the articles became further and further apart, but there were nearly ten years' worth of articles in the folders. Each one had a picture of me, Renee, and Charlie. They both looked grief stricken, desperate for information.

Closing the folder, I looked up at Marcus. "Where did you find these?"

"From Charlie and Renee."

Nodding, I shifted my eyes back to the cover of the blue folder. "This doesn't explain how they didn't find me for fourteen years."

"No, it doesn't," he agreed, "but there's never going to be a reason that will be acceptable to you, Bella. They can tell you a hundred times how they never gave up, but you will never truly believe that. Do you know why?" I shook my head. "Because you don't want to believe it. You've spent fourteen years telling yourself that they gave up, and until you realize otherwise, you will never really trust them."

"You make it sound easy," I grumbled.

Marcus laughed, "I never said it would be easy." Becoming serious, he sighed, "Bella, you've had to deal with a lot, and it's going to take time to really work through it all. You may never be where they want you to be, and that's ok."

"It is?"

"Yes, because while it would be nice for you to get to the point where being around them doesn't make you feel guilty, our most important goal is to get you to the point where you are comfortable with yourself, who you are."

"I don't know who I am anymore," I muttered.

He smiled. "That's what we are trying to find out. Are you still writing in your journal?"

I nodded, "I need a new one. I kind of already filled that one up," I admitted, sheepishly.

Chuckling, Marcus stood up, walking back to his desk and pulling me out a blank one. "I'm glad you're writing. It's a safe place to get everything out. Just make sure that you don't shut your family out completely."

"They hurt when I tell them how I'm feeling," I frowned, thinking how aloof my father's been for the last few days.

"They hurt more when you don't," he chided. I flinched. "We only have a few minutes left, but can we talk about what happened last week."

Shifting my gaze away, I sighed. "Do we have to?"

"Kind of," he nodded. "You freaked out. Why?"

"I don't like thinking about the cliffs," I admitted.

Marcus leaned back on the couch, placing his arm on the back. "We can't ignore the fact that you went to those cliffs with the intent of killing yourself." I blanched. "You're lucky Edward was there."

Looking up at him, I murmured, "I know, I think about how close I was every day. I don't want to die, Marcus. I want the pain to end. Every night, I climb into my bed, terrified of what images are going to haunt me that night. Every morning, I wake up, trying to remember what it felt like to just be me. The panic, or whatever, makes it hard for me to breath every day. Tell me how to make it stop!"

"Calm down," he soothed, placing his hand on my shoulder. "You're having anxiety attacks?"

"I don't know what they are," I closed my eyes. "I get so...I don't know, nervous. I can't breathe, or think."

"When you feel like that, I need to you call me, okay? I can help you work through them."

"I don't want to be a bother," I groused.

"Hey, look at me," he ordered. I looked at him. "You are not a bother to anyone, least of all to me. Now, I need to know that when you walk out of my office today, that you are going to call me when you feel scared."

I nodded, "Okay, I'll call you. I promise."

"Good," he sighed, relief evident in his tone. "I know it's hard, but you're doing great. Nobody expects you to be better after just a few weeks."

"Doesn't feel like I'm doing good at all."

"Hey, I got you to sit on the couch, didn't I?" he snickered, standing up. "Give me a few more weeks, you'll be laying down, dreaming up all sorts of juicy stories to tell me."

"Never going to happen," I giggled.

Marcus walked me back out to the waiting room, where Carlisle sat reading a new book entitled Mocked by Destiny. Looking up, he closed his book, and stood up, smiling at us. Marcus told him he would see him next week for his and Esme's appointments, before heading back into his office. My father and I headed back out to the car, and back to Forks. He didn't ask me how my appointment went, knowing that I wouldn't tell him anyway.

We were about halfway home, when I turned to him. "Dad."

"What?" He asked, shifting his eyes to me for just a moment before looking back at the road.

"Do you blame them?" I wondered.

"Charlie and Renee?" I nodded my head. Carlisle inhaled, sharply. "A little."

Looking back out the window, I asked, "Do you think they gave up on me?"

"No, but I don't think they tried as hard as they could. I'd go to the ends of the earth for you, sweetheart." He reached down, flicking on the radio, finding us the perfect station, and cranked up the music. Piano Man by Billy Joel came on, we both started singing along, laughing.

When Carlisle pulled up into the driveway, I was surprised to see Edward's car in front. Glancing over at my father, I climbed out of the car. He muttered something I didn't hear under his breath, but followed me up the porch and into the house. Emmett, Jasper, Rose, Alice, and Edward were sitting on the couches, watching television. Looking back when we walked in, Edward smiled, I blushed, and my father groaned.

"Kids," he grumbled, walking into the kitchen.

I giggled, Edward stood up, nearly catapulting over the couch, and slipping his arms around my waist, pulling my body closer to his. My cheeks heated up even more. "I missed you," he murmured, brushing my lips with his.

"I missed you, too," I smiled. "Should I be worried that you're here with my brothers?"  
Edward shook his head, "They asked me to hang out. They're making an effort, figured I could do the same."

"And, um, it's going ok?" I questioned, shifting my eyes to where they sat with Rose and Alice, pretending to watch some music video.

"It was kind of weird at first, but then you mom brought us in some cookies and milk, causing Emmett to get very red in the face when she scolded him for not waiting until Rose and Alice had gotten some before grabbing a handful of them."

"Wish I'd been here to see that," I snickered.

"It wasn't that funny," muttered Emmett.

"Yes, it was," laughed Alice, and Rose, while Jasper burst out laughing, burying his face in Alice's hair.

Edward smiled, pulling me over to the couch, sitting with me right next to him. From the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett frown a little, but just as quick, it was gone, and he turned back to the television. Leaning my head on Edward's shoulder, I held onto his hand, turned my attention to the music video. The only people missing were Garrett, Kate, Ben, and Angela. Maybe in time, we could all hang out like friends.


	34. Chapter 34

I was going to be sick. My stomach rolled, bile rising in my throat, yet, I couldn't seem to get my feet to move toward the bathroom. Instead, I stood in front of my full length mirror, scrutinizing every detail of my face and body, trying to find anything that connected me to the people sitting down in the living room, waiting for me to join them.

My dark, mahogany hair almost seemed to be the same color as Charlie's, so were my dark, chocolate colored eyes, at least according to Edward. Raising my hand, I pushed back my long locks, running my fingers through the waves, pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth. Did I have Renee's nose, lips? Where my ears passed down to me by Charlie?

Letting my eyes travel down, I took in the rest of my body. I'd never really thought about how tall I was, barely standing at five foot five. Charlie had long legs, but did Renee? Closing my eyes, I tried to think back to the few times that I had been around her. Had I been so wrapped up in my own world that I never saw what had been right in front of me?

"Bella," called Emmett, pushing my bedroom door open. I looked over at him, eyes flying wide open. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I can't do this," I gasped, shaking my head. "They're going to expect so much more and I can't give that to them."

Crossing the room in two large steps, he grabbed my shoulders, pulling me against his chest, "Shh, Bella, it's okay," he murmured. "They aren't expecting anything more than you just being you."

"You can't know that," my voice shook.

"I do," he assured me. "All they want is you, anyway they can get you."

"What if you're wrong?" I whispered, looking up at him.

"Then I'll kick their ass for you," he smirked. "Jas will help, and probably Mom and Dad. I bet Mom's scrappy."

"Em," I shook my head, leaning up and kissing his cheek, "thank you."

"Just...remember that I'm always here, okay," he muttered. "You'd better go, they're waiting for you."

I left Emmett standing in the middle of my bedroom, somehow willing my legs to move. One step, then another, and another, until I found myself walking down the stairs, holding my breath with each step. Tonight, I was going out to dinner with Charlie, Renee, Garrett, and Angela, just the five of us. There weren't enough adjectives to describe how terrified I felt in this moment. It went beyond my normal fears of losing the family I had grown up with for the last fourteen years of my life.

All I could think about were all the doubts floating around inside of my head. I didn't know what they were expecting, that alone sent me through a whirlwind of anxiety attacks. What if they were expecting me to be like Angela or Garrett? Could I be the daughter they were wanting? Did I want to be her? I didn't have the answers to any of these questions. Stepping off the last step, I let out the breath burning the inside of my lungs, turning and facing them. Charlie sat next to Renee, arm wrapped around her waist. My parents sat across from them, making polite conversion. Garrett and Angela sat on the hearth the fireplace, hands folded in front of them. They all looked up, feeling my presence. I fought off the urge to throw up once again.

"Bella," smiled Renee, standing up. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," I stammered, shifting nervously between my feet, smoothing out the black and white floral skirt I wore.

I wondered if going with black had been a mistake. Would they take it as a sign that I didn't want to go out with them tonight? Did I really want to? Was this all just one big mistake that would end up costing me everything I'd been working so hard to keep? Bringing my hand up to my chest, I dropped my eyes to the floor, blinking back the tears of frustration. I was tired of crying all the time.

"Well, we should get going," Charlie cleared his throat, standing up. Inhaling a sharp breath, I looked over at him, finding him watching me. "If you still want to go, of course."

Nodding, I exhaled, "Let me grab my coat."

I rushed down the hall, pulling my jacket out of the coat closet under the stairs, and shoving my arms through the sleeves. Taking another deep breath, and trying not to hyperventilate, I headed back out to where everyone waited for me, Emmett and Jasper had joined them. Even though they tried to hide it, I could see the pain in both of their faces when Charlie placed his hand on my back, leading me over to the door. I didn't want to hurt them, but I had to go with them tonight. Even thought my brothers understood, or tried to at least, it hurt them to watch, but they did, doing everything they could to support me. I loved them for it.

"Bella, why don't you ride to the restaurant with me and Angela?" suggested Garrett, motioning to his car.

Charlie looked like he was going to protest, but nodded his head, dropping his hand from my back. "Be careful, Garrett," he grunted, eying him closely.

"I will, Dad," muttered Garrett. I got the feeling he had to try very hard at not rolling his eyes.

A look of longing passed between Renee and Charlie, before they headed over to their SUV. Pulling on my arm, Garrett led me over to his car, letting Angela slide into the backseat before motioning for me to climb into the front seat. He shut the door behind me, before rushing around to the driver's side, climbing in behind the wheel. Starting the car, he pulled out behind Charlie and Renee, following toward the restaurant where we were having dinner.

"Where are we going?" I wondered, looking over at him.

"La Bella Italiano," he laughed, rolling his eyes. I smiled. "I told them that it was silly to take you somewhere with your name in it, but they didn't listen."

"I think Mom...Renee," Angela added, "thought it would be cute. She means well."

"Yeah," I mumbled, looking out the window.

"They took Kate and Ben there once, too." I looked over at Garrett. "Mom...Renee insisted that they had to come over for dinner, but, and don't tell her I said this, she can't cook worth a damn. Dad...I mean, Charlie talked her into just eating dinner out," he explained.

"You don't have to do that," I replied.

"Do what?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Call them Charlie and Renee, you can call them mom and dad. It won't bother me." I lied, it would bother me, but I didn't want them to feel like they had to mince words in front of me. It only made me feel more like a freak than I already did.

"Oh," was all he said.

We made the rest of the drive in awkward silence. Maybe they were just as unsure of what tonight would bring as I was, but we were in this together. My relationship with my birth brother and sister, while still new and scary, had grown into something that I didn't want to lose. Sure, there were times when I felt like they wanted more than I could give them, but I hoped that one day, I'd be able to look at both of them and see two people that belonged in my life.

Garrett pulled into the parking space next to Charlie and Renee, cutting the engine and climbing out of the car. When I reached for the door handle, my hand shook, and I fumbled for the handle, finally managing to push the door open. Climbing out, I smoothed down the front of my black blouse, taking a much needed deep breath.

"Breathe, Bella," giggled Angela, climbing out after me. "You're starting to turn a little blue around the lips."

Nervous laughter bubbled out of my lips, I followed her and Garrett to the front of the small Italian restaurant. Charlie and Renee stood just inside the double doors, looking almost as nervous as I felt. Nibbling on my bottom lip, I shuffled inside, avoiding the eyes of everyone inside. It might have been my imagination, but it felt like everyone turned and stared at me, or at us.

"How many?" squeaked the woman standing at the podium.

"Five," replied Charlie, placing his hand on my shoulder. Reflexively, I shrugged it off, watching the rejection wash over him. Regret soared through me, I was a horrible person.

Picking up a handful of menus, the tiny blond girl smiled, "Right this way."

Charlie motioned for me to go first, but with a furious shake of my head, he took the first step. Wrapping my arms around my body, I followed Renee, Garrett, and Angela through the crowded restaurant, feeling my chest heaving under my rapid breathing. The girl led us to a large round table in the middle of the room, right where everyone could gawk at me, staring at me like a freak.

They pulled out their chairs, sliding into the seats, but I couldn't move. Instead, I lifted my eyes up to the hostess. "Ladies room," I blurted out, slapping my hand over my mouth.

"All the way to the back, toward the left," she muttered, gesturing with a wave of her hand.

"I'll be..." I let my words die out, when I rushed past everyone, moving as fast as my legs would carry me. Slamming the door shut, I gripped the black marble counter top, fighting off the tears burning my eyes. My knees gave out on me, I dropped to the floor. Reaching into my coat pocket, I pulled my cell phone out, and called Marcus.

"Hello," he answered.

"Help...me," I gasped, bringing my free hand up to my throat. I could barely breath, feeling my airway tighten.

"Bella?" His voice came through loud and clear. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"I can't...breathe," I choked, unable to stop the tears from falling down my face. "Please, I can't..."

"Okay, listen to me," he ordered. "Close your eyes." My eyes closed on their own. "Think of someplace where you feel safe. Can you do that?"

I tried, finding myself sitting on the floor of Edward's bedroom, surrounded by all of his music. He sat in front of me, legs bent over mine, fingers intertwined with mine, and a soft, sexy smile resting on his lips. Lifting my hand, he brought it up to his lips, placing a kiss on the back.

"Bella, are you still there?" wondered Marcus.

"Yes," I breathed. "I'm here."

"Okay, do you feel better?"

"I think so, but I don't know if I can go back out there," I whimpered. "Everyone is staring at me, Marcus. I don't like it when they stare."

"I can't make them stop staring, Sweetheart," he murmured. "You have to block them out."

"I can't," I cried.

"Yes, you can, Bella," he insisted. "Take a deep breath." I did what he asked. "Good girl. Listen, you're so much stronger than you think you are. Just try to relax, and have a good time. This is an important step."

"Yeah?" I shook my head, even though he couldn't see me. "I don't know about that."

"That's what I am here for, you know, to tell you when you're making progress," he chuckled. I wanted to laugh with him, but I couldn't. "Bella, what's your heart telling you?"

"That I need to do this," I grumbled.

"So listen to it," he murmured. "Call me if you get scared again, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered. "Thanks, hope I didn't interrupt anything."

"You didn't," he snorted. "Enjoy yourself, Bella. I'll see you on Friday."

Marcus hung up before I had the chance to say anything. Pulling myself to my feet, I looked at my reflection in the mirrors. Wet tears stained my cheeks, my eyes were red and puffy. Reaching over, I pulled out a paper towel, wetting under the cool water. Patting my face softly, I tried to wash away the tears, and calm my racing heart.

"Bella?" called Angela, pushing open the door. I froze, looking at her through the mirror. She stopped in the doorway, lips parting slightly. "Are you okay? They were getting worried."

"I'm fine," I murmured, dropping my gaze down to my hands. "I'm almost done."

"Um, okay," she whispered. I tossed the paper towel into the trash, stepping away from the counter, and smoothing out my skirt once again. "You look good. They won't know you were crying."

Lifting my eyes to meet hers, I frowned. "That obvious, huh?"

"No," she sighed. "I just figured that you're a little overwhelmed right now."

"A little," I scoffed, shaking my head. "I'm terrified, Angela."

She looked away leaving me feeling guilty. "You can leave, if you want. I'll tell them you got sick or something. They'll know I'm lying, but they won't make a big deal out of it."

"I can't do that," I muttered, taking a deep breath and looking at myself in the mirror again. "Sooner or later, I have to try, right? Might as well do it now."

"Why?" she pressed, looking over at me. "Don't do this because you feel guilty, Bella. We can't take much more of this. I know, that's unfair, but you aren't the only one who has suffered for the last few months." She paused. "Fuck for the last fourteen years."

"I know," I jibed. "I've heard all about how much you've suffered."

"God, you can be a whiny bitch sometimes," she quipped. All I could do was stare at her. "You've had a good life, Bella. We know that, and we accept it, at least as much as we can. But that doesn't mean that we don't wonder what it'd be like to be a real family. That hope will never die." She smiled, pulling on her bottom lip. "I always wanted a big sister, someone to, I don't know, be a girl with."

"I thought you hated me," I murmured.

"Me too," she laughed, but I could tell she didn't find any of this funny. "I didn't, though. I don't even know if I really understand it, but I think I was jealous of you."

"Why?" I blabbered. "I was dead."

"But not forgotten," she chided. "I thought they'd forgotten about me, what I needed. They didn't, I know that now. I pushed them away, acting out in a desperate attempt to get their attention. Even though I still find myself getting angry, I don't hate you."

"I don't hate you, either," I confessed, small smile playing on my lips. "Or Charlie and Renee. I get so scared, and..." Taking a deep breath, I looked back at the mirror. "I don't know who I am anymore, Angela, and it scares the shit out of me."

"Yeah, me too," she admitted. "Now, lets get out there before mom calls the cops, thinking I've beat the shit out of you."

"Like you could," I scoffed, turning toward her. "I could kick your ass."

"Whatever," she snorted, pulling open the door. "I fight dirty, pulling hair and scratching out eyes. You name it, I do it."

"Yeah, but I learned to fight against Emmett and Jasper," I teased. "They didn't care I was a girl."

"Okay, so maybe you would win."

Angela and I were still laughing when we got back to the table. Charlie stood up, worry and concern etched over his face. Just like that, the lighthearted, easygoing feeling dissipated. Angela slid into her seat, sharing a look with Garrett. I pulled the chair between them out, taking off my coat and laying it over the back of the chair before sitting down, trying my hardest not to pass out.

"Sorry I took so long," I muttered, averting my eyes to the bread basket in front of me.

"It's okay," replied Charlie, taking his seat. "We didn't know what you wanted to drink so we told them to come back."

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say. Instead, I picked up my menu, trying to figure out what I could eat that wouldn't make me throw up. Right now, nothing sounded like it would do the trick.

"What can I get you to drink, honey?" asked our waitress, a tall thin woman with jet black hair, the aura being someone who took great pride in her work surrounding her.

I bit my lip, still feeling everyone watching me, gawking at me. "Um," barely able to speak over a whisper. "Water. I'll just take some water."

"You want a lemon with your water?" she questioned. I shook my head. She smiled, looking over at Charlie. "You guys ready to order?"

"Um," he cleared his throat looking over at me, "we need a few more minutes. Sorry."

"No problem, I'll be back in a few," she waved him off before heading back toward the kitchen. I turned back to my menu, studying everything again.

"The lasagna is really good." I lifted my eyes over the top of my menu, catching Renee's eyes. "If you like lasagna. There's also fettuccine and spaghetti. Maybe you'd like some..."

"Mom, stop," grumbled Garrett.

Renee dropped her eyes down to the table. I laid my menu on the table, taking a deep breath, asking, "What are you getting, Renee?"

"Um, my favorite is the eggplant ravioli," a smile spreading over her face. "Do you like eggplant?"

I nodded, "There's this place in LA that has the best eggplant," I replied.

"Nobody else likes it," laughed Renee, gesturing to Garrett, Angela, and Charlie.

"It's nasty," grimaced Angela. "Tastes like garbage."

"Worse than than," chuckled Garrett.

"It's delicious, especially fresh," I declared, my lips curving up into a smile. "We used to have a small garden at our house in LA. My dad...I mean, Carlisle and I grew all sorts of vegetables, but my favorite was always the eggplant."

"Here you go, honey," setting my water down in front of me, our waitress smiled at me. "Ready to order?"

"Um," I mumbled, looking down at the table, face heating up under her watchful gaze. "I'll have the eggplant ravioli," I ordered. "Please."

"Same for me," added Renee. Nibbling on the inside of my lip, I turned my eyes toward her. "Thank you."

Charlie, Garrett, and Angela ordered, opting for the lasagna. Our waitress, who told us her name was Myra, told us she'd get our ticket turned in and left. Sipping on my water, I placed my free hand on my lap, trying my hardest to ignore the penetrating stares from everyone around us. The silence was deafening, I wanted to crawl under the table and hide.

"Coach Swan, nice to see you again," cackled an older woman, with chin length bleached blond hair. Her eyes flickered over to me, before turning back to Charlie. "How are you?"

"Hello, Mrs. Newton." He nodded at her, but I could see the tension in his jaw. "I'm great. You know my wife, Renee, don't you?"

"Of course," she chirped. "I haven't seen you at any of the PTA meetings this year, Renee. You're normally so...involved."

"I've been busy," commented Renee, facing her. "Between my family and the coffee shop, I haven't had much free time."

"So I hear," Mrs. Newton turned her eyes to me once again. "You must be Isabella."

"It's Bella," I gritted, digging my nails into the palm of my hand.

"Right," she smirked, bringing her hand up to her chest, toying with the outrageous diamond necklace dangling around her neck. "Well, I should be going. I'll just leave you to your little...family dinner."

She turned, walking back to her table in the back of the room, sitting next to Mike Newton and, I'm assuming her husband. Leaning across the table, she began whispering furiously, looking back over at us. Catching my eye, a wicked smile spread across her face. Turning away, my eyes filled with tears.

"God, I hate that woman," spat Renee. I caught her eye. "She's always been such a bitch, pardon my language."

"I can tell," I grumbled, hearing my voice shake. My lips trembled, I tried to stop the traitorous tears from falling. Letting my hair fall around my face, I brought my hand up, trying to catch them before they fell.

"Let's just ignore her," suggested Charlie.

"Yeah, let's just pretend that everyone isn't staring at us," muttered Garrett, breaking off the edge of a bread stick, popping it into his mouth.

"Garrett," he sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I guess we should have stayed home and cooked."

"Hide her away, you mean," snarled Angela, leaning forward. "Bella's a part of this family, and we can't keep pretending otherwise."

"That's rich coming from you," groused Garrett, glaring at her. "You've been a bitch to her from day one."

"Language, Garrett," hissed Renee, looking around to see if anyone heard him. Closing my eyes, I felt a few tears slid down my face, falling into my lap. "Bella," she whispered. I lifted my eyes up to hers. "Do you want us to take you home?"

I nibbled on my bottom lip, peeking around the room. While they tried not to, I could see everyone stealing glances in my directions. "I want them to stop looking at me," I wept, barely speaking over a whisper. "I want to be able to sit here with you without people like her coming over here and drawing attention to me."

Turning my gaze to Charlie and Renee, I felt my lips trembling. "I want to know that you never gave up on finding me."


	35. Chapter 35

In the span of half a second everyone at our table stopped, talking, breathing, maybe even thinking. Charlie and Renee's faces contorted into looks of disgust, sorrow, and grief. Bringing my hand up to my chest, I tried to stifle the pain from knowing how much my words were hurting them, but I needed to know. I had put off asking for so long, but I had to know before we got up from this table. Suddenly, it didn't matter that we were sitting in the middle of a large Italian restaurant, just that we were finally going to be honest with each other.

"Is that you want you think?" gasped Renee, covering her mouth with her hand.

"I don't know what to think," I admitted.

"Oh, Bella," she murmured, closing her eyes. "Never once did we stop looking for you." Opening her eyes, a tear fell down her face. Charlie slipped his arm around her shoulders. "Even though everyone told us we were wrong to hold out hope that one day we'd find you, we kept looking and hoping."

"I..." I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my body. "I don't understand how you didn't find me, though. I mean, for two years my Aunt Tanya sent my photo to every police station in the country. How is it that nobody saw my picture once?"

"We've asked ourselves that same question every fucking day for the last two months." Charlie ran his hand over his face, aggravation evident. "But we don't have an answer, Bella. God, I wish I could tell you what you need to hear, but I don't know. We never stopped looking. After the first few months, the police started avoiding our calls. We would go to the station and sit in the waiting room all day, but they were always too busy. The paper stopped running your picture, the news channels called it a dying story." Charlie choked up, covering his mouth with his hand. "You're our daughter, Bella, not just some story."

Myra stopped at our table, carrying a large tray with all our meals on it. She smiled, placing a plate in front of each of us, offering us some grated parmesan cheese, which we all declined with a simple shake of our heads. Once she had refilled our drinks, she left us alone, leaving us to figure out everything.

Picking up my fork, I pushed my food around my plate. "I want to hate you," I grumbled. "I want to blame you for years of feeling like I wasn't real. For never knowing how old I was, or who I got my eyes from."

"Do you hate us?" Garrett voiced the question I knew everyone was asking themselves.

"No," I replied, admitting it to myself, more than to them. "No, I don't hate you or blame you for any of this, but I don't know how to let you in, either. I don't want to lose you again, not now, but I don't know that I can be her."

"Who?" pleaded Charlie. "Who do you think we want you to be?"

"Isabella," I cried, covering my mouth. "I'm not her anymore. I don't know who I am."

"You're Bella," he assured me. "That's enough for us."

"It is?" I sniffed, looking between the four of them. "If I'm never able to sit with you and call you mom and dad, or brother and sister, is that enough?"

"Of course it is," smiled Renee, placing her hand over her heart. "Bella, all we want is a chance to know you, to learn who you are now. Just like we are with Garrett and Angela."

"Yeah, Bella," added Garrett, placing his hand on my shoulder. "Just give us a chance."

"I think I am going to be sick," muttered Angela. "Next thing you know we're going to be hugging, talking about how much we complete each other."

I laughed, wiping the tears off my face. "Anything but that," I snickered. She smiled, taking a big bite of her lasagna.

Turning back to the plate in front of me, I speared some of the ravioli, popping it into my mouth. Slowly, everyone started eating, breaking out in mindless conversation about nothing special. A little about Ben's upcoming art show, Kate's next debate match, and even about Edward, but mostly, we didn't dwell on the lingering doubts and fears that filled our hearts.

We tried to ignore the pointed stares and garbled whispers from the people dining around us. One by one the people sitting around us left, tossing fleeting glances at us when they walked by. I tried not to let them get to me, but I'd never been one of those little girls who wanted the attention. I shied away from the spotlight, which with Emmett around often proved to be easy. He relished in the attention everyone gave him, until now at least. None us wanted this.

Myra came over and cleared away our dinner dishes, offering us the desert menu. Angela, Renee, and I declined, but Charlie and Garrett both ordered the Death by Chocolate cake. "I'll get that right out," she laughed, walking away.

Nibbling on my lip, I shifted in my seat. "Can I ask you something?"

"Bella, you can ask us anything you want." Renee smiled.

Taking a deep breath, I placed my hand over my heart. "Do you regret finding out that I'm your birth daughter?"

"No," exclaimed Renee, gasping. "Why would you think that?"

Shifting my eyes around, noticing the stares coming from the few people sitting around us. "Your life would have been a lot easier if we'd never..." I couldn't get the words out, feeling my chest ache from the thought of never knowing.

"You're right," admitted Charlie. I lifted my eyes over to him. "If you'd never moved to here, we never would have known that you were alive. People wouldn't stare at us, or you, but we'd go through this a million times over just to get back to this moment again, Bella."

"What moment is that?" I whimpered.

Charlie's lips trembled as he spoke, "The moment when we finally got to see you smile." My lips curved upwards. "You have Renee's smile. You always did."

"I do?" Renee nodded. "Whose eyes do I have?"

"Mine," chuckled Charlie. "I got them from my father, who told me he got them from his mother."

"What about the rest of me?" I begged, nearly pleading for information.

"You have my mother's hands," murmured Renee, reaching across the table for my hand. I let her take it, watching as she admired my fingers. "She had the most delicate fingers, too."

"Mine are rough," I mumbled, pulling my hand back, looking at the callous' from my guitar on my fingertips. "I never seem to be able to get rid of these."

Myra showed up at that moment, dropping off Charlie and Garrett's cakes. Both pieces were the size of dinner plates, and had been drizzled with additional chocolate syrup. Melting on the side of each piece, laid a large scoop of vanilla ice cream. Charlie scooped up a spoonful of cake, moaning the moment he closed his lips around it. I smiled, Carlisle loved chocolate cake, too.

Picking up my glass of water, I took a small sip, watching Renee steal a bite from his plate. He laughed, swatting her hand away. "Get your own piece," he teased.

"I just want a little bit," she giggled, reaching over and taking another fork full. Charlie grabbed her hand, pulling it up to his mouth and eating the bite himself. "Charlie!"

"It's mine, woman," he growled, playfully.

Leaning in, he kissed her cheek, causing her to blush. Looking over at me, her face heated up even more. I dropped my eyes down to the table. "How did you two meet?"

Angela groaned, while Garrett pointed his fork at me. "You should not have asked that, Bella."

"Why?" My eyes widen as I looked around at everyone. "Is it bad?"

Renee laughed, scooping another fork full of Charlie's cake. He shook his head, but didn't stop her. "We meet in a cab," she explained. "It was at the start of my senior year of college. My flight from Maine to Phoenix had just landed, and I had been miserable. Worst flight I had ever been on." Pausing, she shook her head. "Anyway, I went to get my luggage, but some how airline had lost all of it. After an hour of crying, I headed out to catch a cab back to the dorms, with the promise that the moment my luggage arrived it would be delivered to me. There was one cab out front, and I started toward it when, out of nowhere, this handsome man blocked me."

"I didn't block you," scoffed Charlie, laughing. "I merely got to the cab before you, so I could open the door for you, like a proper gentleman does."

"Whatever." Renee giggled again, before looking back at me. "He blocked me. I politely informed him-"

"Polite," snorted Charlie. "You grabbed my ear, pulling me down to your level, and told me that there was no way in hell you weren't getting that cab, and that I should save you the effort of having to kick my ass by giving it up now."

"Like I said, I politely informed you," snickered Renee. Garrett and Angela burst out laughing, while I smiled. "Okay, so maybe, I was a little, tiny bit rude, but in my defense, you did try to steal it from me."

"Did not." Charlie pouted, but his eyes sparkled. The love he felt for Renee poured of out him with the way he smiled every time he looked at her. Catching my eye, he smiled even wider. "Okay, maybe I did, but I shared it with you, didn't I?"

"You did," admitted Renee, taking his hand in hers. Shifting her gaze back to me, she said, "He insisted that we could share the cab, and that he would pay for the entire ride. All I wanted to do was get back to the doors, and go to sleep."

"We'd been in the cab for about three minutes when she leaned over, resting her head on my shoulder. When I looked down, I noticed she'd fallen asleep." Charlie kissed Renee's cheek. "I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, she was so beautiful."

She blushed again. "I woke up when the cab pulled up in front of my dorms. I climbed out, expecting Charlie to leave, but he didn't. Turned out that he lived in the same dorm as me, only two floors up," she explained. "He insisted on walking me to my room, where he asked me out to dinner the following night."

"Which she declined," laughed Charlie.

"I didn't have any clothes!" exclaimed Renee.

"I told you I didn't care," he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.

This time I laughed, while Angela and Garrett groaned. "Dad!" whined Angela, covering her face. "We've told you before, we don't need to know that kind of stuff."

"Sorry, Ang." Charlie winked at her.

I had to look away, feeling my heart ache at the family they were without me. They'd had little moments like these time and again, sharing little inside jokes and stories to make the other laugh, or groan. Blinking several times, I tried to stop the tears that threatened to fall over the family I could have had, and the guilt I felt for loving the family I did have. Would the time ever come when I felt like I didn't have to choose?

"He asked me out everyday for a month, before I finally agreed to go out with him." When I turned back to Renee, I felt a tear slide down my cheek. "Bella, are you okay?"

I nodded my head, frantically. "I'm fine," I whispered. "Just kind of tired, I guess."

"Well, we should get going," she mumbled, standing up.

Unsure of what to say, I stood up, too. Charlie dropped some cash on the table, before leading the way out of the restaurant. It had turned cold. A light mist fell, a haze of moisture wrapped around all of us. Tightening my arms around myself, I felt Charlie step up next to me, placing a tentative hand on my shoulder.

"Do you hate it here?"

Taking a deep breath, I replied, "I hate being away from the sun. I hate the way people stare at me, whisper behind my back, but I don't hate Forks." Lifting my eyes up to his, I told him, "I don't regret learning who I was, Charlie, but now, I have to figure out who I am. Guess that doesn't make much sense, does it?"

"Yeah, it kind of does, Bella." He smiled. "You're feeling the same thing that every kid your age does. It's called growing up, and it's scary, but Renee and I, we just want to be able to have a place in your life. Whatever you're able to give us."

"I want that, too," I admitted. "And I am trying, even if it doesn't seem like it."

"We know, so are we," he chuckled, nodding his head. "Garrett's gonna drive you home, if that's okay."

"It's fine," I murmured. "Thank for dinner."

"Next time, we'll order in at our house," he suggested. "Maybe have your mom and dad over, too."

"Maybe."

Charlie cleared his throat as Renee stepped up in front of me, reaching out to take my hand. She had tears in her eyes, which only made me feel even more guilty. "I really enjoyed having dinner with you."

"I enjoyed it, too," I replied, speaking softly. "Maybe I'll come by the coffee shop sometime soon and we can...I don't know, talk more or something."

Renee smiled. "I'd like that, Bella. A lot."

Dropping my hands, she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me for the first time. I gasped, leaving my hands down at my side, unsure of what to do. Pulling away, she tried to stifle her sob, but couldn't. Charlie wrapped his arms around her, leading her to their car. Angela followed, climbing into the backseat. Bringing my hand up to my mouth, I watched while he helped her inside, before climbing in behind the wheel. With one last look over at me and Garrett, Charlie started his SUV, pulled out of his parking space, and left.

"Come on," whispered Garrett, placing his hand on my shoulder. Out of instinct, I shrugged it off, wrapping my arms around my body.

"All I do is make her cry." I closed my eyes, feeling my own tears slipping down my face. "I hate it."

"She just wants more than she can have right now," Garrett tried to soothe me, but it didn't stop the fact that once again, she needed what I couldn't give her yet.

"Take me home," I muttered, darkly.

"Okay," he sighed.

The trip from the restaurant back to the house felt awkward. I could feel Garrett watching me from the corner of his eye. Part of me wanted to scream at him to stop, beg him to leave me alone, but the other part wanted nothing more than to be able to call him brother, to feel the same support he gave Angela when she needed him. I was selfish for wanting the both families, and I knew the day would come when I had to choose one, no matter what they claimed.

Parking in front of my house, Garrett cut the engine, staring out his window. "When I try really hard, I can remember you." I didn't know what to say, so instead I sat there. "For a long time, I thought I'd imagined you, but I'm not so sure now."

"What am I supposed to say to that?" I groused, shaking my head.

"Nothing," he quipped, looking over at me. "None of us are asking for more than you can give us right now. I don't know why you can't see that?"

"You make it seem so easy," I jibed, with a shake of my head.

"Why can't it be?" he argued.

Sighing, I turned to him. "Because it's not, Garrett," I snarked. "Look at the last two months!"

"And?" he pressed. "They've been rough, I know, but we're making progress, aren't we?" Dropping my eyes, I didn't answer him. "Bella? We are making progress, right?"

"I..." I shook my head. "Are we? One minute I think we can have it all, but the next, I think..."

"What?"

"I think we'll never be more than just this," I explained, looking up at him. Pain flooded his eyes, I wanted to take my words back, but I couldn't.

"Maybe we won't," he admitted. "And I guess we've got to accept that you may never want us the way we want you, but at least we're trying."

"I am, too," I grumbled.

"Are you?" he inquired. "Cause hiding in the bathroom, letting that bitch Mrs. Newton get to you, freaking out when Mom hugged you, that doesn't sound like trying to me." Gritting my teeth together, I tore off my seat belt, throwing open the door to his car. He grabbed my arm. "Bella, wait!"

"Fuck you, Garrett," I hissed, ripping my arm out of his hand. "All I've heard for two months is how I need to let you in, give you a chance. Goddamn it, I'm trying, but every time I think I'm starting to get a grip on everything, something comes along to fuck it all up."

Climbing out the car, I bent down to look at him. "Every minute of every fucking day, I live with the fear of losing all of you. I remember being that lost little girl, Garrett. I remember crying myself to sleep, begging my mom and dad to find Charlie and Renee. They never came, and I tried to move on, but a dozen times a day I found myself thinking about why they never came back for me. I got angry, Garrett. Really angry, and now, I have to figure out how to get rid of the pain that seeps inside of me, because I'm tired of being angry," I wept. "I'm tired of crying, and feeling like every time I'm with you, that I'm gonna lose the people who held me when I cried myself to sleep."

Closing the car door, I turned and ran up the front walk, stumbling up the stairs to the porch. My hands shook when I reached out, opening the front door. Tumbling into the house, I slammed it shut, leaning against it and screamed, bringing my hands up to my mouth.

"Bella!" gasped Esme, running in from the kitchen.

She reached for me, but I scrambled away from her, running up the stairs, passing Carlisle on the way. "'BELLA!" he yelled after me.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shrieked, hurrying into my bedroom and slamming the door shut.

Sliding against the door, I crumbled to the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest. I could hear Carlisle and Esme on the other side of the door, muffled questions about what had happened, soft knocks that I ignored. Looking over at me bed, I gasped, and crawled over. Sitting on my bedside table was a crystal vase with two blush roses inside. Reaching up, I pulled them down, breathing in the intoxicating aroma wafting off of them. Holding them close to my chest, I picked up the card that had fallen to the floor.

**Bella Cullen, **

**I'm still pulling you back from the cliff, baby. **

**I love you,**

**Edward**

Letting the card slip between my fingers, I placed the roses back on my table, climbing up into my bed. Pulling the blankets over my head, I cried silently, imagining the feeling of his arms holding me, protecting me from myself, keeping me away from the edge of the cliff. Leading me back to toward the sun.


	36. Chapter 36

Crawling out of the bed the next morning, before the sun had risen behind the dark, murky clouds, I stripped off the dress I had worn to dinner, slipping on a pair of sweats and the white button up shirt Edward had given me on my second day of school. Esme had tried to toss it out when she couldn't get the mud stains out of it after my meltdown just two months ago, but I begged her to let me keep it. Although reluctant, she agreed. Sliding my arms into the long sleeves, I almost felt Edward's arms holding me. Almost.

Picking up my guitar from it's stand in the corner, and quietly padded down the stairs. Grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch on my way by, I stepped out on the front porch, settling in my favorite chair. Tugging the blanket around my legs, I placed the guitar across my legs and began strumming the chords.

"The weight of the world sits on my shoulders,  
I crumble under the pressure,  
My heart's ripped from my chest,  
while I scream for someone to care,  
With a simple puff of air, I fall into nothing,  
And the world forgets me  
I float away from the sun,  
sinking into the bottomless pits of agony."

"You seem to really like this spot," Esme's voice broke through my revere and I startled, bringing my hand up to my chest. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I thought you heard me open the door."

"It's okay," I muttered, embarrassment creeping up over my face. "Did I wake you?"

"No," she replied with a heavy sigh, sliding into the seat next to me. "Truth is, I didn't sleep much last night."

"Why?" I wondered.

Meeting my eyes, I knew the words she would say, before they tumbled between her lips, "Because I could hear you crying."

Shifting my eyes from hers, I swallowed against the lump of guilt lodged in my throat. No matter what I did, I always ended up hurting someone I cared about. "Bella," she murmured, reaching across the small table between us and placing her hand on my arm. "Please, look at me."

"I didn't mean to keep you up," I whispered, hearing the tears laced in my words. "I'm sorry."  
"Do not apologize to me again, Bella," she ordered. I looked over at her, finding nothing, but truth in her eyes. "What happened last night?"

Shifting in my chair, I rested my guitar against the table, pulling my knees up, and covering my body with the blanket. In a rapid succession the events from the night before flashed through my head, once again reminding me everything I stood to lose. With a shake of my head, I pushed away all the ghost haunting me, and took a deep breath. Life had gotten so complicated.

"Bella," murmured Esme, giving my arm a gentle squeeze.

"Sorry, I spaced out," I muttered, ignoring the click of her tongue. "Dinner was fine. Nice, even."

"Didn't seem nice when you came into the house crying and screaming," she sniped. I flinched. "Talk to me, sweetheart."

"What do you want to know?" I pleaded, covering her hand with mine. Holding onto her like my life depended on it. Maybe it did.

"I just want you to talk to me," she sighed. "Please."

Closing my eyes, I shook my head again. "They stared, Mom. They whispered, and gawked at me like I'm a circus freak."

"Who?" she gasped.

"Everybody," I cried. "The minute we walked into the restaurant, they were watching every step I made." I brought my hand up, wiping away my tears. "I wanted to scream at them to stop, beg them to leave me alone, but I couldn't."

"Why couldn't you?" she pressed.

"Because the words were stuck in my throat," I whispered, tightening the blanket around me. "I feel like a coward."

"You're not a coward, sweetheart, you're a teenage girl who's been given a lot to deal with."

Throwing the blanket off of me, I stood up, yanking my arm out from under her hand. "I'm tired of everyone giving me that bullshit," I spat.

"Bella," startled Esme.

"I don't want to deal with this anymore," I griped. "I just want to be like every other girl. I want to worry about homecoming, and how my hair looks. I don't want to deal with two families fighting over me, and if I say something that will drive my brothers away, or being afraid to go to sleep every night in case he's there!"

"He is not here," exclaimed Esme, standing up.

"He's always here!" I yelled, grabbing my head. "He tears me away from you and Dad, from Em and Jas. He takes me away from the Swans again!"

"He isn't taking you away from anybody," she replied, grabbing my hands and pulling my arms down. "You're taking yourself away from us by pulling away."

Ripping my hands out from her grip, I stumbled back. "You don't get it, Mom," I muttered, turning and walking down the front steps, allowing the light drizzle to fall on me. "You're not there to help me anymore. You left me, too."

Before Esme could utter more than a gasp, I took off running through the yard, and up the street, hearing her finally scream for me to come back. It wasn't until I was half a dozen blocks away that I realized I didn't have shoes or a coat on. Slowing down to a walk, I wrapped my arms around my body, letting the rain wash my tears away.

Shivering, I found myself standing on Edward's front porch sometime later. Debating with myself for several minutes, I reached out to ring the bell, but the door was pulled open before I could touch it. Looking up, I found myself face to face with Edward. Without a word, I fell into his arms, allowing him to scoop me into his arms, and carry me inside the house. Reaching back with his foot, he kicked the door shut.

"Call her mom and dad, let them know she's here," he murmured, speaking to one of his parents. Keeping my face buried in his neck, I tightened my arms around him, whimpering.

"Okay," replied Elizabeth.

Carrying me over to the sofa, he held me against his chest, whispering that everything would be okay. Even though I didn't believe him, I let him keep reassuring me, clutching onto his shirt as I cried myself to sleep.

)8(

Groaning, I rolled onto my side,tucking my comforter up under my chin. Snuggled into my pillow, I sighed, enjoying the comfort and warmth of the bed. A chuckle vibrated through the bed, and I realized I wasn't alone. Snapping my eyes open, I sprang up in the bed, only to fall back while clutching my aching head. Propping himself up next to me, Edward reached over and pulled my hand away from my head.

"Feel better?" he clipped, definitely giving me the impression he wasn't happy with me. Slipping my hand out of his, I rolled away from him, answering him with a subtle shake of my head. "Bella Cullen."

"Don't call me that," I muttered, gripping his pillow. "I'm not a Cullen, or a Swan, or anything. I'm a nobody."

"That's bullshit and you know it," he whispered, curling his body around mine. "You're my girl, aren't you?"

"I hope so," I whimpered.

"Don't cry, baby," he soothed, sliding his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "It's okay."

"I wish everyone would stop saying that," I griped. "It's not okay. Nothing is okay right now."

"Baby, tell me what happened," he urged.

Without even thinking, I felt my lips part and every detail from the night before came spilling out, from my panic attack in the bathroom, to Mrs. Newton, to Garrett's comments when he dropped me off. Never once did Edward try to interrupt me, or defend one of them. He listen as I ranted and raged, screamed and cried. He held me until I fell silent once again, placing gentle kissing on my neck. Grabbing his hand, I pulled his arm up in front my body, clutching onto him like my life depended on him. It did.

"When is everything going to stop spinning out of control?" I groused.

Instead of answering me, Edward pulled away from me and climbed off his bed, holding his hand out to me. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" I placed my hand in his, though I was cautious.

"It's a surprise," he laughed, pulling me out of the bed. Looking down, he noticed I didn't have any shoes on. "My mom is pretty pissed about you not having shoes or a coat on, you know," he added, digging in his closest. Pulling out a denim jacket, he held it out to me. "Put it on."

"Denim, huh?" I smiled. "How eighties of you."

"It was a phase," he muttered, blushing around his ears. "Come on, you can wear some of my mom's shoes."

"Okay."

Keeping his hand wrapped tightly around mine, Edward led me out of his room and down the hallway. Stopping outside of his parents bedroom, he slipped inside, grabbing a pair of Elizabeth's running shoes. They were a couple of sizes too big, but they'd work. Taking my hand again, he pulled me the other direction, straight into the living room, where his parents sat. Looking up at me from their position on the sofa, I saw the disappointment in both of their faces. Turning away, I took a deep breath, wishing I could at least make one person happy with anything I ever did.

"We'll be back in a little while," explained Edward, tugging on my hand.

"Take your phone," replied Elizabeth. Shifting my eyes back to hers, I tried to smile, but I knew it came off wrong. "Be safe, Bella."

Nodding, I barely managed to whisper, "I'm trying."

I followed Edward out of the house, down to his car. The rain had picked up, spattering against the windshield when I slide into the passenger seat. Running around the car, Edward climbed in behind the wheel, starting it and turning on the heater. Once we had our seat belts buckled, I pulled my knees up in front of me, and Edward pulled away from the house. He drove through Forks in silence, but reached over and placed his hand on mine. I covered it with my other hand, trying to keep him as close as I could. Driving past the city limit sign, Edward pulled onto the highway leading into Port Angeles.

Part of me had expected him to stop in front of Marcus' office, trying to perform some kind of intervention, but he didn't. Instead, he parked in front of the small music store my father had brought me to the day we played hooky together. By now, the rain had started pouring, so we ran from the car and into the small shop.

"Edward," cheered Maggie, the store owner, coming in from the back. Her eyes flitted over to me, before turning back to him. "Haven't seen you in here in forever. Where have you been?"

"Just busy," chuckled Edward, leaning up and kissing her cheek. Clamping my lips tight, I balled my fists up. Looking back at me, his smile faltered. "Bella, I'd like you to meet my cousin, Maggie."

"Cousin?" I choked out.

"Yeah," giggled Maggie, rustling his hair. "This little shit is my cousin. Bella and I have already met. If I remember correctly, you were quite impressed with my Flick the Switch album."

I nodded, taking a deep breath. "I still can't believe you have it. It should be in a museum, or something."

"When did you come in here?" groused Edward, looking confused.

"When I played hooky with my dad," I whispered. "After you told me about Ellie."

"Oh," he murmured. "There goes my big surprise."

"I do love it here." I smiled, taking his hand again. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." With his ears turning red, he faced me, bringing his free hand up and cupping my cheek. "I just want you to be happy."

"Me too," I whimpered, feeling Maggie's eyes on me. "I just don't know how to be."

"For now, we lose ourselves in Mag's fantastic collection."

And we did. Settling on the floor, we spent the afternoon pouring through one album after another. Everyone from The Beatles, to Aerosmith, to Elton John, and Billy Joel. Maggie kept bringing us more records to play, insisting each one was better than the one before. Most of the time she was right. It was in that small moment when, she brought out a stack of blues records that I spotted the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen; a 1954 Fender Stratocaster guitar.

Scrambling to my feet, I rushed over, gently reaching out and picking it up. The instrument was in near perfect condition. Canary yellow, and amber brown, with a sunburst finish, the neck was maple, and it had a small aluminum shielding plate. Not a scratch, nip, or mark marred it's perfection. Running my fingers over the strings, I closed my eyes, imagining the sweet music it had to be able to make.

Taking a deep breath, I turned and looked at Maggie. "Is this yours?"

"She belonged to my dad," she replied.

"She?" I giggled.

"You're holding Ginger," she laughed, coming over to me and taking the guitar out of my hands. "My dad used to play for me every night."

"Oh," I murmured, nibbling on my lip. "Do you play?"

"God, no, I have two left thumbs." She pushed it back toward me. "You play it."

"W-What?" I stammered, taking it.

"Edward said you played," she explained. "So play."

Looking over at Edward, I gasped. "Don't look at me like that, baby, just play," He smirked.

Huffing, I slid to the floor, placing the guitar on my legs. Strumming the chords, I smiled. Perfect pitch. Maggie and Edward settled in the floor next to me, waiting with anticipation. Closing my eyes, I began playing one of the songs I wrote years ago.

"Staring at my reflection, I cry  
Finding nothing inside, I die  
Pain and sorrow, they soar high  
Like butterflies, filling the skies

Dropping to my knees, I scream  
Begging, pleading, wishing, praying  
Nobody hears, nobody sees, nobody cares  
Fighting for my life, I disappear

Falling from the heavens, Angels grieve  
Tears washing the wicked, glory shines  
Praise for the saved, pain for the damned  
Salvation for the grounded, mercy for the worthy

Dropping to my knees, I scream  
Begging, pleading, wishing, praying  
Nobody hears, nobody sees, nobody cares  
Fighting for my life, I disappear."

Strumming the last few chords, I let my words hang in the air, sniffing back the tears that ran rampant down my face. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes, meeting Edward's intense gaze. Sadness filled his features, oozing off of him. Maggie stood up, muttering something about checking on a delivery. I knew she was trying to give us a few minutes alone. Turning, I placed the guitar back on it's stand, before facing him again. I'd never played for him before, knowing my words would wound him.

"Wow," he murmured, reaching out and taking my hands in his. "That's kind of dark."

"I know," I whispered, biting my bottom lip.

"When did you write that?" he asked with caution.

"A couple years ago." I blinked a few times, trying to stop my tears. "Around my fifteenth birthday. Em and Jas had just received their driving permits, but I had to wait for the courts to sign off that I was at least fifteen. No proof of age, and everything."

"Oh," he muttered, shaking his head. "It was beautiful."

I shrugged my shoulders, pulling my knees up in front of me. "It's okay, I guess. Needs some work, but it's not like anybody will be listening to it anytime soon."

Leaning over on he cupped my face in his hands, smile playing over his lips. "You're amazing, Bella Cullen."

"Then why do I feel like the biggest bitch in the world?" I grumbled, heavily.

"Because you're expecting too much out of yourself." Kissing me chastely, he stood up, pulling me to my feet. "Come on, we'd better get back to Forks."

We offered to help Maggie put all the records back, but she insisted that she had it under control. Hugging Edward first, she reached out for me, pulling me snugly into her embrace. Turning her lips to my ear, she whispered, "Be true to yourself, and let the music speak for you."

Without another word, she turned and left us. Edward slipped his hand into mine once again, leading me out of the store. In the few hours that we had been inside, the rain had picked up tremendously. Releasing his hand, I ran down the two steps that led to the street, and climbed into the front seat of his car. Climbing back in behind the wheel, Edward laughed, shaking the water off his auburn hair. Running his hand through the wet mess, he started his car and headed back to Forks.

"Did you have fun today?" he wondered.

"I did." I smiled. "Maggie has such an amazing collection."

"Her dad, my Uncle John, passed them down to her when he died," explained Edward.

"How long ago?" I murmured.

"Four years," he answered. "Cancer. He opened the shop right after Ellie was killed. He'd let me sit in there for hours losing myself in the music."

"Did it help?" I sighed.

Edward shook his head. "Dulled the ache a little, I guess. Does yours help?"

"Not like it used to," I snipped, looking out the side window.

"Baby, I know you're scared, but...FUCK!"

Swerving to miss a deer, Edward over-corrected, hitting a slick spot on the road. Time slowed down as I looked over at him in horror. The car spun sideways, sliding up the road. Edward's eyes flew open and he screamed, reaching for me. Looking over my shoulder, I manage to catch sight of the eighteen wheeler just seconds before it slammed into my side of the car. Jerking forward, my head head the dashboard. Darkness washed over me, I floated away into nothing.


	37. Chapter 37

**Renee's POV**

Folding my legs under, me, I turned the page of the small, leather bound album I kept tucked into the drawer of my nightstand, smiling at the picture on the page. My favorite. Garrett sat in the middle of mine and Charlie's bed, with Isabella next to him. He had one arm wrapped around her shoulder, and the other cradling Angela, who'd just come home from the hospital. Isabella had a pink shirt on that had a picture of a princess and said "I'm a big sister." Garrett wore a blue shirt that had a puppy on it, and the words "I'm a big brother...again." Reaching up, I brushed a a tear off my cheek. One of the last times I had all three of my babies together.

"Mom, have you seen my car keys?" muttered Garrett, storming into the room.

"No," I replied, trying to hide the strain in my words. He stopped, looking over at me, then down the photo album.

"Mom," he groaned, crossing the room and ripping it away from me. "You can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?" I snapped, climbing off the bed and taking it back. "I'm allowed to look at pictures of my kids, Garrett."

"You mean dwell over the one that got away," he seethed, walking out of my room. I chased after him, never once seeing him act like this.

"Garrett, stop," I yelled, grabbing his arm.

"No, Mom," he raged, shrugging my hand off of him. He stopped anyway, turning and looking at me. "She doesn't want us, any of us. Why can't you and Dad see that?"

"She does, she just needs more time," I pleaded.

"Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" he quipped. "Do you really not see it, Mom?"

"She-she's just scared," I whispered.

Rolling his eyes, Garrett shook his head. "Maybe, but I'm done trying to keep everything together for her. She needs to deal already."

Running his hand through his hair, he took off down the stairs. I called after him, following him outside. Bypassing his car, he took off down the street, letting out frustrated roar. Placing my hand over my heart, I sighed, trying to decide what I could do to fix my family. Turning, I headed back inside the house, I walked into the living room, stopping in front of our family bookshelf. Holding all of my favorite photographs, I lifted my hand up, covering my lips. A lifetime of memories flooded my mind.

The first time Garrett rode his bike without training wheels, his first day of preschool, the gaping hole in his mouth from when he lost his first tooth. Six years old, and in kindergarten, he came home from school with the biggest smile on his face, talking about how Suzy Micheal's hit him in the face with a kickball and knocked his tooth out. They sent him to the nurse, who put his tooth in a little plastic treasure chest.

Other pictures were of Angela. From when she was born, to her first birthday, Christmas, and Ester. Her first day at school, hair pulled up in long pigtails, freckles sprinkled across her cheeks. Her first, and last, ballet recital. She hated it from the moment I forced her into those pink tights and black leotard, but I insisted that she need to at least give it a chance. After she stood on the stage and cried during the entire recital, I gave up and she turned her attention to books. Five years old and able to read better than Garrett.

Isabella had been gone for almost five years. Five long, miserable years thinking my daughter, my baby, was dead.

"Honey, are you okay?" Charlie wrapped his arms around me, holding me snug. Just another reminder of the man I'd fallen in love with so many years ago. "Ren?"

"She's not here," I whispered with a heavy sigh.

"What?" he wondered.

"Isa..." I shook my head. "Bella isn't here. There are a dozen pictures of Garrett and Angela, you and me, but only a few of her."

"I know," he murmured, leaning his forehead on top of my head.

"I bet they have a lot of pictures of her," I wept, turning and burying my face in his chest. "She'll never be our daughter. Not again."

"You can't think like that," pleaded Charlie, holding me tighter. "We have to stay positive, keep trying. She just needs time, honey."

Before I could reply, the phone rang. Wiping the tears off my face, I pulled myself out of the arms of my husbands arms and rushed into the kitchen, hoping Garrett was calling. Without looking at the caller ID, I answer, "Garrett?"

"Is this Renee Swan?" came a high pitched, woman's voice.

"Yes," I sighed, cursing under my breath.

"Mrs. Swan, this is Lydia from Forks Memorial Hospital."

**Esme's POV**

Falling back into the wicker chair behind me, I wrapped my arms around my body, grieving for my daughter. She was hurting, and no matter what I did, how hard I tried to just be there for her, she wouldn't let me. With every step forward she took, there were a dozen stumbles backward. I was lost at how to help her.

"Esme, darling, what's wrong?" Carlisle rushed out of the house, dropping to his knees in front of me. "Sweetheart, talk to me."

"I don't know how to make it better," I cried, reaching out and gripping the front of his shirt. "She cries, and instead of letting me hold her, like she used to, she's pushing me away. Why won't she just let me hold her?"

"Oh, sweetheart," he sighed, covering my hands with hers. "We have to be patient with her. She's so confused."

"I am sick and goddamn tired of hearing how patient we have to be," I snarked, pushing him away from me as I stood up. Walking to the edge of the porch, I wrapped my arms around me. "She's my daughter. I was the one who held her when she cried for months. Who nursed her through the flu, chicken pox, and getting her appendix out."

"She's ours," he commented. I looked back at him. "She's my daughter, too."

"I know, I didn't mean it like that," I sighed, leaning against one of the small columns. "I know they would have done all those things for her, too, but they didn't."

"They couldn't," he added. "Somehow, in some random moment, Bella slipped through the cracks. We were blessed enough to be there to catch her when she fell. Now, we'll be there again."

"She doesn't want us," I muttered, looking away from him.

"What? Of course she does," he scoffed.

I shook my head. "She ran off this morning, madder than I'd ever seen her"

"WHAT?" he bellowed. I snapped my head up. Carlisle had found his feet, jaw clamped together. "How long ago?"

"Ten minutes at least," I replied.

"Why didn't you stop her?" he jibed, rushing into the house.

I narrowed my eyes as I followed him inside. "And just how should I have done that, Carlisle? Tackle her? Ground her for feeling hurt and upset? Besides, we both know where she's going."

"To that boy's house," he gritted out, picking up the phone.

Rolling my eyes, I left him in the living room, and headed into the kitchen starting some fresh coffee. I'd already drank nearly an entire pot while my daughter cried in her sleep, begging and pleading for someone to help her. I'd never felt as helpless as I did in that moment. I should be able to help her, take away her pain. A mother was suppose to protect her children from everything,. Sighing, I slid into one of the chairs at the table. I couldn't protect my babies from anything.

In the living room, I could hear Carlisle talking to Edward's father, asking if Bella was there. Slamming the phone down, he confirmed that she hadn't shown up yet. I knew my Bella, and right now, she needed that boy too much not to head over there. Sure enough, ten minutes later, Ed called back and let us know she'd shown up on their doorstep, looking like her world had shattered around her. Perhaps, it had.

Emmett and Jasper managed to pull themselves out of bed around ten, stumbling into the kitchen and looking for something to eat. I tried to smile as I gestured toward the pantry, indicating they could fend for themselves.

"Where's Bella?" wondered Jasper, sitting on the other side of the table, bowl of Fruit Loops in front of him.

I stood up and poured myself some fresh coffee. "She ran off to Edward's," I replied, cryptically. They'd had enough to deal with without giving them more. "Any plans for today?"

"Rose mentioned something about a movie, but I'm not sure," answered Emmett. "I wanted to see how Bella was today."

Sighing, I turned and looked over at him. "She's fine," I lied. He and Jasper shared a look. "She is fine."

"Mom, Bella is anything, but fine," scoffed Jasper. "She's barely hanging on, or did you not hear her last night?"

"I heard her just fine," I muttered, placing my hand over my chest.

"Look, last night was a big step for her, and she's going to need some time to process everything," explained Emmett, standing up. "Come on, Jas."

"Okay." Standing up, he followed Emmett out of the kitchen, leaving his bowl on the table.

Ten minutes later the boys left, saying something about meeting up with Rose and Alice. It was a small comfort to know that my boys had those two girls to take care of their hearts when they needed them. Much like Bella had Edward. If only she would let us in, the way she let's him in. Maybe we could help her more.

"Esme, darling, I'm heading into the hospital," announced Carlisle, coming into the kitchen, dressed in his favorite suit. Wrapping his arms around me, he pressed his lips to my cheek. "Try not to worry, sweetheart."

"I'll try," I whispered, covering his hands with mine. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He smiled. "I should be back before dinner."

"Make sure you are," I giggled. He laughed, kissing my cheek again, before leaving.

Finding myself in the house alone once again, I set off to my list of to-do list done. I started by sorting all the laundry, throwing the first load into the washer. Stripping off the sheets in the boys' rooms, I stopped outside of Bella's room, taking a look around. Unlike her brothers, her room was nearly always spotless. She liked order, and kept everything in it's place. Sitting on the side of her bed, I picked up a picture frame from her night stand, allowing a small smile to spread over my lips.

Bella had climbed onto Emmett's back, while Jasper leaned over her. Emmett sat on the stairs in our house in LA, all three of them smiling, just after Bella's last almost birthday, and right before Christmas. Back when everything seemed okay, perfect even. Maybe I'd deluded myself for all these years, thinking Bella had been managing everything on her own. We should have done more to help her deal with all her anger, instead of letting her pour all her feeling into her music. We'd failed her just as much as the Swans had.

Placing the photo back on her table, I gathered the sheets off her bed, heading back downstairs. The morning and afternoon passed in a flash, I managed get all the dusting done, dinner started and put in the oven, and the last of the laundry in the washer, while blinking back my tears. My family had cracked at the seams, and I didn't know how to get us back on track.

Switching the load of sheets from the washer into the drier, I carried the load of shirts into the kitchen and placed the basket on the table. Pulling out one of Bella's, I shook it to keep it from wrinkling before hanging in on one of the plastic hangers laying on the table. The phone rang, so I hooked it onto the back of the chair, and rushed over to answer, hoping it was Bella.

"Hello?"

"Esme," came Carlisle's broken voice, "you need to come to the hospital."

Bracing myself against the counter, I felt my lips part, and a single work tumble out, "Why?"

With a heavy sob, he choked out, "Bella."


	38. Chapter 38

**BPOV**

Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep

Pain. All I could think of was the pain radiating throughout my body. Pinpointing where the pain was coming from was hard since my entire body ached, searing, burning through every muscle. Trying to shift on my bed to find a more comfortable position, I felt like I had a hundred pounds of lead weights were laying on top of me.

"I think she moved," came Edward's voice, sounding weary and strained. "Did you see that? Her hand."

"Are you sure?" groused Esme. I felt her reach out, taking my hand in hers. I tried to squeeze her fingers, but I couldn't.

"I think so," he muttered. "I don't know, maybe I imagined it."

"You should be at home, Edward. You need your rest," replied my mother. The thought of Edward leaving scared me. My hand twitched, seeking him out. "Oh, my God, go get her dad."

She must have been talking to someone else, because I felt Edward reach out and take my hand. I'd know his touch anywhere. The beeping around me got louder, faster. The pain in my chest double. I tried to cry out, but I couldn't open my mouth due to the breathing tube jammed down my throat. Curling my fingers around their hands, I dug my nails into their flesh, wincing when even that hurt.

"Sweetheart, it's okay," whispered Esme. "Calm down."

"Baby, can you open your eyes?" pleaded Edward, lifting my hand up to his lips. "Please, just open your eyes."

Prying my eyes open, I blinked my eyes several times, letting my head flop to the side, seeing him sitting next to me. Dark circles marred his face. A large bruise sat on his forehead, and again along his jaw line. Letting my eyes shifting down, I noticed his left arm was in a cast, resting in a sling. A smile spread of his lips, still pressed against my fingers. A tear slipped down his face, sliding down my hand.

"It's okay," Edward breathed, taking a deep breath.

Shifting my eyes over to the other side of the bed, I saw Esme and Renee sitting next to each other. I thought it had been Esme who'd reached out and took my hand, but it had been Renee. With tears falling down her face, she sighed in relief. Looking from her to Esme, I tried to understand what was going on, why they were sitting together. They both looked exhausted. Their hair had been pulled lazily up into messy ponytails, and they had bags under their eyes.

A tear slipped out of my eye, traveling down my face. Esme reached out, brushing it away. I winced, feeling my skin hurt. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. It's okay."

The door to my room opened. Carlisle and Charlie came rushing in, followed closely by Emmett, Jasper, Garrett, and Angela. None of them looked any better than my mother and Renee. Their clothes were wrinkled, like they had spent the last week curled up in a corner. Shifting my eyes around, I noticed for the first time that I was in the hospital. The accident slammed into me, flooding my senses.

"Bella, sweetheart, calm down," ordered Carlisle, moving to the side of my bed, separating me and Edward. His fingers slipped out of mine, I whined, reaching for him. "If you don't calm down, I'm gonna have to sedate you, honey."

Lifting my hand, I reached around my father, allowing the tears to pour down my face, muffled whining coming out. Elbowing Carlisle out of the way, Edward winced, but grabbed my hand. "It's okay, baby," he soothed, sitting on the side of my bed. "Please, calm down for me."

Trying to breathe again, I winced from the pain, and the tube stuck in my throat. "Is that better?" he asked, cautiously. I nodded, unsure if I was lying or not. "Good. Are you in a lot of pain?"

Again, I nodded, frantically looking at all of them. He reached up, adjusting something on my IV. "This should help," he told me. Sighing, Carlisle placed his hand cheek, smiling. "We've missed you, Sweetheart."

Gesturing to the tube in my mouth, I pleaded with him. "I can take it out, but I need to you to promise to take it easy, okay? Can you do that for me?"

I nodded, promising him anything he wanted. He went over and pulled on a pair of latex gloves. Settling back on the side of my bed, he pulled off the tape. Instructing me to take a deep breath, he pulled the tube out of my throat, causing me to gag and cough several times. I tried to keep the tears back, but from the jarring of my body, the pain tripled.

Dropping the tubing on the floor, Carlisle reached up and wiped my tears away. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," he whispered.

"What..." I tried to speak, but the words died out in my throat.

"Shh, you punctured your right lung when one of your ribs broke," he explained. "Along with your right leg and hit your head." He paused, releasing a shaky breath. "You've been in a coma for almost a week."

My eyes flew open as I looked around at everyone. A week? A whole fucking week. Shaking my head, I pleaded with him to tell me he was lying. How could I have been laying here for a week, asleep? It was impossible, it had to be. The monitors starting blasting, filling the air with rapid beeping. Carlisle hit a button over my bed, calling for the nurse to bring him a sedative. However, before she could bring it in, I felt the darkness slipping over me once again, pulling me away from everyone.

—awfts—

When I woke up again, the room was dark, only the light coming from my monitor flowing over me. Shifting my eyes around again, I was shocked to find both Esme and Renee sitting next to my bed, hands resting over mine, fast asleep. A low snore pulled on my attention, causing me to look to my right. Charlie was sitting on the floor, a pillow behind his head, and a blanket tucked up under his chin. Next to him, sat my father, medical book propped up on his lap, and a small flashlight sitting between his lips.

I mewled, pulling his attention over to me. Letting the book fall to the floor, he scrambled to his feet, grabbing my hand. "Shh, sweetheart," he soothed. "It's okay."

Shaking my head, I whined, "Not okay."

"Are you in pain?" he pressed. I nodded, my throat felt raw. Carlisle reached up, messing with my IV again. "This will help." He smiled, stroking the top of my hand. "We've been so worried."

My lips trembled, eyes filling up with tears. "Me too," came my muffled response. "Am I really okay?"

"You are now," he choked out, trying to keep his voice low. Closing his eyes, he shuddered. "I thought...when they rolled you in..." He trailed off, crying silently. Tightening my grip in his hand, I wanted to sooth him, but I didn't know what to say. "Sweetheart."

"Daddy," I whimpered, holding tighter.

Lifting my hand up to his face, he took a deep breath. "All that matters is that you're okay," he whispered, speaking mostly to himself. "You're safe, and we're gonna take care of you."

Looking over at my mother and Renee, I shook my head. "Who?"

"All of us," he muttered.

Letting my gaze drift from Esme and Renee, to him, and finally down at Charlie, I knew he was referring to all of them. Pulling on his hand, he laid down next to me, trying his hardest not to hurt me. hugging my father's hand, I cried, finally able to admit to myself for the first time in months that the people around me, both my adoptive parents and my birth parents, loved me. Now, all I had to do was find a way to let go of all the anger inside of me.

—awfts—

"Shh, don't wake her," hissed Esme.

"I won't," grumbled Emmett. Groaning, I tried moving, but the pain stopped me. "Shit, she's awake."

"Emmett McCarty Cullen, if you don't stop using that language," threatened Esme.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, Mom," he scoffed.

It took me a few tries to get my eyes to open. They felt weighted down from the sleep and pain that hit my body. Emmett was sitting to my left, feet propped up on the rails that kept me from falling out of the bed. If I didn't know it would hurt, I would have reached over and pushed his feet down, but just the thought of moving made me cringe. Behind him, Esme glared at him, fluffing a pillow before swinging it around, hitting him in the back of the head. I laughed, then cried out as my chest filled with pain.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry," fretted Esme, rushing around to the other side of my bed, grabbing my hand. "I didn't think about it hurting you to laugh."

"It's okay," I muttered, through my clenched teeth. Jasper was sitting on the end of my bed, laughing silently. Looking over at Emmett, I glared. "Jerk."

"Whatever," he grumbled, but put his feet back on the floor. Reaching over, he took my hand. With a shiver, he ran his fingers over my knuckles.

Following his gaze, I noticed the cuts and scrapes on the back of my hand. "Pretty bad shape, huh?" I grunted.

He answered me with a nod, but didn't elaborate. Huffing, I shifted in my bed, my back hurting from laying down so much. It was then that I really took in the heavy plaster cast encasing my right leg, stretching all the way up my thigh. In that moment, I noticed Garrett leaning against the wall, close to the door. He had his hands behind him, his eyes locked on his feet. Like he could feel me watching him, he looked over at me, mouth falling open several times, but never making a sound.

With a tentative nod, he smiled. "You look like crap."

Esme gasped, but I squeezed her hand, trying to tell her it's okay. "You do, too."

"Yeah, well, maybe if you hadn't scared me, I'd be the handsome devil I usually am," he snorted. I rolled my eyes. He pushed off the wall, moving over to stand next to Emmett. Reaching out, he covered my hand in his, releasing a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, you know, for what I said."

With a quick glance to Emmett, I knew he'd already been told about mine and Garrett's argument. Twisting my fingers around his hand, I whispered, "Me too."

Before either of us could say anything else, the door to my room opened. Carrying a large bouquet of balloons, Renee and Angela came in, letting the door close behind them. My eyes flew open as I watched Renee place then on the window sill, along with nearly a dozen vases with various flowers. In front of all of them was a stack of cards. She smiled, turning back to me.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" she wondered, moving over and standing next to Esme. I looked from her to my mother, and back. They were acting like best friends. The smile dropped off her face. "Bella, what's wrong?"

Slipping my hand out of my mother's, I gestured to the two of them. "Nothing," I mumbled, turning away. "Where's Edward?"

"In the waiting room," clipped Esme, clearly unhappy with him.

Frowning, I huffed. "Please, go get him," I begged.

"Bella," she sighed.

"Momma, please," I whimpered.

Renee placed her hand on Esme's shoulder, and the two of them stepped away from the bed. Their new friendship boggled my mind. Closing her eyes for a moment, she nodded, and gestured to Emmett. He didn't seem any happier with Edward, but I didn't care. He'd been there for me when I needed him the most, and now, I needed to make sure he really was okay. The door to my room opened a few moments later and I smiled. My Edward.

With a tentative smile, he crossed the room, sitting in the chair Emmett had just vacated. Reaching over with his good hand, he took hold of mine. In the light of a new day, with clearer eyes, I noticed just how much damage Edward had taken, too. His dark blue cast reached all the way to his shoulder. The bruises were black, with small tinges of blues and greens. Two long scratches along his forehead, covered with a half dozen butterfly strips. His knuckles had scratches and cuts.

"Don't cry, baby," he murmured, lifting my hand to his lips. Until he pointed them out, I hadn't realized I'd been crying.

"Are you okay?" I cried, unable to stop.

He nodded. "Sore, but okay," he muttered. "Better now that I can see your eyes."

I blushed, as I always did around him. Suddenly, having everyone in the room with us felt strange, and awkward. I shifted my eyes around, taking a deep breath. They were watching me, waiting for something I didn't understand. "Can we have a minute alone?" I asked.

Esme started to protest, but one look from me to Edward, and she gave a short nod. With one last glance around at all of us, Renee and Esme left, followed by Emmett, Jasper, Garrett, and Angela. The moment the door was shut, Edward stood up, only to sit back down on the side of my bed. Reaching up, he stroked my cheek, lowering his lips down onto mine.

"You scared the fucking shit out me," he grumbled, being careful not to put his weight on me. "When you wouldn't wake up..." A shiver ran through him, dark shadows crept over him.

Tightening my grip on his fingers, I smiled. "But I did."

"I tried to get you out," he muttered, mad at himself.

"Edward, baby, look at me." He refused to look at me. "Edward Anthony Masen, look at me!"

Chuckling at my use of his middle name, he lifted his eyes to mine. "I'm okay, a little bruised, and battered, but still here. Breathing, able to hold your hand, kiss you."

"A little bruised?" he scoffed. "I don't think little covers it, baby, but you're right, you're still here and that's all that matters."

"I love you," I cooed.

Leaning down, he brushed his lips across mine once again, "I love you more."

Before I could argue with him, the door to my room flew open, slamming against the wall behind it, cracking the plaster. Snapping our eyes over, Edward groaned at the sight of my father standing in the doorway, eyes full of anger and rage. It was the first time I'd ever seen so much hate in Carlisle's eyes. Storming across the room, he grabbed Edward by the collar, dragging him off my bed.

"Dad!" I exclaimed as Edward's fingers left mine.

"I told you not to come near her again," hissed Carlisle, pressing him against the wall. "Did I not make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir, you did, but-"

"There are no buts," groused Carlisle, letting go of him. "Leave."

"Daddy, no," I begged.

"Bella," sighed Carlisle, turning back to me. "He put you here. His carelessness nearly cost you your life."

"No, it wasn't his fault," I demanded, throwing the blanket off my legs, trying to wiggle my way out of bed. In a heartbeat, Edward was around my father, and next to me, pushing me back against the mattress.

"Don't," he whispered. "You'll hurt yourself."

"Edward, please, don't leave me," I pleaded, grabbing at his hands. Looking past him at my father, my lips trembled. "Please, Daddy, don't blame him."

"Bella," he griped, leaning against the wall.

"He saved me, Daddy," I sobbed. "A hundred times over, he's been there to hold me, make me smile. Daddy, don't hate him, please. I need him, and I need you. Please, Daddy."

Shaking his head, Carlisle slid to the floor, allowing his tears to fall freely. Something told me this was the first time he'd allowed himself the chance to really let go and feel since I'd been brought in here. Edward brought my hand up to his lips, before standing up and going over to my father.

Squatting down next to him, he reached out, grabbing his shoulder. "It's okay, sir, to cry over what could have happened," Edward told him.

"She's my baby girl, Edward," whimpered Carlisle. Bringing my hand up, I covered my mouth, trying to hold in my tears. I'd never seen my father so vulnerable.

"Yes, sir, she is," he agreed. "She always will be, too. No matter what."

"I really don't want to like you, kid." Carlisle shook his head, sighing. "But I do. Next time...well, there won't be a next time, cause she's never getting in a car with you again."

"Daddy," I laughed, then winced. "Oh, shit, that hurts."

"Are you still in a lot of pain?" inquired Carlisle, standing back up. He reached down, helping Edward up. It was a small gesture.

"Yes," I complained. "My leg and chest mostly."

"Yeah, well, you'll be feeling it for awhile now," he muttered, coming over to my bed. "I can adjust your meds again, but I want you to get some rest."

"Can Edward stay?" I asked, looking at him through my lashes. "Please, Daddy?"

"For awhile longer," he sighed. "But things are gonna change when you get home, Bella. No more running off every time you get scared. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Dad," I grumbled.

Leaning down, Carlisle kissed my forehead. "I love you, Bella. Mom loves you, the boys love you, and while you may not see it, the Swans love you, too."

"I know," I whispered. "I love you, too."

With one more look at Edward, my father walked out of my room, but left the door open. If it wouldn't have hurt, I would have laughed. Reaching out for him, Edward took my hand again. I tugged for him to climb onto the bed next to me. Even though I could tell it hurt him, he did. Leaning my head on his shoulder, I sighed. Closing my eyes, I heard Edward begin to hum under his breath, tracing circles in my hand as I drifted off to sleep.


	39. Chapter 39

**Day...whatever**

**It's been two weeks since Edward and I were in the accident that nearly claimed my life. A week since I woke up from my coma. A week since I realized that in order for me to be happy, I had to let go of all my anger. Easier said than done. I didn't blame Charlie and Renee anymore, they did the best they could to find me. Somehow, I slipped through the cracks and, maybe, they did, too. While they'd never take my parents' place in my life, I could have them as friends. Maybe one day, I'd be able love them back. Just maybe...**

Closing my yellow notebook, I laid it on the table next to me, pulling the red and black blanket up over my arms. I was sitting out on the front porch once again, my broken leg propped up on the step-stool in front of me, and watching the rain fall, as always. I'd been home for two days, two very long days. Because of my leg, I'd been moved down to the guest room. I hated it. It wasn't home for me, but then, even my bedroom didn't much feel like home to me.

"Bella, sweetheart, are you getting cold?"

Trying not to get aggravated, I looked over at her. This was the third time she'd asked me the same question in the last hour. "No, Mom, I'm fine," I tried to once again assure her.

Nodding, she sat down next to me, glancing at the notebook next to me. Reaching over, I grabbed it, shoving it under the blanket. She shifted her eyes away, leaning back in her chair and wrapping her arms around her body. "The rain is falling heavier."

"Yeah," I murmured, shifting in my seat. While the pain was better, my body still ached, the aftermath of the accident evident.

"Well, I guess I should go get started on dinner," she mumbled, standing up. "I'll be just inside if you need me."

"Okay, Mom," I replied, trying to smile. "Thanks."

Leaving me on the porch, she headed into the house, keeping the door open. Pulling the notebook out from under the blanket, I set it back on the table, knowing I'd overreacted. She never would have read it without my permission, and there really wasn't anything I hadn't already shared with her, but it was my way of voicing my fears. For now at least, I needed to keep it private. Or, at least, just between me and Marcus.

I knew I had to deal with everything, let go of anger and accept the way my life had turned out, but I didn't know where to start. While I'd come to accept that Charlie and Renee never gave up on me, or forgot me over the years, every birthday came and went without me knowing if I was ten, or eleven. I'd stood in front of my mirror, wondering who I was, where I belonged, why they'd let me go. How did I get fourteen years of anger out without hurting those around me? I was tired of being angry all the time.

The screeching of a set of tires pulled me out of my mental rambles, causing me to flinch a little. My nightmares had shifted from me standing alone in a park, to me being strapped in a car with headlights coming at me. Shifting in my chair, I looked over to see Emmett and Jasper climb out of the jeep, with Garrett and Edward pulling up behind them. A smile spread across my face when Edward looked over at me. My cheeks blazed under his gaze, which only caused his smile to grow. While my brothers and Garrett wandered into the house, Edward made a beeline for me, leaning down and kissing me.

"Hi," he whispered, against my lips.

"Hi," I echoed, pulling my hand out from under the blanket and gripping the front of his jacket. Taking my hint, he lifted my leg off the stool so he could sit down, and propped my leg up on his. I needed to be close to him. I'd come too close to losing him. A shiver ran through me at the mere thought of how close I'd come to losing everything.

"You okay?" he wondered, covering my hand with his good hand.

I nodded, taking a shaky breath. "Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, knowing I wasn't. While my body may be on the mend, my soul was still broken. "How was school?"

Edward grimaced, looking away. "It sucked," he muttered, twisting his hand around to blend his fingers in with mine. Shifting on the stool, he winced when his encased arm jarred. "Lot's of questions, stares...whispers," he added.

"Yeah, I bet," I mumbled.

Turning back to me, he smiled, or tried to at least. "Did you have a good day?" he wondered, trying to change the subject.

Sighing, I shifted my eyes down to my notebook. "It was good, I guess." Even I didn't believe the words tumbling out of my mouth, "Spent most of it right here."

"It's too cold for you to be out here all day," grumbled Edward.

"I like it here," I groused. "It's better than being stuck on that fucking bed."

"You could have stayed on the couch," he snickered. "Watched daytime TV with your mom."

"Contrary to popular belief, Edward," began Esme, strolling out of the house, "I don't spend my days watching television."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen, I didn't mean it like that," he backtracked.

Esme rolled her eyes, looking from him to me. While she'd relented enough to admit that the accident was just that, she still hadn't stopped giving him the cold shoulder. "Bella, sweetheart, it's time to take your meds." Sighing, I nodded, taking the bottle of water and pain pills she offered me.

Popping the pills into my mouth, I chased them down with the water, gagging on the aftertaste. They left a disgusting taste in my mouth. "Everyone will be here soon," she went on to say. "You should come in, get cleaned up."

"Okay, Mom," I replied, throwing the blanket off my legs.

Being careful of my broken leg, Edward stood up, placing it on the ground. Before he could reach out for my hand, Esme cut in front of him, taking it instead. Frowning, he relented stepping out of the way so she could help me stand up. Wrapping my fingers around my mother's hands, I winced as she helped me up. Holding onto me with one hand, she reached over and grabbed my crutches from against the house, placing them under my armpits for me.

"Are you okay?" she whispered, releasing my hands so I could grip the handles.

"Yeah," I lied, trying hard not to hide the pain radiating throughout my body. While it no way compared to how bad my body hurt when I woke up, the dull ache still caused me to wince.

Nodding, she stepped back, hitting Edward. "Ugh," he groaned, grabbing his arm. Esme spun around, eyes flying open.

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry," she blathered. "I didn't know you were standing behind me."

"It's okay, Mrs. Cullen," he gritted, walking over to the door. "It was an accident."

Giving him a small smile, I hobbled my way past my mother and into the house, pausing long enough to brush my hand across Edward's chest. Emmett, Jasper, and Garrett turned, watching as I struggled to make my way across the living room, and down the small hallway to the guest room. I'd just settled on the edge of the bed when Esme came shuffling in, closing the door behind her. Yanking open the closet door, she started rifling through my clothes.

"Mom, what are you doing?" I questioned.

Looking over her shoulder, she explained, "I thought you might want to put something new on."

"Why?" I scoffed, tugging on the old t-shirt I wore. Over my cast, I'd managed to tug on a pair of Emmett's sweats, cut off on one leg, of course.

Turning back to the closet, she shrugged her shoulders. "I just thought, you know with everyone coming for dinner, that you might want to...freshen up."

Sighing, I pulled myself back up on my crutches and hobbled toward the bathroom. "No, thanks, Mom," I spat.

"Here, let me help you," offered Esme, reaching out for my arm.

Yanking my arm away, I huffed. "I can do it myself."

Letting her arm drop back to her side, hurt sprang up across Esme's face. I felt horrible, but instead of apologizing like I should, I made my way into the bathroom, pushing the door behind me. She was only trying to help, that's all she'd done since I came home, and all I'd done was lash out at her, forcing her to bear the brunt of my frustrations over my broken body. I'd been a royal bitch.

Taking my time to pee, wash my hands, and rinse my face, I paused and looked at myself in the mirror. The dark bruises had started to fade, but looking closely, I could see the yellow and green tinge left over. A thin scar sat on my forehead, just above my right eyebrow. Bracing myself against the vanity, I lifted my shirt, letting my eyes travel down to my ribs, where the bruising was still purple and blue. Shuddering, my shirt slipped from my fingers, gripping my crutch again. More evidence of how out of control my life had become.

Turning, I headed back into my new bedroom, finding it empty. Guilt ripped me apart once again. Tightening my grip on my crutches, I went to find her. Edward had joined my brothers and Garrett in the living room, where they were watching ESPN. I'd never understand the fascination with boys and sports. Looking over, he started to stand, but stopped when I shook my head. I had to make things better with my mom first. I found her in the kitchen, standing in front of the counter, chopping some bell peppers. Shuffling over to the table, I sat on the edge of one the chairs. Esme never looked over at me.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. She paused for a split second in her chopping, but never said anything. "Mom, I'm sorry."

"So you say," she quipped. Laying her knife in the sink, she scooped the peppers up, dropping them into her pan. She washed her hands before turning and leaning against the sink. "I understand that your angry, Bella, but you're acting like a brat."

"I know," I admitted, dropping my hand down onto my leg. Pushing off of the sink, my mother came over and sat in the chair next to me, reaching out to cover my hand.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she pushed. I shook my head, she sighed. "I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"That's just it, Mom," I began, "you can't help me. I have to help me." Leaning back in her chair, a new round of anguish sprang up on her face. "I don't mean to hurt you, Mom, but I need to do this for me. Not because it would make this better for you and Dad, or Charlie and Renee. I need to do this, because I'm tired of being angry." I paused, trying to stop the tears swimming in my eyes from falling. I failed. "Feels like all I do is cry."

Esme smiled. "Crying is good for the soul, Bella. It means you're feeling."

"So I've heard," I snipped. "Maybe, I'm tired of feeling like this then."

Standing up, she headed back over to the stove, stirring her pots. "Do you remember when Dad taught you and your brothers how to ride your bikes without training wheels?"

"Yes," I replied, shifting on my seat. "I was almost five."

"Emmett and Jasper were scared to try," she explained, turning back to me, "but you weren't. You strapped that helmet on and told them to suck it up. Throwing your leg over your bike, you took off. You made it three feet before you fell, scraping your knee. Instead of letting Dad look at it, what did you do?"

Adverting my eyes from her, I answered, "I dusted myself off and climbed back on, only to fall again."

"You kept trying, Bella." Coming back over to me, she sat down, reaching out and placing her hand on my cast. "This isn't going to stop you from being the woman you are." She lifted her hand up to my chest. "Neither is the hurt right here, not unless you let it."

"How do I let it go?" I whimpered, covering her hand with mine. "I don't like feeling like this, Mom. Looking around, I see everyone trying to make things better for me, easier, but I don't know how to trust myself enough to let myself believe we can be more than just this."

"You act like this isn't enough," she countered. "None of us are asking you to give us more than you are right now."

"Aren't you?" I grumbled. "Isn't that what this big dinner with everyone is?"

"No," she sighed, leaning away, taking her hand with her. "If that's what you think, then I guess you're free to have dinner in your room, or out on the porch, since you seem to love it out there so much."

"Maybe I should," I snarked, struggling to stand up. Esme reached out, grabbing my arm and helping me. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." She smiled, standing up. Lifting her hands up to my face, she brushed the last of the lingering tears away. "We're making the effort because we love you, Bella, but you have to try, too."

Dropping her hands from my face, she returned to the stove. I hobbled out of the kitchen, joining Edward, Emmett, Jasper, and Garrett in the living room. With a groan, I plopped down on the sofa, wincing when Emmett helped me prop my leg up on the coffee table. I was sick of the pain already. Leaning my head on Edward's shoulder, I listened as they made mindless chitchat, talking about the scores for one of the football games the night before and how many penalties they'd received. Apparently, thirty-three in one game was a lot. Slipping his arm under mine, Edward grabbed my hand, turning his head and pressing his lips to the top. Feeling my face heat up, I looked at Garrett, asking, "Where's Angela?"

"She went with Ben to help set up his stuff for his art show this weekend," explained Garrett, shifting his eyes from the television to me. Dropping them down to mine and Edward's hands, he quickly looked away. "Mom and Dad," Emmett and Jasper tensed, "I mean, Charlie and Renee were picking her up on their way over here."

"Oh," I replied. Turning his attention back to the game, I closed my eyes, fighting the exhaustion from moving around so much today. Shifting myself against Edward, I drifted off to sleep, holding on as tight as I could to his hand.


	40. Chapter 40

_Turning, my body began shaking, feeling the darkness wrap around me. Once again, I found myself standing in the middle of that playground, the very one that had been haunting me for months. Bringing my hand up to my chest, I struggled to bring air into my lungs. The fog was so thick that when I reached out, my hand nearly vanished. A whimper slipped between my lips. I wanted to go home._

_"Bella," came an eerie voice, one I knew all too well. "I'm coming for you, Bella."_

_Spinning around, I searched for any sign of him, my ghost, my monster. Taking off running, I screamed, "Leave me alone!" _

_"Can't get away from me," he taunted, reaching out and grabbing my shoulder._

_"NO!" I cried, cringing away. With my chest beating rapidly against my ribs, I turned around, searching for any sign of him, but he was gone. "What do you want from me?"_

_"Tsk tsk, little baby, better be nice or else."_

_"Leave me alone," I screamed again, falling to my knees. "Why won't you just leave me alone?"_

_"Because you deserve to rot in hell," he whispered, his hot, sticky breath washing over my skin. I fought against the bile rising in my throat. "You've ruined everything you've touched, Bella. Might as well give up now."_

_"No," I sobbed, wrapping my arms around my body. "I didn't do anything."_

_"You wanted to go to the park that day." He traced the curvature of my neck, his fingertips sending a shudder of disgust through me. "You broke them."_

_Shaking my head, I tried to deny what my heart had been telling me for months was true. "You ran away from home, dragging that boy into your mess. You nearly killed him, nearly killed yourself."_

_"No," I wailed. "NO!"_

_Laughing, I felt his lips on the outside cusp of my ear. "Bella, you're nothing, but a waste of space."_

_"NO, NO, NO, NO!" I screamed, turning to push him way. But instead of finding him, my faceless tormentor, I found Carlisle kneeling behind me, tears swimming in his eyes. "Daddy," I pleaded, trying to stand up, but my legs wouldn't move. "Daddy, help me."_

_Reaching out, his hand found my shoulder, gently shaking. "Bella, sweetheart, wake up."_

"No," I grumbled, trying to roll over. Jarring my leg at the wrong angle, pain shot up through my body. Snapping my eyes open, I cried out, "Fuck!"

"Shh, it's okay," Carlisle fretted, reaching across me, grabbing the small, brown bottle of pills sitting there. Dumping one into his hand, he shoved it into my hand, grabbing the Sprite next to it. "Take it."

I didn't need to be told twice. Tossing the pill into my mouth, I swallowed it down with my soda, leaning against the back of the couch, praying it would start working sooner, rather than later. "I'm sorry," Carlisle grumbled.

"I'm fine," I gritted out, knowing he wouldn't believe me.

Taking several deep breaths, I noticed Charlie, Renee, Esme, Ed, and Elizabeth watching us. Shifting my eyes away from all of them, I looked around for Edward, finding him sitting on the base of the stairs, broken arm cradled up to his chest. Reaching over for my crutches, I tried to stand up only to fall back on the couch, left feeling frustrated.

"Here, let me help you," offered Carlisle, taking my hands. Heaving me up to my feet, he held me steady with one hand, while helping me with my crutches. I hated being so dependent on everyone. "You got it?"

"Yeah," I muttered, shakily. Dropping his hands, he stepped back, reaching out again as I took a step. "I've got it," I hissed.

Hobbling past Emmett, Jasper, Garrett, and Angela, I started toward the stairs, but stopped when I realized I couldn't go up there. Cursing under my breath, I headed back down to the guest room and straight into the bathroom. Pushing the door shut, I leaned against it, taking a deep breath. Throwing my crutches against the vanity, I fell forward, feeling my stomach roll. Gasping, I struggled to keep the rising bile down. My body screamed in protest, pain radiating across my nerves.

"Bella," called Emmett, knocking on the door. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I croaked, gripping the edge tighter.

"Can I come in?" he pleaded. "Please?"

"No, just leave me alone," I barked. Ignoring me, the door opened and Emmett scooted in behind me. "Get the fuck out!"

"No," he scoffed, shrugging his shoulders. "You're kind of green, like you're gonna puke everywhere."

"Gee, thanks," I groused, shaking my head.

"What can I do to help?" he pressed, ignoring my bad attitude. "Do you need some water?"

"No," I mumbled, "I need the pain in my leg to stop." Pausing, I whimpered. "I want...I want...I don't know what I want."

"Well, let's start with getting you out of here," Emmett began, picking up a hand towel and wiping my face off. "Then, we'll take it one step at a time."

"You make it sound easy," I murmured.

"Never said it'd be easy," he groused, "but if we can try, so can you."

I shook my head. "I've done nothing, but try."

"Yeah, I suppose you have."

Leaving it at that, Emmett held the door to the bathroom open for me. I hobbled out, trying my hardest to stifle the whimpers slipping to the tip of my tongue. My body hurt, my soul ached, and all I wanted was to hide away from everything, but I couldn't. Emmett was right, I had to keep trying, digging my away through the hurt and pain inside my heart. I had to find me, not who I was two months ago, but who I am now.

Shuffling into the living room, I shifted my eyes away from everyone, not wanting to see the disappointment in their eyes. Esme and Carlisle were perched on the hearth to the fireplace, my father with his arm around my mother. Esme had the bright idea that it would be nice to get our families together: us, the Swans, the Masens. She said we needed to get to know each other better. Maybe we did, but that didn't mean I was ready for it.

"Well, perhaps we should get to the table," chirped Esme, standing up.

Nobody said anything as they stood up and followed her into the dining room. Emmett and Jasper must have helped her bring in the table from the kitchen, making enough room for everyone. Ignoring the stares coming off of them, I crossed the room, sliding into the seat next to Edward. He wrapped his good arm around my shoulder, pressing his lips against my ear. "You're okay."

It was a statement, not a question. I wanted nothing more than to believe him, but not one part of me was okay right now. "Yeah."

Emmett, Jasper, Garrett and Angela settled around the smaller of the two tables, while everyone else gathered around the larger of the two. Filled with tension and awkward anticipation, we started passing around the bounds of food, filling our plates with mashed potatoes, freshly tossed green salads, honey-baked ham, and homemade rolls. Well, they did. Between the constant pain radiating through my body and the effects of the medication given to me to help said pain, my appetite had been non-existent.

"Well," Elizabeth murmured, smiling at everyone. Sitting to Edward's left, she seemed to be the most relaxed person in the room. "I've always loved this house, Esme."

"Oh, thank you." My mother blushed. "We were lucky to find it on such short notice."

"I bet." Elizabeth laughed. "I'm sure this has been quite the culture change, though. I mean, moving from Los Angeles to such a small town like Forks."

"Yes, it has been," admitted Esme, shifting her eyes to mine. "Mostly the weather, of course."

"Yeah, this rain can be hard to get used to," Renee said. "I swear, we didn't see the sun for two months when we first moved here."

"It was a few weeks," chuckled Charlie, picking up his glass of ice tea.

"A few weeks, two months." Renee shrugged her shoulders. "Same thing."

"Do you miss it?" I whispered, drawing everyone's attention to me. Ducking my eyes to my plate, I took a deep breath. "The sun, do you miss it?"

"Sometimes," replied Charlie. "Do you?"

Nodding, my eyes burned with tears. "I hate the rain."

"Oh, I don't know." I looked up at Renee, who smiled. "The rain can be nice. Washes away the ugly, makes everything pretty again."

"Was it not pretty enough before?" I snarked. "Sure, maybe things weren't perfect, but they were okay. The rain has made everything hurt!"

"No, the rain made the pain more clear." Shifting my eyes to Carlisle, I frowned at him. Didn't he understand anything? "Burying the pain under everything doesn't help, either."

Bringing my hand up to my face, I brushed the tears off my cheek. "Maybe not, but it sure as hell beats feeling like this."

An awkward silence filled the room. Placing my fork on the table, I dropped my hands into my lap, trying to ignore the eyes I could feel on me. They bore into my soul. Couldn't they see the scars? Feel the hurt oozing off of me? Closing my eyes, I wept silently. Had I finally pushed everyone away to the point that they just didn't care?

"Wow, Mrs. Cullen, everything is so good," murmured Edward, sliding his good hand under the table to mine. "Especially the potatoes."

"Oh, well, thank you," she chirped, her tone turning icy toward him. "I'm sure it doesn't compare to your mother's cooking."

"Actually, Esme, Edward does most of the cooking," explained Elizabeth. I lifted my eyes to hers, finding her sympathize gaze. "Ever since I lost the use of my legs, I'm afraid he's had to take on more responsibilities at home. Cooking turned into one that he happened to enjoy, isn't that right, Edward?"

"Yes, Mom," muttered Edward, ears burning from the attention. "But mashed potatoes are one food I'm still working on. Can't seem to get them this creamy."

"I use a herb mincer to mash up the potatoes before I use my hand mixer to get the remaining lumps out," replied Esme, her cold gaze softening as she looked at Edward. "And of course, I add lots of butter."

Edward smiled. "The more, the better."

` I rolled my eyes, feeling queasy over their bonding. While I was glad Edward was making the effort to keep the peace with my mother, it bothered me that she placed the blame for the accident on his shoulders. None of what happened had been his fault. I was the only person to blame for anything.

Leaning over, Edward's lips grazed the the skin just outside of my ear. I shivered. "Eat."

"I'm not hungry," I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear me.

"Bella Cullen," he lips curved into a smile against my cheek, "eat something for me."

"Edward," I whimpered, leaning into him.

"Please, eat for me," he murmured.

Closing my eyes, I simply nodded, ignoring the tear that traveled down my face, falling onto my shirt. Picking up my fork, I scooped a small bit of potatoes into my mouth, trying my hardest to taste them. Everything tasted like sandpaper anymore. I missed the taste of food, savoring each bite and looking forward to the next. Swallowing that mouth full, I ate some more, barely listening to the mindless conversation going on around me. They were making the effort for me, trying to make things easier for all of us, maybe. The only problem was me, I still didn't know how to get rid of all the anger inside of me. Laying my fork back on the table, I wiped my mouth with my napkin, trying not to rid my stomach of the few fork fulls I'd managed to choke down. I wanted it all, I just didn't know how I could have it all.

"Charlie, what made you decide to get into teaching?" Carlisle asked, picking up his ice tea and leaning back in his seat.

"I was awarded a baseball scholarship to the University of Arizona, but in my Sophomore year, I blew my knee out trying to steal home and couldn't play anymore, at least not at that level. So, instead, I decided if I couldn't play, I'd coach," Charlie explained, shifting his eyes over to me. "Guess that's a bit cliché, isn't it?"

"A little," I admitted. "Do you like it?"

"Most of the time," he chuckled. "However, I've found that I enjoy being in the classroom more."

"Why?" I pressed.

"I don't know. I guess it's seeing the spark in someone's eyes when they learn something new." His ears turned red. "Suppose that sounds a little kookie."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, but maybe it's cause I haven't really learned anything new. At least, nothing that makes me happy."

Shifting his eyes from him, Charlie flinched and I realized how my words could have been construed. Yet, while I knew they'd hurt him, I couldn't bring myself to take them back. Clearing his throat, Carlisle reached over, patting me on the back, I shied away from his touch, knowing the simple act would hurt him, too. Once again, I couldn't seem to bring myself to stop. I didn't want to hurt any of them, but at the same time, a part of me wanted to them to feel a quarter of the pain I'd been feeling for two months.

Maybe they did and I just didn't want to see it.

"Perhaps, the way I feel about teaching is like how you feel about music," Charlie suggested. "Why do you enjoy music the way you do?" I shrugged my shoulders, unsure I'd be able to explain it to him. "Oh, come on, you've got to have some idea why."

I took a deep breath, shaking my head. "It's like music speaks to me. I don't know. I get so overwhelmed and I don't know how to deal with everything, so I put it in a song, or something." I closed my eyes. "I'm sure that sounds insane."

"No, it doesn't," murmured Edward. "It's the same for me."

My lips began to tremble. "It's just a part of who I am, I guess."

"Good." Renee smiled, covering Charlie's hand with hers. "That's great."

I turned away from hers, unable to take the compassionate look in her eyes. It would be so much easier if she wasn't such a nice person. "Can I be excused?"

"Bella, sweetheart, we haven't had desert," chirped Esme.

Blinking back the tears, I struggled to get the words out, "I'm not hungry. May I please be excused?"

"No, I think-"

"Sure, honey," Carlisle said, interrupting my mother. "Go ahead."

"Carlisle," gasped Esme, while I struggled to get to my feet.

"Esme, let her go," murmured Carlisle, clearing his throat.

Shifting her eyes from him up to me, they softened. "Okay."

Gripping my crutches, I hobbled out of the dining room as fast as I could, which wasn't very quick. Once I was inside my bedroom, I struggled to get on my bed, hugging a pillow to my chest. A few minutes later, I looked up when the door to my new room opened.

"Hey, baby," murmured Edward, leaving the door open and climbing on the bed behind me. Being careful with his broken arm, he slipped his other one around me, leaning his head against mine. "You know, everyone's fucking worried about you."

"I know," I whimpered, covering his arm with mine. "It hurts."

"What hurts?" he whispered.

"Everything," I cried. "Holding onto all the anger, trying to let it all go."

"I know." Edward pressed his lips to the side of my neck. "But you need to let it go and look at what you have."

"What do I have?"

"People that just sat down for dinner together because they love you."

I wept, "Why do they love me? All I've done lately is fuck everything up."

"Because you're worth everything."

Shaking my head, I turned into my pillow, letting my tears fall. I wanted to believe him, to trust that I was worth something, but I couldn't. Instead, I clutched his arm tighter to my chest, ignoring the piercing pain radiating throughout my body and drifted off to sleep, praying for the day when I wouldn't cry anymore.


	41. Chapter 41

"Are you going to talk to me?" Marcus leaned back in his red chair, crossing his arms in front of him. We were already twenty minutes into my session and even though he'd been asking me questions, I blew them off. I was struggling to open up to him today.

Shrugging my shoulders, I looked away, noticing a new canvas hanging on the wall. "Is that from Miranda?"

"Yes," he replied, looking back at it. "I'm surprised you remember her name."

"I don't forget names," I muttered, trying to push myself up further on the couch. However, the large plaster cast encasing my leg made it difficult to do anything, but sit there like a fucking idiot.

"Interesting." Marcus scribbled something down on his notepad. Sighing, I stifled the urge to roll my eyes. He never did that unless he thought it was important. "So, how's school?"

"Fabulous," I said, dryly. I was lying. School had been horrible, pure hell. I'd gone back on Monday, already prepared to have everyone staring at me. They didn't disappoint. From the moment Emmett helped me out of the Jeep, everyone had gawked at me. Almost more than they did when everything first came out about who I really was. _Like I know who I really am._

"Somehow, I don't believe you," he quipped, placing his notepad on the table next to him. Leaning forward, he placed his elbows on his knees. "You're angry."

"No shit," I spat. "Nice to see all that money you forked out for your degree really paid off."

"Lashing out at me isn't going to help, Bella," he replied, irritation seeping from his words.

"Tell me what will help?" I demanded, clenching my hands into fists.

He pursed his lips together and stood up, moving over to sit next to me. "Why are you mad?"

"Why do you think?" I muttered, looking away from him.

Reaching over, he placed his hand under my chin, turning my face back to face him. "Why, Bella, are you so angry?"

My lips trembled. "I don't know."

"You do know," he pushed. "Stop over-thinking everything and tell me why you're so angry."

"Because I'm tired of trying," I cried, closing my eyes. "Every time I think I have things figured out, something tears me down again. It's not fair!"

"I know it's not, but it is what it is, and now you have to start dealing with it," he murmured, patting my shoulder. I shook my head. "What?"

"You don't get it," I grumbled.

"What don't I get?"

"Everything I thought I knew turned out to be a lie," I explained. "Charlie and Renee were supposed to be these lowlifes that I could hate for abandoning me, but they aren't. They're great."

"You make it sound like a bad thing that your birth parents are good people."

"It'd make it easier if they weren't," I muttered.

"You mean, make it easier for you to blame them," he quipped, leaning back on the couch.

"Someone's to blame, aren't they?" I snarled.

"Not them." I rolled my eyes. "Bella, they didn't leave you outside of that hospital."

"No, they didn't," I admitted, looking over at him. "They just thought I was dead for fourteen years."

"You know that's not true," he quipped.

"Do I?" I snapped.

"You should," he threw back at me. "Bella-Charlie and Renee didn't give up on you. They've loved you, pined away for you, wished upon a star for your return. What is it going to take for you to believe them?"

"It doesn't matter what I believe." Looking away, I sighed. "God wants me dead."

"What?" he blurted out, sliding the edge of the couch. "You're not serious, are you?"

"Very," I said. "Think about it. He let someone steal me away from Charlie and Renee. He let that bastard leave me in front of a hospital, where I could have gotten hurt. Then, he gives me everything a little girl could want just to tear it all apart years later. As if my suffering wasn't enough, he decided to hit me with a fucking car. Message has been received, I know that I'm not worth keeping around."

Marcus let out a low whistle and shaking his head. "Damn, Bella, you've got the pity party down to an art form."

"Excuse me?" I snarked.

"I don't think I will," he laughed, standing up. Grabbing my crutches off the arm of the couch, he held them out to me. "I think we're done here."

"What?" I looked at the clock. "We've still got like half an hour."

"No, I mean for good," he replied, still holding them out to me.

All I could do was stare at him. "You said you wouldn't throw me away, too."

"I'm not." He shrugged his shoulders. "But I can't help you when you don't want it."

"I do want help," I insisted.

"Do you?" He lifted an eyebrow at me. I nodded furiously. "Then stop being a bitch."

I gasped, feeling my mouth fall open. "What?"

"It's always me, me, me, or I, I, I with you." He shook his head, kneeling down in front of me. "I know that you feel like the world is against you right now. It'd be hard not to feel like that, but, Bella, you're drowning in self-pity."

I wasn't sure what to say. Everyone was so quick to tell me how wrong I was handling everything. Bringing my hand up to my mouth, I tried to stop the sob from slipping out, but I failed. Much like I'd been failing at everything lately. Sighing, Marcus moved back up to the couch, pulling my hand from my mouth.

"Look, I'm not trying to be a hard ass, I'm really not, but I can't help you if you aren't going to try."

"I-I am try-trying," I stammered, through the tears.

"No, you've resigned yourself to your anger," he said, quietly. "You've got to let it go and see what you have in your life."

"What? Two families playing nice just so that I don't have a breakdown?"

"No, just two families, trying their hardest to put aside their own fears and doubts to do what's best for you. Can't you see how lucky you are?"

"How am I lucky?" I huffed.

"You have two sets of parents, and regardless on if you see them as such, Charlie and Renee are your parents. They love you, just like Carlisle and Esme do. You've got your brothers, and I am including Garrett, too. Plus, Angela. Don't even get me started on everyone else who loves you."

"But—"

"There are no buts," he sniped, interrupting me. Standing up, he moved over and stood in front of Miranda's newest painting. "You can live your life wishing that it was easier, but if you do that, then one day you're going to wake up and find that you're all alone."

"Are you saying that I'll lose everyone if I don't just let it go or whatever I'm supposed to do?" I asked.

Marcus turned back to me. His eyes were dark, heavy with unfallen tears. "That's exactly what I'm saying. It's not easy, Bella, I know that, but you've got this amazing support system around you, begging you to let them help you and you're willing to throw that away!"

"I'm not," I insisted.

"You are," he yelled, before taking a deep breath. "I once heard someone say when you run from something, it only stays with you longer. If you fight for something, it only makes you stronger." Marcus pushed a frustrated hand through his hair and walked back over, flopping down in his red chair. "You've been through hell, Bella. Nobody in their right mind would dispute that, but, damn it, there comes a point when you have to decide if you're going to just sit there and be the victim, or if you're going to be a survivor. Think really hard about what you want, because until you make your choice, I can't help you."

Standing back up, he offered me my crutches, making it clear there would be no more discussion on the subject. A part of me wanted to curse him, blast him for being cruel; but the other part of me—the one that felt the sting of guilt—knew he was right. That wasn't any easier to handle, though.

Pulling myself up, I grabbed my crutches from him and hobbled over to the door, throwing it open. Carlisle looked up from his book, some new medical journal that he'd been way too excited to get his hands on. Shifting his eyes from me to Marcus, he planted a smile on his face and stood up.

"Seeing as next week is Thanksgiving, we'll schedule your next appointment for the week after, but remember, that I am just a phone call away if you need me." While Marcus babbled on, I kept my eyes down, nodding in response. Sighing, he turned and headed into his office. I was a bitch.

"Okay, let's head home," muttered Carlisle, placing his hand on my elbow. I wanted to shrug it off, but I didn't. He needed to do this for me, and I was too tired to fight him.

During the ride back to Forks, I kept my eyes locked out the window, vaguely aware how many times my father looked over at me. It was almost like he expected me to make a move for the door handle and jump out of the car; but then again, with the way I'd been feeling, maybe he was waiting for just that. Sighing, I leaned my forehead against the cool window, willing all the pain to go away.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I'd never been placed with you and mom?" the words tumbled between my lips effortlessly, even though they hurt to even think. "What if Renee hadn't taken me to the park that day? There wouldn't have been a carjacking, or a lost little girl begging for her mommy." I brought my hand up to the window, tracing the drops of rain. "Would you have loved some other little girl, Dad?"

"No," he replied, thickly. I felt him reach over, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Why me, Daddy?" I wept.

"I don't know," he whispered.

Carlisle pulled up in front of the house, shifting the car into park. For a moment, we just sat there, letting the unspoken questions hang in the air. Sighing, he pushed open his car door, rushing around to my side. Grabbing my crutches from the backseat, he helped me out, making sure my crutches were tucked under my arms before letting go. Dragging his fingers through his hair, he stepped back giving me space to hobble onto the porch.

Emmett and Jasper were laid out on the couches, watching some stupid show on MTV. Looking back as we came in, they exchanged a look, before sitting up. Like I wasn't going to notice. Tightening my grip on my crutches, I started across the living room, past the stairs, and down the hallway to my new room. Leaning my crutches against the wall, I climbed into bed, laying a pillow over my face. There were too many thoughts running around inside my head. I had no idea how to get rid of my anger. People made it seem like it was so easy to just move on.

"I'll take that," muttered Emmett, snatching the pillow off my face and tucking it under his head as he laid down next to me. Jasper sat at the end of the bed, turned so that he could lean against the wall. "This bed sucks ass."

"No shit," I grumbled, placing my arm under my head. "Why are you in here?"

"We're bored," he whined.

"And you thought I'd entertain you?" I scoffed. "Bum leg and all, huh?"

"Eh, you're just amusing to watch," he teased. I rolled my eyes, not finding it funny at all.

"Dude, really?" Jasper shook his head before looking over at me. "Ignore the asshole, I do."

"Jas!" exclaimed Emmett, kicking him in the side.

Jasper rolled off the edge of the bed, causing him to yell, "Jesus fuck, Em!"

Emmett burst out laughing, slamming his hand on the mattress. "Oh, my God, Bella, did you see his face?"

"Yeah, it was hilarious," I muttered, dryly. "Look, I don't mean to be rude, but my head is fucking killing me, so can you get the hell out?"

Jasper scrambled up to his feet, and Emmett's laughter died out immediately. Just like that, I managed to ruin their days, too. This might even be a record for me.

"Sure, Bell, no problem," Jasper said. "Come on, Em."

"Yeah, okay." Emmett climbed off the bed, walking over to the door. "We'll just leave her in here to wallow because that's been doing her so much good lately."

I flinched back, but kept my retort locked up inside. They didn't want to hear it, anyway. They, too, had gotten tired of listening to me bitch and complain. They'd joined the other side, leaving me alone. Well, except with Edward. He was the only person who hadn't given me a hard time about being angry. Rolling onto my side, I dug my cell phone out of my back pocket, and flipped it open. I'd hoped to have a missed call, a voice mail, or even a text message from Edward, but there was nothing.

Dialing his number, I waited for him to pick up, but after six rings, his voice mail answered.

"Hey, this is Edward. You know what to do."

"Hey," I whimpered, not bothering to stop the tears from falling down my face. "I miss you. Today didn't go great. In fact, it pretty much sucked ass. Everyone's pissed with me. Marcus basically told me I was a lost cause. I guess he's right. Might as well give up now. I love you, Edward."

Snapping the phone closed, I shoved it under my pillow, burying my face and screaming. When would things get easier?

"Bella, sweetheart, it's time for dinner," Esme announced, knocking on my door. Peeking at her through my hair which, hung in my face, I knew she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Okay, I'll be right there," I muttered.

"Do you need help?" She stepped into my room, reaching for the crutches.

"Can you heal my leg?" I snarked, regretting it immediately. Taking a step back, she shook her head. "Then, I guess you can't do anything."

"You know, Bella, I've had about enough of your attitude," she groused, shaking her head. "You lash out at all of us, and, quite frankly, I've enough. For all I care, you can stay in here and mope while the rest of us enjoy dinner."

Reaching over, she grabbed the door handle, and shut my door behind her, leaving me sitting there with my mouth open. Never in all the years that I'd lived with Esme had she ever talked to me, or anyone, like that. Scooting to the side of the bed, I grabbed my crutches and hobbled across the room, opening the door. Starting down the hallway, I stopped at the end when I heard her crying.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Carlisle. Every time I speak to her, she bites my head off. I want my daughter back!"

"I do, too, honey," Carlisle said, comforting her. "It seems like she's just getting more and more angry. Maybe we need to consider sending her way, somewhere that she can get more...intensive help. Marcus is doing everything he can, but she's resisting him at every turn. Before the accident, I thought she was getting better, but now she's just so angry."

Leaning against the wall, I struggled to breathe through the tears that welled up in my eyes. My parents were giving up on me. They thought it'd be better if they sent me away. Letting one of my crutches fall to the floor, I brought my hand up to my mouth, trying to stifle the sob from slipping between my lips. I'd lost them all.


	42. Chapter 42

In the days that followed, I found myself more confused than ever. I knew I had to change, to let go of the bitter anger that soared through my veins, but I didn't know how. Everyone made it seem so easy. Just smile and be happy. Did they just not understand that there was nothing I wanted more than to be happy? To laugh at the silliest things, or to wake up in the morning and be able to smile without it feeling forced? I wanted a normal life. Was that too much to ask for?

Shifting in my wicker chair, I tried to get comfortable. For the fourth day in a row, I'd awoken before the sun had hidden itself behind the murky clouds. Not that I'd actually been able to sleep. My nights were filled with terrifying nightmares. Unable to handle the stifling silence inside my room, I'd settled on the front porch with a blanket covering my legs. My family ignored me, as they should. Every time they had reached out to me, I'd lashed out at them. Why wouldn't they grow tired of me? Fuck, I'd grown tired of my pathetic wallowing.

Edward's father parked his car in front of the house. While Edward pulled Elizabeth's chair from the trunk, Ed lifted his wife from the front seat, placing a chaste kiss on her lips before carrying her up onto the porch. The gesture was so intimate; I felt like a voyeur, but I couldn't turn my eyes from them. They'd gone through so much pain; yet, they still managed to hold onto each other. I envied her strength to keep fighting.

"Hello, sweetheart," she greeted me after Ed placed her into her wheelchair. "Aren't you cold out here?"

I shook my head, barely keeping the tears from sprinkling down my cheeks. "I needed some fresh air."

"Hmm, well, you'll certainly find plenty of it here," she murmured. Her cheerful outlook on life touched my heart. "I'd best go see if your mother needs any help with dinner." Pausing, she shifted her eyes to Edward before turning back to me. "You look beautiful, Bella."

My lips trembled when I spoke, "Thank you."

Ed leaned down and kissed the top of her head before pushing her into the house, leaving Edward and I on the porch. She saw the good in everyone. How—after losing her daughter—could she still smile?

Sitting in the chair next to me, Edward reached over and grabbed my hand. "She's right. You're beautiful."

My cheeks warmed under his gaze. Even though my heart disagreed with him, I knew it would be a fruitless effort to argue with him. Edward saw me as this girl who could do anything, but I wasn't the person he thought me to be. No, I was weak and selfish. He'd done everything he could to remind me of what I had, but instead of listening to him, I'd thrown it all away and reveled in my grief.

"You're thinking too hard," he murmured, lifting my hand to his lips. "What's going on inside your pretty head?"

"Everything," I whispered.

Before I could explain, Charlie's black SUV pulled up in front of my house. Clamping my lips together, I watched as he and Renee climbed out, leading Garrett and Angela up the front walk. Renee looked over at me, a wistful smile playing on her lips. Both she and Charlie were carrying two pies, while Garrett and Angela had long, Pyrex cake pans in their hands. There was so much I wanted to say to her, but the words perished before I could open my mouth. All of this would have been easier if they'd been horrible people. I could have written them off with good riddance, but now I found myself caring for them—almost loving them as parents. They'd never be my mom and dad, but now I knew that we were more than mere friends, too.

"Goodness, it's really starting to come down," she murmured, shaking the raindrops from her blond hair. "I think it might even snow."

"You really think so?" I asked, pulling her attention down to me.

"It's definitely cold enough," she said.

"I've never seen snow before." Shifting my eyes over to her, I frowned. "Or have I?"

Her smile dropped just slightly. Even though she recovered in a heartbeat, I still saw it. "Once when you were almost nineteen months old. We'd gone to Maine to visit your grandparents. You kept trying to stuff it into your mouth." She laughed. "We attempted to make a snowman, but the snow was too dry. It didn't stick very well."

"Oh." Part of me wanted to share the memories that she'd spent the last fourteen years cherishing; while the rest of me screamed in silent protest over her hold on me. It wasn't fair, not to her or to me.

Charlie reached up and placed his hand on her shoulder. She melted into him, letting him sooth her. They were beautiful together and I could imagine what my life would have been like with them as my parents. I'd have been loved and taken care of, but I wouldn't be me. I knew this now. While I knew it hurt them, they'd accepted me for who I was in this moment and not who I'd been at the tender age of three. Why couldn't I do the same for them?

"Well, we should get inside and make sure Esme doesn't need any help with lunch," Renee murmured. "Do you still like pumpkin pie?" I nodded, wishing I could get the simple yes to tumble out. "I do, too."

"You may have to hide it, though," I said, unable to control the tremor in my voice. "Emmett loves pumpkin pie. Every year, he tries to hide it so he can have it all to himself. It never works, but he keeps trying."

"Thanks for the tip." With a real smile on her lips, she followed Charlie inside. He'd watched our exchange in silence, but I felt the tension rolling off of him. Would he be able to see the small effort I had tried to make? Or was it already too late?

Angela shifted from one foot to the other, balancing the dish in her hands. "This is still warm, so..."

Without finishing her sentence, she walked into the house. I shifted my eyes away. Tears begged to fall, but I stopped them before they could. I'd cried enough over the last few months. Besides, nobody cared anyway. I'd worn out any sympathy they had for me. Clearing his throat, Garrett followed her lead, leaving me and Edward on the porch.

"Wow, I really know how to get rid of a crowd, don't I?"

"It's not you," he lied. Even if a part of him believed that it wasn't my fault, I knew the truth. Edward brought my hand up to his lips again. "Talk to me, Bella Cullen."

I sighed, shifting my attention over to him. "They've given up on me."

"Who?" He asked, frowning.

"Everyone," I whimpered. "Marcus all but told me I'm a lost cause during my last session. I heard my parents talking about sending me away."

"What?" he gasped. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I looked away. When he finally called me back that night, I'd barely been able to get anything out, much less reveal just how much I'd lost because of my selfish attitude. Besides, if he left me, too, I wouldn't be able to live. Edward was everything to me. "I don't know."

He squeezed my hand. "Baby, why didn't you tell me about this?"

"Because they're right." I shifted my eyes to his. "They've done everything they can to make things better, easier for me at least, but I won't let them. Instead, I've let the anger ferment inside of me and, now, it's too late."

"Oh, fuck, baby, it's not too late," he blurted, moving so that he was kneeling in front of me. Keeping his broken arm cradled against his chest, Edward brought our joined hands up and wiped away my tears. "But you can't keep pushing everyone away. They need you."

"I need them, too," I cried, leaning my forehead against his. "Tell me how to make the anger go away, because I don't know how."

"You start by smiling," he whispered, brushing his lips against mine. God, I wanted to smile, but I couldn't, not when everything inside my heart hurt. "Then, you start focusing your attention on all the good things in your life. You've gained so much more than you've lost."

"I have you." _For now at least_, I added mentally.

"You'll always have me, but I'm not enough."

"I want you to be, though." I frowned. "I love you."

Edward smiled. "Baby, I love you, too, and that will never change, but you need your family, as well. All of them."

I threaded my fingers in his hair, bringing his lips back to mine. "What if it's too late? What if I've already used every chance I'm allowed?"

"Bella Cullen, that's not going to happen, all they want is for you to let them love you."

"That's all I want, too," I whispered.

"Then let them." He smiled, kissing me again.

My eyes fluttered to a close. "I'm trying."

"You can't try when you're hiding from the world out here on the porch, or in your room." I flinched, knowing he was right. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you."

"You're right, but it's hard to be in there, knowing that they're mad at me."

"Baby, they're not mad at you, they're frustrated with the situation." He sighed, pushing a strand of hair out of my face. "Come on. Let's go inside where it's warm."

I took a deep breath, nodding in agreement. Standing up, he grabbed my crutches. Though I knew he wanted to help me up, his broken arm prevented him from being able to do anything. I managed to find my feet on my own and tucked the metal crutches under my arms. My legs shook as I followed him inside, hoping I'd be strong enough to hold on.

Emmett, Jasper, Garrett, and Angela were on the couches, watching some scary movie about a guy in a ghost mask who was chasing everyone with a long, silver knife. Shifting his attention back to me and Edward, Emmett grabbed the remote and changed the channel. Jasper started to protest, but noticed me and shut his mouth. The urge to walk back outside crawled over me. Only Edward's reassuring hand on my back stopped me. They shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around me, but because I'd been a crazy bitch for three months, they were skittish and nervous. My stomach ached with guilt.

Inside the kitchen, my mother laughed. She'd tried to be strong for me, but my incessant need to push her away cut into her like a knife. When I got scared, she'd been the one to hold me tight, whispering in my ear that everything was okay. She loved me when it would have been easier to give up, and instead of letting her, I'd hurt her. I closed my eyes, letting the sound of her joy trickle into my heart. Would she ever forgive me for not being the daughter she deserved?

"Hey, guys," Edward said, gently pushing me toward everyone. "What's up?"

"Nothing," they muttered simultaneously.

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, nothing but tiptoeing around my feelings. Hobbling across the room, I sat on the edge of the couch next to Garrett. I put my hands on the cushions, trying to push myself back. A hiss slipped out of my lips when the top of my cast caught on the edge, jerking my leg. Faster than I thought possible, Garrett was off the couch and lifting my leg up, propping it on the edge of the stone coffee table.

Lifting my eyes to his, I murmured a quiet, "Thanks."

"No problem," he mumbled, sitting back down. "It still hurts a lot, I guess."

"Yep," I replied.

Awkward silence settled around us. Edward slid down onto the floor next to me, draping one arm over my good leg. I brought my hand down to his hair, raking my nails through his soft hair. He shivered against me, which almost made me smile—almost, but not quite.

"Was Kate heading to Olympia, Gar?" Edward asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, she wanted to stay in town, but her mom wouldn't let her," he explained, shifting his attention to me, but look away when he noticed me watching. "You know Irina is."

"Yep." Edward nodded.

"What's her mom like?" Jasper asked, flipping through the channels on television. He finally settled on some old reruns of _Ren and Stimpy_. Again, I almost smiled. Jasper, Emmett, and I had been obsessed with that show when we were little. Back when everything was easier.

Garrett turned and looked over his shoulder before speaking. "She's a total bitch."

"Garrett Mitchell Swan!" Renee yelled, pulling all our attention to the kitchen where she stood with her hand on her hip. "Don't let me hear that word out of your mouth again, or I will put soap in it. I don't care how old you are. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, ma'am," he muttered, his cheeks turning red from his embarrassment. Renee shifted her eyes to me, smiling before heading into the kitchen. "I don't know how she always hears me, but, damn it, she does."

"I can just see her pinning you to the floor and shoving a bar of Dove in your mouth," I mumbled.

Garrett laughed. "She totally would, too. Don't let her size fool you; she's a hard-ass."

"She's nothing compared to Dad," Angela replied, giggling. I looked over at her. "With him, it's this look of disappointment. Almost like, he can't understand why we can't pick a better word to use, but you know, sometimes bitch, fuck, and shit just works better."

"Yeah, our mom has that look, too," Emmett quipped.

"Dad doesn't really care, but that's just because he blames us for corrupting him," Jasper added, smiling.

"My mom doesn't really care, either." Edward shrugged his shoulders. "But then, she cusses like a sailor, too."

"I can't imagine your mom dropping an F-bomb," Jasper scoffed. "She's way too…nice."

Edward laughed. "Dude, you've never been around her when she's watching football. I'm telling you, she's, um, quite eccentric."

"Your mom is awesome," I whispered, causing him to look back at me. I blushed.

"She is," he agreed, his hold on my leg tightening.

"Kids," Esme called. Everyone, but me and Edward, looked back at her. My eyes were locked on his. "It's time to eat."

"It's about time. I'm starving," Emmett replied, pushing himself off the couch.

"Just remember that the food is for everyone, not just you," she groused. "Bella, sweetheart, do you need help?"

"Yes, please," I whimpered, knowing that I needed more than just her to help me off the couch.

Edward scrambled to his feet, but kept his eyes locked on mine. Esme came around, placing her arms around me and heaving me off the couch. While Edward grabbed my crutches, I shifted my attention to my mother's face, finding her eyes swimming with unshed tears, too. Opening my mouth, I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, how much I needed her, and relied on her strength, but the words were choked down by the pain in my chest. I'd broken her heart.

Before I could say anything, she had my crutches tucked under my arms and had stepped away from me, walking into the dining room without as much as a look back at me. Edward cupped my face in his hands and brushed his lips across mine. The silent gesture gave me all the courage I needed to follow my mother.

Typical of Thanksgiving Day with large families, we were separated into two tables: the adult table and the kids table. Back in California, we'd spend the day with Tanya and Seth. They were unable to fly up this year, though. Thanksgiving was a busy time of year for social services and the needs of their children always came first. After knowing firsthand how much those boys and girls needed them, we'd never taken it personal. It was just the way it worked for us.

Since there were so many of us, Esme had set up a buffet, where everyone could make their own plate. I stayed in my chair, watching while everyone made their plates, laughing and chattering like we'd done this a million times before. Somehow, over the last few months, they'd come together and put aside their fears and anger in order to be the family that not only I needed, but that they needed, as well.

Before I knew it, my eyes fluttered to a close and my lips parted as the words tumbled out:

"Living everyday afraid of losing myself

Struggling to find my way in the dark

Fighting against the raging silence

My voice floats away from the sun

Pouring rain drenches my pitiful soul

Flooding my heart with fear and doubt

Scrambling for the surface, I scream and shout

Instead of being saved, I fall further away from the sun.

Away—away from the sun…"

The words stuck in my throat, choking me as the tears poured down my face. Opening my eyes, I find everyone staring at me, pity and sorrow oozing off of them. Bringing my finger tips to my lips, I tried several times to speak, barely able to a simple sound out. Edward sat in the chair next to me, his plate of food forgotten, and grabbed my hand. I shift my eyes to his, finding them drowning in his tears, but seeing love and compassion in there, as well.

"I don't want to lose you," I whispered, my addressing the roomful of people around us. "I'm scared to open my heart and let you love me, but I'm even more scared of losing you. I'm angry, and I don't know how to get rid of my anger. It's not fair to any of you, but I don't know what to do anymore." Crying, I shifted my attention to where Carlisle, Esme, Charlie, and Renee stood. Though they didn't speak, their body language told me they were listening. "Help me."


	43. Chapter 43

For several moments, nobody moved. They stood staring at me, silent tears pooling in their eyes and pain spilling out. Unable to control my emotions, I wrapped my arms around my torso, sobbing uncontrollably. Edward kept my hand in his, even though he didn't speak. No, he told me everything I needed to hear from him with the simple way he held on to me, giving the love I so desperately sought.

I'd bared my soul with the song I shared, giving them a peak at the fear and pain I felt every moment of every day. My music had always been my refuge, the one place I could go and lose myself when I felt overwhelmed by the feeling welling up inside. Bringing Edward's hand up to my lips, I struggled to keep from falling into his arms, pleading with him to take me away. Time had become my enemy.

"I know that I don't deserve you," I wept. "Not anymore, but I'm begging you for a second chance. Please don't throw me away now."

"We're not," Esme gasped, crossing the room and kneeling in front of me. She reached up, cupping my face, her thumb brushing my tears away. "Sweetheart, nobody is throwing you away. We never have and we never will, but you're pushing us out the door. None of us know what to do to make you better."

"I don't either," I cried. "I hate feeling like this."

"Like what?" Renee asked, slowly pulling away from Charlie and walking over to where my mother and I sat. Edward released my hand, pushing his chair from the table and making room for her. Even though I understood why, I didn't want him to let go. "Bella, you hate feeling like what?"

I shifted my attention back to her, not bothering to try to top my tears from falling. "Lost. I don't…" I shook my head, struggling to get the words out. "I don't like feeling lost and scared that I'll lose everybody again."

"Oh, honey, being lost is the only way to be found," Renee murmured, placing her hand on top of mine. "And you never lost us to start with."

"You don't understand," I whispered. "I lose you every night."

"How?" Carlisle pulled a chair over, sitting behind my mother.

I brought my free hand up, placing a finger on my temple. "In my nightmares. He comes back for me, taking me away from—from all of you."

"He can't," he started, shaking his head.

"BUT HE DOES!" I screamed, causing them to flinch backward. "Come me with me, Bella, they don't want you anymore. You've ruined everything now, Bella, there's no way they're ever going to want a pathetic little bitch like you now." I grabbed my hair, trying to push out the fear. The man's voice echoed through my head. "He never leaves me alone."

"Sweetheart, nobody is going to take you away from us," Carlisle said, placing his hands on my mother's shoulders. "We can't change what's happened over the last few months, or years even. The road hasn't been easy, for any of us, but we trust we each other, love each other, and if we're lucky, when we reach the end, we're in a better place."

I frowned. "You make it sound easy. I wake up every morning and the first thought inside my head is how angry I feel."

"Angry about what?" Charlie asked, joining our small circle. Emmett, Jasper, Garrett, and Angela stood against the far wall while Ed had pulled a chair up to Elizabeth. He held her hand to his lips, one more way that I admired their love.

"About not being the daughter you want me to be," I mumbled. He opened his mouth to reply, but I held up a hand. "I know you're going to say that you don't expect anything from me, but that's a lie and we both know it."

"You're right," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I want you to look at me, Bella, and call me dad." He took a deep breath, running a hand over his face. "But I can't have that because while I may be your father, I am not your dad." He placed his hand on Carlisle's shoulder. "This man is and I have to tell myself all the time that is enough."

"It shouldn't be enough," I muttered, looking away.

"No, it shouldn't, but it is what it is, and we can't change it now. All I can do right now is remind myself that at least you were brought to a good family, one that loved and nurtured you when we couldn't."

"I hated you for never coming for me, for giving up on me," I whispered, before shifting my attention to him and Renee. I could see the pain in their souls, the pain I'd put fuel to. "But I don't hate you now."

A small smile slipped over Renee's lips, though she tried to hide it. "You don't?"

I shook my head. "I'm scared that I'll never be able to look at you and think of you as my parents," I whimpered. "And I am terrified that one day, I will forget the mom and dad that raised me."

"We won't let you," Esme said, squeezing my hand. "You can have us all as parents, Bella. None of us are asking you to pick over the other."

"Maybe not right now, but…"

"God, will you stop," Angela grumbled, pulling everyone's attention to her. "Look, we get it. You're scared and angry. So are the rest of us. We're all hurting, Bella, but you're so lost inside yourself that you can't to see it."

"I know," I started.

"Do you?" she countered, smirk rising over her lips. "Because it doesn't seem like you care much about anything outside of yourself right now. You think this has been easy for any of us? It's not, but at least we're trying to move on without wallowing always like a big, ole baby."

"Shut up, Angela," Edward groused. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, please," she scoffed. "You're so in love with her that you can't see the mess that she is."

"Angela, that is enough," Renee snapped, glaring at her. "You're not helping."

"And you think you are?" She laughed and picked up her plate. "We can sit here all day and pretend that she cares, but time and again we've put ourselves out there only to be dumped on because she's too lost in Bella world. I'm done trying to sugar coat anything for her. Either she accepts us for who are or she doesn't."

Without another word, she pushed past Emmett, Jasper, and Garrett and walked into the kitchen, letting the door swing behind her. While the others were visually upset over her rant, I knew she was right. They'd done everything they could to make things easier for me, but I'd spat in their faces, blaming them for ruining my life. Closing my eyes, I shivered. I was the only one to blame for my life. As hard as I knew it would be, the moment had come for me to be honest with not only them, but with myself. It was now or never.

"Every year on my birthday," I started, pulling everyone's attention to me, "I'd sit in front of my cake, staring at the flickering candles. Every year I'd wish for the same thing. That one day I would wake up and feel like I was real."

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked.

"I spent fourteen years not knowing when my birthday was. We had to get a judge to sign off on that I was at least fifteen before I could take drivers training." Pausing, I slipped my hand out from under Renee's, trying to be discreet when I wiped away my tears. "I told myself that it didn't matter, that as long as I had my family then the rest was just out of my control. But then we came here and, suddenly, the answers were right there, within my grasp."

Feeling antsy, I pushed myself up and grabbed my crutches. Esme, Renee, and Carlisle moved backward, giving me some space. I hobbled over to the window, bringing a finger up and running it through the condensation that had begun to form from the heat of having the oven on all morning.

"Even though I wanted to ask the millions of questions I had, I couldn't bring myself to get the words out." I dropped my hand back down to my crutch, and looked back at everyone. "I was afraid of what answers I'd get." Nobody spoke. Instead, they watched me with bated breaths. "I don't know how to let go of all my anger, or the fear that I am going to wake up one day and find out that none of this is real."

"You started by admitting that you need help." I shifted my attention to Elizabeth. She smiled, slipping her hand out from under her husbands and reaching for me. I hobbled over, sitting on the edge of the chair Ed left for me. Elizabeth reached over and took my hand. "After the accident, I was angry," she admitted. "I nearly let my anger destroy me and my family. Losing Elliana…" She shook her head. "Parents aren't supposed to bury their child. Even though I still had Edward, I didn't want to live without her."

"How'd you do it?" I whispered.

She smiled. "I started by letting Ed and Edward love me. They held me while I cried, while we cried together. We talked about Elli, how much she made us laugh and smile. Even though it still hurts every day, I know that we're going to be okay because we're a family, and, sweetheart, you're a part of this incredible family."

"I—I am?" I whimpered, wrapping my fingers around her hand.

"Yes," she murmured. "Look around, Bella, and see all the people that love you just as you are."

Shaking my head, I took a chance and looked around me. Everyone stood by, watching with hopeful glances that something would click and I'd be okay. I wanted it to be that easy, but it wasn't. While I wanted nothing more than to be able to sit around the table and enjoy our Thanksgiving meal, my heart ached with the knowledge that I'd hurt each of them. Why would they forgive me for continuously throwing roadblocks in our path?

"Don't overthink it," Elizabeth whispered. "Accept now for how it is and let the future unfold as it's meant to be."

I dropped my eyes to the floor as I pushed myself back up to my feet. "Maybe it's too late."

"It's never too late," Renee said. I turned my gaze to her. "Family never gives up on each other and we're certainly not going to start now."

Those simple words were enough to sum up everything. Sometime over the last few months, we'd turned into a family, even if were a dysfunctional one right now. Even though I wasn't sure if we'd made any progress, I felt lighter. I'd never be the girl I was before my life was torn apart, but maybe now that I'd finally been able to share my fears, all of them, with everyone, I'd be able to move on. One could only hope.

"Okay, now that we've all shared, can we eat?" Emmett muttered, causing everyone to look at him. "I mean, the foods gonna get cold."

"Emmett," Esme scolded, shaking her head. "The food isn't going anywhere, but we need to figure this out."

"It's okay, Mom," I murmured. She looked back at me. "Let's eat. Not like the problems are just going to disappear, right? We can—we can talk about this later."

"Bella, sweetheart," she started, standing up.

"It's okay," I whispered, hobbling over to the buffet table and grabbing a plate. "I'm really hungry."

"Here let me help." I looked over as Angela came in from the kitchen. She tugged my plate out of my hands and smiled. "What all do you want?"

"Um, some turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes…" I laughed softly, almost being able to convince myself that I was happy. "A little of everything would be good. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Turning, I hobbled back over to the kids table, taking my chair again. One by one everyone either took their seats, or stepped into line behind Angela and finished making their plates. Edward took the chair next to me, reaching over and grabbing my hand as Angela set my plate in front of me. Returning his smile, I hoped that this Thanksgiving would be a new beginning for all of us. I, for one, was tired of crying.


	44. Chapter 44

Thanksgiving weekend passed without another meltdown by me, not that I wasn't feeling the anxiety building up again. More than once I'd woken up in the middle of the night screaming. I stopped trying to stifle them, I wasn't fooling anyone so what was the point. Esme and Carlisle came in every time and held me, soothing away the monster that wouldn't leave me alone. I let them. The time for being strong was over.

The Monday following the long weekend, I dragged my way through my morning routine. The plaster encasing my leg made it a hassle to shower, even with Esme wrapping it in a plastic bag. I didn't like being helpless, though I couldn't do it without her. By the time I'd dressed and hobbled down the hallway and into the kitchen, Emmett and Jasper had already arrived and eaten half the food sitting on the table. Rolling my eyes, I fell into my seat and snagged a muffin before Emmett could get to it.

Carlisle was sitting in his usual seat, the paper folded in half and a black coffee cup at his lips. Though he tried to hide it, he saw me make my move on the blueberry muffin, a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. Turning my eyes to the table, I nibbled around the edges, before taking a bite out of the top.

"Emmett, must you chew with your mouth open," Esme groused, wiping off the counter and tossing the dishrag in the sink.

"Sorry," he muttered, crumbs from his muffin falling out. I cringed and placed mine back on the table, effectively losing my appetite.

"Emmett!" Esme cried.

He swallowed the mouthful of food. "What?"

"You're being disgusting, son," Carlisle explained before Esme could smack him on the back of the head. "Your mother is about to lose her shit on you."

"Carlisle!" Esme threw her hands up and flopped down into the chair next to me. "I give up. You all can use whatever words, actions, or behaviors that you choose. I wash my hands of all of it."

"Really?" Emmett asked, his eyes sparkling.

Jasper snorted. "Nah, dude, Mom's being sarcastic."

Falling back in his chair, Emmett crossed his arms and pouted. Before I could comment on it, Esme reached over and popped him in the back of the head. He jumped to his feet, scrambling away from her faster than I'd ever seen the boy move. Jasper and Carlisle burst out laughing, while Esme's tinkling giggles filled the air.

"MOM!" he wailed, rubbing the back of his head. "What the . . ."

"Emmett McCarty Cullen, if the next word out of your mouth starts with an H I will beat your bottom," Esme threatened, interrupting him.

Letting his mouth open and close several times, he finally clamped his lips shut and walked out of the room. Jasper laughed even harder as he stood up and came around to where I sat, offering me a hand. Wrapping my fingers around his arm, I let him help me up, accepting my crutches from him. Before I could take a single step, I felt Esme place her hand on my shoulder, pulling my attention back to her.

"If you need me, sweetheart, I'm just a phone call away, okay?"

I nodded, hating feeling so weak. "Okay, mom."

Esme pulled her hand off of my shoulder, though it looked like it took all the strength she had. Leaving her and Carlisle standing in the middle of the kitchen, I followed Jasper out into the living room. He grabbed my backpack, slinging it over one shoulder before grabbing his. I knew better than to argue with him about the fact that I could carry mine. He'd just ignore me anyway.

Emmett was already in the car when we came out, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. When he saw us coming out, me taking each step slowly, he threw the door open and jumped out, rushing over to my side. Before I could stop him, he had his arm around my back and the other under my knees, lifting me off the ground. The only problem was that he jerked me up, jarring my leg.

"Holy Fuck!" I screamed, my hands coming down on the plaster cast reaching up to the middle of my thigh.

Emmett had me back on my feet in a heartbeat, his arms staying around my waist while the other waved around in front of me. "Crap, Bell, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I gritted out, my jaw clenched tight while tears stun the corners of my eyes. "Give me my crutches."

"Bell . . ."

"PLEASE!" I snapped. Jasper had them up in front of me a moment later. I took them from him, my nails digging into the cushioned handles. "Let's go."

"Bella . . ."

"It's okay, Emmett, let's just go," I groused, refusing to look at him. The last thing I wanted was for him to see the tears filling my eyes. He'd never forgive himself and I was tired of being a crybaby.

He kept his hand on my lower back while I hobbled over to the jeep, trying to keep the whimpers from slipping between my lips. Jasper didn't utter a word as he climbed into the backseat, offering me the rare chance to sit in the front. It wasn't that he wouldn't let me sit in the front if I asked, but when we got our licenses, we fell into a simple routine: Emmett drove, Jasper rode shut gun, and I took the backseat. Emmett lifted me gently into the passenger seat, breathing like he was holding the rarest piece of china and if he dropped it, he'd have to face Esme's wrath.

Edward was waiting for us in the parking lot. I hadn't seen him since Thanksgiving Day, though we had talked on the phone and texted several times over the last few days. Because of his broken arm, he couldn't pick me up in the morning anymore. We were just two cripples, dependent on everyone else. Edward was the only constant I had in my life. Maybe my mom and Marcus were right; I was too dependent on him, but he was the only part of my life that I was sure about. He loved me, and I love him.

Emmett helped me out, nodding to Edward before he headed inside to find Rose. Jasper gave him my backpack, following Emmett inside. Of course, they both looked back to make sure I wasn't running away. They didn't trust me anymore. Not that I blamed them. I'd lost control of myself; I just didn't know how to get it back.

"Hey, baby." Edward smiled and slipped his good arm around my waist. Leaning down, he brushed his lips across mine. "Are you okay?"

I sighed, unsure of how to respond. "I don't know."

"Smile," he said. I bit my lip, trying to stop the way my lips twitched at the corners. "Bella Cullen, you'd best smile for me or else."

"Or else what?" I asked, blushing.

"Hmm, or I'll be forced to play dirty," he murmured, his fingers toying with the hem of my black tee. I gasped. "Smile."

Rolling my eyes, I stopped fighting the urge and allowed my lips to curve upward. Only Edward could make me smile with a simple word. "Happy now?"

"Almost." Edward smirked before kissing me again. His tongue traced along my bottom lip. Another gasp slipped out, giving him the opportunity to deepen the kiss. However, the early bell rang, startling us both. Leaning away from me, Edward muttered, "Damn it."

"Don't worry, baby," I giggled. "I might let you kiss me again."

Edward groaned, mumbled under his breath about me being a tease.

We made our way into the school and down to our lockers. Luckily, the rest of our classmates had finally stopped staring at me. Guess they'd gotten used to the circus show. I wasn't surprised to see Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice standing with Garrett, Kate, Angela, and Ben. Though to be honest, I felt nervous about what to expect.

As Edward and I hobbled up to them, their laughter died down, leaving an awkward silence hanging in the air. It took a lot of control not to let out some snarky remark, but I'd brought this on myself. They'd made their efforts, still were, but every time I pushed them away. Swallowing against the guilt I felt, I opened my locker and tried to keep my gaze ducked away from theirs. They didn't need to see the tears swimming in my eyes.

"Ugh, how many more days until Christmas break?" Alice muttered, leaning against the lockers next to mine. "I'm already tired of school."

"Three more weeks," Rose groused. "Then we have two weeks of nothing but fun."

"And cold," I chirped, stuffing biology book into my locker. "Probably wet with rain and snow."

"You make that sound like a bad thing," Alice giggled. I simply looked at her and motioned toward my broken leg. "Oh, yeah, I suppose it is considering."

"You know," Emmett started, pulling everyone's attention to him. He winked at me, which couldn't be good. "Bella's birthday is coming up."

My mouth fell open, practically flopping on the floor as my attention shifted from him to Garrett and Angela, both of whom looked like someone had punched him in the gut. "You fucking idiot!" I yelled, causing everyone to turn to stare at me. Once again, the dancing chicken came out. However I didn't care. Swinging my crutch around, I hit him in the leg, causing him to groan. "Are you just stupid?"

"What?" he exclaimed. Rolling my eyes, I gestured to Garrett and Angela using the crutch I'd just smacked him with. He clinched his jaw shut when he finally realized what he'd just said. Rose, Alice, Jasper, Ben, and Edward were waiting for him to say something, anything that would get him out of this. Damn, him for being a moron sometimes. "I—I didn't . . . I mean, fuck," he muttered, running his hands over his face. "Garrett, Angela, I didn't mean anything, I promise."

"Don't worry about it," Garrett gritted out. He reached out and took hold of Kate's hand. "Better get to class."

Without another word, he started down the hall, only to turn when he realized that he was going the wrong way. Angela and Ben followed, her glaring at Emmett, but otherwise giving no indication that she cared one way or another. I may not know her very well, but she said a ton with a simple look. The moment they were out of earshot, Rose reached up and smacked him on the back of the head.

"I know!" he snapped, his hand dragging through his hair. Looking up at me, I saw the regret in his words immediately. "I swear, I just wasn't thinking."

"Might be a good time to start," I replied.

Handing Edward my backpack, I closed my locker and hobbled my way toward my first class. I was being harsh. Emmett already felt bad enough. Edward, Emmett, Alice, and I managed to get into our classroom just before the final bell rang. Mr. Owens glared at us, but seeing as I was on two metal sticks, he didn't utter a word. Once we were settled, he cleared his throat and leaned against the front of his desk.

"Today we're going to do something different," Mr. Owens started, crossing his arms in front of him. "Since the holidays are coming up, I thought it would be good to write an essay," everyone groaned, "about your favorite family tradition. I want at least two pages and you will be graded on content as well as spelling and grammar. These are due at the end of class so use your time wisely."

Whispered mutters filled the air as he walked around to the back of his desk and sat down. Pulling a spiral notebook from my backpack, I twirled my pencil between my fingers and tried to decide what to write. We had a lot of traditions that we observed as a family; picking out our tree together, decorating it while we listened to cliché Christmas music, buying a new ornament for the tree each year. They weren't anything special, but they were ours.

However, I couldn't help but wonder what type of traditions the Swans followed. Did they buy a new tree every year or did they have an artificial tree? Did they have ornaments for me? Or were they all about Garrett and Angela? Did they open presents on Christmas Eve or wait till morning? Did they leave milk and cookies for Santa or attend a special Christmas Eve Candlelight service at church? Shaking my head, I shifted in my chair. I didn't know these things about them because I'd been too wrapped up in myself to even ask.

The bell chimed, breaking out of my mental rambles. Taking a deep breath, I looked down at my notebook, finding that I hadn't written anything. I closed it, shoving it back into my backpack before pulling myself up on my crutches. Edward grabbed my bag and hoisted it on his shoulders before leading the way to the door, but not before placing his essay on Mr. Owen's desk. I'd made it three steps when he called out to me.

"Bella, your essay?" he asked.

Shrugging my shoulders, I looked back at him. "I didn't do it." Mr. Owens leaned back in his seat, simply lifting an eyebrow for me to explain my actions. "I could have told you a hundred little things about my family, Mr. Owens, but if I've learned anything over the last two months is that my family is more than the parents who raised me and the brothers who teased me relentlessly for being a girl. How can I tell you what my family traditions are when I don't know them, not all of them anyway?"

Nodding, he stood up. "Fair point. I'll give you till the first of the new term to get me your essay. Miss Cullen, don't take this assignment lightly. This is a chance for you to look into yourself."

"I know that, sir," I replied. "But you make that sound easy."

"Never said it was." With a wave, he dismissed us.

I followed Edward, Emmett, and Alice out into the hall. Before I could explain to Emmett my reasoning behind the essay, he hutched his shoulders and stalked down the hallway to his next class. With a sigh, I followed Edward and Alice toward calculus. Barely nine in the morning and I already had a splitting headache.

**Thanks for all the patience over the last couple of months. I managed to get both my books written, but please understand that as they come back from the editors, I will need to take the time to make them perfect. **


	45. Chapter 45

By the time lunchtime came rolling around, my head was throbbing, my leg ached, and I was starving. Edward was waiting for me just outside of my classroom door. Jasper grabbed my backpack for me, saying that he'd put it in my locker for me. He knew the trek down to the cafeteria was harder with my crutches and seeing as Edward's arm was in a cast and sling, he knew better than to expect him to do it. Besides, it was one way that Jasper felt needed, and after how hard we'd fought to get our relationship back on track, I wasn't about to let that go. I needed my brothers — all of them.

"Baby, you look tired," Edward said.

"Gee, thanks for stating the obvious," I muttered, hobbling down the hallway. "I didn't sleep very good last night . . . again. Seems to be the story of my life nowadays."

"Have you told your dad? Maybe he could give you something to help," he suggested.

I sighed. "No. I mean, Carlisle knows. He and Esme have been coming in to help deal with the nightmares, but . . ." I paused, tearing my eyes off the floor and up to him. "How'd you get through it?"

Edward brought his hand up, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. "I got to the point where I wasn't afraid to tell my mom and dad that I was hurting. Communication is so important, Bella. I know it doesn't seem like it, but you've made great strides over the last few days. Just stop putting so much pressure on yourself."

"Have I mentioned that I love you?" I asked, my hand coming up to his chest. "Without you . . ." I let my words die. The thought of not having Edward in my life had my heart aching.

"I love you, too." Edward leaned in and kissed me. "Now, let's go eat because I'm fucking starving."

"Me too," I giggled.

It took us a few minutes to make it to the cafeteria. Edward managed to balance a tray on his good hand while the ladies who worked there loaded him up with enough food to feed both of us. When we went to pay for it, Pat, the cashier, informed us that someone else had taken care of whatever we ate and gestured back to where Garrett was sitting. Muttering my thanks I followed Edward back to his table. I wasn't sure if Garrett or Charlie, maybe both, had paid for our lunches, but I appreciated it. I just didn't know how to express that without sounding like an idiot.

"Can we sit here?" I asked, motioning to the empty seats next to Garrett. Kate sat on his other side, a smile covering lips and her hand wrapped around his forearm.

"Depends," Garrett replied.

"On?" I lifted an eyebrow.

"Are you going to eat that cake?" He laughed and reached across the table for the slice of chocolate cake.

"Um, I was going to until you put your fucking hands on it, you big jerk," I snickered, before sitting next to him. Edward placed the tray in front of me before taking my crutches and leaning them against the wall behind me. He sat down in the chair next to me, picking up one of the slices of pizza and taking a bite. "Is it good, baby?"

"Mmhmm," he hummed, winking at me. "Why don't you try some?"

"Okay," I whispered, leaning forward and taking a bite off the pizza he just offered me. It might have been my imagination, but it looked like Edward's eyes darkened. I brought my hand up to his face, stroking my thumb across his cheek. Edward leaned into my touch. For a moment, it was just the two of us.

Of course, Emmett's booming voice had to break through our little bubble. "Are we still welcome here?"

I shifted my eyes over to Garrett, waiting for him to speak. He simply shrugged his shoulders, keeping his attention locked on the edge of the table. "Um . . ." I started.

"Just fucking sit down," Garrett muttered, leaning forward and dragging his hand through his hair. "I gotta go anyway, so . . ."

Before we could stop him, Garrett nearly ran out of the cafeteria. Kate sighed before pushing her chair away and following him. Emmett dropped into the chair that sat opposite of me, pushing his tray away, and bringing his clenched fists up to his forehead. "I didn't mean anything by it, I really didn't. But we've always celebrated your birthday in December." Emmett lifted his gaze to me, his eyes swimming with tears that he fought to keep from falling. "I swear, Bell, I didn't mean to be a fuck-up."

"I know, Em," I murmured.

"Don't worry about it, Emmett," Edward added. "I'll talk to him."

"I don't need you to fight my battles for me, Edward," he snapped, throwing his chair back as he stood up. "Just fucking stay out of it."

Emmett spun on his heel and stormed out, causing everyone to turn and stare at us. Closing my eyes, I slipped my arm around Edward and leaned my head on his shoulder. "I think we need a do over for today. It's pretty much sucking ass so far."

"That it has, baby, that it has," he agreed, turning and pressing his lips against the side of my head.

Jasper and Alice showed up a few minutes later, both of them asking where everyone was. We both just shrugged our shoulders and told them we didn't know. Maybe they sensed something, or they just didn't care, but neither of them said anything else. By the time the bell rang, my headache was even worse. I contemplated calling Esme and having her take me home. She'd do it in a heartbeat, but I'd already missed enough school between my mental breakdowns and the accident. It was a wonder that I managed to keep my grades up at all.

Edward kept his good arm on the small of my back while I hobbled down to my locker. He tried to grab my backpack, but I elbowed him and told him I had it. I might be gimp, but I wasn't helpless—not entirely anyway. He humored me and pulled his arm away. Though, he did make a show of rubbing his ribs. I ignored him, knowing he was just being dramatic.

The tardy bell rang just as Edward and I walked into biology. Mr. Banner huffed, but didn't utter a word. Garrett was sitting at our table, his head ducked down with his forehead resting on the palm of his hand. Edward helped me prop my leg up on the one of the stools before he sat next to Garrett, who kept his head ducked from us. Sighing, I pulled a sheet of notebook paper out and scribbled him a note. He could be pissed about Emmett, I wouldn't blame him, but I didn't want him blaming me for my brother's idiocy.

_**So you're mad?**_ Folding the sheet of paper in half, I slid it across the black tabletop, shoving it under his arm.

Garrett grabbed it with a huff. Unfolding it, he read what I wrote before pulling out a pen and scribbling a return message, and sliding it back to me—all without looking at me. It hurt. _No, Bella, I'm not mad. Just . . . tired._

This time I huffed. _**Yeah? I'm tired, too. I know you're pissed with Emmett, I don't blame you, but he didn't mean anything by it.**_

When Garrett read this one, he scoffed, jamming his pen against the paper so hard, I thought he was going to tear it. _He never seems to mean anything he says, does he? You know what, Bella? Just don't worry about it. I got the message loud and clear._

The harsh tone in Garrett's words cut me deep, slicing a hole in my soul. _**What message? I don't know what you're talking about, Garrett?**_

Instead of replying, he crumpled the paper up and dropped it onto the floor. Yeah, that hurt, too.

He kept his head down, his hand covering his face for the rest of class. He even ignored Edward's attempts to comfort him, which was something I'd never seen him do in the almost three months that I'd known him. The moment the bell rang, Garrett was out of the room, nearly bowling Lauren Mallory over on the way.

"Well, alight then," Edward muttered, standing up and coming around the table to me. He gripped my leg and gently placed it back on the floor before handing me my crutches. "Definitely think that do-over is entitled."

"Yeah," I whispered, shaking my head, "but then again, we don't ever get what we deserve, do we? Or maybe we do, and this is my punishment for being such a bitch lately."

"Baby, no," Edward said.

"Let's just go," I grumbled.

Edward let the subject drop as we made our way down to gym. Due to his broken arm and my busted leg, neither of us had to dress out. Which at first was okay, but after a few weeks, it had started to get boring. I hated gym, but I hated feeling helpless more. Charlie was standing at the free throw line when we came in. He bent his knees, tossing the basketball he was holding in the basket, sinking it with a swish.

"Nice shot," I commented, wincing as I lifted my leg up on the wooden bleachers. "I thought you played baseball."

"I did, but that doesn't mean I can't handle myself on the court, too," he scoffed, coming over and sitting on the bench in front of me. Sighing, he looked over at me. "Is it okay that I'm in here? Coach Clapp has the flu and they needed me to cover. If it's an issue, I can . . ."

"It's fine, Charlie," I murmured. He scowled and shook his head. "Don't make it an issue, okay? I've kind of had my fill of that today."

"Did something happen?" Charlie's eyes were wide, full of concern for me.

I shifted my eyes away from his, releasing a deep breath. The need he had to take care of me was so overwhelming. "No," I lied. "Just been a long day. You know, coming back from the extended weekend and everything."

"Okay, if you're sure," he groused, looking uneasy. Before he could press for me, the rest of our class came trickling out of the locker rooms. Huffing, he stood up. "Well, I suppose duty calls."

Charlie blew his whistle, calling class together. Edward reached over and took hold of my hand, bringing it up to his lips. Shifting my eyes to him, I nearly whimpered from the intensity pouring off of him.

"I love you, Bella Cullen," he murmured.

My cheeks warmed. "I love you, too."

Edward and I stayed lost in each other until the shrilling from the bell broke through our private moment. For an hour, we didn't have any worries or concerns. We were just a boy and a girl, loving each other. It was nice and peaceful, yet like all good things it came to an end. Edward helped me off of the bleachers. Well, as much as he could with one arm. By the time we walked out of the building, the light drizzle that had been falling all morning had turned into a downpour, the freezing cold temperatures threatening to turn the moisture into slick ice. I already had enough trouble walking, without Mother Nature trying to take me out.

"I wish I could drive you home," Edward said. Looking down at me, he sighed. "Call me tonight?"

"Of course I will," I replied. Edward slid his arm around my shoulder, bent down, and pressed his lips to mine. "You make it really hard to leave."

"Good, that means you're going to be that much more anxious to get back in my arms."

"If the choice was mine, I'd never leave them."

Edward kissed me once again. "One day, you won't have to."

Leaving me standing under the awning with my mouth hanging open, Edward rushed out into the rain and climbed into his car. That boy had no idea what he did to me — none at all.

Emmett and Jasper came out a few minutes later. Emmett didn't utter a word as he gently swept me off of my feet, letting my crutches fall into Jasper's waiting hands. Sliding my hands around the neck of my brother, I let him carry me to the jeep, knowing that he needed to do this for me. Just as they did this morning, Jasper took the backseat, giving me the passenger seat while Emmett drove.

He'd just started the jeep when Garrett and Kate came out of the school. From the distance, it looked like they were arguing. Kate reached out for his hand, but Garrett pulled away from her, saying something that caused Kate to stumble back a few steps. In horror, I watched as he spun on his heel and ran over to his car, leaving Kate standing there with her hands covering her mouth.

"Let's go, Em," I muttered.

A few minutes later, Emmett pulled up into the driveway. He came around and lifted me out of the jeep, carrying me onto the porch before setting me on my feet. The minute Jasper handed me my crutches, Emmett rushed into the house, nearly slamming the door closed in our faces. However, Jasper was able to stop it before it slammed shut.

"Fucker," he groused, holding the door open for me. "I don't know about you, Bell, but my head hurts."

"Yeah, mine does, too," I griped.

Esme came rushing out of the kitchen. "What's wrong with your brother? He just walked right through the house and out into the backyard. Now, he's just standing in the rain."

"Nothing, Mom," Jasper lied, knowing full well what Emmett's problem was. "Gonna go get started on my homework."

"Hmm, okay," Esme said, turning to me. "Do you know what's wrong with Emmett?"

Tightening my grip on my crutches, I shrugged my shoulders. "I think he misses the sun, too."

**So, I sat down like a week ago and started this chapter, but just could not get into it. Something about it felt off to me. So, I did what I always tell people to do when they are facing the same feeling—I stepped away from it. I did some reading, I dealt with two rounds of edits that finally came through for my two books, I screamed, I cried, I ranted about how everything sucked. I dealt with some personal shit that just would not leave me alone. Finally, I gave up. Yesterday, I reopened my doc and, suddenly, they decided they wanted to talk to me and voila! We have a chapter. So, thanks for being patient with me, but it's been along week/week and a half.**


	46. Chapter 46

"I wish you could come with me," I whispered, bringing my hand up and wrapping my fingers around the front of Edward's shirt. We were sitting in the cafeteria, surrounded by a couple hundred people, but we might as well have been alone. The tension around us had hit its highest point, which wasn't really anything new, but it was getting old. I wanted things to be better and they weren't. Once again, I felt like everything was spiraling out of control.

"Me too, but I can't," Edward replied, reaching up and covering my hand. "I'll be at your house when you and Carlisle get back. I promise."

Closing the distance between our lips, I kissed him. "I love you."

"And I love you, Bella Cullen, with all my heart and soul."

Inside, I was melting. Edward always knew what to say that would send me reeling. The boy was perfect and amazing, and I was starting to think he wasn't real. I mean, hell, most boys weren't this suave, right? Sighing, I turned away. Garrett was sitting across from me, with Kate to his left, but like he had done every day this week, he spent all of lunch glaring at the table. Several times over the last three days, I tried to get him to talk to me, but every time I did, he just huffed and said, "Don't worry about me, Bella. I know."

The problem was I didn't know what he was talking about. What exactly did he know? With him not bothering to tell me, I found myself second guessing everything I did. Had I fucked everything up and not even realized it?

Biting my bottom lip, I shifted my eyes to the other side of the cafeteria where Emmett and Rose were sitting. She had her body turned toward him, but it looked like he was ignoring whatever she told him. Just like with Garrett, Emmett had been in a mood all week. I tried to talk to him, but just shook his head and said, "I'll never be right."

Again, I didn't know what he was talking about.

What I wanted to do was lock them in a room together and force them to talk it out, or even throw a few punches. I wasn't an idiot; the careless comment Emmett made on Monday about celebrating my birthday in December had set this whole situation off, but neither of them would admit it. I couldn't help but wonder if I'd ever be able to have a peaceful moment again.

"Baby, come on. Your dad is probably waiting for you," Edward said, pulling my attention back to him.

Nodding, I grabbed my crutches and stood up. "Walk me out?"

"Duh," he scoffed.

Garrett ignored us as we walked away, while Kate smiled. She was trying to be there for him, though he'd been lashing out at her, too. If my leg wasn't broken, I would have kicked his ass for hurting her. Kate had done nothing but support him for as long as I'd known them. She didn't deserve to be treated like shit just because he was angry. Guilt wrapped around me; I was a hypocrite. I hadn't had any problem taking my anger out on everyone.

Edward was right. Carlisle was leaning against his car when we walked out of the building. Edward kissed me before he headed back inside and I hobbled down to where Carlisle waited. Though my father tried to hide it, the scowl that crept over his face and the glare he threw in Edward's direction gave him away. He still didn't like the idea of his daughter being in love, but he was going to have to deal with it. Edward was the one person I couldn't live without.

"Hey, sweetheart," he said, opening the door for me. "How was school?"

"So much fun I could barely stand it," I groused and slid into the seat. Carlisle had the seat as far back as it could go since I had a nice and heavy plaster cast on my leg.

Carlisle laughed, and took my crutches from me. "Somehow, Bella, I don't believe you. Are you in?"

"Yeah."

Carlisle shut the door and stowed my crutches in the backseat before running around to the driver's side and sliding in behind the wheel. He started the car, pulled on his seatbelt, waited for me to follow suit, and drove out of Forks, toward Port Angeles. Bracing my arm on the door, I looked out the window and watched the trees soar past us.

An hour later, my father parked his car in front of Marcus' office building. Once he had my crutches out of the backseat, he helped me out of the car and inside. Janine smiled and told us that he'd be with me in a few minutes. I tried to keep my voice calm as I thanked her, but the tremor that laced my words gave me away. There wasn't any sense in pretending that I wasn't nervous. Marcus had made himself clear during our last session; either I started to deal or he was done with me. I wasn't sure I'd done the first, or was prepared for the second.

Almost like clockwork, Marcus opened his office door three minutes later. Dressed in his usual attire of a pair of faded blue jeans and a graphic tee, he looked over at me and smiled. "You ready?"

Words failed me. My throat felt like it had swollen shut. I managed to nod and stand up, though I wasn't sure how. Once I was inside his office, he shut the door. Looking around, I noticed a new painting hanging on the wall, in the exact same spot that Miranda's work always hung. Hobbling across the room, I stood in front of it, completely amazed by what I saw. The other works that I'd seen in his office had been dark and moody. Lots of crimson dripping like blood down a wall, but this one was the total opposite. Vibrant yellow was in in the middle. Surrounding it were rings of electric blue, neon purple, and hot- bubble gum pink.

"When she'd leave you this one?" The words tumbled out of my mouth in a whisper, but I knew Marcus had heard them.

"A couple of weeks ago," came his answer, almost as softly as my question had.

"Why?" I murmured.

Marcus didn't answer me immediately. I heard him walk across his office, open and then close a drawer, walk back over to me, but he never said anything. A moment later, he held a small card with a single star on the front out to me. My hand shook as I released my hold on my crutch and gripped it between my fingers.

I opened it, and read, "Hope is the hardest emotion to express. Sometimes, it comes out feeling like envy or pity. Other times, it's like anger and madness. For me, Hope is a rainbow. Always, Miranda."

"What does hope feel like for you, Bella?" Marcus asked.

Letting my arm drop to my side, I whimpered. "Like a warm summer day. One where all you want to do is just…laugh and smile. Where you aren't afraid to go to sleep. Not because of the monsters that haunt you, but because you don't want it to end."

"Have you ever felt like that?" Marcus slipped the card out of my hand.

I shook my head. "Never."

"Then how can you be sure that's hope?"

A tear danced down my cheek as I looked over at him. "Because when I was little, it carried me through the darkness."

"Come over here and sit down," he said, moving to the couch.

Taking a deep breath, I followed, choosing to sit in the red chair. Marcus took my crutches and propped them on the table next to me before grabbing the yellow chair and moving it so that he could sit right in front of me. It was both awkward and comfortable.

"I'll admit, Bella. I was surprised that you came back today," he said. "Why did you?"

My mouth opened and closed several times before I was able to get the words to come out. "I don't know. I don't like being this angry, Marcus. And I know that everyone is tired of dealing with my shit. I want to be able to smile without it feeling forced. I want to laugh and sing, but I can't because I'm so angry."

"Nobody expects you not to be angry, Bella," Marcus replied, handing me a tissue.

"That's what everyone says, but they don't mean it."

"Why don't they mean it?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Because when I express my anger, they get hurt. I don't want to hurt them — any of them, Marcus. I love my family, but between feeling like I'm lost again and the accident, I feel like they've had enough of me."

Marcus sighed and brought his hand up to his mouth. "Are you still having nightmares?"

"Every night," I whimpered.

"About the guy who took you?" he prodded. I nodded. "About Charlie and Renee taking you away from Carlisle and Esme?"

"No," I murmured. "Just the faceless guy." I released a shaky breath, which turned into full out sobbing. "Why won't he leave me alone?"

"He's not there, sweetheart," Marcus whispered, reaching up and wiping the tears off my face. He placed a finger against my temple. "He's in here. What we have to do is figure out how to get him out of there?"

"And how do we do that?" I begged. "Please, tell me how? Because I told them everything, I bore my soul to my family on Thanksgiving, but he is still there. My mom and dad have to hold me down because I'm thrashing around so much. Marcus, help me!"

"Okay, calm down," he soothed, placing his hands on either side of my face. I was trembling, and every breath I took felt forced. My chest ached and a dark cloud began to creep over my eyes. "Bella, come on, sweetheart, I need you to calm down."

"I — I'm scared that he's gonna kill me," I sobbed.

Marcus stood up and walked across his office, opening the door. "Carlisle, I need you in here now."

My father was inside the office and at my side before I could blink. Carlisle cradled me to his chest, running his hands through my hair. "Shhh, sweetheart, Daddy's here."

I couldn't speak; the words were strangled by the tears seeping into his shirt. I brought my hand up, curling my fingers around the collar of his shirt and holding to him as tightly as I could.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked, his tone was gritty and harsh.

"She's having a panic attack," Marcus replied. From the corner of his eye, I noticed that he'd slid back into the yellow chair. "She was telling me about her nightmares."

Carlisle tensed against me. "I see," he muttered.

"I need you to tell me what she does when she's having one."

Shaking he head, Carlisle pressed his lips to the top of my head. "She screams out, begging for . . ."

"For?" Marcus asked.

"For help," Carlisle cried. "Esme and I rush into her room. Sometimes, we're able to wake her up, but other times she's too far gone and s — she just thrashing on the bed. She'll grab her hair or claw at her arms so we hold her down and try to wake her up. All this time she's crying, and just . . . pleading for us to save her."

"How long do those episodes last?" Marcus shoved a new tissue into my hand.

"Sometimes only a few minutes, while others can go on for an hour," Carlisle answered.

"Bella, sweetheart," Marcus said. I turned and looked at him. "Are you okay now?"

"No," I whispered.

He smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. "I suppose that was a stupid question."

"Yeah," I grumbled.

Sighing, he leaned up and placed his elbows on his knees. "I'd hoped to avoid doing this, but I think we need to consider medication to help you sleep."

"Huh?" I asked, sitting up. "You want to drug me?"

"No, I don't want to, but clearly you're not getting a good night sleep. Bella, I'm gonna be honest with you: you look like crap." I gasped, while Carlisle growled. "You've lost weight, you're gaunt, and you have dark circles under your eyes. Maybe that makes me a jerk for saying so, but, sweetheart, you've got to sleep."

"Don't you think I know that?" I snarled. "Yeah, I look like shit. No, I can't sleep. You promised to help me, to make that bastard leave me alone. When are you going to do that?"

"I can't," he exclaimed, standing up so fast that his chair pushed back several feet. "Damn it, Bella, I don't know how to get him out of your head. Only you do. There's a part of you that is holding on to what he did to you, and until you figure out why, all I can do is offer you a shoulder to cry on and my advice. But you have to sleep. You're gonna get sick."

Nodding my head, I said, "So it is my fault that he's always there?"

"Not consciously." Marcus sighed and placed his hands on his hips. "You need closure, to understand why this person just left you. But, the problem is, you'll never get that answer — not from him at least. There's no way to know who this guy is, or why he saw Renee's car and decided to take it. A part of you is holding to your anger because it's all you've know. When you were little, did you ever not feel angry for being abandoned?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Not once?" Carlisle asked.

Shifting my attention to my father, I said, "No." He flinched, which just made me feel guilty. "Daddy, it's not that I don't love you and Mom, because I do. It's just . . ."

"Just what?" He frowned.

"No matter how much you told me that I was your daughter, I knew I wasn't. Not biologically. I mean, Jas looks like Mom and Em has your ears. Where do I fit in?" I cried.

"Bella," he sighed, shaking his head. "So you don't have my eyes, or Esme's lips. That doesn't mean that you aren't our daughter. You have Esme's attitude, and my potty mouth."

I laughed.

"When you get scared, you shut yourself away from everyone — just like Esme does," he continued.  
"There is more to a person than who they look like."

"I know that, Daddy, but that doesn't make it easier. I just want to be normal, you know."

"Being normal is highly overrated, Bella," Marcus said.

When I looked at him, he had a huge smile on his face. "Not when you've spent your entire like feeling like a freak." The smile dropped from his face. "You know why I started to write music?"

"No," he muttered.

"Because it gave me something to escape into, somewhere that I didn't feel like everyone stared at me. Maybe that doesn't make sense, or whatever, but I've always felt like the odd man out." I turned to Carlisle. "It's nothing that you or Mom did, or Jas and Em. It's just how it is. There were holes in my life that I didn't know anything about. When I wrote my music, I didn't feel so different."

"Wrote?" Marcus asked. I shifted my attention to him. "You said when you wrote music. Do you not still write it?"

I shook my head. "Not like I used to," I admitted. "Right now, my music is dark and angry. I don't like it."

"Hmm, interesting," he mused, walking over to his desk. He picked up his pen and scribbled something down on a yellow post-it note. Coming back over to us, Marcus held out the paper to Carlisle. "Take her here. Right now."

"Where?" Carlisle asked, standing up.

"Trust me, it'll help." Marcus looked down at me and added, "If you let it."

"You're not going to tell us anything else about this place, are you?" I asked.

Marcus smirked. "No. Sometimes, the best things come as a surprise."

Grabbing my crutches, I stood up. "Yeah and sometimes they don't. How do you know the difference?"

Marcus shrugged his shoulders and looked over at the painting Miranda had left him. "You hope."

Carlisle looked confused but didn't question it as he lead me out of Marcus' office and back out to the car. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about wherever Marcus wanted us to go, but knew that if I was ever going to trust him, then I had to start now. A few minutes later, Carlisle parked his car outside of what looked like an old warehouse.

"This it?" I asked. The place looked like it had been abandoned. The outside had been covered in graffiti, and there was trash and broken bottles littering the parking lot. If it hadn't for the three dozen cars parked outside of it, I might have thought that Marcus was sending us to our death. Part of me still wondered.

"This is the address he gave me." Carlisle sighed. "Are you ready?"

"I don't know," I replied. "You won't leave me, will you, Daddy?"

"No, honey."

Nodding, I pushed open my door. "Then let's go."

In a flash Carlisle was out of the car and handing me my crutches. He was just as curious as I was about where Marcus had sent us. Taking a deep breath, I followed him over to the heavy, iron door. He held it open for me, stepping in and letting it close behind us. The front room didn't look much better than the outside. The black and white tile floor was grungy and dirty, the walls were white, and there were cobwebs in the corners.

The door on the far side of the room opened and a woman with long black hair came out. She had streaks of red, blue, purple, and green woven throughout her hair. She had on a pair of jeans that clung to her like they'd been painted on, and there were holes in both knees. A bright green tank top completed the outfit, giving her an edgy look. Looking from my father to me, she smiled.

"You must be Bella. Marcus called and told us he'd sent you over." Her tone was light and airy, almost bubbly.

"Yeah," I murmured. "What is this place?"

"The Warehouse," she said, like that cleared everything up. "Come with me."

"Excuse me," Carlisle huffed, before the woman could turn around. Her smile grew when she looked at him. "What exactly is The Warehouse?"

"Oh, I can't tell you. You have to see it for yourself," she chirped, turning back toward the door. Grabbing the handle, she pulled it open. I expected lights to pour out, or something, but there was nothing but darkness. She looked over her shoulder. "Coming?"

Carlisle shifted his body toward me. "We can leave."

"We could," I whispered, keeping my eyes locked on the darkness. "Or we can be brave and follow her."

"Bella, are you sure?"

Shaking my head, I shifted my attention to him. "No," I whimpered. "But I can't keep running, right? Marcus wouldn't have sent us here if he didn't think it would help, would he?"

"No, he wouldn't," the woman said, though Carlisle ignored her.

"Okay, but this turns out bad, you have to tell your mom," he groused.

I almost laughed. "Deal."

Though I could tell Carlisle didn't think we should follow some woman we didn't know into a dark room, I knew that sooner or later I was going to have to take risks and step out of my comfort zone. Living life in the rain hadn't done me any good. So I tightened my grip on my crutches and I hobbled over to the doorway, taking the first step into the darkness with only hope to lead me on.


	47. Chapter 47

The moment we stepped into the hallway, my heart began to race and every fear that I'd been fighting over the last few months bubbled up to the surface and threatened to take me out. I knew I had to do this, because hiding behind doubt would only keep me away from the sun. However, with each breath that I took, I felt my bravery wavering.

Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder, almost like he could tell that I needed a bit encouragement. The woman we followed looked over her shoulder, her smile growing with each step that we took. Perhaps, it was because we were shadowing her on blind faith alone, or maybe it was the secrets buried behind her eyes — secrets that felt like my own.

The dim, twinkle lights lined along the tall walls did very little to offer more than a dull glow, though it was enough for us to see that we were coming up to another set of large, iron doors. The woman stopped and looked back at us.

"Last chance to back out?" She lifted an eyebrow, her dark brown eyes locked on mine.

Shaking my head, I took a deep breath. "Let's go."

Her smile grew, before she turned and pushed open the doors. Where the hallway had been almost completely dark, the moment the doors opened, light flooded over us. Carlisle's hand on my shoulder tightened, and I wasn't sure who was more nervous: him or me. Probably him — I was going on blind faith that things in my life couldn't get any worse than they were right now.

"Welcome to The Warehouse," the woman chirped, leading us into the cavernous room.

My first thought was — wow. I wasn't sure what I'd expected to find, but what I saw didn't compare to where we found ourselves in. Easily the size of a football field, Carlisle and I stood in the doorway to what appeared to be a lounge of sorts. There was a stage on the far end of the room, and there were several couches surrounding it. On the platform was a woman strumming a guitar and singing softly into the microphone. The hypnotic melody slipping from her lips wrapped around me, pulling at my heartstrings. Tears filled my eyes and I turned away, unable to handle watching her pour her soul into her words.

A long, oak bar stretched across the length of the room, but I could tell they didn't sell alcohol. The warm scent wafting toward us reminded me of the coffee houses Carlisle would take me to on Saturday mornings. He'd nestled himself on a sofa with his newspaper and a hot cup of coffee, while I lost myself in my music and slipped on a frothy cup of hot chocolate. It was our time — a chance for father and daughter to reconnect. The tears I'd been fighting to keep back trickled down my cheeks; I missed being able to just sit with my father.

On the opposite side of the room were a couple dozen easels with canvases resting on them — some blank, some being used. The few people who were perched up in front of them were focused entirely on their work, heavy strokes and dark colors filled the white posters. Even though I didn't know anything about art, the emotions pouring off of each piece cut through me.

"What is this place?" Carlisle asked, tightening his grip on my shoulder — almost to the point of being painful.

Smiling, the woman waved her hand around the room. "The Warehouse is a place to be yourself, to let your inner voice out and find a safe place to release your anger."

"I see," my father replied, turning so that he faced me. "Sweetheart, are you okay?"

"I . . ." Shaking my head, I took a deep breath. "I don't know. Why'd he send us here?"

"You know the answer to that one," the woman stated, pulling our attention back to her. "Marcus never sends someone here unless they're supposed to be. So what do you do?"

"Huh?" I asked, feeling like an idiot the moment the word slipped out of my mouth.

"Do you paint? Write? Sing? Perhaps you see the world through the lens of a camera?" Shifting her eyes down to my busted leg, she laughed. "I'm assuming that you're not an athlete, at least not right now. So, which is it?"

"Oh, um," I stammered. "I guess I sing, though I haven't been doing a lot of that lately."

"Alysse," came a voice from behind me.

Looking over my shoulder, I saw a tall, thin woman with short, stylish blond hair. The tips had been died green, and matched her eyes perfectly. She wore a pair of jeans that had large rips in the knees, and a white T-shirt, both of which had splatters of red, blue, orange, and yellow paint on them. Clearly, she was an artist. Shifting her attention from Alysse to me, the woman smiled.

"Alysse, Dominic needs your help."

Without a word to me or Carlisle, Alysse walked past us and across the room, existing through another set of double doors. The woman behind me brought her hand up to her chest, lifting a long ,silver chain with a small key hanging from it. Her eyes never left mine, and for a reason that I couldn't explain, I couldn't seem to turn mine from hers.

"Excuse me," Carlisle said, clearing his throat. "Who are you?"

Though my father asked the question, she didn't look at him. "Miranda D'Angelo."

I gasped, unable to stifle the reaction. "His Miranda?"

Miranda laughed. "Well, I like to think that I don't belong to anyone, but yes, I'm the Miranda that Marcus told you about, Bella."

"How do you know my name?" I asked. Carlisle was looking between the two of us, confusion evident on his face.

"Marcus told me about you." She shrugged her shoulders, dropping her necklace and placing her hand on her hip. Her eyes finally left mine and settled on the stage. "He told me about your music. I knew it was only a matter of time before he sent you here."

"Why?" I wondered.

Turning back to me, I could see the pain in her eyes — something I could relate to even if I didn't know her story. "Because it's what he does to those he cares about." With a shake of her head, she smiled. "So let's hear it."

"Huh?" I blurted out.

Miranda laughed. "I want to hear this incredible voice that Marcus has raved about for myself."

My mouth flopped open several times as I looked from her to the stage, my grip on my crutches tightening. She couldn't be seriously asking me to get up there and sing in front of a bunch of strangers. A strangled noise echoed around me and it wasn't until Carlisle removed his hand from my shoulder, stepping in front of me, that I realized I'd been crying out.

"Shh, sweetheart, it's okay," Carlisle soothed, cupping my face between his hands. He tilted my head toward him, his blue eyes filled with anguish and heartache. "Take a deep breath for me."

Doing as he instructed, I took a deep breath, trying to get my lungs to allow the oxygen in. My eyes closed and my heart calmed, though I was still terrified. I'd taken a huge leap of faith by allowing my father to bring me here, and another by making the choice to follow Alysse into The Warehouse. Now — just when I was barely hanging on to my sanity — Miranda was asking me to bare my soul to everyone. Shaking my head, a handful of tears sprinkled down my cheeks, resting on the back of Carlisle's hands. She was asking too much.

"I can't," I whispered, unable to trust myself to speak any louder. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. One day you will," Miranda said. The sincerity in her words pulled my attention back to her. I expected to see anger or disgust, maybe even pity, but there was only hope. "Why don't we have a seat and talk for a few minutes." Miranda shifted her eyes over to Carlisle. "Alone, if you don't mind, Dr. Cullen. If Bella chooses to share my story with you after you leave, then so be it, but for now, I'd like some privacy."

"It's Carlisle, and as long as my daughter doesn't mind, then it's fine." Carlisle let his hands drop to his side and looked me in the eye.

"It's fine," I muttered. "Just don't go too far, okay?"

Nodding, Carlisle leaned forward and kissed my forehead before walking over to the coffee bar. He took a seat at the bar, ordered his drink from the guy behind the counter, and looked over his shoulder, worry filling his features. I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I knew it was off. Miranda cleared her throat and motioned for me to follow her over to a vibrant red sofa. Sitting on one end, she turned so that she faced me, bending her knees up in front of her. I settled on the other end, trying to get as comfortable as I could with a plaster cast on my leg.

"Sorry, we don't have any place more private to speak, but here at The Warehouse, we're pretty open with each other," Miranda stated. Running a hand through her blond hair, she sighed. "I'm sure you have a million questions."

"I have a few," I admitted.

She nodded. "Let me guess. The first one is why did Marcus send you here?"

"Pretty much."

"Has Marcus shared much of my story with you?"

"No, none of it actually," I replied.

Miranda took a deep breath. "My story doesn't really have a beginning, not really anyway. See, for me, Hell was just a way of life." Shaking her head, she paused. "I've often thought back to the moment when my life changed. Marcus would call me a survivor, but I'm not sure that's true. Most days, I consider myself just able to cope."

Shifting her eyes to mine, Miranda continued, "One day, I was found wandering down the middle of the street, completely naked and no clue who I was, or where I'd come from. An older man by the name of Saul found me and wrapped me in his coat and drove me straight to the local doctor's office. He stayed with me while the doctor peppered me with questions that I didn't have the answers to, and tried to understand how a girl just appeared out of nowhere."

Bringing her hand up to the silver chain hanging around her neck, Miranda sighed. "Every day since I've asked myself how I ended up there. One moment I was hiding away in the dark and the next, I was being set free."

"Set free from where?" I asked, drawing her attention up me.

"I don't know. I couldn't remember which direction I'd come from, what the house looked like, or anything. The only thing I remembered was being told it was time for me to leave, though I can't tell you who told me that. Every moment of my life before then had been spent in the darkness. Food was brought to me, but I didn't have any kind of interaction with anyone — just the voices inside my head. The police bombarded me with questions, but I couldn't speak, I could barely think a coherent thought."

Miranda shook her head. "I was a nobody. They estimated me to be about fourteen years old, but we don't know for sure. Saul insisted on taking me home with him, where he and his wife Jolene took care of me. They clothed me, made sure I ate three times a day, and insisted that I go outside instead of hiding in the closest. That was the hardest part for me — I'd become accustomed to the darkness that being in the sun felt odd and scary."

"Yeah, that's something I understand," I muttered.

"I suppose you do," she murmured, before continuing on with her story. "Because I lacked the ability to vocalize my feeling, I felt frustrated and out of control. I didn't want to be out there, I needed the safety that the dark brought me. No matter how much Saul and Jolene tried, they couldn't give me the comfort that I needed. Then one day, they had a visitor — their grandson. He'd come up from California, fresh out of college and looking for somewhere fresh to start the next phase of his life. I can't explain why, but the moment Saul and Jolene introduced me to him, I felt safe." A wistful sigh slipped from Miranda's lips before she lifted her eyes up to mine. "Marcus gave me hope that day."

"Marcus is Saul and Jolene's grandson?" I gasped, unsure why this revelation surprised me.

"Yes." Miranda smiled. "Once Saul explained how I'd come to stay with them, Marcus took to trying to teach me how to speak. Of course, I resisted him at first, unsure how I could trust this stranger, but after a few months, I found myself giving in to him. I won't lie and tell you that suddenly, one day everything was all better and I just got over it all — that's bullshit. There's still so much that I struggle to . . ." Letting her words hang in the air, Miranda took a deep breath.

"Marcus was the one who encouraged me to paint. When I'd go outside, I'd sit in the dirt and draw pictures. He came over one day and slipped a notebook under my finger, and placed a pencil in my hand. I don't even recall knowing what I was drawing, but I felt better when I did. Slowly, I was able to start pouring more of myself, my memories into my work. The more I painted the more I had to admit to have happened while I was in the dark."

Miranda paused and wiped the tears off her cheek. "Saul named me Miranda. Do you know why?"

"No," I whispered.

Though she still had tears in her eyes, Miranda smiled. "He told me I was his miracle, and that he knew I'd be okay — not perfect, but okay. So, I took the name he gave me and tried to live. Bella, I can't change what the first part of my life dealt me. More than likely, I'll never learn how I ended up in the dark, or why I was set free. I may not even be able to remember everything that happened to me while I was being hidden away. But, what I do know is that I'm here, and I'm alive. I smile everyday — even when I don't feel like it. Like today. You brought a smile to my face, Bella."

"I did?" I whimpered.

Slowly, Miranda reached over and took hold of my hand. "Yes, you did, and do you know why?" I shook my head, dislodging the tears that were hanging onto the tips of my lashes. "Because you're here. You didn't have to follow Marcus' instructions to come to The Warehouse, and you didn't have to follow Alysse through those doors, but you did. And that alone shows that you're stronger than you think you are."

Miranda scooted to the edge of the sofa and sighed. "You're always welcome here, Bella. You, your father, and anyone else who needs some place safe to vent, or scream, or cry. The Warehouse is a safe place to just be without any expectations. I hope that you'll come back, and one day, I really hope I get to hear you sing because from the way Marcus tells it, you're going to change the world with your voice."

My mouth flopped open a half dozen times before I could mutter, "Maybe one day."

Smiling, Miranda gave my hand one last squeeze, stood up, and walked away from me. I looked over my shoulder and watched while she went up to my father, gesturing to me, before walking toward the double doors Alysse had ventured into. Carlisle was by my side in a heartbeat. He helped me stand, and handed me my crutches, then led me back out of The Warehouse, all without uttering a word to me. I knew he wasn't upset with me, I could see the calming look in his eyes, but the quiet was unnerving.

Once we were back in the car, and on the way back to Forks, I broke the silence that had fallen between us.

"What'd she say to you?" I asked.

Carlisle spared me a look before he turned his attention back to the road, a smile tugging at his lips. "She told me not to give up on you, and to make sure that you come back. Though, I have to be honest, Bella, I don't understand a damn thing that went down inside that place today."

"You know the paintings in Marcus' office?" Carlisle nodded. "She paints them. I guess, he thought she could help or something."

Once again, Carlisle nodded. "And did she?"

I sighed. "I don't know yet. She's . . . well, she's been through a lot — way more than me; yet she's able to get through one day and onto the next. I don't know what to think right now, I guess."

"Are you going to go back?" he asked. Though he tried to keep his voice even, I could hear the nerves in his words.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Maybe. Right now, I'm still trying to process everything."

"Anytime you want to go, just say the word and I will take you, okay?" Carlisle shifted his eyes over to mine. "I mean it — anytime."

"Okay, Dad, thank you."

Heaving out a relieved sigh, Carlisle smiled. "Now, we'd better get home before your mom freaks out."

I laughed. "Yeah, you wouldn't want to have to sleep on the couch."

Carlisle grimaced. "No shit."

Leaning over, I laid my head on my father's shoulder and enjoyed the ride back home — just him and me and the hope for something better.

**Thank you for all the reviews. I apologize for the delay on this chapter. I started it and then got hit by a nasty case of writer's block that just would not leave me alone. As if that wasn't enough, real life decided that I needed to pay attention to it for a bit. Nothing quite like a kid with Pneumonia, one having blood sugar issues, and another who finds everything to be funny, to make a person twitch.**


	48. Chapter 48

Early Monday morning, I hobbled out of the house and settled on the front porch once again, tucking my blanket up around my body. Just like it always seemed to do here in Forks, it was raining. I couldn't explain why, but I found myself hiding away in my bedroom all weekend. My visit to The Warehouse had me doing some serious thinking about where I was life. For months I'd been wallowing away because my world had been turned upside down in a heartbeat. True, I'd found myself facing the people who'd starred in my worst nightmares for years; but they weren't the monsters that I'd spent my childhood envisioning them to be. Yet, I couldn't let them in and I wanted to — I desperately wanted to.

Esme and Carlisle had come in several times over the weekend, checking to make sure that I hadn't lost myself. As far as I knew, Carlisle hadn't told Esme about The Warehouse or Miranda, though there wasn't any reason to keep it from her. Esme would worry, fret over what it was and why Marcus had sent us there, but she wouldn't have stopped me from going — not if it would help. No, Esme would do just about anything to see me smile again. I wish I could just to make her happy again. Where Esme needed me back, I needed my mother back.

I didn't want to be angry anymore. Too many times over the last few months, I'd let my emotions take over and it had nearly cost me my families, my friends, my true self. One day, if I wasn't careful, it would end up costing me Edward. Without him, I'd die; I'd lose myself entirely and just the thought of that happening scared me more than allowing Charlie and Renee Swan into my life.

"Why'd I know I would find you out here?" Smiling, I looked over and saw Carlisle standing in the doorway with two coffee mugs in his hands. "Can I sit?"

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Sure." Carlisle took the wicker chair next to me and handed me one of the cups. My smile grew when I saw the dozen marshmallows floating on the top. Cocking an eyebrow, I asked, "Does Mom know?"

"No," he laughed, leaning back and sipping on his coffee. "And she doesn't need to know, either. A few marshmallows in the morning isn't gonna kill you. Hell, half the breakfast cereals out there are full of more sugar than those things are."

"Who are you trying to convince: me or yourself?" Blowing first, I took a sip. "Hmm, good."

"Myself," he said. "And of course it's good. After all, I was the one who made it."

"Well, as long as you are being humble," I teased. "What are you doing up so early?"

"I thought about jogging," he started, "but then decided it's too cold."

"Wuss," I fake coughed.

"Hey, I'm your father, little girl. Show me some respect," he said, trying to put a stern face on, but I knew Carlisle better than that and a moment later, his lips twitched and he smiled. "I am a wuss. Don't tell your mother, but I really hate the rain. It makes my bones hurt."

"You and me both," I murmured, rubbing the top of my broken leg.

"Does it still hurt a lot?" Carlisle asked.

For the second time that since he'd come out, I shrugged my shoulders. "More of a dull ache. My arms and shoulders hurt more. Stupid ass crutches."

Carlisle nodded and sipped his coffee again. "I didn't hear you much last night. Did you sleep okay?"

I smiled at his lame attempt to question my sleeping habit. "If you're asking if I had any nightmares last night, then yes I did, but it wasn't as bad as they normally are."

"Well, that's good, right?" he asked.

"I guess," I mumbled. "I'd rather they just went away completely."

"Me too, sweetheart, me too." Carlisle sighed. "God, it's cold out here. You'd better come in before your mother throws a fit. You know how that woman gets."

"No, exactly how do I get, dear?" At the sound of Esme's voice, Carlisle and I whipped out attention around and found her standing in the doorway. Though she had her hands on her hips and a furious look on her face, the look in her eyes told me she wasn't really pissed.

"Oh, um, I mean . . ." Carlisle stood up and huffed. "You're beautiful and amazing, where I am just an idiot."

"Yeah, yeah; whatever." Esme scoffed and turned her attention to me. "But he's right. It's way too cold for you to be out here like this. You're going to end up with pneumonia and with your leg, you need to stay healthy."

"Okay, I'll come in," I muttered.

Unraveling the blanket from around me, I grabbed my crutches and pulled myself up. Carlisle reached out for me, but backed away when I looked up at him. There were things I needed to do for myself, and this was one of them. I loved my father, but he wasn't going to be able to hold my hand and walk me into my kindergarten classroom like he did when I was around five. These were steps that I needed to take for myself.

I followed them inside, bypassing the kitchen and heading into my bedroom so I could change for school. Choosing a pair of Jasper's black sweat pants that would stretch over my cast and a charcoal gray, long-sleeve T-shirt, I pulled on my one running shoe, put my hair up in a ponytail, and hobbled back out of my room. Emmett and Jasper were sitting at the table already. Where Jasper was shoving eggs into his mouth, Emmett was pushing his around his plate. Ever since Garrett lashed out at him for mentioning my December birthday, he'd withdrawn from everyone but Rose. She was the only one who could reach him and I understood why. Rose was his Edward. I missed my brother, but I was thankful that he had someone as wonderful as Rose to take care of him.

Esme prattled on about her errands, and Carlisle nodded and said, "Yes, dear" every time she directed a question toward him, but even I could tell that he noticed the changes in Emmett. The problem was how to get him to open up. Emmett had never been one to share his feelings. Much like me, he choose to keep everything bottled up inside until the dam broke and everything came pouring out.

"We'd better get to school," Jasper said, pushing his chair away from the table and standing up. He looked from Emmett to me, imploring me with his eyes to come on.

"Yeah," I said, quickly. "Can't wait to go learn something new." Carlisle snorted, but tried to turn it into a cough — unsuccessfully. I glared at him before turning back to Emmett. "Em —"

However, before I could finish, Emmett stood up, walked around the table, and picked me up. I gasped and threw my arms around his neck. "Let's go."

"Okay," I whispered burying my face in his neck. "Okay."

Emmett's arms tightened around me as he carried me through the house and out to the jeep. Jasper had already grabbed our backpacks and was waiting for us in the back seat. Once Emmett had me settled, he went around and climbed into the driver's seat, without ever saying a word to me or Jasper. My heart ached for him, for us. The three of us used to be the best of friends, closer than most siblings were, but now we barely spoke. I hated it.

A few minutes later, Emmett parked the jeep next to Edward's silver Volvo. Cutting the engine, Emmett reached for the door handle, but stopped when I placed my hand on his arm. However, he wouldn't look at me. Jasper seemed to be holding his breath, waiting for whatever was going to happen. There were so many things I wanted to tell them, but as usual, I was struggling to bare my soul to them.

After a few moments, I gathered myself and said, "I've done a lot of thinking over the weekend about what I want for my life." Emmett turned to me. "I've been afraid to let go of my anger because if I do, then I'll just fade away again." Emmett didn't say anything, but his lips began to tremble. "I — I don't want to be that little lost girl, who cries for her mommy and daddy to come rescue her again. I want to be the girl who makes smart ass comments and blackmails you into doing my chores for me. I — I need you and Jas to call me a brat for manipulating Dad into letting me have my way because I know you won't mean it." Taking a deep breath, I wiped the tears off my face and looked over at Emmett, who was trying his own battle with his emotions. "And I don't want you to be afraid to be who you are, Em."

"Every time I put myself out there, I fuck everything up," he muttered, blinking several time to keep the tears from falling. "I almost lost you, Bell, and it was my fault. All my fault."

"Em?" I gasped. "No!"

"It is," he cried, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth. "I was jerk. I lashed out at you, hurt you because I was scared. Instead of being the brother that you deserved, I thought about myself, how angry I was, or am." Emmett shook his head and looked over at me. "We've always celebrated your birthday in December."

"We still will," Jasper said, pulling our attention back to him. He smiled and shook his head. "I'm tired of it always being us against them. We're a family — all of us. Garrett and Angela — they're hurting, too, but instead of us trying to help each other, we've spend months bickering back and forth." Jasper looked over at me. "You don't have to choose between us and them."

"I know," I whimpered, and for the first time, I really believed what I was saying.

Jasper nodded and looked over at Emmett. "Dude, we both fucked up, but we can't go back to the beginning and change how we reacted. We were angry and we took it out on Bella when we should have been holding her together. Notice I'm saying we here, not you, Em. I'm just as guilty as you are in all of this."

"God, we're pathetic," I muttered. Jasper and Emmett looked at me. "Sitting here, bitching and whining about how unfair all of this is. When we lived in LA, we were strong, but now, we're sitting here completely afraid to get out of the car because on the other side of those walls are people that want us."

"And need us," Emmett murmured. "Like Rose."

"And Alice," Jasper added, smiling. "There were girls in LA that I liked, but Alice . . ."

"Is special," I mumbled, blushing. "She's your Edward, just like Rose is for Emmett."

Jasper nodded. "I love her. She's this little ball of energy that makes me smile. Like really smile."

"And laugh," Emmett whispered. When I looked over at him, I noticed that he was staring out the windshield. Following his line of sight, I saw that he was looking right at Rose, who was standing by the front doors with Alice and Edward. "I mean really laugh. She doesn't think I'm an idiot." Emmett laughed under his breath and turned back to me. "I'm so in love with her, Bella."

My lips trembled. "I know, Em."

"I know you do," he replied. "It's like that with Edward."

"It is," I admitted. "But you know that doesn't mean that I don't need you two, right?"

"We do, Bell," Jasper said, placing his hand on my shoulder.

Relieved, I reached over and grabbed the door handle. "Now that we've had our touchy-feely moment, we'd better get in there before one of them comes charging over here."

Emmett and Jasper laughed, but they knew I was right. We hadn't been prepared to fall in love when we came to Forks, but we had. As had been our routine since I'd broken my leg, Emmett came around to my side of the jeep and lifted me out. Jasper climbed out behind me, handling my crutches and making sure I was steady before releasing me. He kept my backpack as he led Emmett and I up to the front of the school. Edward tilted his head up and smiled when he saw me. I felt my cheeks warm under his loving gaze, reminding me of why I loved him so much. Edward didn't expect me to be anything other than who I was.

"Hey," he murmured, sliding his arm around my waist before leaning in and kissing me, taking my breath away. "You okay? I haven't talked to you since you got home on Friday."

"I'm okay." I smiled, remembering the hours I spent on the phone with Edward when Carlisle and I got home from The Warehouse. He'd listened to babbling on and on, never once interrupting me. "Just needed some time to think."

"I get that," he said, smiling. "But I missed you."

"I missed you, too." I ignored the snicker coming from Jasper when he placed my backpack at Edward's feet. "Fuck off, Jas."

"Don't be a baby, Bella," Jasper teased.

I rolled my eyes, which just caused him to laugh harder. Sliding his hand in with Alice's, Jasper led her into school. I couldn't be irritated with him when it was clear that he was so happy.

"Are you ready?" Edward asked, picking up my bag. "The bell is gonna ring soon."

"Yeah," I said, nodding. Edward and I followed Rose and Emmett into the building and down to our lockers. Garrett and Kate were standing in front his, laughing together. Garrett shifted his eyes from Emmett to me, frowning as he turned and started walking away. I don't know what came over me, but I heard myself screaming, "GARRETT!"

He stopped, but didn't look back at me. It hurt, I won't lie. Tightening my grip on my crutches, I hobbled my way toward him, aware of how everyone was looking at me. Kate turned to me when I stopped behind Garrett. My arm felt like I had cement weights hanging on them as I brought it up and placed my hand on his shoulder. I felt his body shake with his tears, but he didn't say anything.

"I bawled. When my first birthday that I spent with my family came around, I bawled for hours. I wanted Charlie and Renee; I wanted you and Angela even though I didn't know y'all. I didn't want them, Garrett, but they were there. Esme brought me a pile of gifts, and Carlisle insisted that we break open a piñata, but it didn't help. It wasn't until Esme placed a cake in front of me that everything changed. Do you know why, Garrett?"

"No," he muttered, still refusing to look back at me.

"There was a candle in the middle. I sat there watching the flame flickering, tears sliding down my face. Emmett climbed onto the chair with me and grabbed my hand. He said, 'Come on, Isabella, let's make a wish.' I — I leaned up and blew out the candle, and do you know what I wished for?"

"No," he choked out.

I stepped up to him, pressing my body against his. "I wished that Charlie and Renee would find me. Every birthday since, I've made the same wish. And on every birthday, Emmett and Jasper were at my side, holding my hands, and doing everything they could to keep me together. You may not like it, but my birthday is in December and I don't want to spend another one without you. You can choose to be a part of it, or you can decide not to. But I miss you." Hesitating, I whimpered. "And I love you. So much."

Letting my hand fall off his shoulder, I grabbed my crutch and headed to my first class. Garrett had a choice to make — one that I couldn't make for him.

**A/N: First, let me thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it more than you know. Now, I know it's been awhile between updates, and I have a million reasons why. First, I had major writer's block, then I had another short novella due on October 1****st****. Broken Hearts & Dusty Dreams will be released in December as part of Book Four of the Candy Collection, Sugarplum Dreams.**

**Then, I had two pieces due for two different compilations. First was the Fandom for Suicide Awareness. It's a cause that means a ton to me and I had to write for it. I will be posting it on FF starting on Nov 15. It will be a 29 chapter drabble-like fic that will be updated daily. The title is Shadow of a Shattered Life. **

**The other piece was an outtake of Cullen Ballet Academy for the StandUp4Katalina compilation. I will be posting that one on Jan 1.**

**Now, I can't promise that the next update will be soon, but I am going to try. I am doing NaNoWriMo this November and have to get 50K written in 30 days. Since I have another book due on December 1, I figured this would be great motivation.**


	49. Chapter 49

By the time lunch came around, my self-confidence had started to weaken. I'd put myself out on a limb by reaching out to Garrett, and I hoped that it would work. For far too long, I'd been wallowing in a sea of self-pity and it was time for us all to grow up. We were a family — one big family — and it was time for us to begin acting like one.

Like he always was, Edward was waiting for me outside of my history class. My cheeks turned bright pink when he smiled; the boy knew just how to get to me.

"How was class?" Edward asked while the three of us headed toward the cafeteria. As usual, the hallway was nearly empty.

"Boring," I said, while Jasper said, "Fascinating."

I scoffed. "Jas, you're such a nerd."

"Maybe," Jasper said, shrugging his shoulders. "But I find history interesting. I mean, without the past, can we really have a future?"

"Wow, that was . . . deep," I snickered. "My entire world has been changed."

"Whatever," Jasper muttered, scowling. Though, when he looked up and saw Alice waiting for him outside of the cafeteria, he forgot about me and my teasing. Tossing my backpack to Edward, Jasper nearly took off running. He swept her up in his arms and kissed her, causing Alice to squeal. It was sweet, in a nauseating kind of way.

"Break it up, you two," Edward teased as we walked past him. Right on cue, Alice and Jasper both flipped us off, causing the two of us to laugh. Edward led me over to our usual table, which was still empty. I slid into my seat and placed my crutches on the floor. "What do you want for lunch? And don't even think about telling me that you aren't hungry, because I don't believe you."

I smiled. "A slice of pizza and a banana, please. Oh, I'd love a Coke, too."

"Sounds completely unhealthy," he laughed. "And perfect."

Edward returned a few minutes later with a tray full of food, including two chocolate cupcakes with red and green sprinkles on top. He'd just taken the seat next to mine when Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice joined us. While I was happy to see them, my attention was on the people standing right behind them: Garrett, Kate, Ben, and Angela. I could see the war raging in Garrett's tear-filled eyes.

Taking a deep breath, I used my foot and pushed the chair across from me out. "Are you just gonna stand there?"

"Bella," he whimpered.

"Don't worry about it, it's okay," I said.

"No, it's not," he muttered, shaking his head. "I took my anger out on you and I was wrong."

"Yeah, you were," I admitted. "But in case you haven't noticed, you're not exactly the only asshole in the family."

"Hey, I said I was sorry," Emmett muttered.

I laughed. "Not you, Em. I was talking about myself," I said, smiling.

"What?" Garrett asked. "You haven't been an asshole. Damn, Bella, you've been trying, but we've been putting too much onto your shoulders."

Sighing, I shook my head. "Have I really been trying? Instead of accepting you and Angela, I pushed you away. I lashed out at Charlie and Renee, pushed my parents away, and nearly lost myself to my anger. How is that trying?"

"You're right, you've been a major bitch," Angela said, taking one of the empty seats at the table.

While everyone else turned to glare at her, and Ben hissed "Be nice" under his breath, I burst out laughing. Gaping, they snapped their attention back to me. "She's right, but I'm done. I can't — no, I won't — waste any more time being angry because things got hard."

"See told y'all," Angela snickered.

Garrett set his tray down and tentatively sat down in the chair I'd pushed out for him. Closing his eyes for a moment, he opened them and looked over at Emmett. "I'm sorry. I know you didn't mean anything, but it felt like you were rubbing it in that I've missed her life." Garrett looked back at me. "I hate that I wasn't there to celebrate each of those birthdays with you. I made the same wish on my birthday, you know."

"You did?" I asked, shakily. "When is your birthday?"

"April," he replied. "The fifteenth. Birthday's aren't the big deal in our house anymore."

"Because of me?" I wondered.

"Yes," Angela said, bluntly. "Well, not you-you, but the ghost of the Isabella. Truthfully, it got old. I hated that I couldn't have a cake or ice cream without Isabella being mentioned."

I frowned, feeling guilty.

"Damn it, I didn't mean it like that," Angela huffed. "It's just . . . God, this is gonna sound really bitchy, but I didn't want to share my birthday with you. I wanted one day where I was the most important person in the family."

"Like that could happen," Garrett scoffed, winking at her. "Everyone knows that I'm the star."

"Whatever, bro," Angela laughed.

"All I ever wanted was a birthday where I didn't have to guess how old I was," I mumbled.

"Well, you'll have that this year, right?" Angela asked. "I mean, you know that you'll be seventeen, right?"

I nodded. "I do, but it won't mean anything if all of you aren't there with us. Garrett, Angela — I know it's not gonna be easy, but I want all of my brothers, and my sister with me. Please?" I whimpered.

"Gah, you're so needy," Angela cried. I laughed through my tears. "Like I would miss my big sisters birthday."

"Em, Jas — are you both okay with us being there?" Garrett asked, shifting his eyes over to them. "We wouldn't want to intrude or anything."

"Dude," Emmett said, looking up at him, "she said she wants all of our brothers there. That includes you. And the brat can come, too," he added, nodding toward Angela, who promptly flipped him the middle finger. "Look, it wouldn't be a family party without everyone there. We've spent enough time fighting over her; it's time we get over ourselves."

"Wow, Emmett almost sounds…logical," Jasper grumbled. "Not sure I like it."

We all laughed, including Emmett. "Yeah, it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"Okay, enough of this shit," I said. "Everything that's happened over the last few weeks is now in the past. Got it?"

"You're bossy," Garrett laughed.

"No kidding," Emmett agreed. "She's always been like this, too. Pisses me off."

"Like when we were nine and our dad said that if we all made the 'A' honor roll, he would take us to the beach for the day," Jasper said. "For three weeks, Bella made us study geology around the clock until finally we locked her in the closest."

Everyone laughed, except me. I leaned up and placed my chin in my palm. "Yeah, but while you two were grounded, Dad took me to the beach and bought me ice cream. Some would call that a victory for me."

Jasper shook his head and leaned toward me. "You would think so, wouldn't you? But what you don't know is that while Dad took you to the beach, Mom made us her famous double, fudge brownies and let us play video games all day."

I gasped. "How could she!"

"Oh, Bella," Emmett laughed. "You may know how to manipulate Dad into giving you want you want, but we have Mom wrapped around our little fingers."

"Not after I tell her," I teased, and pulled out my cell phone. In a heartbeat, Emmett and Jasper were out of their seats and behind me. Emmett pulled me out of my chair, being careful with my leg, while Jasper was wrestling my phone from my hand. "Stop, you fucking thieves!"

"Give it up, Bells," Jasper ordered, trying to pry my fingers up. "Come on, don't make me play dirty."

Around us, I could hear Rose and Alice cheering Emmett and Jasper on, while Angela, Kate, Garrett, and Edward were on my side. Ben just seemed content to watch.

"Never!" I laughed, trying to pull my hand away from Jasper's. "Okay, I give! I won't call her."

"Promise?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, I promise," I groused. Satisfied that I would keep my word, Emmett set me back in my chair. "You fuckers are mean. You could have hurt me."

"Aw, poor little Bella, can't take it when we fight back," Jasper snickered as the bell rang ending lunch. He pointed at me. "You promised and if you break your promise you know what we will do to you."

"Yeah, yeah; whatever," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

Still laughing at me, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Alice, Ben, and Angela walked out of the cafeteria. Edward tried to keep the amusement off of his face as he reached for my backpack, but failed. I couldn't have been mad at him, even if I wanted to. However, before Edward could grab it, Garrett picked it up. I looked up at him, finding him smiling at me.

"I've got this," he said.

Nodding, I replied, "Okay, thanks."

"I'll see you in gym, Bella," Kate chirped, looking happier than I'd seen her in a long time. She nearly skipped out of the cafeteria. Garrett, Edward, and I slowly made our way down to our biology class and took our usual seats.

—AFTS—

Once school was over, Edward and I made our way to our lockers with Garrett and Kate, both of whom looked happier than they had in weeks. It was only then that I realized that while I'd been hurting, so had they. I'd just been too wrapped up in myself to notice.

"We'll see you tomorrow," Kate said, waving to me and Edward.

"Bye," I murmured. Garrett slipped his arm around her waist as they headed out. Charlie came around the corner just as they did. I don't know what they said to each other, but Charlie looked over Garrett's shoulder at me and smiled. "I can trust him, right?"

"Charlie?" Edward asked and I nodded. "Yeah, you can trust him."

Tears filled my eyes as I watched Charlie and Garrett interacting. Charlie placed his hand on Garrett's shoulder and smiled again before turning and walking back the other way.

"You should go talk to him," Edward whispered. I looked up at him fearfully.

"I should?" I whimpered. Edward nodded. "You need to talk to him. Garrett and Angela aren't the only Swans that are a part of your family, baby."

Pulling my button lip between my teeth, I took a deep breath. "Will — will you wait here for me?"

"I'm not leaving you, Bella Cullen. Not now, not ever." Edward leaned down and kissed me. "I promise."

I'm not sure how I managed to get the strength or courage to walk down the hallway, but before I knew it, I was standing in the doorway to Charlie's classroom. He had his back to me while he erased the facts he had on his whiteboard.

"C — Charlie," I stammered. He paused in mid-wipe and looked over his shoulder at me.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked, letting the eraser fall from his hand.

"I'm fine," I said. "Can I sit?"

"Of course," he mumbled, gesturing to one of the desks. I hobbled over and slid into one of them. "How much longer will you be on crutches?"

"Um, a few more weeks at least," I murmured. "Depends on how the x-rays look, but if I am lucky, I might start the New Year without them."

"Here's hoping," he chuckled, sitting on the edge of his desk. We fell into an awkward silence. After several moments, Charlie cleared his throat. "So, um, your classes are good?"

"Yeah, they're good, I guess." I smiled. "Kind of boring, actually."

Charlie laughed. "Between me and you, but I find them boring, too."

"You do?" I asked.

He nodded. "Sometimes, I feel like I am gonna fall asleep while I am talking."

"I thought you liked being a teacher?"

"I do most of the time, but sometimes, it seems like the day just run together. I guess that doesn't make much sense."

"No, it does," I said. "Kind of feel like that lately."

Charlie frowned. "Yeah, I suppose you have."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately," I started, pulling his attention back over to me. "My life would have been easier if I could hate you the way I did three months ago. I don't say that to hurt you, but it's the truth. Hating you made it easier to put the blame on your shoulders for not finding me. But now, I know that I was wrong for blaming you, for wanting to hate you. You and Renee — you're just as much of a victim in all of this as I am. And there comes a time when I'll have to put my anger aside and accept that you're part of my life."

Charlie released a deep breath. "So, what you're saying is that you want us in your life?"

I nodded. "Yes. I'm trying here, and I can't promise that I can be your . . . daughter, but I'd like to try to be something to you at least."

Charlie stood up and placed his hands on his hips. "We can't stop looking at you and seeing our daughter, Bella, it doesn't work that way — not for us. But, we're not asking you to be Isabella; we're just asking to get to know who you are now. Just give us a chance to know you."

"I'm trying," I murmured. "Maybe we can start with lunch this weekend or something. Not dinner like we did last time, that was a mess, but maybe something."

"Lunch sounds perfect." Charlie smiled. "Renee will be swamped at the coffee shop because of the holiday rush and everything, but I'm sure she can find an hour or two on Saturday."

"I don't want to get in the way," I mumbled.

"You won't," he assured me. "Let me talk it over with her and I'll let you know tomorrow at school? Does that sound okay?"

This time I smiled. "Yeah, sure. Um, I'd better go. Edward's waiting for me, and . . ."

"Be careful, okay? Don't fall and hurt leg, or anything," he mumbled.

"Oh, Charlie, that's like asking me not to breath," I snickered as I stood up. "Me and gracefulness don't really go together, remember?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "But one can hope for changing in the tides."

"There's always hope."

—AFTS—

There comes a moment when you have to allow the person you love the most to see your most private thoughts. For me, that person was Edward and my most private thoughts came in the form of my music book. For years, my music books had been the only place where I could honesty discuss how I felt. But now, I knew that if I was going to move on with my life, I had to let people in and Edward was the first person I wanted to share my music book with.

Edward had been waiting for me in front of my locker, just like I'd asked him to. The look on his face when he saw me had my skin tingling. He always knew just how to make everything feel better, which is why I knew I could trust him with my book. Edward understood me better than I did myself. Once he'd made sure I was really okay, he and I headed out to his car. I was surprised that Emmett and Jasper would allow him to drive me home, but maybe they finally understood just how much I needed Edward.

Parking in front of my house, Edward climbed out, grabbed my crutches, and opened the car door for me. However, the cast on his arm prevented him from being able to help me out of the car, but I managed on my own — without falling on my face. Keeping his hand on the small of my back, Edward walked me up to the front door and set my backpack at my feet. Taking a deep breath, I dug inside my bag and pulled out my music book.

"You once asked me when you could look inside here," I started. "I wasn't ready then, but I am now."

"Bella, you don't have to let me read these," Edward fretted.

"I know," I murmured. "And I won't lie and say that I'm not terrified that when you read some of my songs that you won't get freaked out, but I've come to realize that if I am going to trust you, I have to bear my soul to you and this is the only way I can right now. So, please, take it and read it."

"Are you sure?" he asked, lifting his eyes to mine. "Nothing you wrote in there is going to change how much I love you."

"I know that, and yes, I'm sure," I whispered. "I trust you, Edward, with every part of me."

"I love you," he murmured, leaning in and kissing me. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," I breathed.

**Thank you for all the reviews. I'm thinking there are around 5-6 more chapters before this story is complete. It may be awhile before the next update, but I promise not to give up on this story. NaNoWriMo starts on Thursday!**


	50. Chapter 50

Two days had passed since I had given Edward my music book and he hadn't said a word about it. I knew he'd been reading it; he carried it around with him at school and sometimes during our classes, I would see him run his finger down the spine. I wanted to beg him to tell me what he thought already, but at the same time, I was terrified of what he'd say. So, instead, I kept my mouth shut, and let my nerves run rampant inside of me.

Looking over at the clock on Friday afternoon, I sighed. Lunch was almost over which meant time for me to go see Marcus. There was so much I needed to tell him, yet I found myself struggling with the courage to do so. Would he be able to see the changes in me? Had I really changed or was I merely wearing a mask? I didn't know the answers to either of those questions; I so wish I did.

"You have to go now," Edward said, bringing my hand up to his lips.

Smiling, I felt my cheeks warm and looked over at him. "I do."

"I'm gonna miss you," he whispered, ignoring the way Emmett, Jasper, Garrett, and Angela made gagging noises. They were teasing, and we both knew it, though Edward and I released each other's hand and flipped them off, earning a round of laughter coming from the people sitting around us.

"I'll miss you, too." I laughed. "I just won't miss them."

"Ah, Bella," Garrett snickered, "you know you're gonna miss us, especially me."

"Whatever, dude," I scoffed, grabbing my crutches and pulling myself up. "Have fun in bio. Hope you studied for that test."

Garrett and Edward groaned, causing me to laugh. Placing his hand on my back, Edward followed me out of the cafeteria and to the front doors of the school. Like he always did, Edward brought his hands up to my face and placed a sweet, simple kiss on my lips. My heart raced and I felt like my skin was going to explode from the heat that crept up my cheeks.

"I love you, Bella Cullen," he murmured.

"I love you, too, Edward Masen," I whispered, and for a moment, I felt so overwhelmed that I struggled to breathe. "I'll call you later, okay?"

"You'd better." He smirked before kissing me again. Edward held the door open for me. The cool air stung my overheated cheeks, but I didn't mind. I needed the chance to cool down.

Carlisle was standing next to his car, holding a black umbrella over him in an effort to keep the rain from falling on him, and a smile on his face. Shifting his eyes from me to Edward, he sighed, but I knew he liked my boyfriend, even if it was hard for him to accept that his only daughter had fallen in love. Daddies could be so protective sometimes.

"Hey, sweetheart," Carlisle said, opening the door for me. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I ever am," I murmured, carefully climbing into the car. Carlisle placed my crutches in the backseat and rushed around to the driver's side, climbing in behind the wheel. Looking back at the school, I saw Edward still standing there, still watching me, and still holding me away from the dangerous edge I'd been balancing on for months.

—AFTS—

An hour later, Carlisle and I found ourselves back outside the now familiar red-brick building. Slowly, we made our way inside, greeting Janine, and taking our seats to wait for Marcus. I felt tense and antsy, but unlike the times before when I'd found myself sitting in the brown, leather chairs, I wasn't afraid of what was going to happen when I walked through his door. For the first time since I'd started seeing Marcus, I felt hope.

"Bella." At the sound of my name, I looked over and found Marcus standing in the doorway again. This time, he was wearing a pair of black cotton shorts and a red T-shirt with the Nike logo on it. "Come on in."

Exhaling, I stood up and hobbled past him, automatically looking over at where Miranda's paintings always hung. As I had hoped, there was a new one. Walking over, I stood in front of it. Much like the one she'd done the week before, this one had a lot of vibrant colors: bright orange, shocking red, and electric green. However, unlike how the other painting had been more abstract, this one felt like a portrait — one of a girl with dark brown hair and sad eyes.

"It's me, isn't it?" I asked, knowing that Marcus was watching me.

"Yes." He stepped up beside me and folded his arms in front of his chest. "What do you see?"

I swallowed thickly. "Pain, loneliness, and," I closed my eyes, "fear."

"Fear of what?" Marcus turned toward me. "What are you really afraid of, Bella?"

"O — of n — not seeing the sun again," I stammered, bringing my hand up to my chest. "Of never being able to stop the man in my nightmares." I looked over at Marcus. "Of dying and never knowing who I am."

Marcus nodded and gestured for me to take a seat. I chose the couch, propping my leg up on the cushion and waiting for him to say something, anything. But for several minutes, he just sat there in his red chair and watched me with his hands folded across his lap. Finally, he smiled and leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees.

"Admitting that you're afraid is good, Bella, but knowing what scares you is even better." He smiled. "Tell me about The Warehouse."

"You already know about The Warehouse. You were the one who sent me and Carlisle there," I pointed out.

Marcus laughed. "I know about my experience at The Warehouse. I want to hear about yours."

I sighed. "Um, I'm not sure where to start."

"Why'd you go inside?" he asked.

"Because I had nothing else to lose," I admitted.

"Explain."

"Um, okay." Sitting a little straighter, I tried to organize my thoughts. "Before we moved to Forks, I thought I was doing okay. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about the people who left me in front of the hospital, or wonder what I'd done to make them leave me there. But I had my music, and my family, so I was able to put on a brave face and function. Then, we moved to Forks, and it rained all the damn time and people stared. Even before I found out about Charlie and Rene, people stared at me."

Pausing, I felt my face heat up, causing Marcus to lift an eyebrow. "The night before the police took us to the station, before everything started falling apart; Edward and I had come here to Port Angeles with my brothers, Rose, and Alice. We were watching some stupid movie, but I couldn't concentrate on it because I could feel Edward watching me. When the movie was over," I cried, "I ran out of the theater, feeling like my heart was going to burst through my chest. Edward came up to me, and he placed his hands on the side of my face and he kissed me."

"How'd that make you feel?" Marcus asked, speaking very softly.

"Like someone had finally found me," I whispered through my tears. "He saw me — the real me, and he loves me, he accepts me for who I am. He never asks for more than I can give him, he never stops pulling me away from the edge."

Marcus shifted his eyes over to Miranda's painting for a moment, before he turned back to me and nodded. "I can understand that."

Wiping the tears off my face, I frowned. "I don't want my anger to cost me the one person who's never pushed for more than I can give."

I shuddered at the thought of losing Edward.

"Tell me what you felt when you went inside of The Warehouse?" Marcus asked, diverting the subject.

"I, um, I was terrified at what we were getting ourselves into. All I could see was the darkness, and it was suffocating."

"Why'd you keep going?"

"Because going back wasn't going to help," I murmured. "Alysse led us into The Warehouse and it was so amazing inside of there. So many different ways of expressing everything." I shook my head. "I don't know; it felt safe."

"It is safe." Looking up at Marcus, I saw him smiling. "Do you know why I sent you there?"

"So I'd sing?"

Marcus shook his head. "As much as Miranda wants to hear your voice, no. I sent you there, Bella, because you needed to know that you're not alone, that there are others out there who have felt, or still feel, just as lost and alone as you do."

"She told me her story," I said. "Miranda, she . . . I don't know how to explain her."

Marcus laughed. "She gets that reaction from people a lot." He shifted his eyes up to mine. "Are you gonna go back there?"

"I don't know," I replied, honestly. "I felt safe there, but I don't want to hide anymore."

"What do you mean hide?"

Biting on my bottom lip, I once again tried to organize my thoughts. "You know how I told you that I started writing my own music because it gave me something to escape into?"

Marcus nodded and said, "Yes."

"Okay, well, I've been doing a lot of thinking about why it's been so hard for me to write my music anymore, and I think it's because I don't want to hide anymore. When I found myself becoming overwhelmed with life or whatever, I turned to my music. Now, I have to face the things that scare me, right?"

Marcus smiled and replied, "Yes."

"So, how can I go to The Warehouse again? Won't it just be one more place where I hide?"

Leaning back in his chair, Marcus placed his hands on his stomach. "No." But when I huffed, he added, "The Warehouse is simply a safe place to let your anger out through your music. It's why it's there, that's why Miranda is there, why Alysse, and every other person go there. Because they need somewhere safe. It's not hiding, it's comfort; there's a difference."

"How am I supposed to know the difference?" I groused.

"Time," he said and I rolled my eyes, sighing. "Sorry, honey, but it's time. Bella, nobody expects you to suddenly have your shit together."

"Are you sure about that?" I asked.

"Yes, I am sure about that," he laughed. "Don't tell you mom I said shit, by the way. She has a serious problem with curse words."

"I know," I giggled.

Marcus leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees again. "Bella, you've made incredible progress. You should be proud of yourself."

I smiled. "I am. I just don't want to be that angry girl anymore."

"Good. Hold onto that and you'll be okay."

"I hope so," I whispered.

—AFTS—

Carlisle didn't say much as we drove back to Forks. He seemed to be distracted, and every time I asked him what he was thinking, he's plant a smile on his lips and told me that he was thinking about Esme or work — whatever excuse worked at the moment. I knew my father and there was something weighing heavily on his mind, but he wouldn't tell me. Perhaps I got my inability to share my feelings from him.

I expected Carlisle to take me home once we past the Forks City Limit sign, but he didn't. Instead, he drove me through the city. A few minutes later, he pulled up behind the same abandoned building that Edward had brought me to the night of our first date.

"Dad, what are we doing here?" I asked, looking out the window.

"It's not easy," he said, pulling my attention back to him. Carlisle was looking out the front windshield, but I could see the tears swimming in his eyes, the wobble of his chin, and the trembling of his lips.

"What's not easy?" I whispered, almost afraid of what he was going to say.

Carlisle smiled and looked over at me. "Letting you grow up, watching as that boy captures your heart, as he loves you."

"Daddy," I cried.

"He does," Carlisle whimpered. "I see it every time he looks at you, sweetheart. And I know that you love him, too. Need him. I don't like it, but I know you need him."

"I need you, too," I sobbed, reaching out and grabbing his hand.

"I know," he soothed. "He's waiting for you."

"Where?" I asked, looking around.

Carlisle smiled. "He said you'd know." Biting my lip, I looked up at the building. "He said you'd know which way to go once you went inside."

Shifting my eyes back at Carlisle, I grinned. "Thanks, Daddy."

He nodded, before climbing out of the car and helping me with my crutches. Leaning forward, Carlisle kissed my forehead. "Be careful."

"I will." Taking a deep breath, I went inside.

The building was dark, only the light coming from well-spaced lanterns showing me the way to go. Taking a left, I hobbled down the hallway, finding myself coming face to face with an elevator. I should have been scared, but I wasn't. Carlisle wouldn't have let me go if he didn't know that Edward would keep me safe — this much I knew.

Once inside the elevator, I found a note taped above the buttons with an arrow pointing down to the top floor. Smiling, I pressed it and waited for what I'd find when the doors opened again. When they did, I found more lanterns leading to the right. Tightening the grip on my crutches, I hobbled out, doing my best to keep from trembling.

Turning to the left, I gasped when I saw Edward standing at the end of the hallway, in front of the large, iron door that led to the roof. I started to speak, but Edward put his hand up and simply said, "Come with me."

I couldn't have denied him if I wanted to. Edward owned my heart and soul. I'd follow him anywhere. Pushing the door open, Edward waited for me to walk past him. When I did, I heard myself gasping again. Once again, the roof had been transformed into a private little getaway. The fire pit had been lit, providing warmth and the twinkling lights had been strung up again. The only difference was that this time instead of a table with food on it, there was small piano in the middle. Letting the door close behind us, Edward led me over to the piano, motioning for me to sit next to him. It was only then that I saw my music book lying on top of the piano.

However, before I could question him, Edward said, "You shared something very personal with me. I — I only feel it right that I do the same."

Placing his fingers on the keys, Edward closed his eyes and began to play. The sweet, soft melody seeped into my soul, brining tears to my eyes. There were so many emotions in the notes: anger, frustrations, fear, but mostly love.

I could picture him as a little boy, struggling to understand why suddenly his sister wasn't there, why he felt lost and empty on the inside. I could see him standing in the doorway of his parents' bedroom and watching his mother screaming and cursing God for taking Elliana away, for leaving her alive. I could see him trying to understand how to live each day, knowing that she wouldn't.

By the time, he finished, he was panting and I was sobbing. He'd opened so much more of himself to me, showing me that I wasn't the only one who struggled to understand the whys and the hows.

"Your words," he whispered, picking up my music book. "They're incredible, Bella. So raw and real. There is so much of you inside of these pages, so much that nobody has ever really seen. Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it was hard for you."

"You don't hate me now?" I asked, looking up at him.

Edward smiled and brought his hand up to my cheek. "I could never hate you, Bella Cullen. Never."

"Edward," I whimpered.

Leaning toward me, Edward slipped his arm around my waist, and cradled me against him. "Once day, you'll see that I can't not love you." The intensity in his eyes had my skin warming. "I'm gonna kiss you now, Bella Cullen."

"I'll always let you, Edward Masen."

The words had barely trickled between my lips before I felt his on me. This kiss wasn't like any that we'd ever shared before. This amazing and breathtaking kiss had my toes curling and insides quivering. This kiss had me falling in love with him all over again.

**Thank you for all the reviews. My goal is to get this story completed by the end of next week, which means daily updates if I can get the chapters written. Five more to go!**


	51. Chapter 51

When I woke up the next morning, I smiled. Edward and I had spent hours on the roof, just being together, enjoying the comfort of each other's arms, and the softness of the others lips. We talked, we laughed, we were happy. When I came home, I found Carlisle and Esme sitting in the living room, a fire roaring in the fireplace and a glass of wine in their hands. They'd put the Christmas tree up and were just sitting there, staring at it. Like Edward and I, they needed to reconnect, to remember when they'd fallen in love. Maybe that's why Carlisle could bring himself to help Edward surprise me. He loved my mother the way I loved Edward — with every ounce of his heart and soul.

It wasn't until I heard someone stop just outside of my door that I looked over at the clock, shocked when I saw that it was after ten. For weeks, I'd been dragging myself out of bed before the dawn, struggling through one nightmare after another; yet last night I had fallen into bed and slept peacefully.

"Bella, sweetie, can I come in?" Esme asked through the door.

"Yeah, Mom," I answered, pushing myself up and leaning against my pillows as she opened the door, smiling.

"You're still in bed." It wasn't a question, but I found myself nodding anyway. Her grin grew larger as she walked over to my bed, sitting on the edge. "Your father told me about what Edward did for you last night."

My cheeks turned a rosy red at just the thought of Edward. "It was . . ." I giggled and shook my head. "Just when I thought I couldn't love him more, he surprises me like that."

"Oh, you have it bad," she teased, leaning over my legs and shifting her body toward me.

"I really do," I sighed. "It scares me."

"Why does it scare you?" Esme asked.

"Because it's so intense," I murmured. "He gets me in a way that nobody ever has. Like, he really sees me. I feel vulnerable when I'm with him. Mom, I fall in love with him a little more every day. Is that normal?"

Esme smiled and took a deep breath. "Yes, sweetheart. I still feel like that with Dad. It's not always a grand gesture, like Edward did, either. Sometimes, it's just the way our eyes meet across the dinner table, or even the way he touches me when we're in bed."

"Eww," I whined. "Mom! That's gross!"

Esme laughed and stood up. "Just my revenge for having to hear your potty mouth all the time. I saved you some breakfast so come eat."

Grumbling under my breath, I allowed her to help me out of bed and took my crutches from her. Esme laughed even more as she led me down the hallway and into the kitchen, where we found Carlisle reading the paper and sipping on a cup of coffee. As if to articulate her point, Esme looked over her shoulder at me and nodded her head toward my father, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Mom!" I groused. "Stop it!"

"Sit down," she snickered.

"What's she doing?" Carlisle asked, leaning toward me. But before I could answer, he shifted his eyes over my shoulder and gave her the once over.

"Ugh, I don't want to eat now," I muttered.

"What'd I do?" Carlisle turned his attention from me to Esme and back.

"Nothing, dear," Esme chirped, smirking as she placed a plate with two waffles and some bacon in front of me. Sliding into her usual seat at the end of the table, Esme motioned toward my food. "Come on, sweetheart; better eat while it's still warm."

"You're really mean, Mom," I mumbled, picking up my fork and cutting into my waffles.

"What am I missing?" Carlisle exclaimed throwing his arm in the air.

"Just your wife trying to traumatize me," I quipped, looking over at him. "And you don't help, you know?"

"No, I don't know," he laughed, shaking his head. "How do I not help?"

"You look at her and . . . stuff," I hissed.

Carlisle seemed even more confused as he turned to Esme. "Do I want to know?"

"No," Esme giggled. "Just know that you're helping me torture our daughter."

"Well, as long as I helped." Carlisle shrugged his shoulders and went back to his newspaper.

I gaped at him, shocked that he'd just accept his role in my torture so easily. Esme laughed, pulling my attention back to her. With a wink and a nod toward my plate, she stood up and started cleaning up the kitchen.

"Traitors," I muttered. "You're both traitors."

I managed to get about three-fourths of my food before I got full. Glaring at both of my parents, I hobbled into the living room, joining Emmett and Jasper on the couch and tried to get the picture of my father checking my mother out of my head by watching cartoons.

—AFTS—

Just after two that afternoon, I walked out onto the porch and waited while Charlie, Garrett, and Angela climbed out of their SUV and came up to me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified about attempting to have lunch with them; the last time we tried to be family, I had a major breakdown. But as when I went to The Warehouse, there was no going backward — not anymore.

"Hey, are you about ready?" Charlie asked, and I could tell that he was trying to keep the excitement out of his voice. Trying, but failing miserably.

Nodding, I murmured, "Yep." Reaching out for me, I could tell that Charlie wasn't sure if I needed help or if he should just back off. "Just don't let me fall."

Charlie snapped his eyes up to mine and said, "I'll never let you fall," with so much sincerity, it almost brought me to my knees.

"Okay," I whispered.

Slowly, with him on one side and Garrett on the other, I managed to make it down the front steps and along the pathway to Charlie's car. He opened the passenger door and I looked back at Garrett or Angela, expecting one of them to take it.

"Mom threatened to kick our butts if we didn't let you ride in the front," Angela stated, shrugging her shoulders. "It's best just to do as she says. She has this way of finding out the truth if you don't."

"Oh, okay," I laughed, hobbling over and sliding into the front, placing my crutches next to me. Charlie shut the door behind me and ran around to the driver's side while Garrett and Angela climbed into the backseat. As Charlie started the car, I looked back at me house and saw Emmett watching from the living room window. He smiled and placed his hand on the glass.

A few minutes of chitchat later, Charlie parked in front of Renee's coffee shop and cut the engine. He came around to help me out, which I was thankful for seeing as his SUV set up higher off the ground than Carlisle's Mercedes. When we walked into the coffee shop, I was surprised to find it completely empty. Renee was sitting at the counter and smiled when she looked over at us.

"Hey, guys," she cheered.

"Um, where the hell is everyone?" I blurted out, knowing full well that on a Saturday afternoon, three weeks before Christmas that her shop should have been filled with customers.

"Oh, well, I closed it down for the afternoon," she replied like it no big deal. All I could do was stare at her. She'd done that for me, to make this easier for me. Her smile dropped. "Was that the wrong thing for me to do?"

"Yes," I scoffed. "Renee, I appreciate the gesture, I really do, but you can't hide me away from the world."

"I — I'm not," she insisted. "I just wanted to make this easier on you. After the way last time went, I guess I thought that maybe this would be calmer, less traumatic."

"Thank you for that, but . . ." I paused, trying to find the right words. "I don't know how to say this without it sounding bitchy, but I need normal and this isn't normal."

Renee nodded and closed her eyes. "Okay, I get that."

"I'm not saying that you're a freak or anything," I said, quickly. "Just that I'm trying to get my life back on track and I need you to treat me like you would Garrett or Angela."

"No, you don't," Angela scoffed, walking past me. "She makes us clean our rooms like every freaking day."

"Yep," Garrett agreed. "Plus, and not that I'm complaining or anything, Mom, but she makes us wash dishes, too. She's a real slave driver."

"Oh, you two poor, mistreated children," Renee laughed, rolling her eyes at them. "Don't listen to them, Bella. I practically wait on them hand and foot."

"Well, now I know you're lying," I snickered.

"Oh, and just how do you know that?" She smirked.

"Because you're a mom, and a good one at that. You'd never let them get away with that shit, I mean crap. Sorry."

"Yeah, well, you got your potty mouth from Charlie," she replied, dryly.

"What?" he exclaimed, feigning hurt. "I would never use such vulgar language."

"Whatever," Renee, Garrett, and Angela scoffed.

Renee laughed and looked over at me. "Okay, next time, I won't go to such extremes. But since I can't change it now, and lord knows I could use a break, how about we sit down and have some lunch. I've been up since five trying to get everything set up and I'm starving."

"What are we having?" I asked, following them over to one of the larger tables.

"Well," Renee said, suddenly looking nervous. "You used to like my chicken spaghetti, so I made it. If you don't like it, I can make some sandwiches or, I don't know, Charlie can go get us a burger."

"Thanks for volunteering me," Charlie huffed.

I laughed. "The chicken spaghetti will be fine. I haven't had it in a long time, but I'm willing to give it a try."

"Super," she chirped, before rushing into the kitchen. Charlie laughed and followed.

"Are you okay?" Garrett whispered, looking over his shoulder to make sure Charlie and Renee couldn't hear us. "This isn't too much, is it? Because I will get you out of here now."

I smiled, touched by his gesture. "No. I mean, closing down the shop is a little too much, I but I get it. It's fine."

"Yeah, well, at least this saves us from having to help," Angela muttered. "Normally, she'd make us come in and help with the crowd." Looking over her shoulder first, Angela turned back to me. "I love the woman, but she gets a little bat-shit crazy with crowds."

"Angela Siobhan Swan," Renee jibed, causing to Angela to cringe, "language. Seriously, it's not that hard to find a more appropriate word."

"You didn't yell at her when she cussed," Angela grumbled gesturing to me.

Renee smiled and turned to me. "Bella, don't cuss. Better, Ang?"

"No," Angela laughed, "but thanks for trying, Mom."

"Eh, I do what I can." Renee shrugged her shoulders before placing the chicken spaghetti in the middle of the table and taking her seat. Charlie placed a salad and a basket of garlic bread next to it and took the empty chair next to Renee.

"What's my middle name?" I asked as Renee reached for my plate.

Smiling, she leaned back in her seat. "Marie, after my mother. Garrett's is Mitchell, because it was my maiden name, and Angela's is Siobhan after my grandmother, who had the same hauntingly beautiful as she does."

"Isabella Marie," I whispered to myself. "It has a nice ring to it."

"I wanted to name you Jane, but Renee axed it," Charlie grumbled.

"Ugh, thank you, Renee," I laughed.

"You're welcome. Between you and me, Jane sounds like a stick in the mud."

"Yeah, it does," I agreed. "But I like Marie."

"Good." Renee sighed and reached for my plate. "Now, be honest with me. If you don't like it, Charlie would be more than happy to go get you a cheeseburger."

"Again with the volunteering of my services!" Charlie exclaimed, leaning back in his chair. "Woman, I am not your slave."

"Oh, yeah, you are," Renee snickered, scooping a large helping onto my plate.

Sighing, Charlie's head fell forward in defeat. "I am. I can't help it, though. You have me under a spell, baby."

"Dad!" Garrett and Angela yelled, covering their ears.

However, I laughed. "Y'all are just too much."

"They're gross," Angela muttered, adding some salad to her plate.

Once I'd gotten some salad and bread of my own, I scooped up a fork full of the chicken spaghetti, and with Renee's watchful eyes on me, I took a bite. It was good, though not very seasoned. Shifting my attention up to hers, I smiled and said, "I love it."

"Oh, thank God," Charlie said, pretending to swipe the sweat from his forehead. "I did not want to have to go get us burgers."

"Glad I could help," I snickered, and took another bite.

While we ate, I mostly sat there and listened to them tease and taunt each other. Unlike the last time we'd sat down to enjoy a meal together, I didn't find myself feeling like an outsider. I felt like a part of their family, like I belonged with them. I didn't hate the feeling.

Once we were done, Renee smirked and looked over at Garrett and Angela, saying one word: "Dishes."

They groaned, but stood up and started clearing the table. I would have helped, but with my leg, I couldn't do much. Renee waited until Garrett and Angela were in the kitchen before she started laughing.

"That should teach them about whining," she giggled.

"You're a cruel, cruel woman, Ren," Charlie laughed.

"Will you come celebrate my birthday with us?" I heard myself asking before I realized the words were trickling out of my mouth. From the kitchen, I heard what sounded like the dishes being thrown into the sink just moments before Angela and Garrett came running out, both of them with looks of fear on their faces. Shifting in my seat, I blinked back my tears. "I — I know it's a lot to ask, and I don't know really what we're planning to do yet, but I'd like you'd to be there, with the rest of my family."

Renee brought her hand up to her lips and nodded. "We'd love to," she cried.

Charlie wrapped his arm around Renee, nestling her against his chest. "Gar, Ang, why don't you two take Bella home," Charlie said, smiling. "I'll do the dishes for you."

"Yeah, okay," Garrett replied, quickly.

"Best deal I've heard all day," Angela added, though her normal snarky tone wasn't there.

Unsure of what to say, I stood up, grabbed my crutches, and followed Garrett and Angela out to Charlie's SUV. Without a word, we climbed in and Garrett drove me back to my house, pulling up out front. However, before I could open the door, he reached out and grabbed my hand, causing me to look back at him.

"Why'd you ask them?" And I knew he was talking about my birthday.

Sighing, I slipped my hand from under his. "Because we can't go backward, only forward. I meant what I said, Garrett; I want my family there. Even though it scares the fuck out of me, Charlie and Renee are a part of me. Can you understand what I mean?"

"I do," he said, softly. "Thank you for asking them. They won't say it because they won't want you to feel guilty, but it means a lot to them."

Nodding, I bit my lip. "To me, too."

Garrett climbed out and ran around to help me, while Angela held my crutches. Careful of the wet ground, the three of us made our way up the porch. I opened the front door and had just told them goodbye when I heard a loud noise followed by Emmett yelling, "Hey wait!"

A moment later, he was standing in the doorway. Shifting his eyes over to me first, he turned to Garrett and Angela. "Jas, Rose, Alice, and I were thinking about having a movie night tonight. You know, just some scary flicks, popcorn, maybe too much soda," Emmett rambled. I elbowed him in the gut so he'd get to the point. "Anyway, Jasper and I were wondering if you'd like to join us. Maybe call Kate and Ben, or whatever." Emmett looked over at me. "I already called Edward and he's on his way."

"Thanks, Em," I said, softly before turning to Garrett and Angela. "So, are you staying?"

Garrett shifted his eyes over to Angela, who tried to be discreet when she nodded her head. Turning back to me and Emmett, Garrett replied, "Sounds like fun."

—AFTS—

A few hours later, the eight of us were sprawled out in the living room. The sun had already set and we hadn't turned on any lights, leaving only the glow of the Christmas tree that sat in front of the large, picture window. Edward and I were on one couch, due to my leg and his arm. Though, he had his good arm wrapped around me. Every once in a while he'd lean in and kiss the side of my neck, causing me to blush and him to chuckle under his breath. The boy was teasing me to death.

Jasper and Alice were snuggled up together in the armchair, though neither of them was paying attention to the movie at all. They were so lost in each other, it almost made me sick. Emmett and Rose were on the floor, her leaning against the other couch with Emmett lying with his head in her lap. She was running her fingers through his hair and I saw him smiling. Yeah, he had it bad.

On the sofa behind them were Garrett and Kate. She was sitting in his lap and he had his arms wrapped around her waist, laughing every time she turned away from the movie. They were so cute together. Ben and Angela were lying on the floor in front of the television. Though, they were both on their backs, I saw that he was holding her hand.

"I hope none of you are doing anything you wouldn't want me to see," Carlisle laughed as he came downstairs. Suddenly, Jasper and Alice were very interested in the movie and a little less interested in what each other's lips felt like. Carlisle stopped before going into the kitchen and cast a heavy eye on all of us, lingering on Edward longer than anyone. Smirking, he waved a hand in the air and said, "Carry on, children," before walking into the kitchen.

"Jackass," I muttered under my breath, though I was loud enough for everyone but Carlisle to hear me. When they burst out laughing, he came back into the living room. "Need something, Dad?"

"Nope, just grabbing some coffee," he said, clapping his hands together. "Been a long day and need to stay awake for a little while longer."

"Oh, yeah?" Emmett asked, sitting up and looking over the couch at Carlisle. "You're looking pretty sluggish there, Dad. Maybe you should just forgo the coffee and head on to bed. You know you need your rest, especially at your age."

Rose started to laugh, but quickly turned it into a cough when I shook my head at her. Other than me, Emmett, and Jasper, everyone else was waiting to see if Carlisle would lose his shit with us. However, Carlisle smiled and shook his head. "I'm good, son, but thanks. I have been meaning to tell you, though, that the leaves need to be raked and the garage cleaned out. Might be a good project for you to tackle tomorrow."

"Well, I would, but Rose invited me over to her house for lunch with her parents." Emmett sighed dramatically. "If only you'd told me sooner. Darn my luck."

"Yeah, something tells me that you'll recover." Carlisle snorted and headed back into the kitchen. He came in a couple minutes later with a large cup of coffee and a package of Twinkies. "Enjoy your movie, children, and do remember that noise carries up the stairs."

Before we could reply, he turned and headed upstairs, laughing to himself. My father was crafty bastard, God love him.

"Dude, you're lucky he didn't catch you sucking Alice's face off," Emmett snickered, throwing a pillow at Jasper, who batted it down before it could hit him or Alice.

"Yeah, whatever. You're lucky that Rose invited you over for lunch, or you'd be cleaning all day tomorrow," Jasper countered.

"Oh, I didn't invite him." Rose smirked causing Emmett to puff out his chest proudly. "But, seeing as he's so eager to come meet my parents, looks like it is Sunday lunch at the ole Hale house."

Emmett fell back against her legs and groaned, causing all of us to laugh. Edward pressed his lips against my ear and whispered, "How'd you like to come to my house for lunch tomorrow? Ed and Elizabeth would love to have you. My mom isn't convinced that you actually eat when she's not here."

Blushing, I looked over at him. "Lunch sounds perfect, but only on one condition."

"What's that?" Edward asked, smiling.

"Kiss me?" I murmured.

Growling, Edward pressed his lips against mine, tightening his arm around me. I melted into him, parting my lips and letting him deepen the kiss. It wasn't until we heard the throat being cleared that we broke apart and looked over at the stairs, finding Esme standing there with a smirk on her lips.

"That doesn't look like watching a movie, Bella," she said.

"Remember this morning, Mom?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow at her.

Esme shifted uncomfortably before she replied with a simple: "Yes."

"Payback is a real b . . . bad person," I said, catching myself before I cursed. Behind me, I felt Edward laughing against me.

"Oh, Bella," she laughed, shaking her head and walking toward the kitchen. "That was a nice save."

"Yeah, thanks," I muttered.

A few minutes later, she walked out of the kitchen and headed back upstairs, but not before yelling, "Oh, and by the way, Edward, since your parents invited us all to lunch tomorrow, I'll make sure and let them know that you had a good time tonight," over her shoulder.

"Shit," Edward groaned, dropping his head onto my shoulder.

"Oh, Edward," Garrett snickered. "You're in deep trouble now."

"Yeah, I know," Edward sighed, but winked at me. "Best kind of trouble, though."

With my face turning bright red, everyone laughed before turning their attention back to the movie, and I found myself unable to disagree with Edward: it was the best kind of trouble.

**Thanks for all of the reviews. As always, your support is touching and really warms my heart. Four more chapters to go Oh, lunch with parents should be interesting, don't you think?**


	52. Chapter 52

I should have been nervous about going to Edward's house the next day for lunch, seeing as my parents and Jasper were going to be there as well, but I wasn't. Ed and Elizabeth Masen had done everything they could to help me through the rain that had been spattered on my life over the last few months, including letting me hide when I found myself standing on the edge of a cliff.

Just before the noon on Sunday, Jasper helped me into the backseat of Esme's car and climbed in behind me, stowing my crutches between us. Emmett had been so nervous about going over to Rose's for lunch; it was a huge step in their relationship. Though, for the life of me, I couldn't understand how they'd been together for three months without him meeting them yet. When I questioned him on it, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "They're gone a lot." It made me wonder just how much I knew about Rose and Alice, or even Kate. Had I been so wrapped up in my own self-pity that I hadn't taken the time to get to know the women who loved my brothers?

Chancing a glance at Jasper, I almost burst out laughing. He looked so goofy — happy, but goofy. While I may have always been the most reserved of my brothers and I, as far as allowing people to see the real me — whoever that was — Jasper had been looking for that one person to fall in love with, the one that made his knees weak and his insides quiver. He'd fallen in love with his wee little pixie and I couldn't be happier for him.

"Stop staring at me, freak," he muttered, causing me to really laugh.

"Are those hickeys on your neck, Jas?" I snickered when his eyes flew open and he grabbed his neck. Sitting in the passenger seat, Esme turned and looked back at him, lifting an eyebrow at him.

"She's lying, Mom," Jasper insisted. "I don't have any hickeys. I swear."

"Let me see," Esme said, not really giving him a choice in the matter.

Throwing me a dirty look first, Jasper dropped his hands from his neck and tilted his head to the side, showing Esme his nice, clean skin. "See? I told you."

"Yeah, well, with the way you and Alice were all over each other last night, I had to check." Esme snorted and turned back around. "You know, Jasper, I thought I raised you better than to be so . . . aggressive with a girl like that."

"Mom, I was just kissing her," Jasper muttered, glaring at me. I almost felt sorry for him, but this was all part of my revenge. This morning, he and Emmett had busted into my room at seven and shoved ice down the back of my shirt so I'd get up. One day, they'd learn not to mess with me.

"Didn't look like kissing to me, unless letting your hands roam is a new form of kissing I hadn't heard about," Carlisle said, joining the conversation. Yet, while he was speaking to Jasper, he was looking at me through the rearview mirror. I smiled and waved at him, causing him to laugh. "Bella, stop. I'm trying to be a tough-ass here."

"Trying, but failing," I scoffed, while Esme glared at him for using the word ass. "Sorry, Daddy, but you're not very intimidating."

"Yes, I am," he groused. "Edward is plenty scared of me."

This time when I laughed, both Jasper and Esme joined in.

"I am!" Carlisle exclaimed, throwing an arm into the air. However, when he let go of the wheel, he hit a slick part of the road and started to skid around. "Whoa!"

While he quickly grabbed the wheel and regained control, the moment I felt the car begin to spin, I brought my hands up to my head and screamed. A series of images slammed into me: the deer standing in the middle of the road; the raindrops splattering across the windshield; a pair of bright, white lights coming at me; and the sound of metal being crunched.

It wasn't until I felt Carlisle grab my hands and pull them away from my hair that I realized he'd pulled over onto the side of the road. Sliding his arms around me, Carlisle nestled me against his chest and held me while I cried, while I dealt with the memories of a life I'd almost lost. The thought of never seeing my family again, of them not ever knowing how much I really loved them or needed them, had my heart aching. I'd almost lost them all before I had a chance to really get to know them.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" Carlisle asked, running his fingers through my hair.

"I — I think so," I whispered. "I just . . . I got scared. I could see the truck coming at us, but we couldn't do anything." I shuddered and took a deep breath. "I could have died."

"But you didn't," Esme murmured, reaching over the seat and taking hold of my hand. I looked over at her. "You didn't die."

"I know," I whimpered. "But I could have. I was angry and bitter because suddenly life got too hard and I resented everything that was being asked of me. Instead of turning to you and letting you help me, begging you to hold me," I cried, curving my fingers around the front of Carlisle's shirt, "I pushed you away. I'm so sorry."

"You don't have any reason to be sorry, Bella," Carlisle murmured, laying his cheek against the top of my head. "You're seventeen, and was asked to deal with so much more than you should have had to. There's not a right way to handle all of this."

"Sweetheart," Esme sighed, smiling. "You asked for help. That was a huge step for you. You've reached out to Charlie and Renee, Garrett and Angela. You're starting to let us in, allowing us to hold you when you get scared — like right now. You don't see just how amazing you are."

"I asked them to celebrate my birthday with us," I whispered, ducking my eyes away from hers. "Is that okay?"

"Of course it is," Esme laughed and I turned back to her. "They're family."

Nodding, I wiped the tears off my face and tried to take a deep breath. "I'm okay now."

Carlisle released his hold on me, while Esme kept my hand tightly in hers. Climbing back into the front seat, Carlisle shifted his eyes to mine through the rearview mirror, giving me a wink before he shifted into drive and continued on to the Masen's house. Edward was waiting on the porch when we got there, causing Carlisle and Esme to laugh and me to blush and scowl at the same time. Make fun of me all they wanted, but that boy loved me.

"Come on, Bell," Jasper said, offering me his hand after he climbed out. Placing mine in his, I allowed Jasper to help me out. When he handed me my crutches, he leaned down to my ear and said, "By the way, I'm totally gonna kick your ass for that stunt with mom."

"Keep telling yourself that, Jas," I snickered, tugging my crutches from his hands and placing them under my armpits. Leaving him standing there with a glare on his face, I hobbled after my parents.

"Hello, Edward," Esme chirped, tilting her head toward him. "I hope you slept well last night."

"I did, Mrs. Cullen," Edward replied. "How about you?"

"Oh, well, once all the noise from downstairs died out I managed to get a few hours," Esme said, looking over her shoulder at me and Jasper, who'd stalked up behind me. "At least this time when the kids watched scary movies, they didn't insist on sleeping with Carlisle and I. Who knew Scooby Doo could be so scary?"

"Mom!" Jasper and I whined. Esme and Carlisle laughed and went inside.

Feeling my face flush with my embarrassment, I looked at Edward. "I was five and for the record, there's nothing normal about a bunch of kids hanging around with a dog that talks. That shits creepy."

"You don't have explain yourself to me, Bella Cullen," Edward teased. "I'll just make sure to hide all my Scooby Doo movies. Wouldn't want to trigger you or anything?"

I rolled my eyes, though Jasper laughed and walked past me, clapping Edward on the shoulder. "If you really want to scare her, all you gotta do is put on _It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown_. Gets her every time."

"Jas!" I exclaimed, feeling my cheeks warm even more.

Edward tried to stifle his laughter — he really did — but failed. I scowled and hobbled up the porch. "Glad you find it so funny, Edward. I'm not scared of the Great Pumpkin. It's just not natural for kids that young to be out walking around in a field alone like that. Plus, Lucy? She's a real bitch."

"That she is, baby," Edward snickered, sliding his arm around my waist and leaning down, brushing his lips across mine. "I won't let the evil pumpkins get you."

The minute his arms were around me, I sighed, melting into his embrace. "You're so kind."

"Are you okay?" he asked. "You looked a little shaken when you got out of the car."

"Um," I whispered. "On the way here, we hit a slick spot in the road, and . . ." I took a deep breath. "It just brought the accident to back and I got scared. I'm okay, though."

"When I think about how close . . ." Edward shivered, tightening his arm around me.

"But we didn't," I murmured.

"No, we didn't," he agreed, leaning his forehead against mine. "My mom has been cooking all morning. She's quite determined to make sure you eat. Promise me you'll try?"

Nodding, I sighed. "I'll try, but you have to promise me that you'll still love me if I get fat."

"Baby, I'd love you no matter what," Edward promised, and somehow, I believed him.

Just as Edward said, when we walked into the dining room, I found the table covered with food; everything from fried chicken and mashed potatoes to green beans, fruit salad, homemade bread, and several types of cakes and pies. I knew Edward had helped his mother cook, just one more reason why I loved him so much. Most boys our age would be resentful of the demands that having a disabled mother came with, but not Edward. His family was just as important to him as mine was. Perhaps, that's why we were drawn toward each other in the first place.

"Oh, Bella, there you are!" Elizabeth cheered when Edward and I walked in. "Your mother was just telling me about your birthday next week. Are you excited?"

"Um, no," I replied. "Birthdays haven't really been my thing."

"But this year is different, isn't it?" she asked, smiling.

"I suppose it is," I told her. "Will you and Ed be able to join us for . . ." I trailed off and looked over at Esme. "What are we doing for my birthday?"

"Oh, well, I don't know." Pausing, she sighed. "We could go bowling."

"Yeah, I don't think so, Mom," I scoffed, gesturing to my busted leg and Edward's broken arm.

"Hmm, I forgot about those," she mused. "Well, we could go to a movie, or maybe . . ."

"How about we just have dinner and cake?" Carlisle suggested, placing his hand on Esme's back. "Something simple, dear."

"Bella?" Esme asked, lifting an eyebrow in my direction.

Nodding, I pulled on my bottom lip. "Dinner and cake sound nice."

"Then it's settled," Esme chimed. "And, Elizabeth, Ed, as Bella said, we'd love for you to join the family while we celebrate." Esme shifted her eyes over to mine. "We have a lot to be thankful for this year."

"So do we," Ed said, winking at me. "And we'd love to join you."

—AFTS—

"So, Elli jumps onto the table, wearing nothing but her princess panties and towel tied around her neck," Ed laughed. "And says, 'Fear me, my loyal subjects, for I am the queen of the potty!'"

"Edward scoffed, threw her over his shoulder, and told her that until Elli could learn to pee standing up that she wasn't the queen of jacksqaut," Elizabeth added, causing everyone to burst out laughing. Everyone but him, of course. He had his face buried in my hair, trying to hide the way his ears turned bright red. "Those two kept us on our toes."

"Sounds like it." Esme smiled. "So did ours. They were always up to something, and though she'd try to deny it," Esme turned and gave me a pointed look, "Bella was usually the one leading them."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mom," I muttered. "I was and still am an innocent child." I pointed to Jasper, who rolled his eyes and pretended to gag. "He and Emmett corrupted me."

"What?" Jasper exclaimed, while both Esme and Carlisle scoffed. "You are so full of . . .," Jasper shifted his eyes over to Esme, ". . . crap, Bella. You were the one who always got us into trouble."

"Name one time that I got you in trouble." Leaning back in my chair, I folded my arms in front of me and smirked.

"Just one?" Jasper laughed and I nodded. "Okay, there was the time when you convinced Emmett that there was a monster inside of the walls to his bedroom. Instead of being scared, he grabbed his baseball bat and proceeded to destroy his room so he could kill said monster."

"Not my fault Emmett goes to such extremes," I laughed. He'd busted almost every inch of his wall looking for that monster. I'd been around seven and Emmett got grounded for two months and had to help Carlisle rebuild his walls.

"Okay," Jasper said, sitting up a little straighter. Esme, Carlisle, Edward, Ed, and Elizabeth were laughing so hard they had tears pouring down their faces. "When you were around ten, you talked me and Emmett into opening all of our Christmas presents two weeks before Christmas. When Mom came down the next morning and saw our pathetic attempt at rewrapping them, you started crying about how you tried to talk us out of doing it, but that we locked you in your closet."

I opened my mouth several times to defend myself, but this one I couldn't deny. "Okay, I'll give you that one."

"Bella!" Esme gasped.

"Sorry, Mom, but I really wanted to see if you got me that new music book," I explained, shrugging my shoulders.

"Wow, you and Elli would have gotten along so well, Bella. She was also a pain in the butt," Edward chuckled, turning to look at everyone. "Got me in trouble every day, but I don't think there was a day that went by that I didn't find myself laughing at something she did."

"She had an amazing personality," Elizabeth murmured. "Full of passion and life."

Ed leaned over and kissed the side of her head before he stood up and began clearing the table. Without even being asked, Edward grabbed our plates, Esme's and Carlisle's, and followed his father into the kitchen.

Elizabeth turned back to me and smiled. "Are you sure got enough to eat, sweetheart?"

"Yes," I assured her. Edward had been right when he told me that she was going to push me to eat. Every few minutes, Elizabeth was asking if I wanted more. "It was delicious."

"Oh, well, I can't take all the credit," she laughed, waving me off as Edward came back into the dining room. "Edward, darling, I'll clear the table later. Why don't we go into the living room? It's more comfortable and we won't feel so guilty for eating so much."

"Okay, but I'll do the dishes," Edward insisted, placing his hand on my back while I got up. Grabbing my crutches, he handed them to me.

While everyone settled in the living room, I went down the hallway to use the restroom. Once I washed my hands, I opened the door and stepped out. However, instead of joining them in the living room, I noticed a door at the end of the hallway was halfway open. Biting my lip, I hobbled down and pushed it the rest of the way open. A light gasp trickled from my lips: Elli's room. Where Edward's room was the definition of boy, Elli's room was the epitome of girl. Her walls were a dusty pink and there were pink and white curtains hanging in the window. Her bed was still pushed up against one wall and there was a pink and white checkered comforter on top, along with at least a dozen stuffed animals.

"She loved pink." I turned around at the sound of Ed's voice. He was leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded in front of him.

"I can tell," I whispered. "I'm sorry for coming in here."

"Don't be sorry." He smiled. "We've been meaning to pack her stuff up, donate her toys to the children's hospital, or maybe a homeless shelter for families, but every time I come in here, I can't bring myself to do it."

"I imagine it's very difficult," I murmured.

Nodding, Ed pushed off the frame and walked over to her white dresser, picking up a picture of Elli and Edward together. It was the same one that sat on Edward's nightstand, where she was on his back.

"I think about her every day, Bella. She loved to dance and sing. Though, between you and me, she was tone deaf," Ed chuckled, placing the photograph back on the dresser. He turned to me. "Losing my daughter and almost losing my wife made me an angry man, Bella, and for a long time, I shut down and dwelled on what I didn't have instead of relishing in what I do have. Now, I'm gonna turn into a sappy, old man for a minute, so don't be alarmed, but I want to thank you."

"Thank me? For what?" I asked.

Ed smiled. "For loving my son, for giving him a reason to smile every morning."

"Oh, Ed," I whimpered. "Loving him was the easiest decision I ever made."

"We're lucky to have you in our family, Bella." Crossing the room, Ed leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "You're a blessing."

Leaving me standing there, Ed turned and walked out of Elli's room. I wiped my tears off my face and followed.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Three chapters to go!**


	53. Chapter 53

"I don't want to let you go," Edward moaned, pressing his lips against mine once more.

"Then don't," I murmured, leaning into him. I needed to be closer to him. All night I'd been feeling antsy and uneasy. However, when Edward groaned and leaned away from me, I huffed, knowing I wasn't going to get my wish.

"Baby, your dad is standing on the porch with his arms folded in front of his chest." Edward sighed, stroking my cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, I promise."

"Yeah, tomorrow," I whispered. Before Edward could say anything, I leaned in and kissed him again. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you more," he said. "It'll be fine, baby. If you need me, call me, okay? I'll have my cell with me tonight."

Nodding, I took a deep breath. "I promise."

Edward climbed out of the car and came around to the passenger side, opening the door and handing me my crutches. Once I was out, he placed his hand on the small of my back and walked me up to the porch, where my father was indeed standing. A part of me wanted to lash out at him for pulling me away from Edward when I needed him so much, but the other part of me knew that my father loved me and wasn't doing it to be callous or vindictive. He just didn't understand that at this moment I was struggling to keep myself from falling over the edge once again.

Carlisle started to smirk, but stopped the moment I tilted my head up to look at him. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he asked, immediately alarmed by the tears swimming in my eyes.

Shaking my head, I couldn't get the words I so desperately needed to say out. Instead, I heard myself saying, "Just tired. Gonna go straight to bed."

"Okay," Carlisle replied.

I smiled at Edward before hobbling inside of the house. Esme, Jasper, and Emmett were in the living room, but I couldn't even find it inside of myself to greet them. I felt like every ounce of progress I'd made over the last few weeks was gone and I was the lost, scared Bella Cullen again. I didn't like it, but I didn't know how to get myself out of this funk, either.

Closing my bedroom door behind me, I changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed, rolling onto my side and looking at the yellow notebook laying on my nightstand. I started to reach for it, knowing that Marcus would expect me to write my feelings out instead of bottling them up, but I was too scared. Besides, I wasn't even sure what I was feeling.

That was a lie. I knew exactly how I was feeling: terrified. As each day had passed this week, leading to my birthday, I found myself feeling more and more anxious over what would happen when everyone I cared about gathered around me in celebration. I didn't want to hurt Charlie and Renee anymore. They'd spent too many years wondering where I was — I knew this — but I'd spent too many birthdays wondering the same about them.

"Bella, sweetheart, are you still awake?" Esme asked, knocking on the door. I opened my mouth to answer her, but promptly snapped my lips shut. "Bella?"

Instead of replying to her, I reached over and shut off my lamp, turned my face into my pillow, and cried myself to sleep.

_Once again, I found myself in the park, all alone. Looking around me, I searched for anyway out — searched but found nothing. As it always was when I found myself standing in the middle of the park, it was completely dark, only the dull, orangish glow from the streetlights that were lined around the park shone. The air was cool and nippy, biting at my skin. A loud creak echoed around me and I looked over at the swings, watching as they moved on their own._

"_Bella," he called and I felt my body begin to tremble. "Bella!"_

"_Leave me alone!" I screamed._

"_Bella!" he laughed. Behind me, I felt someone brush their hand across my back, but when I spun around, there wasn't anyone there._

_I dropped to my knees, grabbing my hair and screamed. "Leave me alone! I hate you, I fucking hate you!"_

"_Bella," he whispered. This time, I could feel his breath on my neck, sending a chill through me. "Bella, come with me. They don't want you, they don't need you."_

"_That's not true," I cried, tensing when I felt his hands on my arms. "Don't touch me!"_

"_They don't want you," he growled. _

"_That's not true!" I screamed, pushing him away. Scrambling to my feet, I began to run, searching for someplace safe to hide. With each step I took, I felt my heart racing._

"_Bella," he cackled. "You can't run, you can't hide. I'm never letting you go."_

_Sliding to a stop, I turned behind me, finding him standing a few feet behind me. As usual I couldn't see his face._

"_You want to know why I took you?" He tilted his head to the side. "Because I could. Because you and she were there. I needed that car and you merely got in the way."_

"_You're a coward," I whispered, though I knew he could hear me. "A goddamn coward."_

"_Yet, you're the one who's been running from me for weeks, months — hell, years. What does that make you, Bella?"_

_Closing my eyes, I shook my head. "I don't know."_

"_Don't you?" Pressing up against me, I could feel him behind me. His hands gripped my waist and his breath washed over my skin. "You're weak, Bella. They'll never love you, they'll never want you. Come with me into the darkness."_

"_No," I whispered. Spinning around, I pulled my arm back and threw it forward, screaming, "NO! You don't get to take me away, not again."_

_Over and over, I hit him, knocking him to the ground. Jumping on him, I pummeled him with my fists, though he never fought back. Instead, he laid there and took each blow._

"_Fight back, you coward!" I screamed. "Fight!"_

_Nothing but silence._

_Reaching down, I grabbed at the darkness shadowing his face, finding my fingers come into contact with something soft and silky. Pulling my hand away, I gasped when the shadow slipped over his face. However, instead of being a guy, I found myself facing — myself._

Screaming, I jarred myself awake and nearly fell out of my bed. I bumped my nightstand, sending my cellphone flying across the room. Scrambling after it, I crawled across the room, wrapping my fingers around it before curling up in a corner — as much as I could with a broken leg, anyway.

The sound of heavy footsteps rushing down the stairs pulled my attention to the door. A moment later, I heard someone knock on my door. When I didn't answer, they attempted to open it, but I scrambled across the room, pushing the door shut and locking it.

"Bella!" Esme yelled, trying to open the door. "Sweetheart, let me in."

I couldn't answer her. Instead I flipped my cellphone open. I started to call Edward, but stopped when I scrolled past Marcus' number under my contacts. With my eyes closed, I pressed send, hoping that he'd be there when I needed him. The phone rang once, twice, three times. I was about end the call when I heard a click, followed by a drowsy, "Hello?"

"M — Marcus," I whimpered, ignoring the way Carlisle and Esme were beating on my door, begging me to let them in. I couldn't, not when I felt like I was drowning again.

"Bella? Honey, is that you?"

"Y — yes," I cried.

"Honey, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" he asked, suddenly sounding awake.

"It was me," I sobbed. "It was always me."

"What was always you?"

"In my nightmares, it was always me."

Marcus huffed. "Bella, you're not making any sense. Tell me what's going on."

"I — I don't know," I replied, honestly. "I just don't know."

"Where are you?" he asked.

"At home," I whispered.

"Are you safe?" he asked.

"I don't know," I cried, grabbing my hair.

Through the phone, I heard him tell someone to grab his keys. A moment later, he said, "Bella, I need you to promise me that you'll be okay until I get there. Promise me!"

"I — I promise," I cried.

"I'll be there — soon."

With a click, Marcus ended the call. Letting my phone drop from my fingers, I rolled onto my side; I covered my head with my arms and cried.

—AFTS—

I'm not sure how long I laid on the floor, allowing my tears to seep into the carpet. Every few minutes Carlisle or Esme, sometimes both of them, would come down to my room and knock on the door, beg me to let them in. I wanted nothing more than to let them hold me, but I was so confused. For months, I'd been having nightmares where that man took me. Now, I was him? I didn't understand.

I was vaguely aware of the doorbell ringing. A few minutes later, my bedroom door got busted open. From my position on the floor, I looked over to see Marcus and Miranda standing in the doorway, both of them in a pajama pants and T-shirts.

"Leave us alone," Marcus said and I expected Miranda to turn around and leave, but she didn't.

"Okay," I heard Esme whisper before walking away.

Marcus and Miranda walked into my room, closing the door behind them. Settling on the floor around me, Marcus sat with his knees bent up in front of him while Miranda moved so that she was lying in front of me. Slowly, she reached out and pushed my hair out of my face.

"You're okay," she whispered.

"I'm not," I murmured. "It was me all along. Every nightmare was because of me."

"Bella, tell us what you're talking about, honey," Marcus said.

Closing my eyes, I heard myself confessing my sins. "I was in the park again. It was dark and cold, like always. He started calling out to me, telling me that they weren't going to want me, that I was worthless. I felt him touching me, breathing on me," I cried. "I tried to run, but he was still there, calling me a coward, telling me that I'd never meant anything."

"And then?" Marcus asked. Opening my eyes, I saw Miranda crying with me. Marcus had his hand on her hip. "And then what happened, Bella?"

"I stopped running," I whispered. "I don't know why, but I stopped running. And I turned back to him and I told him that he was the coward. He just stood there and said that the only reason he took me was because we were there. We meant nothing to him. He ruined my life because we just happened to be there." Pausing, I shook my head. "I don't understand how someone can be so careless with another person's feeling like that."

"Me too, honey," Marcus said. "What else happened?"

"He said I was a coward again because I'd been running from him for so long and I got mad. I don't remember choosing to do this, but I hit him," I wept. "He fell to the ground, but I kept hitting him, over and over and over. He never fought back; he didn't scream or tell me to stop. I — I pulled his mask off and . . ." I shuddered as I looked over at Marcus. "It was me. I was hitting myself. For months — I've running from myself."

Marcus snickered. "About time you realized that."

"Mar, stop," Miranda hissed. Rolling her eyes, she looked over at me. "I'd tell you to ignore him, but he's right. It's about time."

"I don't understand," I muttered and sat up. "What does this mean?"

Marcus sighed. "Well, first of all, you fought back. You stopped running from him, which shows that you're stronger than you thought you were. Secondly, Bella, you're the one person who's been holding yourself back for months. You didn't want to see it because you were scared, but now, you're realizing that you won't ever have all the answers to your questions."

"So, this is a good thing?" I asked.

"A very good thing," he laughed. Frowning, I thought about how I'd overreacted. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" I groused.

"Don't feel guilty for how you feel," he said, simply.

"How can I not?" I jibed. "I called you in the middle of the night; I refused to let my parents in because I was scared, only to be told that I was having a revelation about my entire life. Gees, could I have overreacted anymore?"

"Yes," Miranda said, smiling. I looked over at her. "When I had my revelation that there were parts of my life that I'd never know the truth about, I freaked out like you did. However, I didn't have a busted leg and instead of letting Saul and Jolene hold me and soothe away the fear, I ran and ran and ran. Marcus found me standing on a bridge in the pouring rain, about to jump to my death. He held me and talked me through it."

The entire time she'd been baring her soul to me, Marcus was rubbing her hip, almost like was trying to hold her back. And that's when it hit me. The reason Marcus understood the way Edward held onto me, the way he loved me, was because he felt the same way for Miranda. She was his everything.

"And fell in love with you," I murmured, causing Marcus to look up at me. "Didn't you, Marcus?"

Marcus smiled. "Yes."

I shifted my eyes over to Miranda, who was blushing. "You love him, too, don't you?"

"I do," she admitted.

"Is that why you don't attend therapy anymore?" I asked.

"Oh, I do, every Monday," she assured me, "but not with Marcus."

Nodding, I ran my hand over my face and threw my hair. "So, what does this revelation mean?"

"It means we have a new path to follow in your session next week," Marcus chuckled.

The smell of cinnamon rolls wafted into my room, causing Marcus to lift an eyebrow. I smiled. "Mom cooks when she gets scared."

Nodding, he turned back to me. "And she was plenty scared. Why didn't you talk to your mom and dad?"

"Because I was scared that they'd push me away, blame me or something," I said. "I know it's stupid, and they've done nothing but try to keep me from falling apart. Marcus, they took me in when I had nothing, loved me from day one. I don't like making them sad, or cry. That's why I kept so much of how I really felt all of those years locked away inside. How could I tell the people who loved me enough to keep me that I had questions?"

"Did you ever think that maybe they had questions, too?" he suggested.

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

Instead of replying, he stood up and grabbed my arm, helping me up. Miranda brought me my crutches. Marcus gestured for us to follow him, and while I was terrified to face my parents and brothers, I knew there was no going backward.

Esme and Carlisle were sitting at the table with Emmett and Jasper when we walked in. The four of them looked up at us, shifting their attention from Miranda to Marcus and then to me. I saw the concern in each of their eyes, and I immediately felt guilty. I'd been doing so well over the last few days, but now I was a big mess once again.

"Sit," Marcus ordered, gesturing to one of the chairs. I bit back my smart-assed retort and did as he asked. He was here to help me after all. Once I was in my chair, Marcus pulled out a chair for Miranda, smiling when she slid into the seat next to mine. Placing his hands on the back of the chair, Marcus looked at each of us before he started speaking. "Before Bella explains what happened, I need you all to promise that you'll hear her out before you respond."

"Of course," Esme replied quickly, almost causing me to smile.

"I promise," Carlisle said, softly.

Marcus looked over at Emmett and Jasper. "Boys?"

"We promise," Jasper mumbled.

"Yeah," Emmett murmured looking right at me.

Marcus turned to me. "Bella."

Taking a deep breath, I recounted every moment of my dream, or nightmare — whatever you wanted to call it. While I spoke, I kept my eyes locked on my hands, unable to handle the looks in the eyes of the people I cared the most about. Would they see this moment as a turning stone the way Marcus did? Or would this be the final straw that broke their back? Once the words died out in my throat, the silence that surrounded us was deafening.

"Bella," Esme whispered and, though I was scared, I shifted my eyes up to hers. With tears pouring down her face, she smiled. "Sweetheart, that's incredible."

"It is?" I whimpered.

"Oh, yes," she assured me.

"Sweetheart," Carlisle said, pulling my attention to him, "why'd you lock us out?"

"I — I thought you'd blame me," I whispered.

"Why?" he asked.

Sighing, I shook my head. "Because for months I thought there was a monster inside of my head, but there wasn't. It was me; I was keeping myself on the edge of the cliff."

"That was deep," Emmett commented. "Stupid, but deep."

"Emmett!" Esme scolded.

"No, Mom, he's right," I admitted. "I've let fear and anger keep me from being honest with myself. I thought I needed answers to questions before I could really move on, but I understand now that I will never know why that man choose Renee's car to steal, or why he left me at the hospital. I will never know how I managed to slip through the cracks, keeping Charlie and Renee from finding me. As hard as it is to admit it, I know that I will never understand the whys; I just can't dwell on it anymore. I have to move forward with me life, figure out who I am now."

"Good girl, honey," Marcus whispered, placing his hand on my shoulder. "The hardest step when recovering from a trauma is accepting that you can't change what happened. You're finally doing that."

"I'm trying," I whimpered, brushing the tears off my cheeks. "I'm really trying."

**Thank you for all the reviews. This chapter was difficult to write. I know it seems like Bella took a giant leap backward, but I can assure you that she did the opposite. Two more chapters to go!**


	54. Chapter 54

Late in the afternoon, I found myself on the front porch with a blanket laying over me and my guitar over my legs, though I wasn't paying attention to what I was playing. While Esme and Carlisle were inside trying to make sure everything was perfect for my birthday, Emmett, Jasper, Marcus, and Miranda were out on the porch with me. Emmett, Jasper, and Marcus were chatting about nothing while I slowly strummed my guitar to the tune that was playing inside of my head. Miranda, on the other hand, had curled up in her chair with a notebook and a pencil. Every once in a while she'd look over at me and smile before returning to her work.

Esme had invited Marcus and Miranda to stay and celebrate my birthday with us, waving them off when they complained about not having real clothes to put on. Perhaps it was just because Marcus wasn't sure that I'd be able to handle having everyone around me, or maybe he was curious on how we really got along. I didn't care what his reasons were, I was glad he'd be around.

After I'd confessed my sins to everyone, Esme shoved two large, hot cinnamon rolls into my mouth and gave me a look that said to eat or else. I knew better than to argue with the woman. Once I ate them, I went back into my room and took a nap, or tried to at least. I was exhausted, yet every time I closed my eyes all I could think about was my revelation. So I did what I always did and settled out on the porch, trying to find some kind of release for the tension building in my shoulders.

At just before six, Edward, Ed, and Elizabeth pulled up in front of the house. Edward helped his father get Elizabeth settled before coming over to me and kneeling in front of me. Leaning forward, he kissed me, taking my breath away.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hi," I murmured, grabbing the front of his chest. It wasn't until I heard a giggle that I remembered that his parents were standing just a few feet away from us. Blushing, I went to release him, but Edward quickly grabbed my hand. I turned to Elizabeth. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she said with a smile. "Happy birthday, sweetheart."

"Thank you," I said, shifting uncomfortably.

"Well, it's too cold out here for my old bones," Ed said, grabbing the back of Elizabeth's chair. "I'm taking my lovely bride inside."

"We'll be there in a minute, Dad," Edward replied, never taking his eyes off of mine.

Emmett cleared his throat as he went over and held the door open for Ed and Elizabeth. Once they were inside, he grabbed Jasper's collar and dragged him inside, shutting the door and leaving me and Edward on the porch with Marcus and Miranda, both of whom were watching us with smirks.

"Stop staring at me," I groused, glaring at Marcus.

"Why? You gonna blush some more?" he snickered. I rolled my eyes. Marcus laughed as he stood up and came over to me and Edward, offering him his hand. "I'm Marcus. Heard a lot of good things about you, Edward."

"Nice to meet you," Edward said. "I've heard mostly nice things about you."

"Mostly?" Marcus asked, pretending to be hurt as he looked over at me. "Bella, why wasn't it all good?"

"Because sometimes you're an ass," I stated.

Marcus started to argue with me, but then clamped his mouth shut. "Touché."

"Come on, baby, let's give the lovebirds a few minutes alone," Miranda teased, standing up and slipping her hand into Marcus'. "I think he wants to kiss her again."

I felt my face flush as they laughed and headed inside, leaving me and Edward alone on the porch.

"Wow, that was awkward," Edward murmured, sliding into the seat next to me. "Should I ask why your therapist is here in his pajamas?"

I sighed. "I kind of had a breakdown, or breakthrough last night. Depends on who you ask."

"What happened?" he asked.

"Um, well, I had another nightmare. Only this time, instead of running from him, I fought back," I explained. I then proceeded to tell Edward every detail of my dream, how I'd freaked out and called Marcus, how he and Miranda had come over and talked me down. Edward never interrupted me. When I was done, I ran my hand over my face and brushed the tears away. "I don't know. I feel . . . relieved, I guess, but at the same time, I still feel so anxious."

"Why didn't you call me earlier?" he asked.

"Because I knew you had family therapy with your mom and dad today, Edward. You needed to be there with them, and they needed you."

Edward nodded and brought my hand up to his lips. "I'm proud of you."

"You are?" I asked. "Why?"

Laughing, Edward tilted his head up and looked me in the eye. "Besides that fact that you're amazing, you're asking for help. Though, I will admit to being a little jealous that you didn't call me."

"I can't rely on you all the time, Edward," I whispered. "Besides, you have nothing to be jealous about. Marcus is old and disgusting."

"I am not," Marcus called through the door. Rolling my eyes, I picked up my crutch and hit it. "Meanie!"

"Stop eavesdropping!" I yelled and turned back to Edward. "See? He's annoying."

"Come on, baby; let's get you inside so they'll stop worrying that I'm gonna take off with you or something," Edward snickered, standing up and pulling on my hand. "Though, if I took off with you, it might make it easier to give you this."

Edward pulled out a small, white box out of his pocket. I snapped my eyes from it up to Edward's, feeling my breath catch in my chest. "W — what's this?"

"Open it and find out, Bella Cullen." He laughed and shoved it into my shaking fingers.

Taking a deep breath, I pulled off the blue paper and dropped it onto the table. Slipping the lid off, I picked up the small, black flash drive and looked up at Edward. "Um, thanks?"

Edward laughed. "I, um, recorded some of my music for you. I still have your stuff playing through my head and I wanted you to have a piece of me. Does that sound corny?"

"Yes," Marcus called from inside the house.

Smacking the door with my crutch again, I yelled. "Dude, stop ruining this moment for me!"

"Whatever," I heard Marcus mutter from inside. Rolling my eyes, I turned back to Edward, who was struggling not to laugh. "Don't encourage him."

"Sorry, but he's kind of funny," Edward said. He nodded toward the flash drive. "Do you like it?"

I smiled. "I love it. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he murmured, pulling me to my feet. Cupping my face in his hands, Edward leaned in and kissed me. "I love you, Bella Cullen."

"I love you, Edward Masen."

Kissing him again, I followed Edward into the house. I could hear Carlisle and Esme in the kitchen with Ed and Elizabeth. Miranda had moved to the stairs and was settled on one of the steps with her knees bent up in front of her and her pencil moving quickly. Glaring at Marcus, who stood behind the door with an amused look on his face, I followed Edward over the couch and sat down, propping my leg up on the coffee table.

A few minutes later the doorbell rang and this time, Jasper and Emmett scrambled to get to the door first. Emmett elbowed Jasper in the gut, reaching the door first and threw the door open.

"Oh, it's you," Emmett deadpanned, looking down at Alice. "Jas, your woman is here."

"Yeah, thanks," Jasper groaned, rubbing his ribs and pushing Emmett out the way. Smiling, he wrapped his arms around Alice and kissed her. "Hey."

"Hi. Why are you rubbing your ribs?" Alice asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"Because asshole —"

"Jasper!" Esme yelled from the kitchen.

"Sorry, Mom," Jasper called before dropping his voice down to a whisper. "Because asshole over there clipped me so that he could get to the door first. He thought you were Rose."

"Ah, okay." Alice turned to Emmett, her smiling dropping and a glare taking its place. Beside me, I felt Edward start laughing. "Dude, touch him again and I will end you."

"Pssh," Emmett scoffed, folding his arms in front of him. "You ain't got nothing on me, pixie."

Before I could even blink, Alice reached out and grabbed the inside of Emmett's arm. He yelped and dropped to his knees. "Alice, stop!" he cried, trying to free himself from her deathly grip.

Releasing him, Alice smirked. "Oh, yeah, Em, you're a big ole tough guy."

"Hey, everyone," Rose said, stopping in the doorway when she saw her boyfriend on his knees. "What's going on here?"

"Alice just took him to his knees with her death grip," Edward explained. "Pretty sure there were tears in his eyes."

"Was not," Emmett grumbled and stood up. He wrapped his arm around Rose, nestling her against his chest. "Baby, she was mean to me. Kick her ass."

"Hell no," Rose scoffed. "She's scrappy and doesn't fight fair."

"Rosie!" Emmett whined.

"Sorry, baby, but I'm not getting involved," Rose laughed.

Alice giggled as she bounced over to where I was sitting and thrust a small gift in my face. "Happy birthday, Bella!"

"Thanks, Alice, but you didn't need to get me anything," I murmured, aware of the way Marcus was watching me, watching all of us interact.

"Of course I did!" she chirped, sitting on the edge of the couch. "It's from me, Rose, and Kate."

"Oh," I said, placing it on my leg.

"Aren't you gonna open it?" she asked.

"Shouldn't I wait for Kate to get here?" I pointed out. However, the words had barely slipped out of my lips when Kate and Angela came inside with Garrett, Ben, Charlie, and Renee following.

"She's here, so open!" Alice cheered, clapping her hands together. From the corner of my eye, I saw Marcus shake his head at the excitement the pixie had. I barely managed to stifle my laughter as I peeled off the paper and handed it to Edward.

Turning it over in my hand, I pulled the white lid off and gasped. "Alice."

"We all have one," she explained, pulling the silver chain that hung around her neck out from inside of her shirt and showing me the small heart shaped charm hanging on it. Hers said believe, while Rose's said faith and Kate's had truth. The one in my box had a simple word etched into the silver: Hope. "D — do you like it?"

My lips trembled as I turned to her, Rose, and Kate. "I love it. Thank you."

"Here, let me put it on for you," Edward murmured, slipping it out of my hand. I turned my back toward him and lifted my hair off my shoulders. A moment later, I felt his fingers graze my neck. By now, Carlisle, Esme, Ed, and Elizabeth had joined us in the living room.

"Bella," Renee said, moving around so that she and Charlie were standing in front of me. In her hands was a large box. "Happy birthday."

"Renee," I whispered, taking the gift. Toying with the white satin ribbon, I sighed. "You didn't need to get me anything. Just having you here was enough."

Renee and Charlie smiled, while sitting on the edge of the coffee table. "Thank you," Charlie said, "but we wanted to. So, open it."

Nodding, I pulled at the ribbon. It slipped off the shimmering, silver paper. Carefully, I peeled it off, not wanting to tear it. My fingers were trembling as I pulled the lid off the box. Shifting my eyes up to Renee and Charlie's, I felt them fill with tears. Inside the box was a brown, leather photo album.

"Open it," Renee urged.

Taking a deep breath, I lifted it out of the box and placed the album on my lap. Flipping open the front cover, I gasped. The first photo in the album was of Charlie and Renee with me, Garrett, and Angela in their laps. Garrett was on Charlie's lap, I was in the middle, and nestled in Renee's arms was Angela. Turning through the pages, I found dozens upon dozens of photos of me with Charlie or Renee, sometimes both; photos of me with Garrett and Angela, of me celebrating birthdays and Christmas. It seemed like every moment of the three years I was Isabella Swan had been chronicling for me inside of the brown, leather album. Closing, I brought my hand up to my lips and looked at Charlie and Renee.

"We don't want to upset you, Bella," Renee said, cautiously. "But we wanted to give you something that showed who you were, so you can see who you are now."

Slowly, I leaned forward and grabbed her hand. "Thank you," I murmured, sniffing back my tears. "So much."

"Well, you're welcome," she beamed, releasing a relieved breath.

"Bella?" I looked over my shoulder at Esme's voice. She gestured to the album. "May I?"

Nodding, I offered it to her. Esme took it and moved around to the fireplace, sitting on the hearth. Smiling, she opened it and began to look at the photos. "You have Renee's smile, sweetheart, but Charlie's eyes."

"I do?" I asked.

Esme looked up at me. "Yes, they're full of hope and love. Oh, and his ears a little, too."

"They do kind of stick out a little," Marcus added. I scowled, but shook my hair around to hide my ears, causing everyone to laugh. "Nice try, honey."

"Whatever," I mumbled.

Laughing, Esme closed the album and brought it back over to me. "You were a beautiful baby, Bella. Even without any hair."

"Geez, thanks, Mom," I scoffed. "You're supposed to be nice to me today, by the way. It's my birthday."

"Yeah, yeah; whatever." Patting me on the head, Esme turned and looked at everyone. "Dinner's ready."

Emmett and Jasper jumped to their feet and attempted to run into the dining room first, yet Esme gave them a look that clearly said to wait until our guest had gotten in there first. Snickering under my breath, I stood up and hobbled after everyone, taking a seat at of the smaller tables in the living room, knowing that there was no way all eighteen of us were going to fit in one room. Edward filled our plates with food before sitting next to me.

Dinner was calm and relaxed, so different than the meal we'd all shared just a couple weeks before when I ripped open the stitches of my soul and confessed my sins to everyone. In the dining room, I could hear my parents, Charlie, Renee, Ed, Elizabeth, Marcus, and Miranda laughing and telling stories about us kids. Though we all grimaced when it was our turns to be embarrassed, it wasn't going to change the way we saw each other.

Once we were done with our dinner, Esme instructed Emmett and Jasper to begin clearing off the table. They grumbled under their breaths, but did as she asked. Edward and Garrett both helped, which was very sweet considering they were guest inside our home. After they have almost everything in the kitchen, Carlisle carried out a large chocolate cake with seventeen candles on it out of the kitchen and placed it in front of me.

"Okay, everyone, let's sing her happy birthday," he laughed, knowing that it would embarrass me. "Happy birthday . . ."

While they sang to me, Emmett and Jasper automatically took their positions next to me, like they had every year since I was three. Only this year, Garrett joined them, standing to Jasper's left with a smile on his face and tears in his eyes.

"Make a wish, sweetheart," Esme murmured.

With tears burning my eyes, I looked around and realized that all those birthdays when I wished to have my family around me had finally come true. So this year, as I closed my eyes and blew out my candles, I wished for a pony.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Y'all are so amazing! One chapter to go!**


	55. Chapter 55

Shifting in the passenger seat of Edward's car, I brought my hand up to my lips and chewed on my nails. Sighing, Edward reached over and pulled it away from my lips — as he had done at least five times in the last hour.

I smiled and looked over at him. "Sorry."

"I told you the last five times not to be sorry," he laughed, weaving his fingers in with mine. "They'll be here any minute."

"And if they're not?" I asked.

"They will," he insisted.

"How can you be so sure?" I wondered.

"Because they know it's important to you, baby," Edward replied.

A pair of headlights drew my attention to the entry into the parking lot. Sharing a look with Edward first, we climbed out of his car and walked around to the back and waited. A second, third, and then fourth car pulled in, taking the parking spaces across from us. Slowly, the people I cared about the most in the world climbed out of the cars, and looked over at me. Carlisle and Esme were the first. Though my father had been here with me once before, he still looked as nervous as Esme did. Sliding his arm around her waist, he led her over to us.

Before I could greet them, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice climbed out of the jeep. Unlike my parents, the four of them were nearly vibrating with excitement. Next to them, Charlie and Renee slipped out of their car, along with Ed and Elizabeth. The four of them looked interested, yet nervous about what we were getting ourselves into. They were here on blind faith that I wouldn't ask them to do something outside of their comfort zones. In the fourth car were Garrett, Kate, Angela, and Ben. Much like my brothers, Rose, and Alice, they'd been excited to come with me.

"Breathe," Edward whispered in my ear, causing me to smile.

"I'm trying," I whispered. As everyone gathered around us, I could see the looks in our parents' eyes.

It had been six months my birthday. Several times over the last few months, Marcus had asked me if I was ever coming back to The Warehouse, and each time, I told him that I didn't know. I wanted to, but at the same time, I was scared because I knew the next time I came, I'd have to get on that stage and sing. Allowing myself to be so open was a lot to handle.

But finally, after months of putting it off, I felt ready. Of course, I was still nervous. I was opening myself up to those I loved the most, the people who'd told me in a hundred different ways how much they loved me, that they were there for me, that they needed me. It wasn't easy to let them in, but I finally felt normal.

"Wow, this place seems . . . nice," Esme chirped, looking around.

"It's better inside," I said, reaching out and grabbing her hand. "It's gonna be okay, Mom."

"I know," she murmured, trying to convince herself. "Well, we should go."

Slowly, the sixteen of us headed inside. Though I knew they were willing to follow me anywhere, I knew that making the decision to step into the darkness was a lot to ask of my family. Carlisle winked at me as he pulled Esme through the doors. One by one everyone else followed. I moved to the front of the group and led the way down the narrow hallway, trying to calm my racing heart.

I stopped in front of the double set of doors and smiled as I looked back at everyone. "Welcome to The Warehouse."

Pushing open the doors, I stepped aside while they trickled inside. Ben's attention was immediately drawn to where the easels were located. With a look back at Angela, who laughed and nodded, he took off and ran over there. I watched while he brought his hands up and ran it through his hair at some of the pieces that were on display. Ben was a quite soul, but when you needed someone to just be there, he was the guy you wanted.

'It's about damn time!" Smiling, I looked over at Miranda. She was standing next to the coffee bar with a smirk on her face and a sparkle in her eyes. Next to her sat Marcus, who for the first time in the nine months since I started seeing him, he was wearing a dress shirt and not a T-shirt. "You're late!" Miranda added, coming over and hugging me.

"Sorry, took a while to get everyone here," I said, quietly.

"But you're here now. That's all that matters," she whispered, before turning to everyone. "Welcome to The Warehouse. We only have one rule here."

"What's that?" Charlie asked.

Miranda smiled. "Don't be afraid."

"Um, okay," he said, clearly not understanding.

Miranda smiled and looked over at me. "Come on. I saved y'all the best table in the joint."

"Okay."

I followed Miranda over to a group of tables to the left of the stage. Sliding into one of the chairs, I crossed my legs. After nearly two months, I'd finally gotten the plaster cast off. At first, my leg was weak and ached, but I'd managed to build the muscle back up. The only reminder of the accident that nearly killed me and Edward were a small scar on my leg and another on my abdomen.

Taking the seat on the other side of Edward, Miranda motioned for one of the servers to come over. "What would you like to drink, everyone?"

Once we'd ordered, we turned our attention back to the stage where a young man was singing. He had a nice, soft voice — soulful and full of emotion. Bringing my hand up to my chest, I took a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" Marcus asked, sliding into the chair next to me. "You look like you're about to puke."

"Kind of feeling like I am," I admitted. I looked up at him. "But I'm ready to do this."

Marcus smiled. "Yeah, you are."

"I, for one, can't wait," Miranda said, leaning forward and placing her hand on the palm of her hand. I rolled my eyes, thinking of all the times that she'd nearly begged me to sing for her. "Bella, don't be like that!"

"Like what?" I smirked, folding my arms in front of my chest. "You'll get your wish tonight, Miranda. Have some patience."

"Patience is not a virtue I inherited," she retorted, causing everyone to laugh.

"No shit," Marcus snickered. His eyes flew open and he looked over at Esme and Renee. "I mean, kidding. No kidding."

"Yeah, yeah; whatever," Renee muttered, rolling her eyes.

"You know, Marcus, I expected more from you than a potty mouth," Esme teased, winking at me. "You're supposed to be setting an example for these kids."

"Yeah, Marcus," I scoffed. "You're a bad influence, tainting our innocent ears."

"Pssh," Esme, Carlisle, Charlie, Renee, Ed, and Elizabeth all said together.

"Bella, sweetheart," Renee giggled. "You may be a lot of things, but innocent is not one of them."

I opened my mouth to argue with her, but promptly clamped it shut. "Touché, Renee."

There'd been a time when me calling her by her given name would have her flinching away from me, but over the last few months, she and Charlie seemed to understand that while I do love them, and I think of them as my parents, they weren't my mom and dad. Carlisle and Esme would always hold that position for me, and it seemed to be enough for Charlie and Renee. In the end, they'd settled for being my friend.

The minute the guy on the stage was done, Miranda was out of her seat, around the table to where I was sitting, and pulling on my arm. "Come on!" she cheered.

Laughing, I allowed her to pull me to my feet and over to the stage, where my guitar was already waiting for me. When I had my session with Marcus that afternoon, he'd asked me to bring it, saying that he wanted to hear me sing again. Of course, then he proceeded to take it from me and hold it hostage, telling me that it was in case I changed my mind about tonight. I called him a few names, but left my guitar there with him.

"Sing!" Miranda ordered.

"Okay, okay," I laughed. While she went back to the table, I strapped my guitar around my shoulder and took a deep breath. Stepping up in front of the microphone, I took a deep breath and turned toward my favor. "This is for all of you."

Taking a step back, I began to strum my guitar, a slow, hypnotic melody. Leaning forward, I closed my eyes and began to sing:

"Lost and afraid, struggling to find her way,

A young girl shied away from the sun

With tears in her eyes, every night she cried

Searching for someone to show her the way

Finding herself in a new and unique land

She wondered if everyone could see her fears

With her heart racing and her chest aching

She tried to hold onto the sun that lit her way."

Shifting my eyes over to where my family was sitting, I smiled as I played and sang the next part. Charlie and Renee were sitting next to Carlisle and Esme. If you'd asked me nine months ago if they'd be sitting at a table together, I would have laughed and called you a fool. But, here they were together, having forged a friendship that went deeper than just their love for me.

"Though she was afraid to let herself see them,

People loved her, needed her, wanted her.

They held her tight when she cried,

Soothing away the shadows that haunted her

Fighting within herself, the girl screamed and raged

Not understanding why she couldn't be happy,

Why everything felt dreadfully hard all the time

She longed for the day when she didn't run away from the sun

With nothing else to lose, she surrendered her heart

After months of hiding, she finds herself facing rock bottom

Ripping away the stitches of her tattered heart,

The girl embraces the family she longed to know,

While holding onto the one who saved her from the storm."

As I played the last note, I shifted my attention over to Edward, finding his soft, green eyes watching me with love and understanding. He'd been the one person in my life who never pressed me for more, who'd loved me no matter how many times I screamed and fought. He was the love of my life, the owner of my soul, and the Sun when I found myself facing the rain.

**Thank you for all of the reviews over the last 54 chapters of Away from the Sun. When I started this one, I knew it was going to be a difficult journey—one that I never expected to be received the way it was. So, again, thank you so much for all the support. There are five outtakes that will be posted over the next few days. **


	56. Outtake one

—AFTS—

"Bella Cullen," called the soft, silky voice of the love of my life. Feeling my cheeks warm, I shifted my eyes over to him. Edward was sitting next to me in the airport terminal, his feet crossed at his ankles and his arms folded across his chest. The smirk resting on his lips told me that he was enjoying the way my body reacted to him.

"Stop it," I muttered, trying to keep the smile from spreading across my lips, but failing miserably when he winked at me. "Edward Masen!"

"What?" he asked, pretending to be innocent. "I'm not doing anything."

"Yeah, whatever," I scoffed, shaking my head and looking up at the monitor tracking the flights in and out of the airport. There were dozens of flights scheduled to arrive and depart from the airport, the small, neon green numbers stating the time and gate. They mocked me, almost sneering at me with haste.

"Hey," Edward called out and I looked back over at him. Now, he was standing a few feet in front of me with his hand held out. "Walk with me."

Sighing, I slipped my fingers across his palm, letting him pull me to my feet. With a look back at my family, I allowed Edward to lead me through the terminal until we'd reached the far side. We paused and looked out the window, watching as a light drizzling rain sprinkled over everything. Once again I found myself away from the sun, shut off by the rain.

Edward pulled on my hand, drawing my attention up to him. "Smile."

"I don't want to," I mumbled. Part of that was true, because my nerves were getting the better of me and I wasn't sure I could actually do what was being asked of me, but the other part knew that my family wouldn't put me in a position that caused me harm — not again.

"Am I gonna have to fight dirty?" he asked, smirking once more.

"No," I said, quickly and looking around. Edward fighting dirty usually led me to being left breathless and unaware of my surrounding.

"Baby," he threatened, inching closer. His free hand slipped onto my hip, sliding around until it was lying flat against my back.

"Edward," I breathed, feeling my heart race.

Pressing me against the cool glass, Edward's grip on my hip tightened just before his lips landed on mine. A deep, throaty moan reverberated from inside of me and I brought my free hand up, letting it rest against his chest. Edward brushed his tongue against my lips, and as they parted, he accepted my invitation. His body trembled against mine, his fingers gripping my hips so tightly that I knew they'd leave bruises, but I didn't care, not when Edward was kissing me like that.

Breaking our kiss, Edward smiled and leaned away from me. "Now do you feel like smiling?"

"Not if it means you're going to keep kissing me like that," I admitted, though my lips betrayed me and I smiled.

"Bella Cullen, you know I'll always kiss you," he chuckled, brushing his lips across mine again.

"Flight 3242 to Phoenix, Arizona is now boarding."

My heart leapt in my chest as the words sunk in. "That's us."

Sharing a look, I smiled and kissed him once more before we turned and rushed back down to our terminal, trying not to bump into anyone on our way by. My family all stood around the gate, glancing anxiously around for me. They were afraid I'd run, but I couldn't, not anymore.

"Sorry," I muttered, dropping my attention to the floor and taking my carry on bag from my father.

"It's okay," Carlisle said, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. "You ready?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "But let's go anyway."

One by one, I stood back and watched as the people I cared most about in this world slipped their boarding passes into the hands of the flight attendant standing next to the gate. First to take the courageous steps were Garrett and Kate, who had met us at the airport this morning. They had just finished their freshman year at the University of Washington. In the fall, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Alice, Edward, and I would be joining them. Though both Garrett and Kate received great scholarship offers from NYU and UCLA, neither of them had opted to take them. With a sheepish expression on his face, Garrett admitted that he couldn't handle the thought of being more than a few hours from me, not when he'd just gotten me back as a sister. Though I hated that they'd turned down such amazing offers, I was glad. I needed my big brother, too.

Angela went next, followed by Charlie and Renee. The last year had been good for my relationship with my younger sister and my birth parents. There had been a time when Angela hated me, the ghost of who I was at three years old, but somehow — and I'm still not sure how — we'd managed to put aside our differences and were now closer than ever. I considered her to not only be my sister, but one of my best friends, as well — even when she was being bitch.

It took me months to accept that Charlie and Renee were my birth parents, that they hadn't tossed me aside like yesterday's trash, and wanted to be a part of my life. I still couldn't bring myself to call them 'Mom and Dad,' although I did consider them to be my parents. They just weren't my mom and dad and after months of nearly killing myself from trying to keep them at arm's length; I was able to accept that they'd never given up hope of finding me again, but most importantly, they'd never stopped loving me.

"Bella, are you planning on boarding the plane?" Marcus asked, nudging me his shoulder.

"Yes," I whispered. "But I need to make sure they're on first."

"Why?" he asked, always being my therapist first and my friend second.

Looking up at him, I blinked back the tears that had filled my eyes. "Because I can't go there without them."

Marcus smiled. "That's a good reason."

"Glad you approve," I scoffed, shaking my head and turning back to the gate. "Are you sure I'm ready?"

"No," he admitted, and when I lifted an eyebrow at him, he laughed. "I'm not a wizard, Bella; I can't know everything. But you're here, aren't you? And you've only had one panic attack, and that was mild."

"True," I mused. "I wish Ben could have come with us. Doesn't feel right that he's not here."

"No, it doesn't, but his mom wouldn't listen to me," Marcus explained with a sigh.

I smiled, knowing that Marcus, Carlisle, and Charlie had all approached Ben's mother and tried to convince her to let her son travel across the country with us, but Beth Cheney refused, saying that Ben was only seventeen and not old enough to make such a trip, especially with his girlfriend going. Of course, it hadn't helped that she'd walked in on Ben and Angela while they were making out, and saw her son with his hand down my sister's pants and her hand down his. Shaking my head, I sighed. Charlie and Renee hadn't been any happier about the situation, but knew that Angela loved Ben and needed him to keep her safe. So they allowed the two to continue seeing each other, but laid down some heavy rules, which Angela and Ben mostly observed.

"She worries," I commented, shifting my eyes to my mother. "She's a mom, it's what they do."

"Good ones do," Marcus said before falling in line behind Emmett, Jasper, Rose, Alice, and Miranda, wrapping his arms around the love of his life.

Every Friday afternoon I attended therapy with Marcus, and most of the time, Edward, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Alice, Garrett, Ben, Angela, and I would go to The Warehouse and hang out. Sometimes I'd sing, while other times I couldn't get myself to get up on stage. That usually only happened after a particularly difficult session and it would take me a while to work through whatever issue that was plaguing me at the time. While I'd gotten better about sharing my feelings with my family, I still struggled with the idea that I was hurting them by being honest about how I felt. Fourteen years of being afraid that Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Jasper would suddenly decide I wasn't worth being a Cullen wasn't something I could fully get over in a less than two years. It was in those moments that I wanted nothing more than to be normal.

The sound of my mother laughing drew my attention to where she and Carlisle were standing. He had his arm around Esme's waist and was whispering in her ear. It was gross to watch them being so . . . mushy, but the fact that after twenty-two years of marriage, they were still madly, passionately in love with each other gave me hope that Edward and I would always be in love, too.

Esme shifted her eyes over to me, a smiling slipping over her lips as her cheeks were tainted with a soft pink. She slipped her hand into Carlisle's and led him over to the line, standing behind Marcus. With a look back at me, Carlisle simply lifted an eyebrow, telling me to make my choice. I could draw on the strength of my family and take the handful of steps needed to fall in line behind him, or I could hide away from the sun.

"Are you ready, Bella Cullen?" Edward asked, moving so that he was standing in front of me. He still had my hand firmly in his.

"I don't know, Edward Masen," I murmured.

Edward leaned down so that his lips were just outside of my ear and whispered, "I'm not letting you fall."

"I know." And I did know because in the twenty months since Edward had come into my life, he hadn't once pushed me to do more than I could and this wouldn't be any different. Taking a deep breath, I nodded. "Let's go."

Falling in behind my parents, Edward and I waited until it was our turn to hand over our boarding passes and then followed them down the tunnel and onto the plane. The rest of my family was already seated and when they saw me and Edward, they all seemed to take a breath of relief. Yeah, we were a dramatic bunch, but we'd come too far to let fear and doubt hold us back any longer.

Taking our seats in front of Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice, and across from Garrett, Kate, who were in front of Angela, Edward and I buckled our seatbelts and waited as the plane pulled away from the gate, rolled onto the runway, and lifted into the sky. For the first time in fifteen years, I was returning to Arizona.


	57. Outtake two

—AFTS—

_I could do this_, I thought to myself. _I was ready and I could do this._

Who was I kidding? I couldn't do this, and I definitely wasn't ready. Sighing, I slipped out from under the covers inside the hotel room I was sharing with Kate, Alice, Rose, and Angela. Somehow the five of us had crammed ourselves into the double-queen room. Alice and Rose shared a bed, while Angela and I took the other and Kate opted for the pull out sofa bed, though they'd all drifted off to sleep quickly while I struggled to turn my mind off.

Being quiet, I padded across the room and dug my red notebook out of my bag and slipped out of the room. Sliding to the floor, I leaned against the wall and flipped to the first empty page, which was about three from the back. I'd have to get a new one soon. I'd lost count on how many of these notebooks I'd filled over the last year and half, dozens it not hundreds. Sometimes pouring my feelings onto the lined paper helped, other times it didn't.

With a sigh, I dug the pencil out of the metal binding and began to write.

**Day 574**

**My heart is racing, and it's barely six in the morning. When we walked off our plane last night, I could feel the thick, dry heat — even from inside of the airport. It was late, already after dark thanks to the flight delays in Seattle, but I was okay with it. I'm not ready to be back in Arizona, to face a past I have no memories of living. **

**Marcus tells me it's going to be okay. Carlisle and Esme promise that everything will be alright. Charlie and Renee swear that they'll be with me every step of the away, as will Garrett, Angela, and everyone else. Edward — my amazing Edward — keeps his tight hold on me, keeping me from falling off the cliffs of doom and despair. God, I love him, need him, because today I am going home — so to speak. Arizona isn't my home; it hasn't been since a junky destroyed one family, while throwing me into another. Will he be there? Ready to strike with his cruel hand once again?**

"Bella?" I looked over and saw Edward standing in the doorway to the boys' room. His auburn hair was sticking up in every direction and his eyes were heavy. I suspected he hadn't slept much, either. "What are you doing out here?"

I shrugged my shoulders and held up my notebook. "Seemed like a good place."

Edward nodded before stepping into the hall and letting the door close behind him. Coming over to where I was sitting, he sat down next to me. "Want to talk about it?"

"No really," I muttered. "Just scared."

"I am, too," he said, and I raised an eyebrow in his direction. "I don't want to lose you, Bella Cullen. Not to the fear of being here, or the fear of not being strong enough to face the past. You're the most important person to me, and I'm scared that one day, I won't be able to hold on tight enough."

"You're such a silly boy," I whispered, turning and slipping my legs over his and nestling myself around his body. "You're the only person who can keep me from falling, Edward. I love you."

Edward pressed his lips to the top of my head. "I love you, too."

We stayed wrapped in each other's arms until we heard everyone moving around inside their rooms. With a sigh, we stood up and went to get ready. I still wasn't sure I was ready for today, but I had no choice but to face the task ahead. I had my family, and they wouldn't let me fail.

When I walked into the room, I found Rose, Alice, and Kate sitting on one bed, and heard the shower running. Rose, Alice, and Kate looked over at me, smiling and gesturing for me to join them, which I did. It was odd that less than two years ago the idea of being close to anyone other than Emmett and Jasper was a foreign concept for me; yet now, these crazy, exuberant girls were my best friends.

"Where have you been?" Alice asked, wiggling her eyebrows at me as I climbed onto the bed next to her.

"Out in the hall," I replied, feeling my cheeks warm from their penetrating gazes.

"Were you alone?" Kate asked, already knowing the answer based on the color on my face.

I bit my lip, and shook my head, hating the way just thinking about Edward caused me to blush. He loved it, and often made a point of doing everything he could to elicit a reaction. Of course, most of the time he did that by kissing me or touching me with his long, slender fingers.

"Oh, look at her face," Rose snickered, falling back against the headboard.

"Shut up, Rose," I laughed, shaking my head. "We weren't doing anything. I went out to write in my journal, and he just happened to come out there, too."

"Yeah, total coincidence," she scoffed.

"It was!" I giggled as the door to the bathroom opened and we all turned to see Angela come out.

"What's so funny?" she asked, smoothing down the front of her yellow sundress. Her long dark, hair hung in a wet mess around her face and down her back. I still couldn't see the resemblance between me and my younger sister, at least not physically. We were both stubborn and closed-off with sharing our feelings.

"Bella and Edward," Kate snickered, sliding off the bed and digging through her suitcase. "You know, how they always seem to be in the same place at the same time."

Angela rolled her eyes, though she smiled. "They're almost as bad as you and Garrett."

"What?" Kate gasped, spinning around and looking at my little sister. "We are nothing like them!"

"Whatever," Rose, Alice, Angela, and I said together, before we burst out laughing.

"Keep telling yourself that, Kate," Angela said, dragging her hair brush through her hair.

Kate pursed her lips together, but didn't refute anything that had been said. Instead, she grabbed her grabbed her clothes and headed into the bathroom to take a shower. Shaking my head, I stood up and walked over to my suitcase, sliding my red notebook under my clothes. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Angela watching me, but I couldn't bare my soul to her right then. I needed to focus on keeping myself together.

One by one we showered and dressed. Alice pulled out her iPad and set one of her playlists and we danced around the room while deciding what we wanted to wear, fixed our hair, and put on our make-up. Well, they put make-up on. I still wasn't into any of that girly stuff, no matter how much Alice, Rose, and Kate insisted that it was an important part of being a woman.

While I put a smile on my face, I was reeling on the inside. With each passing second, self-doubt filled my mind with ideas of being thrown away again, of being told that I wasn't wanted or needed, that I should just leave and never show my face again. Locally, I knew I was being silly, but Arizona had never been a place I wanted to come to.

"Are you going to chicken out?" I'd just packed my music book in my purse when Angela blurted out her question, causing the girls to stop what they were doing and turn to stare at the two of us. "You look like you're about to take off running. Are you?"

"Kind of want to," I admitted, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm terrified to be here."

"Me too," she murmured, sitting next to me.

"Why?" I asked. "This was your home, right?"

"I guess," she whispered, shifting her eyes up to mine. "But here we were always the people whose daughter was stolen, who never really moved on. We were angry, afraid, hiding behind a ghost . . ." Angela shook her head. "I didn't like always being labeled 'the little sister of that poor lost girl'. I don't want to be her again."

Nodding, I understood what she was saying, even if a part of me hurt. Angela had once told me that she felt like she lived in my shadow. Not mine, but Isabella's, the little girl I was once, but could never go back to again.

"I'm afraid that he'll be there," I whispered, unsure why I found myself confessing my sins. Angela gasped, but I kept speaking. "I don't want to disappear again, or lose the family I've fought for."

Angela reached over and grabbed my hand. "I won't let anyone take my sister from me, Bella — not ever again."


	58. Outtake three

—AFTS—

An hour later, we were ready to meet everyone in the lobby. Alice, Rose, and Kate hadn't uttered a sound about mine and Angela's confessions, knowing that neither of us were known for opening up about our feelings. Charlie and Renee were sitting with Carlisle and Esme when we stepped off the elevator, and while they tried to pretend otherwise, I could see the fear in their eyes. They were just as nervous as I was about being here.

Marcus and Miranda were standing at the front desk of the hotel, talking to man behind the desk. When the doors opened, they looked over at me. Marcus sighed, while Miranda placed a hand on his shoulder before walking over to me.

"He was worried," she whispered just loud enough for me to hear. Shifting my attention over to Marcus, I sighed. "Don't be angry with him. You know how he gets."

"I do," I murmured, giving her a reassuring smile. "I said I'd do this, and I will. Just don't expect me not to freak out."

"I know."

Miranda smiled, and once again I wondered how she could always be so cheerful after everything she'd been through. She would never know how she ended up in the dark, why she released, or who she was; yet she always smiled and laughed, did whatever she could to make me feel better. I envied her ability to hide her emotions.

"Come on," she said, tugging on my arm. "Go reassure him that you're okay."

"And if I'm not?" I asked.

"Then tell him."

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I wrapped my arms around myself and walked over to Marcus, aware that everyone was watching me. I don't know what they expected to happen when they broached the subject of coming to Arizona, but surely they had to have known that it would be nearly impossible for me not to struggle, right?

I stopped in front of Marcus, but didn't say anything. A million thoughts filled my head, but none of them made sense. Marcus placed his hand under my chin, tilting my head back so that he could look into my eyes.

"Talk to me," he whispered, ignoring the man standing behind the desk.

"I — I don't want to get lost again," I told him, my tone almost as soft as his. "Last time I was here, a man stole me away and left me alone. I'm afraid of getting lost again."

"Okay," he said, smiling. "But what's different this time?"

Sucking my bottom lip between my teeth, I tugged my chin from his hand and looked over at my family: Carlisle and Esme, Charlie and Renee, Emmett, Jasper, Garrett, Angela, Rose, Alice, Kate, and finally Edward. "They won't let me go."

"Exactly." Marcus slipped his arm around my shoulder and brought his lips down to the top of my head. "You can do this, Bella."

"I hope so," I murmured.

After a few more minutes, we loaded up in our rental cars and headed toward our first stop of the day: the house I'd been born in. Edward was sitting in the backseat of our rented suburban with my hand tucked firmly in his. Carlisle was driving, and Esme was in the passenger seat. Emmett and Jasper were in the seat between me and my parents, all of them casting nervous glances in my direction with each lane change and turn we made.

Ten minutes later, Carlisle stopped in front of a large, yellow house with white shutters and a large, wrap around porch. We climbed out and I looked over at Charlie, Renee, Garrett, and Angela, all of who were staring at the house with frowns. This had been their home for years after I'd been taken.

"It seemed . . . bigger," Garrett muttered, causing me to tear my attention off the house and look over at him. Kate was standing next to him, her arm wrapped around his waist and her head on his shoulder.

"When you're little, everything seems bigger than it really is," Charlie said before looking over his head at me.

I shifted my eyes away, looking back at the house. "Tell me about when we lived here."

"You used to beg to go play outside," Charlie said. A moment later, I felt his hand come down to rest on my shoulder, and I fought the urge to shake it off. "I'd sit on the steps and watch you chasing butterflies, and giggling. You laughed all the time."

Tears that I had been fighting slipped down my face, but I couldn't bring myself to wipe them away. Instead, I took a step toward the house, feeling the tension around me build as I moved from the sidewalk and into the yard. The grass was thick and luscious, and I had the urge to kick my shoes off and feel the softness beneath my feet. Closing my eyes, I tilted my head up toward the sun, trying to pull one memory of being her out of my subconscious, but nothing came to me — nothing but the feeling of sadness.

"You folks must be the Swans." I opened my eyes and looked up at the front door. An older man was standing on the porch, his silver hair combed neatly. He was wearing a pair of dark sweatpants and a white undershirt. A wide, friendly smile was stretched out on his face as he watched me standing in the middle of his front lawn.

"Mr. Volturi?" Charlie asked, walking past me and up the porch to where he waited.

"Yes, but please call me Aro," he insisted, his Italian accent thick.

"It's nice to meet you, Aro. I'm Charlie Swan. We talked on the phone." Charlie turned and looked over at me before shifting his eyes to Renee. "We can't thank you enough for allowing us to stop by like this."

"Oh, you're most welcome." Aro laughed, and I couldn't help but smile. "When you called, I have to admit that my interests were piqued. It's not every day that someone calls and asks to visit a house they haven't lived in for more than a decade."

"Yes, well, it's important to us," Charlie told him, looking over at me.

"I bought the house from the bank almost six years ago, so I don't know how much is still the same," Aro stated, turning and opening the front door. He looked back at Charlie. "Are you ready to come inside?"

"Um," Charlie hesitated, still looking at me.

I had a choice to make: either I could face my fears and follow my family inside the house, or I could run away and hide. With a simple nod, I wrapped my arms around myself and made the decision to walk up the front steps and stand next to Charlie. Renee, Garrett, Angela, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper followed us, and when I looked back I saw Marcus, Miranda, Kate, Alice, Rose, and Edward standing by the car.

"Aren't you coming?" I asked.

Though they all smiled, Edward shook his head. "You need to do this with them. We'll be here holding on."

I smiled, understanding the underlining meaning in his words. Turning back toward my family, I followed them inside the house, feeling like my heart was going to burst out of my chest.

We stepped into a small foyer; the carpet was a patchwork of different color squares. Almost like whoever had placed it couldn't decide between the colors and said 'fuck it'. The walks were white, and the trim was dark brown.

"Excuse the mess," Aro grumbled, waving toward a stack of books littering a table next to the wide staircase. "I meant to get take them back to the library yesterday."

"Are you a big reader?" I asked, drawing everyone's attention to me.

Aro smiled. "Some of the best adventures of my life came from a book."

"Mine too," I agreed.

"Oh, young one, your adventures are just beginning," he murmured, before turning and leading us into the living room. The walls were white in here, too, but the carpet was a deep brown. There was a large bay window that faced the front yard, along with a window seat.

"Our couch was here," Renee said, moving over to the far wall and looking over at me. "This is the spot where you were born, sweetheart."

Nodding, I struggled with the words that were nestled inside my throat as I walked over to where she was standing. I looked around the room, trying to imagine Renee waddling around with me inside of her tummy, Garrett chasing after her, or anything that would make sense to me, but there was nothing.

Sighing, I shook my head. "I — I don't . . ."

"It's okay," Renee said, brushing her fingers over my cheek. "You and Garrett would sneak down here every Saturday morning and watch cartoons. You weren't able to get into the fridge, but you both would get the box of cereal out of the pantry and eat it dry."

"I don't like milk on my cereal," I murmured. "Maybe that's why."

"Maybe."

"Through here is the kitchen," Aro said, leading us through the house and into the kitchen. It was incredible. The cabinets were tall, and had glass doors; there were granite countertops, and the latest appliances. "This was the only room my wife remodeled after we bought the house." He smiled and walked over to a set of double doors. "The pantry was the only room she didn't want changed."

"Wow," I murmured, walking into the large pantry. "It's incredible."

"Bella," Charlie called and I looked over at him. He was kneeling next to the door with a huge smile on his face. "Come here."

I took the handful of steps to him and knelt next to him. Smiling even bigger, he pointed to the doorjamb. "We used to measure here. See?"

My eyes filled with tears as I looked at where he was pointing. Etched into the wood were three handfuls of lines with numbers next to them. Eight of them had a G next to them, while five had A's, but three of them — toward the bottom — had I's. Bringing my hand up to my mouth, I tried to stifle the sob that spilled from between my lips, but I couldn't.

"How old?" I choked out. "How old was I when you took the first one?"

"A year," Charlie whispered. "It was nearly impossible to keep you still, but we eventually got it done. We did one every year, after your birthday."

Unsure of what to say, I ran my finger over the first one, wishing now more than ever that I had that memory.

"I hated when we did that," Garrett said, breaking up the silence that filled the room. We all looked over at him. His cheeks turned bright red. "You always waited until I was watching TV, then you'd want to do it. I think you did it on purpose."

"Would I do that?" Charlie asked with a smile on his face.

"Yes," Garrett, Angela, and Renee said, while the rest of us laughed.

"Okay, so maybe I would."

After touring the rest of the downstairs, we followed Aro upstairs. We stopped outside of the master bedroom first — the room that used to be Charlie and Renee's. They told me how they'd wake up in the middle of the night and find me sleeping between them. From their room, we walked over to Garrett's room and them to Angela's, which wasn't half as big as Garrett's, something she muttered under her breath about being unfair.

Finally, we moved to the fourth bedroom — the one that used to belong to me. With trembling feet, I followed them inside. The room was big, the walls painted a soft butter yellow. Two large windows sat on the far side of the room, providing enough light to fill the room. There were built-in oak shelves along one wall, and a large walk-in closet that connected to Angela's room.

Wrapping my arms around my torso, I looked around, trying to remember the three years I lived here, but there were no memories. I hated that I couldn't remember anything, not one part of who I used to be. Feeling overwhelmed, I shook my head and looked at my parents.

"I can't . . ." I trailed off, feeling my eyes fill up with tears again. "I need to leave. Please."

"Okay, sweetheart," Esme said, slipping her arm around my waist and leading me out of the room.

I felt weak and stupid for allowing my emotions to get the best of me, but it was hard being inside that house knowing it was once my home. Rushing downstairs, I pulled away from Esme and burst through the front door, gasping for air as I stumbled down the front steps and fell to my knees in the grass. In a heartbeat, Edward had me in his arms, holding me as tight as he could. I curled my fingers around the front of his shirt, all in an effort to feel closer to him.

"Shh, baby, it's okay," he whispered. I could hear the rest of my family around me, but I couldn't look at them.

"Bella." I looked up at Marcus, who was kneeling next to Edward. "Talk to me."

"I want to remember," I cried. "I want those memories more than anything, but they aren't there. It's not fair!"

"No, it's not," he murmured, reaching out and taking my hand.

"I just wanted something — anything — that would, I don't know, bind or whatever," I whimpered. "Stupid, I know."

"It's not stupid," Charlie said, and I looked over at him. "Bella, I wish more than anything that you could remember the three years you were my daughter, but you can't. It doesn't make you any less ours."

"Promise?" I wept.

"I promise," he vowed, stumbling down the steps and kneeling in front of me. "I promise, sweetheart."

Throwing my arms around him, I allowed Charlie to hold me, to be my father for just a few moments. His body shook, and his tears burned into my skin. After a few minutes, we pulled apart and I looked over, finding Aro standing on his porch with a frown on his face.

Brushing the moisture off my cheeks, I stood up. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me, young one," Aro scoffed, waving me off. "Like I said, your adventures are just beginning."

Without another word, Aro turned and walked into his house, closing the front door behind him. Wrapping her arm around me, Esme insisted that we go get something for lunch, stating that we needed some time to regroup before we headed toward our next destination. So we loaded back into our cars and headed toward one of Charlie and Renee's favorite restaurants, a small Mexican place that had the best homemade tortillas I'd ever eaten.


	59. Outtake Four

—AFTS—

After we'd all eaten as much as we could, it was time for part two of our day, the part I hadn't been looking forward to one little bit, but I knew it was the most important part. We'd gone to the house I'd lived in until I was taken by a junkie, now it was time for me to go to the park Renee and I had spent the day at, the one that changed all of our lives.

Ten minutes later, Carlisle pulled the suburban into the parking lot of the large park. As we climbed out, I could feel my heart racing. For months after I learned that Charlie and Renee were my birth parents, I'd had nightmares about this park. Every detail from where the swings were to the position of the slide came slamming back at me. Tears filled my eyes and I turned and buried my face in Edward's chest.

"Bella." I peeked over at Esme, who was standing in Carlisle's arms. "What's wrong sweetheart?"

"This — this place," I cried, "I know it."

"You remember being here?" Renee gasped.

I nodded and whispered, "From my nightmares."

Realization dawned on Renee and Charlie's faces and a mixture of emotions filling their eyes: anger, sadness, pain, and longing.

"Oh," she murmured. "Mine too."

"Which is why we're here," Marcus said, looking from her to me. "To face your pasts." He turned to Renee. "Tell her about the day you brought her here."

Sorrow filled Renee's face, but she began to speak. "We got here just before one that afternoon. Angela had been up all night crying, and . . ." Renee took a deep breath. "Bella had begged me to bring her to the park. Even though I was so tired, I knew she needed me."

"How'd you know?" Marcus asked.

"Her eyes," Renee whispered. "Her eyes were full of need. She needed me to remind her that I loved her, that Angela hadn't replaced her in my heart. I couldn't tell her no, not when I looked into her eyes. Since Charlie was home, I thought it would be nice to spend the afternoon with my beautiful girl so I left him home with Garrett and Angela, and Bella and I came to the park." She paused and looked around, pointing to a parking space halfway down the block. "We parked there, and the moment Bella was out of the car, she ran toward the swings, begging me to push her. I pushed her until my arms felt like they were going to fall off," she laughed, through her tears. "The sound of your giggles wrapped around me, and I suddenly didn't care how tired I was. I loved listening to you giggle."

"Then what did we do?" I asked, causing Marcus to smile and step back.

Renee reached for me, and I took her hand, letting her lead me through the park. "You wanted to go down the slide, but I was scared to let you go alone because you'd never done it before. Usually Garrett or Charlie went with you, but you told me you were a big girl and for me to catch you. So I moved to the bottom of the slide and waited until you climbed to the top."

"Did I go by myself?" I asked.

"No." Renee laughed. "You got scared and started crying, so I climbed up and held you on my lap as we went down. Then you begged to go again and again. I think we went down the slide fifty times before you got bored."

"What'd we do next?"

"Um," Renee thought, looking around. "I was tired, so we sat in the sandbox and you tried to build a sandcastle, but the sand was too dry and wouldn't stick together so you started burying your feet, all while giggling and laughing." Closing her eyes, she brought her hand up to her mouth. "I'll never forget the look of happiness in your eyes."

"How long did we stay?" I asked.

"Um, it was just after four when I told you it was time to go home. I knew Angela would need another feeding. You didn't want to go home, said Angela —"

"The baby will be at home," I whispered, causing everyone to look over at me. "Then you won't be able to play with me anymore."

"Yes!" Renee exclaimed, eyes wide open. "You remember that?"

"I — I think so," I cried. "One of the nightmares I used to have a lot was of a little girl chasing after you, but before she could reach you, he — I — I mean, the guy from my nightmares would grab her and . . ."

"And?" Marcus asked.

"He'd throw me off the cliffs," I whispered, shifting my eyes away from everyone. I knew it was still hard for them to hear how close I'd come to ending my life. My anger and the pain of learning who my birth parents were had sent me spiraling out of control. If Edward hadn't pulled me up, I would be dead.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Marcus asked.

"I didn't like talking about that nightmare," I admitted. "I still don't."

"Hmm, we'll be changing that," he muttered, glaring at me before turning to Renee. "What happened next?"

"Um," she said, taking a deep breath. "I told her — you — that Angela loved you and needed you. We got back into the car and started to drive home. You were so tired that you fell asleep the moment I strapped you into your car seat, but . . . we'd . . .only gotten . . .about few blocks," she cried. Charlie pulled her into his arms. "I should have fought him, saved you from everything."

"He would have killed you," I whispered, causing her to look at me. "He was high and desperate, right?"

Renee nodded, allowing Charlie to hold her in his arms.

"He had enough sense to leave me outside of a hospital," I said. "He could have left me with someone worse, like a child molester, or I don't know, on the side of the road, but he didn't. He took me somewhere that he knew I would be found."

"That's true," Marcus agreed with a nod. He looked at Renee and Charlie. "What do you two think about that?"

"Just because that asshole had a moment of clarity and decided to do something good, doesn't excuse the fact that he stole my daughter," Charlie grumbled. He looked at Carlisle and Esme. "I thank God every day that Bella found her way into your family, but I wish to hell that I could have been her father. I miss being able to hold her when she's scared, hearing her call me 'daddy', and . . ."

Charlie shook his head, bringing his hand up to his mouth, trying his hardest to stifle his tears, but failed miserably.

Wrapping my arms around my torso, I closed my eyes. "You are my father." I heard Charlie's deep intake of air, but couldn't bring myself to look at him. "You may not be my 'daddy', but you are my father, Charlie. When I get scared, I think about how you'd handle it, and . . ."

"And what, Bella?" Marcus prompted.

Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and looked at Charlie. "I wonder what it'd feel like to feel your arms around me, holding me like I was scared little girl, crying for her mommy and daddy to find her. I think about it every day."

"Carlisle, how does that make you feel?" Marcus asked, and I looked at my father, noticing the tears he battled to keep from falling.

"Honestly, I don't like it," he murmured, shifting his eyes to me. "I want to be the only man who makes the monsters go away, sweetheart, but I'm not. I've accepted that Charlie is your father, that you need him in your life, too."

"I know," I whispered.

"Esme," Marcus said.

"It's hard," she admitted, looking from me to Renee. "When Bella came into our home, I loved her immediately. She would climb into my lap and place her hand over my heart and just cry, whispering over and over that she wanted her mommy and daddy. Part of me — a very selfish part — didn't want you found," Esme cried, shaking her head. She brought her hand up to her mouth. "I know that makes me a terrible person, but I love Bella. She became my daughter the moment Tanya carried her into our house."

"You're not selfish," Renee murmured, turning into Charlie's embrace and laying her head on his chest. "You're a mom, who saw a beautiful little girl who needed you, Esme. You became her mother, because she needed you to be the one to hold her when she cried, when she was scared, and to make her smile again."

"Bella," Marcus called out, and I looked at him. "What do you think about what they've said?"

"I don't know what to think," I told him honestly. Turning my attention to Charlie and Renee, I sighed. "I love you both, and you're my parents, I've accepted that fact long ago. Sometimes, I still feel anger that it took so long for you to find me, and I'm not blaming you, but there are times when it's hard not to let it overwhelm me."

"We understand that, honey," Renee said, though I could see the hurt in her eyes.

"All we want is for you to be happy," Charlie added.

I nodded, unsure of what else to say, and looked over at Carlisle and Esme. "I don't regret my life with you, or Emmett and Jasper," I smiled at my brothers, who had been standing next to Rose and Alice quietly. They understood how hard today had been for all of us. "You gave me the family I needed when I was lost. And I hate that it hurts you to have to share me with Charlie, Renee, Garrett, and Angela."

"That's not what —"

I put my hand up, stopping Carlisle before he could continue. "I know that's not what you meant, but it's the truth. I'm the common factor that has drawn two families together. Three, if we count Edward and his parents, which I do." I paused thinking about Ed and Elizabeth Masen. I had wanted them to come with us, but it was too hard for Elizabeth to travel, so they opted to stay back in Forks. "Sometimes, it's hard not to feel like everyone is expecting more than I give, but mostly, I feel relieved that I don't have to choose. That I can have Charlie and Renee as my father and mother, that Garrett can be my brother, while Angela is my sister."

"You've come a long way in a short amount of time, Bella," Marcus stated, smiling at me. He looked around at everyone. "All of you have come a long way in a short amount of time. When you first started coming to see me, there wasn't one of you who wasn't angry and bitter, holding onto the pain and letting it fester under the surface. The reason we came to Arizona, that we went to that house, that we came to this park, wasn't just because of Bella, or just not because of her, anyway. Each of you has part in her story."

Marcus turned his attention to Charlie and Renee. "You were here parents, her safety net for the first three years of her life. While she can't remember you, your influence over her helped to create the amazing woman she is now." He turned and looked at Garrett and Angela. "The bond between siblings, by blood or not," he added, looking at Emmett and Jasper, "is a gift. The five of you, and Kate, Rose, Alice, Ben, and Edward will carry you through the rest of your lives. Embrace it, cherish it, because not everyone is lucky enough to have their best friends be their siblings."

Smiling, I knew what he said was the truth. Garrett, Angela, Emmett, and Jasper were my best friends, just as Rose, Alice, Kate, and Ben were. But most of all, Edward was the love of my life.

"Carlisle and Esme," Marcus mused with a breathless smile. "Taking in a child like Bella, nestling her into your embraces and loving her as if she had been born to you is an amazing gift, but acknowledging that she had a need for her birth parents to be a part of her life, and to put aside the fear and doubt of letting them have a piece of her is even bigger. You're the rock that held that girl together for fifteen years now. Never forget that you are her mommy and her daddy."

"We won't," Carlisle whimpered, his chin wobbling and his eyes filled with tears. He looked over at me. "Ever."

"I love you, Daddy," I cried, rushing over and throwing myself in their arms.

Carlisle and Esme held me, whispering their love to me as those around us cried with us. Once I was a lost little girl, grieving for the loss of her parents, and begging for them to come save her, but now, I know they found me, never once holding me away from the sun.


	60. Outtake Five

—AFTS—

I thought returning to Arizona was hard. That was nothing compared to taking Charlie, Renee, Garrett, and Angela to Los Angeles. But like I needed see the parts of my life before a mad-man stole me away and left me alone, they needed to see the world I'd grown up in, where I'd spent the fourteen years of my life they missed out on.

The day after we found ourselves confesses our true feelings at the edge of the very park that had haunted me for months, my family and I once again found ourselves at the airport waiting for yet another plane. This time, however, we were preparing to go to L.A., and not back to Forks. As he always was, Edward was at my side, holding my hand, reassuring me that everything would be okay. I was so thankful for him.

"Bella Cullen," he murmured, lowering his lips to my ear. I smiled and shivered, and I felt his lips curve upward into his usual sexy smirk.

"What?" I asked, breathlessly, doing my best not to look at him.

"Bella Cullen," he whispered again, and once more, I resisted the urge to look at him. It's what he wanted. He was luring me into his little game of cat and mouse. "Baby, don't make me play mean."

"I can't make you do anything, love," I murmured, but I shifted my eyes to him. Just as I expected, he was looking at me like I hung the moon, like I was his everything, and he didn't see anyone else. My breath caught in my chest. "Edward."

"I love you," he whispered, closing the distance between our lips.

"I love you, too," I echoed.

"Flight 3455 to Los Angeles is now boarding."

Blowing out a deep breath, I shifted my eyes to my family, all of whom were waiting for me to make the first move. One by one, they stepped forward. Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice first, followed by Garrett, Kate, and Angela. Carlisle and Esme joined the line, leaving just me, Edward, Charlie, Renee, Miranda, and Marcus, who was watching me intensely to see how I'd react, see if I'd have another panic attack. I wasn't sure I wouldn't, but Charlie and Renee needed me to be strong for them, so I put the biggest smile on my face, tightened my hold on Edward's hand, and stepped in line behind my father.

Marcus leaned down and placed his lips just outside of me ear. "You're stronger than you think you are."

"I hope so," I murmured, because I was terrified about my two worlds colliding. In Los Angeles, I'd always just been Isabella Cullen, the girl who was found abandoned. In Forks, I'd become Isabella Swan, the girl who had once been lost but was now found. I just wanted to be Bella. Just me, just a girl finding her way in the world.

Marcus and Miranda slipped to the front of the line and watched as the rest of us filed past the flight attendant, down the tunnel to our plane. Charlie and Renee seemed almost as nervous as I was to be going to California, and I hated that they would once again be reminded of the years they'd lost with me, the years that had turned them from being my mommy and daddy to being my birthparents.

As we buckled into our seats, Charlie reached across the aisle, wrapping his hand around mine. "Do me a favor?" he murmured, and I was vaguely aware that everyone was watching us.

"Depends," I said, causing him to smile.

"Going to Phoenix was hard on all of us, but especially on you because it was new and different. There was so much pain mixed in with the happiness, and I know it was a lot to ask of you. But now I'm going to be selfish and ask that when we get to L.A., that you don't hold back." Charlie reached over with his other hand, wrapping his fingers around Renee's, who had shifted her body so that she was facing both of us. "We love you so much, and this is our chance to really get to know you and the life you had before Forks."

"I can't promise that I won't struggle to hold back parts of my life there, but I will try to be open and honest with how I feel," I offered. "Is that good enough?"

"Always has been, always will be," he murmured, giving my hand a squeeze before releasing his hold.

Our flight from Arizona to Los Angeles took just over an hour, and I spent the entire trip clutching onto Edward's hand. He, on the other hand, did everything he could to keep me distracted. First by whispering in my ear and reassuring me that everything was okay, that he loved me, that my family loved me, and then by simply kissing me. The single act had me blushing bright red, like I always did around him.

As we had done when we landed in Phoenix, the minute our plane stopped at our gate, we gathered our belongings and walked into the airport. Dozens of people milled around us, some chatting to each other casually, while others were rushing to their gates, muttering about being late. However, it was the person standing ten yards from the gate that had mine and everyone's attention.

Angela threw her carry-on bag to the ground and took off running, leapt into Ben's arms, and wrapped her body around his. As we stood back and watched them, I noticed the way her shoulders shook, and I could hear the muffled cries coming from my sister.

"What are you doing here?" Angela asked, leaning back just enough to look at him.

Ben smiled. "I'm here for you."

"But your mom . . ." She trailed off and shook her head. "I thought she wouldn't let you come."

"Well," he started, looking embarrassed, "after Marcus called, she and I had a long talk. Once I explained her exactly what the trip was about and everything, she relented. Of course, there are a few stipulations, like we can't be left alone, but here I am."

"Wait!" I said, shifting my attention from Ben and Angela, to Marcus, who looked smug. "You called his mom?"

He nodded.

"Why?" I asked.

Marcus smiled. "Because Angela needs him."

"I really do," Angela whispered, and when I looked over at her, I saw her with her head resting on his chest. Where Edward was my rock, my salvation, Ben was that person for Angela. She'd grown up in my shadow, or Isabella's shadow, and it hadn't been easy for her to let go of her anger, just like it hadn't been easy for me.

"You okay?" Marcus asked, eyeing me closely.

Nodding, I bit my lip and did my best to blink back my tears. And I was okay. Marcus was looking after my sister, trying to make this as easy on her as he could, and for that, I was thankful.

—AFTS—

Once again, I found myself too nervous to sleep. Leaving Alice, Rose, Kate, and Angela asleep in our hotel room, I slowly made my way out into the hallway with my music book and iPod, prepared to attempt to lose myself in a song, but stopped short when Charlie walked out of the room across the hall from mine. He smiled as he looked over at me.

"Can't sleep, either, huh?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Too wired, I guess."

"Same here," Charlie laughed. "Had too much caffeine yesterday. The older I get, the harder that crap is on me." He paused. "I was going to check out the gym for a while. Do you, maybe, want to go with me?"

"Um, yeah, okay. But if air hurts me, I'm blaming you," I said, lifting an eyebrow.

Charlie's lips twitched as he fought a smile. "Deal."

Together, the two of us made our way down the hallway to the elevator. I'd fought so hard to keep him and Renee out of my life, determined that I could live without them. And if I hadn't found them in Forks, hadn't learned that they were my birth parents, I could have lived the rest of my life being almost happy. Almost because there was so much about my life that only they knew about. Now, I didn't wonder when my birthday was, what my middle name was, or if I was at risk for heart disease. I'd finally learned who I was, which helped me know who I am now. I finally felt like I'd come full circle.

"You coming?"

Shaking my head, I realized that Charlie was holding the doors to the elevator open, waiting for me to follow. "Yeah."

I followed him across the lobby to where the pool, sauna, and gym were located. The gym was empty. There were a couple of treadmills, an elliptical machine, a few exercise bikes, and two racks of dumbbells.

"So, what are you starting on?" I asked, looking over at him.

He pursed his lips together and looked around. "Think the treadmill is safe?"

"I don't know," I admitted, warily. "I mean, it could be air trying to trap us into a false sense of safety just before it springs its evil trap on us."

Charlie nodded. "I think I'm going to risk it, though. How about you?"

"I suppose so," I said, dramatically. "But if I get hurt, I'm telling my mom it's your fault."

Giving me a smirk, he said, "Go ahead. Esme won't believe you."

"No, she won't," I murmured, knowing he was right. Though it had been difficult for Carlisle and Esme, they'd become very close to Charlie and Renee. At one point, their close friendship had been excruciating for me to handle, but now, I was glad they had each other. "Okay, let's get this shit . . ." I threw Charlie a sweet smile, ". . . I mean, crap over with."

"That's the spirit!" Charlie cheered, choosing the bigger of the two treadmill. While he set a fast pace, I wasn't stupid. I set mine at barely a trot, knowing that if I fell and got hurt, he'd never forgive himself. Charlie needed to keep me safe, just as much as I needed him to always be there.

—AFTS—

Tanya and Seth were waiting for us in the lobby when we came down. I hadn't seen them since Easter. Their heavy workload always made it impossible for them to spend Christmas with us. There was something about the holiday season that caused them to have more kids who needed them, who needed someone to save them from whatever obstacle life had thrown in their way. Tanya had been that person for me when I needed her, when I found myself lost without anyone knowing who I was. She'd brought me to my family.

Smiling, I rushed across the lobby and threw myself in their waiting arms. The moment they were holding me, the damn broke and I found myself weeping.

"Shh, sweetheart, it's okay," Seth soothed, his lips finding the top of my head.

"I know," I wept. "I've missed you."

"We've missed you, too," he said, and when I lifted my head up, I saw a smile on his face. "Are you happy, Bella?"

I nodded. "I am."

"And are you sure you're ready to do this?" Tanya asked.

I looked over at her. "No," I admitted. "But like I needed to know my home for the first three years of my life, they need to know about my home for the next fourteen."

Tanya smiled. "They do." She shifted her eyes over my shoulder at everyone. "Looks like I finally kept that promise, huh?"

Once more, I found myself nodding, because she had. It had taken her longer than we expected, but she'd found my parents — both birth and adoptive — but more than that, she'd found my family. I had brother, sisters, and friends who cared about me, who just wanted me to be happy. It hadn't been easy, but for the first time in my life, I didn't feel lost anymore.

"Well, are you all about ready?" Tanya asked, clearing hear throat as she wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

A general murmur of agreement trickled throughout the group, though I noticed the way Charlie, Renee, Garrett, and Angela were tense and awkward, clearly unsure if they were ready for this or not. I understood their feelings. I'd felt the same way as we found ourselves back in Arizona.

Taking a deep breath, I pulled away from Seth and Tanya and walked over to Charlie and Renee, offering them each one of my hands. They looked from my hands up to my face, tears filling their eyes.

"Come on," I whispered.

Slowly, almost to the point of it being overly-dramatic, they wrapped their fingers around mine. Without looking at the rest of my family, without relying on them to hold me and sooth away my frazzled nerves, I led Charlie and Renee out of the hotel and out to our cars.

The drive from the hotel to our first stop was tense and awkward. When we made the decision to travel to Arizona, Marcus told us that it was important for them to see my life in L.A., too, which meant starting at the hospital where I'd been left. In all the years that I'd lived in the city, I'd never returned to that hospital. A part of me had been afraid that if I did, I'd lose my mom and dad, lose my brothers. Carlisle and Esme understood my fears and never pushed me to confront the building that changed my life. Maybe if they had, I wouldn't have had such a difficult time accepting Charlie and Renee, or maybe not. I'd lived in the vicious circle of 'what ifs' for too long, and I refused to go back to that place. It'd almost cost me my life, almost cost me the family I'd longed for but struggled to accept.

We parked in the visitors' lot and climbed out, following Tanya through the hospital into the emergency room, and out through the ambulance bay doors. Stopping just outside of the doors, she brought her hand up against the side of the building and looked over her shoulder at me. "This is where you were found. This exact spot."

Blowing out a heavy breath, I walked over to her, placing my hand on the building. The tears I'd been fought all morning broke free and fell carelessly down my face. "Tell me more," I whimpered.

"Reagan, the nurse who found you, had come out for a smoke break. She told me that she found you curled up against the wall, that you were crying. She said it took her a few minutes to convince you to let her take you inside. It was cold that night, and all you had on was a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. You didn't even have shoes on."

"We'd taken them off at the park," Renee murmured, and I looked over at her. "You wanted to bury your feet in the sand, so we took them off. And when it was time to go, you refused to put them back on. I was too tired to fight you about it, so I left them off and put them in the seat next to you. I guess he didn't think about leaving your shoes, too."

"Reagan did say that her feet were dirty and we found sand between her toes," Tanya murmured, placing her hand on my shoulder. I looked over at her. "Are you ready to go inside?"

I nodded, unable to speak.

She smiled as she led us back through the set of automatic doors. The nurses and doctors standing behind the counter watched us with piercing looks, and I suspected that Tanya had briefed them about our visit before we arrived. In the back of the group, however, stood an older woman with short gray hair and large blue eyes. She walked around her co-workers, her hand coming up to cover her lips. There was something oddly familiar about her, almost like from a dream.

"Is this her?" the woman asked, tilting her heard toward me, but directing her question to Tanya.

My aunt smiled and nodded. "Bella, this is Reagan."

I inhaled a sharp breath as I looked back at the woman who had found me that night. "Oh."

"I've thought about you so many times over the years," the woman said, walking over to me and taking my hands in hers. "Your aunt would come in and tell me about you, tell me how you were. I always wanted to meet you again, but I didn't want to push you."

I wasn't sure what to say. Here was the woman who'd saved my life, saved me from getting lost. "Um, I . . . um," I trailed off and shook my head, unable to organize my thoughts enough to actually speak.

"It's okay, dear," Reagan murmured, keeping my hands in hers as she reached up and placed her other hand on my cheek. "Would you like to see the room I took you to?"

My head bobbed up and down, and tears sprinkled across my cheeks. Smiling, she wrapped her arm around my shoulder and led us down the hallway, past her co-workers, who were still watching us with bated breath. She stopped in front of room number six, and with a look back at me, she pushed it open.

I took a deep breath as I stepped inside and looked around. It wasn't any different than the emergency rooms I'd been in before. There was a bed, a couple chairs, a cabinet that held supplies, a trashcan, but at the same time, it felt so different, so personal. I could almost picture myself laying on that bed, imagine the blanket pulled up to my chin as I cried and begged for them to find my mommy and daddy.

"It was late," Reagan said, drawing our attention to her. "When I found you, it was late. Nearly two in the morning."

"Some might call that early," Charlie murmured, and when everyone turned and looked at him, he blushed and added, "She wasn't hurt, right? Just cold and tired?"

Reagan smiled. "No, she didn't have a mark on her. Once I talked her into coming inside, she wouldn't let me put her down, so I held her while one of the doctors —" Both Charlie and Renee inhaled a sharp breath, "— a female doctor," she amended, "did a quick check-up. She was freezing, so we got her a warm blanket, and she was hungry. I ordered a pizza. There was this little place about four blocks away at the time, and they were open all night. They had the best pizzas." Reagan paused and laughed. "She ate three slices! I had never seen a child eat so much."

"She always liked pizza," Renee whimpered, and I turned and grabbed her hand, knowing how difficult this had to be for her. "What happened next?"

"She was tired, and it was so late. She fell asleep in my arms. I tried to lay her down, but she refused. Every time I tried, she cried." Reagan shifted her eyes to me. "So I held you for hours while you slept. When my shift was over, I just couldn't bear to leave you alone. Tanya hadn't gotten here yet, and you were so fragile. I called my husband and told him that he had to get our girls ready off to school, that there was a little one who needed me."

"Was he mad?" I whispered.

She shook her head no. "For a moment, he didn't say anything. Then he said, 'Hold her tight, darlin'. I've got things here.'" Reagan wiped a tear from her cheek. "He was an amazing man, who understood that sometimes, my patients needed me."

"Was?" I whimpered.

"Greg passed a few years ago after a long battle with cancer," she explained.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, feeling like an idiot for bringing him up.

"Don't be," she said, smiling. "He lived a good life. He got to see our girls grow up, get married, start families of their own. I miss him, but I know that one day, I'll see him again." Taking another moment for herself, she turned her attention back to the room. "Tanya arrived just after nine, along with the police."

Clearing her throat, Tanya pulled our attention to her. "When I arrived, you were barely hanging on, Bella. It took nearly three hours before you'd speak to me, and the police kept asking you what your name was, where you were from, anything that could lead us to where you'd come from, but you couldn't tell them anything."

"Except that my name was Isabella and it was hot," I whispered. "I remember that much."

"We put together all the information we had and put out an all-points bulletin, but we didn't get any solid hits. A lot of attention seekers, but nothing real. And after a very long day, I knew that Bella needed stability, she needed comfort," Tanya said, placing her hand on her chest. "I knew she was special, that she wasn't like the other children that I'd been called to help. She wasn't being neglected, and there weren't any signs of abuse. She was different, and I couldn't bring myself to send her to group home, or an overcrowded foster home. Esme and Carlisle had just been approved to take in foster kids, so I made the decision that — if they agreed — I'd take Bella to them."

"And of course we agreed," Esme added, causing everyone to look over at her. "How could we not? She needed us."

An awkward silence filled the room, and it was clear to me that nobody was sure what to say next. This room had changed all of our lives.

—AFTS—

You know how when you're little, everything seems so huge? Trees look to be a hundred feet tall and the road seems twice as wide? That's how I felt standing in front of the house I'd grown up in. It had only been two years since we left Los Angeles, yet the large, brick house seemed three times as big as when I watched it fading away in the rear view mirror.

"This is just . . ." Emmett shook his head and looked over at me. He had his arm wrapped around Rose's waist. "Weird?"

"It is," I agreed, smiling at him.

Jasper pulled away from Alice and walked across the front yard to a large oak tree. Running his hand over the bark, he smiled. "Bell, Em, come look."

Stepping away from Edward, Rose, and the rest of our family, Emmett and I joined Jasper. Etched into the tree were our initials: EC, JC, and IC. I was almost nine when Jasper, who had just received his first pocketknife for his birthday. It was hot outside and Esme had kicked us out of the house, saying that we needed to get out from in front of the television and get some fresh air. We grumbled and laid out in the grass, whining about the heat and how we were bored when Jasper stood up and started carving into the tree. When I asked him what he was doing, he just shrugged his shoulders and said he was leaving our mark. Every time I walked past the tree, every time I found myself struggling with who I was or who I wanted to be, I found myself standing under the tree, letting our initials remind me that I had a family, that I wasn't lost and alone anymore.

"Seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?" Jasper murmured. "Back before Alice and Rose and Edward, back when it was just the three of us."

"Remember how pissed we were about moving?" Emmett laughed softly.

"Yeah," I whispered, reaching up and dragging my fingers over the letters. "I was scared. You know how I am with change."

"We do," Jasper muttered.

"The unknown, new people, knowing that they'd be curious about us." I paused and blinked back my tears. "About me. I didn't want to leave here. A part me wondered if I'd get lost again, and I did for a while. I found myself away from the sun, hiding in the shadows because I was too scared to see that there were people who loved me, people who wanted me. I was afraid that I would lose the only family I had. Still am, sometimes."

"We were supposed to go to Forks, though." Emmett bumped me with his shoulder. "You were supposed to find them, find Edward. Just like I was supposed to Rose."

"And Alice was meant for me," Jasper added, causing us to look at him. "I love her."

I smiled. "I know you do."

"It's been a rough couple years," Emmett admitted. "I wasn't ready to share you, Bella. Not with Charlie and Renee, or Garrett and Angela. And certainly not with Edward," he added with a frown, and I knew how hard it was for him to see me needing someone else. I'd relied on him and Jasper for so long. "But if I've learned anything over the last couple of years is that you can never have too much family."

"Even though you're both assholes sometimes, you know I love you, don't you?" I murmured.

"Of course we do," Jasper laughed, slinging his arm around my shoulder.

"Yeah, Bell. We've got you, remember?"

"It's your jobs, right?" I asked. "As my brothers?"

"Fuck yeah!" they cheered, loudly, but when Esme cleared her throat, they both flinched and looked over their shoulders at her to where she was standing with a frown on her face, even though Carlisle was struggling not to laugh. "Sorry, Ma."

"Whatever," she scoffed. "I've given up trying to keep you three from cursing."

"Sure you have, Mom," I said, turning and walking back over to them. "But the next time Emmett drops an f-bomb, or Jasper calls someone an A-hole, you'll be chewing their ass . . . . I mean, butts out."

"Probably," Esme admitted, nodding. She shifted her eyes up to the house. "Are you ready?"

I inhaled a deep breath and looked over at Charlie, Renee, Garrett, and Angela, all of whom seemed as terrified to be standing here as I did when I found myself standing in front of their house in Arizona. "I don't know."

"You know, I've imagined this place so many times," Renee whimpered, and Charlie automatically had her in his arms. "There are so many memories locked way in there. You losing your first tooth, first day of school, Christmas, birthdays, nights spent watching the stars. I want those memories," she cried, wrapping her fingers around the front of Charlie's shirt.

"I can't give them to you," I wept, bringing my arms up around my torso. In a heartbeat, Edward was behind me: holding me, keeping me from falling off the ledge of despair.

"I know, but I was supposed to be your mother," she blubbered.

"But you weren't," Marcus said as he walked over to her, placing his hand on his shoulder. "You weren't her mother. Esme was. And I know that's hard to handle, hard to accept, Renee, but you have to."

"That's right we're here, right?" Renee asked, sniffing back her tears. "To find closure on that part of our lives?"

Marcus nodded. "And?"

Though his question was directed to Renee, it was Garrett who spoke. "To share in this part of her life."

He dragged his hand over his face and through his hair, and I knew he was struggling to keep his emotions in check. While Garrett had wanted nothing more than to be my brother, he'd begged me to at least be my friend first. It was hard, and making the decision to be his friend almost cost me my brothers, and the aftermath had me standing on a cliff fighting against the urge to step off.

Garrett looked over at me. "This is you. You were the little girl who chased fireflies, right?"

I shook my head. "Fireflies scared the crap out of me."

Everyone laughed.

"Seriously," I said, shuddering. "Anything that glows in the dark is creepy as fu . . . crap," I amended, shifting my eyes to Esme. "Sorry."

She rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything.

"I've never seen fireflies," Angela whispered. "But I was afraid of grasshoppers."

"Skeletons on the outside of their bodies?" I asked. "What's not to be afraid of?"

"And frogs," she added.

"Warts," I whispered.

Marcus let out a loud, boisterous laugh. "Okay, now that we've admitted your odd phobias, which we will be exploring during one of your sessions, are we ready to go inside?"

Taking a deep breath, I slipped my hand into Edward's and nodded. "As ready as we'll ever be."

The walk up the path to the front door was difficult. Regardless if we wanted to admit it or not, everything was going to change once we stepped inside. The walls held my laughter, my tears, and my pleas for someone to find me, to love me, to want me. I both hated and loved this house.

"The people who bought the house from us foreclosed a year ago," Carlisle explained, pulling a key out of his pocket and unlocking the door. "The bank was reluctant to allow us in, but since we'd been customers for years, they agreed."

Nobody acknowledged what he said, and I knew it was because we are all too nervous. He pushed the door open and looked at me.

"Sweetheart?" he murmured.

Though my heart was racing and my lungs felt tight from my labored breathing, I found myself walking past him and into the large house. Two years had passed since I'd found myself standing there. I hadn't been happy about the move, and more than once, I had to inwardly stop myself from panicking about leaving everything I knew, the only place I'd known. I knew my life was going to change, I just had no idea how much.


End file.
